This is a poem describing a rainbow, as perceived by the author, up side down, described as follows:
My conceptual rainbow is a kaleidoscope of color too!
But opposite from the pattern of the one seen here on Earth
In my mind my rainbow is turned up-side-down
Just like my world-view changed since my born-again Christian birth
The author has tried to relate this view to his Christian faith in rather unusual words--
I'm His Masterpiece...and like the 'bow' in the sky...
Both of us belong to THE ALMIGHTY TRINITY!!!
The poem has a reasonable degree of flow and is written in abcb rhyme.
This poem is a saga of man meeting woman, she feeling that her life has become enriched, then the dates start being missed, with the ultimate stoppage.
In itself, the above is nothing remarkable. It is the author's style that makes the writing different from the routine.
I particularly liked the following--
Then you came. Showing yourself to me as a flame to a moth.
Your pride only enhance my excitement of you.
You made me stand tall. You gave me meaning. I felt alive.
*****
You need to be careful about grammar etc.:
--I could of never done it without you.
>>> I could have never done it without you.
My thoughts on reading this poem, written in admiration of a male acquaintance, were that you are strong on vocabulary (I learnt a new word--avuncular) and weak on grammar. In any language, it should be reverse. When grammar has been learnt / perfected, adding to one's vocabulary is no big job.
Some examples, out of many, are given below:
******
Our conversation forced me to drop by his port,
Shocked! Was my reaction to find him old and exhort?
>>> Exhort is a verb, not adjective.
**
Sooners more than laters, he has great deal of faith in me,
Blessed I am to be gifted and talent that he foresees.
>>> Sooner more than later [preferably, Sooner rather than later]
Blessed I am to be gifted and talented.
[that he foresees--does not fit here. Maybe you can write-- that he perceives.]
I hope you take these suggestions in the right spirit, not as criticism or condemnation.
This is a long poem which took me a long time trying to understand. But I could not. The whole idea behind the scene--a lamp post and a bench with a writer on it, both being watched by the writer of this story, seems difficult to grasp, along with the oft-repeated query--how many stories are being written--one or two.
This is a story well made up around the idea of being a victim of the twin tower tragedy, losing life, yet living in the memory of the dear ones. You have a good ability to conjure up ideas and express them beautifully in words for others to savour.
This is an unusual story that may as well be true as regards the concept of rebirth and remembering previous life events triggered by a picture / painting, as in this case.
The story itself is well written.
There is some scientific proof of rebirth. You may like to view:
This is a well told tale, in poetry, of an unfortunate boy in his teens who, due to whatever reason, has been unable to learn and grow as per accepted societal norms. It is easy for the society to hate and revile such a teen, but, frankly, it is the society which is, at least to some extent, responsible for his skewed development.
As I proceeded to read this poem, I had a glance at the title and the description and wondered what I would write on this topic if I were supposed to. And, my mind failed me. I just could not think of anything.
Then I read this poem, a ballad, and was totally stunned to see what a wonder you could spin around a hard nut to crack!
It is a nice short story, well told and well spun around the myth of mermaid watching the waters, trying to save sailors, but unknown to them, and never supposed to be seen by them. In this story, the man awakens a bit before he was supposed to, thus having a chance of seeing the mermaid and, expectedly, fall in love with her.
The imagery and the description of the nature are good.
You have joined the group very recently and the present item is the only one in your port. It was written 10 days ago and already has one 5 star rating.
I will be failing in my duty if I repeat a similar rating. I am rating it 2.5. The reason is that there is an unacceptable number of mistakes, grammar and punctuation. Let me admit that I was so much confused by the title about the "pomegrante" and the 5 star rating (and the fact that American spellings can sometimes be surprising) that I actually googled for the word pomegrante. It listed only a pomegranate, the fruit I have known since childhood.
This review is not meant to discourage you. If you want to be a writer, that's very good and you are most welcome on this site. But, for any language, grammar and spelling are the bsics that can never be ignored.
You have chosen a good and unusual topic--Alzheimer's disease--and have chosen a catchy title that fits with the last two lines--
For her, there will always be turquoise, indigo and an Iowa green that revives the soul
I carry her colors onward through the years because she cannot.
***
This would look more like a poem if there was some apparent poetical structure in it. For starters, you could try minimising the vast variation in line length.
This poem is already rated 4.5 by two reviewers. I need to review it objectively.
It consists of four lines--
I saw a beggar sitting beside a river
Seems very happy I noticed in fewer
I expected not to see such ever
A poet of clever one knows never
***
Its shortness is not the reason for low rating. But, what is written must be intelligible. It must be grammatically correct, without which understanding suffers.
The second and fourth lines above are obviously faulty.
This is a beautiful, just beautiful anecdote that only an accomplished writer can write. Who else can start a piece as follows--
"Don't leave me," I sob. He looks up at me, his blue eyes full of love. I hold him close, afraid to let go. I can see the light leaving his eyes. I cry and let the tears slip from eyes. He can't die. He can't die. "I love you," he says,"but I have to go. The angels are calling me." I cry, "I love you too." His eyes close and I let the hurt and loss drain out of me through tears. Then all of a sudden he grabs my hand, his eyes open and alert. He looks up at me and smiles. "A butterfly! I'll come back to you as a butterfly.
This is a nice poem, telling about the experience of dating a few boys. Such descriptions are not common and hence this poem elicits immediate interest. Ultimately, the lady is able to find a proper suitor--
No one reassured me
that there would be a boy who would
hold me as if I were
made of glass.
Who smiled like he just discovered
the secret to life
every time
he leaned in
for a kiss.
*****
Suggestion--It might be nice if the length of the poem could be a bit less.
This is a poem on a sensitive topic—watching the mother die. It would have been appropriate to deal with such a topic with due seriousness. In this context, here are a few suggestions:
i)—Don’t use slang spellings. Instead of bein, hopin, write being, hoping etc.
ii)—Pay attention to grammar. The opening line is
As I watch you die pain & regret infected my spirit
>>> You probably meant—“ As I watched you die, pain & regret infected my spirit”
Please also note that punctuation often helps.
The closing line is-- Moms, I always loved you
>>> You need to use the singular form—Mom.
iii)—It would be nice to have some sort of constant rhyming scheme. Stanzas 2, 3 and 4 suggest that you have tried abcb rhyme. Try to use that in the remaining stanzas also.
Also, a modest suggestion / advice----- You have been a member of this site for many years but have sent only one review so far. Sending serious reviews helps the reviewer himself to become a better writer.
This is an uncommon poem describing the scene in a hospital or clinic where there is too much of rush and too little time to attend to patients to their satisfaction.
You need to be careful with grammar / typos etc.
***
The waiting room is truly packed,
Patients charts fill the racks.
>>> Patients'
**
Who'll complain first: Doctors? patients?
To ride this out just makes no sense.
This is a wonderful and beautiful poem about a girl who, after her heart was broken once, decided to seal herself in ice walls. The opening lines describe the idea aptly as--
The Ice Queen has now come to rise
To rule her kingdom far and wide
She sits atop a frozen throne
Cursed to sit now and ever alone
She rules the land with a stone cold heart
With harsh gray eyes, she looks the part
Her tall icy walls keep others away
But also they keep her there to stay
--M C Gupta
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