This is a strong well written poem.
I like your metaphor, comparing
the river with your writing.
You speak so clearly and with such
authority about the river. You must
have a wonderful connection with it.
For all of its moods and activity,
it is certain that it will "never
find an end." I hope you'll go on
to write more poetry. You've got real
ability. I look forward to seeing
your next installment.
A belated welcome to Writing. Com.
I hope you're enjoying the forum.
I'm going to visit your portfolio
one evening soon. In the meantime,
enjoy your weekend. Keep on writing !
Warmest best, Gabriella
I love this poem. And I am crazy about being a mother.
I feel the way you do about raising your angels. My daughter is beyond wonderful. She's amazing. Full of
fun, spunk and enthusiasm. Being a mom is my proudest accomplishment and the most wonderful piece of my
life. She adds value to everything I do. I know how it is to work during the day and attempt to be a great mom at night. Clearly, you're doing a terrific job. Time passes so quickly, hard as that is to believe right
now . Your kids will be all grown up and doing well before you know it :) Best of luck to you. Your poetry
is a delight to read. Keep on writing !
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a powerful small poem
that lays out a life consumed
with addiction in simple
heart wrenching terms. I admire
the straight talk and the raw fact
of your situation. Thank you
for sharing your experience. It's
a profound reminder to kids
who are experimenting. I hope
you're getting some help and
able to sleep some these nights.
Best of luck with your sobriety,
your poem and your writing. I hope
you'll continue on to write lots
more. You have real potential.
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is an interesting Haiku.
It's not nature-based like
the traditional Haiku, but
quite powerful and well done.
Bravo, Kole ! Thank you for sharing
this Haiku. They are fun
to write, aren't they. Best
of luck with your poem and
poetry. I hope you'll
continue on to write lots more.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem.
It's complex and interesting. It has
tremendous potential. If you are willing
to make a few changes, you can position
yourself for the best possible ratings.
I'll offer a few suggestions. You decide
whether they are useful:
1)Instead of "since there was an earth"
how about since the world began.
2) Change seeing all and hearing all to
seeing and hearing everything that comes to pass;
3)Change Its to it's in the 7th line;
4) Remove "longed" and change "bare" to bear
in the 8th line;
5) Change "tho" to though in the 15th line;
6) Change "thats" to that's in the 16th line;
7) Remove "that" from the last line.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. You
talk to your grandfather about a vision you had, but
what you describe earlier in your poem isn't a vision.
Perhaps you can think how to add more to your experience with the wind if you want to show the wind speaking to you in some way that is compelling. It would give the poem a bit more substance. You decide
what makes the most sense.
Best of luck with your poem. Thanks for sharing
it. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A beautiful small poem; it could
light up the gloomiest of days.
I'm so impressed with all you do
and give to Writing.Com. Your
portfolio is full of challenges
and hard work, all contributed to
add to the fun and wealth of
opportunity for all on Writing.Com.
Happy to have another chance to
visit your portfolio.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Chantelle, It's easy to see you had fun writing these lyrics. This pieces looks like it might make a good song. Have you ever written a song ? There are a couple of wonderful workshops here to learn about structuring poetry. You might enjoy learning more. You are on the right track, Chantelle. You have real potential. I hope you'll write more.
I have one suggestion. You decide if you think it's useful. The substance of your poem/lyrics could use a boost. When you think about the tremendous gap you'd leave if you were gone, I bet you could find a
few things about you that your special friend would
miss. Your lyrics say little about who you are, what is unique about you, no special memories or things you love to do. I bet you could build your lyrics a bit so you'd experience the poem as more meaningful. See if you agree.
Thank you for sharing your work, Chantelle. Best of luck with your lyrics and your writing. Looking forward
to seeing more of your work,
Joe, I admire the person who can
say "I'm sorry" most especially
someone who isn't afraid to
share his or her disappointment at
having created pain. You've got
the ability to not only apologize
but do it in style. You're a classy guy
and a good person. The poem is
sweet, soulful and astute. You
make a persuasive case for yourself.
What woman wouldn't love a man
to write such an affection loving
poem or story. This is a great
forum. Good luck with your writing,
This is a clever sweet poem.
I loved reading it and
enjoyed your choice of words
and the fun way you
put this poem together.
A couple of suggestions
you can think about:
1) You use punctuation
here and there but not
consistently. I suggest
going through the poem
and adding periods where
you end sentences;
2) Change "you" to
your in the 10th line
3) Change "Of" to On
in your 14th line
Otherwise the poem is
great ! Thanks so much
for sharing it. It's lots
of fun. Best of luck
with it and your writing,
Brittany, this is a beautiful poem, very well
written and wonderfully expressive. I loved
reading it, it's a lovely tribute to your
mother. The beacon in this poem is your
ability and potential. I hope you'll continue
on to write lots more.
I have one suggestion. You'll decide whether it's
helpful. You begin your poem with observations
about your mother's passing. Then you shift into
speaking to her directly. It's an abrupt shift,
one that you might think of repairing. It's up to you. It would be easy to make the changes without having to rewrite your poem. Otherwise, it's a glorious poem, Brittany. I hope you're enjoying Writing.Com as much as I am. Sing out if you need a little help at any point. Best of luck with this poem and your writing,
Gabriella
A beautiful poem.
I enjoyed every word.
How is it you came
across my portfolio ?
Thank you for your kind review;
I appreciate your visit.
This poem sings, it's
so lovely. I live in the
country where there is no need for
curtains on my windows.
There is nothing but trees
and the river around me...
Your poem speaks to me.
Thanks so much for sharing it.
All the best, Gabriella
Kelley-Ann, This is a lovely poem--the very best of the poems you've posted. It is thoughtful and loving.
Clearly, you worked hard on this. I like that you speak from the heart so easily. Keep on writing. This is a great forum with some excellent resources for new writers. I hope you receive some wonderfully useful
feedback to help you develop your poetry. I know you'll
do well. Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a fine poem about the juvenile justice
system. It's a wonderful choice of topic.
Your impressions are right on the money,
expressing fear, sadness and hopelessness
so well. If you're interested in gaining
the most positive feedback, I suggest including
punctuation. You use commas here and there,
but not consistently. And, there is an
absence of periods :) Something to think about.
Otherwise, the poem is good. I hope you
do well with it. Looking forward to
reading more of your work, I send
warmest best, Gabriella
This is a touching poem about the surfacing of a very special relationship. I have a few suggestions for you. You'll decide if they seem useful:
1) Your punctuation could use a tiny bit
of work;
2) I suggest returning the few words
you have written in capital letters, back
to upper and lower case.
3) I suggest removing "just" from the fourth
sentence.
Otherwise the poem looks good. Bravo !
I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a clearly articulated poem, one that communicates your anguish and predicament well. I like your style. EE Cummings, a favorite poets earlier in my life, rarely used capital letters or punctuation. Sometimes that makes sense. It might here. Though, it's always worth thinking about. I completely understand if you decide to leave the poem the way it is.
A couple of small suggestions:
1) dont should be don't (the correct word is doesn't)
2) did you mean confided or confined ?
3) interminable should be interminably
4) wont should be won't
Otherwise, the poem is great. You did a good job with
this. I hope you receive lots of positive feedback.
You have real potential. I hope you'll continue on to
write more.
Hannah: I love your message. Being true to oneself can
be challenging at times. While the pressure to conform
is very often much too easy. You've written about this with sensitivity and authority. It's clearly a topic
you've thought about. I have a few small suggestions
for cleaning up your poem. You decide if they're useful:
1) your should be you're in the third line;
2) I suggest eliminating "And" from
the beginning of the 7th and 8th lines;
3) The last line seems a bit awkward, what do you
think ?
7) A couple of the lines still need commas
to complete the job of applying proper punctuation.
Take a look. This is up to you.
I'd like to see your poem get the best possible
reviews and ratings. You and your poem are clearly
worth the effort. You have tremendous potential.
I look forward to seeing more of your work :)
Phil, this is a well written poem
with a noble message. I like the
idea of thanking our soldiers.
You're right, we don't acknowledge
them in passing the way we should.
Have you thought about adding
punctuation ? It's a personal decision,
one that I feel may polish your poem to
perfection.
This poem is a fine piece of
writing. I hope you'll go on to
write lots more. You have real
ability. Thank you so much for
sharing this poem with us.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.Com
as much as I am. This is an
excellent place for your work and
for feedback and support.
Best of luck with his poem and
your work. Gabriella
This is a fine poem. I thoroughly
enjoyed reading every word ! Your
format is interesting and your
message, uniquely diverse and powerful.
I hope you'll continue on to write
much more. You have tremdendous
ability and potential. Thanks so much
for sharing your poem.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This poem is drenched with sadness and anguish.
You've done a wonderful job, turning your
sadness and frustration into this lovely melancholy poem. Your message is simply stated and clear,
and your poem is nicely formatted.
I think you have real potential; I hope
you'll continue on to write more. I have a
couple of small suggestions for your poem. You'll
decide if they are useful:
1) You consistently use capital letters to
begin each sentence with the exception of
the 1st and 5th stanzas.
2) Be consistent with your punctuation.
Decide how you want to add punctuation at
the end of each line, and stick to that
method.
Otherwise the poem is great. I thoroughly
enjoyed it :) Looking forward to seeing
more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is a wonderful poem.
You write very well. I read
your poem over a few times.
It's nicely put together. And,
your message makes for great reading.
I can't imagine suggesting
changes. However, I wondered
if you've thought about
punctuation ? If you were to
go back and place commas and
periods where they belong, you'd
probably give your poem a bit
of a boost. Punctuation helps us
know where your thoughts begin
and end. Other than making a few
adjustments, this is great ! Thank
you so much for sharing your work.
Best of luck with this poem
and your writing. Gabriella
This is an unusual poem.
Its depth and your potential to
become a fine writer are important
contributing factors. The message is
dark and deeply troubling.
Sad too. It's wonderful to see
that you have real ability.
It will mean a lot to your potential
to have a friend or someone here check
your work for spelling and typ-os
so as to ensure you'll get the
best possible feedback and ratings.
I have a few suggestions. You'll
decide if they are helpful:
1)In your second line, "your"
should be you're. I suggest removing
the word "always" from that line.
2) Suggest you remove "real hard" and
add "to" after "back" so it reads back to
3) In the 10th line, "thats"
should be that's.
4) In the 13th line, place a
comma after "soul"
5) In the 16th line, change "i"
to I
You're doing great ! I hope you'll
go on to write lots more. I look
forward to seeing your progress.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This poem is as beautiful an apology as
I've ever seen. Your description of
living under a dark cloud is so
simply and clearly stated
using your strong articulate poet's voice.
Friendship means everything during tough
times, doesn't it. Your devotion to
your friend is beautiful.
Your talent is the beacon that gives
your poem life and vitality. Writing is
your gift. I hope you'll make
the most of it. I hope you've discovered
that W.Com is a great match
with your ability and potential.
There is much you can do to push
forward here.
I look forward to seeing more of
your work, and I wish you the best.
Hope you're feeling better. You and
your poetry deserve all the
best. All the best, Gabriella s
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is a beautiful sentimental poem.
It's a delight to read and such a
wonderful tribute to your wife. What
woman alive wouldn't love to romanced
by a man with a great poet's eye !
You're a talented writer and a romantic too.
I look forward to making a return visit
to your portfolio to read more.
In the meantime, thank you for sharing
this wonderful poem.
A warm welcome to Writing.Com. Hope you're
enjoying the forum as
much as I am. Sing out if you need
anything while you're getting settled.
Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
It's been so thrilling to read some
of your poetry. I'll come back and
read more another time. It's fun
knowing there are more treasures
here than I can tackle in one visit.
This time, I found a handful of
gorgeous poems. Below, you'll find
the list of the poetry I chose to
read. I am just dazzled by your abilities.
I didn't read a single poem I thought needed an
ounce of work. All were articulate,
and beautifully formatted. Your
poems are consistently intelligent--each one
as memorable and beautiful to
read as the one before. Thank you
for sharing your work. I loved this
visit.
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My favorites:
Bereft
Missing You
Haiku
February Tulips
Here and Now
Awaiting the Fall
This is beautiful ! I have long awaited this chance
to take a closer look at your portfolio. So, here I am, making my way through this amazing collection of illustrations, photos and very fine writing. I sit here, in awe of your magnificent talent and your
million and one accomplishments ! You're so good at everything you do. I'm not sure how you manage, but you do :) Warmest best to a very special mom, writer, illustrator and magnificent booster of up-and-coming writers on W.Com.
Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gabriellar45/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 5:00am on May 03, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
