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613 Public Reviews Given
613 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Zoinks, what a tale *Rolling* You're quite lucky your mom didn't have any lasting effects from that attack of gambling exhilaration.

As someone who's never been to Reno and hopes I never do, I enjoyed the glimpse into a different world: dark, crowded, noisy, and blitzing with nickels! I have an addictive personality, at least it appears that way (sometimes I call it "loyalty...") And I don't think I could handle such madness.

This was clear, bright, fast-paced and hilarious. I'm going to have a difficult time getting reviewing characters for your items, because they're all quite good and I can't think of anything to suggest. An amusing story of a mother swept up in a world she'd never experienced before and a daughter trying to get her out of it - why, if you hadn't found her, she'd be there to this day!

You can add a third genre to make it easier to find when browsing. I would suggest "Experience" or "Personal." Perhaps "Regional" would do as well. Genres don't have to match perfectly.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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2
2
Review of The Stroll  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Your port raid begins, hon *BigSmile* I'll do it over a few days in combination with the 10 Tedious Task reviews for Joy. Not that it matters to you...

Goodness, what a surreal story. I wasn't sure what was going on, as one peculiar thing after another happened. It doesn't quite hold together... I mean, the beginning with the dwarf (is there some more PC medical term?) and the envelope of money doesn't have anything to do with the ending. I'm a little confused.

But I do understand the main point, that a mother wants to hold on for her children. I know I've considered that as a central theme of a thriller kind of story myself. It has a lot of potential.
Anyway, I'm reading this on my phone, so I don't know how you've formatted it. Presumably you're aware of the "size 4 Verdana font" mantra around here.

A spooky story that melds realism and fantasy in a way that reminds us of a great truth of life. I enjoyed reading it and I don't really have much to offer for suggestions.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Welcome to writing.com! I hope you're enjoying yourself around here.

What a cool story. I wasn't sure what to expect, but you've written it tastefully and with the assurance that this is a good thing happening to Sammy. He escapes the confines of what is probably a dull and boring life, and releases traits that are almost superhuman except for the fact that they're subhuman... One wonders what became of his higher reasoning, thoughts and human feelings.

We see his characteristics slowly changing from human into some sort of animal, and it was interesting trying to guess what type. I was thinking perhaps a fox until the feline aspects became obvious. An interesting thing about cats, is they eat only meat. They're unable to eat anything else. Dogs, on the other hand, are categorized as omnivores. I was surprised to learn this, as I grew up assuming dogs only ate meat as well and wondering why dog food has so much "human" stuff in it, like carrots and cheese and grains.

It reads clearly and builds up well. I don't have a lot to recommend; perhaps you could run it through Grammarly, because I did see a couple of sentences that felt kind of awkward, though I couldn't tell you exactly why. (Guess that's not very helpful *Laugh*)

Great work here, with several layers of meaning. I look forward to seeing what else you might have for us.

Take care, thanks for sharing, keep writing and have fun here *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Oh my, what an amusing yet distressing situation! It reads as if there were at least six people crowded into the carriage - I was a little surprised to find there were only four. But I haven't read much Dickens lately; I suppose four is the limit, of course.

How ever did you think of writing this? Was it inspired by one of the endless assortment of prompts Gaby has provided at GoT? Never mind, I just looked at the creation date and saw it's from November of last year. That's the kind of thing I always forget to look at. Perhaps you should list the prompt inspiration at the bottom for reference.

Wonderfully descriptive of a motley and old-fashioned combination of people, each with a unique smell that soon becomes something else... Oh dear. Not flatulence, thankfully. Doggy doo can always be scraped off on the doorstep.

I see no areas for improvement in this quick and funny vignette. It reminds us of the great variety of humanity and how easily we can collide.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and enjoy yourself at GoT *Heartg*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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5
5
for entry "stripes
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

We meet again for another I Write in 2024 review.

As you already know from last week, I take poetry pretty casually and I'm not going to fuss about meter or structure.

Having gotten that out of the way, I can say this is a nifty poem. I love how you've depicted the strength and mysterious beauty of the tiger without any of the brutality that could have been mentioned. It's purely artistic, as most poetry should be. In fact, when I was younger I would probably have memorized it and added it to my poetry collection.

I love tigers - I was born in the Year of the Tiger - and an elegant poem like this is just the kind of thing I enjoy. I can't offer any suggestions for improvement except perhaps for the final line, which kind of breaks the flow: "secret dreams it'll keep" might sound better as "secret dreams it keeps," disregarding the mismatched plural at the rhyme. Other than that it's perfect.

I'm viewing it on my phone this evening, so I can't tell how you've formatted it. I'll give the usual recommendation for size 4 Verdana font.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Heartg*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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6
6
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Welcome to WdC! I hope you are enjoying yourself here.

I like the premise you’ve set up here, of a young lady who is kind and loving but gets none of it in return. I can see she is from a wealthy family, but we all know how little it means for the important things in life. Some of the wealthiest people are the most unhappy, with broken homes and such. Perhaps this is autobiographical? I don’t want to scare you away by making you think we’ll all assume you’re talking about yourself. Everyone writes stories of all kinds and they don’t have to be biographical, but you can feel free to pour as much of yourself into them as you want. Writing fiction can be very therapeutic.

As a beginning, I’d like to share the “magic formula” for a compelling story of any length: goals, stakes, and obstacles. It sound like anything written that way would be a trite fairytale, but when you think about it those are the three main things that drive a good story. Your character needs things to strive for, things holding her back, and things that will happen if she doesn’t get to her goals. This leaves plenty of leeway for anything you can imagine.

I would recommend using Grammarly to tidy up your sentences and make sure everything is presentable when you are ready to carry on the story. I look forward to reading whatever else you have to write.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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7
7
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I love a good poem, and a spiritual poem is all the better. You’ve done a wonderful job creating a charming, old fashioned poem that feels like a hymn or something from an antique Christian magazine.

The meter flows perfectly, carrying the important message of repentance, faith and obedience that is crucial to understanding the love of God and the ways He cares for us. Your rhymes are sensible and proper without being overly trite, and the entire piece is a joy to read. The promise of God’s love as we turn towards Him in prayer and praise is always something we should remember, and though I struggle with religion and faith personally, I’m glad to read something here that speaks of such things in a thoughtful and positive way.

As someone who dabbles casually and cautiously in poetry, I don’t have anything to offer as to structure or format here. I detest measuring meter and counting syllables, and if I write poetry I prefer to do it by instinct, somewhat similar to how I occasionally write song lyrics. Free verse is easier, but sometimes I stumble across a fairly good meter in spite of myself. At any rate, I have an instinct for what makes a good poem, and this is one.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG* *Cross2*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

What a fun read! Found this on the Online Authors sidebar. I never know what to expect when reading things, mostly because I forget to look at the genres. I see you marked this as Comedy, so that should give a hint as to the ultimate goal. I was wondering how dark it would be, and it turned out to be something quite amusing and cheerful.

Formatting is perfect, with large clear font and the prompt included at the bottom with the word count. The subtitle says it all quite well, without having to bother with a descriptive thought. You’ve set up the suspense and high stakes as we wonder what the nefarious characters are up to. I have nothing to suggest here: it’s my favorite sort of flash fiction, and it’s quite appreciated.

I should try the Flash Fiction Challenge more often, but I have this obsessive thing where everything has to be perfect and well thought out and takes me anywhere from a week to a month to write. I suppose that’s all the more reason to join the challenge… *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing, take care, and have fun writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I’m having fun digging through WdC polls looking for good ones, responding and reviewing them. They’re so quick, and I don’t have to remind people of all those tedious formatting points and whatnot. Instead, I can ramble on foolishly about my own thoughts on the subject being polled.

As a dedicated, obsessive music lover, I take music far too seriously to play anything in the background when I’m trying to write fiction. As I said in Lilli’s Question of the Day, I need to focus on the world and the characters I’m creating, not get wrapped up in the stories within each song on my playlist. When I was first starting to build my music tastes, I would sit down an evening, pick a song, and simply put it on repeat for an hour or two, just sitting quietly, analyzing, breaking it down, imagining, writing about it, and creating art inspired by it. When I create an art piece directly related to a song, I like to play that particular song while I’m making the artwork so I can tap into the vibe.

But that doesn’t work when writing. I get inspired by music, but if I spend too much time soaking in the words of others, it can even be difficult to focus on the words I want to use to create my own “music,” so to speak. I have a naturally noisy, cluttered mind, and absolute peace and quiet helps me sort out my own unique thoughts and imaginings from those I’ve accumulated from the world around me. Music is a highly distracting thing for me, which can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I desperately need to be distracted. Other times I need to focus.

Thanks for posting this and allowing us the opportunity to share our thoughts on the matter. Take care and keep writing *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
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10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Commas, commas! My good friend Joey is always complaining about “puppy toes…” We have a mentor partnership, and he often takes my written items and runs them through Grammarly and then tells me “girl, you’ve got 120 errors in this thing!” I used to panic when he said that; now that I’m equipped with Grammarly myself, I know that 99% of the errors they highlight are either commas, synonyms, or idiosyncrasies of speech and dialogue that would be silly to change into properly stilted English. I rarely pay attention to it, fancying myself to have a pretty good instinct for basic grammar.

I do have a thing against commas… in my journaling I have a tendency to run sentences out as long as I can get them, separating thoughts with semicolons and ellipses, and commas seem to slow things down. I seem to generally avoid them, or else there might be a million of them sprouting like little tadpoles in my writing. As I’ve grown in my literary skills on WdC, I have developed more of an instinct for seeing where a comma would be needed to set apart clauses, such as in this case. But personally I’m more of too impatient to bother with them unless they’re absolutely necessary.

The Oxford comma is a particularly irksome one. I grew up not using it at all; to borrow your example, I would write it as “red, white and blue.” But people here have told me to use it, and I’m pretty sure it’s built into Grammarly. I’m now beginning to see the logic of separating each item rather than running the last two together.

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to spill our thoughts on this, it was fun and interesting to see that most people lean towards using too many commas. Take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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11
11
Review of He Came In Dreams  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Judging by the folder you’ve placed it in, I’m assuming this item was written for the latest GoT that we’re in. Perhaps it would be nice to have the prompt included at the bottom, if there was one. I found this listed in the Online Authors sidebar and thought it looked interesting.

It is indeed interesting, written in a brief and mysterious way that feels like the opening chapter to an exciting romance novel. You’ve left us with plenty of questions to continue on with, and I think it’s a good premise, though perhaps a bit trite and “used before.” But I don’t really read romance or novels in general, so I wouldn’t know. I would suggest placing a scene divider, merely a few centered stars will do, between the shift in perspectives, as we aren’t quite expecting it.

Your words set the scenes well and create the pictures in our minds, with the “flowery purple dress” and the busy city streets contrasting with the countryside in their shared dreams.

I don’t have much to suggest for revision here. It’s a pretty little story, written with elegance and mystique.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Unfinished  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I noticed this on the Online Authors sidebar and assumed it must be a work in progress. Not sure why I clicked on it, but I see I was proven wrong.

This is quite a poem, tossing out words of confusion and loss in a mysterious, surreal, lyrical manner reminiscent of some of my favorite music by U2 or Imagine Dragons. I love the cleverness of the last line, where the word “unfinished” is left off… we see that the relationship is unfinished as well, and we assume it is because the other party has passed away.

You’ve structured and formatted it well, and included a line count. Perhaps you would like to submit it to either "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest or "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest, which are both contests for older items without prompt requirements. Oh, I don’t understand why one of the genres is “Entertainment,” as the subject matter seems serious enough. Perhaps “Emotional” would be a better fit.

I have nothing to offer as to structure or form, as I detest measuring meter and counting syllables, preferring to write my poetry mainly by instinct. I know a good one when I see it. I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, and I’m laidback about rules. I can feel the emotions here, and it’s quite good.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

What an excellent, simple reminder of these three important things that can help us gain control of our feelings and thoughts.

Smiling is indeed quite important, especially when we’re around others. I remember when I was an awkward preteen the cashiers would look at me and say “aww, you should smile, hon!” Which was so embarrassing. I’m not a “smiley” person by nature… even when I take selfies, I feel as though I look more “interesting” and “artistic” when I’m not smiling, which is weird, but not really because usually when I take a selfie it’s for a digital mixed media art project, and mine border on the surreal, and a goofy grin isn’t particularly surreal. I do smile when I take selfies with stuffed animals, which is a habit I’ve developed because I’m too broke to buy every adorable Squishmallow I see *Rolling*

Being quiet is also something I can identify with, as I’m usually an incredibly quiet and withdrawn person. I have a lot going on in my head, and sometimes I run around online stuffing it with even more things (social media, useless bad news, etc,) and sometimes I just have to step back from the screens and the earbuds and sit quietly to sort out my thoughts and discover what’s actually my own voice and what’s pointless clutter drifting around in there.

Focusing on my own thoughts, feelings and actions is an incredibly sensible piece of advice that I need to remind myself of. I often find myself swept up in other people’s emotions and acting out of frustration and overload when I need to hold back and ask myself how I really feel about a situation rather than mirroring what I see in others.

Ok, none of this is advice about your item. Honestly, I can’t suggest anything because it’s a personal piece about your own experiences and perceptions. I think it’s clear and well written and suits the prompt well.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartg*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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14
14
Review of A Song for No One  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Oh, I do like good poetry. This is a lyrical piece that paints what at first appears to be a pretty spring scene, which then becomes imbued with sadness and loneliness when we see the narrator by themselves, waiting for the return of their loved one. You describe the setting and the emotions with sincerity and passion, conveying the feelings of longing in the midst of the beauty.

You should give this poem the formatting it deserves; I always recommend size 4 Verdana font, and you may want to experiment with centering the text and choosing a different color font to increase reader engagement and make it look more artistic, rather than just a “pile of words” off to one side of the page. A line count at the bottom is also a good idea because it’s nearly always required to enter contests around here, such as "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest or "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest.

As one who dabbles casually and cautiously in poetry writing, I don’t have anything to offer in the way of suggestions for meter, form, structure or word choices. Your writing is your own, and I have a laidback attitude about how anyone puts a good poem together. Poetry can be a highly subjective art form, a vessel for us to pour real or imagined emotions into and share what we’ve created with readers in any way we want.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

An amusing parody of what happens when one “thinks too much,” particularly about physics and complex mathematical equations. I love the tongue in cheek tone, casually tossing a skeleton into the dorm room (from biology class, no doubt *Wink*) and then spelling out the whole mind numbing equation for us, with magical effects. The “…” are somewhat jarring, as we usually expect dialogue of some kind to be contained within quotation marks. I did something similar once and was told “cute, but no,” by a well-respected reviewer around here. You have to try to express what it is that’s being expressed.

My usual formatting suggestions are as follows:
~ Word count at the top so we know what we’re getting into
~ Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices
~ Adding two more relevant genres helps people find your item when browsing and also gives more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would recommend “Experience” or “Satire” or “Scientific” or “Sci-fi.”

Aside from these minor points, I don’t see anything to modify here. You might want to submit this to a contest or two, perhaps "SENIOR CENTER FORUM would be a good choice.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of The Chat  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Good grief. What a vivid and amusing story of siblings. You’ve taken the prompt words and woven them into quite a tale. I loved and related to all the descriptive details: the unbearably hot car, the senseless vacation taken with it, the way all the characters came to life with a few well chosen words. Amy’s unexpected power over her little brother by way of that incident is carefully and politely hinted at by her noticing the local hunks. The steamy summer setting is well placed, and everything is shown in a way that engages our senses.

Formatting is perfect, with clear font, a word count and the prompt neatly included at the bottom. I would recommend adding a third genre now that the contest is over, perhaps “Environment” since you’ve described the setting so well. There’s really not much else I can think of to say about this item… hopefully little Jack isn’t permanently traumatized by his sister’s trick *Laugh*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing! Have fun at GoT *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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17
17
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I found this using the Random Read and Review button. A lovely little poem we have here, full of light and color. I love a good descriptive nature poem, and this has such a soft, peaceful flow to the meter. With just a few simple words you’ve painted a glowing image of the sunrise that fills the sky with purple clouds.

Your formatting is a bit messy, as we see one couplet collided into a single line. You should treat this item not as a casual throwaway, but as a complete piece in your portfolio. I would recommend using size 4 Verdana font, centering the text, and adding three relevant genres, such as “Experience,” “Nature,” and “Inspirational.” This will help bring visibility to the poem. You can also include a line count and consider entering it into "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest, which takes old and new items without a prompt requirement.

As one who loves poetry yet dabbles only cautiously in it, I’m not qualified to advise you on form or structure. I go mainly by instinct, and I know a good poem when I see one. This would look lovely written out on high quality paper in a fancy script handwriting to frame and hang on the wall or use as a gift.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Ah, so we meet again, sir. I was looking under the Family genre and saw your item and knew it would be a good one.

An excellent story of a good cake made even better by ingenuity, and “the icing on the cake” is, it’s true *Laugh* I never heard of that show, but it sounds like fun, and that party must have been a great experience for the kids. I can clearly picture the details of the cake and how the problem was solved by reshaping the scene.

You’ve told the tale in the perfect way; it’s amazing that it’s a real story, because it writes so easily. Everything is there that I might be tempted to harp on: goals, stakes and obstacles; amusing characters including a dog, a granny, a bunch of boys, a clever mom. Your formatting is great, and there’s nothing at all I can see to change. Perhaps a word count at the top would be helpful, but as I’ve been browsing the genres lately I’ve learned how to do a long press on the items on my iPad to pop up the little section with an approximate word count before I open it. (All I have to access WdC with is an iPad and two Android phones… you’d be surprised at how much can be done here on a phone. And did you know that iOS snubs Comic Sans font, substituting a ridiculously formal and almost indecipherable font called Snell Roundhand? Don’t mind me, it’s just a pet peeve…)

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
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Review of Home  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Aww, this was so nice to read. I really appreciated the buildup to your heartwarming climax. I didn't start guessing until the end, though I suspected it was something of the sort because I've read other anecdotes like it (surely you've read the one where the soldier goes to the hospital to tell the old guy that his son died, and instead he becomes the man's son for a few hours until he passes away? That was a tearjerker...)

Your story feels autobiographical, for either you or someone you know. Taking care of our elderly parents is a privilege we must all have a part of someday, whether large or small, and the ability to live within the same neighborhood as one's parents under medical care is a creative idea.

The little details like the Jeep and the business card add realism to the story.

I always suggest size 4 Verdana font; I read this on my phone, so I'm unaware of your formatting choices. Also, I know it's been a long time, but it would be fun to know what prompt it was written for.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hi! I was looking for something rated E in the Comedy genre, and your newly minted tale is right on top. I saw the post by Sophy announcing today’s requirements and couldn’t resist seeing how you did.

When the hog made its way into the smoker, I figured that would be the end of the poor fella… I’m glad your comedic saga turned out well for the hog. It’s a quick, rollicking tale that suits the prompt well.

A couple of typos:

~ “of the park. Park your car” the sentences should be joined by a comma.
~ “must of” I’m uncertain of the tone you’re using here; if it’s a hillbilly speaking, it makes sense, but would they really call Bubba’s a tan brick “establishment?” I’m not feeling a strong Southern accent in the native’s speech, and this grammatical slip up is a little jarring. It could just as easily be an English villager speaking, but the idea of Bubba’s BBQ is distinctly Southern US, and perhaps you missed an opportunity to cultivate a stronger regional atmosphere.

Anyway, enough of that. It was a fun story, brief and to the point. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of I Dare You  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I found this story in the “by online authors” sidebar and figured I’d already found one good story there today and I might as well read another. This was excellent.

You set the scenes clearly and gave us a relatable handful of kids having an adventure in the summer heat alongside a new highway. I’ve seen many a newly widened road in my day, and I could picture everything well. I couldn’t wait to see if the kid made it out safely, though with the first person perspective we can assume he probably gets out alive. It reminds me of an old short story in one of my literature classes, Through the Tunnel by Doris Lessing. You have brought the same basic idea into a much more modern, simple and interesting tale rooted in accessible reality.

The onomatopoeia of the trucks thundering across the road creates tension and sets up unnerving potential, and the final moments where he says he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy and then insists Danny do it too *Laugh* That’ll be a lesson for Danny boy, hopefully. Your youthful characters remind me of a teen band I put together for a contest entry recently.

A fun and classic story that was a pleasure to read. Your formatting is great, and I can’t see anything to suggest for changing here. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I don’t usually read horror stuff, but this is for a project, so here I am.

Ugh. You’ve nailed the gory details quite well, portraying the woman’s insanity in unforgettable terms. She does not understand the woman in the mirror is herself, and displays deeply antisocial and psychotic behavior that chills us to the core. One cannot begin to help her or sympathize with her, we just want to hurry past as quickly as possible, which reflects more on my own feelings about such things than anything else.

I don’t have anything to suggest here; no typos were found, and the story pulls us along inexorably to the predictable conclusion (break the mirror, what else can she do?) You have tapped into our deepest fears about self and our interactions with others, and delved into the depths of conscience or lack thereof. A word count would be good at the beginning so we know whether we can read and review in one sitting. I also appreciate size 4 Verdana font.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Ok, the opening chapter of what appears to be a much longer story. I will try my best to offer advice on this, as I don’t usually read first chapters because they draw me into something that may not ever be completed by either me or the author.

What every good story needs, as Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 will remind you if you send this to his "Crosstimbers Review Request Form, are Goals, Stakes, and Obstacles. You have set up a conflict between the skeptical and busy “nephew” Liam and his eager yet seemingly scatterbrained “uncle” Peter. We are left wondering what exactly “Orgone” is and how it plays into the story, hoping for another chapter where Peter comes into his own properly. The goals of Peter are not quite clear as yet; is he trying to ask Liam for more money to further his strange experiment? Is he looking for a companion to join him in an adventure in a newly discovered dimension? Or is it the potential to make untold millions and he needs a business partner? The stakes are also unclear, as we do not see an unhappy outcome if Liam simply ignores his oddball uncle. Obstacles are quite well defined by the nephew’s preoccupation with business as usual.

There should also be potential for character arcs for both of them, and we do see that in the possibility of them working together on something and becoming a team.

As to formatting, I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Perhaps at the bottom you should let us know if we should go looking in your port for the rest of the story, because it does sound quite interesting despite the vagueness.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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24
Review of Soul Mates  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Wow, what a beautiful and heartfelt “ghost” story that perfectly and literally encapsulates the quote which was the prompt. I loved the happy ending that stymied the stodgy egotistical white coat and his students, and the idea of a “mad scientist” reaching out to his true love who has passed away, through research collaboration, is brilliant and unique.

A minor typo:

~ “Flames peaked from under” the word is “peeked” though perhaps you should choose a more ominous word such as “flickered.”

I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You can gather the author’s notes in a dropnote (just open that up for the rest of the sentence *BigSmile*)
Scene dividers need to be centered, and perhaps stars instead of lines would be a good idea.

Aside from that, I see nothing to change here. It’s a memorable, well crafted story that considers the eternal infinity of love and the vastness of an unknown universe in quiet, personal terms of a man and his soulmate coming together at last.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I love a good children’s story, and this is quite nice. You’ve played up all the childish aspects of it and provided us with a perfect limited POV of the little girls as they attempt to solve mysteries from their lemonade stand. I was unsure of how “serious” the mystery would be, and was relieved to see that the kids didn’t actually get involved with anything criminal. I grew up reading Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys, Three Investigators and Trixie Belden, but as I’ve grown up and matured I’ve realized how incredibly dangerous and ridiculous it is to tell kids that other kids have solved big important criminal cases and involved themselves in matters of life and death.

Anyway, it’s an excellent story, full of realistic characters that leap amusingly off of the pages, from the singsong Carol’s mom to the jovial neighbor and his lovable beagle who finds the missing teddy bear. You’ve described everything clearly and vividly in simple terms, and even included a photo that makes me wonder if the story is at all based in real life memories. Size 4 Verdana font would be nice to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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