These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
"Bang-bang went its gun" - his gun, I know it might be sexist to assign a male gender to the hunter but better than an 'it'
I think the final verse could have a played a bit more with what was and what is, to reinforce what happened. eg. the last line could read "Whose song Tweet-tweets no more"
What I liked / didn't like about this item
Nice form, you've kept it very clean and simple. Fun and unccomplicated.
Overall Comments
A very cute (and sad) little poem that has a lovely adn playful sense of humour.
Isn't it a challenge writing a whole story in only 100 words ...
Constructive Comments
These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
I would start this story at the competition rather than with him waking up. That would give you more words to add some mood setting or emotions.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
This is a sweet story and I love the ending which is very lovely. It is very hard to charge a mere 100 words with much feeling but I would still like to see more of how Tommy felt when he lost and when he got the picture of his dad.
Overall Comments
A good job on a tough ask. This story left me with a warm feeling. Cute job!
These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
"I feel so lost and oh so lonely" - slow this line down by adding some punctuation, making teh reader pause on the "oh" thus making it more tangible and the feelings deeper. i.e. I feel so lost and, oh, so lonely.
"Loosing my way" - Losing
"I prayed and prayed to find a way" - rather than the repitition of the same word, try a different way to show your actions and emotions (I prayed so long... I prayed all day... are just a couple of simple suggestions. I am sure you could come up with something better ).
"hope it's all it takes" - change "it's" to 'that's' to avoid the tired effect of word repitition.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
This has some strong descriptions in it. It flows pretty well also although your rhymes are a bit uneven (sometimes doubles, sometimes triples and the odd line that does not rhyme - there seems no pattern to this).
"Shattered dreams lay like broken shards of glass
Lost courage and faith rust like ancient brass" - very picturesque; great imagery.
Overall Comments
This poem seems full of pain and death as well as a good measure of hope and life. An interesting mix and some lovely use of imagery. Write on!
These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
Mostly just word choices:
"there lied my ancestors" - lay
"I seen the faces" - saw (this occurs in a few places)
"and i began to sing" - capitalise "i" (there are a few places where this needs to happen)
"they sprang forward/forward they ran" - I don't think that the first forward is necessary
"Through out your life" - one word: throughout
What I liked / didn't like about this item
This poem is a great story of pride and knowledge of one's belonging. The golden horse is a beautiful and strong image which holds together everything, providing the unifying image to connect the whole journey.
Your message is great, the overall feeling I was left with was one of strength and hope and a "all is right" sense, even though it also encompasses pain and rejection and death.
There is little rhythm but it does not seem to matter as the pace carries it forward from one moment to the next in a compelling way.
These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
I found this item rather jumpy. It's thoughts seem to leap around from place to place, returning back to a certain point and cycling around. I found this made it quite difficult to follow. Perhaps breaking it into a few small paragraphs would help separate the ideas, starting each paragraph with the return to the beginning of the cycle.
"As a single tear starts a waterfall, flowing softly into one's lap, with no beginning and no end." - this sentence left me a little confused and I think it is the "As" at the beginning which has no resolution at the end of the sentence. I think it reads better without the "as".
What I liked / didn't like about this item
There were moments in this that I really liked. Some of your metaphors and similes connected in me. I especially liked the waterfall and how you bring it back in at the end.
Overall Comments
Overall I like your ideas and your imagery but I feel it needs a little more structure or reorganising to make it easier to follow.
These comments are offered as way of help.
They are only my opinions, so please feel free to discard or accept any, as you choose.
"and touch it" - 'touch them' I think
On two consecutive lines you have 'touch' and 'touches' Perhaps there is an alternative for one of them to avoid the repitition.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
This is a lovely description of dreams and quite different. Nice creativity. If anything I would have likted to have seen more descriptive, showing us the softness of the daylight touching the eyes or the etherealness of the dreams.
These comments are made to be of help. They are my opinions and you are free to discard or accept as you choose.
Yay! I finally get to point out a typo to you, even if it is only in the brief description.
* "Three time" - times
What I liked / didn't like about this item
A nice sound to "babbling trucks" - this brings me both an audible and a visual identification and it made me smile as I could see and hear the trucks in my own memories.
Overall Comments
An interesting poem. At once, both sad and hopeful.
These comments are made to be of help. They are my opinions and you are free to discard or accept as you choose.
There's not much to say constructively about this item. It is well written, thoughtfully constructed and elegantly reasoned.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
You have a nice touch of humour to this. I particularly appreciated the toaster and the world needing only one poem. A nice way to reinforce your point.
There is only one thing I would disagree on (or perhaps suggest that it needs qualifying) and that is that poetry is for expressing one's feelings. I think that it can and is used in this way and that this is very valid. Whether the results should be for public consumption is then the core issue, and generally they are not suitable as they are too personal.
Overall Comments
I very much enjoyed your article, finding it an intelligent and thought-provoking read.
"I have waited for my letters
for a year, which you
had promised to return to me " - something about this verse struck me as a little odd and I think perhaps it is the order of the words and the repitition of "for" Try starting with the "For a year"
I suggest capitalising 'but' ("but like the matter") to make it the beginning of a new sentence/thread.
These comments are made to be of help. They are my opinions and you are free to discard or accept as you choose.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
I love the lines with taste and touch in them. Beautiful, tangible and bittersweet. Great protrayal of emotion. The format was interesting and seemed to aid the regretful atmosphere of the poem. And the closing three, single-word lines are a pointed and poignant closure.
These comments are made to be of help. They are my opinions and you are free to discard or accept as you choose.
A little typo in the brief description "behine" - behind
"Could I with human voice," - this setence does make sense but it takes a little to get it and it reads very awkwardly. Try rewording it a bit more naturally eg. if I could with human voice
"As by death" - better with "in" I think
What I liked / didn't like about this item
He kept me day by day
In this earthly walk.
Now, friend to friend,
Our spirits talk. - beautiful set of lines. These give the essence of the two aspects of our relationship in a very lovely way. My favourite piece from this poem!
Overall Comments
A lovely poem which just needs a little tidying to make it easier to read. Nice work.
It's nice to know a little more about the person behind the portfolio.
Constructive Comments
These comments are made to be of help. They are my opinions and you are free to discard or accept as you choose.
Why not break it into topics. One paragraph for your current situation and one for the period which talks about you growing up. Grouping your sentences into these two groupings will provide a nicer cohesion and logical progression too.
In the "army brat" sentence you have used "was" four times. You may want to work some of these so that the setence does not become tired.
What I liked / didn't like about this item
I wanted more! This gives a beautiful brief and succinct story about who you are, but it made me curious to know more about you.
Add a question mark after farewell in the second stanza
Your poem starts off very nicely and the imagery and ideas are wonderful.
I felt that the last three verses didn;t flow as well and while the ideas are still great, it perhaps needs a little polishing to make it as great as the first part.
For example, in verse 4, the lines are broken at uncomfortable and unnatural places.
I would try placing "beating on the next line down and then breaking that line after "time" etc. You might have to sacrifice the last line ... ?
I like your take on the creative process and it was a pleasure to read.
An interesting piece. I particularly like the closing and bringing it back to the reader - it's up to us what we do with them, in writing or in our dreams.
A few constructive comments:
"on the side of a sidewalk " - this reads a bit clumsily and would be tidier if you removed the bit I put in red.
"former glory strongly believing" - comma after glory
"crying tear of sadness she has lost all faith" - tears and then I would end the sentence after sadness and begin a new sentence at "she"
"disreguarding" - disregarding
"all the answers he" This whole sentence is a run on one and should be broken after answers. It becomes much more readable and comprehensible then.
This is quite a fun look at writers and the possibilities of being someone else's story. I liked that aspect. There is some very nice flow in this poem.
I particularly enjoyed this verse, it is very picturesque.
"I am the mistress of the place in my mind
where fiction and fantasy grows.
Its hidden quite nicely, till I beckon it come,
Like a rampaging river it flows."
On the critique side, I think the very first line could be improved, it does not read right and seems quite harsh and a little disconnected from the following line and the remainder of the poem.
Also "When the birthing of new lives retrace" again seems to not quite fit and perhaps 'retrace' is used only to fit the rhyme scheme or maybe it is the "when" that needs changing.
This is quite a cool poem. I like its air of mystery, it dangles the possibilities in front of the reader without actually saying that they are there.
A couple of small comments:
"So long ago" is a phrase that is used twice. Perhaps one could be replaced by an alternative and this would give you an added area to deepen the description.
"It replays oer and oer, in the street." - the contractions of over are not totally necessary here to maintain the rhythym. If you do want to retain them however, they need apostrophes "o'er"
This has some beautiful imagery and is a story nicely told. It could easily be formatted into a poem as it carries a nice rhythym. Regardless of whether it stays as prose or not, I feel that the first line needs to be changed. Put "Stripped..." on a new line and this upholds the rhythm of the remaining poem and visually looks neater also.
This is an interesting little poem. You have some neat phrases here which remind me of a cat hunting.
You could work with that and insert some imagery of a cat stalking it's pray (you would be the quarry and the shadows the cat). It would give a greater sense of your creativity and word play and show the reader what you mean without telling them.
Even though this poem has a dark side, I feel that it also shows a little of your playfulness too. Let it out and see what happens.
I certainly do not agree with the hopelessness that you have expressed in this poem and it is not my style, not my thing.
Despite this, the poem is well crafted and full of intense imagery and mood that make this a brilliant read.
It is strange how you can both love and hate something and this work falls into that category for me. I hate the lack of hope but the expression of it is great. I thank you for bringing me something completely different that makes me feel - not just one emotion, but two opposing ones.
Okay, so what happens. Did they do the second date, did they get married or part ways, what was in the second box - I wanna know!
This is a lovely story. I loved the way you had Carol taking the time to think about her aunt. That was honouring and beautiful. I felt her emotion and the specialness of the time, it was definitely a tangible mood you created.
I too, felt annoyed, when Christopher broke her reveries. It was rude, and very effective
Just a few minor typos, Shaara:
"Cristopher’s a smart guy" - sp.
"teller pulled it my aunt's box" - out, not it
"Ignoring Christopher's the lawyerly arguments" - delete 'the'
Thanks for a read that truly took me out of myself for a few brief moments.
Sweet story, that gave me a little laugh. You had a nice way of putting together the Writer's Cramp prompts.
I would have had Peter's hands covered in the sticky stuff left over from her carrying the letters, as she shook his hand. I think I would have been more satisfied with that ending, rather than her being 'got' yet again.
Also I had a little trouble with the idea of people 'tampering' with mail. If she couldn't read the addresses of the wet mail, how'd they get to where they were supposed to. I know it wasn't the main focus of the piece, but it offered up some believability issues right at the start.
Shaara, this was a nice read, light and easy. A lovely 'quick-read' under the grey skies (I think it's going to rain soon).
Am sorry that you have lost so many people close to you. It is never easy but there is much comfort knowing that they are in heaven and for them there will no more suffering or pain.
I know this will be a very personal and heartfelt poem, so I hope you don't mind a constructive review.
"I will walk the streets of heaven and hold Christ’s hand and
Live with those I love in Beulah Land."
I thought that the flow of these last two lines could be improved slightly be dropping the length of the 1st and slightly altering the 2nd.
i.e.
Walking the streets of heaven and holding Christ’s hand
Living with those I love in Beulah Land.
You could even add in a word or two to the last line to make it's rhythm more in keeping withe the other line.
Keep up that beautifullyt positive attitude. It is a gift from the Lord.
A lovely 'feel' to this poem. It is sad but strong and persevering. It very much portrays the noble and free spirit. Your rhyme is very good, with just the one rhyme not quite perfect (ground, down).
A small typo:
"crying a trumelent sound" - tremulent
Thank you for a beautiful poem that manages to capture so many emotions.
I have a couple of comments for you and I hope that you find them helpful.
"Morning shivers
small child dressed in
Minnie Mouse swimsuit.
Wiggles insulate her
from water's chill." - this doesn;t flow as well as it could. Each line is short and sharp with no flow through.
For example:
'Morning shivers a
small child dressed in
a Minnie Mouse swimsuit...' provides a better flow from one line to the next.
"from feather-nested maternity" - I am not sure entirely what is meant by the phrase 'feather-nested' I wonder whether other people have the same query? Perhaps not, but may be something to consider.
"as carefully woven grasses
unravel and gust away
on time's wind" - awesome imagery and an excellent use of metaphor.
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"Bang-bang went its gun" - his gun, I know it might be sexist to assign a male gender to the hunter but better than an 'it' 
I would start this story at the competition rather than with him waking up. That would give you more words to add some mood setting or emotions.
"I feel so lost and oh so lonely" - slow this line down by adding some punctuation, making teh reader pause on the "oh" thus making it more tangible and the feelings deeper. i.e. I feel so lost and, oh, so lonely. 
"there lied my ancestors" - lay
I found this item rather jumpy. It's thoughts seem to leap around from place to place, returning back to a certain point and cycling around. I found this made it quite difficult to follow. Perhaps breaking it into a few small paragraphs would help separate the ideas, starting each paragraph with the return to the beginning of the cycle.
"As a single tear starts a waterfall, flowing softly into one's lap, with no beginning and no end." - this sentence left me a little confused and I think it is the "As" at the beginning which has no resolution at the end of the sentence. I think it reads better without the "as".
A little typo in the brief description "behine" - behind