Hi MatildaRose,
It’s about the killing of a hapless George Floyd, who got killed by a cop suspecting him , would escape crime which he is not proven guilty. Hats off to you you have given him great tribute saying “Gentle giant, George Floyd , You will not be forgot(en).” Also you have declared your protest loud and clear in stressful voice “We will not stand by And let this be okay We will not let anyone’s Voice be taken away.” Inspite of you being a white, in no uncertain terms. Well written,short and sweet.There are a few corrections/omisions ,I feel I should point out to the best of my knowledge. I am impressed………….kranand
Hi Pumpkin Zeta,
The story revolves round the protection of Everdagger, an enchanted super weapon, a dagger, that was inherited as magic weapon by the parents of Flamenza Torriscald. (It’s history goes back to the time when he was nine years old. A dreaded and destructive dragon named “Ziryukari” terrorizes Elemental City. There was no hero who defeat that mighty beast, but when Flameza’s parents tossed him a light enchanted sword that can penetrate dragon scales, he throw it right at Ziryukari’s heart, defeats it, and saves the city.)
Princess Arunika Aerwyna, the princess of the sun, sent five guards to protect the Everdagger at the Castle of Elements in Central Elemental City. The five guards need to keep an eye on any monsters that try to go after the weapon. Flameza Torriscald was spearheading the five guards in protection and any ensuing fight that may erupt in guarding it.
Before any of the guards knew what was going on, a brutal and bloody monster busted down the doors to the chamber and wipes out Guards.
Death scoffs and stabs the last guard in the heart with the Everdagger.
After Death has wiped out all five of the guards that failed to protect the Everdagger from being stolen, Flameza Torriscald.” goes off and disappears without a trace!
A good plot,well concieved!
A mind boggling volley of characters appear to mar the reader’s attention. I suggest quite lot of pruning in the number of characters is necessary unless they are essential to the plot.
Hi Weirdme Addams,
You have described the improvements that you would like to implement when you give an amelioration to windows. Also you have listed one by one your advanced requirements to be incorporated . It’s written well to convey anyone who reads. What was your intention for posting on a writer’s website like the one here? Obviously you wanted the readers to read and appreciate, comment or improve the writing if I am right. But did you consider what makes a reader to read this. It should attract a reader’s attention, it should provide information he wants to get from it, and like this. My suggestion to you is to think on all these matters before it is placed on a website like this. It’s only my suggestion, please try to consider. You have nicely described what improvements you will do to the window; a good description! Keep writing ………kranand
Hi Lyricite,
It’s terrific, scary and spine-chilling account of the father and son conversation and unfolding of a story.
It’s fantastic, scary bit of a story of Harrly, remembering that he was floating in air six feet in the air above, “yelling” at his “ dad and Barbara for getting married” and his memory recalls him “looking down at my dad from six feet in the air and yelling, "I can't!"” Everything else felt like a blurry dream, under the influence of an incantation his father recited! The story is well spun around the powerful art of the incantation that they have inherited from ancestors generations past.
I was further astonished how smoothly you have concluded the story with its opening the end scene first and last words conneting it make it complete! May be I am unable to express my feelings but I could see the masterly story writing in this technique you have adapted…I relished it from start to end uninterrupted, a great story well written! I liked it to the chore!
Hi normajean,
It’s a story spun around Gorge I and George 2, ruled and kept encased on the planet under strict surveillance of the rulers. The story for most part is narrated through conversation between them. The whole gamut of the routine processes through which the rulers track and keep tab on every individual like them , has been covered in their conversation. George 1, desirous of escape from them does move to the planet where no one lives, while George 2 remains encased and deployed in persecution planet to work dismantling trashed computers . The conversation between them after they separate out, and the hopes of Gorge 2 getting chance to join George 1 is depicted tactfully in their conversation.
The story gets concluded abruptly but meaningfully in the concluding lines “Eventually their batteries wore down. When they were no longer able to communicate, the rulers came to the planet and found George 1 and his encase. His remains with his computer chip were sent to the persecution planet to be destroyed. Then George 2 was found and his remains were swept up, and his computer chip was also added to the pile to be destroyed.”
It’s a well crafted Sci Fi I enjoyed reading through till its end.
It’s a beautiful poem describing the longings of a book held in the bookshelf! Hats off to your writing skills, you have successfully filled bubbling life into the Book, and speak through it the aspirations book authors! It’s a masterly crafted metaphor in and out, a feast for lovers of poems , both authors and writers as it gives expression to their hearts as well. It’s great, I like it a lot………….kranand
Hi Lyricite ,
It remids me of the adage “Daughters are darlings of fathers, Sons are favorites of mothers”, and you have established your part of it here in this poem! It stirs great emotions in discerning fathers that read the poem. It’s nice I liked it very much…………kranand
I am astonished to see your portfolio, its vast,wide and deep reflecting the fund of expeience in life's mill that's packed in it. I for one write basically to vent my feelings as I experience and revisit them when I feel like. Thanks to Writing.com its encouraging and has given an opportunity to share with like minded members. I relish reading your works to find pleasure and inspiration to write more and more.......With regards.......kranand
Hi Beholden,
Nice, true to the title, Amilcar the hermit did his role exceedingly well. You have described it in “all conversation” style making quite compact, short and easily understandable language that children could follow well. The names of characters chosen evokes a good lot of fun and humor, well matching to the taste of children. What else is required to make it a great read than satisfying the palate of targeted readers!
In all it’s a nice piece of writing! ……….kranand
Hi Aisha,
You have analysed the subject well taking basic factors affecting both sides involved. Flow of thought is well directed for reasoned conclusion at the end by saying …… “we can always find some space for refugees, the better job an newplace dreamers, as we believe world is a better place when we all are together” A few grammatical mistakes at the opening sentences need your relook.
I appreciate your noble thoughts and universal brotherhood! It’s a nice writing I liked.
Hi “Mar Prax”
It’s thrilling prank, played by Tyler insisting Mathew to pull the fire alarm. The whole episode is described quite vividly as though the reader is witnessing it. His guilty feeling while sitting beside Mathew, facing the principal is a nice humor enacted.
Quite a good narration mixed with funny dialogue, expression of anger and guilt, fear, a good concoction, keeps the reader on nerves, I liked reading , remembering our school day pranks and mischiefs! Quite an expert writing!
Hi Ruwth,
It is a vivid description of your search for food in your fridge and cupboards. I was carried away by your patience and presence of mind to try making food out of whatever you could find in them. The description of mixing the oil and flour, adding water, salt and pepper, gives an impression to reader as if he is watching it physically present in front of you. Your expression after tasting it in the end is nice……… But I have to ask, Did you intend to describe what you did to the reader or was it anything more than that? I mean any story or essay?
Hi Matilda Rose,
It’s a touching scene you have painted, dragging me back to similar scenes in my personal life. It reflects the longing of a lonely father for an affectionate daughter’s wish that never materialized, pushing him in to recollect sweet memories of the family, more specifically the lovely toddler daughter’s in your recollections like:
“I watched your first steps,
When you ran your first race
But you tripped, balancing the egg
And landed straight on your face
So I took you for ice-cream
Return the smile to those cheeks”
Also even amidst your loneliness, your concern for the hard life realities of a darling daughter “3 kids, hey
That must be hard work
Id love to meet them,” is quite heart rending.
In all it’s a touching poem painting the longing of a lonely father to the sweet company of his darling daughter! .Well written, I liked it to my hearts!
Hi “Kathie Sthr”
Quite a picturesque description of the desperate run and effort of Lacy to save her kids, not bothering about herself getting burnt. The sequence of happenings are well knit, picture of drunk husband snoring on his reclining chair, liquor bottles strewn all around , and more so the burning cigarette dangling , causing the fire are well inserted at right places of the story. It is quite a good thriller keeps reader nervous to know whether the kids are rescued and how she did it. …….Well done , Keep writing!
Hi Aisha
You have described how the trends of shopping has changed from being a routine life chore in to a “hobby of sorts”. Also you have described further the advantages of shopping,its impact on younger generation, and finally have concluded to state your opinion “Shopping should be merely a part of our daily routine and not a leisure habit. It is not a very positive trend to get accustomed to.”
I liked the way you have reasoned out your conclusion, I appreciate it.
Hi, “Lori J”
This is about how it looks like in 2055 AD , 30 YEARS AHEAD FROM NOW. VOW , it was great experience I had reading your Scifi , flying with you on your ship my mind blew off tizzy , I was thrown off your ship at mind boggling speed roaring ! Having thrown off I don’t remember what all took place, I ‘m here back on earth with my head over body intact getting up from deep snoring slumber! Any way , joke apart, I decided to keep your work to review later as it’s great novel , a very UNIQUE STYLE I have encountered in your writing. I will be back with review later in detail………..kranand
Hi “ Crow”
Its nice to see the other side of time, what it takes to stop time! A nice strategy to “to see that the catapults are well placed, and the archers within range. We are now ready. And what is time doing? Time is laying siege, waiting. After all, time is on its side.’ A good point brought out by you unlike the conventional thought that time moves on unstopped no matter what happens. I relished the viepoint u propound here!...........kranand
Hi “Very thankful”
I am moved by the nice letter by which you are acknowledging the great service provided by your "four legged” children…..your pets I guess ……..Its magnanimity in you, the love towards them. What if they are four legged, they provide more lovely bond than fllow humans. You have demonstrated it by your letter to your three children,Josette,Magie and Rocky, acknowledging each one of their services to you and the way you loved them! A very touching letter indeed. I liked it the way it touched my heart. Nice, keep it up. The subtle way you have written , keeping the reader what these children could be and diulging some where mid course of letter, divulging they are “four legged” is very nice……..kranand
Hi “Chantelle”,
An amazing piece of writing I was carried away by your master crafting. Nice I could chance myself reading it thanks to the website.
You have written about the ordeal of sleepless nights spent as a routine by “Ruby” due to the absence of “Fuer”, her loneliness that everyone around is oblivious about, the withering grass on the dark way to her doorstep , the pile of ash ,
the pile of ash she found, are all picturesquely woven into. “The sound of shattering glass” triggering “ combined adrenaline of three hundred athletes, and all she wanted to do know was to stab him” are few words that impacts the reader like a thunder to instantly feel its intensity with which she was to stab him. His request to give him a chance to survive from her angry stab is very well couched in the forceful conversation impressed me through and through to anxiously await and see what would happen. The anxiety is suddenly resolved by your concluding sentence “………. A chance was all he would get” leaving the reader with relaxation from the anxiety. Well written feast for all to read and read more of such writings! …………. kranand
Hi “Mister E”
The article you have written is a description of Lucie Thomas. You have provided her physical looks, her nature, likes dislikes, about geographic origin and the likes. A mention is made about her five children from her late husband, their names , ages . A good description, one gets a picture of characters are described. There is no indication of the purpose why you are describing or some sort of inference from the description is absent. Language is understandable, simple and narrative. I could not make out what you are conveyin g other than description of characters. My suggestion would be to write with a purpose what you write for and inference you would draw. It is only my suggestion not any negative comment. ………… Regards
Hi Normajean
A picturesque description of Susie’s preparation to attend her twenty fifth reunion of her high school and the events that followed. I was impressed by the in depth reflection of her dangling moods , trashing the invitation and suddenly changing it considering it an opportunity for her get elated with the success she attained in writing in front of her old friends who would get surprised by the great change for the better. A surprise invitation for her to address the gathering, and her jubilation , opening her address saying she has no regrets pointing to her green hair- are very well crafted to keep the reader contemplating.
In short it’s a nice picture of the jubilation and sequential change of moods from negation to great jubilation. I enjoyed it through and through!
Hi Andrew Writes
Mr Yamaguchi’s simple life picture that you have painted is very impressive. Yes I termed it a picture because I could visualize his movements through your picturesque narration.His walk down to cemetery collecting flowers from flowershop on the way, his placing the flowers on near her tomb, his conversation with the departed soul , do stirr a burst of readers emotions . As he meets his friend the recollectios of their past association have all been described well.A revisit to your writing could make a little more concise without loosing content, its only my gut feeling in a short time. I enjoyed it all through.
I noticed by chance spelling bug in the word “courtain” …….. it should read “curtain”.
It is a heartrending memoir ,well written……….Keep it up……..kranand
Hi “Normajeantrent”
Nice to read through your fiction. I am happy Snow didn’t play spoil sport on Sally and Jeff’s wedding day, though it caused a lot of anxiety and made Sally to hold Jeff responsible for choosing that snowy season for the wedding!
You have narrated a scene of snow incessantly falling on Sally and Jeff’s wedding day, the mounting anxiety, sudden appearance of a large black cat in front of their cabin, and finally the surprise arrival of guests relieving the couple of their mounting anxiety and uncertainty.
I was also tense, thought the snow comes in their way, stops the wedding! I liked the skillful escalation and abrupt resolution of anxiety and suspense. I was wondering how the appearance of snow cat adds to the sequence except it caused people to pop out of windows to wave at Jeff and Sally.
In short it’s a fine description of a snowy morning of Montana, and the story of Jeff-Sally wedding day blues. Well written, keeps reader through to the end. Nice Keep it up!
……….. kranand
Hi “Doctor Wizard”
You have opened your memoir quite impressively, I couldn’t but laugh loudly at the fun you have added to it. Different walks of people look at the word salt in different angles; that comes to their mind first, depending on their background. It’s quite a unique start you have given to your work, quite witty indeed!
Down further as I read I confirmed your great wits which is ratified by you in your own words” I researched for two days to type an essay about the man we wear on our chests with pride. He was not just a swordsman, but also a wise soul. In his life of fighting, he took the time to write books, pursue philosophy, and practice architecture. Not just a warlord but a man of wits.”
You have packed throughout with a volley words of wisdom, I have no words to say ,you are great philosopher backed by rich experience.To quote one or two of such ones: “I took the ocean as a void filled with wisdom to share to those who came to listen. I would stare out for hours at a time with many questions”. “Salt leaves a bad taste to the mouth but it's what keeps us going.”
These lines I jot down here are far inadequate I wonder its akin to ten blind men describing an elephant, only one or two facets of your work!
In short it's Amazing!
Hi “Hunters Moon”
You have written and brought out the obvious ill effects of global warming, the consequent fury of natural calamities as fall out. It’s well knit into a cute poem .You have given a strict warning and a wise advise:
“It's time we took a stand - pointing fingers is a game.
If we don't take action, then we're the ones to blame.
There will be no future. All that's left will be "goodbye."”
Well done,keep it up…………kranand
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