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76
76
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Paul:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
I think I have done a review for you before. I'm just visiting ports, looking for something to get busy with because I have all this time to be useful. So, here I am making a stopover to read and give you an input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Good formatting in dialogue application.

*Content
Cute story. Realistically and delightfully done.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling go, there is nothing I can cut and paste to show any skirmish or violations in writing. Your dialogue punctuations are skillfully done.

Oops, I lied. I did see one skirmish, although, a minor one. Here it is:
“Okay, I [cant][can't] cook in this mess so you’ll take me to Treaudeaus for dinner. Be ready in an hour.” (Technically, Treaudeau's need an apostrophe also being a possessive case.]

*Dialogue
This is a perfect example of the "Dialogue only" story. It shows all the actions and behaviors in the conversation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I have to give this submission a 5-Star rating and ignore the minor skirmish I found because I find it realistic, amusing, and entertaining.

Write away, Paul.

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77
77
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, KD Miller:
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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Skeletons in the Attic - Chapter Eight

What a fascinating chapter. Even without knowing the background of your story from Chapter One to Chapter Seven, this Chapter can stand by itself. It is well organized in plain everyday conversation and easy to follow.

I was hooked. I couldn't wait to hear what the skeletons in the attic were. Great narration made alive with dialogue among the main characters of the story.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty of writing rules go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

I overheard his soft voice [over-ruling][overruling][one word] his brother.

He carried a [faded-leather,] [faded leather] [not hyphenated word] art kit from the early nineteen-hundreds.

"Don't scare him, Theodore, "he said. ["Don't scare him, Theodore," he said.] [Just a simple typo]

my [and] uncles and I drank it constantly. [delete]

...his father left him the [drug store] [drugstore].[one word]

...until his [parents] [parent's] passing a few years later.

Benjamin Felix a [widow,] [widower][technically, a husband who lost his wife is referred to as a widower.]

Another [questioned][question] nagged in my mind.

"In answer to your [question," His][his] hand waved in the air, [Attributions are part of the sentence. Use lower case after the comma and close quotation mark to complete the sentence.

"I understand that some men never marry, but it [didn't][did?] seem odd that an entire family never married until just now."

[The way Uncle Dylan pushed away from the table.][Fragment. Try to connect this to the previous sentence or the sentence following.]

[The deep creases in the corners of Uncle Theodore's eyes.][Fragment]

Something had prevented them from taking [wives...and] by nightfall[,][insert commma] I would know.[Uses of ellipsis]

For what it's worth, let me share with you what I learned about the uses of ellipsis:
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

*Dialogue
You're skillful in your employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Your dialogue essentially made your story alive and put a sparkle to an otherwise ordinary storytelling.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an impressive work. It is skillfully written. I want to know more.
That being said, write away, KD Miller. You have the knack.

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78
78
Review of Merfield Hall  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Seuzz:
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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Friday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I need to be honest with you. I found this manuscript a difficult reading material. I encountered foreign words and foreign expressions that seem cultural in nature which are inherent to the United Kingdom. So, forgive me for my ignorance. I will critique your work based on the American standard English usage, which I am familiar with, juxtaposed with what little I know of the British style.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the other nitty-gritty rules go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

If not impossibly intended for the human eye[,][insert comma] I think the narrative will satisfy your curiosity as far as is possible in a case where the attendant circumstances are so mysterious.

In 1849 my half brother[,][insert comma] Charles Horsley, then a young man of 37, succeeded to the possession of Merfield Hall in the county of Bedfordshire.

Nuances in spelling between British English and American English:
[favourite] [favorite]
Gothick [Gothic]
curiosi[curious or curiosity?]
realising [realizing]

2 or 3 [Presentation of Numbers - When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.]

The county handbook said of this one that it had been built by the ingenious Mr. Essex in the Gothick Taste and was much admired by all [curiosi.] [Were these two typos or intentional spelling?]

In[ part,][insert comma] my spirits rose in proportion to my absences from the Hall.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and breaks the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Like I pointed out at the beginning, I had difficulty following the story. Perhaps my difficulty sprung from my limited exposure to British history as well as unique language that separates country to country, albeit, English is the medium used for communication.

Be that as it may, write on. You are a prolific writer in your own right. You may be able to adapt to the American standard of writing in addition to your expert ability to write the British way.

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79
79
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, jonblair:
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Here I am, still working on reading and reviewing on behalf of WDC SuperPower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. To be perfectly honest with you, I would have stopped reading but I persevered because we are in this to help each other make our material enjoyable to read.

In light of that, let me share what I learned from published authors that will help us improve our work as well. They say setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn-off. I agree with that. As such, we need to be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read our work.

For purposes of our submissions, we don't have to follow standard rules in formatting in to- to, as we're not into publishing yet; but, for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few helpful rules we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*A paragraph can be a mere sentence or two
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line. (Some published writers suggest double spacing between paragraphs.)

*Content
I like the content of your exposition. Indeed, keeping a journal is helpful in making our experiences and interactions with love ones and friends alive and readily accessible when we feel the need or drive to recollect those bygone days.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of writing rules go, I see run-on sentences and missing and misplaced commas, which can be easily fixed.

*Dialogue
On your next exercise, try employing dialogue. It makes a big difference when the reader hears your characters engaged in a conversation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the content of your manuscript. All it needs is applying paragraphing to enhance clarity and readability. It's an area you need to work on if you're inclined to pursue an interest in recording experiences and events in your life that are too important to be erased.

With that perspective, I say, write on! Pursue what you started doing. You'll be pleased to look back and see the footprints of your journey.

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80
80
Review of SNOW  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Richard:
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It's the second day of WDC SuperPower Reviewer's Raid for April. I'm still here working away until today's clock strikes midnight.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Personality profile writing involves a well-developed narrative style of which this article qualifies, using the snow as a person.

*Content
I like the way you described in graphic detail what the snow is all about. Albeit, I am not sure if this exercise qualifies as a Short Story as written. It reads to me as character building of what a snow is. It describes the snow's personality and its effect on the surroundings and people around. In this instance, its engagement with a pilot and his aircraft. I see great visualization in your thinking process. Indeed, it can develop into a story when applied as a scene so elemental in its development.

I love this dramatic ending you articulated, "Snow wasn't a dream. Snow was a murderous nightmare, claiming the pilot quietly, burying him and his plane in a white grave that wouldn't reveal itself until Spring." That's powerful!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, nothing made me pause nor create a wrinkled brow all throughout the narrative.

*Dialogue
True to form and contest rule, this exercise qualified for a No Dialogue Contest format.

*Disclaimer
My observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to accept or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You have done an awesome work in personality profiling with the snow personified. And as I pointed out in the outset, I love your powerful, succinct and dramatic ending, "Snow wasn't a dream. Snow was a murderous nightmare, claiming the pilot quietly, burying him and his plane in a white grave that wouldn't reveal itself until Spring."

Write away, Richard. You're a talented wordsmith. (I do want to take half a point from a 5-Star rating for the reason I stated in the Content. I hope you don't mind.)

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81
81
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Life's a Beach:
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Here we are raiding ports on behalf of WDC Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
How unfortunate one's life is when there is no support whatsoever to run to. Such is the life of this poor young woman. She carries all her burdens and sufferings, physical, mental, social and psychological all by herself. Thank goodness for a kind-hearted, albeit, overworked nurse, who found it in her heart to empathize with her and sacrificed her own family just so she can attend to the needs of this woman in labor pains, with a baby who is clinging to her, to boot! How horrific!

Whatever this woman is going through, whether it's her own making and there's nobody else to blame but herself, it's still incumbent upon humanity to lend a helping hand and extend a safety net for her to land. We are all vulnerable. The pendulum may turn the other way without us ever having a fair warning. What we give we do not expect a payback; but, we do receive back in manifold ways. Kindness is life's gift that keeps on giving.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, here's sharing with you what I learned on how or when to use abbreviations:

DCF (Department of Children and Families) [Use of Abbreviations]

Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.

[But then, there is the even bigger puzzle? Why God let that woman, that funny, curvy woman, with the sweet ever-so-soft voice, choose me as her husband?] [I don't understand what this means.]

Honestly, the last three paragraphs are bewildering to my simple mind. You see, I understood you, the narrator, to arrive at the ER - a woman writhe in pain; then, towards the end of the story, the kind and helpful female nurse became your wife?
"But then, there is the even bigger puzzle? Why God let that woman, that funny, curvy woman, with the sweet ever-so-soft voice, choose me as her husband?"

I cannot see the logic to the ending. There is a sudden switch in Point of View that's mystifying to me. I cannot wrap it around my simple mind. You might take a second look at this to see if there is some way you can tweak it for clarity and readability. Caveat: If I'm the only reader having difficulty with this scenario, you can ignore it. But, if there are two or more having the same or similar difficulty, then, try to revise it.


*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It's a good tool in breaking the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away.


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82
82
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Life's a Beach:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
The media have lost their way. They abandoned their ethical pledge to be fair, balanced, and factual in their reporting. It's a shame to think that once we trust them to feed us with unbiased coverage of events affecting us and our way of life. Because of the political agenda and the money they gain from interest groups, they have lost their credibility all together.

Your suggestion is well-taken. If we can turn the tide somehow, it's incumbent upon us to cajole them to change the course.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, the one thing that made me pause was your use of ellipsis in the snippet I cut and pasted for you to take a second look.

But… [Uses of ellipsis. For what it's worth, I want to share with you what I learned about the uses of ellipsis.]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this genre.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I totally agree with your premise and proposition. I am inclined to write a letter to the Marketing Directors of big companies. Hopefully, we can make an impact in changing the behavior and manner of gathering news suitable for public consumption.

Keep writing, Life's a Beach. Let's make a difference!

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83
83
Review of Cheese Puffs  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, StephBee:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
What a delightful and cute short story to celebrate Valentine's Day. Indeed, Cupid was busy concocting situations to enable a lonely gal to hook up with her bachelor neighbor, Andrew. The matchmaking turned out well. Thanks to Mr. Edison, who made Valentine's celebration special. And the cheese puffs did the trick!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and the nitty-gritty in writing go, I can see you're a skillful and talented writer. I cannot find any skirmish or violations that would make me pause or cause my brows to raise. This is the kind of writing I prefer to read.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other is masterful. I, as a reader, is inside the head of Angie. I identify with Angie: her frustrations, her anticipations, her ecstasies, and every emotion that comes with our female counterpart. I am all there sucking it in.

*Over-all take away
This short love story is a page-turner. I love the subtle twists and turns and the conspiracy in matchmaking that lead to a happy ending.

Write away, StephBee. You're a masterful love storyteller.

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84
84
Review of GPS review  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hyperiongate:
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I am participating in the WDC Superpower Reviewer's Raid for April and I picked your submission to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done for this genre.

*Content
Believe it or not, GPS is heaven-sent for me. I don't want to go back to the time when I have to grope over a Triple-A TripTik map to find my way. It is the best invention ever since sliced bread! Indeed it is worth the money we spend to have one handy as we venture out into the highways and byways unfamiliar to us.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, I do not see much because this is a short exposition. I do have a snippet I cut and pasted to point out to you that may help improve your output:

I need copies....it tells me where to go...I want steak....it tells me where to go.[See Uses of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Not necessarily applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You explained yourself well in this exposition. It is easy to follow and digest. Keep up with your writing endeavors. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.


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85
85
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, flyfishercacher:
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Here we are doing our WDC Power Reviewer's Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content
Oh, the things we discover when we do general cleaning. Items long forgotten come to the fore. You had a strong motivation to clean your closet. Besides your two brothers were pushing you to get it done so they can move in. Without those two, you would have probably taken your sweet time.

Let me tell you. I am the best (or worst?) procrastinator of all time. My husband passed away ten months ago. I haven't done a thing to clear his area of our closet and rearrange things. I kept thinking about sorting them and putting them in boxes for donation and tossing out junky things but haven't done so.

As I read your exposition, I smile, being reminded of the cleaning up I have to do. Maybe when I am finished doing this review, I'll get up and start this monumental task. You're giving me the push to get on and be done with it. Thanks for this unwitting suggestion.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, I looked before and after and found nothing to give me a pause or raise my brow a tad. Therefore, I'll reward you with a 5-Star rating.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It breaks the monotony of narration and gives sparkle to the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Good work, flyfishercacher. Keep writing. You're good for it. You have the knack.

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86
86
Review of Of Light and Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, rinsoxy:

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Here we are raiding each other's output on behalf of WD.C's Superpower's Review Raid for April.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and written.

*Content
It's interesting how the author created a make-believe character, giving her human characteristics and human emotion. I like the idea that no matter what inhuman training and environment Sijile grew up in, she cried in disappointment. I like this human element that separated her from her peers.

The three basic elements of a story, which are beginning, middle and end were achieved in this exercise. Good work.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:

Doran was just the [first of the master][masters] to awaken. [ In this context, "master" should be plural if there are more than one masters and Doran was the first.]

When it became apparent they weren’t going to eat[,][Insert comma] Sijile began choking down the dry and crusty bread.

With her meal a hard and tasteless lump in her stomach Sijile pushed back from the table and stood. [This sentence is awkward. It's missing something. Can we try it this way:
[With her meal, a hard and tasteless lump in her stomach, Sijile pushed back from the table and stood.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and breaks the monotony of straight narration. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Creating fantastic stories like this is a fine art. Keep up the creativity. Water it and fertilize it. Take the weeds out. Let the sunshine in. You're doing a fantastic job.


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Richard:
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Here we are doing our April Raid. Let me start with your intriguing submission.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well organized and presented.

*Content

Two weeks before, each bright Christmas Day, she chose to Give back, her own unique way.

This sentence at the end of the first paragraph had me scratch my head. Did you mean "two years" before, each bright Christmas Day...?

Moving on, I cannot be certain if this story is fiction or non-fiction. It sounds real to begin with. When she started pickpocketing with expertise and dexterity, I began to question whether this is a make-believe story or not. Perhaps you need a transition to clarify whether these are fictional characters you created? I just did not get the distinction especially when she succeeded in getting enough money for an old man's flight fare to see his granddaughter and newborn great-granddaughter. Or, was that the signal?

As it turned out, the detective finally caught the pickpocketer indirectly by way of making a small talk with the old man. What an encounter. I love the twist in the end!

I enjoyed the anecdotal mystery, which is sort of flim-flam to my savor because the twists and turns were delightful to read.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*PunctuationSpelling and all the nitty-gritty in writing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

For starters, the title of this story has a possessive case status; therefore, the title should look like this: A Thieve's Christmas (with an apostrophe.)

In ten years as a detective[,][Insert comma] Denny had never turned a blind eye to a crime, and he didn't plan on starting now.

He began snapping still photos with the camera hanging from his neck[.][Don't forget terminating dot.]

Giggling with joy at her successful attempt.[Fragment] I noticed there are a few examples of this sentence fragments.]

Jolted by a sudden realization, [He] [he] rewound once again to the see the approach.

An [Ache] [ache] bloomed in her heart for his sadness, she gave him a soft smile.

A small tear [tickle][trickle?] down their cheeks.

Opening the envelope [reveled][revealed] a round trip airfare to where his new great-granddaughter waited for a warm Christmas hug.

Cutting him off, “could you open that, sir,” a bit out of his police persona, almost begging, “please?” [The first word inside a quotation is generally with an upper case first letter. Therefore, this sentence will appear this way:
Cutting him off, “Could you open that, sir,” a bit out of his police persona, almost begging, “Please?”

Denny, almost in awe asked[,][Insert] “[may][May] I read the note sir?”

“Tonight, seven at Mario’s," more a command [then][than] a question.

*Dialogue
I noticed you were using both quotation marks and italics in dialoguing. You can use either/ or but not both. For the most part, italics are used for internal dialogue and titles. This mix-up may not be your fault. It can be attributed to auto spellcheck. It's a feature I disdain with a passion.

OTHER AREAS THAT NEED POLISHING
Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lower case to make a complete sentence. In effect, this means the word after the comma would be in lower case.

I see missing essential commas in sentences here and there. My suggestion is to read your story aloud and insert comma every time you pause; or, have someone read it to you aloud. This is helpful in finding where commas are essential for clarity and readability.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Having pointed out all those things above, I see your great potential for producing publishable output. What you need is self-critiquing your work in the punctuation areas to clean them up. Always take a second look at your finished work before submitting. It pays dividends when you do that.

Good work, Richard. You have the knack in telling a story. Keep writing.

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88
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Review of Imposing Memories  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Schnujo:

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Here I am finding something to read and review because it's the best thing to do when we're in quarantine, right?

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Well done for a How To demonstration.

*Content
Good organization and narration. The only area that gave me a pause was the unclear transition between narrating the flashback and coming to the present scenario as her loving husband brings her back to reality.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Ruby's [faces][face] carries a wide smile and her arms are crossed with the satisfaction of motherhood.[Possessive singular]

How to do punctuation marks for a quotation within a quotation.

"I asked, "What brings you by?"" [How to format a quotation inside a quotation: Change the inside quotation marks to single apostrophe.]

It would look like this: "I asked, 'What brings you by?'"

Because you started the story with a flashback, you need to show a transition that is clear and smooth for your readers to follow. In this scenario below, I found a good place to do it. It could be something like this:

Linda turns from the window and stares at Ruby's face--the lines of life creating neat pleats across the surface. "Uh, Ruby..." She stops, swallows. I wish I am strong enough to tell you you're hallucinating again.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. This is where the "Show don't tell" comes in. Cleverly and brilliantly done. I am impressed.

*Disclaimer
As to the nitty-gritty in punctuation marks are concerned, I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Great work demonstrating "Show and Tell." Write away!

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89
89
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, bandit:

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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a beautiful tribute you wrote about your mother. I can relate to the ordeal you went through in caring for her. It pleases me to see caring adult children who take care of their parents during this critical time of their existence. I empathize with you truly. You see, I took care of my mother, as well, during the last year of her life when she could not take care of herself any longer. She was independent. She did not want to be a burden to her children until she realized she had no choice but to depend on me. She was ninety-four-years old who suffered acute heart failure.

To top it off, I was also caring for my eighty-nine-year-old husband, who was suffering from prostate cancer, dementia, and heart failure. So, I took care of them both. Last year, 2019, was a challenging year for me. I had them both under Hospice Care in my home.

My husband gave up his fight for his dear life on May 25, 2019. He was ninety years old, which was five months short of his ninety-first birthday. Three months later, on August 29, 2019, ten days after we celebrated her ninety-fifth birthday, my mother gave up the ghost, as well.

Caring for them and seeing them go was bitter-sweet for me. Their first death anniversary will soon be here and here I am, still wishing they are still around to care for.

So, you see, you can count your blessings because you are not alone. At some point in our lives, we go through the same ordeal. Yet, we are left with beautiful memories that will live on until our appointed time comes.

Thank the good Lord for giving you good health, with a loving and caring heart that withstood all challenges of providing love and care for a beloved mother.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and all the nitty-gritty of wordsmithing go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"oh well she's going to die anyway".[Note Open and Close Quotation Marks]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word.

They finally after eight hours of neglect moved my mother upstairs to the transitional unit.
[These two sentences may sound better revised this way:]

After eight hours of neglect, they finally moved my mother upstairs to the transitional unit.

It was amazing the difference in attitude after she was moved.

The difference in attitude was amazing after she was moved.

The months that I had spent taking care of her were now coming to [and][an] end.

Also: Try to read your work aloud, or have someone read it aloud for you, so you can hear the tone and voice. There may be punctuation marks needed for pauses and things of this nature that would enhance clarity and readability of your narrative. I see commas that you can insert in some of your sentences. Check it out. Take a second look. Revision is the secret to good writing.

*Dialogue
To add action, dazzle and sizzle, and sparkle to your story, try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Your story is so poignant. It touches our emotions down to the core. Thank you for sharing your struggles and forbearance in dealing with your loved ones' transition from this earth to life eternal on the other side.

Keep your pen and paper handy. Or in today's reality, put your fingers on the keyboard and write away.

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90
90
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Jay:

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What a beautiful testimony you presented in this "Share Your Faith " prompt entry. I am in awe of your courage and inspiring summation on how God has changed your life by loving yourself first in order to love others. And, ultimately, your love for God is manifested in your words, actions, and relationships with family, friends, and the world at large.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green (when applicable.)

Formatting
This is well-organized with outlining, which shows the logic for easily following your thoughts.

*Content
Like I mentioned in my introduction, your transparency is overwhelming and catching. I hope souls are blessed and will follow your example.

I like your citing of the instructions the flight attendant announces before take-off. To help others, we have to help ourselves first.

Without going into detail, I totally am with you when it comes to loving ourselves before we can love others.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty of grammar go, I did not find any violations or mishaps that made me pause or raise my brow. That being said, would you allow me to nitpick? Here's one snippet I cut and pasted that you may want to be aware of:

Though I'm still learning the answers to those questions, here is a montage of the beginning steps of this journey to discover the creation of the Lord,...ME.

Here, I am referring to the use of the ellipsis. I just want to share what I learned that you might be interested in learning yourself.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Not applicable to this exercise, although it would not hurt to inject it here and there to break the monotony of a narrative. Actually, your conversational style of writing has taken the place of employing dialogue. You are engaging and your reader is hooked.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Thank you for sharing your faith in the most transparent way only you can show. You are a channel of blessing to me today.

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91
91
Review of The Diagnosis  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, J.E. Allen:

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This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from Auto Rewards port intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed, what a twisted tale. Good organization and presentation. It's almost credible.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of grammar is concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

The place reminded him of the Cantina on Mos Eisley… minus the band. [Use of Ellipsis]

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions:
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Leaving the gin and tonic behind[,][Insert a comma after introductory phrase] he walked towards the bathrooms, weaving through gruff men who smelled like fish and salt water[saltwater]. [Compound word]

“First off, how do you know each other? I’m sorry, but you don’t look like the type of guy [to ] that would associate with a mob boss, like Tony Scaramucci.” [Delete out of place preposition.]

8:00 PM [Presentation of numbers: Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.]

Also[,] I’m [also] going to refer you to Dr. Stan Roechner in Bridgeport.[Insert a comma and delete redundant word.]

When he came back into the bedroom his wife[,] [Insert a comma] Linda, who looked worried, asked, “Are you still sick?[Separate the proper name when the sentence is complete without it.]

Torn between his wife’s constant reminders to remember to lock the back door, and the directions he gave the man he met behind the bar. [Fragment. Revise: He was torn between his wife’s constant reminders to remember to lock the back door, and the directions he gave the man he met behind the bar./c}

7:45 PM
Here's sharing with you what I learned about the Presentation of Numbers: Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue breathes life into the story and puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. I do have to point out that separating your dialogue from the narrative by starting a new paragraph for each speaker highlights the conversation and gives it the extra dazzle, sizzle, and shine.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Writing dark and horrific stories like this is not my genre but I can appreciate other writer's proclivity to a subject matter they are drawn close to. With that being said, you have demonstrated good organization and presentation in this exercise. Keep up the good work. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.

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92
92
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Redtowrite:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Nursing is both Roses and Thorns short story called my attention and prompted me to stop due to a similar circumstance I went through not too long ago. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
Such a poignant story. I can relate and empathize because I went through a similar situation in the last four years past. On April 26, 2016, my sister, who was eight years younger than me gave up her fight for life against that ugly monster called cancer. She was declared terminal at the end of 2016 and sent home under Hospice Care. The doctor said she would succumb in a couple of days after her release. With tender loving care, she survived for four months. Last year, I dealt with my 95-year-old mother and my 90-year-old husband's aging and end of life conditions, with little help from family. I tackled them both by myself at home. Thank the Lord for Hospice Care that provided me support. They succumbed three months of each other. So, this story is really close to home. Thank you for sharing.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"I'll page Tommy". ["I'll page Tommy."]

["she breaks just like a little girl".]["she breaks just like a little girl."]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. This convention, however, is widely violated.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. They allow the reader to participate in the story as the reader gets up close and personal with the characters portrayed.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for sharing this poignant true-to-life ordeal each one of us may face and deal with at some point in our lives. I have and I found strength in handling the difficulties with my faith in God.

Write away, Redtowrite.

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93
93
Review of HUNTER'S RUN  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Christian Powers:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Hunter's Run short story hit my inquisitive mind right off. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
What a nightmare this adventurer faced in the middle of nowhere, being shot at and attacked with only his loyal and faithful dog, partnering with him and his gun. To top it off, he has to survive the wicked weather with snow covering the landscape. I was so relieved to see him and Hell come out safe in the end.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, this manuscript is well done. Flawless. I look here and there and beyond. Couldn't spot anything to pick on.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. In this instance, the unnamed narrator with his dog, Hell, and his gun, Brunhilda, in the middle of a battleground somewhere in Colorado.

*Disclaimer
Do keep in mind my observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. Other reviewers may differ with mine and that's something you must also consider.

*Over-all take away
I love reading adventure stories just like this one. I love the anticipation of what's going to happen, facing dangers and risks, and how the adventurer comes out unscathed and alive.

Thanks for sharing this moving story. It is delightfully entertaining amidst the traumatic blocks and obstacles an adventurer must overcome.

Write away, Christian Powers. You have the knack in putting words into paper.

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94
94
Review of The Enemy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, John S:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your The Enemy short story hit my inquisitive mind right off. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
Holy Molly! So it was only a gray-haired little mouse of a devil that costs Dwight's ninety-year-old neighbor's life and Dwight's own life in the end? What tragedy. I tend to agree with Ed, the cellmate, that Dwight was an incurable nut head. Nevertheless, I decry Ed's apathy, nonchalance, and lack of compassion towards an abnormal person when he ignored the imminent tragedy to, unfortunately, befall Dwight.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity:

[fist sized][fist-sized] [compound word]

He told her, "I think I got him,[.]" [Replace the comma inside the quotation with a period.]

He sat on his bunk rocking back and forth muttering[,] "I think I got him, I think I got him" Over over and over again.[Insert comma when introducing a dialogue.]

Ed said[.][,] "well[,] I'm not really sure. [Replace period with a comma and insert comma where I indicated. See explanation below.]

Attribution: Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue, here and there, showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. More often than not, the story is found in the conversations your characters are engaged in.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I am satisfied with the organization and presentation of this short story. It shows the beginning, middle, and end. It could have been expanded with more drama and display of emotions. But for brevity's sake, it has satisfied the elements of a short story.

Keep writing. You have the knack to put words into paper.

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95
95
Review of Gary's Big Break  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, JoeVan:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Gary's Big Break short story hit my inquisitive mind right off. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
I can see Gary recording himself in the wee hours of the night, continuing to daytime, trying to develop a scene for YouTube. Moving from place to place, recording all his moves and escapades is amusing to watch. He desperately looks forward to landing a big break. He went through skirmishes and counted them worth the pain and self-deprecation. It is comical for an onlooker to see. But, he believed he can break the ceiling and that's all that matters to him.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and all the nitty-gritty grammar quirks go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

One thirty-five a.m..
gone by 2.
Two a.m..

See Presentation of Numbers: Time - Use caps for A.M. and P.M.
Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

Attributions: Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Your dialogue is saturated with this skirmish and needs to be cleaned. Here are a few examples I cut and pasted:

"Been thinking about where I want to go }first," he said to the phone, pressing down on the patty.

"I tried that place last[ week."][,]he said when he passed a sit-in Mexican restaurant.

"Little accident [there."][,] he said, letting out a forced laugh.


*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your character interacting with himself and his audience. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. They move the story and humanize the characters to allow the reader to be "in on the action."
But, as I mentioned, punctuation marks need cleaning up for clarity and readability.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the setting and organization you laid out on this semi-monologue. I do notice the telling part more than the showing part. You might want to take a second look at areas where you can show rather than tell to make the reading irresistible to abandon.

Keep writing, JoeVan. You have the talent to put words into paper. And good luck on hitting your big break!


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, LegendaryMask:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Dear Me letter hit my inquisitive mind right off and I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my take away.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Mentioning the difficulties the previous year in order to show a positive outlook for the New Year is a good opening salvo. Your proactive encouragement amidst all the factors that slowed down the goals you wanted to accomplish shows you're no quitter. You are moving forward despite all the seeming hindrances. That's the spirit we all need when confronted with stumbling blocks along the way.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar rules go, I will not belabor myself in using a fine-tooth comb to point them out to you inasmuch as this is an informal exercise. And I surmise, it's not intended for publication, right?

There are areas in the body of this letter that are awkward. They need tweaking for clarity and readability. I do have to point out one sentence (there are a couple more in other areas) that glares at me like a sore thumb, which is this:

I'm so excited for you it gives me goosebumps thinking about it. [Fix this sentence for clarity and readability. Perhaps, something like this:

I'm so excited for you. It gives me goosebumps thinking about it.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable to this exercise.

*Over-all take away I like the way you align yourself with the ups and downs of your alter ego. Ending your message to yourself with an acknowledgment of the divine power who controls your whole being is indeed the best advice you can give. Just remind yourself to try to avoid being preachy.

Write away, LegendaryMasK. You're on your way for better days ahead.

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97
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Shaara:
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So, here we are, raiding ports, looking for manuscripts to read and review. Your Interview a Shetzun a Sci-Fi short story hit my inquisitive mind right off. I decided to spend time to pore into it and share with you my takeaway.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting/*Content
My perspective: In writing Sci-Fi Fiction, it might be helpful if the author sets a place and time where and when the story is taking place with distinctive characteristics of the actors to set them apart from normal human beings as we know. Some readers and reviewers, like me, cannot relate when inanimate objects or vegetation or nature start acting and talking like humans. For example:

What's a sperion juice? [You might want to give a little insight into what the characteristic of this juice is.]

What does a Shetzun perfect look like?

What are the characteristics of a Cremorian? A Shetzun?


As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling and other nitty-gritty grammar rules go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

over-come [overcome is one word]
up-coming [upcoming is one word]

Uses of Ellipsis
Here are two examples of the use of ellipsis I cut and pasted:
Did his interview go so badly . . . or is it because he was told he has gained his prize?
I can still . . .
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Makes the story move to dazzle and sizzle and pop!

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good exercise in creativity and originality. You're definitely applying and exhibiting your writing talent in this exercise. Keep up the good work rolling. You're good at it.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, BEAR:
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Swinging by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night, I find the title of this submission from Auto-Reward worth a peek. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Looks good. Sounds good. I can see you have put a lot of work into it.

*Content
This is a delightful and entertaining story for children. It can work very well as a book with illustrations on every page.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation and Spelling go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

They seemed to like him[,] he thought[,] and that made him very happy.[Insert commas.]

They jumped onto [the] bus just as Lookout arrived.[Insert]

"Lookout, the moose is coming!" [He][he] said with an excited but worried voice. [Attributions are part of the sentence. Use lower case to complete the sentence.]

Lookout would not let go of the broom[.] [so] the shop owner slowly backed toward the door.
These two sentences can be fixed in two ways: Combine as one or capitalize the beginning of the second sentence.

*1 Lookout would not let go of the broom[.][,] so the shop owner slowly backed toward the door.
or
*2 Lookout would not let go of the broom. [so][So] the shop owner slowly backed toward the door.

Then the moose watched the man grab something and[hold][held] it up to his head. [Tense agreement]

Maybe he was going to get some cakes and cookies [thought][though].

The more the people called his name, the [farther][closer] he walked into town.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. The story is in the dialogue which made it pop, sizzle and sparkle!

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I can see your talent in writing creative stories to amuse children. Keep up the good work.

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99
99
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm working on it. Hope to be able to submit by due date.

QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
100
100
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Santa Shaara:

Click on the fancy snow image to join us in reviewing the WdC Community
Here we are gathering for our Super Power Winter Fun Review Raid. Let me be the first one to pick on this piece to raid and offer you a review to share the spirit of camaraderie and Christmas cheer.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Looks fine.

*Content
This is a delightful read for me albeit, I cannot wrap around my head the personification of how a Christmas Spirit would behave or interact; much less how it would look like. It seems to be the tone or sentiment of the atmosphere that drew each individual close or away from each other. In the end, much fun was had by all as the Spirit of Christmas pulled them all together as no other force on earth could do.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, and Spelling go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Christmas Spirit, "tsked" as he examined the group of widows. [I'm not sure if this spelling is intentional or a typo.]

their life [lives][Agreement in number.]

The the buttons were unmatched but sturdily mounted.[Delete. Duplication.]

*Dialogue
Good employment dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and give life and action to the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an enjoyable and delightful reading material. I love the way the author gives each character a distinctive personality.


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