Hello, iluvhorses.

It’s the Candlemaker again. I so enjoyed your older poem, I couldn’t wait to take a look at another. It is my pleasure to review another item for you today. Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Sweet Dream" , I offer you the following comments.

Oh, by the way. I also wanted to comment on a statement in your bio block: “I revel in words. They inspire, excite, and give life to the pictures in my mind, and I hope to learn to use them to touch You.” You’re on the way!

What a totally delightful little poem! This demonstrates that one can deliver a powerful piece without using up all the words he/she knows! ..

I love everything about this lovely poem! I love the feel of it, the sheer beauty of it, the romantic appeal of it. Most of all, I love your incredible work pictures:

a whisper of mist,
the languid sea,
a delicate dream-symphony,
an enormous moon.

I’m curious. Why not start it with a capital “A”? In your other poem, you also used all lower case letters. It doesn’t take too much work to consider where the capital letters would go, and this would make it a bit easier for the reader.

Also, I’d use “softly” instead of “weakly.” I think it would enhance the beauty. But that’s just me.


Thank you for sharing your work!

Hello, iluvhorses.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. What a great pen name you have, for an animal lover! You could be distant offspring of my father. Horses knew him…at the first meeting. Enough said. I found your port through the “Showering Acts of Joy” group. It is my pleasure to review your item today. Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Midnight Rebel" , I offer you the following comments.

This is delightful! I see in this poem the heartbeat of a young poet. It takes me back to the days of my youth, and the poems I wrote then. (Yours is better!) First of all the pace is good. There is sort of a “marching meter”, an inner rhythm. I love that. Then there is the great use of word pictures. Your images simply take me there: “the dark and murky marsh”; “The night grew long with shadows hung.” You’re not only picturing the location and the night. You’re painting the mood…the lurking danger.

If I were you I probably wouldn’t make any corrections. I’d preserve it just because it’s part of your heritage. A couple of changes, however, would have been helpful at the time.

“Around a bend that rebel did step,” (I’d have used “that rebel stepped.” That would have sustained your perfect rhythm.)

“the rebel, he fled, no more.” (“…he fled no more.” That second comma isn’t needed.”

Thank you for sharing your work!

Hi, Freelanceink.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I really enjoyed your poem, The Plain Truth, so here I am, taking a peek at “Shelf Paper.” Bear in mind, the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Shelf Paper" , I offer you the following comments.

I had tears in my eyes by the last lines of your poem. That’s a very good sign, I would say! This piece is beautiful beyond words. It simply took me there.

Freelanceink, anyone with precious family connections will resonate the beauty of this lovely poem. For that reason, I’d keep it simple…no tricky sentence structures. Here are just a couple of suggestions:

“Sisters share these moments.” (a period, not a comma)

“Dark wood glistening and smooth; (My instinct is to use a semicolon here. Three colons in a row seem a bit much to me…but I can’t site you any rule here.)

Again, I say. This is so beautiful!

Thank you for sharing your work!

Hi, Freelanceink.

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I found you through the “Showering Acts of Joy” group, and wanted to take a peek in your port. I’m glad I did. The comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "The Plain Truth" , I offer you the following comments.

I didn’t get this poem on the first reading! Clearly, you didn’t plan for me to. Your poem is very carefully planned, I think. It is also very effective. You “captured” my attention and held it. Even in the first reading, my emotions were seized. This is good writing. Your use of sentence “pieces” makes the poem hard to grasp “at a glance.”

I could get along without the “Abcess” stanza! The impact of the piece would be fine without it. But that’s just me.

“Sales-pitch ambivalence,
Whispering don’t-catch-me-eyes,” Masterful!

“What brought you here?”…..
“It’s the plainest truth:
‘Girl.’” Yep, the eternal male plight. You hit the nail right on the head. I love it!

Thank you for sharing your work!

Hi, Connieann,

My name is Bob, known here as Candlemaker. I LOVE the sound of your pen name: Conniean. It has a nice ring to it. I love to review. It puts me in touch with gifted writers…like yourself! Bear in mind that the comments included in this review are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. Feel free to disregard any suggestion of mine that doesn't ring true for you. After reading your fine piece, "A Conundrum" , I offer you the following comments.

I LIKE this poem! I like the spot-on rhyme scheme. Not once did you strain for a word, any word. I like the sing-song rhythm. It makes your poem easy reading, and enjoyable. I like the little undertone of humor all the way through. And I LOVE the ending. It sort of delivers a punch line!

Here is one tiny thing I noticed:

In lines 3-8 you have a perfect 8 beat meter: “taDA, taDA, taDA, taDA.” Now granted, I’m an absolute FOOL for meter. So I started looking at the lines that followed, beginning in the third stanza. I’d have made a few quick changes in order to continue this same meter:

"Due diligence(,) the key," he states.
He looks for value, buys (then) waits.
What goes down (now), in time comes back.
Good management will beat the pack.”

But that’s just ME! Consistent meter throughout is not necessary to improve this delightful poem

Thank you for sharing your work!