*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jdennis01jaj/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
403 Public Reviews Given
407 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style will change to conform to the needs of the work. If I find no grammatical issues, I move on to something else and will always concentrate on the requested aspects of the piece per the author's instructions. I enjoy reviewing others' work.
I'm good at...
Helping with descriptive phrasing, less capable in grammar, and always aspiring to be honest yet polite. I feel that those who concentrate on criticizing are compensating for something lacking in themselves.
Favorite Genres
Literary, SciFi, Fantasy, Horror, and almost anything I'm requested to do.
Least Favorite Genres
X rated. Other than that, I haven't met one yet.
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novel chapters, etc.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, because I know very little about that art. However, I am very willing to give my impression of a poem. I just make no promises as to how helpful it will be.
I will not review...
X rated or anything over a rating of 18+
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 8 ... Next
76
76
Review of A Mortal Memoir  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
April Desiree,

I have been there. I think we all have been. At some point in our lives, we all lose touch with ourselves. At least, the "self" we believe we are. You have perfectly captured the feel, the gripping desperation, and the overwhelming relief upon the realization that there is still hope once we find that "true self."
As your story begins, I wonder where you are taking me, but the temptation to keep reading is too great due to your mastery of the prose. I continue and find a great reward at the end of my journey—a surprise, with the sudden realization of unanticipated gratification.

Many times in life, we reach too far to please others, and in so doing, we disappoint our selves. The road back is tortuous, and many become permanently lost in the journey. Your story gives us all hope. I will keep reading, if you will keep writing, so please continue and allow me to visit your portfolio in the future. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it,

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
77
77
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of "Black Ice, Cheyenne, Wyoming."

This story, like the rest of your work, is filled with emotion. Every story I have read to date has grabbed me and held me from beginning to end. This piece is no different. However, this one seems in need of some editing. I know you are very capable of performing such a task, but I would like to mention just one thing—the first paragraph.

A first paragraph makes or breaks the story, in that, not only do you need to grab attention, but you also need to set the mood or tone. You do a pretty good job in your opening paragraph, but I believe it could be a little better. At the same time, you did introduce a foreboding tone with the monuments to the American Indians. I assume this was to build tension for the upcoming snowstorm.

So here I go. I have never done this before. So, I'll probably be very clumsy in my attempt. Plus, remember to pity me because I have been sick for several weeks, but I truly intend to help. This story is good. I am just attempting to show you how to "punch" it up a little, I guess. I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, I have included the below, your opening paragraph, and a possible rewrite of that paragraph.

Remember, this is a possible rewrite, not what the finished product should be. I am only attempting to "show" you what I am talking about, and I know my rewrite is not that good. It is only intended to give you an example of how I would add emphasis and tension to the opening paragraph of one of "my" stories. Like I said, who am I? You should be able to do a much better job.

Look at my example, if you have questions, please ask them, if not, I hope you will allow me to read more of your work. I genuinely believe you are a talented writer. And, of course, all of us wannabes, wannabe able to say, "I gave her some advice once."

Your opening:

It was my birthday dinner and I chose to celebrate at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming. The city was approximately thirty miles north of where I lived in a small town south of the Colorado/Wyoming border. It was more or less a direct shot up Interstate 25 and ran through an open stretch of land , and past the monument on either side of the highway. Huge boulders stood, where two tribes of American Indians from times past had hid, fought, and either conquered or died.

My humble attempt:

We drove toward my birthday dinner at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Cheyenne was approximately thirty miles north of where I lived in a small town just south of the Colorado/Wyoming border. It was a direct shot up Interstate 25, which ran through the middle of a prairie. After only a few minutes of travel through that stretch of land, we came upon an Indian monument. The monument occupied both sides of the highway. Huge boulders reached for the sky, representing two tribes, one on either side of the interstate. Both tribes proud and brave, who once fought each other on that spot. One tribe celebrated their conquest at that spot. The other side died there.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Dennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
78
78
Review of Foreclosure  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
reyskywalker,

Your miserly use of words to fill a paragraph with an entire story is admirable. Many who hope to be a writer begin by splashing the page with too many empty words that the reader can become lost in. I look forward to seeing more from you.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
79
79
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Heartburn,

"Entertaining a Leprechaun" is a well written, delightful recount of the meeting between two unique characters! You weave a tale from one chuckle to the next, and along the way, we learn the lesson, which a friendship-in-the-making exposes. It has been a long time since I have been entertained to this extent, and I hope you believe me. I'm not the sort of fella to twist yer ear with a lyin'-lie.

Your story was so enjoyable that I wish you would expand it into a string of short stories about this most enjoyable couple, who are so opposite in nature. Still, their engagement in life at this moment in time is entertaining. I guess the attraction involves their differing outlooks on life and the world in general, but from a somewhat familiar perspective in their individual cases. They are both intensely curious, without expectations, and yet hopeful about the results of their experiences upon meeting each other.

I hope you won the contest. If not, you would have if I had been the judge.

I saw no glaring issues. Of course, I was so engaged I probably wouldn't have noticed if there had been. Please keep writing, and I'll continue reading.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
80
80
Review of Keep Life Simple  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your writing is well thought through and well presented. You make sense but in a lonely way. You make sense as an individual, a person, someone without the constant concern for others around you. You speak mainly about you. Don't get me wrong, "we" all began as "you."

It is only as "we" couple that we decide to become "we." At that point, some, only some, but some of your points begin to crumble. When we become "we," we usually consider one another in our decision making. "We" becomes a central point in our thought processes, and "we" is incorporated into our being. "We" even grow into "our," as time passes, and "our" incorporates into "us."

"Families" are a conglomeration of "you." At this point, the "family's" needs become overwhelmingly overpowering for "you," and "you" become consumed by your love for "them." At that point, all logic fails, and life becomes a daily struggle to carry "them" through "your" life's struggles in a way that best benefits the "family."

I sincerely enjoyed your presentation, but find doubts that one's convictions and philosophy can ever survive through the full rigors of a complete life. Of course, that is only my philosophy.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
81
81
Review of SNOW  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
brennus,
I believe you succeeded in casting "snow" as the villain in this gripping tale of a plane downed in a snowstorm, and the doomed plight of its pilot to reach refuge in the warmth of a distant cabin, where his unsuspecting rescuer cuddled his book under a warm flame. At the same time, the pilot plummets to his doom beneath his unrelenting enemy. Wooo, that was a mouthful. But your story wasn't. It is well written, engaging, even captivating in that once I began reading, I didn't stop until the end. What else need I say?

One suggestion: "Snow buried the plane, the impact sending up a billow of powdery white high (in) the air." I believe that in the fervor of the snowstorm, you forgot an "in."

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

** Image ID #2216512 Unavailable **

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
82
82
Review of Why?  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Angus,

As usual, Angus, you astound me with your mastery of tension-building in your prose. In your short story "WHY" you show an innate ability to formulate the plot into a gradual build in suspense culminating in perfection at the conclusion. You might go through the body of the text one more time because I thought I saw a couple of unnecessary words and I am sure you will spot them on a reread.

As always, I enjoyed the read and need a drink to calm my nerves now that I'm finished.

Talk to you later,"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

"The Gate of Golphameth" 

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
83
83
Review of Beneath this Mask  
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear mylesabroad,

Wow! I'm not qualified to give you suggestions on this story because it is magnificent! However, since you asked for input, I will offer what little I have and it is all structural. I would not change anything in the substance of this story. You captured the characters perfectly and evoked every mood you wished upon the reader, so don't touch any of that. You are an accomplished writer. Feel confident in that, my friend.

Below I list a small number of structural suggestions I have; some of them reoccur throughout the story like the ellipsis (...) to a dash(--).

1. "Closing my eyes, I take a shuddering breath(:) Maryville, population, 4064. Now, 4063." (Because you are listing the contents read from a sign.)

2. "Easy, Sal. I know you've had it hard(—)" Here you had ellipsis (...), which implies an omission of words and I believe you wanted to indicate that the dialogue trails off, which would be represented by a dash (--). This repeats in several place though the story.

3. "Hey, Jer. Your Mom was here." My subdued friend sidles beside me, our shoulders almost touching. He squints at the entries before a low whistle escapes his lips. "I never figured that."(I would suggest either capitalizing Mom or not capitalizing mom consistently throughout the story. I make the same mistake and have to go back and correct every time.)

4. Rewrite: Stepping into the kitchen area, I'm struck by the gleaming stove and sink. Maybe to something like: Stepping into...I'm struck by the glint coming from the stove and sink. But make it your own words.

5. Dumbfounded, I gape, and the light in Betty's eyes dims(dim). eyes=dim

The above are only suggestions, as I said, you display a great deal of talent in your writing of this story, therefore I hesitate to even make these suggestions. However, you asked for them.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis (Dennis)
84
84
Review of Cloud Stories  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
HuntersMoon,

I like this poem. I can't evaluate this in a manner, which might be helpful, but I can tell you that it raised my spirits out of the quagmire created by this Corona virus mess. You captured all the most closely held "happy moments," which I have experienced during my reading life. And you rhymed at the same time, which is an accomplishment denied to me to date.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
85
85
Review of Shalom  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
socalscribe,

A review of the poem "Shalom."

I am not a poet. I have never rhymed in my life, but I do appreciate the sentiment expressed in this poem. Whenever I acquire emotion from poetry, I feel obliged to review the work. If only to let the author know of its impact on me. That is the only reason I feel qualified to review "Shalom."

I can offer no structural input. I only have an opinion. Therefore, all I can give is reinforcement that anyone who reads this poem will gain warmth and encouragement. Today is a troubled time on our planet. Animosity runs rampant, and we require faith that there is some good in this world. I believe you have provided a bit of that in "Shalom."

I have always been astonished by the impactful nature of some poetry. How so few words may raise awareness, where entire books fail to inform. You have accomplished that with just fifty-seven words. As I read your poem, I actually experienced a "calm" that filled my mind, and, as I finished, that feeling transformed into a mood. The mood was an exhilarated yet peaceful one. A feeling of hope, which has eluded me over these previous months. Thank you for that, and thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

I apologize that my review is longer than your poem, but I couldn't help myself. I guess that might be considered a compliment. I hope so because I meant it to sound that way.

Please keep writing, and I will continue reading. That's what I am best at anyway."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis
86
86
Review of I Will Wait  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Somawrites,

Welcome to Writing.dot.com! This piece is short, yet it speaks volumes. You reveal a hint of yearning. A "wanting" to be close to someone. Someone who instills emotion inside you even when they are only close enough to speak. It may be someone you know or someone you dream of knowing. Still, you are willing to wait.

This is a lovely description of one soul yearning for some kind of contact with another soul, with which we can all identify. Thank you for writing this and letting me read it."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
87
87
Review by jdennis
Rated: E | (4.5)
jonblair,

This is a great story, however, one suggestion would be to break up the HUUUMUNGOOOUUUS paragraph in the middle. You have captured several thoughts in this one paragraph and by breaking it up you: 1. Give the reader a chance to catch his breath. 2. Separate the different streams of thoughts into individual packages for consumption. 3. Give the reader a chance to catch his breath. (Yeah, I repeat myself often, if not frequently or even continually. And yeah, I'm even more guilty of this transgression than you are.) The below is only a suggestion and doesn't change anything as far as wording, impact, or substance.

*****

"What the hell?" I yelled out loud. I was in north(ern) Oregon and had slowed to navigate a sharp, round curve in the highway. A soft blue pulsating light, about two miles ahead and on the other side of a hill seemed to appear out of nowhere. I was a little 'zoned out' to begin with, considering my time behind the wheel and miles I had already driven. I slowed my vehicle, a 1968 Ford Mustang.

As I slowly completed the curve in the road and straightened my car, the soft blue pulsating light I previously noticed was now an intense, pulsating blue/white light, round to oval in shape with a distinctive humming sound. It was hovering approximately fifty feet off the ground, over a space devoid of any trees, brush or other vegetation. The craft appeared to be rotating in a clockwise direction, or giving the illusion it was rotating. My best description was that it looked almost identical in appearance and size to the interplanetary vessel from the movie, "The Day the Earth Stood Still," except it was silvery in appearance, like stainless steel."

Then it happened. The stationary craft moved in an instant over the road and directly in front of my car. I stopped. The ship then advanced slowly toward me, and to avoid contact I turned and drove to my right off the road and onto the spot the UFO had previously occupied. I turned my car around to face the highway and the unidentified object. I was attempting to position myself so I could put the 'pedal to the metal' at my first opportunity, but the UFO moved again in my direction, blocking any escape route. It then slowly descended, coming to rest on the ground approximately twenty(-)five feet in front of my mustang."

Over the next several minutes, the pulsating lights dimmed, the humming sound slowly faded. Finally, the rotation stopped(,) and an opening became visible. The UFO appeared to spit(split?) in a straight line all the way from its apex to its bottom ridge, with a ramp appearing, only smaller and steeper than in the movie I previously mentioned."

The cold was no longer an issue. The combination of adrenaline and fear soon had me perspiring, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I remember turning off the car's heater. It was difficult to think straight, or even think logically."

I finally reached down under the right front seat of my mustang. I grabbed a handgun I carried with me whenever I was in unfamiliar territory, except this time I was scared out of my wits, and definitely not ready to be a captive, or worse, their guinea pig - not even their well treated 'guest'. Yes, I had read and heard about alien 'abductions' and the stories about what they do to their captive humans. I had absolutely no desire to be their next 'victim.' I wasn't going anywhere without a fight."

I sat there, my heart pounding, waiting for one or a group of extraterrestrials to walk down that ramp. I was going to blow its (or their) head(s) clean off at even the slightest hint of hostility or foul play. What else could I do? I was trapped. Personal cell phones were not available to the public at that time. I couldn't call anyone for help. I waited for what felt like an eternity for someone, some being, or some life form to exit that ship, but nothing happened. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I opened the car door and stepped out. It was time, one way or the other, to end this."

With my gun in hand, I stood directly in front of the saucer's ramp no more than twenty-five feet away. And then something totally unexpected happened. The ramp began to disappear, followed by the opening in the ship closing as seamlessly as it had opened. Simultaneously, the pulsating lights began to flash brighter, the humming resumed as if the UFO was powering up its propulsion system. Instinctively I began to slowly step backward, past my vehicle and well away from the energized vessel."

The ship rose steadily until it was above the surrounding trees, then accelerated at an angle of approximately sixty degrees at an astonishing rate of speed. In the blink of an eye it was out of sight, and I just stood there, now in the dark, and totally bewildered."

I finally walked back to my car, placed the gun back under the seat, and left. I never stopped in south(ern) Oregon. I was in no frame of mind at that time to enjoy a visit with anyone, not even a good friend. I continued on to Eureka in Northern California before checking into a hotel and sleeping the remainder of the day. I wouldn't have slept a wink had I not been so mentally and physically exhausted. When I finally reported back aboard the Enterprise, I just kept my mouth shut. No one would have believed me, anyway."

(*****)

I think this is a fantastic story, and after reading it, I believe it to be a true story. Is it? If not, you captured and reflected realistic reactions to a truly abnormal occurrence. Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.
88
88
Review of Hunger Pangs  
Review by jdennis
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Angus,

Saw this on Second Time Around contest and had to read it. This story caught my attention from the beginning and didn't let go of me until "no complaints from its stomach." You have a great talent for capturing the reader's full attention and holding it throughout the story.

The only thing I saw that might help it is this: "Tonight would be their last night up here ‘roughing it’." You might remove "up here" since you don't indicate what being "up here" is all about. What I mean is it might be pertinent if "They had come to the mountains to camp because of the beautiful view" and then later said "up here." I mean it is innocuous enough and doesn't hurt anything, but that was just the only thing I found to complain about and I'm really not complaining. Just trying to help in my own clumsy way.

You have done a wonderful job in writing this piece and I hope you win the contest.

You friend,

Dennis (jdennis)
89
89
Review of Writer's Block  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
cliffjack,

This is hilarious. You had me until almost up to the end. Of course, I realized what probably went on when "Mom" was "helping Mr. Kates move furniture." I didn't know how pornographic it would turn out to be. Thanks for your decorum. I have always believed that a simple inference is better than an overt "slap" of reality and you still got your message across. Probably more so than if you had spelled it out, with me anyway. Because my imagination is raunchy and that would have really shocked me.

I found no obvious issues with grammar or wording and your writing style is definitely engaging. Please keep it up and I'll keep reading."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

This is a really wonderful short-short. I hope you won the contest. If not, you should have.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
{#2187984}
90
90
Review of Your move  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lilindi,

This is a sad experience that we all go through or have gone through in life. You have expressed it well in your poem and I congratulate you on the accomplishment. You seem to have a knack for capturing emotion with words. I hope you continue and let us see the results.
Welcome to Writing.com! I hope to see more of your work in the future. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.
SuperPower shared image

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
91
91
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Kenzie,

This is the happiest story I have read in a long time. It is an allegory for everyone who is looking for their better half. I think we all go through this in life. Not many people have been fortunate enough to find their perfect match with ease. I vaguely remember my younger years and the worries that I would be cursed forever, alone and lonely, but I found my light or my saucer. I think everyone can identify with your lovely fable. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

SuperPower shared image
jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
92
92
Review of Unremarkable  
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
lollycrow,

This is a wonderfully enchanting, mystical story about a chance meeting with a mysterious and desirable character in a dark alley. The writing is spot-on in almost every way. You pulled me into the story with an inviting introduction to the main character and the circumstances bringing her into the setting. Your descriptions of this setting were realistic and you painted a perfect image of where you wanted me to be. Your dialogue was crisp, realistic, and appropriate for the story.

I found only a couple of grammatic issues: "His voice sent my spine tingling." I believe there should be a hyphen in spine-tingling unless you meant to say "...set my spine to tingling." or "sent a tingle down my spine."

Also, "In spite of myself, I kept walking toward him too." I don't believe the "too" is necessary, although that may just be my preference.

Of course, these are nit-picks and are meant for your consideration, not your immediate action.
I found your story engaging from the beginning to the end. Your writing style crisp, concise, and your descriptions are involving to the point of capturing the reader inside the story. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.
SuperPower shared image

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
93
93
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful XOXO,

The first thing that I noticed, which may help you in your quest to create a better story, is the fact that you tend to use some very long sentences. As you can tell, I'm also guilty of that. As an example, take your first paragraph. It consists of 199 words in only 4 sentences. That is almost 25 words per sentence. That is not a bad thing, it is just something you don't want to do continually.

Why? Your reader needs a pause for several reasons. I've had it explained to me as, "the reader needs to take a breath." Try reading your own work both ways. Take this first paragraph, read it, then break it into shorter sentences saying the same thing, and see how it reads.

Example: Emily is a 16-year-old girl whose been in Abbot House orphanage for as long as she can remember. She’s always been curious about the past life she was too young to remember much about. All Emily can remember is small bits and pieces of the beautiful women stroking her hair back from her forehead and singing her a lullaby as she slowly drifts off to sleep, or laughing moments with the mystery women she believes is her mother in the front yard of a house she doesn’t remember a single detail about. She’s been an orphan for 11 years now and after having her curiosity get the better of her she root through her files on her past she knows she has a mother out there in the world still alive and is more determined than ever to find her and find out the reason why she was given up. She has to figure out where she’s going to start and go from there because she knows that no matter how desperate she may be to find her long lost mother she needs somewhere to start and her desperation won’t be enough to get her that start she needs.

Rewrite: Emily is a 16-year-old girl whose been in Abbot House orphanage for as long as she can remember. She’s always been curious about her past life. She was too young at the time, so she is unable to remember much about now. All Emily remembers small bits and pieces with a beautiful woman, stroking her hair off her forehead. And the same woman sang her lullabies while she slowly drifted off to sleep. There were laughing moments too when the mysterious woman, whom she believed was her mother, stood in the front yard of a house. However, she doesn’t remember a single detail about the house.

She’s been an orphan for 11 years now and after having her curiosity get the better of her, she rooted through records from her past life. She knows she has a mother out there who is still alive, and she is more determined than ever to find her. Emily is compelled to find out the reason why she was given up. She has to find out. So she’s going to start with those files because she has nowhere else to look. If Emily fails, she will search for another place from which to begin. Her desperation won't allow her to quit, so she will continue her search no matter what.

*****


I know I took liberty in a few areas, but that is only to give some examples of alternative wording. I mention this to bring up something that most beginning writers overlook. A good writer is miserly with their words. Choose carefully. Don't repeat words in the same sentence or even the same paragraph if you can help it and try to construct simple sentences. The easier it is to read what you write, the more readers you will have.

You made a shift in P.O.V. in the story, and you denoted that by labeling it. That is fine, but it's not something you must do. You can simply denote a shift in the story with separations between paragraphs like (*****) where the change begins and again when it ends if necessary.
Now all of these are structural habits that you will come to use. You will probably become proficient in their use, judging by what I have seen in the rest of your story. After your shift in P.O.V. character, you begin to tell a compelling story. Judging by the rest of the story, you have a gripping tale to tell. So please, don’t be disheartened by my review. It is intended to assist you in developing good habits, nothing more. The above is not the opinion of an expert. I am not an editor, and I have only been published very few times.

This site, however, is filled with individuals who are just like you, beginning on a quest. There are also writers here who are well published, and editors who know what magazines and book publishers are looking for. So you made an excellent choice in coming to Writing.com to learn.

As for myself, I am always available to assist in any way that I can.
Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

SuperPower shared image

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
94
94
Review of New  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
BeautifulXOXO,
You asked this question in this posting:

"I just want more people to be able to see my writing so that i can have more people give me their opinion because I don't really have a reader's point of view on my own writing so I don't know what they see when they read it. I need to know what kind of direction I need to either keep going with or change too. I feel like not enough people are seeing it through to really get the opinion's I need."

I would like to help you if you would let me. Let me use this example: There are two types of drivers, drivers who know the road they travel, and drivers who travel a highway they are unfamiliar with. The first driver comes upon a driveway, the end of which juts from a thick stand of trees. That driver slows as he approaches the driveway for fear that someone coming down it may not stop and inadvertently enter the road in front of him. The second driver knows the road and the neighborhood. Therefore, he knows Tom, who lives at that address. He also knows Tom is not married, has no children, and no one else lives at that address. Tom always leaves for work at seven in the morning and the driver is passing his house at nine in the morning, so he speeds on by the driveway.

Now, what you are thinking is, "What the heck does that have to do with writing." Well, it's quite simple. Inexperienced writers seldom see the problems with their own writing. That is why you wrote the above question, asking for help. People on this site will be glad to review your work and give you advice. But the best way to understand the pitfalls of your own work is to read and review the writings of others. Travel the road that is unknown to you. Become familiar with that road by studying its hazards and its beauty.

Here, on Writing.com, reading other people's work serves more than one purpose. You see the mistakes that others make and become familiar with them. Eventually, you will be able to spot those same mistakes in your own writing. Another perk of reviewing other people's work is that some will return the favor by reading and reviewing your work. You will also learn from many of those critics. Finally, you will be exposed to a wide variety of talent in the field of writing, from the beginner to the professional. That exposure will help you to recognize those qualities that each of them has in common with your work.

So, my advice is to utilize the range of talent on this site to build your experience by reading and reviewing other's works. You will make friends, build relationships that will help you grow as a writer, and I believe you will enjoy the experience. Learn from your experiences. That knowledge will guide you for a lifetime.

Thank you for being so inquisitive. I will read and review your other posting as well, although it may take me a day or so. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

jdennis
95
95
Review of Street Lights  
Review by jdennis
Rated: E | (4.5)
NorahMae,

After I began reading this poem, a thought crawled up my spine to reveal that I was intruding into a very private moment. A moment filled with angst, loss, and monotonous actions shrouding empty, wakeful thoughts. Emptiness in a world mostly in their dreams and only the sleepless, crawling through the night. You have a talent for capturing emotion, intense emotion, and you have used it well in this rendition. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
96
96
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
atiya,

This is an emotional rendition filled with loss and yet hope for the future. I like it when both coexist in a poem because one without the other is the worst heartache one can experience. When I come across that, I am at a lose for words. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
97
97
Review of After the Flood  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dadikus,

You have certainly experienced a torrent and depicted it well in this story. As a would-be writer I assimilate your thoughts. As a reader, I am in awe of the way you have captured an experience that most of us see as the trailing edge of a dream, and usually forget when it slips into oblivion. Your wording is eloquent, precise and captures the reader's attention until the very end of an experience to remember. I hope very much to see more of your writing here on writing.com. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
98
98
Review of A Study in Grey  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Madeleine,

Wow, this story grabs the reader quickly and drags them through a horrifying tale of, well, HORROR. I believe this is a rough draft, and you will need to go back through the story for grammar, some punctuation, and a few small wording issues, but the story itself is fantastic. If you need some assistance with this, I'll be glad to help. However, the quality of the story's content and depiction is something I don't believe you need any help with.

I don't normally write in the Horror genre, but I have read my share of Steven King and a few other authors in that genre. Therefore, I appreciate the qualities this story possesses. So I want to encourage you to keep going with this story to bring it to completion.

Again, if there is anything I can do to help or if I can help you to become acquainted with Writing.com, let me know. There are many great sources of help and information on this site and I encourage you to explore and utilize them all."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
99
99
Review of The incident.  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
rinsoxy,

I really like this short story, rinsoxy. It is quick, holds many punches, rings true to life, and resolves in a most satisfying way. You surprised me with the ending. I thought she was going to leave him, I think most women would have. But the poor old dummy rescued the evening and the rest of HIS life by having the foresight to do the right things to make the evening a success.

I saw no issues as far as grammar, word choice or so on, but I really didn't expect to. As always, though, you might reread and check it yourself as I am no expert.

I think this is the second or third contest that I have entered, which you have also entered an item in, so either I am following you or we both think alike. I think you have outdone me again in this contest, but I will keep trying. So watch in your dust because I will be there, I guess. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

I hope you win because this is a terrific little story with a great punch at the finale.

Good luck,

jdennis
100
100
Review of Kirya and Nero  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Sorry this is so long, but I couldn't figure out how else to do it. I didn't change any content in your prologue because I thought the content was perfect. I simply changed wording in some areas where I thought you might find more impact with some slight changes. Just suggestions. I found nothing structurally incorrect, just looked to increase the impact of your wording.

I did find an absence of attribution throughout the piece. Which can be an issue in first chapters and especially in the Prologue because the reader is still trying to find their footing and familiarity with your style of writing. As the story progresses, you can be more lax with attribution. Especially within Action sequences, where quick transitions are integral to the progression of the action. However, early in the novel, attribution is important to keep the reader aware of who is doing and saying what.

You have an interesting story going here. My first reaction was to keep reading a make comments on the substance, but as I read, I couldn't help but to correct areas where I saw much potential. Like I said, you have a really good story going here. I know editors will correct most of these issues, but you will have a better chance of getting this published if you take care of the issues before you submit. At least on your first attempt at getting published.

I look forward to reading the rest of the story and will let you know what I think of each as I progress.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
186 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 8 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jdennis01jaj/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4