I though I would look at your portfolio and I'm glad I did. You poem pierced my heart. It seems as I must stay within the Lords guiding all of the time lest I strike out on my own only to lose myself.
Great name. Your piece is interesting but without punctuation. ( insight on your feelings as you write) It seems that there is more to add to your piece, but maybe it was a short stop at the pub.
Great poem and subject. Your poem made me remember how in earlier years I new the art of thinking and wondering about those things I could only dream about. Thanks.
Your piece is a good start, but you have more to write. Read it out loud so you can hear what you write. Maybe when it's finished it will change the whole world.
High school can be a scary place. Looking back though I'm not sure why. After all it was the best time of my life! Make it the best time of your life if you can.
Never ending period, someday there will be an end, until then remember that punctuation is more than a period. How about using it to show your feelings. ,.;: '! and so on.
Your piece is a good subject to write on. I noticed that you took the time to share your idea of how we were meant to live our lives, but you neglected to let reader of your work know how you feel about what you are writing. I see the total lack of punctuation in your piece. How are we supposed to know how you really feel about what you are writing if you don't use good writing skills.
Your poem is thoughtful. Your poem seems more like a list. Your subject is a good subject too write about, but it looks like you really haven't given it much thought. When I write a poem I start out with a list simular to your piece, then I read it out loud and start to ad and subtract from it. Sometimes it takes several days of tweaking it before my piece is finished. Try reading your piece out loud and see if other ideas come to you, ideas you can add to the piece you are creating. This is only a suggestion, if your happy with your poem leave it alone, after all it's yours.
Your poem is thought provoking, and is a good subject. Funny how ones life can change when you have to look at your own mortality.
I could be wrong but It looks like you didn't proof read your piece. Your second stanza the last line looks like you mixed the words up somewhat. you probably meant "after this very day". The other thing I notice is the lack of punctuation. Punctuation helps the reader of your piece feel what you are feeling. You must let the reader know the intensity of your feelings.
I wish you well with your fight with cancer. Don't give up.
Your poem is a good start. As I read it though I wonder if you have read it out loud and really listened to how it sounds. I really should be re-written and added to. You should also try to obey the rules of writing as they are necessary to expressing your feelings to others.
Your piece seems to say that your life is a mess, if your talking about yourself. The piece seems to be a prose not a poem. There are only two stanzas and punctuation is non-existent. Your lines need balance, try keeping the syllables in each line consistent. use the tools of good writing to help express your message.
Good thought that applies to more than the flower. One thing though, the word weather is in regard to that atmosphere, the word you want is whether. or maybe not.
Your poem is very nice. It has a lot of good quallities. The sixth line you use the word fell, do you mean feel? It matters not the poem is on its way to being a good piece. I think you should refine it a bit as it could be better.
Keep writing.
Love is always a good subject. Some of your sentances seem disjointed. What do you mean by "truth remains despite the mark"? and "to seem like we don't care".
Sometimes we think a line, but when we read it out loud it seems different. I think you should read your piece out loud and listen to what it really sounds like.
Chuck
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