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Review Requests: OFF
1,301 Public Reviews Given
2,367 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
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Review of Epiphany  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This prologue needs to get my interest and it does because there is a lot of questions going through my head. The father-son dispute comes over well even though we don't yet know why it happened. Only one conscious character and he is credible.
A few possible typo/errors: had not seem (seen) in over ten years. / he walked into his son(')s office / At first, Johnathan thought it would be best for Scott to blow off some steam (This sentence is repeated in the same paragraph and one sentence needs to be deleted.) / Johnathan began to worried (worry) / back to the way it was filled him with hope. (Delete: filled him with hope (it is repeated in the next sentence.)) These are easy fixes if you agree.
The mystery in this prologue gives me the inclination to read on.
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277
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A lot going on in this chapter and so much that Henrietta has to cope with. She is a strong character though and quite able get by.
A few bits to consider: "Well(,) we didn't know / behaving like a ten(-)year(-)old / "Yes(,) your phone / let(s) out a big sigh. "What is it(,) mum?" (In this instance I would use a capital: Mum.) / "Oh no (,) mum..." (or Mum) / Oh(,) god (God)." / Don't worry(,) mum (Mum) / that red dress we brought (brought or bought?) / collection of tea pots and tea cups (teapots and teacups) / cross(-)legged / "Alright(,) sweetie! /.
So we come to the end of the story so far; a bit like those films where you have to imagine your own ending. In this case I think of what I would like to happen but that is not necessarily what the author has in mind. The story itself is a glimpse of life for a young girl with all the excitement of those innocent dating schooldays. The characters are, in my opinion, well drawn and believable. I have enjoyed reading this as I found it to be well written and able to hold my interest throughout. A clean refreshing piece of writing. I wish you well in your future writing and I recognise that you have a talent for writing. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful on the punctuation but I am sure that it will all fall in place as you continue to write and to receive reviews from the folk here on WDC.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story is getting near to its end and the reader is still not sure which way she will go. This is a good plot as it could in fact go either way or she could even choose neither.
A few bits to consider: She thanks god (God) / You knew this was going to happen. (Maybe this could be in speech marks.) / Henry cries out in protest, (This is confusing and needs a bit more clarification. What does she cry out? Is it part of the previous paragraph?) (There seems to be no penalty given to a serious prank) / “You would?!” (Question mark or exclamation) / Henry fells (feels) like a complete drama queen / and then punch(ed) George / She just felt full to bursting of (with) happiness.
I look forward to the final chapter.
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279
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The two set off on a quest to pay back a teacher for his sexist attitude and it makes for interesting and enjoyable reading. Light hearted though as they wish to cause no physical harm. Mark nearly gets his kiss at the end, but it is avoided at the last moment by input from year seven, or the author, Oh no!
Bits to consider: "Well(,) I'm not surprised(,)" Emma says / Think about it(,) Henry / and all three walk to form chained together in unison. (Although this makes sense it can read a bit strange if the reader does not recognise that in this case form means class. I think the word form could cause confusion, if only temporary.) / terrorists that were hiding hostages (hiding or holding?) / top draw(er) of the teacher's desk / Barely breathing, they both listens (listen) / "Oh(,) I really do!" / "No(,) he doesn't!" / we’ve been in here ages(,)” Mark says to her / "Oh my god, (god or God?) / what is about to happened (happen) is completely wrong.
Another well written chapter to this refreshingly pleasant and enjoyable story. Must read on.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
How can you write over 3,800 words about two young couples going on a date to the cinema and keep the reader interested/ It would take a lot of talent to do that and you have that talent. Not only did it keep me interested but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. My only disappointment was the lack of input from Mark again. But I have to accept that it looks as if he is out of the picture now.
Some words you may want to close Up: make up / eye liner / arm rest / school boy / head mistress / goose bumps x 2.
Other bits: "Yeah(,) I know(,) mum (Mum)! / "Hey(,) Darcy, / Slow down(,) Henry(,) / Thanks for coming(,) George. / No problem(,) Henry, / how she reacted to (a) gruesome screen (scene) / George anymore questions (any more) / which teenagers has (have) been eaten / I was leaving anyway(,) Darcy says / October winds causes (cause) her to start shivering / her voice travel(l)ing back /.
I love this story and look forward to reading on. In my opinion, this is what literature is about.
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281
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Henrietta is still unsure of where she is heading in her possible relationships. This comes over very clearly in this chapter and the reader is sure to be wondering which road, if any, she will take. It is such a treat to be able to see into the mind of a teenage girl and to see how she thinks.
A couple of bits to think about: Oh(,) Emma, it was awful / Henry thanked god (God) / Oh(,) Henry, poor you / And apparently(,) he didn’t know / “Oh, what a mess honey(,)” Emma says / kept her nose out of Henry’s love life all together (altogether) / it isn’t welcome any more (anymore) / once and for all Henry(,)” Emma says / “Well(,) what about someone you didn’t care / god’s gift (maybe God’s gift) / they’d made a break through (breakthrough) the other day / game of cluedo (Cluedo) / work on them separately(,)” Henry replies / the more grown(-)up thing to do / Wow(,) you’ve worked fast / to anyone over hearing (overhearing) that conversation(,) it sounded / Luckily, before anymore can be said (I think in this case any more needs to be two words.) / “Well, technically/” (...) Irrita/” (...) (I saw this usage earlier and I must say I have not seen it before that. Is it something from texting or facebook?)
I continue to enjoy this story and I am eager to read on.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
We get a good real life dilemma as Henrietta is still attracted to an unreliable ex-boyfriend as well as having a new found feeling for someone who she once disliked. A typical love triangle seems to be developing and as a reader I wonder which way it will go. This is sure to keep me interested. I would fly the flag for Mark but, as in life, fiction does not always go the way you want it to. I also wonder if sparks will fly if Darcy feels threatened. I must read on to find out.
A few bits to consider: / a green t shirt, (t-shirt) / Luckily, her mum re-enters to (the) room / “So do you like your surprise(,) Henrietta?” / catch up properly as well(,).” Sophie exclaims. / Have you brought (bought) any new clothes? / “Right(,).” James says, nodding. / she know(s) it really isn't anything to do with her. / “Well(,) she obviously didn't think it was important(,).” Defends Henry. / “No(,) I don't(,).” (she) She replies stubbornly. / "Right(,)." James replies. / connection any more (anymore) /. All easy to fix if you agree.
As all previous chapters this one did not disappoint. Well done.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have enjoyed all the chapters so far. But this is my favourite. This is such an enjoyable piece and a delight to read. The bubble scene put a smile on my face and kept it there throughout.
One of the technician's comes out (no apostrophe) / dish cloths (dishcloths) / overflowed(,)." Mark replies / "As a woman(,) you should be used to cleaning." / eye lashes (eyelashes) / "Hmmm(. or !)" / from her quite (quiet) sadness / At first(,) Henry is startled /.
Well done with this refreshingly good read. I am eager to read on.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another well-written chapter. We get a bit of back story which comes at the right time. Also I am glad to hear from Mark in this chapter. I prefer Mark to James at the moment because I got to know him well in chapter 1 and James seems a bit distant at the moment.
Some bits: I think "kit-kat" should be (Kit-Kat). / "Hopefully(,) Mr Fletcher will be" Introductory word requires a comma. / "Simultaneously, the(y) both hold up their finished pictures," / "in his door way" (doorway). / “Well(,) it's too late now(,).” Henry says, / "similar flash backs (flashbacks). / Henry nods relived. (relieved). / "Yes(,) Sir(,)". Henry replies / Lunch time (Lunchtime) also later x 2. / into her group(')s usual break time / “Oh come’on (come on) guys, we’re not Grease.” / She would be willing to be(bet) money on James being in her class.
There are some comma's which I think might be misplaced, but I don't want to mark them up in case I am mistaken.
I enjoyed this chapter and it continue to hold my interest. I don't know where this is going and that is a good thing. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
We don’t see much of Mark but see Henrietta and her pals a lot. Again the story continues to hold my interest as it is entertaining.
I noticed some of your words which are usually joined to form only one word: lunchtime, leftovers, heartbroken, lifetime, show-off, pushchair, and stepbrother. Also two hyphens eight-year-old and seventeen-year-old.
Commas are a problem to lot of people but a few bits I know: When someone is being addressed a comma proceeds the name: “Thank you, Jane.”
“Once they’d brought the day tickets,” (Should this be bought?) / “Emma holds out up her hands in surrender.” (An extra word) / “Here here!” (“Hear! Hear!) / “Yes we did, we/ Henry swiftly gets cut off.” (Yes we did, we... Henry swiftly gets cut off. ).
There are probably some comma errors which others may point out. They are a problem for me sometimes.
So another enjoyable chapter leaving the reader caring about the characters and wondering how the story will progress. I look forward to reading on to find out.
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286
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A thoroughly good read. The story held my interest throughout and shows a skill in that a simple matter spread over so many words can still keep the reader interested. I can clearly imagine the characters and the surroundings. A great piece of writing indeed.
A few bits I noticed which I think may be errors: "but this just feels to (too) intimate" / I have tried to work out the meaning of the sentence that starts "Eight times ten was eighty, " but had to give up. / The use of capital words in the text to highlight a word, in my opinion, has the opposite effect and tends to pull the reader out of the story. / "my mum picked it up from boots (Boots) last week.
This is a work to be proud of and I look forward to more.
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Review of Martha  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a treat. I am so glad that I came across this one. A well-written story and I spotted no errors or typo's. This had my attention throughout and is one of the best ghost stories I have read in a long time. I wondered how it would end and was impressed with the last sentence which was unexpected. Well done with this excellent piece and welcome to WDC. I feel that you are one to watch.
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Review of Silly Moose  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
As I start to read I think this a person but then wonder if it is an animal thinking. Is it the Moose. No. It turns out to be a bear. The story, in two parts, is refreshingly different and very well-written. I found no errors or typo's. The first part comes across as a wonderful insight to life other than our own. The second part is just as good and both parts compliment each other to give an interesting and enjoyable read. Very well done.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Chapter one got my interest straight away as I assumed that this would be an interesting and perhaps poignant story. Chapter two takes the reader on a pleasant journey through time showing friendship developing. The last paragraph is a joy to read and ends an enjoyable section. Chapter three draws the story to a sad end in part but with a nice surprise as well.
Overall a well-written piece where I noticed no errors or typos. It is always good to see a proper end to a story as I hate the Hitchcock type stories where you have to guess the end yourself. All in all a very good and, in my opinion, a faultless piece of work.
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Review of He's Gone  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Okay this is a good effort and worth a bit of work to make you feel more happy with it.
This is, of course, purely a suggestion by me thinking if the sonnet style were one of mine.
2 & 4 of the third stanza:
I really don't know what he sees in her / All of our good times now seem like a blur
Couplet: "I'll never again see him smile at me," / Who cares, good riddance 'cause now I am free
Of course this changes the theme from Boo Hoo to Cherrio Cheater, which is maybe not what you are looking for.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An interesting piece, and it is good to see that you have mentioned the negative consequences as well as the positives. Negatives include the use of the internet by fraudsters and other criminals as well as terrorists. But on balance, I suppose we have to give the new technology the thumbs up.
A possible typo: "Their parents to consumed in work" (too).
Well done with this and welcome to W.D.C.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good story and well written. The characters were believable and the settings were drawn enough for me to easily imagine what was going on. The work put into creating this chapter insures that I would want to read future chapters.
I noticed quite a few possible typo's: " Toby said they were " (Missing punctuation) Perhaps Toby said they were, "Fit for Royalty." / " others had run away in terror, (.) There " / "forgotten by every one." (everyone) / " and begin (being) thirsty he drank a glass of wine " / " and know (knew)nothing more " / " the sound of things begin (being) carried " / (everyone) (someone) / " and hop(ped) away quickly. " / " no one in the house but em " (???) / "a large office(r) he had once seen talking to the (delete the) his father. " / "Mercy on us, who is he! (?) " / "Why was i (I) forgotten?" / " there was no on(e) in the house but himself and the little white rabbit who had hop (hopped) away.
Looks a lot, but easily fixed. Well done with this interesting story and welcome to W.D.C.
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293
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This second chapter introduces us to a different set of characters. It is well written and acceptably visual to me without being over graphic. Nasty people indeed though. In a book I would be eager to read on to find out where this is going.
Possible typo: "Come one, we have a job to do.”
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A well written start to the story with good potential. It is easy for me to see the characters and the scenery. I did not find any flat points and my interest was kept throughout. You have a likable main character and an interesting meeting with the mysterious secondary character in the tavern. An enjoyable read and I look forward to more.
Possible typo's: "dissuade any wolves, bears, and ( ) from attacking a lone wanderer." (Missing or misplaced word.) / "then placed ( ) under the bundle of clothes and trinkets" (missing word.) / "yanked me aide (aside). Glaesum wiggled in his pack,"
Well done with this and welcome to W.D.C.
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295
Review of Colorful Dreams  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A well written piece which we can assume from the start is a dream. The interest remains throughout and the end gives a bit of a twist which makes the whole thing more meaningful. The only thing I would change is the age written as 5. I think it would look better on the page as: five. Well done with this.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A good start to the story with the elemental theme perking the interest. Nice characters with enough descriptions for me. The mention of the grandmother has me wondering if we will hear more about her. There is certainly enough here to get me to read on.
A few typing errors noted: My mother(')s car. / but I can(')t stay / to (too) heavy for human strength / "Great.(,)" I though(t) to myself. / no where (nowhere) to be found / I asking (??)dripping my words / everyone else(')s power /.
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Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I look back from this final section and can say that I found most of it very interesting. Giving me an insight of places and things which I will probably never experience. As I travel though the journey I get to meet varied characters who are also interesting in perhaps a fictional way. However, I find the bits about astronomy a bit tedious, and although it is seems to be a thread that is a main part of the story, I find myself skipping through it. This makes the final chapter, for me, the least enjoyable. It is of course well-written as is all the previous chapters and I have had an interesting journey.
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298
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another series of journeys to places I'll never visit, and adventures I will probably never experience now. This makes this an enjoyable and interesting read for me once again. I look forward to the final part.
A few possible typo's: brought your togs and jandels (should this be sandals?) / we finishe the race first place (finish or finished) / makes every so much simpler (everything?)
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299
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another series of journeys to places I'll never visit, and adventures I will probably never experience now. This makes this an enjoyable and interesting read for me once again. I look forward to the final part.
A few possible typo's: brought your togs and jandels (should this be sandals?) / we finishe the race first place (finish or finished) / makes every so much simpler (everything?)
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Review of Novel teaser  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice well-written and enjoyable read. Seems a new take on dragons, which are usually shown as fierce low intelligence creatures. Here we have them as intelligent, well spoken creatures living in a city of their own. It is difficult at first, therefore, to suspend disbelief in the story, but gets easier as I read on.
A few typo's noted: far to (too) much at stake / "Enter and be heard," her mother(')s voice booms. / effect, not sure if this should be affect / dragon(')s / a curl of smoke raises \should this be rises?
This is something different and holds my interest enough to want to read on.
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