|There are some problems here.
Ref: your corps went but your soul close to mine
The dictionary meaning of cops is—“a main subdivision of an army in the field, consisting of two or more divisions.”
You probably meant corpse, but such use would not be proper. If you meant corpus, that might be OK, though not a common usage.
Ref: feeling of coldness because of your exile
>>> Your departure might be better than "exile", which is described in the dictionary as--"the state of being barred from one's native country, typically for political or punitive reasons."
Ref: in my sub consciousness, I feel your near arrival, like an obsession, like a daily sun rise
>>> subconsciousness; sunrise
I understand that English is not your first language. Nor is it mine. The dictionary is always there when in doubt. And, it pays to be in doubt often.
Finally, its style is labelled as an essay. An essay of 12 lines may have one or two paras. This item has 8 paras / statements.
Hope the above helps.
This is a reciprocal review.
--M C Gupta