This is a good piece you have written here. The description of a fire burning within is amazing.
The feeling of saddness overtook me as I read each word you have written.
I have one suggestion
Try including punctuation. I understand that it is the choice of the poet with this but I feel it will add that little bit more to your piece.
Congratulations on a job well done. Keep up the good work as I look forward to reading more of your work.
This is cute little piece about driving. I have made a few trips where coming home the highway is deserted except for a few late travellers like myself.
Those areas where there is no radio station coming through you mind focus' on the hum of the car or the sound of your tires hitting those small lines on the road.
You did a great job. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thoughts of letting people know someone is around if they are needed, helping authors with their hard work by reviewing is a great idea.
I got hooked on this site by an upgrade and I give a big CONGRATULATIONS to everyone helping others do the same. This site has become my other home as I hope it does for others.
Rating: 4.0
Reviewed By: Lisa Dawn - sunny days
Please be reminded that all of the following comments and suggestions are from only one reader. Each one is written with the best of intentions and are in no way a personal attack on your hard work. You are free to do as you see fit for each remark.
First Impressions
A beautiful poem about the hurt of love. A view that not many people would look at but many have felt. You did a great job with this piece it was a pleasure to read it. Tips and Suggestions
I might suggest punctuation for this piece. It could add just that little bit more to the piece. Outstanding Highlight
What a twisted world
if this is our fate My Final Say
You did a great job. I look forward to reading more of your art. Keep on writing.
Rating: 4.0
Reviewed By: Lisa Dawn - sunny days
Please be reminded that all of the following comments and suggestions are from only one reader. Each one is written with the best of intentions and are in no way a personal attack on your hard work. You are free to do as you see fit for each remark.
First Impressions
I thought this was a sweet response to someone who could be suffering from the age old WRITER"S BLOCK. All of us at one time or another have hit this wall it is the patience that allows us to make it through. My sister and I have almost a game we do. We will take a prompt (any prompt will do) and for half an hour write. It does not matter if it makes sense or not. The goal is to write. I admit one night I had a prompt of Smoke and for half an hour I wrote over and over - Can't think brain numb inspiration wont come. But after a couple of these exercises we both find ourselve bursting with energy to finish one of the "Simple Starters" (Our little name for the game) Tips and Suggestions
Considering this is just a response letter _ I really have no suggestions. Mind you occasion is incorrect (sorry editor in me came out) Outstanding Highlight
"Would you pour growth hormones on a delicate rosebud, so precious and rare, just to see it blossom sooner, or would you allow it to take its own precious time to bloom for you?" ~as each idea is like a tender rosebud it grows with each word written. My Final Say
I think you offered great advice. Whenever I am looking for some I think I may just invite you over for coffee. Keep up your good work.
You don't love me... (E) A rough patch in my marriage, please give feed back into how to improve this poem. #1136199 by Sillybearcbb
Has been rated by: Lisa Dawn - sunny days
Rating: 4.0
I am listing this piece in a feature for Teen Tips.
First Impressions:
This is a lovely poem in regards to the feelings that one person would feel when something has changed in regards to the relationship. You have expressed the way many people have felt at one time or another.
Suggestions:
Please remember that these are just the comments and suggestions of one reader. In no way are any of the comments intented as a personal attack on your piece. You are free to do as you see fit for each comment or suggestion.
have you considered inserting a comma after the word anymore
Have you considered inserting at least, before the word not
It should be a period after the word much not a comma
After anyway you are missing a question mark
Have you considered inserting a comma after the word you
A period at the end of do is missing
Closing Comments:
You have done really well with this piece. I look forward to reading more of your art. Keep on writing. I give you a big Congratulation, on a job well done.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
I can totally relate to the sentiments of this poem as a writer I have tried and hung myself with my own personal jury. It is something that we have all faced at one point or another. You did a great job describing the search for finding our muse.
Suggestions:
Pleae remember that these are just the opinions and suggestions from only one reader. They are in no way a personal attack on your piece. You are free to do with each comment or suggestion as you see fit
I am going to try and organize all my comments by stanza in hopes that my train of thought is easily followed
In the first stanza have you considered taking the third line and placing it in the begining. In my opinion it will give the reader a chance to picture the scene you are creating
There is no need for the question mark after me in the second stanza - the use of this is confusing to the reader
In the fourth stanza it would seem almost suiting to have the questions back to back and the two answers back to back - by doing this at the end of feel you could take away the period and the quotation mark and insert a comma before the next answer is given
eg: "...to feel,
because life..."
In the fifth stanza have you considered "Stunned by..." This will eliminate the double my you have in the same sentence
prosecutor is spelt incorrectly
instead of the double my have you considered changing the second my to the word the
EG: ... the only defense.
In the sixth stanza have you considered placing the second line first
I feel that you can omit the word the before judge and jury as it is not needed
I am seems a little more suiting in this piece rather than I'm - by writing this out you add a little more emphasize to what you are saying
For emphasize you could place GUILTY in all capitals
Closing Comments:
You did a great job with this piece and I loved reading it. I want you to keep writing as I look forward to reading more of your art.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
The description caught my eye. Being able to use all those prompts in one poem was a victory in itself. Having the story be told and easily followed is another.
I can definately see why you would receive an awardicon for creative use of prompts.
Congratulations on a job well done. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work so keep up the good work.
A lovely heart warming story of one night at your household. Being a mother myself I revel in the thoughts of fun times like you described. They seem to be what matters the most when the day is done. You did a great job describing this evening of fun filled laughter.
Suggestions:
Please remember these are just the views of one reader. You are free to do with each comment as you see fit. They are all intended with the best of intentions and are they in no way a personal attack on your piece.
I have tried to organize comments based on paragraph in hopes that it will help you following my train of thought
nighttime is one word
have you considered dropping the word an as it gives the idea of going to sleep early instead of the idea that it was early in the evening
try omitting the word was before glued
insert a comma after the word happily
there is no need for an apostophe on the word towards
instead of comes flying towards me have you tried flies towards
no comma is needed after the word helpless
This paragraph stands well on its own
a space is required after the comma before the word the
a comma is needed after the word hold
four person should be hyphenated
a comma is needed after the word sons
a period is needed after truce
Truly is incorrect spelling
Closing Comments:
Keep on writing about those little events they are a joy to share. I look forward to reading more of your work. It was a job well done.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
This is a very sad piece you have written with such a few words.
Using capitals and formating your piece would make this a little more attractive to the reader.
The first line can be a little confusing to a reader.
If you should go back and rewrite or edit this piece you may want to consider adding to this piece as I see alot of potential for this one to go a lot farther.
You did a great job. Keep up the good work as I look forward to reading more of your art.
You have expressed some very strong opinions in this piece. You have expressed them clearly and to the point. Though I may not agree with all the statements made I think you have completed this piece very well.
Though the content is listed correctly in the rating I feel that this piece is designed more for an older person. It is something that one may want to read when they are questioning faith in their own eyes as it gives the reader something to think about and chew on.
Well written piece, Congratulations on this piece.
Suggestions:
Please remember that these are the view points from only one reader. You are free to do as you see fit with each and every comment. These are in no way a personal attack on your piece
Have you considered adding the word "are the" before years and "you have" after
Instead of as have you considered being (after the word breath)
No comma is needed after pondering
man's requires an apostophe
I can understand the use of having the written word centered but I am a little confused as to why the next sentence is starting at the end of a line.
The Written Word should be used as a title considering it is being used as one in the text at this point
A space in lines after a title makes the reading a little easier on the readers eyes
civilizations is incorrect
The first sentence of this paragraph seems a little confusing.
have you considered using what instead of that is in the first sentence of this paragraph
Try inserting a comma after the word mystery
Starting a sentence with and is not proper, you can try omitting this word or substituting it for another word
well-trained requires a hyphen
The sentence The creators of the Holy Bible (which requires capitals) should be joined with the previous sentence by a comma
Starting a sentence with but is not proper you can omit the word or exchange it for something else but in this case I would try omitting the word
a comma is needed after stomped
have you considered omitting the word were before forgotten
have you considered adding on after stomped
Have you considered omitting the word being before the word branded
have you considered criticizing ME instead of criticize
I would try reverseing all my flaws and ME
Try omitting the comma after anyone
have you considered adding the last sentence of this paragraph to the one previous with a comma
a space in lines before the next sentence would make this easier on the readers eyes
Try omitting the comma after somebody else
Instead of their have you tried using his or her
Everthing requires a capital
When youa re writing it is time to ask for directions have you thought of including If so, at the begining of the sentence
Let's requires an apostophe - this is repeated
Each other does not require a hyphen
A space in lines between paragraphs would make it easier on the readers eyes.
Look at your use of contracted words such as don't etc and see where some of them may be a little more appropriate to write out the full term
Closing Comments:
I think you did a great job. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
A tear was shed. The description of the lonely silhouette was one that sets the feeling of loneliness before you hit the second whammy. This piece was well done. So true is the choices we make that determines the path which allows no U-turns.
Suggestions:
Have lead us ~ have you considered Have led us
Closing Comments:
You did a great job with this piece. Congrats. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your art.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
I have heard those words time and time again from my children. It was something that I had to pass over to them. Being in a mathematical field I have to say that it is something you will use later in life. You are probably using it more than you know. I have to say the name caught my eye and I was drawn in.
Suggestions:
I think you did well in this department ~ I have no suggestions for you.
Closing Comments:
I think you did a great job on this and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
This is a cute piece about a snowflake and I have to say that it was enjoyable.
When I read this piece I was envisioning the first snowfall of the year when children are staring towards the sky trying to capture the snowflakes on their tongue.
I have one suggestion for this piece. The use of color was great but the pink is hard on the eyes after the color of the bright blue.
Keep on writing I think you did an amazing job. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
This piece of yours was absolutely great. It was a total pleasure to read. I kept envisioning seeing it on something that I could actually purchase for teachers as gifts.
Suggestions:
Your rhyme scheme was great on this as it follows the same pattern all the way through.
I want to comment on the rhythym of the poem. By creating a beat pattern allows the reader to fall into a pattern when reading the piece. A beat pattern can be established by counting the syllable within each line and following through with a pattern in either each stanza or the entire works.
Closing Comments:
I think you did a great job on this and I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep up the good work.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
I think you did a good job writing this piece. You took a song and ran with an idea that you seen fit. For all purposes I think that you should continue with the story. I feel that it was just a prelude to what can be written.
Suggestions:
It is only proper that if you should quote another author that you give them credit. By writing the song in your piece you should be including the name of the author.
These are only the suggestions of one reader. You are free to do as you feel in regards to these suggestions. Please remember that all suggestion are within the best of intentions and are not in any way a personal attack upon this piece.
You start the second sentence by repeating the last words of the first sentence. It seems a little repetitive to a reader you may want to consider a coma at the end of the first sentence and then omiting the girls name.
When talking about her eyes you may want to include the words she was at the begining of the sentence.
The next two sentences were hard to comprehend as I read them a couple of times and I beleive that I have the meaning you intended. - I am not sure if you have considered "With the namesake of the old fairies her name meant mischief maker."
In the next sentence - instead of repeating her name in the same sentence you could end the sentence right after the word not.
The last sentence have you considered adding the words It was...
Closing Comments:
A job well done. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your art. I still feel that you can take off with this piece and go wild with creativity.
Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. ~ John Updike
Please keep in mind these are the comments and opinions of only one reader. The comments and suggestions that follow are for you to do as you see fit.
First Impressions:
Everyone needs a little place like this. It sounds like a place where you are free from the hassles of every day life. If only it were closer for me. I think this piece was done with a great deal of personal pride and it turned out wonderfully.
Spelling and Grammer:
Have you considered "Touching my hair is a light breeze...." in the first stanza --
Closing Comments:
You did a great job on this piece. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more pieces you have created.
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
David Sedaris, interview in Louisville Courier-Journal, June 5, 2005
Please keep in mind these are the comments and opinions of only one reader. The comments and suggestions that follow are for you to do as you see fit.
First Impressions:
This was a very heart string pulling poem. If your intentions was to bring on the tears you, you did a great job. Well done. I could hear the cries of a child's voice as I read each word.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar you did a great job in this depeartment.
A couple of suggestions of areas that you may want to look at:
Third line - have you considered with instead of and have -
Sixth line - have you considered forever I will keep instead of i know I'll keep forever
Line eleven - have you considered omitting the word had
You started with a great little rhyme scheme and then it diminished. The flow of the poem is a little off in some areas because of the rythym pattern you have chose. Not consistent in any pattern.
Once again these are just from one reader - with you to do as you would like.
Closing Comments:
You did a great job. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more pieces you have created.
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
David Sedaris, interview in Louisville Courier-Journal, June 5, 2005
Being a mother I found this piece very cute and oh so true. The way that a child would look at the idea of being good with a few mishaps under the belt.
You did a good job on this piece. The set up of this bit is easy on the eyes making it an easy read. Well done. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your art.
I gave a perfect score because it takes a lot for one to bear their soul.
I have to say that I am in total agreement when it comes to Gil Grissom. He is the doll of the crime lab.
I am going to have to check out the story with the blue towel as I watch the show faithfully. It is always interesting as to reading stories of what the TV does not show.
I will be back to your port so that I can check out your stories. Keep writing.
I have to say you did this beautifully. I could see the colors in the sunset as if I was sitting there myself.
Some suggestions that you may want to look at but are free to do as you would like
Second stanza loses your rhyme scheme
As for spelling - I am going to make an assumption that you are Canadian like myself. The spelling looks great to me but may be a little off in an American dictionary.
I think you did a great job. I look forward to reading more of your art. Keep up the good work.
Please keep in mind these are the comments and opinions of only one reader. The comments and suggestions that follow are for you to do as you see fit.
First Impressions:
I have to say that I chose this piece because I have on a couple of occassion been drawn to the 100 word contest. It is not an easy task. I did not go searching for repeated wordds or anything like that - I am sure you triple checked that one. It was very cute. I never thought it was who it ended up being (I do not want to give away your story) You did a great job on it.
Spelling and Grammer:
This piece stand very well in regards to spelling. Two suggestions that you could consider:
after chasing placing a coma
and trying the same thing after finally. Like I said though it stand well on its own those are just a couple of suggestions
Closing Comments:
I think I failed the 100 word challenge writing this review. A few words have been repeated. You did a great job on a contest that does provide a challenge. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more pieces you have created.
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
David Sedaris, interview in Louisville Courier-Journal, June 5, 2005
I think we all need to get our words out. It does not matter how but it must be done. This letter was sweet.
You have a few spelling mistakes that you might want to look at. They seem to be the same ones that I make. NOT capitalizing the word I. As well as the contraction of HAVE NOT = haven't
I hope this letter you wrote helped resolve any conflicts within yourself. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more pieces by you.
In a lot of ways I can see this fear in a lot of people. Maybe not in the same sense that you have intended but it is there.
I see people that push people away for fear of getting to close to people in fear of being hurt. But on the other hand I see the fear in people when they are close to someone. Will they hurt me will they leave, will they die, what if? There are so many questions
You captured this fear in a way that not too many people could. I think you did a great job.
I have only one suggestion that you may want to look at if you ever decide to do a revision. Mind you this is just one readers suggestion and you are free to do as you want with it.
In the begining you started out with a pattern of both rhyme and rythym. In the middle both seem a little lost. In the ending the rythym is back.
What ever you decide to do is fine. It does stand well the way it is written. I think you did a great job and should keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your art.
It is a little hard to read. There are many spelling mistakes and the constant capital letters take away from any points you are really trying to make. If you consider adjusting some of these points you could have a powerful piece here, even if I do not agree with the statements you made.
I am a firm beleiver that one must be honesty in a relationship in order to be true love amoung other qualities.
I understand what you are trying to say but unfortunately from someone who has already been there did that bought the shirt and worn it. She your girlfriend has only proven to him that she can not be trusted because she is not being honest. Something she might want to consider if she really does LOVE this guy.
I would be more than happy to go over this piece again if you consider adjusting spelling mistakes and the formating and rerating.
I do beleive that your piece could be very powerful if presented properly.
Keep writing. You are doing a great job.
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