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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry
Review Requests: ON
1,498 Public Reviews Given
1,552 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story, in turns amusing and gripping (pun intended, just like the army tank haha!) had me reading on with interest. You conveyed how everyday life contains bizarre and unexpected incidents well and prepared readers for this with the opening paragraphs about the various accidents and injuries your children got into on camping trips. The army tank is certainly extremely memorable and sounds a very awkward rescue, I'm pleased Christopher was relatively okay after his time with this arm stuck!
I found the final sentence a little confusing, perhaps "he never would talk about it afterwards" or something similar would make it clearer?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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2
Review of Prahlada  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did an excellent job of conveying this sanscrit story in an interesting way. I had the feel both of traditional storytelling and of capturing the character and anger of Hiranyakasipu realistically to hold the interest of the reader. His hatred for his son and the ways in which he tortured him for his worship of Vishnu made the king's ending well deserved. I thought the message of how no mortal can outwit a god no matter how canny they try to be worked well.
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3
Review of A FRIEND  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful and inspiring piece of writing to a special friend. As well as being specifically about Sandra, the piece brings in a lot of good points about what makes for a good friend as she motivates others through the way she approaches difficult time and how she shares her abundance of wisdom, creativity and smiles in way that make others feel better when they are around her. The praise to God for such a good friend that ends this piece works well and giving it a deeper resonance.
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Review of The Curse  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The opening sentence came across as a bit more tell than show and I’d like to be in Robert’s head more here, maybe worried he is late for a job meeting and it will rain. The colourful scarves caught my attention.
The gypsy’s curse added interest into the everyday scene and I enjoyed the introduction of fantasy elements like a curse and faerie folk. Robert’s angry reaction justifies the curse.
For the part where Robert wakes up, maybe he had a nightmare about the curse but thinks his routine is so ordinary it dispels his worries? Something like this would keep the plot in focus and keep readers in his head.
The idea of the weather curse was original and interesting and I like how at first Robert failed to convince Youbain to lift the curse and he had to learn a lesson about everything mattering, no matter how small. There is room for a few more vivid descriptions of the varied weather disasters to make these parts of the story even more realistic.
Overall well written without spelling and grammar errors.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the conversational and humorous tone of this piece that sets up for a story full of amusing anecdotes. For people who know nothing about fishing, such as myself, it was useful to have the list of equipment and what it is used for alongside more humorous notes on the items based on experience, such as that catfish like to nibble human toes and that the hooks can pose a variety of dangers.
The opening with the main character getting up at 3am worked well to pose intrigue and the reason why she needed to do so was well explained. I enjoyed this vivid description of how tired she feels: "I have toothpicks holding up my eyelids".

Some suggestions:
Perhaps there is a missing word here (e.g. wake and dress the kids): "I still must dress, the kids, get the dog ready, and feed the cat"
I'd like to know that the kids and dog are going on the fishing trip too at this point as that wasn't clear to me until the kids got into the car. How do they feel about the fishing trip when they get woken up early -- do they spring awake excited or react in a more grumpy way?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of 10 Days of Spring  
for entry "Fantasy Convention
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the idea of setting a story at a fantasy convention. The fantasy castle setting was beautifully described and I loved the blend of different characters. Is there a word limit to this? The ending felt a little rushed so I’d maybe add a bit more to in if possible? For example, one minute Sharon was worried she hadn’t changed into her costume and the next she was dressed as Arwen. Maybe describe to costume and how it feels to wear? Also I’d like one of two more sentences right at the end about how she feels transported into the magical world.
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7
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece does well at incorporating a lot of ideas relating to the Counting Stars song. Christina Grimme’s life and how the song links to her is explored first. I liked how the piece then moves on to link to a quote from literature about a greedy businessman seen counting stars by a prince who believes in a more beautiful and spiritual role for stars. This led on to a wider message about wealth and the meaning of life.
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Review of Daffodils  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a meaningful poem about the joy of spring and the natural world and how as a child it seems to hold treasure as the little girl collects daffodils to put on her birthday cake. I enjoyed the contrast in the final stanza as we see her as a grown woman hardened by experience but the sight of daffodils takes her back to a happy time in her life as she remembers her birthday as a child and the pretty garden the the maple and bird singing. The story about the writer at the end was poignant -- thank you for sharing Mary's words on WDC so they can be read and enjoyed.
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Review of 10 Days of Spring  
for entry "Phoenix
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the vivid and beautiful imagery in this piece and could easily imagine the phoenix rising from the ashes. The contrast of the dark ash and bright colours of the phoenix; red and vivd green eyes, worked well. The final part of this piece linking phoenixes to spring and the cycle of rebirth was interesting and gave the piece a deeper meaning.
It may be because I am from the UK, but 'alit' is normally spelled 'alight'.
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10
Review of Egg sg  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very sweet sig, I love how the fairy is posed like a ballerina. Her dress and wings look silky and remind me of flower petals. It is a nice touch how she seems to be sprinkling fairy dust out of the egg and the sparkling dust has the effect of blowing away as if a magical breeze is carrying it.
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11
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed the mix of traditional vampire story elements like the historic, high-class setting, garlic and superstitions, with original details in a modern day time period. For example, setting the complex family plot from the point of view of child Violet worked well as readers discovered the plot from her more limited and initiative point of view. Lots of twists here, I especially liked how the WW2 pilot vampire hunter turned out to be Violet’s great grandfather.
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12
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I enjoyed reading this Lenten adventure piece, both the creative story from the point of view of a woman who met and became a follower of Jesus, and the personal notes about the Lenten writing challenge at the end. The story was dramatic and interesting and the character reminds me of a blend of Mary Magdalene and the fisherman disciples, it was convincing and insightful how she turned away from a life of loneliness and wishing she was rich to a life where she loves Jesus and finds happiness in following him and trying to convert others, despite of the hardships she faces. The story of how religion was entwined with your life and how you found the writing challenge helpful at strengthening your faith was a nice prologue to the story.
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13
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this vividly written description of life for an upper class woman who becomes a nurse in the First World War. The focus on dialogue, action and thoughts made the story full of interest and easy to picture. It had a quick pace that made reading it feel like watching a television drama as a lot of focus was given to characterisation through dialogue. The description of the matron and how Lady Acton's life changes so radically were particularly interesting.
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14
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story is full of humour and interest. I enjoyed the opening lines setting up Rudolph carefully tiptoeing away from his wife, Cilla, who is prone to getting annoyed if woken up early. The episode with the chickens was a funny twist on the tradition of a magician's rabbit and I enjoyed the circular structure as they create havoc jumping onto Cilla's bed and making her spill the coffee.
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Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought the idea of a teenager being sucked inside a favourite game and learning from her experiences made an intriguing read. Although I could see why she found the world interesting and made a bond with the AI character, I could also understand the sense of panic and how the expereince made her realise the value of the real world. The story was creatively done. I would like to know in a bit more detail how exactly being pulled inside the screen feels so I could picture this bit better, also a few examples of her tenacity and time bonding with AI would be great to read about too.
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Review of Magic Fairies  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a cute story about not only the magic of childhood and fairytales but the love of a grandmother for her granddaughter. The way the grandmother goes out of her way to make magical memories for the little girl as they catch firefly fairies was heartwarming and shows there’s magic to be found in the everyday.
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Review of A Fairy Encounter  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a vividly described and enjoyable read full of fairytale elements. I enjoyed how the creature draws on tales like the bad wolf but actually the frightening creature was a friend of benevolent fairies who led the main character to see them. I enjoyed how the end of the story cast doubt over if it was really a dream or not as the character woke up with a flower in their palm.
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18
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a sensible piece of advice and I can see how integrating aspects of the mannerisms and appearance of the people you see in everyday life adds believably to your writing. So many famous writers do and have done this and I remember reading that Charles Dickens did something similar to invent his many famous characters.
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Review of Half a unicorn  
for entry "under the apple tree
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This opening made me wonder what Ali will find in the large house and ended too soon on a cliffhanger. Is there more of the story? If so I hope to read it someday, and if not I hope that you will have time snd be inspired to write more soon! A nicely paced, interesting read.
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Review of Half a unicorn  
for entry "shadows and owls
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed how the tension continues as the father thinks there is something odd about Ali and warns Toby here. I wondered why he won’t be leaving her the future and what his expectations are in life eg does he think he’ll take over the farm so doesn’t need to leave home to train for other work?
I enjoyed reading more about the nature of unicorns through Ali’s conversations with the owl and snake, such as they are very curious creatures. I liked the owl calling her a princess as this hints at how special she is.

This should be ‘guard with its tone’ — ‘gaurd with it's tone’


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Half a unicorn  
for entry "Only children
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This chapter was a more peaceful one where I got to know more about the characters. Having Justin unable to hear Ali added a lot of humour. It also inspired me to wonder why Toby and Erica can hear Ali and what makes them special, this made me want to read on.
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Review of Half a unicorn  
for entry "Break time
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It was nice to see Erica becoming accepted as a friend by Ali here. It was another good chapter and nice to see Ali behaving nicely and taking the men by surprise.

I didn’t know who said ‘Ready to do this boys?’ I think it might have been the father but it could have been another man. Perhaps you could make this clearer? Also, why are the men distraught when they head home as I’d have thought they would be glad not to have to do more work with Ali?
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Review of Star  
Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the idea of falling stars become geodes and gemstones. What can seem a moment of beauty too soon over is not actually over in the cycle of life as the shooting star is transformed over time after hitting the earth. The short lines and stanzas add a sense of postivie beat to the poem full of beautiful imagery.
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Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Such a poignant and beautifully written poem. The metaphor of the sea for life and being carried away by death was powerful and conveys the irresistible passing of time as well as the struggles, burdens and happiness in the beloved mother's life. The contrast between power and frailty was poignantly done and the poem conveyed a lot though short.
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Review by HollyMerry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed how this poem invested a particular flower which such character and poignance as it focuses on a late blooming chrysanthemum. The vivid imagery of the poem is displayed in the lovely choice of words. The memorable and original images evoking the mood of the poem included my favourtie: 'the last light of autumn’s candle melt'.
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