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76
76
Review of i wonder why  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Silver. What a beautiful and poignant piece! You write in a way that stirs the reader’s emotions. That’s a sign of a good writer!

I have some suggestions on your commas and periods. (I’m a comma and period freak!) Feel free to ignore my comments. Your poem is a part of yourself, and it is indeed beautiful.

Days go by without a call, I wonder why, (I’d make both periods)

I lost you once, a long time ago, I wonder why, ( (I’d make the last two periods.)

Tears run, down my face, and you're not here, ( (no punctuation here)

to wipe them away, ( (period) I wonder why.

I feel my chest, heavy with grief, ( (period) I wonder why.

Someone else filled your place,

but it was not enough.

I wonder why.

Thanks for a great read!

Bob
77
77
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Yellow Rose,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. I found your poem through the “Showering Acts of Joy” group. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Afraid of the Dark, I offer you the following comments.

This is a very good poem, and it is deeply meaningful. Your first stanza poses a question that I can’t answer right away. I like that. You pose two possibilities…emptiness and loneliness. You could have said “desolation” and “isolation.” The meaning would have been about the same. (Just thinking out loud here.)

Your poem is well designed. It keeps on posing questions: seven questions in all. The last two begin to give the answer. Your communication is straight forward and effective. I especially like these two lines:
“Do you lose your sight of the light”
and
“Look past the dark with your heart”

I can’t see much room for improvement! I would use punctuation. That’s just a personal bias. I’d make a couple tiny changes in the last line:
“He asks (you) only to love Him. That is all”

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Great job!

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Bob
78
78
Review of MOTHER NATURE  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this! I like it a lot. I like the drama of this poem. You set the stage early, in your lines:
“A kind, gentle being,
With disastrous blightings?
I get the feeling this is going to be a poem expressing both the beauty of nature and the ominous side. I love the line,
“She is earth's heaven.”
That has such a lovely feel. And I love the line,
“Berries, Cherries, Ivies, Lilies, Daisies.”
What an absolute dance of spring!

Then you turn the poem to the consequences of Mother Nature’s stress. And your last stanza sums up the whole poem quite well.

Here are a few tiny spelling corrections that you’ll catch in proofreading:

Disaterous should be disastrous.
Nourshes should be nourishes.
seagluls should be seagulls
dependant should be dependent.

Other than that, I see no need for change! You have written a beautiful and significant Poem! Thanks for a great read. Bob
79
79
Review of The Story of "Is"  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
reserved

Hi aralls.

(Are you Audra? I just spoke to you earlier today, but I forgot…early onset senility!)

This is delightful. It is beyond delightful! It is a fast-moving tale of great interest, sure to charm your students. (I pray) I loved every word.

You may recall that Moses asked God his name. He wanted to tell the pharaoh who had sent him. God answered, “I am that I am. Tell him ‘I Am’ has sent you.” As a youngster, I thought that was a terribly strange name. As I grew in understanding, I realized what a potent name it is. If you bump into old “Is,” tell him how lofty his name really is…or a derivative of his name.

Bob
80
80
Review of Just Another Day  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sending this along today, Winnie, lest we forget. Did you write the early part of the story just from your heart and your imagination? In any case, it is beautiful and full of poignant meaning. Very few Americans will see this Sunday as a "regular day."

God bless.

Bob
81
81
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pat.

This is outstanding…way beyond outstanding! I wish I had thought of it. For a while, I thought I was just reading a delightful short story. I had no idea it held historic value. And I also learned a lot from the content. Thanks for a great read! Bob
82
82
Review of Fibonacci  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good going Dave! I figured it wouldn’t be too difficult to write a poem of this form…but it might be real difficult to make it say anything! You have done both, and quite beautifully. Your poem indeed “evokes … elegant beauty.” Thanks for a great read! Bob
83
83
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What an outstanding poem! What a terrible hurt. You deal with it well, presenting the intense pain on the one side, and the sorrowful regret on the other. Your poem stirs deep emotion in the reader. It also holds out hope that this wound will heal in time. Great writing!

Bob

And congratulations on taking the top honors for your poem!
84
84
Review of Summer, Summer  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! I always enjoy an acrostic, and this one is done with expertise. There are no forced words in the group. The overall feeling of the poem smacks of teacher! Who better to so appreciate the season of “mounds of relaxation”? My favorite line is “Enjoying whispers of new freedom.” What a word weaver you are! Thanks for a great read.

Bob
85
85
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a captivating story! Your writing drew me in immediately. I felt like I was there. Remind me never to get on the bad side of Catherine! Ending the story without telling the outcome was a nice touch. It leaves a lot to the imagination of the reader. I wish I could offer you some constructive suggestions, but I really can’t spot any areas where improvement is needed. And your grammar and punctuation are spot-on. Thanks for a great read.

Bob
86
86
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whoa! What a first class idea…you forget your OWN birthday! I absolutely love it. (I was somewhat distracted from my reading by them little dancing chickadees!) This is a homerun Pat. If you don’t win the gold, then somebody got to the judges.

You sprinkled this story with lovely little pieces: the hottest act in Vegas, Opra, Prince Charles and Lady Kate, and (my favorite) working for chicken feed! And I love your spot-on word count.

There doesn’t seem to be a place to post a comment, like there should be at the bottom of a blog. It’s not a problem, but I’d love to see how the others respond.

Bob
87
87
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Winnie,

This one caused me to burst into great, racking sobs. Maybe I was due and didn’t know it. If so, then thank you for that. In any case, this poem delivers a powerful wave of emotion.

First of all, I love the beautiful form. Your flawless “8-6” meter seems to be made for this poem. And your perfect rhyme scheme…how it warms my heart. (These observations will clearly not come as any surprise to you.)

The message is artistically presented. The first and last stanzas contain two identical lines. This so enhances the message.

The father asks those agonizing, and impossible questions: “If I had known…could I have changed God’s mind?” “If I had held her tighter, Would she, then…spend more time with me? But alas, all he can say is “God knows, full well, the price I’d pay (to have made it different).

Here’s a thought. I would have used “had” instead of “hath”. It seems to make it more specific to the story. Just a thought.

Winnie, you have written, with grace and compassion, a beautiful picture of human frailty…both that of the father and of the daughter. This could only be written by someone acquainted with grief. Thanks for this, my friend.

88
88
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: | (5.0)
Hi, Okira,

What a compelling sonnet! What a gut-wrenching piece. It captured me from the very first lines. The repetitions work an almost hypnotic heightening of dread. I can sense the compassion in the writer. I can also see the hopelessness of trying to sustain a relationship probably doomed from the outset, as reflected in your line, “For at the start I prophesied the end.” You have an economy of words here. Every line is effective in building the message and the emotion.

You have spot-on perfect rhyme scheme and iambic pentameter, with one exception:

“My smiles cloak me with a desperate guise.”

The line has the required ten beats, but the meter varies from the rest of your lines. There may be no way to fix it without doing a disservice to the meaning. I, of course, would want to try:

“My smiles cloak me with dark and hidden guise.’

Or it would be okay to give “smiles” two beats, like this:

“My smiles cloak a dark and hidden guise.”

I’d also change this line:

“For we did fall in our attempts to rise.”
To
“We fell in all of our attempts to rise.”

That just sounds purtier to me. But hey…those suggestions are just me. Don’t let me mess around with your perfectly beautiful sonnet! .. *Bigsmile*

Bob


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Review of Sweet Dream  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, iluvhorses.

It’s the Candlemaker again. I so enjoyed your older poem, I couldn’t wait to take a look at another. It is my pleasure to review another item for you today. Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Sweet Dream, I offer you the following comments.

Oh, by the way. I also wanted to comment on a statement in your bio block: “I revel in words. They inspire, excite, and give life to the pictures in my mind, and I hope to learn to use them to touch You.” You’re on the way!

What a totally delightful little poem! This demonstrates that one can deliver a powerful piece without using up all the words he/she knows! .. *Smile*

I love everything about this lovely poem! I love the feel of it, the sheer beauty of it, the romantic appeal of it. Most of all, I love your incredible work pictures:

a whisper of mist,
the languid sea,
a delicate dream-symphony,
an enormous moon.

I’m curious. Why not start it with a capital “A”? In your other poem, you also used all lower case letters. It doesn’t take too much work to consider where the capital letters would go, and this would make it a bit easier for the reader.

Also, I’d use “softly” instead of “weakly.” I think it would enhance the beauty. But that’s just me.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!


I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Bob
90
90
Review of Midnight Rebel  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, iluvhorses.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. What a great pen name you have, for an animal lover! You could be distant offspring of my father. Horses knew him…at the first meeting. Enough said. I found your port through the “Showering Acts of Joy” group. It is my pleasure to review your item today. Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Midnight Rebel, I offer you the following comments.

This is delightful! I see in this poem the heartbeat of a young poet. It takes me back to the days of my youth, and the poems I wrote then. (Yours is better!) First of all the pace is good. There is sort of a “marching meter”, an inner rhythm. I love that. Then there is the great use of word pictures. Your images simply take me there: “the dark and murky marsh”; “The night grew long with shadows hung.” You’re not only picturing the location and the night. You’re painting the mood…the lurking danger.

If I were you I probably wouldn’t make any corrections. I’d preserve it just because it’s part of your heritage. A couple of changes, however, would have been helpful at the time.

“Around a bend that rebel did step,” (I’d have used “that rebel stepped.” That would have sustained your perfect rhythm.)

“the rebel, he fled, no more.” (“…he fled no more.” That second comma isn’t needed.”

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!


I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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91
91
Review of Shelf Paper  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi, Freelanceink.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I really enjoyed your poem, The Plain Truth, so here I am, taking a peek at “Shelf Paper.” Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Shelf Paper, I offer you the following comments.

I had tears in my eyes by the last lines of your poem. That’s a very good sign, I would say! This piece is beautiful beyond words. It simply took me there.

Freelanceink, anyone with precious family connections will resonate the beauty of this lovely poem. For that reason, I’d keep it simple…no tricky sentence structures. Here are just a couple of suggestions:

“Sisters share these moments.” (a period, not a comma)

“Dark wood glistening and smooth; (My instinct is to use a semicolon here. Three colons in a row seem a bit much to me…but I can’t site you any rule here.)

Again, I say. This is so beautiful!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!


I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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92
92
Review of The Plain Truth  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi, Freelanceink.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I found you through the “Showering Acts of Joy” group, and wanted to take a peek in your port. I’m glad I did. The comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "The Plain Truth, I offer you the following comments.

I didn’t get this poem on the first reading! Clearly, you didn’t plan for me to. Your poem is very carefully planned, I think. It is also very effective. You “captured” my attention and held it. Even in the first reading, my emotions were seized. This is good writing. Your use of sentence “pieces” makes the poem hard to grasp “at a glance.”

I could get along without the “Abcess” stanza! The impact of the piece would be fine without it. But that’s just me.

“Sales-pitch ambivalence,
Whispering don’t-catch-me-eyes,” Masterful!

“What brought you here?”…..
“It’s the plainest truth:
‘Girl.’” Yep, the eternal male plight. You hit the nail right on the head. I love it!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!


I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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93
Review of A Conundrum  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Connieann,

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I LOVE the sound of your pen name: Conniean. It has a nice ring to it. I love to review. It puts me in touch with gifted writers…like yourself! Bear in mind that the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. Feel free to disregard any suggestion of mine that doesn't ring true for you. After reading your fine piece, "A Conundrum, I offer you the following comments.

I LIKE this poem! I like the spot-on rhyme scheme. Not once did you strain for a word, any word. I like the sing-song rhythm. It makes your poem easy reading, and enjoyable. I like the little undertone of humor all the way through. And I LOVE the ending. It sort of delivers a punch line!

Here is one tiny thing I noticed:

In lines 3-8 you have a perfect 8 beat meter: “taDA, taDA, taDA, taDA.” Now granted, I’m an absolute FOOL for meter. So I started looking at the lines that followed, beginning in the third stanza. I’d have made a few quick changes in order to continue this same meter:

"Due diligence(,) the key," he states.
He looks for value, buys (then) waits.
What goes down (now), in time comes back.
Good management will beat the pack.”

But that’s just ME! Consistent meter throughout is not necessary to improve this delightful poem

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!
I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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94
Review of Baby Powder  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Bikerider,

This is precious! It takes me right back there to the moment I first held my first grandbaby. That was about seven years ago now. I have a total of four, three boys and a girl. You have an easy writing style, relaxed and easy to read. Thanks for this excellent piece…so full of tenderness and love.

Bob
95
95
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
OMGOD! Have I (at long last) found another sonnet lover? I DREAM in iambic pentameter! I’m not sure I’ve run across the term, Spenserian sonnet. I use the term Shakespearean sonnet for this form. I may have made up that term myself…I’m not sure.

Of course, I love your flawless rhyme and meter. It seems effortless to you. But, like you mentioned, the message is far more significant than the form. You have found your quiet place. “an island deep within my breast” I too have such a place. So I appreciate both the beauty and the significance of this sonnet.

Bob

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Review of Beginnings  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow. I so like your attitude, 2bemar. I see it in your opening statement. I see it again in this lovely poem. My favorite lines:

“The signs are positive for me
Looking into life depends on my magnification
I see warmth”

Your joy is a product of your own “magnification.” How true to life. Good job!

Bob

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97
Review of Memories of Fall  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! Now who has tears in his eyes! Winnie, this could be an actual stroll you had with Tom. Or it could be a simple poetic expression of your “soul-mate.” In either case, it is beautiful beyond words. I happen to believe that our departed loved ones stop in on us…more in the early months and years; not so much once they see that we’re getting our balance back.

It was very near the end of the piece before I “caught on.” “But as soon as you “saw movement,” I KNEW it was the big buck! I’m a firm believer that animal spirits touch our spirits. The Native Americans have such a beautiful touch on living things…much more than the (narrow) Christian will ever have.

Here are my very favorite lines in the whole piece: “His loving eyes of emerald-green look into my soul, and my heart aches. Images cause the corners of my lips to rise:” Even when your heart aches, you can’t stop the little smile that he brings to your soul!

If you only submit some excerpts, DO include the bitem, so people can take a closer look!

How this touches my heart, Winnie! Which is to say “how YOU touch my heart.” What a RICH class we’re going to have!

God Bless.

Bob
98
98
Review of August Air  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi D.L.,

There is magic in your pen! Your word pictures TOOK me there. You’re also very good at expressing your feelings and setting the mood.

Keep on writing!

Bob

99
99
Review of August Air  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi D.L.,

There is magic in your pen! Your word pictures TOOK me there. You’re also very good at expressing your feelings and setting the mood.

Keep on writing!

Bob

100
100
Review of Embrace  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! Joe! You pack such a beautiful “punch” in so few words! I totally love this. I’m a rhyme and rhythm man, so this appeals to me. I am a retired Baptist associate pastor. That means I was the “right-hand-man” in larger churches that could afford more than one pastor. My hat’s off to you for the rich witness you give here in your port.

God bless.

Bob
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