\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
1,603 Public Reviews Given
1,657 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review of My Wish  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the peaceful mystique of this poem and the way that it fits the idea of a heavenly journey. I se that the phloem is based on songs lyrics and this comes across well by conveying a musical quality. The juxtaposition of ‘t o know the unknown’ was intriguing.
52
52
for entry "Saving The DragonOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
The name Atarath is perfect for a dragon and the pictures of Willow and Atarath are goregeous and help me picture the story. The part where you described Willow and Atarath meeting when she was a girl and he saved her was exciting and would be nice as another story. I clearly saw how caring Willow is as she bravely rescued Atarath from the knights who sought to trap him when he wasn't feeling well.
53
53
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this fast-paced and exciting adventure story. The dystopian world of a future destroyed by war made for an interesting setting and I liked how well grounded Chris was in the natural world as an adventurer from a young age as this equipped him to be an interesting protagonist. The wolves with heads of men were a great and original adversary and I liked the ending where the Goldar bird equips Chris and Kat with persuasive abilities and gives them the chance to go back to the past to correct the mistakes made in the war.

Here are a few suggestions, most are grammar related as the story would benefit from editing though.
How did Chris and Kat survive the apocalypse? This would be an interesting detail to add in.
Here there is no apostrophe needed in 'nation's' and later I see you used the capital 'the Nations' when a small letter is needed.
'The Kat, Chris expedition gather' this should be gathered.
The apostrophe after shelves isn't needed here: 'shelves’ full of books.'
'wolf-like creatures with faces like a man' this should be like men.
'faces like humans? looks more like' there should be a capital L for looks here.
'Spears and knife-like steaks' should be 'spears and knife-like stakes'
'Seemed Like the best place' no capital for like here.
'The boulders’ tare apart the raft' should be 'The boulders tore apart the raft.'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
54
54
Review of I Used To Believe  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece written from the perspective of a cat worked well. The beauty queen persona was captured beautifully and I enjoyed seeing the changes wrought by Covid-19 from the perspective of a cat. The structure of the story worked well, with idioms at the start expressing the cat's complacent enjoyment of the world. The fact the perspective is of that of a cat has to be guessed at by readers as the piece progresses. Humans aren't the only one to find the changed Covid brings uncomfortable as the cat does too, and the ending 'You are here all the time, aren't you' set an ominous tone as I wondered if the owner was very sick, hospitalised or even dead. The final words 'I used to believe I was safe at home' are highly appropriate and chilling.
55
55
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem is full of vivid imagery and you use sensory language and descriptive techniques well. I also liked the rhyme scheme as at first the poem did not use many rhyming words, but later the final stanzas rhymed as if the speaker of the poem grew more sure in the interpretation of the character they describe.
I found the meaning of the poem a little confusing so perhaps you might consider adding some more lines to explain more about the character being described and the reaction of the speaker of the poem to her. It seems you are trying to describe a character who thinks well of themselves but they are actually cruel and have a destructive influence on the lives of others but that they cannot help being this way? It seems by the end of the poem the speaker says the character is harmed by the 'rot' of their nature too and that anyone who wants a relationship with them should be aware of this and be sympathetic towards them? This is just my interpretation of the poem based on the content, but if some areas of the interpretation do not seem to reflect your meaning then perhaps look back at the poem and see if you can make the meaning a little clearer?
I had not come across the term 'punt' in a bottle before and upon looking it up I discovered it was the dome shape in the base of some wine bottles. I like the extended metaphor of wine and roses in the poem and if you consider adding to the poem perhaps these metaphors might be extended.
I wondered if you had deliberately capitalised 'Subtle' for emphasis as a capital is not grammatically correct. Maybe use italics or all capital letters for this word to make the emphasis clearer so readers don't assume it is a mistake.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
56
56
Review of Ocean In Absentia  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This amusing short piece captures the mood of the prompt picture excellently with humour and deft observation of human nature. I like how the first mate refuses to meet the captain's eye and his ironic reply to the captain the best. The use of repetition and alliteration gives the piece a memorable and poetic quality.
I hadn't actually heard of the idiom "three sheets to the wind" before and had to look it up as at first I wondered if it related to the ship sails. If the word limit allows, perhaps you could add a reference to the fact he has been drinking as well? I like the three sheets to the wind and I recommend keeping it in, just maybe adding that the captain had been over-indulging in rum or the like as well!
57
57
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story, in turns amusing and gripping (pun intended, just like the army tank haha!) had me reading on with interest. You conveyed how everyday life contains bizarre and unexpected incidents well and prepared readers for this with the opening paragraphs about the various accidents and injuries your children got into on camping trips. The army tank is certainly extremely memorable and sounds a very awkward rescue, I'm pleased Christopher was relatively okay after his time with this arm stuck!
I found the final sentence a little confusing, perhaps "he never would talk about it afterwards" or something similar would make it clearer?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
58
58
Review of Prahlada  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did an excellent job of conveying this sanscrit story in an interesting way. I had the feel both of traditional storytelling and of capturing the character and anger of Hiranyakasipu realistically to hold the interest of the reader. His hatred for his son and the ways in which he tortured him for his worship of Vishnu made the king's ending well deserved. I thought the message of how no mortal can outwit a god no matter how canny they try to be worked well.
59
59
Review of A FRIEND  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful and inspiring piece of writing to a special friend. As well as being specifically about Sandra, the piece brings in a lot of good points about what makes for a good friend as she motivates others through the way she approaches difficult time and how she shares her abundance of wisdom, creativity and smiles in way that make others feel better when they are around her. The praise to God for such a good friend that ends this piece works well and giving it a deeper resonance.
60
60
Review of 10 Days of Spring  Open in new Window.
for entry "Fantasy ConventionOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the idea of setting a story at a fantasy convention. The fantasy castle setting was beautifully described and I loved the blend of different characters. Is there a word limit to this? The ending felt a little rushed so I’d maybe add a bit more to in if possible? For example, one minute Sharon was worried she hadn’t changed into her costume and the next she was dressed as Arwen. Maybe describe to costume and how it feels to wear? Also I’d like one of two more sentences right at the end about how she feels transported into the magical world.
61
61
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece does well at incorporating a lot of ideas relating to the Counting Stars song. Christina Grimme’s life and how the song links to her is explored first. I liked how the piece then moves on to link to a quote from literature about a greedy businessman seen counting stars by a prince who believes in a more beautiful and spiritual role for stars. This led on to a wider message about wealth and the meaning of life.
62
62
Review of Daffodils  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a meaningful poem about the joy of spring and the natural world and how as a child it seems to hold treasure as the little girl collects daffodils to put on her birthday cake. I enjoyed the contrast in the final stanza as we see her as a grown woman hardened by experience but the sight of daffodils takes her back to a happy time in her life as she remembers her birthday as a child and the pretty garden the the maple and bird singing. The story about the writer at the end was poignant -- thank you for sharing Mary's words on WDC so they can be read and enjoyed.
63
63
Review of 10 Days of Spring  Open in new Window.
for entry "PhoenixOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the vivid and beautiful imagery in this piece and could easily imagine the phoenix rising from the ashes. The contrast of the dark ash and bright colours of the phoenix; red and vivd green eyes, worked well. The final part of this piece linking phoenixes to spring and the cycle of rebirth was interesting and gave the piece a deeper meaning.
It may be because I am from the UK, but 'alit' is normally spelled 'alight'.
64
64
Review of Egg sg  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very sweet sig, I love how the fairy is posed like a ballerina. Her dress and wings look silky and remind me of flower petals. It is a nice touch how she seems to be sprinkling fairy dust out of the egg and the sparkling dust has the effect of blowing away as if a magical breeze is carrying it.
65
65
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed the mix of traditional vampire story elements like the historic, high-class setting, garlic and superstitions, with original details in a modern day time period. For example, setting the complex family plot from the point of view of child Violet worked well as readers discovered the plot from her more limited and initiative point of view. Lots of twists here, I especially liked how the WW2 pilot vampire hunter turned out to be Violet’s great grandfather.
66
66
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I enjoyed reading this Lenten adventure piece, both the creative story from the point of view of a woman who met and became a follower of Jesus, and the personal notes about the Lenten writing challenge at the end. The story was dramatic and interesting and the character reminds me of a blend of Mary Magdalene and the fisherman disciples, it was convincing and insightful how she turned away from a life of loneliness and wishing she was rich to a life where she loves Jesus and finds happiness in following him and trying to convert others, despite of the hardships she faces. The story of how religion was entwined with your life and how you found the writing challenge helpful at strengthening your faith was a nice prologue to the story.
67
67
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story is full of humour and interest. I enjoyed the opening lines setting up Rudolph carefully tiptoeing away from his wife, Cilla, who is prone to getting annoyed if woken up early. The episode with the chickens was a funny twist on the tradition of a magician's rabbit and I enjoyed the circular structure as they create havoc jumping onto Cilla's bed and making her spill the coffee.
68
68
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought the idea of a teenager being sucked inside a favourite game and learning from her experiences made an intriguing read. Although I could see why she found the world interesting and made a bond with the AI character, I could also understand the sense of panic and how the expereince made her realise the value of the real world. The story was creatively done. I would like to know in a bit more detail how exactly being pulled inside the screen feels so I could picture this bit better, also a few examples of her tenacity and time bonding with AI would be great to read about too.
69
69
Review of Magic Fairies  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a cute story about not only the magic of childhood and fairytales but the love of a grandmother for her granddaughter. The way the grandmother goes out of her way to make magical memories for the little girl as they catch firefly fairies was heartwarming and shows there’s magic to be found in the everyday.
70
70
Review of A Fairy Encounter  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a vividly described and enjoyable read full of fairytale elements. I enjoyed how the creature draws on tales like the bad wolf but actually the frightening creature was a friend of benevolent fairies who led the main character to see them. I enjoyed how the end of the story cast doubt over if it was really a dream or not as the character woke up with a flower in their palm.
71
71
Review of Half a unicorn  Open in new Window.
for entry "under the apple tree Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This opening made me wonder what Ali will find in the large house and ended too soon on a cliffhanger. Is there more of the story? If so I hope to read it someday, and if not I hope that you will have time snd be inspired to write more soon! A nicely paced, interesting read.
72
72
Review of Half a unicorn  Open in new Window.
for entry "shadows and owlsOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed how the tension continues as the father thinks there is something odd about Ali and warns Toby here. I wondered why he won’t be leaving her the future and what his expectations are in life eg does he think he’ll take over the farm so doesn’t need to leave home to train for other work?
I enjoyed reading more about the nature of unicorns through Ali’s conversations with the owl and snake, such as they are very curious creatures. I liked the owl calling her a princess as this hints at how special she is.

This should be ‘guard with its tone’ — ‘gaurd with it's tone’


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
73
73
Review of Half a unicorn  Open in new Window.
for entry "Only childrenOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This chapter was a more peaceful one where I got to know more about the characters. Having Justin unable to hear Ali added a lot of humour. It also inspired me to wonder why Toby and Erica can hear Ali and what makes them special, this made me want to read on.
74
74
Review of Half a unicorn  Open in new Window.
for entry "Break timeOpen in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It was nice to see Erica becoming accepted as a friend by Ali here. It was another good chapter and nice to see Ali behaving nicely and taking the men by surprise.

I didn’t know who said ‘Ready to do this boys?’ I think it might have been the father but it could have been another man. Perhaps you could make this clearer? Also, why are the men distraught when they head home as I’d have thought they would be glad not to have to do more work with Ali?
75
75
Review of Star  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the idea of falling stars become geodes and gemstones. What can seem a moment of beauty too soon over is not actually over in the cycle of life as the shooting star is transformed over time after hitting the earth. The short lines and stanzas add a sense of postivie beat to the poem full of beautiful imagery.
695 Reviews *Magnify*
Page of 28 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3