I have the chance to read and review your poem as I took a chance on Read & Review for a whopping deluge of gift points. I think it's a birthday celebration thing as each one I have done has garnered me with a good mittful of gift points.
I can see why your poem would not be published in any official brochures for the University of Kansas. Though it did give me a wee laugh. The more I read it the more tantalizing it is.
I am also doing this review as part of the Birthday Review Challenge and I am required to come up with at least one suggestion for your piece. I find this difficult to do as the piece is quite good, despite its sexual innuendo.
I don't see any spelling issues. The most I could suggest is to maybe center the poem and see if that form may push your poem further.... yikes.
It really must be quite the sight... and I dare say, I will look at another bell tower without the memory of this poem tickling the back of my mind. Not sure if I should thank you for that or not.
Either way, thanks for sharing. Enjoy the birthday week.
I was seeking a blue or yellow case to review and I took my chances with Read & Review. Your poem popped up.
Please remember that these comments and suggestions are just that. Your work is your own. It is perfectly okay to disregard my opinions if you do not agree.
I love the picture you have attached. Cats are a favourite of mine. We recently adopted a five year old boy. He's been with us only two months and it feels like he has always been a part of our wee family.
I really like this. I can feel the emotion and shifted equilibrium that comes in the moments of first waking and not immediately recognizing your space. I wonder if this is how a person with mild dementia faces their day? My mother has been diagnosed with mental confusion just recently so this poem resonates with that.
Thank you so much for sharing your words.
I am doing the Birthday Review challenge so I need to find something to suggest. Hard to do when everything seems in order.
One suggestion I could make is more for aesthetic appeal - to center it to give it focus.
My favourite lines:
"but I can’t help but feel
that it’s a game,
a practical joke
played by sleep
on a mind befuddled by time."
Our minds love to play tricks on us. It's just another torment of aging.
I wish you the best of the week and hope you take part in as many Birthday events as you can manage. Maybe a little writing will help strengthen that silly mind and keep it occupied with more interesting things.
Hi AJblurryface;
Welcome to Writing.com or WDC as many of call it. I see you joined only a couple of days ago. Hope your partaking in some of the many Birthday celebrations here on the site. I found the site overwhelming when I first began in March 2013. It wasn't until the Birthday week, this very week, that I really dove in and enjoyed myself. I've been here ever since.
Part of the birthday celebrations is to review a newbie - someone here within the first 6 months - and I picked you. I started one of your poems... and I will go back to it after this one.
I was intrigued by the title and the premise of your idea. There is something there, but I am sensing your block has stumped you up. Not to worry that happens to all of us. I find writing through it tends to get things going again.
One book that I find helpful is Alan Watt's the 90-day novel. Now I certainly don't plan on keeping to the 90 days, but I have appreciated the questions that have helped me unlock my story. I realize this is a short story and not a novel, but sometimes these kind of questions can break open a block.
Another thing I find is to TELL yourself the story. Don't worry about the showing part yet, just tell yourself the story and stay open to possibilities.
Consider characters. Who lives in this village? Who is this Protagonist that has come to knock on your brain? Who or what are his or her Antagonists?
Do some world building. What is Shadowbrook really like? Create it for yourself. You need to know what the place it like before you can show it to your readers. Tell yourself about it and HAVE FUN.
Again, welcome to WDC. Make sure to enjoy yourself here. Everyone is helpful and willing to help. Get involved and see where it takes you.
I have a feeling things will come together for you... if not now then sometime in the future. Stay open to the possibility. There is no stress on you to perform. Nobody needs to see your work in progress and it is better if they don't. Story has more power if you keep the original sparks contained within your heart. When you are ready, then share.
Good morning. I popped in to Read & Review and your documentary piece came up. So here I am. I am making a few suggestions. Please keep in mind this is my opinion and the piece is ultimately yours.
I love the words written on your brother's frame. I appreciate the all caps.
One Suggestion would be to center it so that it stands out even more.
Another Suggestion would be to space out your paragraphs to give more white space and make it easier to read. There are a few spots where your sentence breaks and drops to the line below. It would be smoother to eliminate those spots. I noticed three times where that happened.
My third suggestion would be to check out your punctuation. I noticed a few times where commas were placed in spots not really needed. This sentence could be made smoother by breaking it up into two sentences.
"This
youngest brother graduated as a Teacher, passed the National Exam as the. Country's Topnocher."
Something like this:
This youngest brother graduated as a Teacher. He passed the National Exam as the Country's Topnocher.
I've never heard of a 'topnotcher' before, but I am guessing he excelled and was ranked among the top ten... or higher.
To be a bit more personal, I would love to know your brother's name instead of simply saying 'my youngest brother'. I'd also be curious to know the names of your other brothers.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. You are a proud sister. You are fabulous too, don't forget that. I was getting vibes of 'boys are important, girls aren't', but then I tend to be more sensitive to that kind of thing.
I had the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece for the No Dialogue contest as it came before mine in the Twenty-three in Eleven Forum.
I felt the emotion of this piece. I loved the ending with the dog... though I worried where the dog was during the party...
This line could benefit from some edits... if you still have time before the contest closes:
"The last patrol finally car left the street, giving a farewell whoop as it rounded the corner."
I think you did a great job doing this without dialogue. Good luck in the contest.
It's 💙 Carly and I had the pleasure of reading and reviewing your personal essay on decluttering - Inspired by Hoarders. I am in need of a serious declutter as well, though I am not hoarders level yet either, I still want to be conscious of my choices.
Another show that is a bit more recent is The Swedish Are of Death Cleaning. Sounds a little extreme, but when you think about the premise... do you want to leave all this junk for your relatives to clear out, it makes sense to take the time to reassess and shift into declutter mode.
Thank you for sharing this piece and getting me thinking it's time to sift through my rubble. I would have to have a pile of books topple over on me while I sleep. I do have far too many books.
Hi Neva,
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem. I am not familiar with your particular brand of spiritual practice, but like most it seems to focus on LOVE. You do it justice with your lovely crafted words.
I read it over several times to let the verses sink in. I could visualize the person experiencing their moment of spiritual connectedness. Fine work, woven together well.
Hi Neva,
It's Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it comes before mine in the I Write Challenge Twenty Three in Eleven.
I really like this poem. Simple, yet powerful. Those are the best kind.
I like the repetition of the word moment and when I looked at all the last words other than moment I could see the importance of things - God, meditation, gratitude, humanity & friends and family.
Well done. Thank you so much for sharing this little gem.
I hope your world is going better these days. My prayers are still with you.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your... hook as it comes before my entry to the I Write - Twenty Three in Eleven Challenge.
Already I have more words than your hook. When I first read your entry, I went to see what the contest expected and realized the nature of the contest. That being said, your entry is strong and gives the reader many questions that draw them in. Since that is the ultimate goal of the contest, I have to say you nailed it. Good luck in the contest and happy May!
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece of flash fiction as it falls before mine in the Twenty-Two in Eleven I Write challenge.
This is a very intriguing bit of story... no doubt it could be so much more that simply a moment of flash fiction. I want to know more... this was a taste of something so much more.
I enjoyed the whispered words between Layla and Esa. Getting ready for the dinner was vivid enough to see.
I'm 💙 Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it comes before mine in the Twenty-three in Eleven (I Write) forum.
I can so relate to this poem's message. Words can haunt you. You can stew over what you said and how you said it forever it seems and some things seem to hold on for a long time and seem like a haunting. I think you captured that essence very well.
I had a moment of confusion, but then I saw the.... (dots) and realized that made perfect sense. My only suggestion is to increase the size of the poem to 4 or 4.5 so those dots can be seen.
Other that that I think you rocked this. Good luck with the contest.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
You have decided on a sonnet. My hats off to you. I find attempting a structured poem far more difficult than going free verse, but I see it is part of the prompt. I like your topic and the poem is lovely, but I would be more inclined to say renewal is early spring, not winter's end, but then this is preference and you may be lucky enough to live in an area where spring is pushing in on the end of winter... Right now, I am living in an area still buried in a good foot of snow. Come on Spring! This poem was a nice reminder of what is to come.
Form:
A sonnet. I have to look up the link for this....
The rhyming pattern follows and your word choices are well done. I can could 10 syllables per like... so I am thinking iambic pentameter has been achieved.
Favourite Lines:
I like the last couplet as it resonates with me and I so want the spring to come.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling of grammar issues.
Additional Comments:
I had to look up the word 'callow' and I like it, thanks for a new word.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
Hi Angelica- House Florent B & W.
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of doing this review as it falls before my entry in the I Write: Twenty-three in 23 contest.
I have just read your short story "A New Invention" and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
Interesting wee story.
Characters:
Poppy an elf and an inventor.
Sly a goblin who is rather critical.
Setting:
Briefly described as Poppy's lab, though not much detail was given other than the invention was under a cloth.
Plot:
Poppy want Sly's opinion of her invention because she feels he will give her a more critical assessment of her invention.
She shows him what it does and then he tries it out.
Suggestions:
This is an awkward sentence for me: "Soon Aunt May came through the door and she ran up and hugged Aunt May." I think it would be more clear if you made it two sentences - the period after door.
Soon Aunt May arrived. Poppy was so excited she ran over to give her a hug.
The first paragraph also does not seem needed - you are telling. I would much rather jump in when Poppy starts to speak and if those details in the first paragraph are needed you can 'dribble them in' making for a stronger beginning.
You could start by saying: Poppy waited nervously just outside her lab for Sly to arrive. He was her biggest critic and she valued his opinion. If she could win him over she knew she had a chance.
Additional Comments:
Good luck in the contest.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
I'm 💙 Carly. I am reviewing your piece "That Chair There" as the review as sent to me and I accepted the request.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
First read through, I was impressed. You captured the child's voice so well in this poem. I felt I could do a good review for you. You tell a story within the poem that draws me in and holds me.
Form:
The poem is written in stanzas of four lines with an AABB rhyming pattern. The form is consistent throughout the piece.
Techniques:
Here is where I am not a poet able to discuss technique. All I can say is that what you have done works in a way that tells a tale that draws the reader in. I loved it.
Favourite Lines:
My favourite lines are these two verses:
"I laughed, “I will not, I will not be a chair.”
“Oh yes, yes you will, and I know it’s not fair,
But I don’t make rules, I don’t make them, you hear?”
And then, just like that, I saw her disappear.
I looked at the line, but I still could not see
How I’d be a chair, not a chair, no not me.
“I will cross that red line and I still will be free
I’ll step right across, now in 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ."
The story, the conflict, the choices are all right there...in a fun, but oh so scary childlike horror...
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar concerns.
Additional Comments:
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. You have crafted an excellent poem with a fine wee story to tell.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
I believe I know the answer to this, but since it is not going into a public review I will refrain from saying.... *bigsmle* And I mayb just have to go back and read the others to get in on the action.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your entry as it falls before mine in the I Write challenge. I have managed to get my last week done... trying to do this during NaNoWriMo is a challenge because I don't edit during November. This makes it hard to write for contests that need to be edited to be just right... but enough about me.
I love the challenge you have undertaken. I am no good at writing Limericks. I can appreciate them, but have a hard time writing one of my own. I believe your poem manages to follow the pattern of a limerick and be very good. No Nantucket in sight!
I found your word choices well done and the poem flows smoothly as a limerick should.
Is this a WDC challenge or are you challenging yourself? It really is a great idea.
I look forward to the next one.
May your next month be filled with all things magical and may your family be well behaved.... if you have to see them over the holidays.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your prose piece as it comes before mine in the I Write forum.
As I read this, I was thinking that we often miss so much of our real life because we are focused on the 'more' we are expected to strive for... and yes, we learn to want this 'more' when we are merely children.
It is not until we are older that be sit back and consider real life is the 'just being who we are in the moment'.
It's like waiting to be happy. We just need to decide we are happy and content in our place at that moment in time.
I really appreciated this time to think and consider this.
I also found the link to the song. I added it here because it would bring your writing full circle. Thanks so much for sharing you thoughts.
Hi AmyJo- only 2 steps behind -,
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it falls before mine in the I Write forum.
I found this poem quite funny. A great way to get kids not to come to your door and to get the candy for yourself.
I would be tempted to do this... particularly if the children are not being polite. But just knowing someone else has thought about this, makes me smile.
I'm 💙 Carly. I am doing this review as part of WDC 22th Birthday Celebration. I understand you are also celebrating a WdC Anniversary this month. 17 years. Wow that is impressive. I am only at 9 years.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
I am not sure about this one... I am thinking it is about a friendship that has blossomed between a prison inmate and someone on the outside.
I really like the title of this piece.
Form:
Second and fourth lines rhyme.
Three stanzas with rhyming in the 2nd and 4th lines of each verse.
Favourite Lines:
I like the 2nd stanza - "You saw the monster in me, But you didn't run away."
There is goodness there even within the darkness.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
I wouldn't bother repeating the title in the body of your text. It looks great up on the Title line only.
Additional Comments:
I would love the story behind this poem, but know that once the written the poem can take on a life of its own. Still, I wonder.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
It's 💙 Carly I am having fun doing the WdC Birthday Activity Challenge and one of the tasks is to review a Moderator or Sr. Moderator. So I went on a search of things to review with an eye out for one of those wonderful people that make WdC what it is... so unbelievably awesome!!!!
I have been part of this group since 2013. Active since the birthday celebration that year and I have been here ever since. It is my Online home.
I appreciate your Word To The Herd. I try to abide by those points you make. I appreciate 'thank you' as much as anyone else, so I make sure to get back to someone who has done something kind for me as soon as I can. With these birthday celebrations and school restarting I am a little slower than usual, but I try. Like you, I am only human.
I try to be my best self here at WdC. Giving my best self and hoping to get that in return. Most of the time, it is retuned.
I don't make promises I can't keep... and I try to give more than I receive. I suspect that might be why I am also a Blue Case.
I try to help others feel welcome here and remember my first 6 months of overwhelm before the Paper Doll Gang took me under their wing.... so I pay that forward as often as I can.
Thanks for reminding what's important. And also for being here making WdC such a fabulous place.
Welcome to Writing.com (WDC). I can see by your username that you must be a Sherlock Holmes fan. I admit to being a fan as well. I also enjoy the spin-offs of his work. Namely, Elementary (the series) and the movies with Martin Downy jr. and Jude Law. I also love the series with Benedict Cumberbatch as well.
But enough of that. I am here to welcome you and to read and review your prose piece regarding your thoughts on Elizabeth Gilbert's creativity perspective.
I tend to agree that there is a mystical component that comes with ideas finding you. My poetry tends to fall into my lap and I scramble to capture it. I like the idea that the ideas will move on if you don't work at them... but this stirs my creative soul.
I do agree with you about making art and needing to show up each day to work at it. Not showing up, even for 10 minutes a day sets me off... you put it much more eloquently.
"If I go one day without writing, the days feels off. If I go two days without writing, I feel off. And if I go three days without writing, the world seems off. "
I am part of the Ninja Writers and they meet every weekday morning at 9am to write on YouTube. They used to just do the 10 minute sprint at 10 am - and they still do, but they added an hour for those of us who want to write together longer. I like the energy of writing with others.
I am in the process of reading Big Magic again as I have the pleasure of seeing her when she comes to Toronto in April next year.
I also really like the story she tells about the idea that got away from her and went to Ann Patchett instead. I have read that book Gilbert mentions and it is fabulous. State of Wonder.
I do agree with you and like how you express that "Satisfaction in one's craft first and in their growth as an artist, taking joy not in people's opinion but in learning from the failings and enjoying the unique gift the artist has. That is the secret to harnessing creativity and dealing with the frustration of the process: to know it has been given to you, that every failure is merely a creative opportunity and life's best teacher for refining your talents, and that success is the aftermath of the human's natural desire to express."
But I will also admit that their is something mystical in the ideas that rise up for us... I am just so glad I can be part of this creative process that allows me to mold and shape an idea... and make it mine. Does that make sense? I hope so... I am dealing with a cold and my head is a little fuzzy.
I also get the feeling that although you are new to WDC, you are not new to writing. There is a strength to your words and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks. I needed to hear this today. I am feeling pretty gloomy and needed to hear some positive words. Thanks for sharing this and reminding me I am deserving... and so are you.
Thanks for your sparkle. It helped to brighten up my lagging one. I hope to pay it forward when I start to feel more myself and less stuck in a gooey mess that has me bogged down.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece as it fell before mine in the I Write forum.
I really felt this was a great piece. It got me thinking.....
My aunt and uncle went through the same arduous process when they adopted my two youngest cousins.... They already had 2 biological children.
I also feel for those children born and sent home with biological parents who I have heard talk about how much money you can get if you are on Welfare and have a kid. They have gotten pregnant for that reason.... not the brightest tools in the shed.
I can feel the anxiety for anyone taking home a new baby..... I don't have any of my own children, but I can say I am nervous even holding a newborn. I can't imagine being responsible for such a wee bundle of love.
Working in the school system, I see many children coming in to school from some pretty crazy family homes. I sometimes wonder if a family living course might not be a bad idea for teens. My friend took in her nephew to help him see what her family was like... and helped him navigate those adulting responsibilities his mother was not providing as she was feeling overwhelmed. Family helping family.
I'm not sure what to think.... I am still playing with the ideas. Making things mandatory seems over the top in terms of government involvement, but something would help to teach us all what is involved when it comes to raising kids.
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Though it did give me a wee laugh. The more I read it the more tantalizing it is. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
