Be careful what you proclaim! I, too, declared in my early WDC days that I was not a poet, only to end up writing more poetry than prose. My only excuse is that I could not possibly have foreseen the explosion of poetry that was about to burst forth from my addled old brain.
And here you are, telling us you're no poet. On the evidence of this poem, you could well be mistaken. It's a jaunty little ditty that does exactly what it sets out to do. The meter is occasionally a bit lumpy, but no worse than I see all the time in WDC and that I've been guilty of myself. And, considering that this is a comic poem, that's entirely forgiven by all but the harshest of critics.
So, to answer your question, there's nothing wrong with your sense of humour. Indeed, when we consider how difficult it is to make anyone smile, let alone laugh, through the medium of print, you have a special gift in this area. If I can zero in on one example of this, let's have a look at these two lines:
Gracie's the boxer with a slim, youthful middle
And Tut's a Chihuahua who's louder but little.
Such a perfect description of a boxer's concave middle section (you're lucky I know my dog breeds) coupled with the fact that tiny dogs tend to be a lot louder than big ones, yes, it's funny. But the real punch is in the rhyme. "Middle" and "little" are what are called "near-rhymes" and these are beautifully placed to acentuate the humour of the whole sentence. Near-rhymes are always funnier (and more creative) than true rhymes. It doesn't matter whether you were aware of this when you wrote it; it's talent that knows instinctively what's right and what's not.
Since we've embarked on the detail, let's have a brief look at meter here. The first stanza is flawless in this regard but there's a hiccup in the second. Read it aloud and you'll see what I mean - that last line is not quite right. Try adding the word "had" (to make it "Had entered our house") and the problem is fixed; now the whole thing flows along naturally without the reader having to adjust.
In my early days in WDC, I thought this had to do with number of syllables per line. But it doesn't. You can have lines of multiple syllables that will combine happily with quite short lines. It's about beat, yes, but there's more to it than that. Beats come with stress and stress can do some surprising things at times. Read about the various poetic forms and you'll see lines divided nicely into regular beat/stress words and non-beat words, one after the other. But read a real poem aloud and you'll realise that it isn't always so. The really good poets can set you up so that you read what's coming in the intended rhythm, even though it may not follow the announced form and prescription.
But this is all getting a little technical. Suffice it to say is that, to check on the poem's rhythm and meter, read it aloud. Be hard on yourself and don't start a line again if it proves not able to fit the meter in the expected way. There is always a way to fix this kind of problem, even if you have to change every word and its order to do it.
Then there's the matter of which meter to choose. Your choice of The night before Christmas upon which to base your poem's meter was a good one. The meter sets the tone and that well known poem has just the right sort of jaunty, smiling rhythm that your subject needs. So your framework is excellent and the execution is well above beginner standard.
I want to point out a couple of points that were excellent, either for a poetic reason or a humourous one. I love this, for instance:
Laying toenail whispers
This is so eye-catching but is solved almost immediately by remembering the sound of canine (and, presumably, mouselike) scrabbling of claws on a hard, polished floor. Both poetic and funny. Then there's this echo:
Scratching and sliding she shot past the tree
Ah, the number of times I've watched dogs overshooting in their exuberance on a shiny floor. This is the kind of thing that brings memories to the reader's mind and makes the poem that much more of an immersive experience.
Overall, it's an effective narrative poem that achieves its object with panache and skill. Even the rhymes are great, in spite of your denial! With just a little more attention to rhythm, this is a very good poem. A pleasure to read and left me smiling.
 
|
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "