Hi Ezekiel Stephens ,
This is purely one of the reader’s impression not intended to offend any one.
I read through your short story and I guess it is part of a greater plot where details are hidden for a reader of this story. This is only my impression as a reader, earnestly trying to guess things.
It’s a revealing account narrated by a bewildered school going child true to its nonsensical tone and content presumably to reflect its deeply bewildered mind. Descriptions are vivid, and as the genre indicates truly reflecting nonsensical matter basically to reflect the acute confussion wrought in the child’s mind.
It appears a tough riddle to guess the content, but literally everything is fine and puts readers into big guess till the last. The suspense is suddenly resolved by your concluding lines “Suddenly the screen comes to life and a terrible creature jumps out at me. It is purple with an orange abdomen and face. It has a beak with hundreds of sharp teeth. It has crazed yellow eyes. It has a long tail and the arms and hands of a human. It is alive and it is going to kill me. Everything is going in and out of focus. Monkeeeyyy... comes back the echo”.
Looks like it’s part of a Sci Fi getting unraveled in a larger plot………..kranand
Hi Jacky
I read through your You'll never believe what happened next! Here are some of my impressions as a reader intended to help if it’s worth it. Its all as I see things and to be taken a such.
The conversation between Randy and John has been well knit to evolve the story behind it. Most part of it is indulging in too much detail as opined in the following lines: “Do you want to hear my story or do you want to talk about Candy Miller!” though Candy Miller appears to be an important character in the story. I feel its incomplete and wouldn’t by itself allow reader to make out the story.
I liked it right up to end and it’s quite interesting………kranamd
Hi “The Puppet Master”
It’s about repeated attempt of the scout to seek the hand of one of the two women dressed in elaborate black gown. It’s nice he could reach ultimately woithout chasers obstacle only to be disheartened. The suspense about the lady that she is “married to the King” is great , I LIKED IT.
The story is narrated in simple language, well crafted free from flaws. Impressive………kranand
Hi “Prosperous Snow”
I read your fantasy “Ninth daughter” its quite interesting. The prompt in the opening specifies the story should contain the following:
• In what ways are you special?
• Tell us about a day in your life.
• Word Count: 494
Obviously it has answered well the first question. It refers to ninth birthday. At the end today’s details are briefed. As for word count it conforms to the requirements exactly 494.
About my impression as a reader:
I enjoyed reading it right through and am fascinated by the way you have crafted the special acumen she has over normal.Among them it’s great that she “can create anything, by simply visualizing it and believing it exists.” Great I wish I too get that one fine morning as I read fantasies the writers dot com provides us to read with a carrot of GP’s and prizes!
I liked it all through, lucid writing, great style , and quite understandable simple language any one can follow! …….kranand
Hi Jacky,
I read your fiction about buying New Chain Saw to prune vegetaion at Arthur . It’s a good description of the boxes, the streets on either side while he drove to Rand’s address at First street. The houses on either side look identical and it’s compared to identical boxes, -a good similie.
There’s not much of curiosity or conflict that’s normally built in to make a story a fiction to attract reader to stay reading till end. I feel you should relook and include the conflict or suspense to keep readers glued till end. This is only my suggestion, please explore how it could be done…….kranandf
Hi ScottGrisham,
The story is about Martha Alfonsi, a rich ruthless criminal, with a crime history tagged to her and Violet who is called to get hired by Martha, to assist her in taking revenge on her Prey, Becky , a close friend of Violet. The whole story begins with the arrival of Violet, Martha’s verification of violet, demonstrating what is expected of Violet by Martha. A blond pretty girl being tortured was demonstrated underneath her pretty saloon, The arrival of boxes unloded by UPS ….were all described in detail , to project her ongoing trafficking business in your lines:
“When I am finished with her, I will sell her to a bondage model collector in Italy. There, his girls spend sixteen hours a day in various bound poses. They are heavily gagged and cannot move at all. For the remaining eight, they are in a cell, doing whatever they like. Not a bad life, I suppose. Still, not one I would choose."
Reader is attracted to remain eagerly watching the ruthless criminal act of Martha till end of the scene. Well written horror I enjoyed reading all the way to the end……….kranand
Hi Don Two,
It’s a nice picturesque description of Amanda’s 10 years’ Birthday.
The jubilation of each one in the family is portrayed with the gentle love for each other. The dad’s address her as Angel, Eddie’s natural sibling’s jelousy being set aside by his special birthday surprise gift are all quite impressive and makes a normal reader wanting more and more of it. I am no exception, I enjoyed the writing every bit till the end. My ovation to Eddie’s surprise present . ……..kranand
Hi Zen,
It’s an account of how joe flew down the slope of road, after his adventurous jumpimg over the fencing parapet wall. His conversation with Army is quite jovial and it was full of confident joe taking things light and humorous! Initial description of wooden gate makes any body burst into laughter. I enjoyed the article right up to end! Well written and humorous I liked it a lot……..kranand
Hi “Percy Goodfellow”
I read through “Declaration 10: Crossbreeding”. My impressions are given below. It is only my impressions as a reader, you may or may not concur with me but are not meant to offend you or anybody. Kindly consider it as such.
It’s about the existence of cross bred hybrid children and adults of Humans and Aliens having characteristics of both. The aim of declaration appears to consider the proposal of the success of grafting the dying European wine with the more resistant American rootstock as evidence to justify betterment of both races by hybridization. A wel conceived article I liked it.
Hi “HuntersMoon”
I read through your short story sci fi and here are my impressions, rather than a review.
It’s about the team of Jim Hawkins and Lisa , a Xenobiologist going on an exploration of “ The land of unloving” Aridus, where there were no significant signs of existence of water, the topical surface blurred by gust of winds mixed with sand lashing .Lisa, “assigned as a xenobiologist, the task of establishing contact with the local natives and creating a basis for communication” wonders how Ariduvian’s existed seemed a mystery. She was enthusiastic saying meeting them often and communicate by a suitable language is the only way they could get to know about the land.
Lisa as she walks with her desert outfit suddenly the ground below her gives way, she finds herself fallen flat hands and legs stretched apart, as she wakes up. This part of the happenings and further , the story gains momentum, describes vividly all that proceeds.
I liked the conversation well laid out, to unravel the mysteries of the land. When she was desparate without signals to contact Jim, she finds by surprise the leader of Arudian group, was greeted by him.
The story ends when he gently wipes her tears, pointing out to the word Rain, indicating in a way he has understood her tear drops akin to Rain. Thus the story connects with title “Rain”
I liked to read through the story till end with curiosity to find more and of the Arudian interaction with Lisa. It would enhance its impact on reader. Well written story, good conversation, a novel theme are nicely gelled in……….kranand
Hi Gita,
I read through your article about the present day online consultation practice of doctors. It is reflecting the utter disregard to ascertain the real illness before prescription. You have brought out the concerns a doctor had during your child hood, the warm personal attention they were giving before realistic prescription. A good attempt is made to bring out badly deteriorated quality of medical service.
I found a few places in the write up that needs your revisit for correction glaringly.
First there are repetitions example “wee hours of this icy morning” appears twice.
Second, you need to conclude clearly the message you are trying convey.
It is only my observation to help and not hurt your sentiments.
Yes it’s a major concern that trends of medical service are going bad and you have chosen to alert readers about it.
Hi “Oddman”
The matter is about Bruce, the Bat man being sent to Gotham city with mission to save the good and kill the bad by spreading the virous, secretly on instruction fromChin Luing keeping Nolan the boss and Fox his guide. While Bruce kept silent for repeated questions from Nolan and Fox, he could no more maintain silence when Nolan tells he got to know about the spread of virous everywhere.
The whole story is told through conversation of the trio keeping the secret about Bruce’s mission till the end.
Thus the batman becomes badman being responsible for the virous onslaught.
Reader is kept inquisitive to read through the whole conversation till the end, a good suspense well kept. I liked the skillful way the story is presented.
Hi “Aritsou”
I am recording my impressions rather than review of your creation.
It’s heart rending ,picturesque sad story of Jonathan whose deep routed remorse , coupled with callous life style has brought him to like the life of a recluse, trying to express his deep regrets,joys and sorrows ridden story of his past in a Lyric titled Linguine.
The Jovial warm uncle Fabian appears to be the only near and dear to Jonathan. Fabian’s Linguine that’s offered in his restaurant is a favorite delicacy that Jonathan can never forget in his life. What other way can Jonthan pay his tributes than dedicating to Linguine the title for his lyric?. Naturally he has named it as Linguine to “Jonathan's own frustrations, sadness, happiness, failures and regrets in the only way he knew how to convey those sentiments. In it were words that described Jonathan as a person, yet somehow would be acclaimed to be just another modern hip hop song”
It is a deeply meaningful expression that pierced deep into my heart, I could never stray aside till I completed the reading. I liked it a lot both by the skillful way it’s told as well as its power to hold readers riveted to read through, let alone the deep emotions it stirs in discerning readers. Well done, a great read to recon with!..........kranand
Hi “Winchester Jones”
It’s a good account of interactions between the brother and sister duo: Carl and Harriet. Carl, a secret agent, visits his sister Harriet in bed at her bed room, secretly to present her a Christmas gift. She follows him as he walks down into basement, watches him climb “spider-like to a cupboard which he opened silently. Inside were presents wrapped in all colors”. They encounter each other openly; no secrets in between, ngage in conversation. The curious Harriet gets disappointed as there there was no Santa Claus in the proposed gift. The scene ends with a conversation between them, and concludes as he disappears and she’s back in bed
““Need-to-know only.” Harriet whispered to the dark ceiling. “Secret agents are so way cool...”
I liked enjoying the picturesque description, short and sweet conversation, and touching scenes, throughout to the end....... kranand
Hi Misawa,
I read your poem, two gardens. It is about a soldier’s dead body returns home to the grief of his dear mother.
The gardens represent the sweet memories of life, a beautiful metaphor. Though the mother fell to her knees in shock, learning her soldier son is dead, her love of justice, freedom, sovereignty of country is emphasized in the lines:
“to learn I’d died in a battle
a true and just cause”
and
“But mom’s proud of her soldier
and she shares my love
of freedom and country
of God up above”
The poem is very well structured to four line stanzas, with rhythm to appease reader’s poetic palate.
I was impressed by the noble theme, metaphoric reference of sweet memories as gardens and coherent flow of thought. I liked it…..kranand
Hi Jacky,
A nice story how white owl took to flying far above, “furthest he’d flown in his whole life” only to find “ not even one cloud seemed any nearer. Finally, he decided he had to give up, at least for today”. He decides to, give up and fall back at last, “just give his a rest”. Quite a picturesque description.
It’ beautifully compared to “ Mom’s cookies off at the bake sale after all.” A nice similie. I was impressed by the clear, simple and understandable language it has been written. I enjoyed reading it to the end!
Hi Dave,
Very nice poem, of the memories of “Three Musketeers” ” Bobby, Tim and me(the narrator) stirs any reader of his /her child hood memories and takes them back through of annals of age! You have very subtly interspersed the childhood mischief, fun and playful friendship. The similies mother’s “bowls of hot mulligan stew for the three musketeers”, in addition to “Soap Box Derby, Little League, Jamboree” that formed the recipes for the “glue” that formed the bond between the three, to “back through stormy skies or blue” are very apt and enjoyable to lovers of poetry. I was carried away by your expert in using them.
The line “Winking shadows of that past now buoy me.” Is another masterly creation, that impressed me a lot.
It was a feast I enjoyed , read again and again,mulling it’s poetic beauty.
Well written, backed by a lot of personal experience if guess it correct!
Hi Connieann
It’s a beautiful poem, about your “Boss” Mopsy, your lovely pet! The beauty of the poem lies in the picturesque description, the rhythm and Rhyming bells! Yet another matter your domestic chore that occupies all the time , Mopsy provides you a playful company all through! With the entertaining Mopsy around, what more do you need? She fills your time with love, jumps all around to make you laugh in return of the service you give by your affectionate care!....I liked the poem it touches my heart to see such a great company you have in Mopsy!......kranand
A short narration about snow ice cream Grandma Newland was making. The process of fetching pure ice, how its made by mixing vinegar and sugar are described. It brings to my memory how, in my youger days , grandparents were enjoying life in the warm company of children and grandchildren! A good memory ticker I enjoyed it a lot.
The lines “This is when she got the ice cream bowls out of the cupboard and put the snow mixture into them.” reminds us the systematic life they lead. It’s quite impressive.
It’s about the intention of using the same type of prank, the letter, between husband Dan and wife Cynthia.
Dan writes a prank letter with a clue about his flirting with Tina with the help of Bill to tease Cynthia, and have some fun. Dan thinks his letter has created the fun and pleads it’s only his joke, and begs her pardon. Cynthia shouts at the later and dares to kill Tina , creates ruckus. It’s in reality a letter got written by Cinthia in collution with Tina to cook up a reason for her Divorce for gain , Dan’s flirt with Tina .The secret is very well busted in the telephone talk she does with Tina ““Thanks Susan, your letter worked just like I thought it would. Tina’s in for a bad day, but at least Dan won’t be thinking about me. I can switch over all the bank accounts and be gone before he gets the divorce papers, that lying, cheating jerk.””
It’s a nice fun and prank kept secret till it bursts, I liked and enjoyed , bursting in laughter!
Hi Soldier_Mike ,
You have nicely portrayed the value of being free, in the lines “To her way of thinking, all the time in the world was hers to use as she saw fit.”. Also you have forcefully made a contrast view commonly prevailing in the lines “People spend too much time cocooned in their homes, offices and cars, she always declared. They don't know how to enjoy the feeling of fresh air moving swiftly through their hair, or the sound of birdsong floating down from every tree.”
Finally you have concluded the joy of being free by describing her sigh of relief in the lines “She hadn't made it as far as the park, this time; tomorrow, perhaps.”
A beautifully worded, short and sweet message it is important to be free in life to enjoy the best that life offers, I liked it. The casual carefree air of her is symbolic of your message. It is impressively conveyed……kranand
Hi Lilly J,
What a big suspense you have maintained beginning to end, making me anxiously read till end only to bust the secret, Sebastian was not human but a Demon! Very well crafted short story, I enjoyed from beginning to end. The attraction and adoration between Ratchell and Sebastian is interwoven gently grow till it ends in a subtle romance, I call it genuine and divine!
The whole story is about Sebastian , a stranger helping Ratchell escape serious accidents, initially tought to be a tall human but finally disclosed to be a demon. Well written…….I love the style, simple language, and in a nutshell , attractive! …….kranand
Hi Jaya,
Nice I read through your short story. You have given a beautiful life picture of Moksha and Mohith in a gentle appealing way I liked. The beauty of it all lies in Mohith telling Moksha " One reason why I wanted to marry an educated girl is that she could stand on her feet independently, find a job for herself if necessary and live a contented life.” Ironic though it rings in her mind to help her come to terms with the tragedy and to start living, standing on her own legs. More often it’s a welcome change in today’s outlook of youngsters to think true to present day conditions of the society. I liked the way moksha suddenly wakes up from the deep dwell in her memory lane by the slam of the car door! Well done ,a short picturesque story of Moksha Mohith couple through almost three decades.....kranand
Hi Jacky,
It’s about the anxious family stranded in the forests, taking shelter in a cabin somewhere near the foot hills of a mountain. The father tries to find way out in his willy nilly exploration inside the forest only to abandon. They find the cabin is equipped with lots of food and other essentials enough to last. It was a lousy place with adverse weather, holding paths being submerged in snow, possibly, their car too. They still hope they would get traced once the mother’s sister comes to know they never reached their destination resort. Quite a tension filled situation picturesquely described, I like it………kranand
Hi Mordee2,
It’s about the meet of long time friends John and Annie in the old age home. A very touching dialogue. While Anie divorced Bill Thompson, about whom John knew, and married and divorced twice , John remains unmarried and declares he would say “No thanks” even if sone else would offer to marry him. For a quiery why it was so, he bursts a surprise, “I’ve been waiting for you.” Quite a beautiful and touching revealation that John makes that he’s “Waiting for Happiness” in seeking her hand in marriage. Well written gentle and impressive fiction I liked a lot!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kranand/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.40 seconds at 12:59am on Apr 27, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
