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675 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Your Name  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is spoken in the voice of an adolescent girl and it feels authentic when I read it.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

Content is grandiose, dramatic, like teen girls sometimes sound. There is also a superficiality that gives the speaker a quality of immaturity.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

The bold font matches the mood and content, but is difficult to read.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I enjoyed reading this. Welcome to WDC.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
127
127
Review of Glimmer  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is a rhythmic description of sleeplessness related to writing giving credit to "The Glimmer Man," an unwelcome muse.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

The title caught my attention and the poem kept it. I like the rhythm and the images.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

There are a couple of places that caused me to stumble, where the rhythm seemed to break.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Although there are things I question about rhythm, I think this is a delightful read.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
128
128
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

Who would write a poem about a soup can? Someone creative like Andy Warhol.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like how this starts with a soup can and moves into photosynthesis and a moody sun in just 30 words. I like the images and the picture that is created.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

I wonder if the first two words are the best possible choice. I had trouble understanding what they meant.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I am delighted by this minimalist poem.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
129
129
Review of As clear as wings  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful. It leaves me wondering how to came to this. The cat, so wise, so witty. The dialogue - just wonderful!
Thank you,
Elizabeth
130
130
Review of The Composer  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is wonderful! Thank you!
131
131
Review of Fourthmeal  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I happened upon this by reading someone's poem that I liked, going to their port, and reading their review of this poem. They gave you 5 stars and said they wished they had written it. Well, I agree whole heartedly. This is so witty, wry, intelligent and concise, I wish I had written it. This deserves a life beyond WDC. Thank you.
Keep Writing!!!
Louise is Elizabeth
132
132
Review of Hunger  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is a powerful poem examining the impact of social context on the issue of hunger. It uses contrast and rich imagery to convey understanding.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the opening image, and the structure using the word hunger to introduce each stanza. The writer uses contrast very effectively. The end is excellent.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

In edit and revision, the writer has the opportunity to turn sound writing and good ideas into art. In this case, elimination of unnecessary words would make a huge positive impact.
For example:
"It sits like a cold stone
within the bloated belly
of the young boy
who has not the means
to satisfy his mortal appetite."

could be:
"Hunger
a cold stone within
the bloated belly
of a boy's unsatisfied
mortal appetite."

In the interest, apparently, of keeping the word "hunger" only at the start of stanzas, the word "it" is used excessively. Synonyms for hunger could strengthen the poem:
"it took the newborn" could read:
"starvation stole the newborn..."
This approach also strengthens the personification used for impact.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I have found it very helpful to read poetry and memorize verses I find especially meaningful or beautiful. This builds my sense of rhythm, efficiency of language and imagery. Pay attention especially to Shakespeare, Longfellow, or T.S. Elliott. Your biography lists only favorite prose writers. I hope one day to see a poet or two in the list.
You clearly see the value of poetry as a means of eloquently expressing your wisdom. I hope you will develop your skill in this area more fully.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
133
133
Review of Days go by  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is a sad poem about hopelessness.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the rhythm and use of sound.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

Because rhythm is a strength of this piece, the first and last lines could use some revision to bring them into the pattern of the rest of the poem.


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I hope your next poem will be about bright colors.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
134
134
Review of We Are Not Unique  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is and interesting meditation on uniqueness. It is well written and thoughtful.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the insightfulness of this piece. I like that the writer took time to think this through and express it well.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

In the third from the last line, unbelievably is misspelled.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I hope you continue to ponder things like this and share what you came up with.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
135
135
Review of Doubting Thomas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I read this after reading a review on the public reviewing page. I knew it would be good, and it is. The rhymes are smooth and it reads like natural speech, like the dance in the form. It communicates very well what so many experience in their spiritual lives. Thank you for sharing it.

Louise is Elizabeth
136
136
Review of The Cold  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

The visual impression, shape of the poem, expresses the mood quite well. The images move the reader from hopeful anxiety into the depth of grief.


*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the over all use of contrast between warm and cold to communicate emotion. This is effective and powerful. I also like how in a short piece the depth and intensity of the struggle is so completely communicated.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

There is an apostrophe that seems random. Is it a typo?


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Overall, this is very well done.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
137
137
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

You go, girl! Well said.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the over all tone of the poem, the attitude. Uppity Women unite! Imagine blaming the love object for difficulty in loving. Garbage!


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

The second line seems to be missing a word.


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I would write it differently, but, it's not my poem. I think you have been more tactful than I would want to be. *RollEyes*

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
138
138
Review of Ashes  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is an emotional poem, written in first person creating the impression it is the poet's experience. If not, this is a sign of excellent writing.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

'There are two divots in my mattress
One you fit in
The other stinking with man I stuck in.
Your lie is a hole my love sunk in
And this book's sink, too.
You only think I got over you.
The truth was a straw
You sucked my gut with.
It was a stool you sat on
To beautifully fool me."

'You give me days like scabs
Nights in sacks
In ashes.'

It seems to me, this is the meat of the poem. It contains the richest images. It conveys the situation and complexity of the speaker's emotions quite effectively.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

I did not need the rest to understand what is going on. As written, this sounds so personal I probably shouldn't be reading it.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Lots of good stuff here. Hope I didn't step on your toes.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
139
139
Review of The Forecast  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

In light of the current weather across the US (accept Florida and Arizona,) this is a very timely little septet. It made me smile.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like how much feeling you got into so few syllables. I like being reminded things are better "above the clouds."

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

The weakest part of the poem is "a voice says." It isn't something wrong. It is hard to think of other ways to say that in three syllables. I would consider "my reply."


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

This is delightful.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
140
140
Rated: E | (5.0)
My entry
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This item number is not valid.
#1801792 by Not Available.
141
141
Review of Near the Fountain  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

I would like to go sit by this fountain with you, as you have communicated so well how it is a reflection of mood, and how it enhances emotional expression.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the words at the end of each stanza: "symphony, sympathy, and harmony."
I like thinking of the water as a source of music. I also like that it ends with a feeling of harmony.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

Third line, first stanza: Music blends (not blend)
Fourth line first stanza: I would consider dropping "a" and saying "in joyful symphony" to improve rhythm.

second stanza, fourth line: I found the words "it's own" disconcerting. They don't enhance my understanding, and, they break the rhythm.

last stanza, last line: read aloud and consider dropping "in." Again, I find this an interruption that doesn't enhance meaning.

I am not a professional writer and don't know if I'm right, but one of my editing rules is read aloud, slowly, then fast to discover bumps and disruptions.
Then I ask myself if the disruption enhances meaning. If not, I find another way to say it. Another way of saying it is eliminate all unnecessary words and keep a clean rhythm. Perhaps you are already following these rules. Your writing is excellent.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I hope you found this helpful. If not, please let me know.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
142
142
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is a well written story about parenting that offers insight into what works. The description of the interaction creates a very clear picture and the use of language realistic.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like how the interaction works to put the value system back in Luke's control.
The parents disown the disappointment, leaving Luke no option but to own it himself. I like how this family is like all families with 15 year old children who worry about their child's safety. It gives an excellent example of how to manage the situation in a way that relies on growing trust rather than coercion. I like the use of language typical of the subculture in which the story is placed that describes concerns present in most subcultures. This is truly a loving family with a sense of humor and healthy boundaries.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

I looked but found no problems.


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

This is the klnd of love any parent would want to give their child. Thank you for articulating it so well.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
143
143
Review of Ocean Boy  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

A young boy, his imagination and creativity, faces the power of wind and water. This is a loving story of the drama that is play. This child is determined, but not distressed over the wave action, or the foot. He goes on playing with his friends.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

The lines I like best are: "coarse and unbalanced," and "An Ocean, vast. A boy swims with friends. Laughter." I like the sensory focus.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

In the first line and fifth stanza, I see no reason to capitalize "ocean." Also, "an" weakens the image. Since it is power, I would suggest "The."

I love the words in the second line and the repeated sounds. However, again, if you want to communicate power, words ending in "ing" don't work well. I would suggest something like" "The wet wind whips, stings," It is followed by the boy, "toes dug in the sand." This communicates that he is challenged in his building and is one of the best images in the poem.

I don't think I would use the word "soft" to describe the "swells." They are the powerful destroyers of the castle and the creators of the sand. I do like the repetition of the "s" sound as it hisses and this suggests impending doom. This might be a good time to use a Thesaurus.

I have a problem with "careful" hands that "deftly sculpt" a "course and unbalanced" castle. These images seem inconsistent with each other. Perhaps another trip to the Thesaurus would help here, too.

The "gargantuan foot" appears out of nowhere. ( I love the word "gargantuan") This is probably how it was for the boy. However, "soft but coarse" seems unnecessary as it adds nothing to the picture and, again, seems inconsistent with the power the foot presents. Also, the foot has an ominous tone. The poem leaves the image hanging, for me. It has been introduced, but not adequately addressed. I don't know how I would solve this. Perhaps a little more detail about the foot, or the boy's perception of the foot would help. If it were my poem, I would leave it out. It probably happened that way, but I think the poem doesn't need it.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

This is an interesting poem worth working on to perfect. I enjoyed it.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
144
144
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General impression:
I realize you have received lots of feedback about this. I just want to share that I think it is a wonderful piece about a small episode in history that is new to me in the poem. Thanks for the enlightenment, and the excellent writing.

Form: not much to say - the freedom of the form matches the freedom of the President.

content: I wonder how you learned about this. I think the only biography I have actually read was written by Carl Sandburg and I read it in high school, a very long time ago.

What I like: It is a delightful story, and it taught me something I didn't know.


Things that might have room for improvement: Cannot see any need for improvement.


Summary: Thank you for an excellent read!



Louise is Elizabeth
145
145
Review of Is It Worth It?  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A very sweet mood carries through the entire poem. Syntax and punctuation are good. The images are very traditional. This would be a loving gift to the new mother of the crying baby boy. However, I wonder why the speaker has so much trouble seeing for himself that it is worth it. Perhaps it's just a way of letting his mother know her place in the family is secure.

Keep writing!
Elizabeth
146
146
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well written! I am not familiar with Mr. Hugo, so I cannot comment on that reference. I love your use of sound. The contrast between the talk of suicide and saving the spider while projecting concern for the other insects does a couple of things that I see: it seem that the speaker feels less important than the bugs and spider, while, at the same time, expresses a reverence for all life. I wonder how one would respond having received such a message?
147
147
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tim,
This is very well written, but, it does a little more telling and a little less showing for my taste. I think I would like the story or stories of the event(s) that triggered your rumination on the subject. I feel as if I came in at the end of a very interesting conversation and I would like to hear the whole thing.
Elizabeth
148
148
Review of Faces of God  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR* This is sweet without excessive sentiment, and uses powerful images of nature effectively to describe the indescribable.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2* This, taken as a second poem by a beginning poet, is excellent. It reads smoothly without any awkwardness, and seems genuine. I like the personification of nature.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2* I think I would like "God is..." rather than "God is like..." It would have more power and depth. Also, I stumbled over "until" in the last line. I'm not sure what would work better. I wonder if you considered the Christian idea, "God is the beginning and the end" how this would impact your last line.


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR* You are off to a wonderful start with your poetry. You demonstrate understanding of metaphor, image, and basic writing skills. I feel lucky to review your second poem!

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
149
149
Review of Release  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This appears to be about inner pain and trying to stop it without success. It is a very sad poem, filled with anger and distress. It is not something that comforts, but instead, it cries out. The end line, "crimson sorrow," summarizes the experience of the rest of the poem quite effectively. This was not an easy or cheerful read. It is painfully honest. Thank you for sharing it.
150
150
Review of A Warm Christmas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General impression:
Form: Rhythmic and rhyming, very nice.
content: A timely story with a clever twist.

What I like:
I love the twist at the end! I didn't see it coming at all!
This is fun and light and good for a holiday chuckle.


Things that might have room for improvement:
There are a few problems with rhythm here and there,
that fixed, would increase enjoyment of reading.


Summary:
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading you poem.
Elizabeth
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