So came here just to rate the calendar. One rating is lonely. There is a solid mix of developing plot, characters, and setting. I like how it's organized with plot coming first then the characters giving tools to build a solid outline and world. Keep up the good job!
The question why flows through in the poem. Work does pile up every day. Something needs to be done. I think everyone has feelings that needs to be let out and writing is a good way to do that. This poem is captivating in asking questions and giving answers to why. No spelling or grammar error found. Keep up the good work!
I think this is a great way to motivate yourself and others to focus on being healthy. You can't do it alone, or else it's not that easy to do. Your goal is clear and easy to follow. Weight loss is a challenge for me because the scale goes up and down all the time. So far I lost 20 and need 100 to go. I may cheer you on as well as the others. Keep up the good work!
My first thought is of confusion when I first read "To my love you are evil" but then the further I read the more I understood why. This is a different approach to romance since it involves separation. The speaker still loves on despite being apart. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
The pandemic continues and the speaker goes from getting a face shield to riding on an airplane to Varanasi. She becomes claustrophobia at security check and looks at The Scream on her phone on the ride to Varanasi. There is special significance with The Scream. Good work with the story. Keep on writing!
"...even the dreaded “c” word!
Today, it happened during..." Return after word!
Hello! I see this poem in the perspective of a soldier who fought for freedom of their country and how they feel. It sounds a little lonely but with pride too. I love the choice of words painting a picture. I will say the effort is worth it to think about what is stood for. No spelling or grammar errors found. Keep up the good work!
Great job with this poem. It captures insight on the progress of the painter as he/she paints a picture. This picture reflects his skills and messages he wants to give. It's accurate to the process of painting a picture as I've painted before. Keep up the good work!
A dream began with a proposal, but Kailey started choking and passed out. Then she dreamed about burning the house down before waking up to find it being a dream within a dream. Then she met Quincy and this time she said yes without choking.
Contents:
The scene flows smoothly and the dream is recognized when Kailey wakes up.
Love is in the air but something happens in the dream.
In a bedroom until the very end.
Quincy and Kailey
What I like:
In reality she didn't choke when Quincy proposed.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Great job on this story. Dreams can be a bit weird and it shows through. In reality things happens different than the dreams. Keep up the great work!
The flow of this poem is soothing as rain falls down gently with the smell of rain filling the air. There is the enjoyment of playing in the mud and feeling warm in the house. There is consistent rhythm that fits perfectly. I enjoyed the imagery. Keep up the good work!
An old man lives without a purpose with loved ones lost. It seems like he felt sad and lonely until he died. It's sad no one mourned for him. I noticed there is a rhyming structure in the poem and it worked out good. Great job and keep up the good work!
This is about Frozen from the movie, her elegance and beauty. Great details captured, I can picture her in my mind. I've seen the movie so I know what she looks like. Her skills are also captured nicely too.
Contents:
This poem has rhyming at the end in a pattern I noticed. ABAB
Feelings of awe and inspiration is in the air.
Speaker refers to Frozen and Elsa from the movie.
What I like:
"Like magic you appeared."
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Great work with this poem. I can feel the inspiration and awe about watching Frozen (character). It's chilly and refreshing. Keep up the good work!
Dylan is having a rough time with his marriage and fell in love with Sophia when he went to do a party gig. Sophia had a husband. The two went along with their lives until one day Dylan saved Sophia from a car. Then it turned out Sophia was getting a divorce and could be with him. Happy ending.
What I like:
They ended up married to each other and Sophia's son was enjoying it.
Suggestions:
No spelling and grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good work in showing their feelings through the things they did. It turned out to be in Dylan's favor. I think this is well written. Keep up the good work!
Andreas waits to have his newborn in the world. This would normally be a joyful moment, only no emotion can be shown. They go through the ceremony and he has the child.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good details and I get the feeling everything had to be done emotionless. There is the sacrifice of bringing new life into the world. I could see vampires doing this at that time period. Keep on writing!
The ring adds a mystery to the story as it got activated. The pulses can be dangerous as it distracted the men from their enjoyment. I wonder what kind of magic the ring possesses and what it is meant to do. The search for the answer just gives good suspense.
Contents:
The story continues to be consistent as the characters learn more about the ring.
Curiousity and urgency gets involved as they search for the answers about the ring.
In the city where Seto and Mokuba works.
The characters continue to be themselves and are consistent.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good job and describing the effect of the ring (gemstones) and what the ring did. I hope that the hologram works its magic in keeping things under control. Keep up the good work!
Jane seems to have ignored the warning signs from the very beginning when Stan mistook her for Vicki. She stands for her feelings and doesn't let anything move her.
Contents:
The plot is consistent as Jane reaches her peak and then her downfall.
Love is in the air until Vicki broke the news.
Vicki was head and tails over Stan but her friends knew better.
Suggestions:
No spelling and grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
This chapter shows the highlight and downfall of Jane's feelings toward Stan as she gets involved in a relationship with him. I wonder what will happen next after the relationship is broken. Keep up the good work!
The night is cool, but every soft touch brings warmth. The romance is well thought out and consistently shown through the details. I noticed there is rhyming involved as well. The lovers stand beneath the Brooklyn Bridge.
Contents:
The feeling of warmth flows through the love the character feels despite the cool night.
The character is focused on the person he loves and thinking in the moment.
What I like:
"A perfect night, a night of bliss,"
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good job. The writing shows the perspective of the lover and how he felt being with his other underneath the Brooklin Bridge. Keep up the good work!
I like how Carole sticks to her dream of eating continuously, even if it meant getting into trouble with her work. Just wishing upon a star made a difference in bringing her dream to reality. The entire story is very short and to the point.
Contents:
Carole sticks to her dream of eating continuously. It is consistent throughout the story as her dream becomes a reality.
Carole is tired of her everyday life and longs to have her dream being made into a reality. She gets excited when her dreams becomes a reality.
Follow your heart and passion and not give up.
This takes place in a town from Carole's work, to her drive home, and then the food court and cake shop. The setting is consistent.
Carole is driven by her dream of eating continuously with a passion. She has one goal in mind.
What I like:
Carole's dream becomes a reality when she becomes the blobwoman.
Suggestions:
Maybe add the scene of Carole taking half the donuts before chapter 1 to add suspense.
Add more emotion in some areas, like showing eagerness to eat more.
Chapter 1: "'Don't you give me your old sweet talk trick'" needs a comma at end
Chapter 1: "'...I'll achieve my dream in one way or another'" add a . in end
Chapter 1: "'I wish there was someway...'" somehow (unless it's a word in British English too)
Chapter 1: "'...that I could just eat all the time'" needs . at end
Chapter 2: "'...I should've known it was only a fantasy'" needs . at end
Chapter 3: "'...This is amazing!!!', 'I'm becoming Carole 2.0'" remove the comma between amazing and I'm and put comma after 2.0
Chapter 4: "'...That's so cool'" add . or ! after cool
Chapter 5: "'... as I’ve not been here a while'" add . after while
Chapter 5: "'...what you’ve given me master'" add , after master
Chapter 6: "'...that massive behind I’d developed'" add , after developed
Chapter 6: "'... worth it “Thank you master for everything that you’ve given me'" add . after it and me
Chapter 6: "'...whatever I want like this'" add . after this
Chapter 6: "'... that there’s a new girl in town.... add " after town
Overall Opinion:
This story shows a lot of potential. Instead of being the point of view of a villain, Carole is the main character and society being against her instead. I think more emotional details could really make her stand out. Great work!
A puppeteer fell in love with the president and then a pandemic struck the country with jeopardized the president's marriage. I think this story is well thought out and had a happy ending in the end. The twist, in the end, was pulled off really well.
Contents:
Victoria works with puppets and stood up for the president no matter what happened. The views and scenes flowed smoothly from one transaction to another.
There was love in the air for Victoria and, when she pushed that aside, it turned out the president loved her too.
When the pandemic struck, love stood all the way through.
What I like:
Victoria became a First Lady in the end.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
The story turned out to be interesting and the obstacles that occurred when the pandemic struck were clear. Victoria is a good character who ended up having her dreams come true. Good job!
The feel of magicians and ghosts communicating to each other is consistent through the various forms of poems grouped into one poem. I like the mystery it shows as the tarot cards seem to have an important influence on the speaker.
Contents:
Made of different poems and sayings and consistent with the voice.
An eerie feeling as the description could represent a witch or a ghost, depending on the speaker.
What I like: The clever use of words written backwards before forwards at one point like a tarot card reading.
"The past is a phantom/ the future a siren..."
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Nice job with this poem. The use of different poems and saying is well done. The mystery of the tarot cards is intriguing. There is a lot to be explored.
Good pickup point at the beginning with Linda being angry at Joan and revealing the reason afterward. What a crushing moment for Nathanial- I feel for him a bit. I'm assuming ch37 happens right after the scene with Linda when he finds out about the bullies and Nathanial. Michael and Joan hung out for a little bit before Tamara appeared with news about the school. The dance seemed to go smoothly until Joan ended up with a man who didn't seem to take no for an answer and then discovered her new ring to be magical. This gives a hint of magic and fantasy at work in this story.
Contents:
The scene flows smoothly from the previous and I find it believable chronologically so far.
Starts out with a frustrating scene about a situation that happened after the duel Seto won back in Michael's home. Seto learns about this situation. The scene at the dance where Joan experienced danger and how there is the subject of magic in the ring and how the ring responded when a specific person was interacted with.
Since this is just a part of the story and seems like not to the ending then I'll wait on the theme.
Micheal's home where Joan went to sometime after the dinner with her mother.
Joan is the main character in the story. Her relationship with the other men and her family shows equal importance. The two main men characters is the Kaiba brothers.
What I like:
The moment Rebecca apologized to Seto for hacking.
Suggestions:
"Joan and Michael lost themselves..." "...until Michael came. He pulled out and lunged for a roll of paper towels..." Ahh is there another Michael or did you mean someone else? Reading further it didn't speak about someone walking in on them. So I'm suspecting a fragment here- the sentence isn't complete. What did Michael come for? (ch38)
Debating if an introduction about where they're at is located before describing the dance, Joan's danger, and how the ring has magic in ch40. Still not sure if it'd be necessary or if it'd be okay as is. The jump seems like a little, brief introductory paragraph might improve my reading experience but just not certain.
No spelling or grammar errors found.
What I don't like:
Nathanial getting bullied at school. (Found out in beginning.)
Overall Opinion:
So far so good in fact. Gah, my longest review ever made too! A couple places I kept looking back too since I couldn't quite figure out exactly what kind of mistake it is but I'm sure it's an easy fix. I'm curious to see what will happen in Japan, I'm sure something will happen. Looking forward to next time and keep up the good work!
I got lots of novels and have started practicing beta reading other books... I'm just at the beginner level! Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!
Comments: Kayla does seem to be a fangirl set on winning Seto's heart, but she failed. The duel adds to the storyline as Joan continues to work for the two brothers. Then there's her luck into getting pregnant as she got the IUD removed. I wonder what Linda needs to talk about and how that will affect Joan's relationship with Micheal. Cliffhanger pulled off very well!
What I like: The duel and Seto's chances of winning despite the match being a hacked game. He pulled out a winning move in the end.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good job! Now the story continues with a conflict between Kayla and Seto. Fortunately for Joan, Kayla didn't get what she wanted. Now there's a deeper relationship yet developed. I wonder what Micheal has to deal with next. Keep up the good work!
Great job with this story. The process of becoming a writer is detailed nicely starting from the calling to write to actually becoming an author. This story makes an inspiration for others who might consider the answer to the calling to write. God works in mysterious ways. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem is unique from the others as it focuses on the results of sin. Where wickedness will one day be. It's crushing for many but it's true. This is the direction everyone is headed. But forgiveness is our way out.
Contents: The wicked are heartless and cast out of the real world. As this happens light becomes darkness. Where they enter netherworld, watch out for evil twins.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good job! I consider this a darker kind of poem but you pulled it off well. That verse is very direct and to the point and the message that verse had came through in this poem. Keep up the good work!
Comments: I would love to mess around with the computer more in doing graphic designing too. Great watercolor to use is Windsor and Newton. (Sp the name since phone auto is finicky) Seems like about you and about me would match in a way. I need practice and a good program with most consistent writing being the month of November. Every word counts.
Content: "Who am I?" A Peron who loves gazing at the doves. Graphic Artist who uses watercolor. A poemist who writes daily. The more I do, the better I get.
Spelling/grammar: "And the mourning doves" Are you sure about this spelling or did you mean morning?
Overall Comments: Good poem! You describe what you like to do nicely and paint a picture. These are fun things to do. Keep up the good work!
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A dream began with a proposal, but Kailey started choking and passed out. Then she dreamed about burning the house down before waking up to find it being a dream within a dream. Then she met Quincy and this time she said yes without choking.
The scene flows smoothly and the dream is recognized when Kailey wakes up.
Love is in the air but something happens in the dream.
In a bedroom until the very end.
Quincy and Kailey
In reality she didn't choke when Quincy proposed.
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Great job on this story. Dreams can be a bit weird and it shows through. In reality things happens different than the dreams. Keep up the great work!
Follow your heart and passion and not give up.
Maybe add the scene of Carole taking half the donuts before chapter 1 to add suspense.
Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!