First Impressions:
There seems to be a bit of anger supressed within your words. Not that I do not appreciate your opinions I believe that we all have a right to offer another side of the coin. Favorite Part:
It takes alot for someone to admit that they need help in anyway. Your admittance to struggling with your writing is a great step in becoming the writer you want to be. Suggestions:
I understand that this piece is a rant or rave of your opinions but - have you considered offering some statistic when mentioning some of the areas you would like to "argue"
You are talking to a group of readers and writers instead of a the term argue words such as debate may catch an interest. Overall Opinion:
I have the same issue as Don Cherry - I like to tell it as it is - in my opinion, and I see that you have some of the same characteristics which I do admire. Over the years though I have found that by changing a few words here and there you can change the way one perceives your comments. English is a very complicated language. I hope that you continue to write, whether it be rants or raves of the novel of the century - you have a lot of talent that is just waiting to be read.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
First Impressions:
This is a sad piece of realizing that your hearts devotion has let you down again. The saddness is consistent throughout the piece having the reader want to reach out to you
Favorite Part:
Tears form but do not spill - I have been in that situation where I want to cry but almost realize that it has happened so many times that the tears are dried up.
Suggestions:
I have only one suggestion which I would like to remind you comes from only one reader and you are free to do with as you see fit.
Try formating your piece. It gives a pleasing invitation to the reader drawing them into your work.
Overall Opinion:
I think you did a great job. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
First Impressions:
This is not an easy feat with telling a story in only one hundred words never mind not repeating a single word. I think you did a great job. The story of how you got started writing was terrific.
Favorite Part:
I like the one line - A life long journey began. So true for so many writers. It starts with something simple and just keeps going from there.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time as I feel this piece stands very well on its own.
Overall Opinion:
Great job. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
First Impressions:
This is a very cute piece. A great one to share with teenagers going through their troubled times of no one likes me because I am different. It has a great message telling people that it is more than okay to be a little different.
Favorite Part:
This has to be the last line. I think because I have always told people that I am special through and through that this line hit home.
Suggestions:
I really have no suggestions at this point only because I think it stands well on its own and if I were to leave any comment I think that I would mention that punctuation may help emphasize your piece just that much more.
Overall Opinion:
I think you did a great job. Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
First Impressions:
Having a father that is a chef I can totally appreciate this piece. It was a well done piece. I loved the metaphors used throughout the piece. The formating was easy on the eyes making the reader want to continue.
Favorite Part:
Overall I have to say I loved metaphors through out the piece. Each one represented life in its own unique way that almost any reader could relate to.
Suggestions:
Remember that these are the views from only one reader. They are in no way meant to be hurtful or harmful for you and you are free to do with them as you see fit.
~I really have none at this time as I think this stands well on its own
Overall Opinion:
You did a great job on this piece. Congratulations on a job well done. I look forward to reading more of your art in the future. Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
First Impressions:
A very cute approach to an old time favorite. It brought me back to the old book I still have on my shelf with all the nursery rhymes in it. The pictures in the book never brought forth anything like this
Favorite Part:
I like the last stanza. It has a sense of my childhood where it meant outside to play unlike my own children that are consumed with video games and computers.
Suggestions:
Please be reminded that all of the following comments and suggestions are from only one reader. Each one is written with the best of intentions and are in no way a personal attack on your hard work. You are free to do as you see fit for each remark.
~There is a loss of flow for the reader in this piece. You can easily correct this by counting syllables within each line.
~in the second last stanza you may want to try inserting a comma after the word excitment
~in the last stanza you may want to try inserting a comma after the word again
Overall Opinion:
I think you did a great job. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work and thank you for sharing
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
~Zeuxis
You gave some great advice overall. Not only for multi generation families but also for couple and smaller families. I have lived in a couple of different scenarios of households and each one seemed to have a different set of rules or practices. The most functioning one was and is the one where we have all pitched in to help. From buying toilet paper to yard work, I am sure there is something that everyone can help with.
I think my favorite part of this piece has to be - My thought is, just do what needs to get done, but ask for help when you need it.
Nothing could be farther from the truth
You did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work and thank you for sharing.
This is a very short and cute piece. You did a great job getting to the point.
A suggestion from only one reader -
With a piece this short you may want to try and give it some flare by adding to the formating of the piece. It could just entice the reader that much more.
In the last line though it is not needed you may want to consider using the word and at the beginning. It might help flow the last line into the piece.
Congratulations on a job well done. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Thank you for sharing
This is a very sweet piece. Your wife must be honoured to have such a man thinking of her in this manor. Great job here. I love the simple flow of the piece and the formating is terrific. It is easy on the readers eyes making the reader want to continue.
My favorite part has to be the one repeating line. It creates a simplistic flow to the piece.
I really do not have any suggestions at this point as I think it is great the way it is. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Breaking up is hard no matter what your age. The pain of losing someone you care about run through your veins giving the numb and almost dead feeling. You did a great job creating this piece.
My favorite part has to be - the first line. It sets the mood how it all seems like a bad dream and yet reality has hit home.
Couple of suggestions from only one reader.
You started using a capital at the begining of the piece and yet it is the only one throughout the whole piece. The use of punctuation would help emphasize some of the finer details in the item giving the reader a closer bond to your art.
Overall you did a great job and I thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
You did a great job with this piece. Saddness is reflected throughout the piece right until the final goodbye. There is a nice consistent flow to your art.
My favorite part has to be - The midnight sun shines through the clouds. To me it gives a sense of hope and yet maintains the atmosphere created in the piece.
A couple of suggestions from only one reader.
The use of capitals throughout the piece makes it hard for the reader to flow through the whole item without wanting to rest their eyes. The use of punctuation would help emphasize some of the lines with a greater saddness ringing out to the reader.
Overall I think you did a great job and it was well worth the read. Thank you for sharing.
This was absolutely priceless. I am not sure what I loved the more the quick response of your son or the fact that Nana is speechless. I know that I have different views when it comes to parenting than what my parents had and it is little moments like that - that make all those little moments with my mother livable.
Your son like mine (must be a boy thing) was quick to think. I taught my son proper names as well and it was amazing how many actually thought it was absurd to do such a thing to a child.
You did a great job on this piece and I truly enjoyed reading it. I gave a chuckle out loud. I am going to have to pass this one along to my friends to read. Just a little too good not to share.
The pain of having your heart broken never really goes away, the memory will always be there but soon it will be a distant memory. When you move on with your life you will look back and wonder why did I waste those tears.
You did a great job bearing your soul for us all to read. I do have a couple of suggestions though and mind you this is only from one reader.
Try formating this piece. It will make it easier on the readers eyes making it easier to follow and they wont get lost in your words.
spelling correction - I was TOO numb to move. Add another O to the word
Try inserting a coma after - I pulled my legs even closer,
Try inserting a coma after - long sleeve shirt,
Its too late requires an apostophe in the word IT``s
You did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep those thoughts coming
You did an amazing job on this piece. I would love to say that I was thinking of my father when I read this but alas I did not. I had thoughts and visions of the man I am with and his patients and understanding when it comes to his children and my own.
This piece has a nice flow and is consistent throughout the entire piece. The formating was easy on the eyes making it an easy read for the reader.
My favorite part has to be....
The fourth stanza. It is so true how I can look at him and know what is in his heart but the children dont always see it but in the end it is his firmness with gentle side that gives us all the strength to be who we are.
Job well done and I look forward to reading more of your art in the future. Keep those thoughts flowing.
Great piece. Made me chuckle as my son is one of those children who has very honestly opened his mouth with an inappropriate comment on occassion. It was pointed out that he came by it honestly and he learned it from me.
Your piece had a nice flow to it and the formating was terrific.
I have to say that my favorite part of your piece is the entire last stanza. I am at that point in my life with my children. MY TURN.
Thank you for sharing this piece. It was definately worth the read. Keep up the good work. And though I have not tried it myself, I do beleive that duct tape would work.
What a great introduction to Writing.com. It give a basic introduction to everything that is needed to get you started. I only wish I had come across this when I first started. I stumbled through a few trials and errors. Okay many errors only to find what I now call home.
You did a great job on this piece. The flow is nice and the formating is easy on the eyes for the reader.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
You did a great job on this piece. I am assuming that you are tributing this to some mother in your life.
A spelling suggestion - always has one L
Another suggestion - nothing major just something you may want to consider should you ever considering revising this piece - you are using definate terms such as ALWAYS = keeping this word there - you could try inserting the word try in front giving the meaning a more realistic approach
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
This is a great piece. Written with a very open heart and mind.
I think my favorite part has to be
Give me the chance to spread my wings
Let God be the judge who reigns
This is so true - if only every one would put aside their human instinct to judge and let everyone face their own judgement in the end I think there would be so many more individuals trying to reach their goals.
What a great message you are sending out here. If only we all had the ability to speak up for ourselves and express this. You did a great job. Thank you for sharing this piece.
Oh the questions that go through one's mind. You did a good job on this piece. I like the idea that you encompassed all the thoughts one goes through when determining if someone is right for them.
A couple of suggestions from only one reader which you are free to do as you see fit with them.
In the last stanza of your piece I beleive that you should include a question mark after the word over and start the next part as a new question.
Well done. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep those thoughts coming.
Very nice poem. I like the idea of letting go of your fears so that you can face freedom. Something that I truly beleive in.
A couple of suggestions from only one reader.
To keep consistent with the flow of your poem you may want to count syllables in your lines. Keeping the rhyming one with the same amount. It will add to the flow of the piece, giving the reader a rhythm to your art.
The beginning rhyme scheme does not really follow the pattern you set forth a little later on.
My favorite part
Freedom is sweet - so true I beleive this to be when you are able to let go of your fears.
Overall I think you did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
This is a great piece. After having a couple of not so great relationships in my life I can truly relate to this peice. You are so right when you say there is a part of you that is saying you can be free and move on. There is more to life. But there is always that part of you that wonders - WHAT IF
My favorite part has to be the second stanza. The whole thing hit me hard being able to relate to the whole concept, of how I felt like a fool being so naive.
Your formating is great. It is easy on the eyes for the reader making it an easy read. The rhyme scheme is great and consistent through out the piece. Concering the flow you may want to look into counting syllables for your lines. Keeping the syllable count consistant in regards to the rhyme scheme will help with the flow
You did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep those thoughts rolling
It is so true... You never know what goes on in the feline head. I have watched my cats in amazement at times. Their look of curiosity usually has me wondering.
You did a great job on this piece. There is a nice even flow with each verse offering the reader a pleasant read. The formating is simplistic and easy on the eyes.
I think my favorite part of this piece has to be the last stanza. It holds so much truth for me and I can relate very well.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your art in the future.
The format has a nice flow and it is easy to read. You captured the true meaning of mentor in a very simplistic form. It seems almost as if it is part of a bigger picture meant to be on display.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of you art in the future.
I remember even after years of working in daycares and with children in general. The idea of holding my own child scared me to death. I used to have dreams of hurting them as well.
I can totally appreciate this piece in its entirity.
You may want to consider formating this piece to make it easier on the readers eyes.
Keep up the good work I look forward to reading more of your work
Absolutely beautiful. It really was a great read. It is hard saying goodbye but sometimes it needs to be done.
I like the way that you pointed the positive in such a sad situation. Showing her what love was for two great year. That keeps the reader able to keep some sort of perspective of there being hope to continue.
You did a great job, the only suggestion that I would make is to watch the use of capitals. It is a little harsh to read through. Keeping the capitals only for emphasis will provide more power to any message you are sending out.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep those thoughts rolling
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