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1
1
Review of Why I Joined WDC  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jim: Love your memorable account of your journey with writing.com. What adventures you incapsulated and friendships you gained in the fourteen years since joining wdc are beyond description.

I’m glad I’m a part of that dimension in your already busy traveling life. What an incredible journey indeed.

Thank you for including me in your circle of friends who love to write.

When is your next trip to Southern California? I missed the last time you came back. Would love to have another get-together.

Keep me in the know. Meanwhile, take care and God bless you, your travels, and your writing endeavors.

Have a wonderful springtime as it rolls along.

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns
aka Miriam Day
3/1/24
2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Bonzo:
WdC SuperPower Member to Member Review Raid sig
It's SuperPower Reviewers Group September Raid. So bear with me as I look into your work and offer you my input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The presentation is fine. It satisfied the elements of a short story or narrative.

*Content
You're in good company to have met this remarkable man on your trip.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation and all the nitty-gritty of composition goes, here are some snippets I cut and pasted for your close scrutiny and correction for clarity and readability:

I would take them “with a grain of [salt”.]
[Put your period inside the quotation:
I would take them “with a grain of [salt.”]

According to The Writer's Digest, Grammar Desk Reference:
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. This convention, however, is widely violated.

When it became [apperant][apparent] that my luggage had not made the flight[,][Insert comma] I filled out the lost luggage forms at the airport and was assured my luggage would arrive by the next morning.
Fix both errors here: Correct your spelling for apparent and insert a comma to separate the introductory clause from the main clause.

Spelling
[cloths] [clothes] Correct spelling
[suggeted ] [suggested] Correct your spelling

[no where] [nowhere is one word.]
[In the context of this sentence,
"...Sabateen walked in to the airport and asked me what was going on."
into is one word.]

[rumers] [rumors] Correct your spelling
[travelld] [travelled] Correct your spelling
[llevel] [level]Correct your spelling

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Dialogue beats the monotony of a straight narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This exercise is riddled with misspellings and other necessary elements in composition. I suggest you go back and proofread this, paying close attention to the spelling of common English vocabulary and make corrections. Your goal is to make your writing clear, readable, and understandable to your reader.

Keep writing as well as reading. They are two peas in a pod. And revise. Proofread with a fine toothcomb before clicking Send. Good luck. Keep at it. Never give up. Writers never give up. They keep on plugging along.


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3
3
Review of Simple Pleasures  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Ruthie4u:

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Because it's Superpower September Review Raid time, I took the freedom to pick your story for review to offer you my input. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
It has satisfied the structure and elements of a short story with a beginning, middle, and end.

*Content
Great moving story aided by your conversational style of writing and dialogue.

As far as *Mechanic,*Syntax,*Punctuation go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:

My [Daddy] [My daddy] Mom and Dad
[My understanding from all the writing workshops and classes I attended is that the first letter in mom and dad should not be in upper case when it's introduced by a pronoun. The only time Mom or Dad is in upper case is when one is addressing one's mom and dad, such as: "Hey, Mom (or Dad), are you coming tonight?" or, "Mother, may I?"]

" Did you have a good day today sweetie?" He asked me. [Attribution is part of the sentence. Do not capitalize "he" in "He asked me."

[after thought] is a compound word/use hyphen [after-thought]

*Dialogue
That little touch of dialogue you inserted in the narrative made all the difference in telling your story. It showed your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author putting life and action to move the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Indeed, life is short and time is fleeting. Our tomorrows are not guaranteed. And the memories we build during our short journey end at the grave as well. But, we can make our memories live by recording them as a legacy for generations behind us.


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4
4
Review of The Caring Soul  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Naomi:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
It has the elements of what a short story is about. The beginning, middle, and end have been sufficiently accomplished.

*Content
I can appreciate the compassionate soul this widowed grandma possesses and demonstrated at the hospital. The good Lord will reward her for her kindred spirit in addition to the reward she received from the family after the patient recovered from the onslaught of the pandemic. May the Lord add more blessings to her in the days and years ahead.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,*Point of View (POV)
you need to work on these areas for clarity and conciseness.

*Element of Conflict
I like the element of conflict you injected into the story with this Grandma's insistence on giving her bed to another patient who she perceived to need it more than she did.

*Climax
What a beautiful demonstration of gratefulness the wife and children of the patient showed to their benefactor after the patient recovered and was well enough to go back to work.

Spelling
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need your second look for correction:

[panic buying][panic-buying]For clarity, verify whether this word qualifies as a compound word and must be hyphenated.

[brough ][brought] Correct your spelling

"There is no room, not even a bed available for you. How can you be given a proper treatment. Please fight for your life, please do not die,[our children are still young and we need you.]"
This last statement in the sentence does not seem to fit as spoken by whoever said it. Was it the nurse or whoever was attending to the patients in the room? Who said what to whom? Be specific.

"...There is money [i] the petty cash box..."[in]

In addition, be consistent with tense usage. Past/present/future.

*Dialogue
Do research and study how to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Pay close attention to punctuation marks used in dialogue.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This story can be expanded and improved as it has a great potential to shine and be published. My recommendation for you is to do a last-ditch effort at proofreading before clicking Send.

Keep writing and reading on the side to gain insight into how published authors make their stories sparkle, sizzle, and hum. Moreover, consider revising areas that need polishing. Revising is the key that unlocks the magic of storytelling.


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5
5
Review of Spilled Milk  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sara:
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It's Superpower Reviewers Group March Raid and I pick your piece of work to read, review and offer you input.
.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted in its genre.

*Content An entertaining and delightful short story. I like the dialogue you employed showing what's going on.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of English composition go, here's one snippet I cut and pasted that need may tweaking for clarity, readability goes:

thrumming [I cannot find this word in the dictionary. Did you mean, throbbing?]

*Dialogue
You're a master at employing dialogue. Your punctuations are flawless. Great exchange showing your characters interacting with each other. Your use of dialogue made your story sparkle, sizzle, and hum.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway It's a delightful and entertaining exchange that hooks the reader till the end.

Write away, Sara. You have a knack for wordsmithing. Keep at it to your advantage.

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6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Archer:
shared for reviews
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It's Superpower Reviewers Group March Raid and I pick your biographical account of JFK's Assasin to read, review, and offer you my input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting The account is good in its format.

*Content This is a sketchy account but it's a good summary. Details of specific dysfunction during his early childhood into his adult life would add spice and drama to keep your reader hooked.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of English composition go here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking, polishing, and revising for clarity, readability, and chronology of events:

[court martialed ][court-martialed is a compound word. Insert a dash]

[mail order] [mail-order is a compound word. Insert a dash.]

[On the 24 November,][On 24 November,]

a junior officer ran forward with a gun and shot, killing Lee. [Consider revising:"...a junior officer ran forward with a gun and shot Lee, killing him."]

My recommendation on the last two paragraphs: Put the second to the last paragraph as the conclusion instead for chronological order effect.

*Point of View (POV) Third person POV used by the narrator is fine.


*Element of Conflict Hatred towards the arrogance of JFK as the element of conflict portrayed by Lee Harvey Oswald is at best, weak, and does not display an obsession to kill JFK. Was he interviewed and claimed this to be his only reason to kill? Remember this is a biographical account. It has to be validated.

*Climax Lee Harvey Oswald succeeded in killing JFK but his personal knowledge and or exposure to JFK was not displayed in this biographical account to give him the impetus to end JFK's life.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to break the monotony of presenting a boring narrative. Dialogue put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and makes him interact with the characters.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway This is a very good exercise in presenting a biographical account. Keep up the good work. And always consider revising, and filling in what is missing to make your account sparkle, informative, and delightful to read.


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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, the-dude462:
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It's Superpower Reviewer's March Raid and I pick on your story to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Format is fine for this genre.

*Content It's a delighful story that catches attention.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking and fixing for clarity, readability and in observance of conventional English practices calls for:

[pink haired][pink-haired is a compound word]

[taste tester] [taste-tester is a compound word]

[...and subtext saying "volunteers optional"][Always be mindful to put your dot at the end of the sentence.]

["that's] interesting, when do I go?" [Always begin the first letter of your sentence in capital letters.]

I see a number of your sentences begin with small letters. Try to break this habit.

Betty cried out "what are you [doing,"] [Replace the comma with a period to end the sentence.]

oh wait this is my [to do] [list,"] There are two issues in this sentence: 1) [to-do is a compound word. Insert a dash]
2) Replace the comma with a period to complete the sentence.]

[force fed] [force-fed is a compound word]

*Point of View (POV)
What was Akumu's role in the story? Was she the same character as Muffet? This character needs a little detailed introduction. As it is the story ended without bringing this character back into the story.

*Element of Conflict
Betty did not create a big argument or a fight over the food she has to consume. She was enjoying the feast she was offered. And although she was getting bigger and couldn't contain herself, she was a glutton and deservedly so. LOL.

*Climax
She did deserve what she ended up with because of her gluttony.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Your use of dialogue made your story move along keeping your reader on the hook. This is a page-turner as it adds sparkle to the end of the page. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I'm enjoying your story from beginning to end. My suggestion is for you to watch your mechanics in grammar and composition. That is if you're serious about seeing your manuscript land at an editor's or publisher's desk.

Write away! You have the potential to shine with your creativity. Do study the mechanics of writing to polish it and make it sizzle, sparkle, and hum.
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8
8
Review of Mother Knows  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, jag wire:

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Just dropping by Read and Review to see what can make me busy on a quiet Sunday night. I decided to park and spend time reading and reviewing this work you submitted.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted for this genre.

*Content This story has the potential to shine given the necessary proofreading and editing. Perhaps the only missing info I would like to add here is to show how old John is in comparison to his declaration that he is not a six-year-old anymore.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:

exploreplay [Is this a newly created word or a typo?]
[Correct spelling: explore play]

There are all kinds of dangerous animals and [snakes. we] know nothing about. [Delete period in the middle of the sentence to make a complete sentence instead of two fragments.]

Hee quickly looped his fingers...[Watch out for typos.]

He Uuncoveringed the rest of the frame,[I'm not sure what this word means. Is it a typo? Is it uncovered?]

He continued [thehis] search for treasure.[Watch out for typos]

grazedappeared [Watch out for typos]

who let loose [suchthe] a howl. [Proofread before submitting to avoid annoying typos.]

attempted to [clambered] up [Correct your tense: attempted to clamber up...]

It [raisinged] its gaze to meet his.
It [raised] its gaze to meet his.

[withIt] [with it]

[Tthe] monster [The monster...]

From up around the bend,[Insert: the] [crunching] of leaves alerted [himJohn] something big was moving his way.

John swore it grinned at him, [withIt] was nothing but blood-soaked fur and fangs [gnashing.. ][Remove the extra period. If your intention is to show an ellipsis, let me share with you the functions of an ellipsis.

Uses of Ellipsis according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue provides action to your story and puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author which involves him/her in the interaction. It's what makes your story sparkle and sizzle and hum. Good job, jag wire.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway My strong recommendation for you is to take the time to do proofreading and editing before submitting your work. Think about your reader first and foremost. Ask the question: Will the reader be delighted to read this story or will he/she be annoyed with the numerous typos and grammar violations that are interrupting his reading enjoyment?

Good exercise, jag wire. Keep writing. And spend time proofreading, editing, and revising. You'll soon get to where you want to be before you know it.

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9
9
Review of Chapter 3  
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Goblin Slayer:

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Just passing through Read and Review and decided to stop and read Chapter 3 albeit, I am not familiar with either Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done and well organized for this genre.

*Content What an adventure. I bet, there will be more actions and surprises along the way. This is a page-turner.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and the nitty-gritty of composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:

'Wow, the last time I held him this tight was when we were... stop it! I can't think this way anymore. And why do I need to memorize a magic missile spell, what was up?' [She thought.]

Attribution
When a thought is italicized, there is no need to insert attribution, such as, “I thought,” “she thought,” or “he thought.”

"What are you sensing Arman? I think I know you pretty well and you wouldn't be so vigilant right now if you haven't sensed [something." Sandrial said.]

[Attribution is part of the sentence. Replace the period with a comma to complete the sentence.]

Note: I see quite a few of these violations in this manuscript. You might need to spend extra time polishing your punctuation marks. Aside from these, you're well-equipped in your wordsmithing endeavor.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters constantly interacting with each other. Dialogue brings life and action to a story. It beats a boring narrative. It puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and the reader is hooked completely from beginning to end. Well done, Goblin Slayer.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Good work. You're a creative storyteller. Keep it up. You're closer to being a published author than you might think.


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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, brom21:

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I'm just passing through and decided to stop in to read this inviting title that aroused my curiosity.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well organized and formatted in its genre.

*Content This story seems far out yet almost realistic and relatable. Your creative talent is impressive. I was hooked as the events unfolded.

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, *Punctuation and Spelling go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need your second look for tweaking as to clarity and readability:

It’s 5 pm
5:30 pm
7:30 am
Presentation of numbers/Times of day according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:
When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.


After the rest signed in, [a quant, man in glasses] and a doctor’s coat came out of a door [form] [from - typo?] the left wall.
Suggestion for tweaking: "a quant, a man in glasses"

twenty [mils] from here. [miles?]

“We’ve never [me] before.” [Because this is a quotation, I am wondering if omitting t in me is intentional or merely a typo? I am going to let it go if it is part of the speaker's accent.]

*Point of View (POV) A third-person Point of View by the narrator bodes well for this hotel mystery which was known to be occupied by ghosts.

*Element of Conflict The role and appearance of Dr. Bronus provided the element of conflict in this story.

*Climax What a relief to know the good guys won in the end.

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue makes the characters alive and moves the story. It puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author making him/her participate in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Intriguing creative mystery story. Almost realistic and relatable because we are superstitious as humans. We are drawn to stories, tales, and anecdotes that are beyond our human comprehension. Unarguably, in the back of our minds, we believe unseen spirits exist and live among us.

Keep writing, brom21.


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11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Jim, you got me confused. In the first scene, Vince was in a coma and Judy was concerned about whether Vince would survive or not. Towards the end of that scenario, there was a possibility that Vince would recover, right? But Judy sort of lost her hope that Vince would recover which resulted in her losing consciousness.

Then the next scene shows Vince asking the doctor if Judy would be fine. Now, it's Judy who is in a coma, right? In fact, he was relating to the doctor about how Judy got hurt from the accident during their drive. It looks like at some point Vince did recover to see Judy going through what he went through.

But Vince was not all there yet. He must still be weak and or groggy to attribute Judy's comatose to the accident and not to his own ordeal to survive. What a strange twist you created!

Did I get it right?


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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Joy:

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Just swinging by Read and Review and this essay caught my wandering eye. So, I'll stop in and give this a read and a review. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I admire the great perspective and point of view you're sharing here to inspire your reader.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation and the nitty-gritty of composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[you [should have your goals clear in your mind. [Typo? The first letter of the first word of a sentence is always capitalized.]

you [to need] prepare yourself, [Fix: you need to prepare yourself,]

and a longing to [be be ] or [have] done better. Fix: [and a longing to be or has done better,]

*Dialogue
Dialogue may be helpful but not necessary in this exercise. So I'll skip making a comment on this feature.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I like the way you express your perspective and point of view regarding the importance of hard work if one has to attain success. A lot of times, and I must say I'm guilty as well when there are times my laziness or apathy or comfort zone takes over my resourcefulness and determination to allow laziness to take control. So there lies my failure. Thank you for waking us up and making us go for the prize.

Write away, Joy. You have the ability to put words into paper and I commend you for your spirit.


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13
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Naomi:

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Just passing through Read and Review and saw this piece that caught my attention.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting I recommend following the standard formatting when writing essays, such as having a beginning, middle, and end.

*Content There is a potential for this essay to sparkle in its poignancy relatable to the reader. My recommendation: Organize the body of your essay with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

The beginning should clearly state what the issue is that confronted you and prompted you to offer your piece of mind. Then, in the middle, share your comments and recommendations showing your positive approach to health and life. The conclusion will then wrap up the overall purpose of the message you have presented.

Spelling When in doubt, consult the dictionary for spellings. Look over your write-up before clicking SEND. Do not rely on auto-spellcheck. A lot of times it changes your spelling and takes your content on a tangent.

deminish [replace with correct spelling: diminish]

*Dialogue
I'll skip this feature with this exercise as it may not be necessary to use in an essay.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the formatting and organization of an essay. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Keep writing. You have the zeal and enthusiasm to put words into the printed page. Your constant practice exercise revolving around reading, writing, and revising will pay off in the end.


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14
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Review of Next Radar  
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Next Radar:

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Just stopping by looking for something to read and review on a quiet Friday night.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting
For clarity and readability, observe proper formatting. Readers read for enjoyment and entertainment. With that being said, reading one blurb is onerous and taxing to your reader. Paragraphing and spacing are essential elements in writing (whether formal or informal) to be understood and to be taken seriously. This is especially true if your goal is to be published one day.

Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well.
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line. (Some published writers suggest double spacing between paragraphs.)

*Content
There is potential to make this narrative sparkle to hook a reader if it is formatted as explained above.

You have a good command of the written language which is commendable.
I will not delve into the nitty-gritty in writing such as:
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling
and will merely focus on Formatting inasmuch as that is basically what is missing in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you improve the presentation of your manuscript relating to the Format in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I can see the technicality of the content of this manuscript which may be intriguing to those who are technology savvy. But in order to hook your reader and keep their interest till the end, formatting must follow the norm. Try revising this and observing the rules in organizing the write-up that is easy to follow. Readability is essential to readers.

Keep writing, reading, and revising. Follow the pattern in formatting from what you're reading. You'll be glad you did.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Angel:

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Just passing through on a cold and rainy night to find something to do and I stopped in to take a read and give you some input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well developed in its format.

*Content
Nice perspective and introspection on oneself transforming from childhood to becoming a woman.

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax and the nitty-gritty of composition is concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[in ]one sunny day [on][Replace preposition]

I got lost [ few] times, [I got lost [a]few times][Insert article a.]

[But but] scared heart whispered, [Is duplicating the word "but" intentional? If not, I deleted it]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. You might create a conversation between the little girl and the grown woman such as arguing or agreeing with each other to put action into your story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Nice write-up. I like the way you discovered yourself along your journey and found the answer to who cradled who: was it the little girl or the grown woman? Very intriguing perspective and point of view.

Write away, Angel. You have the talent to organize your profound thoughts and put them into a page.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Marvelous Friend:

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Just passing through and was intrigued by this narrative you presented.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
I like your conversational style of writing.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
You have a good command of the written word. Your punctuations are almost flawless. I can see you're doing your homework before posting. Polishing your work before clicking SEND really makes a difference in the output. Your audience will appreciate your attention to readability and clarity.

*Point of View (POV)
Your use of the first-person Point of View bodes well for this narrative.

Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for observing the nitty-gritty in the art of presenting numbers:
13 years old [thirteen-years-old]
3 times in a row [three times in a row]
5 years [five years]

Presentation of numbers:
Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers.

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:

1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

2) When numbers are used frequently such as in useful business-related, technical, and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled-out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.

3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business, and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, and aged ninety-seven.

4) Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

*Dialogue
Your conversational style of writing makes this narrative engaging as you're addressing your audience directly on a one-on-one basis.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thanks for sharing this personal experience which is poignant and relatable with everyone. I for one hate myself for using a not-too-pleasant word when I am disappointed with myself or with others around me. I have prayed and tried to drop this ugly epithet from my vocabulary but it seems to stick around like tar or glue. Thanks for this reminder.

Finally, write away. You have the talent for writing. Glad to know you're using it for the glory of our Lord and Redeemer.


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17
17
Review of Sunset Mountain  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Amay:

I was intrigued by how your story started and I was hooked. As I was following the story from what the letter revealed, I was hoping and praying, she would be pleased with his reasons for his silence. Unfortunately, I was disappointed.

Oh, what a sad ending. I was hoping she would reconsider and give her husband the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance to redeem himself. After all, she's carrying the gift of life inside her, belonging to both of them.

Keep writing. You have the talent for wordsmithing.


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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute. Delightful encounter with your blind date, albeit kind of short, and ended abruptly. Nice to know you're not pulling down the shade.

First question: How did it proceed after that first meeting?
Next question: Still together with the relationship being nurtured and growing?
Final question: Engaged or have you tied the knot?

I'm curious and delightfully interested to know the ending of the story.

I am impressed at how you employed dialogue and brought life and action to this short story.
Well done, jackiesmuse.

Keep writing.


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19
19
Review of Behind the scenes  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hyperiongate:
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I'm at a loss in rendering my input with this piece because I'm not familiar with what is called "flash fiction." Therefore, I will not go deep into finding what is and isn't kosher in the formatting, mechanics, and content of this manuscript. Suffice it to say that I'm getting a big kick out of the exchange between these two characters clowning around.

All these topics enumerated below I do not deem applicable to this exercise. So I'll skip them and go to the next topic which is dialogue.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict
*Climax
Spelling

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue works perfectly in this exercise. It shows your characters interacting with each other continuously giving your story life and action. Great work implementing the magic of dialoguing.

*Disclaimer
Like I indicated at the outset, I'm not familiar with "flash fiction". I'm not going to tackle the burden of checking into the format of the manuscript with a fine tooth comb.

*Over-all take away Thanks for sharing this humorous piece.
Gosh, these two were acting like stooges, weren't they? Very funny.

Love your style of writing. Keep it up.

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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,tails doll:

I'm just passing through and stopped to take a read on this exercise.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting

I am going to concentrate on the Formatting issue for this exercise. So brace yourself.
If you're doing this writing exercise with the hope of improving your writing and eventually hitting the publishing goal, you need to format your manuscript.

What is formatting?
Formatting is how your manuscript looks. This includes paragraphing, spacing, font size, how numbers are written out, etc.
This exercise shows one paragraph that covers the whole manuscript. Try to redo and show changes in tone and scenes by separating each one into a paragraph. Think about your reader. Will he understand this the way it is written or will be get confused? Most likely, the reader will skip this work and go to another one that is easier to read; delightfully entertaining, and a page-turner.

*Content
Like I suggested above, this story would be entertaining if you formatted it according to the conventional and fundamental rules of writing.

*Dialogue
Let your dialogue stand out by putting them in a separate paragraph. The life of your story is in the dialogue and you want to attract your reader with how your characters interact with each other.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away There is a potential to this story. May I suggest you go back and redo this work observing proper formatting? It's work but you'll be pleased with yourself when you can see improvement in your writing exercise.

Keep writing and read materials that will enhance your writing interest. It's worth all your while. I promise you.


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21
21
Review of Thursday  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, SaltybutCutee:

QueenOwl is just passing through and was intrigued by this poem you wrote.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
I don't normally review poems because I feel the poet is expressing an emotion only she can describe and present. Therefore, I'm not in a position to critique the format of this poem. Suffice it to say that it follows a pattern and that's good enough for me.


*Content
Wow! This is powerful. I'd like to know what the significance is of being a Thursday for him juxtaposed with the other days of the week.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and all the nitty-gritty in composition goes, I only noticed one slip up that needs correction, which I cut and pasted here below:

Today was the day that I sat in the floor and counted my scars,[Replace with on the floor]

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away My heart goes out to the author of this poem. It projects deep emotional revelation that we hide as a well-kept secret. I am pleased to see that you are letting out this deep-seated emotions come through. It is therapeutic and a panacea for a wounded heart.

Keep writing, SaltybutCutee. Let it out and you will heal in no time at all.


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22
22
for entry "Colorado Springs" 
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Jim, when are you going to be back in Southern California again? Do let me know if that’s in this year’s long range schedule. Would love to meet up for a lunch date again.
Take care. God bless. I see you’ve been all over the map all year round.
Happy New Year.
23
23
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alayna:

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I'm so privileged and honored to read this manuscript and offer you my input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I cannot make heads or tails from this narrative inasmuch as it's only a sliver of a bigger story and I have no background to base my point of view on how the story began and progressed. All I can do is look at sentence constructions, the use of punctuation marks, and an overall analysis of this chapter.

*Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation
You have a good command of the written English language. All you need to do to improve your presentation is to watch out for nuances in the use of techniques to enhance your manuscript. Below are examples of what I am referring to:

[Rule in the presentation of time]
Use A.M. (or a.m.) and P.M. (or p.m.) only after the times of day is presented in numeral form (8 A.M.; 3:35 P.M.). Never write early in the A.M. or late in the P.M. or A.M. in the morning or 4 P.M. in the afternoon.

1:11 am, 5 am. [1:11 a.m.],[5 a.m.]

Spelling
[Maye] if you just give Damon the crystal, it'll be over." [Is "Maye" a typo? Maybe?]

*Dialogue
Telling vs. Showing (The power of dialogue)
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Try to humanize your characters by introducing them to the reader on how they talk, and how they act in their own words. Dialogue not only breaks the monotony of narration; it brings life and movements that make your story pop, sizzle, and dazzle. Take advantage of the opportunity to show your characters. Make them take the place of telling.
In short: Dialogues are effective in showing instead of telling.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Keep writing, reading, and revising. It's the way for your manuscript to land for publication.

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24
24
Review of The Man Next Door  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Angel:
shared superpower image
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done for a short narrative.

*Content It's good to see Officers who are tolerant of false alarms which wastes their time over nothing when they have other serious priorities to handle. We don't see them too often.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability according to conventional standards in American-English writing:

There would always be[ 3 ]screams,
[Replace figure with word: three]

Presentation of Numbers: Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers.

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:

1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

2) When numbers are used frequently such as in useful business-related, technical, and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.


"Okay, thank you for your [call."] the operator said, and Jack hung up. [Replace period with comma]

"False alarm, [boys."] the chief said before getting back in his cruiser. [Replace period with a comma.]

See: Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lower case to make a complete sentence.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. The reader is in the head of the narrator, character, or author as the story moves along.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall take away Good writing exercise, Angel. Keep up the good work.


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25
25
Review of TEN LITTLE WORDS  
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, S Spark:
shared superpower image
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Good formatting for a short non-fiction narrative.

*Content I admire the strength and resolute spirit your mother possessed. Her positive approach to life, with always a smile on her face, that hides aches and pains only she bears, is a testament of grace and faith coming from an unknown superpower up in the heaven of heavens. Would to God we all have the same strength to weather away the storms of life coming our way unannounced, unwelcome, and unwanted.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuationgo, you have a good command of the written language to your credit. It's a delight to read a manuscript with no infractions in this area. It makes for a smooth reading. Thanks.

*Point of View (POV) This is basically the narrator's point of view, which is you, the daughter. It's a good practice to limit yourself to one perspective character per scene, meaning, staying on a single point of view per scene. That means no switching POV characters within the same scene, let alone within the same paragraph or sentence. You have done this skillfully in this exercise. Good job.

*Element of Conflict No matter how she fought your dad, you, and the doctor about her condition, everybody knew what the outcome was. It was no surprise; albeit, unpleasant to hear and accept reality.

*Climax Yes. She did have cancer but she accepted it gracefully, with a smile that defied the inevitable destiny.

Spelling I see no spelling typos that could have caused my brows to wrinkle.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. The reader is in the head of the narrator, character, or author as the story moves along.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can encourage you in your writing endeavor. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Wow! This is powerful. It put shrivers up my spine.
Keep writing poignant and inspirational family events and experiences. That's what I do as well.


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