\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow
Review Requests: ON
1,317 Public Reviews Given
1,320 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
<   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ...   >
1
1
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

The first thing I want to get out of the way is your formatting. It looks like you uploaded a Word doc file, and it got rather askew in the transmission. What we usually do here is copy our text and paste it directly into the text entry box, and run italics, font size and such through the proprietary markup language. This way you can control paragraph breaks, excess spacing and such. Rather than a hashtag for scene breaks, you can use {center}***{/center}, which looks sleek *Smile* For all the secrets of WML, check out the "writing.com tools" link on the left sidebar and click on "Writing ML: Docs and Help."

Now, the exciting part: what I think of your story! I think it's great, combining humor and eeriness to craft a tale that is rooted in reality yet spins us off on a fantastic ride through a small town in Texas. We grow fond of Tom and his playfulness when he discovers his invisibility, and chuckle as he innocently terrorizes his neighbors. I'm a little puzzled about how he managed to keep his wallet dry even though the entire truck was rendered invisible... *Confused* I suppose that can be creative license, as he couldn't "steal" the noodles, and invisible money would be useless to everyone. Also, can we see the food once he finishes eating it? And the idea of that smashed truck lying around forever sounds quite unnervingly hazardous... The concept of invisibility creates so many weird questions...

Speaking of weird questions, I just started thinking about the old classic, The Invisible Man. I always thought that was such a depressing, meaningless story, and I'm really glad you made yours wholesome and happy while still capturing a surreal vibe. I mean, think how close Tom was to getting shot at by the cop when he played the basketball trick *Shock2*

Everything about this story was fun: the characters, the situations, the tension, the looming question of what would happen long-term, the relief when Tom "rebaptizes" himself in that mud puddle... I wish I could offer some substantial advice on improvement, something on a grainier level, but it's the end of a long day and I can't think of anything other than "great job."

It was a relaxing read, although perhaps I was a little impatient as Tom went around scaring people like a goofball *Laugh* You may want to reconsider the word count; I popped it into a word counter and came out with over 6,000. You should be aware that the Official WdC Contests allow only a 2,000 word limit. 6k is considered rather overlong around here, as over the years we have shifted away from being more of a novel workshop kind of site to a largely short form site. I guess you could say we've gone the way of social media sites like Twitter... Soundbites and attention spans, you know *Think*

Other than that, it was great, and I'm glad to have found it.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What a great question: what if I do stop and enjoy life? It challenges all the unhappy thoughts that bounce through one's head, threatening to take down our well-being. We see the narrator take a deep breath and remember who they are, and that it's ok to be human and do things that give us our identity.

I love the tidy spacing and the short, quick free verse lines, drawing us down through the questions and leaving us to draw our own conclusions and themes. Why be bogged down in sadness and gloom when at the very least we can play some music to drown out the intrusive thoughts...?

You should add two more relevant genres to the item, so it can be more easily found when browsing and also to give as many opportunities as possible for Quill Award Nominations (for more information on The Quills, see Jeff Author Icon) I would recommend Drama, Psychology, Experience or Philosophy.

I think you should try entering this at "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" Open in new Window., it seems like the sort of thing they'd appreciate. It's always great fun to win a ribbon on a deserving item *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Duke  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Kiya!

I've noticed this bopping around for a while now, and thought I'd check it out finally. I wasn't sure what to expect: darkness, despair, or absurd humor. You have such a knack for vividly portraying all sides of life. The story of a boy and a dog who never got along is both heart-wrenching and heartwarming, as we see the man signing off the ageing canine to a family who can give it the love it deserves. His character is striking; rather than exacting some kind of revenge or avoiding the situation, he faces up to it with as much kindness as he can muster up and ensures the dog has a secure future.

You used nice clear font, employing both paragraph spacing and opening line indents, which gives it maximum readability without appearing too tedious on the page. As a story for the Writer's Cramp, it's well crafted, with a memorable and unusual yet relatable situation. Not everyone likes dogs.

I need to get used to making at least one suggestion for improvement again, as per Annette's requirements next month. I would suggest making a dropnote with the notes at the bottom, rather than just lining them up. Actually, I can take a hint for myself... I don't think I linked the prompts or the activity when I did seven days of Writer's Cramp last September *Shock2*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Code Talkers  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Steph!

Please excuse the template, it's ahead of time, but I'm just testing it out *Smile*

I really enjoyed this quick story; it has action, danger and tension without any gore, and it's rooted in history. We see the Navajo soldiers "up close and personal" as they perform their duties, supporting their fellow soldiers in the war. I remember reading about them in my history books, but it's always exciting to "see and feel" things, like watching a movie. I like the flow and the setting descriptions, and find it easy to understand (sometimes war stories can be a bit technical, with the guns and ships and whatnot...)

I would suggest moving the prompt, activity and word count info to the bottom of the page, perhaps in a dropnote. That way, we can get right into the story and avoid potential confusion of the datelines.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Heartt*
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Sibyl  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings *Smile*

I discovered this quirky piece using the Random Read and Review button.

It's a cheeky, kid-friendly sort of myth, inspired by the Disney live action reimagining of The Little Mermaid. I like how it's rooted in an earthy, realistic setting, right down to the town and state and geography. If the setting and narrator is autobiographical, it's nice to meet you. I don't know if I've even read your bio since I've started reviewing your poetry as part of PPC5. Oh, congrats on finishing it!

The theme is universal and greatly appreciated, though I honestly don't think another message begging us for peace would do much. Also, what reasoning is behind the idea of everyone having black mermaid DNA? Is it a symbol of unity and a nod to our ingrained mystical instincts?

Cute and fun, I enjoyed it *Mermaid*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of The Fallen Knight  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

This is a deeply sad and highly metaphorical fable of a young boy crossing over to the next great adventure. We hang on tight, hoping to see him thrive, and feel a touch of anguish when it seems as though nothing more is to happen when the lights go out. Your frame of a daring knight escaping from prison is a fitting allegory for the universal human yearning for a release from the burdens of life lived in sickness and poverty. Unfortunately, the ending seems unhappy and fatalistic, as we see the journey end in exhaustion and darkness, with only a fleeting glimpse of what we might hope was heaven, rather than the boy reaching a heavenly reward or even a healing after surgery. I personally prefer a more faith based worldview, with the optimism of a happy ending making up for any amount of suffering in this life.

I would suggest you choose three relevant genres for your item, because it will put your story in front of as many people as possible who are searching, and it will provide your item with more chances to be nominated for Quill Awards. I might choose Spiritual, Mythology, Fantasy, Tragedy, Death, Philosophy, Teen, Drama, Dark, Gothic, or Psychology.

I found this to be quite striking and memorable, but perhaps your sentence structures could be tidied up a little more. Are you perhaps a non-native English learner? You have done well here; I can see you have a bright imagination. Perhaps you would like to use ChatGPT or Grammarly to help you see how your prose could be smoother.

I look forward to seeing more of your work around here. I'm glad to have met you *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Impatients  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sox!

I'm here for I Write 2025 *Smile*

Ahh, we have here a thoroughly depressing and unfortunately all too relatable story. Who hasn't felt the frustration of missing the breakfast deadline by two minutes? The temptation to take it out on the cashier is strong, especially when one is hangry. As a neurodivergent person, I honestly much prefer using the kiosk or the mobile app than speaking to a human. Yet the technological hoops one has to jump through have their complications as well. There's nothing quite as awful as losing money on a technical glitch.

All the big stuff is done nicely here: font size, three relevant genres, prompt info, word count, etc. I'll just point out a few refining twiddles you may want to consider. First, is the title correct? Are you perhaps conflating impatience and "impatient people?" Or is that intentional? Then, the word "finally" is used twice within three sentences, which isn't recommended. Then, at the end, the word "going" is used twice in the same sentence. You may want to reframe these for a more refined prose.

Ok, I'm done nitpicking *Laugh* Great work! You've captured an instantly recognizable moment, and I sympathize for your characters.

Oh, best wishes for that ramp *Pray* I don't know what to say to help. You're in my prayers *HeartRate1*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Start Here  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Jeffrey!

I'm back *BigSmile* This drabble looks like fun. I'll point out right at the beginning, your subtitle has a typo in it...

I love writing drabbles. There's something so satisfying about writing exactly 100 words, capturing a beginning, middle and end without having to worry about dragging out character development, dialogue, setting, pacing, and all the gazillion little frustrating things that come into play when writing a longform story. If you don't mind, I'll toot my own horn and invite you to stop by "Pocket Size Stories" Open in new Window. for adventures in drabbles - including the story of a band, told in three independent ones *Delight*

This one captures what feels more like a well-made vignette than a complete story. I don't usually fuss too much over what others tell me are the "rules" for drabbles, because I seem to have a pretty good instinct about them, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to go over them with you. Our Aussie pal S 🤦 Author Icon is prepping a drabble party for the WdC 25th Anniversary celebration in September, so I'm hyped about that.

So, yeah: beginning, middle, end, and conflict. There should be a resolution of some kind by the end, and conflict comes in several varieties: man against man, man against nature, man against machine, man against higher power, or flip any of those PoVs (for instance, nature against nature if you personify animals or machine against who knows what if you do sci-fi...)

Using these points, I see we have a man and a machine. I spot a contradiction in the use of the word "patience." He stared patiently at the screen, yet he didn't have the patience to use a pen and paper? Also, I want to be sure I have the twist down right. At first I thought maybe he was a police officer, a newbie. But it's fairly obvious by the end, he's the person of interest. Which leaves us with more of a tease than anything else, a glimpse of a potentially criminal mind at work. In fact, I just realized why he didn't want to write by hand - evidence *Shock2*

Wow, ok, now I'm impressed. That was quite clever. Perhaps you don't need any advice on this one after all *Laugh* What fun!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of Business As Usual  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Jeffrey!

I've spent the past couple weeks hopping around in your port, and I've quite enjoyed myself, mostly in the Flash Fiction folder. FF is a great way to pass the time and dabble in genres I wouldn't usually read, from crime and horror to tragedy and "shock jock..." Other times, such as this one, your work is downright hilarious. Be warned, I'll probably be doing a few more reviews for you through the end of the month, because I have a certain number of stories required for "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window. and it can be wearisome finding people and items I care for on a daily basis. Your briefer work is like brain candy, a box of chocolates... Some of them are a little wormy *Wink*

I love this–two bungling robbers *Rolling* No one gets hurt, and there aren't any dark twists (spoilers!) It's a bright, quick pop that had me chuckling along with the cashier. It would make a great YouTube skit.

As previously mentioned (I know it gets tedious to read the same recommendations over and over, so I'll try not to mention this again) the Contest Entry genre is a dead end when it comes to putting your items out there for people to find, or for Quill Award nominations.

Then, in the second sentence, a comma is needed between "gun" and "nonplussed." And it's "disappointment of" towards the end–love that moment! Also, the third sentence up from the bottom has the word "as" twice; I'm sure there's a better way to frame it.

I'm just nitpicking to make this worthwhile... I'm delighted with the story otherwise. Thanks for giving me a packed port to go through.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review of Mosaic  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Ken!

Well, it isn't too often I find one of your items on the Random Read and Review button.

I love a good nature poem, and this one is lovely. You've painted mysterious dreamy pictures of things hidden in the mist, and given us a larger theme to ponder with the reminder to stop, look and appreciate the glories of a morning view. There's nothing quite as peaceful as having the early morning and sunrise all to yourself before the hectic rush of the day.

This is good enough to write out and make into a fridge magnet or something as a little gift. I'm happy to have been in a flurry and hurry and chosen the "motivated" review route for my daily review *Laugh*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of We the People  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Cheshire!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

These are wise, rousing words discussing our precious freedom. As I sit here I am free to do a variety of things with my life. Though I am poor, I hope for the best and work to improve myself. Having just watched news of Putin and Trump, I'm wrestling with the concepts of war, peace and freedom and wondering why it's so hard to reach an agreement when so much suffering is taking place. Your thoughtful essay adds to the discussion, reminding us that power corrupts and that people's worst instincts are based in fear and mistrust. We are afraid of those unlike us, even though we proclaim freedom to be unique and different.

We can hope and work to overcome what frightens us and see the humanity within everyone. We need to realize when strong leaders are manipulating us and causing division and strife.

I would recommend using {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of your item to enlarge it and make for an easier reading experience across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Work  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, this is different: an unfinished story written as a personal anecdote. I love the old-fashioned style, and it feels like you're setting up for a fine yarn with lots of potential for character development and amusing adventures.

Perhaps one thing I'm most curious about is: is this biographical or fictional? If biographical, then you look to have had a long and interesting life. If fictional, it's always fun to write about past eras, childhood and coming of age. I don't know how long or short this will be, or what themes you'll be working with, but I have a few general suggestions as you move forward.

One, you should pick three relevant genres for your item when it's done. This helps get your item in front of the biggest audience of people browsing and also helps give as many opportunities as possible for Quill Award nominations.

Two, you should also pick out a nice cover art for the item to help it stand out among the others. (Also, don't forget to set off paragraphs in your final work *Smile*)

Three, you should learn about our proprietary markup language, which you can use to enlarge the font size and style. Our help document is "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window., and you can also click on "Writing.com Tools" in the left sidebar and then "WritingML: Docs and Help." I like putting {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of all items to set it at the best and easiest reading experience for all abilities and devices.

I greatly look forward to reading this when it's complete. You can always make it private while you work on it, so people don't pester you with "advice" - not that they will, this is a pretty laid-back site.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

To answer your questions first: have you tried a different spelling? Since it's a fantasy story, the names don't have to bear resemblance to real ones in this world. You could spell it Ayrene, or Arene, or Aireen, or Ayreen, or something properly phonetic as you would like it. Aerene? If you use the modified spelling you suggested, her nickname can then be spelled more phonetically, since people don't usually spell out nicknames anyway. Ayree?

Second question, I do like the invented name "octanium." I think this would be suitable for your team of eight.

On a different level, I hope to see more of your writing. This was an excellent tease!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of A Tragic Mix-Up  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Jeffrey!

I noticed this on the sidebar and thought it looked rather dark and dreadful. I'm a sucker for reading what I'll later regret, so I clicked on it *Laugh*

This is super funny and relatable. The descriptions of the mess, the well-meaning husband and the wife's reaction to it is at once endearing and hilarious. I've never heard the phrase of infuriated agreement at the end, so learned something new from reading this. It's simple, to the point, yet vivid and clearly envisioned. In fact, dare I whisper, it sounds like a true story? *Shock2* *FacePalm*

I would suggest adding three relevant genres, such as Comedy, Experience, Food/Cooking, or Drama, or Relationship, or Home/Garden. This will help people find it when browsing and also help it have as many chances as possible for Quill nominations. Also, you might want to add a note in the subtitle that it's a flash winner, so we know it's good and it isn't overly long.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
15
15
Review of A Clean Escape  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir!

I noticed this on the sidebar and thought it looked like a nice quick read. I love flash fiction because, even if it's a subject matter I don't especially care for, it's over quickly and I don't have to waste too many brain cells fretting over it. This, far from being dark and gloomy, is a delightfully witty piece where we can root for the escapee and chuckle at the inherent pun in his mode of egress.

The setting is vaguely ancient, with dungeons and harsh punishment, yet satirically modern, with lunch hour and a jangling cleaning wagon. It invites us to consider societal norms and the complexities of justice... If we cared to bother. Otherwise, it's a lighthearted, tongue in cheek, and kid-friendly short that would make a fun bedtime story.

You've used nice clear font with good paragraph spacing, making an easy reading experience. I would give a couple suggestions on presentation to potential readers: your subtitle and primary genre are enough to have the item slide into the dust, unappreciated. Do try to actually describe what the story is about, in a teasing way, in the subtitle. And the primary genre could at least be Drama, or Action/Adventure, or Crime/Gangster, or Fantasy, or Folklore, or even Philosophy. Anything but Contest Entry *Crazy* Ok, rant over.

Loved this! Glad I noticed it *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
for entry "Tortilla!" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

Congratulations on completing your PPC5 challenge *Party*

Ah, now who doesn't love a taco? "You can't please everyone, you're not a taco" is a favorite phrase of mine... Do you know about Taco Tuesday? It's actually a thing in America. There was a kerfuffle over the years about trademarking the two words; some no name taco shops had claimed ownership of it, much to the chagrin of Taco Bell, who lobbied to have Taco Tuesday be a common use term. I just learned a couple days ago that they succeeded, and now Taco Tuesday is safe for everyone to use.

Looking at your poem, I can't resist thinking that in just the right British accent, all the lines would rhyme the same *Laugh* *Taco* yes, those tortillas are wonderfully versatile. The only thing I'm sometimes concerned about is the lime used in processing, but I think they're making lime free ones now.

A simple, matter of fact poem - what can I say? Precisely 25 words and conveys a tasty image *Hungry* Good work!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
for entry "The Place In Between" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

Well, well! We've succeeded in completing the Promptly Poetry Challenge for 2024/5 *Delight* You are far more experienced at it than I - this was my first rodeo *CowboyHat* Hopefully not my last...

I love your spin on this... It reminds me of the meme "I need more space" with the NASA logo or galaxies. There's a certain wistfulness in releasing bonds and shooting for the stars, all by one's lonesome, but there's also a certain freedom in finally being free of a relationship that just wasn't working. (Wait, a freedom in being free... *Confused* My brain is melting *Laugh*)

So... Yeah. I'm at a loss, but Dave just sent me a review of one of my poems, so I can use that framework to guide my scatterbrain... The title we've been required to use here is fairly interesting. I can say that your structure and form are simple and suitable for the conversational yet solitary contemplation involved. Your narrative is strongly specific, with concrete details. My overall impression is of a bag of mixed emotions... Relief and also sadness.

Well done, and congratulations on completing the challenge *Party*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, sir!

I found this a fairly easy story to follow, once I settled myself into the mythical universe. There's an established (human?) religion, and then there's magic, and the creatures thereof. The boy knows both too much and not enough, simultaneously... His befuddled innocence bounces off against the wisdom of the elf girl fellow student who saves him from disaster.

The scholastic setting was amusing and relatable; it reminded me of Harry Potter, of which I know nothing except that it's a school of magic *Pthb*

Overall, the theme comes through of someone who's in over their head. I'm wondering if Moll is really Oliver's blood brother and if so, how they ended up in such vastly different spheres. There's potential here for themes akin to the Arcane (League of Legends) storyline... Something else I know nearly nothing of except from the Imagine Dragons song Enemy.

I don't quite understand where the "day elf," Fihvyx, comes from. It's obvious by the time we get to the school that she's a spider elf like the others, but how is she also a day elf? Is she the only one at the school? How do all the characters at the school relate? Why is such a thing allowed in a land where it's looked down upon? Who are the beings held back by the dragon? Is the land under the thrall of a dragon pretending to be the light? I noticed the idea of serpents, too.

There's a lot you can do with this; it feels like a vignette, a scene from a larger work, but it could also stand by itself, with a little polish as you mentioned.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

I'm here for I Write in 2025 *Smile*

Well... If I were Soldier Mike, I would tease apart your poetic form to see if you did it correctly! As it is, my eyes glaze over and I refrain from counting syllables in this weather!

Seriously, I love your theme. We all need at least one person in our lives who is kind and loving and creates a safe space for us to express ourselves in all our messy feelings. It's an important part of growth and gaining maturity.

I love the big cheerful grape-candy colored font you've used, it's engaging and emotive.

Glancing over the rules for the poem, I get an instinctive feel that you've succeeded in creating it correctly. At any rate, the expression of love and appreciation is sincere and heartfelt. I do hope you share these feelings with your aunt and let her know how much of a positive impact she makes in the lives of you and her family.

I don't say this often, because it usually comes to mind when I've run out of ideas for a sensible review, but would you consider setting this out in fancy script and printing it as a gift? You don't have to write it by hand; word processors can make gorgeous things these days. Your aunt would love it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
for entry "Mama's hands" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sox!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge - soon to be PPC6 *Delight* I'm also here to deliver the 100th review on your poetry folder *Party*

Wow, what a clear and concise way of putting it. It's a haiku, kind of. When I saw the prompt, I assumed Lilli meant a poem of precisely 25 words. I didn't realize it could be fewer. You've captured so much here: decades of hard work, the cycle of life, raising kids, the finality and inevitability of old age, the way we think we're immortal until one day we realize we aren't, the difficulties of motherhood and the importance of gratitude, the commonality of the human experience... Probably a million more things neither of us realized.

What can I say? Well, the font could stand to be a bit bigger... You know I always say Size 4 Verdana *Laugh* it's ok if we blame Jack Author Icon for the advice *Wink* If there was a haiku contest or something similar, I'd recommend you drop this off there. As it is, I'm happy to find it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Finally  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Marigold, and welcome to writing.com!

I found this on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it looked like an interesting read. Around here, one never knows what kind of dark twists lurk beneath seemingly charming stories, but yours is comfortably cozy throughout. The storyline has lots of fun descriptions, warmth and prettiness that will delight any soft soul.

I would recommend tightening up the prose a little, because the flow was rather tedious. I can see you took a lot of time with this and poured lots of details into it, but it feels like just a tiny bit too plodding. I found myself skimming over, looking for the unexpected disaster. What I might suggest, is to try working within a tight word limit. I popped the story into a word counter and it came out over 3200 words. In order to submit to one of the Official WdC Contests, at the top of "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com" Open in new Window., your story needs to be under 2k words. If you're forced to keep within a limit, you'll look at your writing style in a whole new light, asking yourself what exactly needs to be included to give the readers what they need to know to move the story forward.

You can start with a summarization: big wedding, excited families, rainstorm, happily ever after. That's all. How much meat do you want to add to those bones?

Instead of describing every single detail, you can give just enough details to paint the picture. Instead of naming every single person in the family, focus on three or four or five and use their interactions and dialogues to fill us in on the hustle and bustle.

Also, I would sincerely recommend you use a larger font size. Simply add {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of your text block, and that will adjust it, using our proprietary markup language.

This is overall a super cute story, with loveable characters, a happy ending, and the inevitable unexpected weather outburst. I love learning more about how weddings work, because I've never attended one. The beauty and excitement and dreams and love is palpable here. You just need to streamline it a bit so our eyes don't glaze over *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

I always like coming across a poem that flows like song lyrics; I spent a lot of time listening to and "studying" music, and I've developed a feel for what makes a good lyrical poem. You have the repetitions, the choral parts, the verses, the buildup of tension, a downturn and a final upturn as we see you hoping and praying for restoration and peace. It has a balanced flow and is easy to read without being overly tedious, as some lyrics can be.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of Wealth Untold  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, sir, and thank you for requesting a review *Smile*

For some reason I assumed you were a newbie when I saw this request... Then I remembered I'd fanned you a few days ago and saw you've been around since 2018, which is quite a bit longer than I have.

The first thing I thought of when I read this poem is... Don't feel like I'm trying to cheapen your work in any way; I respect Dan Reynolds as a songwriter, and for me to say this is a compliment. Your poem about the danger of wealth brought this to mind:

video ▼

So... I really appreciate the concepts and themes behind this poem. I think perhaps you should consider what you intended to convey with the repeated use of the word "bare." Did you by any chance mean to use "bear" instead? Also, when you say "A visionary to the wast future," I'm reminded of Sam Weller in Charles Dickens. Perhaps you meant to say "vast?" Or "wasted?" Also, where you say "For those who in need" towards the end, I think you've left off a word, "are in need." These little things pull one out of focus when reading because we wonder what it's supposed to mean and whether it's a mistake.

You have a nice flow here, sort of like a rap or a spoken word poem, with casual rhymes and repetitions that create a rhythm, bringing us down through the poem. The theme is strong, warning us of the temptations and responsibilities that come with great wealth, and the fact that we can't take it with us and we all become dust in the end. Perhaps a cover image would help this piece be more easily noticed among the drifts of poetry that flow through WdC. You can probably pull a good one from the stock collection they offer.

Perhaps, too, you might want to emphasize in the subtitle exactly what the theme is about, instead of wasting words expressing a certain carelessness about the product. Be loud and proud! How is your poem about wealth different from the next one? What makes your approach unique? Let us know before we read it!

Overall, this is an excellent poem with a memorable message, well formatted to stand out with bold font. I believe it could stand a bit of proofreading, which honestly I don't usually say about poetry because of artistic license and such. Other than that, it's great. You even have three suitable genres to help people find it when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Too Much Blue  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Jeff, and welcome to writing.com!

This review is long overdue *Laugh*

I should start with the basic proofreading stuff and get it out of the way. At the word "overview" right on top of Earth's report card, you have an extra curly bracket. Further down, where Zuzu thinks "almost time for lunch," there's a cutoff sentence opening. You've used "their" instead of "there" several times, which is kinda jarring. And while you're there, the three "taps" of Todd's quill pen should be separated by spaces. Ok, nothing else particularly worth mentioning except for a stray bit of markup language at the very last sentence.

If you want, I would highly recommend using a larger font size. My WdC favorite is Size 4 Verdana. Since you've bolded and italicized, I assume you know the basics of WML...

The story is amusingly desultory... What we think of heaven is not what it feels like to those responsible for maintaining the universe *Rolling* *Angelic* I really enjoyed the way it was ultimately so lighthearted; I expected something dark and depressing, especially when rocks were added to the mix *Shock2* Analytically, I'm not especially good at reading, writing or reviewing satire or comedy; I have this peculiar tendency to take everything at face value, and implausible situations either confuse or annoy me. I do appreciate the tongue in cheek approach here, though I wonder which contest you entered it into.

Which brings me to genres: you may want to add a third more relevant genre than "contest entry." Perhaps Entertainment or Philosophy or Mythology or even Spirituality would be great.

As a whole, this was a cute read, giving the heavenly realm a sort of "The Office" flavor, with relatable, infinitely boring jobs and even more dull interaction! Makes one wish for a villain to make it interesting... I'm not sure I trust that Cosmo fellow *Sly* Maybe that could be your sequel *Ha*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I'm here for I Write 2025 *Smile*

What an exhausting month... Are you glad it's almost over? I sure am!

You have taken a serious and thoughtful approach to the subject, keeping the prompt questions at the top of your essay to guide and maintain focus. I might suggest setting the prompt off in italics to emphasize they are not your words.

You begin by pointing out how the issue has been dealt with already, citing an author who considered it by writing a story. I find that quite interesting because I also chose to approach the prompt fictionally.

I observed you didn't quite offer any discussion of whether humans are capable of living beyond the earth. Physically speaking, I personally don't think humans are designed for outer space... Well, that's pretty obvious. It would take a huge amount of effort to create a stable environment for people to thrive, and that's assuming you could find a planet that wasn't too close or too far away from a star of similar size to the sun. The odds of finding a planet safe to colonize are such that it seems as if God didn't want us going far afield.

I should remember I'm not here to answer the questions but to review your answers. As such, I found the essay easy to read and understand, though perhaps a bit rambling, but no more than I would have if I'd chosen to write an essay *Laugh*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
801 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 33 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow