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26
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Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello Sapheyerblu,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "The Legend of the Bite I offer you the following comments.


WOW! This poem is terrific! You are clearly a gifted writer. I am glad you are currently trying to make your way back into the writing field after a year+ long hiatus. And I’m so glad you’re in the Writing.Com family. You will be quite an asset here.

I’m wondering if this piece is written to a specific form. If so, it is quite an attractive form. I’m not acquainted with it. I love your rhyme scheme. It is spot-on perfect. It would be no small task for me to come up with that many words of the same rhyme. And you did it without even one awkward formation. This sets you apart in my book. I love your beautiful rhythm. Generally, you have used eight lines of iambic beat. But you didn’t lock yourself into that. The result is a delightful and beautiful flow.

I like your repetition of the first and third lines in the last line of subsequent stanzas. Trying to achieve this could have resulted in stiff or illogical plot development—but not here! And I like the summation in the last two lines. I was immediately captured in this story. Each line carried me forward to the next one. I like that; not every poet can do that.


*Star* Thank you for sharing this strong piece. You’ve done a great job. My hat’s off to you.

And thank you for a very enjoyable read.

Bob
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27
Review of The Black Widow  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello Marci,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. Are you the same Marci I threw jelly beans at in a recent class? This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "The Black Widow I offer you the following comments.

This is a totally delightful poem, be it ever so grim. I love the vivid imagery. Here are my favorites:
• My bite like a blade
• The hourglass shape on my back
• Through this creepy black night.

I love your spot-on rhyme scheme. I’m a rhyme and rhythm guy!

I love that you went to the trouble to punctuate the poem. Not every poet does that. It adds a lot.

And I love the dramatic progression from start to finish. This poem seizes the reader and holds him. And, by the way, it offers a very important message. I love your picture of the Black Widow. I’ve seen a few of those.

I offer you a couple tiny suggestions.

You wrote:
“My bite like a blade will cut through your skin.”

The phrase, “like a blade” is non-essential (grammatically) and should be set off with commas. I would write it like this:
“My bite, like a blade, will cut through your skin.” What do you think?

Also, your poem offers you the chance to learn a simple but important rule of grammar. You are a fine writer, and you will enjoy knowing this. A comma goes between two independent clauses that are separated by a coordinating conjunction—like “and.” This scenario appears in lines one, two, nine, and fourteen.

For example, you wrote:
“A spider am I and I cause much pain.” The comma would go after “I.” See?

Marci, I’m not trying to smart off at you; I’m not the great comma expert! Your poem is very impressive just the way you wrote it. My suggestions might simply sharpen it up a bit.


*Star* Thank you for sharing this strong piece! You’ve done a great job! My hat’s off to you.

Bob
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28
Review of The Sapling  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello Blue,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "The Sapling I offer you the following comments.

This is a totally delightful poem! There is so much I love about it. I love the imagery: “in the shadows of giants” and “my small sapling body outstretched” are my favorites. I love the light and easy style. Each line carried me forward to the next one throughout the piece. Not every poet can do this. I love your basic metaphor; you begin by calling yourself a little person, but the little person is seen as the sapling throughout. And I so love your last line. I would expect it to be, “A little tree like me.” Your phrase, “A big tree like me” caused me to pause and re-read. I like that. Oh yes, and I also love your word “cacophony.” What do we call that—onomatopoeia?

Here is one tiny suggestion: you wrote,

“In the forest of trees, my small sapling body

Outstretched, strains to touch…”

This gave me an uncomfortable pause. The phrase “my small sapling body outstretched” seems like a descriptive phrase rather than the subject. It would seem much clearer to me to say, “I strain to touch.” But that’s just me!

And here’s a personal preference. While it is simple and easy to begin each line with a capital letter, I think it is clearer and more attractive to begin lines with lower case words unless the line begins a new sentence. Again, that’s just me!


*Star* Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece! You’ve done a great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
29
29
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my, Pat, this is wonderful! You make me want to write a poem! Methinks you made a tiny edit since the first time I read it. I was going to suggest you drop the s from swords; your doing so made your line a bit more dramatic and vital. Of course, I love your spot-on rhyme scheme and your iambic pentameter. I’m swimming in comfort in lines like these. They give me such pleasure.

But much more importantly, you somehow capture the sweet, elusive bonds of childhood love. You take me right back to my own childhood. My little brother was the one. He and I ran the valleys and hills, discovering faraway kingdoms and defeating every foe. I love the richness of your word pictures. I love the alliteration that creeps in here and there. My favorite line is “Fair laughter flew like fireflies o'er the vale.” I can just hear it! I’ve been there—done that.

To get absolutely flawless iambic pentameter, you might change travelling to trav’ling and memories to mem’ries. But it’s not worth it. Your lines are far too beautiful to mess with.

Thank you, Pat. This poem stirs a great deal of joy in me!

Bob
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30
Review of Forgotten Grave  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi, Elle,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Forgotten Grave I offer you the following comments.

I instantly loved this poem! Yes, it addresses a sad subject, but it does so with intense beauty. Your word pictures are rich and vital. Your lines carried me forward relentlessly and stirred deep emotions in me. Not every poet can do that. I absolutely overflowed with tears at your line, “a single red poppy stands proud.” I also loved your lines, “Tattered shreds of dignity tremble As the wind sends a mournful wail across the clearing.”

Thanks for punctuating your piece. I think this always adds to a good poem. I’d consider a comma in the last stanza after the word silence. A comma separates two independent clauses joined by the coordinating conjunction and.

*Star* Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece! You’ve done a great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
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Review of Dulcet Drops  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hello Ken,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Dulcet Drops I offer you the following comments.

There are a couple of specific things I really like about this beautiful poem and the way you present it. I like the brief explanations and definitions at the bottom of the piece. I like the words dulcet and liquescent. (Yep, I needed the definitions of both.) I like the intense richness and imagery of the piece. There is a heat that I feel in the reading. It is a sensual delight. I like your casual rhyme scheme. To me, that adds a lot. And I like the fact that you punctuated the piece; that’s not always easy, but it says a lot about a poet.

I’d use a colon after memories and a comma after debut. That would also indicate the lower case for windows and the. That makes the stanza a bit cleaner and more readable.
I’d simply use a comma after warmth. The flow is better. One should use the semicolon sparingly. I like to choose a period or a comma and save the semicolon.
In the last line, I’d close that space after your beautiful ellipsis dots. The rule is to leave the space before AND after the dots or not at all. I prefer not at all.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
32
32
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hello Winnie,

This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. After reading your fine Janaku, "Legends of the Mind I offer you the following comments.

I hadn’t run across this particular form before, and I love it. But the form, as you might well guess, is not what attracted me to your little poem. It was the subject matter. It is part of your story that enters part of my story. You know, it’s often easier to convey your message with many words and more difficult to convey them with only a few words. What a beautiful job you’ve done here! This is a rare and touching tribute to your mom.

There must be dozens of nouns—maybe hundreds—that could typify a mom. You chose: provider, counselor, mother, and friend. This combination of nouns would not typify my mom; they wouldn’t typify the average mom. I can see that they are carefully chosen for your mom. And the same is true of your four adjectives. This is deeply moving to me. Your whole poem is.

Your third stanza unleashes a rush of tears. And then your final stanza conveys a strong, underlying, and eternal truth. Start to finish, this is a deeply moving piece

*Star* Thank you for sharing this! It means a great deal to me.

Bob
33
33
Review of Thwarted Assassin  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Pat,

This simply blows me away! First, I am so impressed by your creating a poetic form. And it is a marvelous form. I will certainly be attempting a patina. You know me; I largely live for alliteration!

Your poem is deeply moving. It is powerful and emotional. It is very insightful into your spirit. It is, hopefully, a picture of the best in all of us. When something so painful as to be called Murderer of my spirit encounters undaunting hope, I can see the deep and abiding human spirit at work.

Your first six words absolutely pound my emotions like they must pound your spirit. This is powerful writing, Pat. When poetry springs from a writer’s soul, it is usually powerful. Thanks for sharing this with me.

Bob
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34
Review of Kaden's Lullaby  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pat,

This TOTALLY warms my heart! It is tender, emotional, and very moving. Methinks you should not cease your lyrics (career) with this initial effort. Anyone who has held a new grandchild will love this piece. It comes from deep in your heart—that is perfectly clear.

Speaking of perfect, let me mention just two things. (I’m sure you weighed both of them already.) The poem needs no improvement, but you know me; I’m a freak for rhyme and rhythm. Your rhyme is spot on! Me? I’d make two tiny changes in the meter:

You wrote, “Your birth was a gift from Heaven above.” I’d consider removing was. The line would still be perfectly clear. Or I’d say, “Your birth’s a gift…”

You wrote, “and pray God's sweet blessings come from above.” My first choice would be to use the em-dash after the line above and drop the and, like this:

“I'll hold you close and kiss you with love—
pray God's sweet blessings come from above."


Or else I’d drop the word sweet. And I’m not sure you’d want to drop it.

But that’s just me! Like I said, your piece is altogether lovely just the way you penned it.

Bob
35
35
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Michael,

Thank you for this excellent little essay. You give me much to think about. Your writing is clear and direct. You have deeper insights into life that most people who will never be afflicted by dementia. My favorite line is: “Join with me and intensify your life and your dreams.” May it ever be so!

Bob
36
36
Review of Love  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: | (4.5)
Hi Dimika101,

I’m curious about the significance of the 101.

This is incredibly beautiful! I love your poetic style. You piece is direct and easy to read. Each line ushers me forward to the next throughout the poem. Not every poet can do that. I especially like your technique of three negative statements followed by three positive statements. Then you follow it with a confident claim, “That I guarantee.” This is all quite effective. (By the way, you have a tiny typographical error: put a “u” in grarantee.)

Then you turn on the deep emotion in the last four lines. Good!

Here are a couple tiny suggestions:

I’d drop the “yet” and allow the line to stand on its own: “In all of the suffering and confusion…” the statement is very strong, even without referencing the lines above it.

Also, I’d consider a comma after the word confusion; otherwise the reader might first read it to mean, “Yet in all of the suffering and confusion I have yet to see.”

But those are just a couple of my thoughts. Your poem is a wonderful expression of your heart and mind, just as it is written. I love it! Thanks for sharing.

Bob
37
37
Review of To Thee I Pray  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hello Elizabeth,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. You and I know each other through Ms. Pat’s Punctuation Station. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "To Thee I Pray I offer you the following comments.

This is an intense poem! I chose it because it hasn’t been reviewed yet. I’m glad I chose it. You have the ability to illicit strong emotion with your words. This is one mark of a good poet. There is a note of hopelessness here. There is a lot of pain here. Yet you express a morsel of hope in your words, “I continue to pray day after day.” To me, you express the heavy weight of life being carried by a very strong and durable person.

There are a couple of tiny suggestions I have.

You wrote, “and feel trapped in a lion's den.” I prefer “I feel trapped in a lion’s den.” Both lines here can stand on their own. But that’s just me!

Secondly, I prefer punctuation. It would be simple and easy. I believe it would strengthen the poem. But, again, that’s a preference individual to each poet.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a very thoughtful read.

Bob
38
38
Review of Who Am I?  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Elizabeth,

This is an excellent piece of your life, well written and very moving. I’m Bob, an assistant in Punctuation Inc. I so look forward to getting to know you better. I’m a retired Baptist minister; or shall we say a “recovering” Baptist minister! I have a wonderful friend here in WDC who is a pagan, deeply involved in Wicca magic and witchcraft. She may be far closer to the truth than conservative Christianity. I look forward to the day when you can be more free to pursue your own spiritual journey. Meanwhile, see you in class!

Bob
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Review of Tired  
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hello Amay,

My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Tired I offer you the following comments.

This little poem is a total delight! My experience is that one can convey a message through many words; that’s pretty easy. Or one can convey a message through few words; that’s often much more difficult. I love it that you paint a picture that takes me back to last December and the Decembers of my past. It places me right in the middle of the mall, with all the beautiful sights, sounds, and smells of Christmas.

You absolutely nailed the form. If a poet attempts a specific form, I like for them to succeed, as you have done here. Of course, your first word, ti-yerd would never do the job in the deep South where they say tarred!

If you chose to punctuate the piece, it would look like this:

Tired,
cold, exhausted Christmas shoppers
battle their way through crowds—
frantic—searching
for gifts.


It’s a toss-up; it’s based on the poet’s preference. I like your choice of no punctuation, but it’s a close fifty-fifty in my thinking. Your choice of color and font also add to the beauty of the piece.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
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for entry "Apple Pie
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave,

You also stir the sea of MY imagination! This poem takes first place, or we seriously question the mentality of our esteemed host and judge. I can absolutely see it, smell it, and touch it gently to avoid burning my finger until it is ready to tickle my taste buds.

Do you know what? It is easier to paint a great poem with many words; it is more difficult to do it with few words. My hat's off to you, my friend.

Bob
41
41
Review by Candlemaker
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A review given through: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hello Aralls,

This is your old friend, Candlemaker. What a special delight to find you here in the garden of "Showering Acts of Joy Garden! This review is part of your shower from us. It is my pleasure to review this item for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "Walking on Eggshells I offer you the following comments.

I was sobbing by the time I got to the last stanza! You are a master of stirring emotions with your words. This piece has so many things I love; I don’t know where to begin. I love that you have written in word pictures. It’s like I’m in the room, observing from a corner. Also, your style is easy to follow. It’s almost as if you’re speaking. You carry me from line to line all the way through the narrative. Many poets cannot do that. You have continual contrasts throughout. This is interesting and snappy to the reader.

One of the most significant things to me is the way you present your characters. What a four-year-old he is! It’s not just his imagination—and that’s nearly unbelievable—it’s also his wise insights. He is a totally endearing little boy. You leave the mother largely up to the interests, needs and imagination of the reader. The ability to do this is another trait of the skilled writer. It lets the reader participate in the piece.

Here are some of my very favorite lines:

“She breathes in his sweet scent, saying not a word.”

“A tear escapes…Tiny lips kiss it away.”

“comfort that holding a child brings.”

“…meeting lost eyes, speaking to her heart.”

And finally, this little guy, whether he actually knew the deeper meaning of his words, suggested the bottom line solution: “But, Mommy, walking on eggshells is not for you and me.” This is masterful, Aralls!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Great job! My hat’s off to you.

And thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
42
42
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave,

As you know, I’m a fool for the sonnet—ANY sonnet! This one is amazing with its tight syllable count and its totally amazing rhyme scheme. You have not only nailed the form; you have written a piece that stirs my heart. Your last two lines absolutely capture my life’s motif:
“While others bustle about to prove their worth,
I’ll just sit here and enjoy this peace on earth..

Good goin’, my friend!

Bob


43
43
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kudos to you, Myra. This is wonderful. It is wonderful in form, and it is wonderful in message. There is richness in your soul. I can see that. Thank you for sharing it here.

Bob

44
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Review of A State of Mind  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This is only the first item I’ve read in your port, Myra. It keeps the promise made in your port paragraph. I can read it once and grasp the meaning. Being able to write this way is quite a rare gift, I believe. You stir my emotions. Isn’t it amazing how much of life must be done alone? I’m not much of a prose writer. I’m a poet at heart, so I always take joy in a good poem. This is a good poem!

Bob

45
45
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Myra,

I’m SO glad to see this poem end the way it does. If it is actually part of your story, then it is commendable that you could see him in a good perspective. I love your words,
“All that was has faded now
In the gentle hands of time.”

You have a real gift of poetic expression. Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

Bob
46
46
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Myra,

This is very good! The ending gives your poem a bit of a twist with the internal rhyme:
“Words will surely be my making
or my breaking in the end”
I find that to be delightful! Your lines carry me through the entire piece with ease and anticipation. Not every poet can do that. It’s a deeply significant subject, and you have handled it well.

Bob
47
47
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Shelby,

From your poem, I can tell that you are a romantic. I love romantics! This poem has the feel of youthful, gentle attraction. I can see it in this line:
“He steals you away with a look.”

You are gifted in writing lines that create emotion. I love your opening line:
“The deep soft tone in which he speaks” this line sets the stage for romantic drama.

Would you like to make a tiny correction? You wrote:
“Forever your undone.” It looks to me like you meant, you’re. What do you think?

Good job! Thanks for a delightful read.

Bob
48
48
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well tought out survey, Pat. Asking some questions about WHAT we like adds to the kind of survey that just asks HOW we liked it.
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49
Review of Eyes Opened  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Aralls,

Please pardon my missing your name in my response to your review of Tapestry. I’m a bit visually impaired.

WOW, this is beautiful! You write with a flowing style that leads me easily from line to line. Not every poet can do that. You have an intense romantic instinct; your story is so very appealing to a fellow romantics. I especially love the following lines:
“…my eyes gazed into you.”
and
“A reflection of fate smiled back at me.”

Thanks for a lovely read!

Bob
50
50
Review of Just A Baby  
Review by Candlemaker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ebony,

You have written such a deeply moving poem here! Your words took me on a steady march from innocence to painful reality. I think the strong support from family and friends have made this young woman fit for the storms of life. I especially like the lines:
“She clings to words of comfort
She clings to any hint of joy
She clings to childhood peace
She clings to what has passed”
I think her salvation abides in this clinging to what she knows in her heart.

Great job! Thanks for a very thoughtful read.

Bob
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