But the mispelled word means nothing to me. It's the words of your writing that means so much to me. The hands are so important in life and you brought that out in your writing. Do you realize I have never even thought of hands in that way? Bringing some thing to one's attention is a great way of writing.
He's there and you prove it so well in your poem. All we have to do is ask. I have a huge picture/poster of the Footprints prayer right up above a picture of Jesus in the Garden when He was in despair. It makes me realize that while He walked the earth He also had a hard time. Some times I think we forget.
Keep writing.
Diane
You used that that in the same sentence other than that it was a great poem. I loved it for the fact that it reminded me so much of my family. My Mom doesn't hug nor does her side of the family. When anyone hugs them you can feel the stiffness there. When my uncle died my husband said you should go hug him. My Uncle was the one who took place of my absent father. I miss him so much. My son spent the two weeks he lay dying with him day and night. They were both looking at photo albums talking about old times. Then when my Mom went to check on him he past away. I'll never forget him and thanks for helping me remember.
Diane
Needs some work. There are some grammer mistakes. Mostly using the word didn't instead of using the word doesn't. A misspelled word was just. It had a good plot but it just wasn't developed enough. You could rewrite it and make it good. Put some action in it. What they did on their times alone. What did they talk about? Seems like early on the relationship should have took you to where he ask the question of continuing it.
Keep writing.
Diane
I have a young Muslim girl that I have been reading her work. It is so very good and the girl has such promise I was hoping maybe someone from this site could email her and make her feel welcomed. She seems a bit bashful but wise way beyond her years. Her email address is: giasyed@writing.com
Thanks,
Diane
P.S. Hey you could review some of my work too!!!
That was wonderful. I loved the picture too. It showed me his big wonderful smile. You can feel the love coming through your writing for him. I think writing about our loved ones produces such awesome writings.
I am like you too. Although I didn't teach. The stuff I want to write comes in my head and doesn't leave until it's on paper.
Keep writing.
Diane
Oh, please don't feel like I do. I was hoping there was no one on this earth that felt the misery that I sometimes feel. Are you young? When I see the part about what the people are saying it makes me want to go to those people and say, "don't you see his soul is hurting?" It is yearning for so much more if you don't have it to give quit wasting his time. If you do have even a touch of what he yearns give it to him. I feel so sorry for my husband and son. They fight trying to get others approval. You'll get it soon. Peace comes. I promise.
Love,
Diane
This is very well written but it makes me feel so bad. Last month I was on the verge of losing my membership when at the last minute I had enough of GP's to continue my work. This time I truly didn't have enough for another month. An angel, a real angel from a group I belong to gave me a membership for a whole year. Oh, I was too grateful. I probably thanked her to the point where she was tired of it and I love her for what she did for me. You see the story is a long one but let me contain it for you in a few sentences. I am an only child, only grandchild, and only niece. My Aunt, Mom's sister is dying of cancer and kidney problems. My Mom is going down fast. I have to watch them very closely. My husband had an accident in the coalmines where he was employed 20 years. Broke his back. My son is a drug addict who can't stay out of jail. My husband, last year had a near fatal car accident with my dog with him. The dog left the scene of the accident. For four days I didn't know if I could make it....dog missing, husband in the trauma center, and son on sucide watch. Whenever anyone helps me I pass it along because I am so grateful. The editor of our small newspaper did an article on the dog, Tim came out of the hospital after a month, my son continues to spend most of his time in jail. I couldn't have made the payment this time but I assure you someone down the line will get help from me one day. i love people and God has blessed me with so many. So please don't think of all of us as just beggars. Who knows you maybe entertaining angels unaware!
Love,
Be Diane
Just need a question mark at the end of the poem as far as errors go. As far as the poem goes I like it because you realize one day you will really miss the noise, the fights, and screaming. My children are 22 and 25 yrs. old. Many times I wish I would've treasured God's creation in my body and when they were babies but hey, they were so much work no wonder we didn't get to enjoy, eh?
Diane
It's a good start but it leaves the reading wanting more. You could write this as a start and then continue from the first meeting. We, as readers don't know what kind of body was in the field or why it happened. It's a good start of a mystery but we need more details.
Keep writing. One typo: without.
Diane
I loved this. I try to get rid of the past. Carrying around all that excess bagage really gets heavy and burdens you. All we can look to is the future. Watch some I love Lucy and Three Stooges! it's help, I promise. Laugh!
The flow of this poem is wonderful. It just seems like you are speaking to me.
Keep writing.
Love,
Diane
Forget about grammer and captilizing first letters of the sentences. You need help because you are young and need to live. Undoubtbly these people are no worthly of your love. Jesus taught that love is the most important thing in the world and you giving it is the best gift you can give. I want you to go find a pastor of a church to talk to you. Seek out groups that can help. You can even find them on the internet. I will help as much as I can. Look on www.beliefnet.com
I will also tell others to read your story. You keep the faith. Keep loving. Keep writing!
Diane
Jenn,
I loved your poem. It rings so true. I can't turn my back on the man who walks the street in our town with a humped back he collects alumin cans. I've always taught my children to stop and give him coins that we have. The rich do turn their backs some even forget where they come from. Harry Potter's author's work was just tossed aside and an office manager happen to run across it and read it and wanted to know what happened so she ask the author for the rest of the book. The little office manager helped make this author who was on welfare a weathy person. When she met her at a book signing the author gave her nothing. I saw it on Oprah. Can you imagine? I would've been so grateful I probably would have bought her a house.
I am in the silent helpers group with you. I love it and can see we are all one and the same.
Keep writing,
Diane
I love this writing. The poem means alot to me because I have pets that I love so much. right now is my special dog, Jewell. She's really something. We are always counting how many more years she probably has left. She's about 6. At night when she's in bed with me and I listen to her heart I feel that it is God's heat protecting me. He will be there with me in times of trouble.
Diane
This has alot of feeling to it and with a few more details it could be a great piece. I can see the young lovers having a hard time taking baby steps in the line of loving for some of the first times. I remember feeling that way, in fact I think I even feel this way in my current relationship and we've been married 25 years.
Diane
So good and when I read it I thought Dejayu. Sometimes this world is spinnning way to fast for me and I just want to stay curled up on the bed hidden from the world. There has been plenty of times lately that I just wish I was a child and play. I think adults and children are not allowed a break or a way to let children grown. our children's children will have an enternal knowledge about how gult ridden we were about our lives especially what its us in our pocket book. I
Keep writing. Let's not harm society without giving a chance to them to see what's in our heads. Ha...I could on my own scare the hell out of them.
Have a nice Larbor Day.
Diane
I'm saying for an upgrade or I would give you some points.
Only one error that I saw. god should be capitalized..God. I liked the poem. It was descriptive and used a dream to get the point across. I can see the love for the angel...I can also feel it in other ways. You touched all the senses but smelling and that's very good. I try to strive to do that myself but often fail.
Keep writing. A little work and this would be perfect. I'd give you GP's but I'm working for an upgrade.
Diane
I really liked this piece of work. The very best thing about it is the descriptive words that you use. Doing this makes me feel like I am there looking at the sky and clouds. Nature really has a feel to it and sometimes when I run into something like this it compares to my life.
I hope you get a chance to look at The Storm something I wrote about the last hurricane.
Keep up the good work,
Diane
I liked this and it really shows how depression can overwhelm a person. I feel his pain because I too have a chemical imbalance in the brain. It has been worse lately because of a lack of hormones. When the man goes to town and no one even sees his pain is the hard part. We just want people to care. Sometimes it's easier to use the computer to comunicate than doing it in person.
Keep writing.
Diane
I hope I am doing this right and you get my reviews. I'm trying my best to buy my membership this time because we are having a difficult time finiancially.
Thanks very much!
Diane
Upon pondering this essay...no just kidding. This was great. I would have never thought about pondering on a word and then creating an essay from it. You did a great job. Very orginal. It was funny and you had some make believe in there that was truly believeable. How did you do that and did you understand what I just said?
Anyway keep up the great writing. Check some of mine out soon.
Thanks for the entertainment...
Diane
Upon pondering this essay...no just kidding. This was great. I would have never thought about pondering on a word and then creating an essay from it. You did a great job. Very orginal. It was funny and you had some make believe in there that was truly believeable. How did you do that and did you understand what I just said?
Anyway keep up the great writing. Check some of mine out soon.
Thanks for the entertainment...
Diane "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .{b/}
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