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1,543 Public Reviews Given
1,544 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Interesting, if a bit dark. It's sci-fi from a rather different angle than usual, a study of the darker side of human nature in the new challenges of space travel. No fascination with arcane propulsion systems here or long consideration of the technology involved in the leap into the unknown - this gets straight to the point of how we'd behave when things go wrong.

And it's relevant to our times too, with the recent demise of several rich people in their venture into space. Suddenly it's not money that counts out there but something else. The repeated mention of the large window to open space paid for by extra expense is so telling - a luxury that now mocks the protagonist with its inability to save her.

The story is simple but gripping in the intensity of its situation and your writing suits the subject admirably - straightforward and pulling no punches. I found no errors or typos, although there might be a better choice of word than the rather awkward "failings." I think you show a lot of promise and can see the potential for great development in your study of the human condition. This story is a great start to your membership of WdC. Keep writing!

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Beholden
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Review of The Closet  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very different take on a fairly well worn and familiar basic story. The childhood fear of something emerging from the closet or under the bed is territory we must all be used to by now - but this tale has a totally different twist in its tail. Modern technology meets Victorian horror indeed!

The tale is well told too, the central character being grown up now and not subject to the fears of childhood - she hopes. But they stir deep within and the reader is pulled along as the threat looms in the night. So the ultimately surprising ending is quite delicious as the protagonist turns the tables completely on her old terrors.

Or perhaps she merely puts the thing out of its ancient misery. It's described, after all, as "misshapen, like something had stepped on it but it continued to live." No matter, however, since the dark sense of horror is maintained either way - even wounded monsters are still monsters.

Ultimately, it's a fresh take on an old theme and a clever story as a result. Most enjoyable. I found no errors or typos so the editing deserves kudos as well.

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Beholden
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178
Review of Tomb with a View  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well, you definitely won me over with that last line. Wish I'd thought of it!

It's a jolly tale of an unfortunate marriage, spoiled by one side's expecting too much and the other's rather over-the-top reaction. And all in verse that prevents the tale from descending into something too serious. I think it's a finely balanced narrative poem that maintains just the right mood and ending in a truly delicious doubletake of a well known phrase.

The rhythm of the text is well maintained (which is what keeps the story from degenerating into farce or tragedy) and the rhymes are sound without being obtrusive or forced. All in all, it's a well-constructed poem that achieves its aim quite elegantly and gives the reader a wry smile at the last. I've never really thought much about how I'd like to buried but now I kinda fancy a "tomb with a view!"

So no suggestions for improvement from me. I like it too much for that!

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Beholden
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Review of Happy  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very effective poem that loses its power through the simple choice of a title. If I take the title alone as indication of what follows, the poem is meaningless - some strong word associations but they seem to be about anything but the title. It's only when I read your description of the poem that it becomes clear what it's about.

Obscurity is not a virtue. I've been young (admittedly a long time ago) and I used obscurity to hide the intense and personal nature of what I was writing about. But it's the device of the young - age teaches us that we're all human and there's nothing in us that isn't shared in everyone else. There's no need to hide. And poetry has to declare itself if it's to be effective at all. Your poem is about swans at night so label it as such. Don't expect the reader to wander through so impressive an assemblage of words without understanding their communal meaning.

Once I know what the poem is about, I can enjoy to the full how your ability with words creates such strong feelings in me. This is the real essence of poetry, that you string words together to make more than their individual meanings. And you're good at it. Just don't spoil it by getting all coy about your meaning - all this poem needs is a title that establishes your subject. It's about swans so call it "Swans."

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Beholden
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Review of Malachi  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A chilling tale of an evil leprechaun. Written to a prompt, the story certainly delivers in that regard but I do feel that there's a slight problem with it. The leap between thinking his home might be discovered and his terrible vengeance seems unlikely somehow. I think you'd do better if you were to spend a little more time on the anger building within the leprechaun, taking the reader along with his thoughts so that the ending does not seem so completely irrational.

Or it may be that my idea of a leprechaun is rather less malignant than envisaged here. This would explain my feeling that the vengeance taken is rather more than might be expected from such a creature as a leprechaun. And that is the fault of the prompt, of course. I don't think of leprechauns as evil but rather as mischievous.

So that is my reaction to the tale. The writing is fine, as I have come to expect from you, and I have no ideas on how you could make it better. I think you have done an excellent job in view of the fairly constricting nature of the prompt. Applause.

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Beholden
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Review of A Little Luck  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A powerful story. As I'm sure many others have done, I wonder whether it's fiction or actually the writer's experience. Does it make a difference? Well, yes, in that it's an indicator of imagination. If it's true, that says nothing about the writer's imagination but, if fiction, I am impressed at the creativity behind it.

Either way, it's a gripping story that the reader is relieved to learn has a happy ending. Few indeed are the stories that have caught my attention so quickly and insisted I continue to read right to the end. Simplicity is the key, of course. There's no attempt to overdramatise or launch into flowery descriptions; just the facts are more than enough to hold the reader.

Reflection on my initial question has led me to decide that it's fiction. So I must congratulate you on the originality of your idea as well as the excellent way you have brought the piece into being. It really is an excellent example of a story well told and a pleasure to read as a result. Well done.

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Beholden
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Review of Buzz Cut  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful little story, full of the triumphs and deflations of everyday life. It's typical of a family tale and without pretensions of being anything else. That's its strength - it knows what it is and unashamedly presents itself without grand literary claims.

As it happens, professional soccer is a field in which Matt's idea would be well known. Many of the players that want to be noticed have strange hairstyles, garishly dyed in technicolor hues, to stand out in the game. And it works - there is never any difficulty in identifying such players. So your story has reality to back it up. And I can vouch for the bees too. One of our kids had a bright yellow toy car that was left on the deck one summer. There came a sunny day when we were chased off the deck by the swarms that were attracted to the car.

So it seems true that truth is stranger than fiction. And it's given you the chance to write a very entertaining story that rings true. I found no errors or typos and the tale flows along very happily so, in the end, I don't have much to say about your technique. You write very well, is all I can muster as a comment. Now write me a tale that comes entirely from imagination - fiction indeed!

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Beholden
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Review of The Unknown  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, it's different, I'll give you that. I'm just not sure that leaving the blob unidentified achieves your aim. It was the anticipation of the "great reveal" that kept me going through all that swaying, and then the failure to let the reader know what the blob is - well, it's a bit of a letdown, not really the way to cash in on the tension you've built. Even just a hint would have been better than leaving it a complete mystery. Fear of the unknown is all very well but, when it's actually killing you, you're bound to get at least an inkling of its type.

I've thought a bit about what it could be and come to the conclusion that it's psychological, a product of Charissa's own fears and complexes. Can't think of anything else that would sway like that. In which case, there could be at least a clue in the text beforehand, some refrerence to childhood terrors or something. Then you'd retain the unknown fear thing but have some reasonable explanation for the reader to work out.

That's my honest reaction to reading the story and it may well be wrong - others may not feel the same. And I have to say that it's only a slight weakness in the tale in spite of the time I've spent on it. My reaction is caused because the rest of the story is very nicely done, with gradually increasing tension and dread of what is coming - surely the result of very effective writing. Being short-sighted myself, I know exactly what it feels like to be without one's glasses and having to indentify strange fuzzy shapes as a result.

So you've written a great story but it needs just a little tweaking to really pack the punch it promises. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A wry little tale with a an ironic use of the required sentence at the end. It's a hard life as a farmer and too many of them live on the very edge of ruin and disaster. Yet these are the people we depend on for our food. If this story helps us to realise a little more clearly the importance of the farmer, it will be a good thing.

You write without recourse to flowery description or overdramatic hyperbole and the result is a piece that communicates with the reader very directly and effectively. It allows us to understand the difficulties faced by the characters and their stoic shouldering of the tasks necessary to make the best of the situation.

The one thing I don't understand is the term "bum lambs." I've not heard this description before and must assume that it's a farming term for a type of lamb. But that doesn't detract from my enjoyment of the piece. It's a simple, stark and moving tale well told.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting tone to this piece. There's a certain detachment in the narration, a separation from reality that lurks in the background until suddenly very apparent in the last sentence. And that's the beauty of the story - it makes us think.

As readers, we tend to take what the narrator tells us as given, but this story shakes this to its foundations. Nothing is sure. We're told that the narrator has established her own sanity. Maybe. The indecision in the sentence, "I’m pretty sure," creates the doubt in our minds. The glee with which we're told that only the sister's fingerprints are on the murder weapon, just another reason to wonder about the truth behind this.

And then the cold determination not to waste such a perfect day makes us sure that there is more to this tale than meets the eye. It's very well done, this shifting of the ground beneath our feet so that the created world becomes unreliable, uncertain. I'm impressed with your subtlety and ability to create atmosphere with so few words. Seemingly so simple a story but with such dark rumblings beneath the surface!

Congratulations on a truly excellent story.

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
From the sublime to the ridiculous! I began reading this with absolute envy, my own experience of lawn mowing being limited to the push along variety . You can imagine the dreams of ride-ons I harboured. Yet I still felt your disappointment as the tractor ran out of fuel and then broke down. Fleeting thoughts of my old push mowers returned and then you emerged from the garage with a weed whacker. Suddenly all jealousy disappeared from my mind as you demonstrated your willingness to descend so far and remain cheerful! It was not a case of how the lawn was mowed but rather that it was mowed at all.

So your story has a moral and value beyond just the amusement and entertainment immediately apparent. I am the better for having read it and learning my lesson for the day. So prettily done indeed.

The tale is well written too and so constructed that the reader does not see the ending coming. All the better to be pleasantly surprised, of course. A delightful tale and an enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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Review of Traitor's honour  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A very dramatic tale, told with great verve and understanding. Though I was well aware of where the story was going, I was held by the quality of the writing and the vivid painting of each scene. The main character, Cassius, is well drawn and the reader is fully persuaded in his cause as the horror that was Caligula is demonstrated. One can understand the conflict in Cassius' heart as he wrestles with the demands of his oath to serve and his disgust at the inhumanity of the emperor.

I think you've done an excellent job of telling the tale of the assassination. The fact that you did this without typos or errors makes the piece even more enjoyable. It is not an easy thing to bring history alive so effectively. I am reminded of Robert Graves' history titled I, Claudius. Well done, indeed.

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very celeverly constructed, nice use of repetition and a heartwarming end to the tale. I confess I was being lulled into complacency as the story neared its end - I thought this was a very ordinary event with little chance of twist or surprise in the ending. And then you switched it from a fairly standard military story to a study in societal strata! The reversal of fortune was quite delicious.

I had noticed the concentration on the likability of Dave all the way through but thought this a possible weakness. Meaning that I hadn't seen the final repetition coming and, with it, the point of the story. Dave is clearly an excellent character and a fine hook upon which to hang this story.

I noticed no errors and the style is easy to read and clear. Altogether, it's a fine piece and a most enjoyable read - especially that ending.

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting snapshot of life amongst the teens. You know your subject, clearly, and communicate it well, but have one weakness that tends to deflect the reader's attention from the text. You often insert dialogue without assigning it clearly. So the reader ends up having to work out just who is talking. I'm not saying that you should tag every contribution to a conversation but, if you don't identify who is speaking after a sentence about someone else, the natural assumption is to assign the statement to the most recent actor. Your first two sentences are an example of this. You've been talking about Milo and then say, “Why should I?” He laughed, a dumb, smug smirk laying across his features. It looks as though Milo said it, but it doesn't make sense in that case (and it should be "lying" not "laying").

Apart from that, you need to edit a bit more carefully (Couch Brady?) and watch your tenses ("Thank you my dear.” Brady sighs, eyes floated back to Milo - sudden switch to the present tense for no apparent reason). But your writing is very capable, bringing the scene to life and involving the reader very quickly. As for the story, it's less than gripping, perhaps because you did not go into detail of how much difficulty Milo was having in breathing. But I suspect you were more interested in the characters and their reactions than the story. It reads more as an exercise than as a blockbusting tale.

So you've demonstrated considerable writing abilty - now you need to use that in a story that shows us your imagination.

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Beholden
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Review of Prompt Writing  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting. I like the way you have scattered little details of the environment through the dialogue. These give atmosphere and place to the scene, a vivid background that draws us in as much as the intensity of the conversation.

But it's the conversation that matters, of course. These deep matters of the soul that are shared in halting words drawn with care and reluctance from the two characters. You do an excellent job of painting the emotion inherent in the situation, resulting in a portrait of the two people involved. It's not a story, as such, but it might be if we knew the facts that have brought about their feelings. It is, as you have labelled it, a sample piece, a demonstration of one aspect of your skill as a writer.

And I would say that you've shown considerable ability in this short piece. Next, you should have a go at story, I think. Put your skills to work! I'm sure you will prove a most effective tale creator.

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Beholden
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Review of Ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A sad tale indeed. And you tell it well, so that the reader walks with you across the room and experiences the disappointment of the wraith being ignored in the end.

There is one little thing that jars slightly in the reading. Consider this sentence: "No longer able to touch, smell, taste, or love..." The problem is that, if a ghost is no longer able to feel love, there is no explanation for the yearning for the loved one she describes. I'd leave that out of the list, so that love can remain as the one explanation of her grief and despair.

Otherwise it's a fine little tale, especially as it is grammatically sound and devoid of typos and errors. Well done.

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A very pleasant and dreamlike evocation of two perfect lands, a work of imagination that you have created with great care and sensitivity. As a story for children, I think it offers a healing alternative to some of the harsher aspects of life, and may well be remembered by them as something to reach for as they grow up.

The one caveat I have on this is that very matter of balance that you mention. The truth is that life is composed of good and bad, ups and downs, a range of hues and gradations of colour from light to dark and bright to dim. It is, in fact, the depths that enable us to see how great are the heights. I know that Nevermore caters for this, but the full healing that it represents seems a bit far fetched to me. Perhaps I am too cynical for children's literature.

It remains a remarkably beautiful tale of sweetness and light. I had one hiccup in reading it but it's a very minor matter and hardly worth bothering with. It's those trees she climbed in the course of her journey. What was the purpose of that and didn't it waste some journeying time?

See how strangely my mind works. But I can still see that this is quite a delightful story and must congratulate you on both the concept and execution. Applause.

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Beholden
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Review of Lovebirds  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun*  *Icecreamb*  *Sun* A SuperPower Reviewers Summer review! *Icecreamb*  *Sun*  *Icecreamb*


You know, this works in despite of being telegraphed from several miles out. The situation is a cliché but you have managed to succeed in rewarding the reader in spite of this. I'm sitting here, wondering how you did it, and the only answer I've been able to come up with is those doves. Somehow they take all the sameness out of the story and elevate it to a different thing entirely. I mean, I've heard of romantic but this is really way beyond that, a sort of super-romantic tale that earns forgiveness for all the well worn stuff that went before.

Not that it isn't well told even so. There are no errors or typos and the action flows quite naturally. Description is good too. And in the end those doves turbocharge the thing so that it takes off and carries us to the land of all happy endings. It's quite marvellous, a conjurer's trick with a flea bitten rabbit out of a shabby old hat that results in sparkling magic. Bravo, indeed!

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Beholden
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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Nice one - fooled me right up to the last sentence. And that's the point of this flash fiction thing, that the twist in the tale (tail) is kept for the last moment. It's also a believable story because the dialogue is kept real and on point, without deviating to incidentals (as real conversation does so often). It's a rare skill to write dialogue that seems natural but avoids the pitfalls of our usual speech.

It does seem a little unlikely that one character would visit the other's place to throw out things he considered junk, but it's necessary for the storyline so acceptable in the end. Certainly the other's reaction and retaliation is understandable! And it's a well argued defence of all things being different that Alan provides. I suspect this is the real intent of the story - to make this point in an entertaining way.

All in all, it's a clever and amusing little tale without grammatical error or typo. Well done!

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Beholden
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Review of Going Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*  *Icecreamb*  *Sun* A SuperPower Reviewers Summer review! *Icecreamb*  *Sun*  *Icecreamb*


Beautiful story - I can see why it won. I like especially that you kept the matter of the species of tree until the very end. Nicely woven in. It's this apparently unconnected detail (until you make the connection) to the prompt that gives the story its special oomph. I'll bet no one else thought about the species of the tree.

It's very well written with special attention given to the dialogue, but I did meet a couple of minor hiccups on the way through:

"Ralf stared at his reflection on the metal paper towel dispenser with a photographer's eye." Sounds as if the dispenser had a photographer's eye. Easily fixed by moving the eye to the beginning of the sentence, viz. "With a photographer's eye, Ralf stared as his reflection..."

"The doctor pulled up a chair, and began to shuffle through Ralf's records.
'Doc!,' he said sharply. 'Paper is for the insurance company..." I though at first the doctor was saying this. Needs a tag.

Otherwise, it's a very enjoyable story, well written and entertaining. Applause.

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Beholden
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Review of Imperfections  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Apparently, you've had five reviews of this piece already. That's an amazing number - very few people get that sort of response when just starting out in WdC. So you're doing something right with this piece at least. And I would venture to guess that it's because you've written on a subject that is close to many people's hearts.

Your feeling as detailed in this story are not uncommon. In fact, we've all experienced feelings of inadequacy in some way or another and your eventual solution to the problem is what most of us decide in the end too. So you do not need to feel alone.

As for the writing, I was quite surprised to read that you're dyslexic. There's no sign of it in your writing. I would say that you've not only overcome what you thought were your physical disadvantages, but also you've beaten any obstacles in your path to writing. Now all you need do is to write a few more things for us to read!

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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Wry. That's the word that occurred to me on reading this. It's an amusing tale with an ironic twist at the end. As such, it's not going to shove Shakespeare off his perch but it will certainly entertain it's readers and give them a wry smile at the end. And there's that word again!

The writing is faultless, which always helps but leaves me with little to carp about. And I approve of the narrator's thoughts being delivered in italics. All in all, it's an enjoyable story told very competently and without unnecessary adronment. Applause.

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Review of Lost in Wales  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah, finding one's way in Wales - I remember it well. In my day it was achieved by the use of a map. Suggestions from locals were only useful if you followed the opposite of the indicated route.

It's an amusing tale that brings back memories. But you never said whether your journey met with ultimate success. For all I know, you might still be lost in an unknown location deep in the heart of Wales. After all, it's only three moths old.

The pronunciation of Welsh is a good point, however. I had an uncle who married a Welsh woman and, as a result, he claimed to know how to pronounce the language. He tried to educate me in it but I never got much further than the double ells and dees, plus the annoying doubleyoos and whys. So I understand why you had to see words written down rather than trying to decipher the sound of them.

A fine little tale but just a bit lacking in its ending. I so wanted to know whether you mnade it in the end!

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Review of Sara Beth  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wonderful story, full of surprises and interesting ideas. You have a very creative imagination. There are several minor problems that I had to stop and think about as I read through, however. All are insignificant but may be distracting to a reader - and they're so easily fixed. I made notes as I read so I'll paste them in here for your consideration:

Just a suggestion - change her name to Ms Winter rather than Winters. Makes the possessive form less awkward.

Another point - in "He’d read, take copious notes, sit back reflect, edit..." you need a comma between "sit back" and "reflect." Also, are you aware that "He'd read" can be read as "He had read" as well as "He would read"? Both make sense in context but the choice gave me a pause in my reading - and that might be true for other readers too. Might be best to pick one to make it clear which is meant.

"His pen twirled in his hand, old fashioned as it was..." Reads as though his hand was old fashioned. Sure, what follows clarifies it but the damage has already been done by then.

“'Because, I love interrupting you.' She held a large manila envelope." The reader has no idea who this "she" is. She needs to be introduced at least with a name.

“'Samson, stay. I’ll need you here to cause a little diversion, my friend,' as she patted his head.” Again, we have no idea who Samson is and have to stop to work it out. Much better to say, "as she patted the dog's head."

Action becomes very confused after Mack agrees that his wife should deal with Sandra. They're in the office, then suddenly Mack's driving the car up to the house and opening the door for the ladies. It's a case of too much dialogue and not enough action. The reader needs to be told how they get from one location to the next.

"...the archeologist have four more days..." Archeologists.

And that's it. Otherwise it's a fascinating tale and a most enjoyable read. I know it was written quite a long time ago but it might be worth attending to the few errors I mentioned, if only for the sake of others who come across the story. A fine piece of work, even so.

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Review of Brad's Epiphany  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Melodrama? I'd have said Romance but then, it's your story not mine. Must admit that your choice of genre kept me open-minded about the story as I read, so that the ending came as a pleasant surprise. I'd have been more prepared had it been announced as Romance and that might have lessened the impact.

The story has plenty of interest for the reader regardless of its genre and I enjoyed reading it. To some extent, it's marred by a few typos and errors, however, and would benefit from a careful edit. There's also the redundancy of telling us twice in the first paragraph that Billings was the narrator's hometown. One of those needs to go.

Not sure about the significance of the Bible verse. I think you need to tie it more closely into what follows, perhaps in the final paragraph. Make sure the reader understands its importance in the culmination of the story.

There is a problem, too, in the final paragraph. You say that Brad never made it to Billings and then go on to tell us some of what happened. The problem arises because Brad also wonders what happens in his future. It's confusing because, if he's wondering about the future, how can he know that he never makes it to Billings? It presents the reader with a bit of a POV dilemma between the omniscient third party narrator and Brad's view of things. Probably best to replace the last three sentences with something like this: "And yes, Brad and Louise spent the rest of their lives together."

These are minor matters, however, and easily fixed. All in all, it's an enjoyable read.

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