** Image ID #2116758 Unavailable **
Hi, Grum in peace and friendship:
I find the title of your piece not surprising but intriguing. I couldn't resist reading it. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.
*Content
Well put narrative with references from great philosophers and thinkers of our time and before. Although you and I are in opposite poles in this subject matter, I respect your point of view to the truest sense of the word. That being said, I invite you to open your Bible (I see you're using it)and flip the pages to the Book of Apostle John, Chapters 1 and 2. Then compare what you learn from these chapters with Genesis Chapter 1. I hope you'll find something that will give you an AHA! moment with your reading.
*Mechanics
*Syntax
You have a good command of the written word. Some areas need tightening and tweaking as I shall point out below.
*Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
I noticed your use of closing quotation marks inside the terminal period all throughout this narrative. According to the Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, page 261,
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word.
I also found your use of ellipsis after the period with a space preceding the three dots. Again, according to the Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, pages 268-269,
Ellipsis: Composed of a trio of spaced periods. they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not completed the quoted matter and to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the dialogue. The only time there is a fourth period with an ellipsis is when the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
*Spelling
[judgement][judgment]
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:
I can't disagree, although I do feel a little sad if n years of experience need to disappear down the gurgler of time. [This sentence is kind of awkward. Needs tweaking for clarity.]
Could it be better this way?
I can't disagree, although, I do feel a little sad if in years of experience I need to disappear down the gurgler of time.
“faith is the evidence of things unseen.”
For accuracy, the scriptural quotation is:
"Faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen."
But to my mind, this is [a] nonsense. [Delete the article.]
Firstly, God exists in human form, as humans are believed to exist in the form of God.
Yes. The Bible teaches that God exists in human form, in the person of Jesus Christ. I cannot give you a thorough unlocking of the evidence the Bible speaks of, but let me give you the following Bible references to read and mull over:
John 1:1-14
1,2 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
3,4,5 - All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
6,7,8 - There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.
9,10,11,12,13 - The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God.
14 - And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seem his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
15 - John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, "He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me."
16 - And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.
17 - For the law was given to Moses,grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
18 - No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, he has made him known.
Also read the whole chapter of John 3: It's the conversation between Nicodemus and Jesus. Jesus Christ himself claimed to come down from heaven.
13,14,15: No man has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of man. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.
Reverting briefly to the God issue, the so-called paramountcy of the Christian God, [Did you mean paramount cry?]
I’d also like to say a few words on the subject of “me”. Not for any particularly conceited reason, but because it directly affects my view of death and, as such, of religion. In fact, I shall not die for there is no “me” to pass on. [ As an opener worth pondering about, let me just say that there are two aspects of death: physical death and spiritual death. But, this is another subject worth presenting for another time.]
*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.
*Over-all take away You presented good arguments as a denier of the existence of God. In fact, there are more to it than what meets the eye. Maintain focus on a particular subject instead of rambling them all together. Your reader can only digest so much and then, you'll lose their interest.
That being said, keep writing. And stay focused.
|
|