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1
1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Tina:
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I think this is my last review for tonight before the clock strikes midnight. And I better hurry or else I could lose my slippers like Cinderella, right?

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
It seems to me this exercise does not qualify under the Short Story format. It sounds more like a Feature article describing in intricate detail how the Daylily came into being.

With that said, let me get to the elements of a Short Story right of the bat since you presented this as such.

A Short Story must have these parts to be considered one: Theme (plot); Setting (where); Characters (Who is your protagonist/antagonist - show conflict); Point of View (POV); Climax and Resolution. Simply, a short story needs a beginning, middle, and end.

*Content
You do have a way with descriptive words which I like. There is more poetry I can hear from reading the awakening of Lilly. It makes me appreciate nature's way of cuddling God's creation which he delicately and craftily designed.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and the nitty-gritty in writing rules go, here is a snippet I cut and pasted you might consider tweaking for clarity and readability in the choice of words:

beckoning it to keep pushing [onward.][upward][Would upward fit better?][Just a thought.]

Spelling saught [sought][spelling typo][I see you spelled this word correctly the second time you used it, which is in the second to the last paragraph of this exercise.
"...hummingbirds all sought to [lite][light] upon her petals."

Reading this brings back memories of my Elementary Grade years when I memorized the poem, "The Tree," written by Joyce Kilmer. It goes like this:
"I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks to God all day,
And lift its leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of ribbons in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree."


Isn't this lovely? Hey, it just dawned on me. Here's an idea: Revise this work. Format it into a poem. I bet you would come up with one as lovely as the above.

*Dialogue
This feature is also an integral element in a Short Story. It brings life and action to break the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You have the potential in taking your writing talent to its peak, Tina. Keep plugging along. Read more from authors whose genre you have special interest in. You will propel in your goals as an author. You can do it.

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2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, jonblair:
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Here I am, still working on reading and reviewing on behalf of WDC SuperPower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. To be perfectly honest with you, I would have stopped reading but I persevered because we are in this to help each other make our material enjoyable to read.

In light of that, let me share what I learned from published authors that will help us improve our work as well. They say setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn-off. I agree with that. As such, we need to be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read our work.

For purposes of our submissions, we don't have to follow standard rules in formatting in to- to, as we're not into publishing yet; but, for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few helpful rules we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*A paragraph can be a mere sentence or two
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line. (Some published writers suggest double spacing between paragraphs.)

*Content
I like the content of your exposition. Indeed, keeping a journal is helpful in making our experiences and interactions with love ones and friends alive and readily accessible when we feel the need or drive to recollect those bygone days.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of writing rules go, I see run-on sentences and missing and misplaced commas, which can be easily fixed.

*Dialogue
On your next exercise, try employing dialogue. It makes a big difference when the reader hears your characters engaged in a conversation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the content of your manuscript. All it needs is applying paragraphing to enhance clarity and readability. It's an area you need to work on if you're inclined to pursue an interest in recording experiences and events in your life that are too important to be erased.

With that perspective, I say, write on! Pursue what you started doing. You'll be pleased to look back and see the footprints of your journey.

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3
3
Review of SNOW  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Richard:
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It's the second day of WDC SuperPower Reviewer's Raid for April. I'm still here working away until today's clock strikes midnight.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Personality profile writing involves a well-developed narrative style of which this article qualifies, using the snow as a person.

*Content
I like the way you described in graphic detail what the snow is all about. Albeit, I am not sure if this exercise qualifies as a Short Story as written. It reads to me as character building of what a snow is. It describes the snow's personality and its effect on the surroundings and people around. In this instance, its engagement with a pilot and his aircraft. I see great visualization in your thinking process. Indeed, it can develop into a story when applied as a scene so elemental in its development.

I love this dramatic ending you articulated, "Snow wasn't a dream. Snow was a murderous nightmare, claiming the pilot quietly, burying him and his plane in a white grave that wouldn't reveal itself until Spring." That's powerful!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, nothing made me pause nor create a wrinkled brow all throughout the narrative.

*Dialogue
True to form and contest rule, this exercise qualified for a No Dialogue Contest format.

*Disclaimer
My observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to accept or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You have done an awesome work in personality profiling with the snow personified. And as I pointed out in the outset, I love your powerful, succinct and dramatic ending, "Snow wasn't a dream. Snow was a murderous nightmare, claiming the pilot quietly, burying him and his plane in a white grave that wouldn't reveal itself until Spring."

Write away, Richard. You're a talented wordsmith. (I do want to take half a point from a 5-Star rating for the reason I stated in the Content. I hope you don't mind.)

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4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Life's a Beach:
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Here we are raiding ports on behalf of WDC Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
How unfortunate one's life is when there is no support whatsoever to run to. Such is the life of this poor young woman. She carries all her burdens and sufferings, physical, mental, social and psychological all by herself. Thank goodness for a kind-hearted, albeit, overworked nurse, who found it in her heart to empathize with her and sacrificed her own family just so she can attend to the needs of this woman in labor pains, with a baby who is clinging to her, to boot! How horrific!

Whatever this woman is going through, whether it's her own making and there's nobody else to blame but herself, it's still incumbent upon humanity to lend a helping hand and extend a safety net for her to land. We are all vulnerable. The pendulum may turn the other way without us ever having a fair warning. What we give we do not expect a payback; but, we do receive back in manifold ways. Kindness is life's gift that keeps on giving.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, here's sharing with you what I learned on how or when to use abbreviations:

DCF (Department of Children and Families) [Use of Abbreviations]

Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.

[But then, there is the even bigger puzzle? Why God let that woman, that funny, curvy woman, with the sweet ever-so-soft voice, choose me as her husband?] [I don't understand what this means.]

Honestly, the last three paragraphs are bewildering to my simple mind. You see, I understood you, the narrator, to arrive at the ER - a woman writhe in pain; then, towards the end of the story, the kind and helpful female nurse became your wife?
"But then, there is the even bigger puzzle? Why God let that woman, that funny, curvy woman, with the sweet ever-so-soft voice, choose me as her husband?"

I cannot see the logic to the ending. There is a sudden switch in Point of View that's mystifying to me. I cannot wrap it around my simple mind. You might take a second look at this to see if there is some way you can tweak it for clarity and readability. Caveat: If I'm the only reader having difficulty with this scenario, you can ignore it. But, if there are two or more having the same or similar difficulty, then, try to revise it.


*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It's a good tool in breaking the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away.


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5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Life's a Beach:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
The media have lost their way. They abandoned their ethical pledge to be fair, balanced, and factual in their reporting. It's a shame to think that once we trust them to feed us with unbiased coverage of events affecting us and our way of life. Because of the political agenda and the money they gain from interest groups, they have lost their credibility all together.

Your suggestion is well-taken. If we can turn the tide somehow, it's incumbent upon us to cajole them to change the course.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, the one thing that made me pause was your use of ellipsis in the snippet I cut and pasted for you to take a second look.

But… [Uses of ellipsis. For what it's worth, I want to share with you what I learned about the uses of ellipsis.]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I totally agree with your premise and proposition. I am inclined to write a letter to the Marketing Directors of big companies. Hopefully, we can make an impact in changing the behavior and manner of gathering news suitable for public consumption.

Keep writing, Life's a Beach. Let's make a difference!

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6
6
Review of Cheese Puffs  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, StephBee:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
What a delightful and cute short story to celebrate Valentine's Day. Indeed, Cupid was busy concocting situations to enable a lonely gal to hook up with her bachelor neighbor, Andrew. The matchmaking turned out well. Thanks to Mr. Edison, who made Valentine's celebration special. And the cheese puffs did the trick!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, I can see you're a skillful and talented writer. I cannot find any skirmish or violations that would make me pause or cause my brows to raise. This is the kind of writing I prefer to read.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other is masterful. I, as a reader, is inside the head of Angie. I identify with Angie: her frustrations, her anticipations, her ecstasies, and every emotion that comes with our female counterpart. I am all there sucking it in.

*Over-all take away
This short love story is a page-turner. I love the subtle twists and turns and the conspiracy in matchmaking that lead to a happy ending.

Write away, StephBee. You're a masterful love storyteller.

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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Crow:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
Indeed there is so much which the human mind cannot fathom as to the deep meaning of our existence, juxtaposed with our relation to our fellow being, the universe at large, and the Supreme Creator of what was, what is, and what will be.

A Scriptural answer to the question, "When will the mystery of life be revealed?" I can offer, can be found in ICor 13:9, "For now we know in part, and we prophesy in part." Skipping to verse 13:12, it further explains, "Now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face; now I know in part; but then I know even as also I am known."

We can surely await the unveiling of the mystery according to God's plan and purpose; but, for now, we can rest our hope and assurance in his promises.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty of writing go, here's a snippet I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability pursuant to fundamental principles of formal American Standard rules:

As one who continues to love the haunting would [of][have] enduring mysteries, I can become just a tad obsessed when they refuse to give up their secrets.["Would of..." is provincialism. It may be acceptable in dialogue but frowned upon in narrative form.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre, although, it could add a spice or a sparkle when applied to break the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like your good exposition of your point of view. Informative. This is an eye-opener worth reading and contemplating.

Write away, Crow. It's great to know deep thinkers like you.
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8
8
Review of GPS review  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hyperiongate:
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I am participating in the WDC Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April and I picked your submission to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done for this genre.

*Content
Believe it or not, GPS is heaven-sent for me. I don't want to go back to the time when I have to grope over a Triple-A TripTik map to find my way. It is the best invention ever since sliced bread! Indeed it is worth the money we spend to have one handy as we venture out into the highways and byways unfamiliar to us.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, I do not see much because this is a short exposition. I do have a snippet I cut and pasted to point out to you that may help improve your output:

I need copies....it tells me where to go...I want steak....it tells me where to go.[See Uses of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.


*Dialogue
Not necessarily applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You explained yourself well in this exposition. It is easy to follow and digest. Keep up with your writing endeavors. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.


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9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,Crow:

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Here we are doing our WDC Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Good exposition. Well done.

*Content
This is good advice for the wanna-be published writer. We need all the help we can get to reach our ultimate goal in our writing endeavors.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, this is a well-written exercise. I do have to point out two things, namely:

Barnes And Noble [Barnes & Noble][I think Barnes & Noble is a trademark. therefore, it has to be written the way its set-up.]

["nil to none"] [This is kind of redundant as nil means nothing just as none means nothing as well. In effect, the sentence ends with, "nothing to nothing." That's probably fine if that's you're intention.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good point of view and perspective you're presenting and disseminating. We're taking notes. Thank you.

And keep writing. We appreciate all the help we can get.

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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, flyfishercacher:
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Here we are doing our WDC Power Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
Oh, the things we discover when we do general cleaning. Items long forgotten come to the fore. You had a strong motivation to clean your closet. Besides your two brothers were pushing you to get it done so they can move in. Without those two, you would have probably taken your sweet time.

Let me tell you. I am the best (or worst?) procrastinator of all time. My husband passed away ten months ago. I haven't done a thing to clear his area of our closet and rearrange things. I kept thinking about sorting them and putting them in boxes for donation and tossing out junky things but haven't done so.

As I read your exposition, I smile, being reminded of the cleaning up I have to do. Maybe when I am finished doing this review, I'll get up and start this monumental task. You're giving me the push to get on and be done with it. Thanks for this unwitting suggestion.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, I looked before and after and found nothing to give me a pause or raise my brow a tad. Therefore, I'll reward you with a 5-Star rating.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It breaks the monotony of narration and gives sparkle to the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Good work, flyfishercacher. Keep writing. You're good for it. You have the knack.

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11
11
Review of Of Light and Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, rinsoxy:

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Here we are raiding each other's output on behalf of WD.C's Superpower's Review Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and written.

*Content
It's interesting how the author created a make-believe character, giving her human characteristics and human emotion. I like the idea that no matter what inhuman training and environment Sijile grew up in, she cried in disappointment. I like this human element that separated her from her peers.

The three basic elements of a story, which are beginning, middle and end were achieved in this exercise. Good work.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:

Doran was just the [first of the master][masters] to awaken. [ In this context, "master" should be plural if there are more than one masters and Doran was the first.]

When it became apparent they weren’t going to eat[,][Insert comma] Sijile began choking down the dry and crusty bread.

With her meal a hard and tasteless lump in her stomach Sijile pushed back from the table and stood. [This sentence is awkward. It's missing something. Can we try it this way:
[With her meal, a hard and tasteless lump in her stomach, Sijile pushed back from the table and stood.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and breaks the monotony of straight narration. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Creating fantastic stories like this is a fine art. Keep up the creativity. Water it and fertilize it. Take the weeds out. Let the sunshine in. You're doing a fantastic job.


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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Kenword:
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Here we are raiding each other's submission on behalf of Wdc Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well-organized and presented.

*Content
What a deep sobering introspection. Indeed, the road is narrow for the souls needing spiritual guidance, while wide is the road that leads to the wrong destination. Yes, it is worth our time to go and search inward to find out who we are: where we came from, where we're going, and how we arrived at our present awareness of the reason for our being.

Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts and recognition of God's presence in us and around us! God's word through the Bible is the only path to lead us to His presence and His glory.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, this exercise is almost flawless. I say almost because I looked before and after for anything that would make me pause or raise my brow a tad, and I did find two. Aha! Here they are. I cut and pasted them as they may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[hay wire ] [haywire][One word]

[over charged] [ overcharged][One word]

Aside from these two, you're good to go.

*Dialogue
Employment of dialogue may help put life into this essay but it's not necessary.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for sharing the spiritual element of this essay which shows the depth, weight, and height of your communion with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the author and finisher of our faith!

Keep writing. Don't stop now just because. More than ever, you need to write about your life's journey before reaching the other shore.

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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Richard:
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Here we are doing our April Raid. Let me start with your intriguing submission.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content

Two weeks before, each bright Christmas Day, she chose to Give back, her own unique way.

This sentence at the end of the first paragraph had me scratch my head. Did you mean "two years" before, each bright Christmas Day...?

Moving on, I cannot be certain if this story is fiction or non-fiction. It sounds real to begin with. When she started pickpocketing with expertise and dexterity, I began to question whether this is a make-believe story or not. Perhaps you need a transition to clarify whether these are fictional characters you created? I just did not get the distinction especially when she succeeded in getting enough money for an old man's flight fare to see his granddaughter and newborn great-granddaughter. Or, was that the signal?

As it turned out, the detective finally caught the pickpocketer indirectly by way of making a small talk with the old man. What an encounter. I love the twist in the end!

I enjoyed the anecdotal mystery, which is sort of flim-flam to my savor because the twists and turns were delightful to read.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*PunctuationSpelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

For starters, the title of this story has a possessive case status; therefore, the title should look like this: A Thieve's Christmas (with an apostrophe.)

In ten years as a detective[,][Insert comma] Denny had never turned a blind eye to a crime, and he didn't plan on starting now.

He began snapping still photos with the camera hanging from his neck[.][Don't forget terminating dot.]

Giggling with joy at her successful attempt.[Fragment] I noticed there are a few examples of this sentence fragments.]

Jolted by a sudden realization, [He] [he] rewound once again to the see the approach.

An [Ache] [ache] bloomed in her heart for his sadness, she gave him a soft smile.

A small tear [tickle][trickle?] down their cheeks.

Opening the envelope [reveled][revealed] a round trip airfare to where his new great-granddaughter waited for a warm Christmas hug.

Cutting him off, “could you open that, sir,” a bit out of his police persona, almost begging, “please?” [The first word inside a quotation is generally with an upper case first letter. Therefore, this sentence will appear this way:
Cutting him off, “Could you open that, sir,” a bit out of his police persona, almost begging, “Please?”

Denny, almost in awe asked[,][Insert] “[may][May] I read the note sir?”

“Tonight, seven at Mario’s," more a command [then][than] a question.

*Dialogue
I noticed you were using both quotation marks and italics in dialoguing. You can use either/ or but not both. For the most part, italics are used for internal dialogue and titles. This mix-up may not be your fault. It can be attributed to auto spellcheck. It's a feature I disdain with a passion.

OTHER AREAS THAT NEED POLISHING
Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lower case to make a complete sentence. In effect, this means the word after the comma would be in lower case.

I see missing essential commas in sentences here and there. My suggestion is to read your story aloud and insert comma every time you pause; or, have someone read it to you aloud. This is helpful in finding where commas are essential for clarity and readability.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Having pointed out all those things above, I see your great potential for producing publishable output. What you need is self-critiquing your work in the punctuation areas to clean them up. Always take a second look at your finished work before submitting. It pays dividends when you do that.

Good work, Richard. You have the knack in telling a story. Keep writing.

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14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, The Swarthy Bard:

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Here I am finding something to read and review because it's the best thing to do when we're in quarantine, right?

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and put together.

*Content
This is a very impressive presentation in writing expertise. This is flawless in mechanics and vocabulary. The only drawback I see from this exercise is its saturation of high-sounding words unfamiliar to ordinary or typical readers. The verbosity may discourage the reader from reading it to the end because they are confronted with opening the dictionary every time they encounter words not used in everyday conversations. It slows them down and distracts their comprehension.

*Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling Flawless.

*Dialogue
Employment of dialogue may help break the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the sisterly message Laetitia is imparting to Euphoria warning her not to entertain the lure of Melancholia's fascinating appeal. But, perhaps, if you come down to an Intermediate or even High School level of reading comprehension, this exercise might have a greater appreciation with your readership?


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15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Fifthwood:

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Here I am finding something to read and review because it's the best thing to do when we're in quarantine, right?

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I like the way you introduced this fiction story. It started very realistic and credible. The only time you injected some unbelievable and outlandish ideas was when your boss kept your father's death three days before he told you; and, when your mortgage would outlive you for more than a hundred years.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and the whole ball of wax is concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity:

Not just because it’s sparse [,][Insert comma] it was also the grey colors and hard angles.[Try to fix this sentence by inserting a comma (where I inserted it) and supplying the needed article at the beginning to complete the idea.]

At the end of my briefing[,][Insert comma] Coleman still looked unhappy.

Leaning forward with his arms crossed on his desk[,][Insert comma] my supervisor asked, “Did you look into the backgrounds of his mistresses?”

“Plans that are above your pay grade,”[ He][he] shot up from his chair and scooted around to the front of his desk, where he perched with his arms folded across his chest. “Now there is something more we need to talk about.”

Next to the hole[,][Insert comma] carved in the marble was ‘Julia Carrio 6 Aug. 2114 – 12 Sept. 2164. Broker.’

Since I was his son[,][Insert comma] I approached the urn first.

[well liked ][well-liked] [Compound word]

Before getting[,] started[,] I took some time to lie on the couch.[Transpose comma.]

With her nose in the air[,][Insert comma] she scanned the open space of the living room and kitchen.

[“Thanks.” I think.][“Thanks. I think."]

[straight laced][straight-laced][Compound word]

There were another 176 years left on the mortgage, [Which planet saddles a homeowner with a duration of mortgage this long?}

[built in][built-in]bookshelves [Compound word]

[hand turned tumbler][hand-turned tumbler]

There was nothing hidden on [of][delete] any of them,

Absent-mindedly[,][Insert comma] I plopped a tea disc in a mug as the water boiled quickly on the stove.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue breaks the monotony of a straight narrative. It livens and puts action to the characters.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I see where your work needs polishing. They are in the missing commas after an introductory clause and in using compound words. To minimize the comma problem, read your work aloud. Notice the pauses as you read. Insert a comma every time you pause. Also, you might want to use Grammarly to clean-up those nagging spelling problems. You will see a big improvement in your output if you try these remedial measures.

That being said, you're doing very well. Keep writing. You have the knack.


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16
16
Review of Imposing Memories  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Schnujo:

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Here I am finding something to read and review because it's the best thing to do when we're in quarantine, right?

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done for a How To demonstration.

*Content
Good organization and narration. The only area that gave me a pause was the unclear transition between narrating the flashback and coming to the present scenario as her loving husband brings her back to reality.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Ruby's [faces][face] carries a wide smile and her arms are crossed with the satisfaction of motherhood.[Possessive singular]

How to do punctuation marks for a quotation within a quotation.

"I asked, "What brings you by?"" [How to format a quotation inside a quotation: Change the inside quotation marks to single apostrophe.]

It would look like this: "I asked, 'What brings you by?'"

Because you started the story with a flashback, you need to show a transition that is clear and smooth for your readers to follow. In this scenario below, I found a good place to do it. It could be something like this:

Linda turns from the window and stares at Ruby's face--the lines of life creating neat pleats across the surface. "Uh, Ruby..." She stops, swallows. I wish I am strong enough to tell you you're hallucinating again.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. This is where the "Show don't tell" comes in. Cleverly and brilliantly done. I am impressed.

*Disclaimer
As to the nitty-gritty in punctuation marks are concerned, I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Great work demonstrating "Show and Tell." Write away!

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17
17
Review of Take me back  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, @69human:

Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is such a gripping and poignant story that touches the human heart and soul. We do have experiences and stories to tell of our childhood which can only be told by nobody else but us. Yet readers can identify and empathize with the narrator as he/she recalls those unforgettable tragic events and moments that can change ones' outlook in life.

Although presented as fiction, I am so gratified to see your narrator get healing by recalling and writing about it. I has to be therapeutic for him.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

having bought the place ["for a steal",] more for the land and the [broken down][broken-down] farm equipment than for the house.

It was a piano. An "upright grand". [These two sentences can be made into one, thus, solving the skirmish in sentence construction. Try something like, It was an "upright grand" piano.

Two issues in the above sentences: Open and close quotation marks and compound word.

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks:
According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

"...their Dad..." [their dad] [Use lower case for dad and mom when preceded by a pronoun. Use upper case when addressing them, such as, Hi, Mom; Hi Dad]

[My Dad][My dad] [Use lower case]
[his Dad] [his dad]

"Does anyone know where the love of God [goes.....when ] the minutes are turned into hours?" [See Use of Ellipsis following:]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

For purposes of this exercise, ellipsis consists of three dots, no more, no less; except when you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, then, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period. Therefore, you use four dots: three for ellipsis and a terminating period.

*Dialogue
I like your conversational style of writing and your voice. It's engaging. Also, try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and involves them in the conversation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away How tragic and sad. I am so touched by this fictionalized story. I say "fictionalized" because the storytelling is realistic and poignant. It gave me a shudder and deep soul-searching.

Write away, @69human. You have what it takes to develop your writing creativity and pen them in black and white.

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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, bandit:

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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a beautiful tribute you wrote about your mother. I can relate to the ordeal you went through in caring for her. It pleases me to see caring adult children who take care of their parents during this critical time of their existence. I empathize with you truly. You see, I took care of my mother, as well, during the last year of her life when she could not take care of herself any longer. She was independent. She did not want to be a burden to her children until she realized she had no choice but to depend on me. She was ninety-four-years old who suffered acute heart failure.

To top it off, I was also caring for my eighty-nine-year-old husband, who was suffering from prostate cancer, dementia, and heart failure. So, I took care of them both. Last year, 2019, was a challenging year for me. I had them both under Hospice Care in my home.

My husband gave up his fight for his dear life on May 25, 2019. He was ninety years old, which was five months short of his ninety-first birthday. Three months later, on August 29, 2019, ten days after we celebrated her ninety-fifth birthday, my mother gave up the ghost, as well.

Caring for them and seeing them go was bitter-sweet for me. Their first death anniversary will soon be here and here I am, still wishing they are still around to care for.

So, you see, you can count your blessings because you are not alone. At some point in our lives, we go through the same ordeal. Yet, we are left with beautiful memories that will live on until our appointed time comes.

Thank the good Lord for giving you good health, with a loving and caring heart that withstood all challenges of providing love and care for a beloved mother.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of wordsmithing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"oh well she's going to die anyway".[Note Open and Close Quotation Marks]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word.

They finally after eight hours of neglect moved my mother upstairs to the transitional unit.
[These two sentences may sound better revised this way:]

After eight hours of neglect, they finally moved my mother upstairs to the transitional unit.

It was amazing the difference in attitude after she was moved.

The difference in attitude was amazing after she was moved.

The months that I had spent taking care of her were now coming to [and][an] end.


Also: Try to read your work aloud, or have someone read it aloud for you, so you can hear the tone and voice. There may be punctuation marks needed for pauses and things of this nature that would enhance clarity and readability of your narrative. I see commas that you can insert in some of your sentences. Check it out. Take a second look. Revision is the secret to good writing.

*Dialogue
To add action, dazzle and sizzle, and sparkle to your story, try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Your story is so poignant. It touches our emotions down to the core. Thank you for sharing your struggles and forbearance in dealing with your loved ones' transition from this earth to life eternal on the other side.

Keep your pen and paper handy. Or in today's reality, put your fingers on the keyboard and write away.

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19
19
Review of Mediocre-Man  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, John:

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Swinging by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night, I find the title of this submission from Auto Reward port worth a peek. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green (If I find any).

*Content
What a trip! I was hooked with this fantastic story which started as a fifty-four-year-old man having difficulty urinating. Why? Because it reminded me of my father who had the same problem ever since I can remember as a child. With his bladder and kidney problem, getting up at night every thirty minutes to relieve himself, he was short-tempered, easily provoked and agitated. He was just impossible to live with. He was bipolar. He can be engaging and reasonable at certain times, then, out of the blue, he becomes mean and wicked.

What made him stood out from the crowd was his being a voracious reader. What I remember as a child was seeing him read from sunrise to sundown, only to get up and use the bathroom to relieve himself and to go to the table when breakfast, lunch or dinner is ready. He could not hold a job because he believed he was "the master of his fate and the captain of his soul." Heard that before from Invictus by William Henley? Because of it, he was dubbed as a good for nothing family man, a lunatic. He did not provide adequate food, shelter, and clothing for his six growing children and a loyal and longsuffering wife but he provided us food for the soul.

He was well-versed in the Bible as he has read it from cover to cover. His supplemental readings included Lifetime Magazine, Reader's Digest, Greek mythology and current events around the world. His favorite topic of conversation was UFOs and Sci-Fi, the milky way and the galaxy.

My mother's relatives who were unschooled regarded him as insane because of the subjects he talked about. In fact, in the seventy's, long before personal computers were in vogue, he talked about talking face to face on the telephone or TV screen, such as Skype or Facetime, which really blew the simpleton's little brain. I have to say he lived ahead of his time because of his unsatiable quests for learning.

Your fantastic story really hit a chord with me. It made me understand my father's failings, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies as well as strengths. He might have appeared to be a "mediocre" man but he was a savant. I used to hate him because he was a nag. But as I matured, I saw the value of his ideologies and philosophies. I am blessed to have a father who had a vision. He propelled me to excel in school, which I did.

He had big and impossible dreams that the human mind could not fathom. But one of his dreams I fulfilled for him was coming to America to live "where the streets are paved with gold." Those were his words. He lived to be ninety-two years old and was buried in the good old USA in 2006. To me, he is a legend and a hero.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of grammar go, I kind of skip whatever there was (if there was any at all) because I was mesmerized by the events that took place from beginning to end. In light of that, I am not going to go back and nitpick, if that's okay with you.

Oops, I did spot one little missed comma in this sentence:

Once dressed[,] I looked at myself in the mirror.[Insert a comma after introductory phrase.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It moves the story and humanizes the characters to allow the reader to be "in on the action."

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you evaluate your work from one reader's perspective. In light of the fact this is from one reader's point of view, take it with a grain of salt. Other readers may or will have a different take, I surmise.

*Over-all take away Great work, John Nation. Imagine all the actions, excitement and wonders were only in his head! Then, he comes back down to reality. What a big letdown!

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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Jay:

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What a beautiful testimony you presented in this "Share Your Faith " prompt entry. I am in awe of your courage and inspiring summation on how God has changed your life by loving yourself first in order to love others. And, ultimately, your love for God is manifested in your words, actions, and relationships with family, friends, and the world at large.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green (when applicable.)

Formatting
This is well-organized with outlining, which shows the logic for easily following your thoughts.

*Content
Like I mentioned in my introduction, your transparency is overwhelming and catching. I hope souls are blessed and will follow your example.

I like your citing of the instructions the flight attendant announces before take-off. To help others, we have to help ourselves first.

Without going into detail, I totally am with you when it comes to loving ourselves before we can love others.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of grammar go, I did not find any violations or mishaps that made me pause or raise my brow. That being said, would you allow me to nitpick? Here's one snippet I cut and pasted that you may want to be aware of:

Though I'm still learning the answers to those questions, here is a montage of the beginning steps of this journey to discover the creation of the Lord,...ME.

Here, I am referring to the use of the ellipsis. I just want to share what I learned that you might be interested in learning yourself.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Not applicable to this exercise, although it would not hurt to inject it here and there to break the monotony of a narrative. Actually, your conversational style of writing has taken the place of employing dialogue. You are engaging and your reader is hooked.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Thank you for sharing your faith in the most transparent way only you can show. You are a channel of blessing to me today.

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21
21
Review of The Diagnosis  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, J.E. Allen:

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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from Auto Rewards port intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed, what a twisted tale. Good organization and presentation. It's almost credible.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of grammar is concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

The place reminded him of the Cantina on Mos Eisley… minus the band. [Use of Ellipsis]

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions:
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Leaving the gin and tonic behind[,][Insert a comma after introductory phrase] he walked towards the bathrooms, weaving through gruff men who smelled like fish and salt water[saltwater]. [Compound word]

“First off, how do you know each other? I’m sorry, but you don’t look like the type of guy [to ] that would associate with a mob boss, like Tony Scaramucci.” [Delete out of place preposition.]

8:00 PM [Presentation of numbers: Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.]

Also[,] I’m [also] going to refer you to Dr. Stan Roechner in Bridgeport.[Insert a comma and delete redundant word.]

When he came back into the bedroom his wife[,] [Insert a comma] Linda, who looked worried, asked, “Are you still sick?[Separate the proper name when the sentence is complete without it.]

Torn between his wife’s constant reminders to remember to lock the back door, and the directions he gave the man he met behind the bar. [Fragment. Revise: He was torn between his wife’s constant reminders to remember to lock the back door, and the directions he gave the man he met behind the bar./c}

7:45 PM
Here's sharing with you what I learned about the Presentation of Numbers: Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue breathes life into the story and puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. I do have to point out that separating your dialogue from the narrative by starting a new paragraph for each speaker highlights the conversation and gives it the extra dazzle, sizzle, and shine.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Writing dark and horrific stories like this is not my genre but I can appreciate other writer's proclivity to a subject matter they are drawn close to. With that being said, you have demonstrated good organization and presentation in this exercise. Keep up the good work. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.

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22
22
Review of A Moment's Peace  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, J. Robert:

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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night, especially when we're on a self-imposed quarantine, right? Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from Auto Rewards port intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Initially, I found Angelo to be a good-natured, understanding and tolerant individual who cares for his workers. But a nagging wife, constantly belittling him, perhaps, made him grew weary and tired. An idea popped up in his id after he fell into the dumpster and almost lost his dear life for it. It gave him a devious plot to get rid of his brawling lifemate. Did I get that right, so far? So he schemed a way to get rid of her.
Their exchange is telling. I was between saddened and entertained as I listened to their tete-a-tete.

This is a cliffhanger as well. I think you can write a sequel as to the next scene. As a reader, I need to find out if Mariaangela survived or not. How are these two souls going to reconcile the broken relationship they just went through? I'm sure your creative mind can cook up a sequel more intriguing and perhaps more comical? Peace at last or more upheaval?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of grammar go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

That done, he turned, started for his car...and stopped.[See Use of Ellipsis]
Something seemed...not right.[See Use of Ellipsis]
And, if it didn’t...well, he’d get a laugh out of it, at any rate.[See Use of Ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis
I see this exercise is saturated with the use of the ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

Angelo felt his neck getting warm, his face.[Kind of awkward. There is a missing link between the warmness of Angelo's neck and his face.]

She was right, his wife.[Comparing this sentence to the previous one I just pointed out, I see your unique writing style and voice. Therefore, I'm going to give you a pass on that.]

“I couldn’t be sure,” [He][he] said, “It was either a twenty...or a fifty.” See Dialogue tags and attribution

“Shhh,” [He][he] said.See Dialogue tags and attribution

“Don’t you shhh me, Angelo Rossi,” [Her][her] voice quieter, but still all treble.See Dialogue tags and attribution

“Be careful, Pinole,” [He][he] managed.See Dialogue tags and attribution

With nothing else to do, [He][he] sat, his back against the cold metal. [See Dialogue tags and attribution]

Dialogue tags/Attribution
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lower case to make a complete sentence.

*Dialogue
You have put life, action, and drama into your dialogue which is a mixture of entertainment and comedy. I was hooked at the twists and turns and how devious Angelo was. Great presentation of dialogue. It's a page-turner, for sure.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I found myself with mixed feelings as the story developed. I need to read the sequel.

Well-done, J. Robert. Love the way you compose your story. Write away!

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23
23
Review of Who Am I?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cute. What a revelation. Welcome to our community of wanna-bee by-line word-smithers.

Here's 200 accompanying GPs to welcome you.*Dollar* *Smile*

Also: I'm deducting half a point for your rating because of a "misplaced" punctuation mark in this line:
I am a Foolish Joker for self-proclaimed "Truth-Seekers". and here's my justification: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, "Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word." Got to point out though that this convention, however, is widely violated.

Of course, this is a poem; therefore, you have a poetic license to justify that. I just thought I'll point this out like a smart aleck that I am.*Smile*

QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
*Owl4*



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24
24
Review of Driftwood  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, RadioShea:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Driftwood short story hit my inquisitive mind right off. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
First of all, I want to know a few things:
1) Is this a true-to-life story?
2) How old is the narrator in this story?
3) Do you believe in a higher being who controls our lives?

Why do I ask? Let me tell you. I just became a widow. Eight months ago to be exact. I feel your loneliness and your pain of loss. Slowly, I have learned to overcome the loneliness, the pain of loss, and the recriminations that used to eat me away.

But loneliness, true loneliness, I find to be an evil thing.

Don't allow your loneliness to drown you into self-pity. I have given myself plenty of time to just sit idly by and let the day pass accomplishing nothing. Then I realize I am in control of myself and can do unrestricted activities, and of course, subject to God's ultimate control. I did some traveling around the State and Out-of-State three months after my husband was laid to rest. Then I found myself useful when my youngest daughter needed me to chauffeur her school-age children around four days a week. I'm keeping myself busy while maintaining independence in the comfort of my own home.

What I'm sharing with you is this: Perish the thought that loneliness is an evil thing that will bind you for the rest of your life. Don't let it overwhelm you. You are in control.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, I did not notice any writing skirmishes or violations that gave me a pause or raised my eyebrows. You're writing is good.

*Dialogue
I see good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. They put life into the story and breaks the monotony of a narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the way you handled the prompt provided by The Writer's Cramp Contest. I can see why your story won the contest. Keep up the good work you exhibited. You have the knack in making a story pop, sizzle, sparkle and dazzle! Let me tell you: I seldom gave a 5-Star rating in my reviews. But, this one deserves it.


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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Redtowrite:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Nursing is both Roses and Thorns short story called my attention and prompted me to stop due to a similar circumstance I went through not too long ago. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
Such a poignant story. I can relate and empathize because I went through a similar situation in the last four years past. On April 26, 2016, my sister, who was eight years younger than me gave up her fight for life against that ugly monster called cancer. She was declared terminal at the end of 2016 and sent home under Hospice Care. The doctor said she would succumb in a couple of days after her release. With tender loving care, she survived for four months. Last year, I dealt with my 95-year-old mother and my 90-year-old husband's aging and end of life conditions, with little help from family. I tackled them both by myself at home. Thank the Lord for Hospice Care that provided me support. They succumbed three months of each other. So, this story is really close to home. Thank you for sharing.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"I'll page Tommy". ["I'll page Tommy."]

["she breaks just like a little girl".]["she breaks just like a little girl."]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. This convention, however, is widely violated.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. They allow the reader to participate in the story as the reader gets up close and personal with the characters portrayed.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for sharing this poignant true-to-life ordeal each one of us may face and deal with at some point in our lives. I have and I found strength in handling the difficulties with my faith in God.

Write away, Redtowrite.

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