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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry
Review Requests: ON
461 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
These poems are gorgeous. I love the imagery of nature and the pretty scenery. It creates a sense of the women being at one with nature. I enjoyed the idea of the Indian Princess being a wind-dancer, such a wonderful concept. The poems were all well written.
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Review of THE SAREE  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like how you opened with a list of the characters to make the story easy to follow and give the reader a taste of the storyline. I've listed below a few alterations in square brackets that would improve this section:
Ramesh -An acquaintance of -Anandmohan. [ the - isn't needed before Anandmohan]
Manoj - Son of Ramesh who lives in Mumbai. Works in films. Make [s] the arrangements of cannabis for celebrities.
Padmini – A film heroin[e].

Section 1 - I loved the opening line as it caught my attention and made me want to read on. The story line sounds tense and the dialogue worked well. As I was reading it I felt that this was something between a play and a story. I think it might work better if you decided which genre to go with and altered the opening section before the dialogue accordingly e.g. for a story make it into the thoughts of one of the characters or for a play make it into dialogue and scene setting directions.
There is no space after the full stop here: 'New York.After eating'

Section 2 - I like how the saree comes in, taking the reader back to the title of the piece. Sarees are so beautiful and the very title of this piece caught my attention for that fact, although I know the significance of the saree goes beyond this in your story. Here I noticed that there appeared to be spaces before and after the dialogue enclosed in quotation marks, maybe check your word document to see if these unneeded spaces show up there as I know WDC can play tricks with spacing!

Section 3 - It was interesting reading more details of the arranged marriage. Anandmohan was well characterised and I got an immediate sense of what kind of man he is. There is an extra full stop here by mistake: 'easily done. .'

Section 4 - It was nice to return to the discussion about the costume and sarees that give this piece its title.

Section 5 - This was a well written and tense section and I felt for Manoj as he felt compelled to handle the illegal drugs to make ends meet. I particularly liked this description: 'He felt as if he had a time bomb in his pocket.'

Section 6 - The plot starts to move as the death of the actor is announced and related to the drugs. This adds tension as readers want to discover how the story will unfold.

Section 7 - The women putting on their sarees lightened the mood and added to the impression of their characters. I like how there is a kind of rivalry going on here between the women as expressed through their clothing. There is no space needed before the question mark here: today's ceremony ?"

Section 8 - This section builds on the previous section and it holds the reader's interest as the wedding dawns.

Section 9 - This worked well at drawing the story together by combining the diverse idea of the drugs, sarees and wedding. You missed a full stop before 'Most' here: Barat had arrived Most of the women and men

Section 10 - This rounded up the story well. I'm pleased there was a fulfilling ending with Manoj staying away from the drugs. The females discussing sarees was also a nicely noted detail.






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Rise of Refuge  
for entry "Chapter 4 - Dates
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A great mix of modern details and a sci-fi world. My favourite parts were Anette and Teo going on a date drinking milkshakes with the funny comments made by the waitress and Illora transforming and attending the prom which was a good blend of surreal and relatable elements.
4
4
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
What a fantastic ending to this poem, it summed up the story well and gave it a deeper meaning. The story was moving, exciting and romantic. I enjoyed reading about the Native American woman making a canoe and living in the wild - such a skilled and beautiful woman. The story felt real with its sense of history - customs and names of the Native Americans and the couple joining the friendly white people and living there sharing Cherokee customs with their children.
5
5
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A great poem that worked well at conveying Native American history. The spirit connection Native Americans have with animals is amazing. I love how they lived in such an understanding relationship with the land, not letting any buffalo go to waste and being kind welcoming the white men with open arms at first even though a lot of the white people became beastly to them and damaged the land. The poem was well written and had a nice sense of flow.
6
6
Review of A Christmas Visit  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was such a beautiful and moving tale. It touched my heart and I'm sure it will move others who could not have the Christmases with their families they wanted due to the pandemic. Making a snowman for the bereaved mother and leaving it outside with signs that it was made by the daughter was such a vivid and lovely idea. I can imagine the mother's surprise. It shows how family bonds endure despite difficulties.
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7
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
The story in this poem works well and I like how it is revealed only near the end that the heroine is a mermaid. The tale was full of adventure and romance and heartbreak but I'm pleased the pirate and mermaid were united in the end.
8
8
Review of The Favor  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story made me smile. I love how you unfolded the details about the faerie throughout the story. The mix of modern, relatable details and magic worked well.
9
9
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great story, as a lover of fantasy and dragons I appreciated this. The plot was introduced naturally and the worldbuilding and characters were excellent.
10
10
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant! Such an entertaining read, I can tell why the class fell for the story in spite of its flaws as you are an excellent storyteller. The pace of the story was good and I loved the amusing anecdotes like telling the class there was a park with play equipment there and leaving the camera behind. The tale made me reflect on childhood and interactions with peers and school life.
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11
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Global warming and losing the ice caps the polar bears live on is so sad, it was great to see you brining it to the attention of readers of this story. I liked how well you portrayed the character and emotions of the Ice Princess. She reminds me of Mary from Downton Abbey somewhat in her relationship with Snow how reminds me of Edith! There were times when the two of them made up but generally they couldn't get along and it was interesting when they had to work together.
12
12
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This sounds a great writing prompt, I love the exotagonist concept and I haven't heard of it before. I'll get my notebook out and see what I come up with trying to create a story with an exotagonist, antagonist and villain ...
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13
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A lovely story, it come easily be one of the Just So stories. It was easy to follow and so children would be enthralled by this. I liked the idea of the animals being related and there being tribes of animals that are ruled by the Great Spirit. I liked the sense of family.
14
14
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A sweet, romantic story full of potential drama. I hope that the princess and her lover find a way to escape the mean king's anger and be together all the time rather than having to only be together in secret. I like the idea of a secret room.
15
15
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Wonderful! I especially like the way in which you call the wolf 'beautiful and majestic' and then show the reader why though the lovely, detailed descriptions. I liked where you said his fur looks like silk. The ending was a surprise as it revealed the wolf was actually a calendar picture that you were looking at and made a nice twist to the poem.
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Review of Rise of Refuge  
for entry "Chapter 3 - Stress
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like how being Chief Factor isn’t all smooth play and glory for Annette and is full of the aggravations that comes with being a real leader juggling meeting etc. A nice well written piece.
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Review of "My pleasure."  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A fascinating read. I’ve done research into the WW1 era reading letters by a wartime nurse so this story set in 1915 captured my attention. I enjoyed the descriptions and I could easily picture the scene. Details like the colour of Leia’s blouse and other costume details set the historical character of the scene. The part where Leia releases her mother’s ashes was moving. The story had an eerie feel created by the setting which added to the memorable way in which Leia hears the voice almost as if it is part of nature. This story was well written and I can find nothing to alter.
Happy writing!
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18
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I’m pleased there was a happy ending for the princess who got her lovely children. The troll sounds scary but the fairy was lovely granting wishes. The prompt words were well integrated throughout the poem.
19
19
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A beautiful piece about your favourite things about Christmas. I too could enjoy looking at the pretty lights and listening to Christmas music all year round! It makes me wish it was Christmas again reading this...
20
20
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautifully written story, the characters and fantasy world are well drawn and this chapter held my attention well. The dialogue and descriptions were especially good. I greatly liked the way in which you drew contrasts between the birth of the two babies.
In the opening I noticed an A added by mistake: magic.Â
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Review of Icemare!  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Beautiful, eerie and spooky. It fits the caption well.
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Review of River Crossing  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great piece of writing - well-written and engaging. The plot idea is great and full of suspense, I expect a tale of drama and romance to unfold for the pair as they escape their slavery and I hope they make it to safety in the end. This plot idea has lots of potential. The descriptions were vivid and made me feel like I was there as the couple ran through the storm and made it across the bridge. I hope there will be more.
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23
Review of Hope and Maybe  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.0)
A nicely written, short piece that makes me intrigued to read more of this story. I feel that it needs a little more adding to it at points, though, to make it a clearer introduction for readers like me who don't know the story. For example, (Well, as normal as can be expected) was puzzling as I didn't understand what was abnormal about Sophie and her friends so maybe include what unusual things there are about them e.g. special superhuman abilities. Also maybe explain who Sophie's dad is e.g. is he special in any way, from a particular superhuman race or has he got a special job in the world of your story?
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
It's wonderful that you have so many items in your portfolio, there is always something new to look forward to reading. This was a sweet poem and I loved how the little girl made friends with fairies and had lovely times in the wood playing with them and they helped her escape bullies at school. It was sad she could no longer see them as an adult but the ending where her children see them and she says fairies will always be her friends is nice.
25
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Review of Rise of Refuge  
for entry "Chapter 2 - Time
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A nicely done chapter. It has the same mix of relatable everyday things in an alien world and with characters with alien abilities that make your stories so interesting and believable. My favourite part was the autograph for Margie which underscores Annette's importance and kindness as she stops to take time for a lovely autograph with a little girl.
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