Hey There GodsPrincess
Greetings! I saw your story on the Request a Review page and was intrigued by your title. I hope you find my comments helpful. Please know I offer suggestion in the spirit of encouragement with the intent of sharing one reader's perspective.
Aaaah, a night to remember, we all long for nights like that.
There is a sort of longing-romantic air about the tone of your story. And then deceit! This element of deception helps to make this very short story mysterious and inviting as the reader is enveloped in this long embrace between your two charcters.
In fact, for such a short story, the reader learns quite a lot about both your characters. Though we know little to nothing about their background, or what brought them together, the fact they are feeding upon each other's desire, is indeed, intriguing.
I think you have some wonderfully effective senteces, words that help give substance to their union under the moon and stars. For instance: "She skittishly glanced at his sullen face and simply blushed, the vast moonlight caressing her and enhancing her features even the more." This is a wonderful descriptive sentence allowing the reader to pulled into her innocence.
Also, I loved some of your out-of-the-ordinary, but appealing, descriptions such as: "...he allowed himself to be persuaded by the moon’s parental scoff as he held his betrothed ever so tighter tight as if shielding her from dangers... ." Wonderful!
The ending line was by far my favorite. So romantic and rich.
"The man leaned forward ever so slightly and their lips met under the gaze of a full moon and the whispering, callow stars." Excellent!
I do feel your story needs a little polishing and refining. Take for example your opening sentence: "Esoteric as the day is long, his evergreen forest-coloured trench coat twirling about madly with her in his strong, lithe arms." Aesthetically it's lovely. But it doesn't excite me as the reader. There is some action, which is vital to hook the reader, but the pretentious opening phrase, is a bit perplexing to me. It needs clarifying. I wonder, how is his trench coat esoteric as the day is long? Just a thought to ponder.
She opened her mouth, started to say something, anything she thought would impress him, but she thought it best to say naught and simply…blushed. In the above sentence, I'd like to caution you about repetition and wordiness. The repeated use of 'thought' and then the use of superfluous words that don't really add meaning to your sentence, but serve as fillers, weigh your overall sentence down. And I'm not sure about the 'blushed' it seems like and odd interjection. perhaps: She opened her mouth as if to speak, hoping to impress him but decided to say naught, blushing instead.
Sometimes its best to just keep it simple.
In the following sentence, here again, just wanted to share an observation about the use of wordiness and repetition, of 'tux/tuxedo." "He wore a simple midnight and white coloured tux that would have appeared to be just an ordinary tux, nothing spectacular about it, to those who were outside" looking in. But to the seldom few who knew the true tale, this tuxedo the man wore was no ordinary tux. I also wanted to add,
your statement of the tux is intriguing, but it raised unanswered questions, how does the Tuxedo, make this man? Just thoughts for you to consider.
You are certainly on the right track. There was so much to appreciate in this short story as I've mentioned above. It just needs a little polishing so it can be all it promises to be. I do love the aesthetic quality and mysteriousness of this story. Well Done!
Write on and then write on some more!
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