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Review Requests: ON
1,134 Public Reviews Given
1,135 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Crimson Rose  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very effective and unexpected. It begins as almost a case study of the obsession with collecting that can develop in those who become interested in such things. From there it transforms into a very vivid portrayal of a world drifting into madness as the obsession takes hold and assumes a paranormal aspect. The degeneration of Mallory into control by something resembling a fit or "turn" is extremely well done. Even so, I did not see the crystalline denouement coming in the form it did. That was quite horrific and shocking to imagine.

Considering how few words are needed to convey the process, I think this story is told with masterful skill and assurance. At no point did it allow my attention to wander and the pace of its storyline was very well judged. The characters are well painted too, so that I am left with little to say except to express my appreciation of such excellent writing. The complete lack of errors and typos is evidence of good editing so it's quite a tour de force. Well done indeed!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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2
2
Review of Griffin's Blade  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I saw you come in and thought I ought to welcome you back. Good to see you. Had a quick read of this and decided to let you know what I think of it so far. Of course, it's barely begun, but the quality of the writing is already obvious. I've been wanting to read a few more detective stories as I'm considering having a go at them myself, so this happens along at a good time for me. Glad you didn't pick the usual era for a setting (those thirties slick and cynical detectives of the golden age of detective novels do get a bit tiresome after a while - every bit of info has to be wrapped in a package of neat, ironic reflection) - I could never learn how to do one of those.

So, if it's okay by you, I'll be happy to read along with your writing as and when required.

As for the story so far - the first chapter is a delicious starter, a taste of everyone's secret desire to be "discovered" and whisked to stardom by a mysterious benefactor. And this is followed by a neatly delivered episode of criminal passion and revenge. Great start!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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3
3
Review of Sarah  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ooh, scary ending! This one's in the deepest fears class, the kind our imaginations love to construct when the lights go out and we're reduced to primitive beings alone in a dangerous world. It's an effective tale that builds in tension and unease until the final sentence delivers the dreaded blow. And to leave it there is the sharpest point, allowing our personal demons to bring the scariest possible ending.

Of course, the setting assists in the deepest fears thing - there's a sigh of relief as we get inside the house and lock the door. The darkness, so recently a thing to send shivers up the spine, is turned into mere inconvenience, and the cell phone light is another friend. How awful that this apparent safety should be turned so quickly into illusion by the ending!

It's very effective, the writing sparse and clear, giving the reader space to awake personal fears, and a complete lack of errors that gives full reign to the building tension. It's very well done and a fine tale to give one the shivers late at night.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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4
4
Review of Young Love  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Obviously, I agree wholeheartedly. Experience teaches even the wildest soul. And you state your premise clearly, then explain in so many ways how it is true. Only through years of living does such understanding come, and your words make it clear that you know what you're talking about. Write what you know, they say, and you prove them right.

I love your signature trick as well, the bracketed addition to the word "with" to ensure that the double meaning is not lost. This, surely, is a sign that the poet has thought carefully about each word used and the composite meaning being constructed. And the depth of meaning in this poem is confirmation of each point strung together in a necklace of pearls to show the true beauty of the thought.

This is the kind of thing I aspire to and attain so rarely. I ought to begrudge such brilliant talent and envy the one who uses it so well, but I cannot. It just does me good to know that it exists and I am honoured to share in it, even in as simple a thing as a review.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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5
5
Review of A New Invention  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is an amusing little tale of a machine for recreating memories. As a mixture of magic and science, it's a bit odd, but it makes no pretence of serious suggestion. And the whole thing amounts to a romp in the no man's land between dream and memory so anything is possible.

The one area where it gets a bit complicated and hard to understand is the description of the hands inventing themselves. This becomes a maze of hands doing things to hands with little to distinguish between which hands are what. If you see what I mean. This does not matter in the end because none of it really matters - the only problem is whether it should be called a memory or a dream machine. And I'm on Poppy's side for that.

I do wonder where the genre Animal comes in. Perhaps I missed it but I don't recall there being an animal involved. Unless you count a goblin as such. But then you'd have to think about the classification of elves. And they're certainly not human. Personally, I'd take out that one genre and replace it with Children.

But I'm probably being too serious. It is, after all, a bit of fun, an amusing entertainment, and in that it succeeds admirably. Well done.

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Beholden
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6
6
Review of Hero's Witness  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
An interesting way to get to know someone. The story is fine, with a good ending (I think it's right not to be too clear about the exact result - let the reader work it out). If it has a problem, it's that the timeline is a little difficult to unravel. Let's see if I can explain that.

The first paragraph introduces us to Mark and we begin to learn about Chloe. This happens in church but we don't know that the occasion is. That begins to coalesce in the second paragraph, when Cloe emits an anguished cry. A suspicion is planted but it's only a suspicion.

Then we get into the shooting scene and Mark's parent's advice concerning the Mall. And at the end, we find that Mark has something else on his mind, too. Well, we've been waiting for that ever since we heard that he finds her beautiful. But the suspicion regarding the church service is still only a suspicion. I don't think you would lose anything by settling that in the beginning - it's a funeral. Leaving it unstated means that the reader has to retain it for later confirmation (which never actually comes, although the suspicion is strengthened) and that's distracting from the main thrust of the story.

It's a minor matter and you may feel not worth changing, but I mention it because that is how I reacted to it. Certainly, it does not have a massive impact on the story. The writing is good but you could consider making it a little more impactful by adding some flashes of detail. Tiny things without importance are often triggers to emotion in situations like the shooting and its result, and these bring the telling to life in the reader's mind. For one thing, time is slowed in these experiences and this allows us to notice things that normally we wouldn't. A pen falling from a pocket and bouncing on a tiled floor, for instance - no connection to the main event but stark and vivid so that it remains in the mind forever. I read a description a few days ago of a similar experience and it was told as a series of apparently unconnected details. The result was an account that was surreal in its vivid and realistic impact.

I must congratulate you on your editing. Not a flaw in the whole thing, neither grammatical nor typo. Makes the piece a joy to read. And it was most enjoyable and a very competent piece of writing. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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7
7
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Powerful stuff. In flashes of vivid images, you draw a searing picture of a terrible event. I have to somehow distance myself from the event you so skilfully release before me, if I am to comment upon the technical aspects of the poem. It's not easy but easier to sit here just experiencing a thing like that.

So what makes it so powerful? I think it's the build up, the heat and drought portayed in so many details that stick in the mind, leading without drama to the event that tears a hole in the readers understanding. It's so matter of fact, experience delivered in hard, clear sights and incidental thoughts, that it makes the experience the reader's. And that, surely, is the job of poetry.

You have put a whole new aspect on the face of Florida for me. I don't know how better to say how good this poem is.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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8
8
Review of Hymn 2  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is rather good. I like it especially because it's different from most attempts at spiritual poetry, being entirely conversational in tone and centred on the nature of God, rather than the spirituality of the poet. Having tried myself often enough to express my relationship to God in verse, I know how difficult it is to come close to an adequate description. I suppose it should annoy me that this succeeds so well where I have failed so many times before. Maybe it's a sign that it's working (this whole spiritual thing) since I feel only happiness in your success.

So, having dealt at length with my own reactions to the poem, I must say a few words about what makes it good. And pick at any flaws if I find any, of course. The rhyming is good, unobtrusive and unforced. But it does create an expectation of metre as a by product. And that can get a bit lumpy at times, my friend. It happens to be one of my obsessions - I insist that my own stuff flows, even when it doesn't rhyme (which is often) and this makes me hypersensitive to flow in others' poetry as well. So my only suggestion is that you read it aloud and fiddle with the metre if you decide to tinker with the piece.

Because otherwise, I can't fault it. I'm actually really keen on it.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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9
9
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It doesn't say so anywhere, but this appears to be part of a much longer story. Does that matter? I think it does, at least to a reviewer. If it's intended to be a self contained story, it's a bit lacking in a reason for being and would be better off described as a vignette. I mean, I could make a case for it being a story, but I'm not sure everyone would see it that way. For me, the obvious point is that Fyndorian is really a female masquerading as male - hence the insistence on privacy. The description fits better that way, too.

But, if that is the point, it's a bit too well concealed for most readers, I think. So I have to regard it as part of a much longer story. As such, it becomes more gripping, the stranger at the end more threatening, and everything making more sense. I still think Fyndorian's true nature will be revealed at some point, however.

It's interesting in style. The mixture of local dialect, imagined medieval English, and other influences in the dialogue (and thoughts - that's particularly unusual) is brave but I wonder how long you can keep it up. And how long will it be before it irritates the reader? I think in these situations, it's best to go for a local accent that you know very well and stick with it. No matter how medieval the setting, if you say they talk in a certain way, then that's how they talk - as long as it remains consistent.

The slice of story itself is quite attractive. Well written and engaging, it flows well and develops quickly into a very full scene of multiple impressions. It has us quickly on the side of the two main characters and introduces an ominous presence that promises to become a threat to the wellbeing of our heroes. Unless, of course, you're playing with us and he's really a blessing in disguise.

So the whole thing appears just a part of something much greater but, in itself, is an excellent introduction to what may become a book. I'll say this (and I don't say it to everyone), if it were the opening chapter of a book, I'd keep reading. Which is surely the object, isn't it?

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Beholden
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10
10
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Obviously, there is something about the Cramp that has allowed it to last for over twenty years while other contests have disappeared. And it may well be that it's the choice of a midday deadline that has resulted in this - I don't recall ever seeing another contest that ends at that time (and is judged very close to that time - most contests take their time to announce results and that might have something to do with the length of their existence too).

Or it may have nothing to do with timing at all. I would point at another fairly unusual property of the Cramp that might well have a lot to do with its durability. And that would be that it awards first place even if there is only one entrant. That must surely add to its attraction to those who have difficulty being noticed in other contests.

Most likely, it's a combination of these and several other factors (not the least of which is the stamina of the owners). But one thing I do know - GMT is the world standard for datelines because the Brits got there first. They had the idea of setting up a standard so they get to keep it. Kinda the universal standard for ideas.

Anyway, I should be commenting upon the quality of the writing, the entertainment value of the piece, and possible suggestions. My problem is, you're too good. If you aren't going to make any mistakes, what is there for me to say apart from a little applause? It's an excellent article, very amusing and well written and not a typo in sight. Well done and the promised applause. *Wink*

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11
11
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
To be honest, I thought the story fell a bit flat because it contained so lttle tension. If the narrator is to be believed, one side had all the power and magic, the other only ignorance. Because the elves were so talked up (they even had a dragon on their side), it never seemed that they had a chance of losing the fight. And so it proved, according to the description of the battle.

I guess I'm saying that the story needs more balance if it is to have the necessary level of conflict to make the reader care who wins. Most stories do this by having the baddies with greater power and force, so that the goodies can win through by intelligence, luck, or divine intervention (because they're the good guys, after all).

Bit of a quibble about the dragon, too. He gives the elves a winning advantage as it is, but, if his scales are the size of a man's shield, that's one huge dragon. Relating that to the illustration, that makes the elven lady (presumably Viridea) positively enormous. At that rate, all she needs to do is stomp on the invading humans.

I do get it - it's a fantasy, so much leeway is allowed and even expected. But there's also the reader's suspension of belief to be taken into account. And there needs to be at least a relation to reality involved. Sorta second cousin level, for instance.

As regards writing, the piece is fine, with vivid description, fast paced action and interesting developments of otherworldly characteristics. No technical or grammatical errors as well. I just can't help feeling the story needs a little more oomph.


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12
12
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of My Apologies, Mr. Smith by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

That was definitely different. I confess you caught me out completely with the guy in the back seat. Didn't see that coming at all. A bit easier to guess at Mr Smith's transformation into a bad guy - but such an unusual method of killing. With all those special contraptions in the murderer's car, it really was an automatic!

As well written and edited as all your stories I've read so far, this displayed a perticularly original and unusual imagination, both in the sudden switching of sources of danger, and in the weird killing apparatus. Death by crushing - hardly bears thinking about.

It did occur to me that you could easily make the story longer and more complex by introducing a link between the guy in the back seat and Mr Smith. Smith could have persuaded the shadow man to hide in the car and so give Mr Smith the chance to appear as the good guy. That would give the story even more evil and tortuous machinations behind the ultimate goal. It would make Mr Smith a seriously nasty bad guy in that Sybil would not be his only victim that night - the poor shadow guy ends up sitting in a cell in the police station.

Anyway, it was just a thought. Very good story, and most enjoyable, that's my summary.

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13
13
Review by Beholden
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Spoof Review:Movie Classic "Halloween" by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

This is excellent stuff. I've never seen the movie but I feel now that I know everything that happens in it, thanks to your fine summary. An important point is that it's your trademark asides that provide the punch to the narrative and keeps us in the lighthearted mood you intend.

Tables turned at the end, of course. But Michael manages to sneak out while no one's looking - got to prepare for Halloween 2 no doubt. You've made the movie seem quite watchable, which is really the joke, I suppose. As a horror classic it's meant to chill and terrify, not be enjoyed!

As usual, you leave me no flaws and whoopsies to comment upon so that all I can do is point to the good writing, the clever twisting of the horrific to the amusing, and the jaundiced eye view that you do so well. It's a very modern and sophisticated take on the horror movie scene that you specialise in. Who better to satirise a movie than one who really enjoys it?

I did find one tiny thing that I can point at. Your choice of Contest for a genre pick is not ideal as no one searches for that genre. So it might be best to swap it for something else - Dark, for instance. Otherwise it's a great piece and much fun was had by all.

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14
14
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Greetings from a Gruesome Gargoyle by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

This is an amusing tale that uses the idea of a gargoyle that roams the library during the month of October seeking mischief. The personality of the creature comes through quite strongly and we follow it through several adventures in which it creates accidents through the simple trigger of falling books. And it eats books (always wondered what they ate).

The whole tale is told through the eyes of the gargoyle which brings the reader much closer into the story than if it were reported from another view. We are, at least to some extent, on the creature's side, enjoying its harmless little tricks and schemes. It's amusing but not hilarious.

There is a slight weakness right at the end, where you allow yourself to comment on things with a few exclamations and noises. Doesn't work, I'm afraid - we're a bit too jaded and cynical these days to go along with such forms of expression in text form. I know it's an attempt to illustrate the sudden pain of the rattrap mishap, but it'd better to let us watch rather than hear it happen.

But it's a fun piece overall and bound to brighten our days. Good work!

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15
15
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of A Thanksgiving Story by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

What a wonderful story! The irony is that I nearly passed it by. I saw that it was described as a recipe and thought, 'Not for me.' But I looked closer anyway and was delightfully surprised. It's really the story of how a brilliant new recipe was invented and applauded by everyone.

I love everything about the tale. The idea of turning the hot tub into a slow cooker was sheer genius and even gives rise to my theory about why it worked so well. Since you effectively parboiled the bird, none of the juices could escape and they were trapped to provide all the taste on the day. It's a possibility, you must admit. And it gives us some sense of how all our complex ways of cooking food were invented. It was probably all the result of happy accidents.

Not only the turkey but this story too benefits from your inventiveness. Your telling of the tale is excellent, bringing out the comedic aspects without forcing them upon us - there's a glint in your eye and a smile on your face throughout. We all end up having fun!

I cannot fault this story in any way. Like your newsletters, it showcases your remarkable talent in turning true events into entertaining reads for others. Thank you!

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16
16
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Not So Calm Before the Storm by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

I love your description of the disparate group of birdwatchers (called "twitchers" in Britain, strangely enough). An odd bunch indeed!

This is an account of the group settling into a forest cabin, to the accompaniment of various troubles, caused mostly by a resident and badly behaved cat. Order is eventually restored when the owner, a little old lady, returns to find the group occupying her home. In case we thought that was the end of the shenanigans, there is a parting shot from the cat, whose eyes glow red as it casts a look at the narrator. There are more troubles ahead, it seems...

Description in the piece is handled with considerable skill, each person being dealt with in a few telling and amusing words, and the view from the window proving to be suitably sylvan. The action does become a little disjointed and is hard to foloow in places. For instance: "landing right on Mr. Twitch’s neck, forcing his head backward and through the window" - I had difficulty in picturing this, imagining that the cat had jumped on Twitch's back, in which case it wouldn't have been able to force his head back. So it must have landed on his neck and chest, but we should have this explained. It would also be good to let us see the glass shattering, instead of learning about that later.

I found a couple of minor errors:

"My mini mix of binocular toters pushed passed me" - pushed past, not "passed"

"until the doorknob opened" - I think the doorknob turned and it was the door that opened.

Otherwise, it's a merry old romp with plenty of action, strained personal relationships and amusing incidents. Quite a carry on!

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17
17
Review of The Stroll  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Stroll by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

An interesting take on life and death, this one. That we should be cajoled into death is a thought that requires some pondering. Although I can certainly accept that a mother's love for the child is so strong that a fierce fight is required to persuade her to abandon her responsibility.

The story is well told and progresses smoothly fom beginning to end, the final paragraphs being like an epilogue to explain what happened and to tie up a few loose ends. I did find a couple of things that could be improved but nothing major. I'll list them below:

"the peculiarly attractive shop" It doesn't tell us anything about why it's attractive.
The word "peculiarly" is the narrator's opinion and we learn nothing from it. The sentence would probably be better without it.

"The door seemed to open with barely a touch..." Seemed to open? It either opened or it didn't. Perhaps you were hoping to add to the rather dazed feeling she's had as she walks around the mall, but this doesn't really help.

Apart from that, it's a fine little tale with an original suggestion for our understanding of the end of life in the tail. Very enjoyable

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18
18
Review of Final Goodbye  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Final Goodbye by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

It's a love story, just as billed in the description, and contains a tragedy that is yet common to so many of us in the end. The sad thing is that all love stories end this way and this is also what makes it hard for me to review this piece. Is it story? I return again and again to the question as I'm reading; is there enough in here to warrant the classification as story? And it's not helped by your choice of genre selection - Contest Entry and Other tell me nothing.

The reason I'm spending some time on this point is that it's fairly important how we regard the piece. Presuming that it's fiction and claims to be a story, we might expect that it would include conflict and a gripping denouement. But this doesn't really have either. It develops the way reality does, with a gradual overcoming of initial shyness, from there into a romance and marriage, then a joined life until disease puts an end to the happy life of the couple. It's too real, too common to almost all of us to be something we read for entertainment.

So it's something other than entertainment. And, well written and without error as it is, it deserves to be showcased as something else. A vignette, perhaps, or a human tragedy? There surely ought to be a classification for this kind of piece - I see so many of them.

I feel guilty for centring my whole review around this one point. But that's often the problem with good pieces - it's hard to find enough to say about them to meet a word count! But I think there's truth in what I've said.

Unless my whole definition of story is too demanding of a plot and a twist.

Review by
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Beholden

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of I Hate Early Morning Visitors by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

A lot more mystery in this one. Plus some blackmail, a little gunfire, and plenty of gum shoe work. I'm a little worried about Lou, however. He seems to be killing a lot of bad guys. I know he's always got a good reason, but are the juries going to believe him?

The plot was quite involved and unfolded throughout the piece with smooth pacing and explanation. Atmosphere is created with language appropriate to the time and several details confirm the setting's period. It's the heyday of the detective story when gangsters abound and prohibition rules. Lou is fairly typical of his chosen calling and much of the characterisation is done for us by the existing lore for this type of story.
It all comes together very well to create an excellent example of the genre for its many fans. For me, it brings back the TV series, Peter Gunn, from the late fifties, a time when detective stories were popular on television.

The writing is clear and sticks with the style of the genre very well. I found no errors or technical problems at all. All in all, it's a competent homage to the iconic detective stories of the thirties.

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Beholden

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of One Busy Night in Chicago by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Well, that was interesting - my first review of a classic style detective story on WdC.
You certainly capture the style of the period, all bored, cynicism and tough metaphors. I don't think I've ever read a detective novel from the thirties (might have done a few short stories) so I'm not really qualified to comment extensively on the approach, but it seems authentic to me.

The story itself was all action vividly described and I followed it with rapt attention.
The plot seemed a lttle predictable, perhaps because we are used to similar stories and TV shows being considerably more intricate and hard to unravel. There was tension in the capture of the girl but Lou dodn't have to do much sleuthing to finish the case successfully. Not sure how you could introduce more mystery, however - it's a very straightforward story.

I did find one minor error in the text: "I'd loose a gun and be left defenseless..."
The correct word is "lose" as "loose" as a verb means to set free or untie.

There's also a technical matter that would be easily corrected if you decide to do so.
The gun he gets from its hiding place on the roof is not specified. We assume it's a pistol. He then proceeds to shoot the gangster through the head with it feom a considerable distance. Pistols are not accurate enough for distance work - it would be better to specify that it's a rifle.

And that's about it - my first detective tale review! Most enjoyable.

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Beholden

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Review of Dad Holmes  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Classic flash fiction, very short simple, and to the point. Although typical of the genre, this little tale has an unusual charm in the character of Dad, who comes across as wise, imperturbable, and fun loving - somewhat refreshing in an age when all dads are regarded as reactionary fools who do nothing but tell bad jokes and watch football.

The character of Lilly is less easy to read. I found myself wondering at her relationship to Dad. It is easy to jump to the conclusion that, if he is Dad, she must be the daughter. Yet she seems very young for that role, and needs to be directed into the right approach to solve the mystery of the disappearing peanut butter. At the same time, she is old enough to buy another jar of PB if necessary. It's all a bit confusing which, although not important in a flash fiction piece, was enough to distract me on my read through.

Apart from that minor quibble, it's an enjoyable read, has no errors, and even teaches a lesson in problem solving. Well done indeed!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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22
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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Private Detectives by jackiesmuse

This one actually made me laugh out loud. It was the discussion about hearing a noise or thinking one heard a noise that did it. Which is very close to the beginning and has an important role in setting the tone for the whole piece. You really must add Comedy to the list of genres - substitute it for Contest Entry (nobody searches for that one).

I also loved the names. They, too, prepare one for the comedy in the piece. And that's the real strength of the whole thing - it is united into a powerful tour de force of the Comedy genre, everything serving that aim and building to a fitting denouement at the end.

Once again, you should edit those genres.

As a Mystery or Crime/Gasngster, I'm not quite so sure. The source of the "noise" was soon revealed and we never did learn what gave our two detectives the idea of searching the house. It may have been a connection to the Mob but we aren't told that. Not that it matters for the story, but I guess it does for the genre.

In summary, it's a delightful example of the best in flash fiction, instantly establishing its characters, placing them in a slightly ridiculous situation, and then tying everything up neatly in the end with a flamboyant bow. Excellent work and I won't even mention the occasional misplaced quotation mark.

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Beholden

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Review of Checkmate  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Checkmate by Josh T. Alto

This is quite a strange little tale. At several points it leaves the reader wondering how the narrator knows all this, since no one casn possibly have witnessed the action. But that's common to most stories - it just stands out a little more in this one as it speaks so much of what was going on in Mrs Richards' head. The reader accepts it all for the sake of the story.

I like the construction of the piece a great deal. The way the facts are announced with newspaper report precision at the start, then the witness account of finding the doors locked and knocking not answered, it follows very smoothly and logically. It's a bit of as jump from there into Mrs Richards' thoughts as she plays chess with her dead husband, but it's not an impossible jump for most readers, I would guess. And the piece is so well written that I'm enjoying it for that alone.

Perhaps the most mystifying aspect of the sstory is the mellowing of Mr Richards in death. Far from being his once violent self, it seems he has become a rather more thoughtful ghost and deflects much of Mrs Richards' criticism as a result. This may seen a slight anomaly in view of his previous ominous predictions of what awaits her in death.

There were a couple of minor flaws that I'll list here:

"Mr. Morgan shouted at him “Come on Buster, let her sleep!”, but he did not leave the door and kept barking." Sounds at first that it was Mr Richards who did not leave the door. Saved by the barking but it's too late to prevent that little hiccup.

"in one of their quarrel before he died" Should be "quarrels".

Otherwise it's a charming story, well written and most enjoyable. Well done.



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Beholden

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Review of Foretold  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Foretold by Purple Celebrates

This is an interesting little tale that overcomes its rather ordinary setting to become quite gripping in the telling. Unfortunately, the introductory passage is rather confusing. It's clear that it's the text of a message, it being in italics, but some of it shouldn't be ("The text message from his mom read."). It takes a while to sort out what should be message and what is explanation of the message. This is distracting to the reader and puts the piece at a disadvantage right from the start.

It does get better, however. The story proceeds from there to a description of working in the store and tying things up at the end of the day. Then he's out on the road, nearly hit by a car as he gets on to the main road and then picks up a crazy driver a bit later in his journey. There's a minor collision which serves tp illustrate the wisdom of Danny's mom's earlier warning to him and finally arrival back home.

Which is fine, as far as it goes. The description is enough to communicate Danny's fear in his encounter with the bad driver but some of the tension is lost because the text is scattered with minor errors. I'll list them so that you can fix them if you wish.

"...sliding his hands across his jeans to the excess raindrops off." Missing word.

"...He slammed on the brakes, his heart slammed in his chest..." Too much slamming - it's distracting. Better to choose another word for the second instance.

"...deal with this crazy drive..." I think you meant "driver."

"...flicked on his turn signal, hit the break..." "break" should be "brake." I know this one's a typo because you've spelt it correctly throughot the rest of the text.

So that's the story, really. Don't spoil a potentially good story with poor editing. Your writing's much better than that. It's not the most scary story in the world (I would hesitate to call it horror) but it's certainly entertaining and dramatic. Tighten up the minor errors and you'll earn a lot more five star reviews.



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Beholden

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25
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Review of Identicals  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Identicals by J.R. PETE

I rather like this story. It has a bare, unadorned feel that is quite in keeping with its subject, a conversation between computers in binary code. The whole tale is told through the terse messages passed between the computers, placing the reader squarely in that environment and mimicking the cold, calculating world of the machine.

It has some problems, however. The introduction of pure binary code is off-putting to most readers, I should imagine. Just the coded names is enough to establish the different feel to the world, leaving the first two lines unnecessary.

The conversation is hard to follow at times too. That's not a major fault since we can hardly expect to understand everything when computers are talking, but the less technologically enthusiastic among us may decide that it's too much for them. And our job is not just to hook readers - it's to hang on to them as well.

It's very hard to judge the writing style as a result of it being merely a record of computer thought. We would expect that to be dry, concerned only with fact, and empty of emotion. So again, it's a good evocation of the situation but not exactly attractive to the reader. The story is just about good enough to overcome this however. And did I detect a little emotion in the voice of the traitor computer on being discovered?
Perhaps that was only my own feelings getting in the way

In the end, it's a great idea, difficult to pull off effectively, and I think you have made a very good job of it. Well done!.

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Beholden

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