What a beautiful poem! If there’s an actual guy involved, I’d say he’s a lucky fellow. I like the simple flow…easy to read and to follow. If it were mine, I’d make just a couple changes:
I’d drop the comma after “so you can trust” in the third line. The sentence continues to flow into the fourth line with no pause needed.
I’d replace the question mark with a comma in the second stanza…and drop the capital letter on keep, of course. Then you can end the stanza with a period or a question mark…your choice, though I’d use a period.
Again, this is a warm and tender love poem! Good job!
How I LOVE this! I love everything about it. I love your beautiful word pictures that absolutely TAKE me there.
I love the “tone” of the poem…the feel of it: “hypnotic rhythm,” “somewhere above the earth,” “away from the boundaries,” ”serenity,” “I breathe in,” “the absence of time.”
And most of all I love, “Content to remain in this moment and leave all tomorrows behind.” This statement is the creed of my life!
The long and short lines didn’t affect me at all…they certainly didn’t distract.
Oh my word! This one is WAY too much for me tonight. Or maybe I’ve just been sitting here too long. It’s all your fault! I’m so charmed with our pending class that my eyes have been glued to this screen far too long!
Sooooo, I’ll just mention how MUCH I love this poem! The repetitions are a big part of the charm. Your word pictures sparkle. But it’s the message that so appeals to me.
Again, you are comfortable with dying and death. Death is attached to glory. And even, “In the decaying is beauty’s domain.” I LIKE IT!
I noticed you and I are going to share in “Comma Sense.” So I popped over here to have a look in your port.
How I love form poetry! I think it’s so appropriate that a school teacher would take an interest in form poetry. And this little piece is altogether beautiful! "To see a world in a grain of sand"...what a great talent. The lone leaf reminds me of “The woods are lovely, dark and deep.” I think you have seen the beauty in death, as did Robert Frost. For one who has lived life deeply, I believe death is simply the next great adventure.
Thank you for this, Winnie. Thank you more than I can say. What a similar path we have trodden. My Alzheimer’s journal is also in my port. It doesn’t quite have the flair of a fiction writer! But it has all of the joy and sorrow, and the final victory. Know what? You and I are going to share quite a bond in this little comma class!
I’m Candlemaker…Bob. I noticed you’re a classmate with me in “Comma Sense.” Thought I’d pop over here into your port and have a look. I TOTALLY love this little poem! It is sharp, direct, colorful and laced with word pictures. I love the terse sense of humor. I love the tight rhyme scheme. And I’ve “been there, done that.” (Whatever it was, that took guts!)
OMGOD! "Stopping by Woods" is my favorite poem on the planet! Nothing else even comes close. I memorized it in class in 9th grade...required assignment. I never forgot it. I can still quote it in my sleep! This one poem, and others by Robert Frost, have had a vast influence on my love of poetry! And your "Too Late Too Soon" is a pristine example of the form! I also love the message. And though it's a serious message I detect a tiny twinkle in your eye at the words, "That age misspent in argument." Good goin'!
WOW, I LOVE this! I’m a rhyme and rhythm freak, so the spot-on accuracy appeals to me a lot. Secondly I was born with an “enlarged funny bone,” so I love the humor. And finally, I need help with commas! That’s why I wandered in here just after registering for your course. If I make it into the course I look forward to some fine experiences.
What a great pen name! And what a beautiful poem! I always enjoy poetry that rhymes. Your rhyme scheme is consistent; it makes for easy reading. Also there is a certain overall rhythm to the piece. I like that too. But most of all I like the content. Your second stanza is philosophical. The poem sort of “dwells” in that arena. And yet it is totally personal. I’d like have a friend like that!
(Great pen name!) And what a beautiful poem! A lot of people will be encouraged by your “story.” A lot of people have “been there, done that.” You have a smooth writing style. It is easy to read and to follow. And your poem is headed in a definite direction…from the darkness to the light. The line, “I will turn to you,” brings a sigh of relief. Up until then I didn’t know what the outcome would be.
One tiny correction: “When I feel your not there” should be “you’re” not there.”
How absolutely beautiful! With only a few well-written lines you have absolutely charmed me! “We began to see.” It is not perfectly clear who this “we” is. Could be “Life” from the first stanza. Could be “Time” from the last. Or it could remain a decision of the reader.
And again let me thank you for submitting TWO fine poems to “Inspirations.” This is totally beautiful! How I’d love for someone to adore me with such total abandon. (Wouldn’t we all!) My very favorite lines:
“His foot fall on the lawn
like his love and passion catches me…”
Thanks for submitting your fine poem to “Inspirations” once more. I was hoping I would find you here.
WOW! This one packs a punch! From the very beginning your lines captivate the reader, then move him rapidly along like the currents of a stream. This is some very deep thinking on your part. I join you in your quest that the burning embers will “make me aware.” Thanks for a great read!
Thank you for submitting your outstanding poem to “Inspirations.” I found your piece so compelling that I read it three times before I set it down. You have an unusual gift in your ability to seize the writer’s attention and hold it to the very end. Your poem speaks to me of military heroism and the personal price that is paid by the “hero”. Whatever else your poem accomplishes, it moved this reader deeply.
It’s good to see you in here again. When I glanced at the bottom and saw your rhythm and rhyme scheme, I KNEW I was going to like this poem! (Being such a rhyme/rhythm freak) .. .. I also find it refreshing to see you “thinking out loud” about your poetry. My favorite phrase is the closing phrase: “improving my
Poetic strategy.”
I’d make a tiny change in the first line: I’d say “Deep inside (of me I feel).” It just seems to roll of the tongue better. But that’s just me. Great job!
Thank you for submitting your fine poem to “Inspirations.” You write with a clear and direct style. This caused me to be able to follow your line of thought easily. I like that. You deal with a topic that is universal. Any reader would relate to your message.
You have one sentence that is what I call an “awkward formation.” “They linger in the dark and choose my brightest thoughts to rape.” Normally one would say, “and choose to rape my brightest thoughts.” You did the most reasonable thing…you went with it in order to keep your rhyme scheme. I might have done the same! I can’t see a way to express it any better. I only mention this because I prefer to avoid “awkward formations.” But sometimes (like this case) they are the best way to accomplish your end.
Thank you for submitting your very emotional poem to “Inspirations.” You write clearly and directly. Your lines are easy to read and follow. I like that. The metaphor of the storm is consistent throughout the piece. I like that too. You round off the piece with clarity:
“My garden, my trees, and my flowers I so painstakingly planted
Are now all swept away.
Nothing except the brittle branches now remain.”
Thank you for submitting your very emotional poem to “Inspirations.” You write clearly and directly. Your lines are easy to read and follow. I like that. The metaphor of the storm is consistent throughout the piece. I like that too. You round off the piece with clarity:
“My garden, my trees, and my flowers I so painstakingly planted
Are now all swept away.
Nothing except the brittle branches now remain.”
Thank you for submitting your heart-felt poem to “Inspirations.” This poem could possibly be fictional, but I’m thinking it is your actual story. You have done an excellent job of casting yourself on one plane, while “normal life” passes you by on another plane entirely. You look “over there” but it’s not where you live. You live in a smaller, lonely world of your own. Anyway, that’s what comes through to me.
And thanks for submitting this second poem to “Inspirations.” This is a poignant story of love lost. I felt your deep feelings as I read your poem. The last two lines sum up the heart of the matter. Even in trying to convince yourself “that I don’t love you,” yet the truth is “I can’t seem to let you go.” If this poem is based in truth, I can only say to you that “Time is on your side.”
Thank you for submitting your fine poem to “Inspirations.” This is not easy reading! This is heavy art. At first reading I thought, “Yes, you have done it. It sounds like someone ripped open a thesaurus…” But guess what! As I read and reread the piece it “enslaved me” with its power. This poem is quite an accomplishment! And if it is indeed a true story, then I too pray that “you might someday find a man who’s souled enough for you.”
Thank you so much for submitting your poem to “Inspirations.” This story could be fiction, but my feeling is that you are telling a true “slice of life.” If so, you reflect a situation that is not uncommon to mankind. So many of us struggle with a deep hurt or regret. Learning to forgive oneself is absolutely crucial! Happily your story ends with forgiveness and restoration. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for submitting your poem to “Inspirations.” You have an attractive writing style. Your lines are easy to read; they flow well. My favorite lines: “You're my summer sunshine
When I can't see the light.” If this is a real-life situation, then I wish you well!
Thank you for submitting your beautiful poem to “Inspirations.” I really like this! Your images and great word pictures do it for me. My favorite lines: “where the leaves of last autumn’s notebook
lie scattered underfoot.” You create a nice feel here.
God bless.
Bob
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