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1
1
Review of The Sense of You  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Adherennium:

What a beautiful rendering of the love that makes your whole being in tune with nature and creation.

There's nothing I can add, change, or diminish from what comes out from the inner recesses of your heart. I see you dancing and singing in harmony at the sight and closeness with the object of your undivided attention, with untold ecstasy.

Thank you for laying bare your soul in this lovely poem.


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2
2
Review of Apparition  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, cassierobbins:

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It's a slow evening for me. This allows me to visit ports to find something to read and review. And the title of your story intrigued me.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done.

*Content Intriguing story indeed.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
This is well-written. I don't see any violations that raised my concern regarding the above topics.

Spelling I found these two compound words that need a dash:

empty handed. (Compound word: empty-handed.)

six foot two inch frame (Compound word: six-foot-two-inch frame)

*Dialogue
Employing more dialogue could have enhanced the action and voice of the characters as opposed to a plain narrative. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author, making the reader involved in the interaction.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This story is hair-raising. It tells of curiosity, blind ambition to get rich quickly, and uncontrolled greed that ruined Clint's search for a better life ahead. He may have regretted his actions and motivations, but the apparition decided his fate as pronounced at the time of the desecration. I feel sorry for the sad ending. I hope whoever reads this can learn a lesson or two and respect the sacredness of the Indian burial ground.

Keep writing, cassierobbins. You have the knack. You will go a long, long way as you hone your wordsmithing skills.

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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Quck-Quill:

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Wow! How impressive! I love this historical account you shared here. Your mom and dad must be so proud of you when they got your letter. I can also tell that you have the talent for putting significant words in place of the mundane and ordinary. My shout-out to you.

Your letter is flawless. I cannot see any typos to slow down my reading from start to finish. Thank you for sharing your serendipity that changed your destiny.

I am going to skip my routine of checking for little violations in English composition because this is an impressive work.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling

*Dialogue
Your conversational style and voice have taken the place of the dialogue, which is great.

*Disclaimer
Of course, this is only the opinion of one reader. But I stand by my takeaway. Kudos to you, Quick-Quill.

*Over-all take away Like I say from the start, I'm impressed. Any mom and dad would have their hearts swell with pride and joy for your great luck in landing a job with the President of the United States of America without even trying.


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4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Matt Wii:

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Great to find The Hopper Finale and see how the twists and turns ended.
Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling

I'm going to cut to the chase and skip the nitty-gritty as above enumerated. Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"lifeless… similar" [Use m-dash instead of ellipsis. See uses of ellipsis]

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Her eyes were massive as she tried her best to pled under the duct tape. [Correct tense: plead]

David pled with prosecutors that The Hopper staged all of this which led to David’s lawyer pleading that David was insane.[Replace pled with pleaded and insert a comma between this and which]

*Dialogue
You demonstrated good employment of dialogue, showing your characters interacting with each other. I, as a reader, am in on the action as I am following it closely with my curiosity needing to take immediate action to end the exciting twists and turns.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Wow, what an ending! Quite an exercise in creative writing. You've got the knack for bringing your adventure to the finish line. Keep writing, Matt. You may be close to finding your manuscript at an Agent's or Editor's Desk.

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5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, R. Wright:

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It's a quiet Sunday afternoon for me. It gives me a reason to visit ports to find something to read and review. And your story is the first one to catch my eye in the Read and Review page.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

Formatting Because we are here to help each other in polishing our written work, let me start by pointing out that your format leaves something to be desired. What I'm referring to is the lack of separating new ideas into paragraphs. There seems to be no heads or tails in this jumbled story. Every new thought should be a new paragraph to avoid confusion.

Next, be mindful of the importance of using punctuation marks where they are needed. You want your reader to enjoy reading your story. When your reader gets frustrated in reading because of the lack of organization with sentence structure and flow, they are bound to put down your story and find something else to read.

*Content This story would be a page turner with the reader eager to know more if you observe the conventional way of penning your words into paper. I would love to see a revision of this exercise because there is a potential for this story to hum, shine, and entertain.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax

I have crossed these out because these issues are addressed in my comments on Format and Content.

Spelling It does look like you have a good command of spelling, as I see no misspellings or typos that caught my hawkeye. I give you credit for this. (Oops, I just noticed one: slabbered should be slattered.)

Here are some sample snippets I cut and pasted that need your attention. I tweaked them for clarity and readability:

"Longer than the road of a narrow path, a line was waiting to hop on a ship. The captain steered, “All aboard, everybody. Please watch your step, there is something extravagant that is about to happen.”

Start a new paragraph after this introduction.

"All the seats were filled, and many men and women had to stand; there was one corner with barely an inch left for the last man or woman. The horns of the boat blared like a school bus that was waiting to take children out for a field trip. The amusement rocked back and forth as the drift from the water made the boats feel bumpy...." [Continue this line of thought until you're transitioning to a new thought.]

Your next paragraph would be:

"Grabbing a frank from a fridge, a woman ordered a hot dog slathered with mustard and relish. A man took her seat; the man was red; he sat there. No noise, no voice..."

The above are just a few samples. Obviously, I cannot copy your entire work as it will take up so much space. But, you see what I'm leading you to do, right?

*Dialogue
When you employ dialogue, begin a new paragraph with each character speaking. This clarifies who is talking and avoids confusion.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take them with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Write on and revise, revise, revise. That's the ticket to a story that delights and makes the reader crave reading your work.

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6
6
Review of Morrison's Moment  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Beholden:

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It's a slow Friday for me. It gives me a reason to surf our ports and find something to read and review. So, here I go.

Formatting
Well organized as presented.

*Content
My takeaway from this story: I cannot put myself into this situation because I have not been on the battlefield. The emotions going through the shooter must be just as desperate as the enemy, who is caught and sees the imminent death he is facing.

I hope I will never face this scene in my lifetime. I do feel empathy for the hunter as well as the hunted. It's either kill or be killed. What a horrible situation, but like they say, "all is fair in love and war."

Finally, the long-lasting effect of a close death encounter on the battlefield evokes memories that can linger on through life. How horrible yet heroic for brave men and women who are willing to sacrifice their lives for love of country and its citizenry.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling
I am going to skip checking the nitty-gritty of writing mechanics and syntax since this is a well-organized exercise as presented. I am going to comment on the content that touched my feelings as a civilian citizen who has had no experience in military combat.

*Dialogue
Enough dialogue was employed to put an element of conflict and to make the story move. Albeit, more dialogue would enhance the narrative as it puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the overall mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away It's a thought-provoking memory recollection that awakens the reader's emotions, especially those who have been in the same or similar situation. Keep polishing your writing skills. You have the knack.

Write away and soar into the sky of your publishing goals.


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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, GrueSum1:

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Let me cut to the chase with this review and input by eliminating the basics, such as nitpicking on the following issues. I am intrigued by the way the author is opening this manuscript with dialogue. Therefore, I will focus my comment on the employment of dialogue to open the introductory scene.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling

Here's my takeaway to share with how brilliantly the author penned it. Indeed, this is an intriguing introduction to a creative story. Or should I say semi-creative tale, because the author will incorporate real, factual incidents and adventures as the story unfolds.

I like the employment of dialogue to introduce the characters when the curtains open. It sets the scene in a realistic atmosphere where the conversation started. This is going to be a page turner as I await the curtains opening for Chapter Two.

*Dialogue
The employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other in this introduction is brilliant. Right away, it sets the twists and turns for what the readers can look forward to as we turn the pages.

*Disclaimer
Bear in mind my observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, I am an observer, a learner who appreciates reading for my delight as much as finding subtle ways to make a story hum, sizzle, and shine.

*Overall takeaway I find this to be a great scene to introduce your characters as the curtains open. I can't wait to read Chapter Two. Give me a clue when it's ready to devour for my reading delight, amusement, and some reading to learn from.
(P.S.: Is that you, Jim?)

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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, The Uplifting Essayist:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted for this genre.

*Content Great, delightful, and meaningful living critter stories that awaken the minds of curious children in their wonder years.

*Mechanics *Syntax *Punctuation
consisted of fruits etc. [insert comma: consisted of fruits, etc.]

*Point of View (POV) The storyteller's point of view dominates the dialogue in this story, which is fine and appropos.

*Element of Conflict
There is enough tension to satisfy the need for an element of conflict in the story.

*Climax
A great lesson for children with impressionable curiosity to ponder long after the two little bears with their mom have gone home, but caught their attention.

Spelling
they feel asleep [spelling: fell]

It so happened [Find an alternative introductory phrase instead of repeating this in the next paragraph.]

*Dialogue
You may not have employed dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other in this story, but I like your conversational style of writing. It has effectively taken the place of the dialogue in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics and flow of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take them with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway This is another great lesson for children to learn from a great storyteller.

Write away, prolific storyteller. You have the knack to create action stories for children.

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9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, The Uplifting Essayist:

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It's a quiet Saturday afternoon for me. This gives me a motive to look for something to read and review, and I find the title of this article interesting to spend time with.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling

Today, I'm going to focus on one issue I find in your writing that you may not be aware of that needs your attention. Here are the snippets I cut and pasted showing what they are. It's in the use of ellipsis:

right... Renu's
AHA...!!
YIPPEE...!!

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
I like your conversational style of writing. It sounds friendly, delightful, and natural.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away There is a beautiful lesson you conveyed in this story for children to learn from and enjoy. Keep up the good work. Chilren need thought-provoking stories to read and grow on in their formidable years.


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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Matt Wii:

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It's a quiet Wednesday afternoon for me. This gives me a chance to go through ports and find something to read and offer my input.
Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling
Realizing that you're in Chapter 5, I will merely focus on the issue I am dealing with as I go through this story.
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity - until I found out I'm reading Chapter 5:

The further he drove, the more David tended to believe that this was all related to The Hopper. [I need an explanation of what The Hopper is in the context of your story.]
David made sure to park a little out of the way from the house to best ensure The Hopper didn’t notice him if it was still there. [The person who issues parking tickets?]

David instantly knew he was face-to-face with The Hopper.[?]

I guess, I need to go back and read the first four chapters to find who or what The Hopper was all about.


empty… for the most part. [Uses of ellipsis - Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
]

Inside the containers was a mix of random items [correct verb use - were]

It seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. [Cliche: Try to stay away from using cliches.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author; they make the reader participate in the action as it moves.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away The story is moving and is a page turner; although, because I haven't read the first four chapters, I have a few questions needing answers.

Keep going, Matt. I may go back and read what I missed so I can follow the story to its end.


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11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, spirit dog prowling 4premium:

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It's a quiet Sunday night for me. A good time to browse wdc and see if I can do some review. And I happened to land in your port with this interesting article.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax

First of all, I'm not familiar with New Horizons Classes. Where do you find them? Here at WDC? I would like to find out if there might be classes I'll be interested in.

Second of all, I'm not going to go through the standard item by item checking as above enumerated. I'm going to focus on the minor violations, or perhaps typos I see in your spellings, such as the following snippets I cut and pasted for your awareness:

Spelling

the corse material [course?]

tailoeored [tailored]

*Dialogue
As this is an article, it does not need to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Good presentation as written.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This article is well presented and written. Keep writing for informational and educational benefit to our wdc audience.

Write on.


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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Coyote Clock:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

Formatting

*Content

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Uses of Ellipsis
I see this exercise is saturated with ellipses. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuation devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted showing your use of ellipses:

I bet you missed me to God's thrones and back..
Corrected: I bet you missed me from God's throne and back.

I found out that mom has been hiding my leprechaun fetuses.. That's right... I was looking for money for lunch and mom was hiding it in her dresser... And people expect me to be on a comfortable cloud with all this crap...
Corrected: I found out that Mom has been hiding my leprechaun fetuses. That's right. I was looking for money for lunch, and Mom was hiding it in her dresser. And people expect me to be on a comfortable cloud with all this crap.

*Point of View (POV)

*Element of Conflict

*Climax

Spelling

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
All I'm focusing on in this exercise is your use of ellipses because they are glaring at me, the reader. I will leave the rest of the issues for other readers to offer their input. I hope my observations and suggestions can help you clean up this exercise relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Keep writing. And reading. The more you read and write, the better you can hone your writing talent. And revise. Revision is the ticket to an exercise well done.

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, ms.aether:
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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting This free format is well done.

*Content Wow! How poignant. I can relate. Thank you for sharing your triumphs, heartaches, and heartbreaks. In all these experiences, patience and forgiveness prevailed, ultimately making you triumphant in the end.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I can see you're paying attention to the standard writing composition. I'm impressed with your writing skills.

*Point of View (POV) First Person POV works well in this essay.

*Element of Conflict Yes, elements of conflict show in every relationship you went through, which lends credence to the context of the whole message you convey.

*Climax You may not have found the soulmate or partner you've been searching for, but you gained wisdom and bravery to face the world on your own and be happy with the path you've taken.

Spelling I see no spelling typos or mishaps to speak of. Good proofreading done.

*Dialogue
Since this is a monologue, internal dialogue may add spice to the narrative, but it can be ignored.

*Disclaimer
I don't have much to add or change. I am taken by your expression of bravery in the ups and downs of your journey. I am with you from beginning to end. On this note: I seldom give a perfect 5-Rating score, but this has touched me and I'm compelled to award this score to you.

*Over-all take away. Keep writing. Your personal experience can touch the heart and soul of a reader who has experienced similar disappointments as well as triumphs along the way.


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Review of The reunion  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sumojo:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted for this genre.

*Content I like the beginning, middle, and end of the story.

*Point of View (POV) A combination of POVs among John, Sally, and Jackie worked well.

*Element of Conflict Good push and pull of deciding to go or not to go at the beginning of the story put action for starters; then, Sally had another decision to make once she was with Jackie that put a twist to the story.

*Climax Putting the climax at the very end of the story made this twist unbelievably unimaginable. My eyes bugged out of their sockets with the "You only live once" tattoo! I would like to know how John reacted.

Spelling I just wanted to show you the nuance between the British and American spelling, such as the following:
recognised (British) (American version: recognized)
favourable [favorable]
parlourparlor

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation The relevant issue/issues I want to point out in this exercise are more on punctuation, as shown in the few examples I cut and pasted that need fixing and/or polishing according to the conventional and standard composition:

“Why?” her husband queried. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, what about that friend of yours, Jackie? She might be there.”
“Oh, please think about going, babe, it would do you good to have a night out,” John urged.

“I don’t know, hon, they’ve probably all done amazing things, they’ll be asking about careers and stuff. I mean, what have I done? Nothing!” (Enclose the direct object with commas.)

Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.


"...I want you to send off a reply saying you’d love to attend, right now.” he urged. (Attribution)

“I need a drink,” she muttered, desperately seeking the makeshift bar in the corner. (Attribution)

“Ah, babes is it really you?” (Enclose direct object with commas.) [“Ah, babes, is it really you?”]

under dressed. (Compound word) [underdressed]

“Wow, it’s Sally Webster isn’t it?” (Insert comma) [Webster, isn't it?]

As they were chatting and catching up on old times, one of their old teachers Mrs James, them joined at the bar. (Enclose direct object with commas to separate it from the flow of the sentence.
[As they were chatting and catching up on old times, one of their old teachers, Mrs James, joined them at the bar.]

“You only live once guys, you’ve gotta enjoy life. Come on Frank, let’s dance.”
“You only live once, guys, you’ve gotta enjoy life. Come on, Frank, let’s dance.”

*Dialogue
Good application of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Makes the reader participate in the action, as if the reader is doing the talking and acting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Holy smokes! My eyes bugged out of their sockets to learn in the end why there was throbbing in her breast. I did not expect that! Great twist! It might be interesting to have a sequel to this incident as John finds out what happened the night he let his wife run loose for the reunion. How about it?


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done.

*Content What a relief to know this was only a dream!

*Point of View (POV) Third Person Point of View works well.

*Element of Conflict
*Climax Jonathan's concern and insistence in helping her out proved to be a hair-raising experience for him.

Spelling I see no typos or misspellings glaring at me. Well done.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted showing violations of the use of ellipses according to the English/American standard of composition:

So many dreams come true … yet her feet were like two blocks of cement, preventing her from moving; her past haunting her. Why did she have to leave? [Use of ellipsis]

She was angry; you should never do things … when you’re angry. [Use of ellipsis]

a wild mint scent all around him … or was it of sweet herbs,[Use of ellipsis]

She had fallen … asleep. [Use if ellipsis]

Uses of ellipses: I see this exercise using ellipses in a way that is not intended according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

*Dialogue
Good use of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It puts me in on the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away The only issue I can see in this exercise is your use of ellipses. Other than that, I was glued to my seat with my heart in my throat, waiting for the curtain to fall.

Keep writing, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams. You're good for it.

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hornyboi78:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

Formatting
*Mechanics/Punctuation
Dialogue
There are only three issues I would like to address in this manuscript.
Here are the snippets I cut and pasted to show you what I can help you with in the mechanics of writing:

You think about what to do when....
into...
resting...
....The first
decided to...

Solution: Use the conventional period instead of using ellipsis.

1) Uses of Ellipsis
Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
Third: If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

2)Attribution and Dialog tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period (or whatever applies: !, ?) and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.


" Well that seals his fate, now time for some fun!" She said.

Correct format:
"Well, that seals his fate, now time for some fun!" she said.


3) Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to break the monotony of presenting a straight narrative. Show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and finds oneself immersed in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway I'm not making comments on the content of this manuscript. Suffice it to say that my input involves and is limited to the mechanics of writing. Keep writing.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Tani Ilves:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. I hope my observations and suggestions will have a positive impact on your writing.

Formatting You have a good command of formatting in the genre you have chosen.

*Content This is pretty out of the realm of reality, which befuddles the human mind. I am mesmerized by the demonstration of your experience. It is beyond belief.

*Point of View (POV) Good use of first person POV.

*Climax "A night journey into a mystical forest leads to a really supernatural encounter." This summary captured it all.

Spelling Your spelling is flawless. I see no typos or misspelled words. You did a good job of proofreading before submitting it.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need polishing for clarity, readability, and in observance of the American standard writing practices.

1) Uses of ellipsis:
body… and suddenly,
I take one step… another… a third
Want some soup?.. I made it for you…” [Always use three dots]
it was here that the present looked into the face of infinity…
“I set the timer… my alarm is loud” [Missing terminal dot]

I see this exercise is saturated with ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

2) Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.
“Why’d you do that?” She asked in surprise. [“Why’d you do that?” she asked in surprise.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue to break the monotony of a narrative, showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Great exercise, Tani Ilves. Keep at it. You're off to a good start.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, DeelsMe:

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Just stopping in to see what I can find to read and review on a quiet rainy Monday morning. Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done and organized.

*Content I haven't read the book but from your review, it sounds intriguing with twists and turns to put action to the story.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
This is a great review. You have captured the core of the story with its twists and turns. There is only one minor issue I would like to point out: Because "Violets are Blue" is the title of the book you're reviewing, I would prefer that it be italicized when referring to it this way, Violets are Blue. That's what I have learned from the writing workshops I have attended.

*Element of Conflict
They are palpable and relatable.

*Climax
What I missed from this review is how the story ended. My curiosity was not satisfied.

Spelling I see no typos or misspellings in this exercise. Great proofreading done before posting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observation or suggestion can help you tighten minor loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember, though, that this is from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away.
Keep writing and reviewing. You're good for it. I like the way you summarized the content of Violets are Blue.

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Review of Siblings  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Intuey:

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Since this is a poem, I'd rather not change anything you have expressed in your heart. For me, poems are solely soul searching and cannot be changed, amended, or corrected. I love the way the author expressed her interactions with her siblings and I wouldn't dare to violate that personal experience with them.

Formatting
Well done in free verse form.

*Content

This poem is cute and relatable. I was the second child in a family with six children. I loved to hang out with my oldest brother, especially when there were just the two of us initially. He was the favorite, and he could never do wrong in our parents' eyes. When he did something that displeased them, he pointed to me as the instigator for his misdeeds. I always got the bad end of the stick.

When the younger siblings came, I had my revenge. I teased them and blamed them for whatever my wrongdoing was. As we grew older, we coalesced, making our parents happy to see their parenting succeed.

In the end, we supported each other and we've been a close-knit family.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I see no violations in these areas of standard writing.

*Point of View (POV)
Written from a First Person POV.

*Element of Conflict
The ongoing displeasure among siblings was resolved when the narrator found harmony as they grew into maturity.

*Climax
Great resolution reached.

Spelling
I see no typos or misspellings to point out in this poem.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
My observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt.

*Over-all take away.
I love this poem because it reminds me of my faults and failures as the second sibling of six and how I rectified those violations.

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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Welcome to Writing.com.

You're off to a good restart, acfwesterby. Don't turn back now. Keep going. Launch your writing here on WdC. You will reap dividends by doing so. You will get ample support and encouragement from the community of writers aspiring to aim high and hit the Editor or Publisher's Desk.

And good luck to you. Write, write, write, and revise, revise, revise. That's the ticket!

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns


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for entry "That Van Of Mine" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Sum1's Home!:
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Hi, Jim:

I just thought I'd drop a line and see how your kitchen renovation is doing, as well as the van. I'm sure it has served you well for the ten years you have had it driving around. I know nothing about vehicles except to drive and take me from here to there and back. We used to have a van, but my husband took care of it. Now, my three-year-old Mercedes needs new tires, and I dread spending a thousand dollars to replace all four. But I have no choice unless I take the risk of getting a flat tire on the freeway. Oh, well. Such is life in the fast lane, right?

I really just like following your travels and the delicacies you discover in restaurants you visit while traveling. I see you love seafood. Have you tried soft-shell crab? We had them in Florida. Delicious!


*In conclusion. Anyhow, I see you're joining the WdC group leaders. Glad you're keeping busy now that you're retired. Congratulations!


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22
22
Review of Safety Concerns  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Amethyst Angel:
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It's Raid time, and I take the liberty to pick this exercise to review and offer you my input.
Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
You have done well in these areas, except for a minor violation in the use of punctuation in attribution. So, let me point this out to you and you can decide which way to adopt. Here are two snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability.:

["Don't move!" [He] [he] ordered, picking up a crowbar and pulling the closet door almost shut, hiding them both from the intruder.]

"It's Father!" [She] [she] whispered.

Here's the rationale regarding punctuation marks in attribution:
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Use lowercase (for pronoun) to complete the sentence.
When a thought is italicized, there is no need to insert attribution, such as, “I thought,” “she thought,” or “he thought.”

*Point of View (POV) All three characters involved expressed their POV.

*Element of Conflict Father's disapproval was explained, but Melody and Julian were not going to give in to him or give up the project they worked so hard for.

*Climax Glad to see Melody and Julian's father come around.

Spelling I see no typos in your spelling.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters engaged and interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. In the end, this was a win-win for everyone. Keep your writing talent flowing. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.


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Review of Stardust  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi *Poppy C*
Image for group raid

It's Raid time, and I took the liberty to pick this poem for its lofty meaning. I don't normally review poems because to me, poems are expressions of the heart and soul, and I cannot change or modify your innermost feelings and emotions. But, as I took a glance at this work, I found deep meaning in it.

This is beautiful and profound. It acknowledges our humanity and nothingness. Only if we look up to the heavens on bended knee can we find peace and comfort from the creator and giver of life. As the Scripture points out, "Dust thou art, to dust shalt thou return."

Keep up writing your poetry, *Poppy C*. You have the humility to accept your purpose and plan that the Lord destined for you. And the whole world for that matter.

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns


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Review of The Long Payoff  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Jeff:
Group Raid Image
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation Your story is well organized and presented in these areas.

*Point of View (POV) This is a good narration from a third-person POV.

Here is a snippet I cut and pasted that may need cleaning according to the conventional use of Ellipsis:

"The other two, now... they'd really had to hunt for them."

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. I have used the M-dash instead as an alternative. It might help you minimize or avoid its use just as it did me. According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
Ellipses have two important functions:
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It breaks flat narration every time.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. I like the daughter's payback by protecting her father's life at all costs against those gangsters who violated her and consequently rendered him an invalid for the rest of his life as well.

Write away, Jeff. You're on your way to the Publisher's Desk in no time at all.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lyvanna:

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Here I am on a quiet Sunday afternoon visiting ports, looking for some interesting manuscripts to read, review, and offer my input.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
The author's use of ellipses stands out to me in this exercise. Therefore, I will concentrate on this topic inasmuch as everything else is well done.
Let me share what I learned about these three dots and how to use them according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference.
It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observation and suggestion can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. A great Point of View is being presented here. Keep writing. You're good for it.


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