Like a bird proud of flying, swinging his wings
In absolute amnesia relishing the ecstasy
Vanishing the noise, .....
>>> Here is something you need to correct. Vanishing the noise? What exactly do you want to convey? Maybe you want to say--"Leaving behind the noise".
***
Breathing pure and limpid air
>>> Why should the air be limpid? In any case, the two adjectives do not go together. One denotes quality while the other takes away from quality. It is like saying--the food was tasty but insipid.
SUGGESTION--Breathing pure and light air.
It is a good poem, trying to capture the delight of a bird flying high and free.
This article subtly attempts to propagate Christianity. There is no problem with that because spreading / propagating a religion is a human right. But this right cannot extend to the extent that some other religion is deprecated.
Ref: Many doubt that the Christian life can be better than the one they are living now.
>>> Inherent here is a suggestion / belief that the life of a Christian is better than the life of non-Christians. This is objectionable.
This is a wonderful story, on facts as well as narration. It brings out very well the emotions of a child, and of the mother, as also the interplay of social strata in an Indian family. I wish I could write a story like this. However, I write only poetry (apart from my legal drafts as a lawyer).
1--I think the writer needs to explain as a footnote the type of poem he / she has written.
2--According to Wikipedia: "A roundel consists of nine lines each having the same number of syllables, plus a refrain after the third line and after the last line." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roundel_(poetry)#:~:text=A%20roundel%20(not%20to%20be,Swinburne%20(1837%E2%80%931909).&text=A%20roundel%20consists%20of%20nine,and%20after%20the%20last%20line.
3--Your poem is not a roundel as per this definition. Syllable counts vary from line to line.
The main theme of this article is that people need to be properly trained before they can use a new technology; in this case, a credit card. The theme is not debatable. It is axiomatic. The real life examples are interesting.
This is a wonderful anecdote, stated to be from the epic Mahabharat. I never read it earlier. It has infinite wisdom and a practical message about how to live life. Thanks for sharing.
It is unusual that you joined wdc seven and a half years ago but have not set up your bio-block. You can't imagine how many people might have, in vain, tried to know a bit about you.
I accessed this item in order to review it for the purpose of a reciprocal review for an item of mine that you have reviewed. However, I can't offer a review except by way of wishing you success in your endeavour.
Since you have joined this group very recently, I wish to offer you a gentle advice / suggestion. You will gain if you review others' items and if you seriously take suggestions offered in reviews of your items.
This is labelled as an essay but is actually a poem. You might like to change the description.
Balsam was your skin and fairy were your hands
Your voice like a soft breath is still in my ears
Your tremendous smooth tenderness flooded the surrounding
>>>The opening two lines are great. The word "tremendous" does not go well with tenderness. You might like to substitute "tremendous" by 'mild'.
***
Your deep sight still alive
>>> I suggest "look" in place of "sight".
***
My memory is empty but full of your person
Who illuminates my universe
>>> "which" in place of "who" would be more appropriate.
The author cautions in the beginning itself--"This piece might just be an emotional outburst". Yes, it turns out to be so. This piece does seem to be a conglomeration of disjointed sentences. However, the one thing which joins them is the background of rain, which itself is a good thing.
There are grammatical mistakes to be taken care of.
The dictionary meaning of cops is—“a main subdivision of an army in the field, consisting of two or more divisions.”
You probably meant corpse, but such use would not be proper. If you meant corpus, that might be OK, though not a common usage.
***
Ref: feeling of coldness because of your exile
>>> Your departure might be better than "exile", which is described in the dictionary as--"the state of being barred from one's native country, typically for political or punitive reasons."
***
Ref: in my sub consciousness, I feel your near arrival, like an obsession, like a daily sun rise
>>> subconsciousness; sunrise
I understand that English is not your first language. Nor is it mine. The dictionary is always there when in doubt. And, it pays to be in doubt often.
Finally, its style is labelled as an essay. An essay of 12 lines may have one or two paras. This item has 8 paras / statements.
This poem, though labelled as a haiku, does not conform the definition of a haiku--
"a major form of Japanese verse, written in 17 syllables divided into 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, and employing highly evocative allusions and comparisons, often on the subject of nature or one of the seasons.
a poem written in this form."
This item is supposedly a sonnet. However, it is not.
Ref:
In the English-speaking world, we usually refer to three discrete types of sonnet: the Petrarchan, the Shakespearean, and the Spenserian.
All of these maintain the features outlined above - fourteen lines, a volta, iambic pentameter - and they all three are written in sequences. The primary difference is the rhyme scheme.
NOTE—None of the above three types has a rhyme scheme used here—AABB. Also, there are more than 14 lines.
Regarding the writing itself, it is clean, without grammatical or other mistakes. You have treated the subject in a subtle and abstract manner.
It is a reciprocal review.
--M C Gupta
================
This is a nice little poem about the feelings of the heart.
Ref: Lonly is my nights
>>> Lonely are my nights
Suggestion--Both you and the readers might gain if you use a bit of punctuation.
[Some persons tend to think that punctuation is irrelevant in poetry. It is not so.]
It is a reciprocal review.
--M C Gupta
================
This is a very well written anecdote about a little child's playful exploits. The description of everything and action, the minutest, is wonderful.
Sample this--
Annie wipes her wet sleeve off on her pants as she stares out through the window in wonderment, "her eyes so wide they reflect the image outside clearly".
This is a gripping story, fascinatingly told. However, unless I am missing something, the end is too abrupt and the story is unfinished. [I am afraid I am missing some vital clue.]
Is there a Part Two?
It is a reciprocal review.
--M C Gupta
================
This is a nice small poem describing picturesquely the sad horror of war based on principles that taint a religion, the religion itself being revealed in the last but one line--
her blood soaked hijab
flutters in the breeze
Your imagery is great.
--M C Gupta
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