Good pickup point at the beginning with Linda being angry at Joan and revealing the reason afterward. What a crushing moment for Nathanial- I feel for him a bit. I'm assuming ch37 happens right after the scene with Linda when he finds out about the bullies and Nathanial. Michael and Joan hung out for a little bit before Tamara appeared with news about the school. The dance seemed to go smoothly until Joan ended up with a man who didn't seem to take no for an answer and then discovered her new ring to be magical. This gives a hint of magic and fantasy at work in this story.
Contents:
The scene flows smoothly from the previous and I find it believable chronologically so far.
Starts out with a frustrating scene about a situation that happened after the duel Seto won back in Michael's home. Seto learns about this situation. The scene at the dance where Joan experienced danger and how there is the subject of magic in the ring and how the ring responded when a specific person was interacted with.
Since this is just a part of the story and seems like not to the ending then I'll wait on the theme.
Micheal's home where Joan went to sometime after the dinner with her mother.
Joan is the main character in the story. Her relationship with the other men and her family shows equal importance. The two main men characters is the Kaiba brothers.
What I like:
The moment Rebecca apologized to Seto for hacking.
Suggestions:
"Joan and Michael lost themselves..." "...until Michael came. He pulled out and lunged for a roll of paper towels..." Ahh is there another Michael or did you mean someone else? Reading further it didn't speak about someone walking in on them. So I'm suspecting a fragment here- the sentence isn't complete. What did Michael come for? (ch38)
Debating if an introduction about where they're at is located before describing the dance, Joan's danger, and how the ring has magic in ch40. Still not sure if it'd be necessary or if it'd be okay as is. The jump seems like a little, brief introductory paragraph might improve my reading experience but just not certain.
No spelling or grammar errors found.
What I don't like:
Nathanial getting bullied at school. (Found out in beginning.)
Overall Opinion:
So far so good in fact. Gah, my longest review ever made too! A couple places I kept looking back too since I couldn't quite figure out exactly what kind of mistake it is but I'm sure it's an easy fix. I'm curious to see what will happen in Japan, I'm sure something will happen. Looking forward to next time and keep up the good work!
I got lots of novels and have started practicing beta reading other books... I'm just at the beginner level! Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!
Great job with this story. The process of becoming a writer is detailed nicely starting from the calling to write to actually becoming an author. This story makes an inspiration for others who might consider the answer to the calling to write. God works in mysterious ways. Keep up the good work!
Comments: The loss of a great scientist to be remembered in a poem. This contributes to spreading the word about how great he was and sparks interest in what he did with his life. It's sad to see someone great go.
What I like: How the poem captures his achievements in just a few words.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great poem! I think it captures what you miss about him the most and show signs of hope that others would rise to follow his footsteps too. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem is unique from the others as it focuses on the results of sin. Where wickedness will one day be. It's crushing for many but it's true. This is the direction everyone is headed. But forgiveness is our way out.
Contents: The wicked are heartless and cast out of the real world. As this happens light becomes darkness. Where they enter netherworld, watch out for evil twins.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good job! I consider this a darker kind of poem but you pulled it off well. That verse is very direct and to the point and the message that verse had came through in this poem. Keep up the good work!
Comments: I would love to mess around with the computer more in doing graphic designing too. Great watercolor to use is Windsor and Newton. (Sp the name since phone auto is finicky) Seems like about you and about me would match in a way. I need practice and a good program with most consistent writing being the month of November. Every word counts.
Content: "Who am I?" A Peron who loves gazing at the doves. Graphic Artist who uses watercolor. A poemist who writes daily. The more I do, the better I get.
Spelling/grammar: "And the mourning doves" Are you sure about this spelling or did you mean morning?
Overall Comments: Good poem! You describe what you like to do nicely and paint a picture. These are fun things to do. Keep up the good work!
Content: This one got me to thinking more as I imagine the red flowers resembling how reality is around us and the masks resembling what we use to try to blend in with the rest of society even though we're different.
Content: White masks lay in the garden of red flowers. The speaker loses the sense of importance in life and everything around gets in the way. Preparing for how things should be, others come along.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good poem. Visualizing white masks among red flowers and comparing it to life in reality is a tough thing to do. I think you pulled it off. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Lovely places picked, especially during the summertime when outside can be enjoyed day or night. Perfect use of the prompt. A beach would be a dream to go to.
Content: Where do I dream? A beach in Oregon where puffiness roam. What's another place? The East coast where I have not gone before. Which ocean? The East or the West. I pick East since beauty is plentiful.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good poem! I am thinking of West since it can be warmer there and East looks cold. Either way, I've never seen the ocean before (unless it was seen from a plane ride to California and I was too young to see through the window. Lol). These descriptions of it sounds great. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Franze is a new word for me but would fit Grumpy perfectly. This man might be just that since the Christians of the other boats are interfering with his mooning. Still would be scary to encounter a devil.
Contents: Devils' Moon River Express is a place to be mooned by a devil. A man keeps on mooning but the Christians of the other boats keep on praying. Their prayers keep interrupting his plans and he keeps being grumpy.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good job. Though it sounds like this man isn't going to get what he wants to get, apparently he's in the right spot for his plans. The express sounds like a scary place to be with devils lurking about. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This one is funny. Why in a pillow? I don't know the answer either. Hopefully, the billow doesn't get too tight around you.
Contents: The answer for the question "Why am I in a pillow?" soon draws attention to a billow wrapping around the speaker and the speaker still befuddled over the answer to the question.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good work. I have no clue what the answer will be but neither will I figure it out. Hopefully, the billow stays loose. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This captures a sacred moment in time. Not just one, but two! How much pain labor brought I have no clue, but the results are amazing enough. A memory captured in a poem is a nice way to go back year after year as the children grow up and be good to pass onto them when they're old enough.
Contents: First sign meant a call to the doctor and a trip to the hospital. After a waiting period, the labor started and the twins were born. The first one looked like mommy and the second one looked like daddy. A special bond had developed before their births.
Spelling/Grammar:That they recognized our voiced after delivery I think our voices after makes more sense here. Unless a recording of your voices was done and tested on them.
Overall Opinion: Good job! It's such a joyful moment to welcome children into our world so that they can learn to live under God's image. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem captures the feeling of the holidays coming nicely and how God is depended on by the family. The rhyming pattern in each stanza flows great with this poem. And, as with free form, anything goes. I saw the prompt down below and I think this poem captures it.
Contents: Will not need to face the world alone this holiday season because it's about friends and family coming together to praise God. As the holidays come decorations are put out. Then it wraps up with the ending of the holidays in being thankful to God for what He has done.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great job! I think the holidays and how important God is during these holidays is captured nicely. Pick one good thing and I'd say the whole thing is good. Keep up the good work!
Comments: The perspective of the poem told by a bird is unique. It's the hazel colored eye enabling the bird to see its surroundings and be able to interact with you. The flight through the air, tree, and window seems to be the bird's favorite places. The eyes sees everything.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great job with this poem. It describes what the bird sees through action very well. I enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work!
What a twist with the ending- the proposal to a wife to be a best friend instead of his wife. She must have been shocked about what he just did. I think there may be some passive areas to fix. Often was/is indicates passive. No grammar or spelling errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
Comments:
Joan brings Mokuba and Seto with her to meet her mother and they had dinner. Then they played a round of Monster of the Duel. Joan expressed her love for Mokuba. After that Joan comforted them and then they went over to a five-star restaurant to eat. Scenes flow smoothly from one transition to the next and are easy to follow. So far everything is consistent from the beginning of the story.
Spelling and Grammar:
" "Maybe this is all part of the lord's plan. " Missing " after plan. Ch21
" "I'm glad that's over. I was getting bored. " Missing " after bored. Ch21
" "If it doesn't work out, we can always get someone else. " Missing " after else. Ch25
Overall Opinions:
Great job with this story so far. Seems like Joan has a deeper relationship going with the two brothers. The changes in their character are interesting to read. Only a few punctuation mistakes found. Keep up the good work!
Comments: The short description is interesting and makes me want to read it all and find out if she learns of her past. First-person POV is interesting and possible to use effectively to tell the story. The girl seems like she never had any contact with others before until that boy came into her life. The event leaves questions like what will she do next and would there be anything exciting happen?
Suggestions: The new paragraphs could all have a space in between instead of them running together. If you were indenting then the indents don't show unless to enter {indent}.
Overall Opinion: Good work with this story. I enjoyed how she saved the boy from the semi-truck. I wonder if they'll meet again later on in the story and if her past will be discovered. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem gives a grip of uneasiness and not so pleasant feelings at first. It's like something bad happened and it stopped time in its track, even though time continues on.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great way to conjure up images of fallen hope. As in the fall is about to come and hit. Hearing a drum is usually fun but this isn't the case. Good job and keep up the good work!
Comments: Each poem expresses loss and depression until the last one where the sight of hope can be found. I think they show your feelings and struggle for addiction very well. The ability to express emotion can be a very difficult thing to do too. I noticed the style is consistent with each poem as I read each poem.
Spelling/Grammar: No grammar or spelling error found.
Overall Opinion: Great job with this collection. I think it's rare to keep all poems unique with a common theme for each of them and you did a great job here doing so. The feelings of struggling with addiction comes to life. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Seto decides to book Joan's time over the weekend. The demo tournament is very interesting. How the game is cast in the room with the players fighting to take down the enemy is different than normal. The technology is real. Then it moves closer in the day where she talked about her mother some more. Details are becoming more intense.
Suggestions: No suggestions at this time.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good job so far. The idea of Joan's job is coming to life more in this chapter. The demo tournament is my favorite. It's realistic and to the point. Keep up the good work!
Comments: It's fun to see how a child reacts to things and this is no different. This poem captures the view of a child nicely and how it ties to growing up. This is the kind of thing I can imagine a child looks forward too. Children do have a stress free, care free life as the poem says in the beginning.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great poem. I loved how it captures the spirit of a child and how they view the world. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Seems like the incident from the previous chapter messed up their plans. At least the dinner went well and she calmed down. The chapters flow smoothly from one scene to the next. I think the events line up neatly. Joan seems to run into one thing to the next.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar error found.
Overall Opinion: Good work so far. Seto faced the fine option quite well. I think the pace is just right with the reading. Keep up the good work!
Great job covering a topic some people might have questions about. This is how I sometimes organize my things as well. It does make it a lot easier. I like the example you gave. It makes a lot of sense as well. No spelling or grammar errors found. Keep up the good work!
Comments: It begins intense. The emotions shows well through the description. I think it is balanced. Then it moves forward to the clubbing incident and the escape to the hotel. The danger is shown as the scene escalated. The scenes comes together smoothly along with the transition from one chapter to the next.
What I like: Seto's speech in front of the audience.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar error found.
What I don't like: The club scene where it started to get nasty.
Overall Opinion: Great job with the story so far. It seems like Joan's night with Seto went well. Unfortunately later on ran into a big problem. No suggestions at this time for improvement. I think the emotions is conveyed well through the scene. Good job and keep up the good work!
Great job making it to the milestone of 1,000 reviews. That achievement I accomplished yesterday myself. We both have something to brag about. There are people out there that gives us wonderful reviews. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
It seems like this is a script. It begins with Casino passed out and the doctor checking on him. Then it continued on with the scene changing. Normally I don't review scripts but this seemed to read well with the events in place. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up with the good work!
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Good pickup point at the beginning with Linda being angry at Joan and revealing the reason afterward. What a crushing moment for Nathanial- I feel for him a bit. I'm assuming ch37 happens right after the scene with Linda when he finds out about the bullies and Nathanial. Michael and Joan hung out for a little bit before Tamara appeared with news about the school. The dance seemed to go smoothly until Joan ended up with a man who didn't seem to take no for an answer and then discovered her new ring to be magical. This gives a hint of magic and fantasy at work in this story.
The scene flows smoothly from the previous and I find it believable chronologically so far.
Starts out with a frustrating scene about a situation that happened after the duel Seto won back in Michael's home. Seto learns about this situation. The scene at the dance where Joan experienced danger and how there is the subject of magic in the ring and how the ring responded when a specific person was interacted with.
Since this is just a part of the story and seems like not to the ending then I'll wait on the theme. 
Micheal's home where Joan went to sometime after the dinner with her mother.
Joan is the main character in the story. Her relationship with the other men and her family shows equal importance. The two main men characters is the Kaiba brothers.
The moment Rebecca apologized to Seto for hacking.
"Joan and Michael lost themselves..." "...until Michael came. He pulled out and lunged for a roll of paper towels..." Ahh is there another Michael or did you mean someone else? Reading further it didn't speak about someone walking in on them. So I'm suspecting a fragment here- the sentence isn't complete. What did Michael come for? (ch38)
No spelling or grammar errors found.
So far so good in fact. Gah, my longest review ever made too! A couple places I kept looking back too since I couldn't quite figure out exactly what kind of mistake it is but I'm sure it's an easy fix. I'm curious to see what will happen in Japan, I'm sure something will happen. Looking forward to next time and keep up the good work!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!
