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1
1
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,Tee:

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Thank you for having confidence in me to do a review of this manuscript and to offer you my input. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

First and foremost, I do have to give you full disclosure regarding Script/Screenwriting. Although I have a little background with this format, I have not attempted to write one at all. My scope of knowledge is limited at best. This is going to be a learning experience for us both. Fair enough?

Formatting
Well formatted.

*Content
To borrow Kathy Mackel's words in her article Screenwriting vs. Prose, she said, "Film is the ultimate in the "show, don't tell" category of good writing. In prose, the writer uses words to suggest images, sounds, and feelings, but the reader ultimately creates the life of the story in his or her own head. In film, the camera removes any doubt about the beauty of a sunset or the horror of a battle. You don't imagine it - you see it."

You have demonstrated a good portrayal of the three characters in this screenplay. Each actor is a star in his/her own way which contributed to the life and action as the story moves along and hooks the reader from beginning to end.

I also want to point out that cliches are frowned upon by editors, proofreaders, and agents, but you have used it here cleverly. I like it. I use cliches sparingly. I only use it if it will enhance the reader's understanding of what I am trying to convey.

SPENCER: I’m not a mind reader for crying out loud!
AARON: For crying out loud?
SPENCE: Yes?
AARON: Have you really been crying out loud, Doctor?
SPENCER: Yes, inwardly. You do not see your attitude would really make one shout out loud?
AARON: Sorry, I’m only very tense.. [Make sure you have three dots with your ellipsis]
SPENCER: Anyway, one says “for crying out loud” just for emphasis.
[Anyway, just a minor fix: For quotation inside a quotation, replace your "double quotation marks" with 'single quotation marks.'

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict,*Climax, and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and conciseness:

Spelling nuance between British English and American English. Depending on who your audience is, it's probably worth your while to make a distinction on what spelling to use.

criticise [criticize]
energising [energizing]

[The following look acceptable in American English but using z instead of s is preferable.

[prioritise][prioritize]
[socialising][socializing]
[realised] [realized]
[fantasising][fantazising]

phantasmagorical [I am learning this new word from you today and I like the sound of it. Never seen it used before.]

Presentation of Numbers
Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

6 and 10.30 a.m. [6 A.M. and 10:30 A.M.]

1 minute [one minute]
10 minutes [ten minutes]

When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.
Ratio 1 to 10. [Ratio one to ten.]

It depends on how my previous days [goes][go].


Use single punctuation marks for quotation inside a quotation

“You have too many plans, you are too ambitious, all of this within 24 hours? Reduce your agenda by one-tenth.”

AARON: Yes, time passes too fast as if saying, 'You have too many plans, you are too ambitious, all of this within 24 hours? Reduce your agenda by one-tenth.' I wonder why Nature hasn’t made it possible to expand time. There should be more than 24 hours in one day.

[24 hours.][twenty-four hours.] Same rule as above. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

"...so that I will be able[to][Insert] do everything on my schedules?"

May be one of them, [Maybe is one word.]


[Please may I just intercede on his behalf?][Please, may I just intercede on his behalf?] [Insert a comma]

As he stands, I could not possibly get through to him, [do][done] [I all] could. [done all I could.]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word.
Just pointing this out to you inasmuch as this convention is widely violated.

But I told you not to ask Dr. Spencer for “some sympathy”?

I would gladly [to] leave the room now and then if you would not like me [to] hear your whispers. [I'm not sure if you intentionally used the preposition to in the first part of the sentence and omitted it in the last part of the sentence to show how Dr. Spencer talks. So, I am merely suggesting how the sentence should appear grammatically correct.]


*Dialogue
Screenwriting indeed employs dialogue to capture images of how your characters interact with each other. Some observers say they get a lot out of reading a book compared to watching a movie from the book they read.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the twists and turns with Aaron and Spencer's therapy session if I can call it that. Aaron's hardline approach to Dr. Spencer's suggestions and recommendations was simply solved with financial motivation offered by Linda. The title of this screenplay is justified by its climax. Money talks, right? Good job, Tee.

Keep up with your creativity in screenwriting. You have what it takes to become a screenwriter. It sounds to me you are there already as this exercise speaks for itself. The only caveat I see is to know where you're marketing it. I believe the Brits wouldn't have any problem with your British version of spellings. On the other hand, if you're marketing it in the USA, what you can do is modify them to fit the American-English version. Here's a suggestion: Produce two versions. That way you're ready to present it when the opportunity arises where you are asked to submit a sample in the USA.


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2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Phantom: I see one spelling mishap in this poem.

See second line: Replace their with there.

The rest is fine.


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3
3
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Huntersmoon:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your Comedy piece titled, A Tarragon of Virtue.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Format
Well organized and easy to follow.

*Content
Entertaining adventure with a mix of funny and interesting characters.

As far as *Mechanics,,*Syntax,*Punctuation,
*Point of View (POV),*Element of Conflict,*Climax, and other nitty-gritty of writing composition go, they are all well-put. There were only a couple of areas where a minor fix may be needed as the snippets I cut and pasted here show:

I'm not alone,, [Why are there two commas here? Typo?]

Not the type where you feel [you] you've been there before, [Delete extra word]

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Live-action is seen in the exchange of chitter-chatter among the participants. Makes the adventure real with all the adversities they had to go through to survive.

*Disclaimer

*Over-all take away
I enjoyed being with this shipwrecked wild bunch immensely. I felt I was in on the tete-a-tete, repartees, and craziness. By the way, if the "groans floating across the water were not necessarily from the food," where did they come from? Can you answer that or do you just leave that to the reader's fertile imagination?

Thank you for a good laugh today, Huntersmoon.

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4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, SilverMoon:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece re Comedy.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
You started your narrative by stating you told your sisters you were planning a trip to Kingman, Arizona. In the next paragraph, you were in Arizona with some company as you changed your POV from I to We. Who was with you? Your sisters or someone else? Something is missing in the shuffle here. You might consider filling the blank for clarity and readability.

For instance, were your siblings excited and expressed their desire to join you on the trip, no ifs or buts? Or, were they hesitating but decided to go with you anyway for a new adventure? These tidbits can be easily glossed over but they are necessary to add bells and whistles to your story.

So did you google KOA campground to find out if what your sister said really took place?
Oh, you called the campground management and were relieved to know nothing of that nature happened there.

You could have caught your sister's exaggeration just to pull your leg when she said this:
"...where all those people who camped there got killed."

I bet, your sister was pleased with herself and laughing her head off to know you took the bait, hook, line, and sinker, right? Oddly, when you decided to take the trip with your sister, you never made it there because you were affected by what your sister said. I can surmise in the back of your mind the image of a killer or killers gave you the creeps and stopped you cold from proceeding there. In the end, all's well that ends well, right?

So, for my inquisitive mind, after this incident, did you ever go camping again, tent and all? Or was that the end of all your camping saga? You might want to do a sequel to this story. Just make it up. Be creative. That's what we are: creative writers!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict,*Climax, Spelling and all those nitty-gritty in English composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need revising or tweaking for clarity and readability:

"Are you crazy?["] she said, "They all died!" [Insert missing close quotation mark.]

KOA Campground

Abbreviations
Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.


I see some spelling typos/nuances [intentional and/or unintentional] here and there such as:
thier [their]
realise [realize]
[We talked about this in your previous submission. I understand this spelling is acceptable in UK, Canada, and Australia. It is not recognized as a standard spelling in the USA. So, it's probably good to keep in mind who your audience/reader is and use the spelling familiar to them. More importantly, agents, editors, and publishers are sticklers for these violations. They frown on it. Once they spot them, your submission will land in the Rejection Box. It's something to consider when the time comes for you to submit your work for publication.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. And I see your skill in the use of punctuation marks in dialogues. I am impressed. I don't see this often enough in my reviews of other writer's submissions. I see lots of inconsistencies. Most likely, just unsure of where to put those squigglies.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Good to see you're plunging into your writing journey. The only way we can validate our love for writing is to spend time writing.

Write away, SilverMoon. You're good for it.


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5
5
Review of Dear Me: 2021  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, LightinMind:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your Dear Me:2021 literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
I like your format and presentation. Good outlining and instructional.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and all other nitty-gritty in writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Since you already have 500 plus reviews under your belt and were the most credited reviewer on writing.com[,][delete comma] for the last two months running, you seem to be on the right track here.

Presentation of Numbers:
aim for a realistic 5 [five]reviews
they are simply 5 [five]star
and 3 [three]fails
Using all 5 [five]senses

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:
1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical, and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.


*Dialogue
I see you're giving Dear Me a seminar. Hopefully, he's receptive to the point-by-point presentation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like how well-organized you are in your thinking process. Keep up the good work you're doing. Success is within your reach when you put your heart and soul to its fruition.

Write away, LightinMind. You're on your way to see your By-line closer than you may imagine.


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6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, MissL102:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over Chapter 3 section- Apartment of your literary submission.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
I see this is an ongoing story divided into chapters. Is each chapter a stand-alone, a short story of its own, if you will, where the reader does not have to go back to previous chapters to look for missing data for continuity in answer to Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why? It would be a challenge to pursue but it will be well worth a try.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and other nitty-gritty in writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Unfortunately, I knew my target, too, and now that I know she moonlights as [a][Insert article] prostitute I’ll never look at her the same way again… [See Use of ellipsis]

My parents were hoping I’d follow in [my Dad’s][dad's] footsteps,but [that][that's] life;

[1st[[First] editions [Use words in formal writing.]

I had an 11am11:00 A.M., a 1pm [ 1 P.M.]eat-in lunch, and a 4pm [4 P.M.] just before the end of the day.

Presentation of numbers:
Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M., 12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

I wonder where this one will lead..

Uses of Ellipsis: Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and beat the monotony of straight narration. For instance, instead of telling the reader your assistant gave you notes on who your clients will be for the day, do a dialogue exchange between you and your assistant in your last paragraph.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I couldn't wait to flip the page over to the next chapter. I want to see you exchanging pleasantries with each client with actual words being spoken. Hope you will not disappoint my expectation.

Write away, MissL102. You can do it. You have it in you.

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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, MissL102:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over Chapter 2 section-Grandma of your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting /*Content
In the first four paragraphs, I was looking for a transition from sleeping and dreaming to telling the dream. I was not sure where the author's telling of the dream began. It might help to make a distinct transition between sleeping and dreaming to waking up to tell the story.

When you woke up in your bed smelling pancakes and the aroma of coffee brewing in the kitchen, was that the beginning of your dream, or, was that the time you woke up from your dream and now you are going to show your grandma making pancakes as the opening scene of your dream?

I find this a little bit awkward and it made me pause. Perhaps you can introduce your telling of your dream with the introductory phrase in the second paragraph, "In my dream, I woke up to the smell of pancakes and aroma of coffee brewing which lead me to the kitchen where an elderly lady was flipping pancakes..."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling and all those nitty-gritty in writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

I know your Mother [mother] and Father [father] have given you what information they can,[Do not use upper case for mother and father when a pronoun precedes them.]

“I am a Mind Seer[.] [,]” my Grandma grandma stated.[Same rule as mother and father above.] [There are two issues in this sentence. 1) Attribution is part of the sentence. Use comma instead of a period to complete the sentence.
In effect, the sentence would read this way: ["I am a Mind Seer," my grandma stated.]

2) Use lower case for mother, father, grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, etc. when they are preceded by a pronoun.

"...when you were around 9," [See rule in the presentation of numbers]

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:
When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business, and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Caveat: Make them shorter and conversational. Long-winded dialogue sounds unnatural and stilted.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Good exercise, MissL102. Keep up the good work.

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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, LightinMind:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece titled, My Anchor in Stormy Times. (I think I'll classify this under Horror for the purpose of our March Raid.)

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
Well written, LightinMind. So apropos. So relatable to what's been going on for the last twelve months we have been subjected to and made to suffer in the name of political gain.

As fellow-believers in Jesus Christ, we do have an anchor when the storms of life find us stranded in the highways and byways of life. This makes me sing my favorite song, Will Your Anchor Hold. In part, it says,
"We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll.
Fastened to the rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love."


What comfort. What joy to know who our anchor is.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,*Point of View (POV)
*Element of Conflict,*Climax,Spelling and all other nitty-gritty in writing go, this, to me, is flawless, except for one minor caveat:
You see, I've been taught referring to the Bible as the Holy Scriptures, it is a proper noun and the first letter must be in upper case.

as the bible [Bible]says.

*Dialogue
Because you classified this as a Short Story genre, employing dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other would make them alive and real to the reader. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and move the story along. As it is presented, it is more of an essay than a short story.
(Because of this I deducted a full point off the 5-Star rating. I hope you don't mind.)

*Disclaimer
Do keep in mind my observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. Other reviewers may differ from mine and that's something you must also consider.

*Over-all take away
I do still like the premise of this exercise. Some may see it as preachy but I can appreciate the message this sermon conveys. That's because we have a meeting of the minds having the Lord Jesus Christ at the center of our personal lives.

Write away, LightinMind.

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9
9
Review of THE STONES  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Robert:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Appropriate for this genre.

*Content
Such a sad lament from a broken heart. Your sentiment reminds me of Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem, To a Skylark with the paragraph I memorized from my Literature class in HS many, many moons ago,

"We look before and after,
and pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought."

So pleased to know you have broken free from your sorrows to move on and never give up.
Hang on to the assurance that as long as we have life, we have hope for a better tomorrow.

When it comes to poetry, I tend to ignore the *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the rest of the nitty-gritty in writing poetry go. My attitude on poetry is – I just soak it in and put myself in the poet’s place. I wouldn’t dare make corrections or modifications because the poet’s deepest sentiments belong to him/her alone. Except for some glaring skirmish in mechanics, such as possible typos or unintentional misspellings, perhaps, I might suggest the traditional or conventional choice.

That being said, I found one that may need your attention, if this spelling is a mere typo and unintentional:

Voices [wisper][whisper?] within my slumber [I'm not sure if this spelling is intentional or a typo.]

By the way, I would not deduct half a point on your rating for this minor typo (if it is indeed a typo. 5-Star it is for this masterpiece.)

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten minor loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Your sentiment is a phenomenon so poignant and apropos for the crushed and grief-stricken. What is comforting to the reader is to see the fighting spirit within you which will carry you through.

Keep writing, Robert. It's therapeutic. It's cathartic. It refreshes the downtrodden spirit and carries us into lofty heights of comfort, peace, and bliss. See, by writing and submitting your poetry here, you're not talking to a pile of stones anymore. You are getting feedback from readers who can sympathize and empathize with you. Your battle is won!

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10
10
Review of ALONE  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Robert:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your poetic piece titled, Alone.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Appropriate for this genre.

*Content
How sad. The pang of separation is indeed difficult to face. Be not dismayed. The night may be long, dark, and dreary but there's joy in the morning. Do you have faith and believe in God who will lift you up and give you a new dimension in your life after the dark cloud of breaking up passes by? Chin up, Robert. Your troubles are passing. The sun will rise again for you.

Let me tell you. I lost my dearly beloved husband a year and a half ago. May 25, 2019, to be exact. I had mixed feelings. On one side, I was sad and felt so alone because we were married for forty-six years; yet, happy in knowing he is going to a glorious heavenly mansion with the Lord.

When I look back, I only see the beautiful memories we shared. I still have a longing for him to be around so we can comfort each other and laugh together. It's not going to happen. What I know for sure is: I will follow him and we'll have a grand reunion up there.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the rest of the nitty-gritty in writing poetry go, there are only a couple of snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Forsaken by my [lovers][lover's] hand [Insert apostrophe to show possessive noun.]

Our Memories [tare][tear] right through my skin [From the context, I think the spelling is tear not tare.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre.

*Disclaimer
Let me point out that to me poems are sacred. They are heartfelt. I wouldn't want to intrude into the inner recesses of a poet's heart. Caveat: I hope you wouldn't mind me deducting half a point from your rating because of the two minor fixes as indicated above.

*Over-all take away
Your poem is touching. It is poignant. It's a human need to be loved, wanted, and desired. I can relate. Nevertheless, take heart. The good and gracious Lord above will show you a way to be happy again. He always does.

Keep writing. It's therapeutic. It's cathartic. I know.

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11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Words Whirling 'Round:

Spring Raid sig
It's WDC Superpower March Raid! Here I come raiding your port and finding The Lighthouse Keeper to horrify and mystify with anticipation, this being my pick under H - for Horror.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done in this area. I have to point out using dummy squigglies like asterisk is a good way to show transitions and a space of time that passes from one scene to the next.

*Content
This horrifying ghost story did not disappoint. It included fascinating, enchanting, as well as terrifying scenes that raised the hair on my back and put me on my toes.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and Spelling go, this exercise is as flawless as flawless as I can see.

*Point of View (POV)
Great storytelling from a first person's POV.

*Element of Conflict This has added flavor to the story, making it more or less credible. I'm referring to the Captain's explanation in his letter where he has been all along and how he escaped people's curiosity.

*Climax I like the twist you finally revealed, showing the old guy at the end of the street from your house, who died a month earlier as Edward's ghost. I surmised this when Katie asked how you know so much about the legend. That was my first clue.

*Dialogue
I see you're adept in your use of ellipsis and quotation marks in your dialogues. I'm impressed. Although there were areas where I had to go back to clarify who was talking as dialogue tags were missing. Of course, there were instances where attributions were unnecessary to spell out.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Enchanting, fascinating, and hair-raising story. Great creativity and imagination. I hope you don't mind me deducting half a point from your rating. The narrative itself is superb. It's for the missing dialogue tags I was looking for to avoid pauses in finding out who was talking and to whom it was addressed.

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12
12
Review of Todd  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, writeon:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece re Comedy.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
This story has potential. Go back to the drawing board, so to speak, and polish it. It's worth your time and effort. You can make this hum, sizzle, and dazzle. I dare you.

As far as *Mechanic,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and other nitty-gritty of writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking/revising for clarity and readability:

"...when all of us would [gathered][gather] around..."
[Fix your tense]

"...our friend[,] Todd[,] the [steeping][sleeping] cat,..." [Fix the typo and insert commas where I showed them]

On some occasions[,] in full view of us[,] Todd would sometimes meow out loud while in his sleep dreaming of his missing toe. [Insert a comma after an introductory phrase and a subordinate clause.]

"...In [pasting] [passing] we had always reminded Todd..." [From the context, you mean "passing," right?]

"But with sleepy eyes [,][Insert comma] he would always [response] [respond] with,..."

[as] [As] always[,] after finishing his scrumptious meal[,] Todd would once again fall fast asleep, to dream of a tasty treat of a big pink fat salmon. [Always begin a sentence with an upper case for the first letter.]

*Dialogue
From what Todd said, when he responded, this cat doesn't just Meow. He either knows how to talk, and is eloquent at that, or the narrator is a mind-reader and a good interpreter, right? LOL.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This exercise needs extensive editing/proofreading. Try to clean your work as much as you can before posting. Readers read for entertainment. That being said, keep writing but mind your mechanics to delight your readers.

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13
13
Review of My life, My Wife.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,Bruce:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece re Romance.

I only have positive comments to give you with this masterpiece you created. You are both blessed to have each other during your lifetime. May you be a positive force for each other as long as you both shall live.

Formatting
Well done.

*Content
This is beautiful because it's heartfelt. So poignant and a delight to read. Thank you for sharing the summation of your romantic love story from beginning to end. What a beautiful journey. I love how you started from the jukebox and concluded at the jukebox. Great rhyming as well.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre.

*Over-all take away
Beautiful, delightful, and poignant. There is nothing I can change, modify, or delete from this lovely poem.

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14
14
Review of Cooper  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, writeon:

Spring Raid sig
WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece re Action/Adventure.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Format/Content
Make sure the three basic elements of a short story are built into your narrative: Beginning, Middle, and End.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling and the other nitty-gritty of writing go,here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"...to roam thrashing in [too] [to] remaining declining daylight." [Replace]

old fork lore [old folklore] Unless you spelled this intentionally and mean it this way.

Coopers thin fur coat [Cooper's thin fur coat] [Insert apostrophe to show possessive noun.]

It was clearly such a eventful [an eventful] evening when Cooper[,][Insert comma] the old blood hound[,][Insert comma] [bloodhound]decide without thought to ground his big wet nose to the moist ground to begin his nightly journey to wander the vast open fields in the dark night with his shimmering nose light. [Break this into two sentences.]

Also, don't forget your terminating periods at the end of the sentence.

*Dialogue
Being that this is an Action and Adventure story, try to employ dialogue showing Cooper interacting with his master, children, or other dogs at some point. I see you showed one scene where children reacted to Cooper's "flashing nose light." Do more of this scenario to hook your reader. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and can appreciate the unusual habits and activities Cooper is engaged in.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This story has great potential. Needs revision in some areas where there are run-on sentences. Keep writing and reading. More importantly, study the mechanics of what you're reading and use what you learned as a pattern.

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15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, LightinMind:
Spring Raid sig

WDC SuperPower MARCH Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece re MYTHOLOGY.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized.

*Content
Wow! What an innovative, creative and imaginary story. I am impressed at how your mind can create and/or concoct events and connect them to the traditional and modern practices brilliant minds have presented and readily accepted by the world at large. Indeed the mind can go as far as where imagination leads. I can see your mind is capable of such limitless creativity.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and all the other nitty-gritty of the written composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity:

Elves -Elf elves /elf is a common noun. Use lower case.

3 foot tall [ three-foot-tall], or in the alternative [3-foot-tall]
Presentation of Numbers
Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference has to say about the presentation of numbers.
1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.
2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.


'...like the "Grinch". ."
Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. This convention, however, is widely violated. Just thought I'll point this nuance out to you for reference in as much as I can see the British background in the art of writing is concerned.


AI technology - [Give a little background of what an AI technology is to avoid the reader from pausing and searching for an explanation.]

*Dialogue
Not necessarily applicable in this genre.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Great creation of mythology from an Irish perspective, personified by Legolas. I like the twists and turns you put your readers through to arrive at the destination you lead them to.

Write away, LightinMind. You have the wherewithal to shine in your wordsmithing endeavor.


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16
16
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Odessa,

This contest sounds interesting. Where's your March prompt? I'd like to participate.

QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Hank:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep a retired person like me occupied. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
For clarity and readability, observe proper formatting. Readers read for enjoyment and entertainment. With that being said, reading one blurb is onerous and taxing to your reader. Paragraphing and spacing are essential elements in writing (whether formal or informal) to be understood and to be taken seriously. This is especially true if your goal is to be published one day.

Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well.

*Content
I like your stream of consciousness spilling out what constitutes the soul of a writer. These qualities may not be true for every writer but it sure is true for some. It boils down to the degree of involvement one has with his calling and his relationship with others around him or her.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and Spelling go,
here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"and don’t even get me started on their soul…"
"what fears and dreams are made of…"
"not even if it’s their birthday…"
"and there’s always something they want to say behind it…"
"they have a dozen books prepared to be read…"

The examples above fall under Uses of Ellipsis:
I see this exercise is saturated with ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.


3 am [3:00 A.M.]
Presentation of Numbers
Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Keep writing, Hank. You'll learn a lot as you write more and read more.


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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,SWPoet:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done.

*Content
I minored in Psychology in my undergraduate studies. I find the study of the mind and psyche intriguing. Your story has aroused my curiosity and hooked me. I was following along closely until I stumbled into how the project proceeded. I went back to reread the story all over again because I was confused as the testing progressed. Initially, I understood Emma wanted Ronnie to perform the testing on Paul for her to know what is in Paul's psyche. She wanted to read Paul's mind to ascertain how serious he is in his proposal for marriage. I get that. I got lost when Emma wanted Ronnie to wake up. Did Ronnie fall asleep in the middle of the procedure? Did Emma want Ronnie to continue the procedure? Obviously. But the twist is: Are Ronnie and Paul the same person? Did the young woman lab technician take over Ronnie while Ronnie took a nap? The dialogue among the characters needs tweaking and clarifying so the reader can follow along. Perhaps a transition is needed to distinguish who the actors are and what each role is in the scenario.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and Spelling go,
here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

He’ll wake up in the morning with no knowledge[of] my little experiment.”

A women, a sour smell,[Replace with "A woman," or "Women."]

Gluing electodes.[misspelling for electrodes.]

First thing's first.[Delete apostrophe.]

*Dialogue
Good employment dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This exercise has great potential. Take a closer look and do some tweaking to make it hum, sizzle, and dazzle. I can see your creative talent is there to hone and shine. Go for the gusto!


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19
19
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Laza0001265,

Thank you for the heads up. The scammers are not doing their dirty tricks in UK only. Their activities are massive in the US as well. I know. I’ve been a victim of their fraudulent schemes.

I have reported my incident to FTC and local Police as recommended. I know it will take a long indefinite period to apprehend these fraudsters but I have done my civic duty to put a paper trail for reference and evidence.

These people have no conscience nor qualms in chasing after fast money from unsuspecting prey.

Once again, I want you to know I appreciate your concern. Keep up the great work you’re doing in making the public aware that evildoers lurk wherever opportunity is within their reach.



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20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, J. Legacy:

~ Click here to join a fun group ~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to random Read and Review with Old Mirror waving at me for attention. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
There is a missing element about this mirror that I cannot wrap around my head. If it's an heirloom, it's a familiar object the narrator has seen before. There must be something unusual about this mirror that makes the sixteen-year-old horrified by its mere existence.

The odd thing about this story is that the secret was never revealed. I seem to think this teen-ager was imagining things and her imagination run wild.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability
:
16th [Birthday,] [birthday,]

[I’m awoken by a whisper of someone saying my name.“
Sarah, are you there? We need your help, Sarah.”]

[Minor typo. Move open quotation mark from the previous sentence to beginning of the second sentence.]

"Sarah, Sarah honey, wake up, you’re having a nightmare!" says Mom urgently. [Format this as a direct quote as it is sounding.]

“Thanks, [mom] [Mom].”

What was so unusual about the mirror that it caused you to have a nightmare? Was it a battery-powered talking mirror? That reminds me of my husband's collection of Christmas battery-powered gadgets being put away in the closet after the holidays. I was looking for something in the closet one day and as I was moving boxes, I hear talking and singing. It startled me and gave me goosebumps. Silly me. They were just animated toys that activate when touched or moved.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I can appreciate your nightmares.
How our imagination can run wild, indeed.

Write away, J. Legacy. You're on your way to bigger and better writing projects I can see.

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21
21
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, Krago:

~ Click here to join a fun group ~
WDC SuperPower Winter Fun Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your story. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Your encounter with a supernatural visitor gave me goosebumps. And to answer your question: I don't believe in the supernatural or in angels. Should I? My answer to you is: Yes, you should because God works in mysterious ways, which are far beyond all human comprehension. And, we are to show hospitality to strangers inasmuch as we unknowingly entertain angels sent from heaven for comfort and guidance. Hebrews 13:2 The Bible is replete with stories about encounters with angels saving lives. So, thank your guardian angel with every breath you have for sparing your precious life from the scalpel of a physician's misdiagnosis.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks and other elements in good writing go, here are snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability.

Presentation of Numbers:
9 a.m.[9 A.M.]
1 p.m.[1 P.M.]
4 p.m.[4 P.M.]
8:00 p.m. [8:00 P.M.]
15 minutes [fifteen minutes]

NOTE: A.M. (Ante Meridian - occuring before noon) and P.M. - (Post Meridian - period after 12 noon and midnight) are presented in capital letters.

Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers.

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:

1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical, and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.

3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business, and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

4) Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

I said: [,] "Yes please," [Replace colon with a comma when making attributions in direct quotations.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing the actual conversation between you and the essential players in your story. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and stay with the engaging exchange from beginning to end.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for sharing your incredible visit with a stranger that ultimately saved your precious life. Praise the Lord.

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22
22
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, kbabgfd:
~ Click here to join a fun group ~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Fantastic story. Perhaps it can draw more interest if the main characters are engaged in dialogue instead of being narrated by a third person. Would you consider a revision with a show-and-tell version? Worth a try? I would love to take a second look if you go that route.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks , Spelling and other nitty-gritty go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness and readability:

I. Introduction
Presentation of Numbers: When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.

"...a war between [2] [two] clan..."
"...a war between those [[2] [two] vindictive tribes..."

Her home is far from the village since she is certainly a powerful but above all clumsy fairy. [Two ways to fix this sentence:
1) Her home is far from the village since she is certainly a powerful but [above all] a clumsy fairy.
2) Her home is far from the village since she is certainly [a ] powerful but above all [a] clumsy fairy.

2. The Encounter:
Those ears are pretty long and pointy at the top and both [wears] [wear] golden earring at their lobe.

3. The Conversation:
"Take a [sit] [seat]!" she offers, noticing your catalepsy. [ I was going to give you a pass on this misspelling because it's a dialogue and it may be the way this character talks; but, if this is not intentional on the part of the narrator, the correct usage is seat.

You didn't think she was at this [ point... and yet...:]
[Uses of Ellipsis: Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

Second, to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.]

4. The Preparation:
You see her taking a deep breath, before suddenly saying [: ] [,] "Well! I have things to do. [Replace colon with comma. I see this pattern used throughout the whole manuscript]

5. Armistice
After you're well locked inside. She returns to her side of the table and kneels down. [To eliminate the fragment of the first sentence, consider revising by combining the two sentences into one:

After you're well locked inside, she returns to her side of the table and kneels down.

wich [typo for which]

"It is not for you to go [there.] [,]" she says with her mother tone, [Replace period with comma.]

6. An Unexpected Guest
Punctuation marks need fixing in this area where direct quotations are employed.

Attribution
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Use lower case (for pronoun) to complete the sentence.

7-12 show the same or similar violations in the application of punctuation marks. The whole manuscript needs polishing.

*Dialogue
I believe this story can pop, sizzle, and dazzle if more dialogue is employed rather than straight narration. Narration becomes monotonous and puts the reader to sleep.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away As I mentioned above, this story can pop, sizzle, and dazzle with characters interacting with each other with their own words instead of coming from a narrator's point of view.


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23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute, Sum1.

I learned quite a few obsolete but new words for me from your poem today. One that stands out is formication. I thought it was a misspelling. I had to consult my sidekick, dictionary.com. Son of the morning! It is a legit word! What a tingling sensation indeed to add this to my vocabulary; albeit, ancient or antiquated? LOL.


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24
24
Review of The snowy day  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, K.HBey:

~ Click here to join a fun group ~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Winter Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Having lived in Connecticut that lasted six wicked winters, I know what you're talking about when on a beautiful sunshiny day, snowstorm, sleet, and ice can ruin ones' best-laid plans outdoors. The beauty of it is: Thank your lucky stars, you're able to tell your story.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and the nitty-gritty of writing fundamentals go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:

“Hey, Kate it’s a great holiday day. We have plenty of time. Why won’t we take this long ski slope’s [circuit?"] Edward said looking with fervor to Kate.
[Don't forget closing quotation mark when doing direct quotations.]

“How much time it will take for us to finish the circuit by cross country skiing?” [She] [she] asked.
[Attributions are part of the sentence. Use lower case to complete the sentence.]

"...Look [at][over] there, a reindeer is next to the tree,” Kate said excitedly. [I was going to give you a pass on this inasmuch as it's a dialogue; but if it's not intentional, my suggestion would be to replace at with over.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. They give life and action and move the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away As I say at the outset, in places where the climate is unpredictable, one can expect all four seasons taking their ferocity all in one day.
Thank God indeed you both survived to tell this horrific story!

Write away, K.HBey.

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25
25
Review of A Grandma's Wish  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, StarrQueen:
~ Click here to join a fun group ~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Winter Raid Review has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This exercise has shown the three elements of a short story: Beginning, middle, and end. This is a good start for a newbie. As you progress, you will soon be adding more elements that will make your work pop, dazzle, and sizzle.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation go, here is one snippet I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:

Early one morning, that call finally arrived and she rushed to be by her daughter's side as [her precious] I made my way into the world. [Delete or revise as this is awkward and out of place.]

*Point of View (POV)
Very nicely written from the point of view of a long-awaited grandchild.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Show, don't tell. The secret in storytelling is in the dialogue. Let your characters talk to each other.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Good writing exercise as you begin your journey as a wordsmith. Stay with it. Soon you will see rewards for your tenacity.


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