This is described as a fable and a fable it is, told by the tribal chief to his clan. It revolves around the competition between the Good Lord and the Bad Lord (God and Satan), the scapegoats being a young man and a fairy angel.
I was not able to discern a clear message from this. I wish I could locate and ask the tribal chief.
The author has a rich style, exemplified by--
"His heart was filled with joy, contentment and kindness. He would skip through the forest and marvel at the wondrous gifts that nature offered. The smell of freshly cut grass, the song of the bird on wing, the rustle of autumn leaves beneath his feet and the warmth of the evening sun caressing his back were just a few of the treasures that filled every day of his life. The Good Lord looked down upon him and was happy, for this was how he intended things to be."
This is a beautiful poem coming from the heart and, unusually but sincerely asks the departed souls to pray for the bereaved son. [Usually, it is the one left behind who prays for the departed souls.]
The opening is just great--
On the cemetery hill my loved ones lay.
When I go there I often kneel and pray.
I ask dad and mom to pray for their son.
I stand above them my talking is done.
***
One day I'll join them at heavens home.
>>> heaven's
It was a demanding task to write a love letter to self. For me, even attempting so would be an ordeal. You have faced the challenge well. Even the opening lines leave a clear impression--
I'm sorry for starving you
And introducing you to weed
I'm sorry for making you drink
And lowering your chances to succeed.
The description reads--My friend, my horse- a Sonnet.
Its rhyme scheme is like a Shakespearean sonnet. The syllable counts are not. One line has 4 syllables. Another has 11. A Shakespearean sonnet should have 10 syllables in each line.
Your topic and style are good. You need to work upon it.
This is a sort of fantasy tale where a bull, along with its owner, enters the time machine and travels back in time to have a few words with Ernest Hemingway in Paris. He had written a few bull stories.
All in all, the story is not as engaging as some others written by you.
This is a poem describing a rainbow, as perceived by the author, up side down, described as follows:
My conceptual rainbow is a kaleidoscope of color too!
But opposite from the pattern of the one seen here on Earth
In my mind my rainbow is turned up-side-down
Just like my world-view changed since my born-again Christian birth
The author has tried to relate this view to his Christian faith in rather unusual words--
I'm His Masterpiece...and like the 'bow' in the sky...
Both of us belong to THE ALMIGHTY TRINITY!!!
The poem has a reasonable degree of flow and is written in abcb rhyme.
This poem is a saga of man meeting woman, she feeling that her life has become enriched, then the dates start being missed, with the ultimate stoppage.
In itself, the above is nothing remarkable. It is the author's style that makes the writing different from the routine.
I particularly liked the following--
Then you came. Showing yourself to me as a flame to a moth.
Your pride only enhance my excitement of you.
You made me stand tall. You gave me meaning. I felt alive.
*****
You need to be careful about grammar etc.:
--I could of never done it without you.
>>> I could have never done it without you.
My thoughts on reading this poem, written in admiration of a male acquaintance, were that you are strong on vocabulary (I learnt a new word--avuncular) and weak on grammar. In any language, it should be reverse. When grammar has been learnt / perfected, adding to one's vocabulary is no big job.
Some examples, out of many, are given below:
******
Our conversation forced me to drop by his port,
Shocked! Was my reaction to find him old and exhort?
>>> Exhort is a verb, not adjective.
**
Sooners more than laters, he has great deal of faith in me,
Blessed I am to be gifted and talent that he foresees.
>>> Sooner more than later [preferably, Sooner rather than later]
Blessed I am to be gifted and talented.
[that he foresees--does not fit here. Maybe you can write-- that he perceives.]
I hope you take these suggestions in the right spirit, not as criticism or condemnation.
This is a long poem which took me a long time trying to understand. But I could not. The whole idea behind the scene--a lamp post and a bench with a writer on it, both being watched by the writer of this story, seems difficult to grasp, along with the oft-repeated query--how many stories are being written--one or two.
This is a story well made up around the idea of being a victim of the twin tower tragedy, losing life, yet living in the memory of the dear ones. You have a good ability to conjure up ideas and express them beautifully in words for others to savour.
This is an unusual story that may as well be true as regards the concept of rebirth and remembering previous life events triggered by a picture / painting, as in this case.
The story itself is well written.
There is some scientific proof of rebirth. You may like to view:
This is a well told tale, in poetry, of an unfortunate boy in his teens who, due to whatever reason, has been unable to learn and grow as per accepted societal norms. It is easy for the society to hate and revile such a teen, but, frankly, it is the society which is, at least to some extent, responsible for his skewed development.
As I proceeded to read this poem, I had a glance at the title and the description and wondered what I would write on this topic if I were supposed to. And, my mind failed me. I just could not think of anything.
Then I read this poem, a ballad, and was totally stunned to see what a wonder you could spin around a hard nut to crack!
It is a nice short story, well told and well spun around the myth of mermaid watching the waters, trying to save sailors, but unknown to them, and never supposed to be seen by them. In this story, the man awakens a bit before he was supposed to, thus having a chance of seeing the mermaid and, expectedly, fall in love with her.
The imagery and the description of the nature are good.
You have joined the group very recently and the present item is the only one in your port. It was written 10 days ago and already has one 5 star rating.
I will be failing in my duty if I repeat a similar rating. I am rating it 2.5. The reason is that there is an unacceptable number of mistakes, grammar and punctuation. Let me admit that I was so much confused by the title about the "pomegrante" and the 5 star rating (and the fact that American spellings can sometimes be surprising) that I actually googled for the word pomegrante. It listed only a pomegranate, the fruit I have known since childhood.
This review is not meant to discourage you. If you want to be a writer, that's very good and you are most welcome on this site. But, for any language, grammar and spelling are the bsics that can never be ignored.
You have chosen a good and unusual topic--Alzheimer's disease--and have chosen a catchy title that fits with the last two lines--
For her, there will always be turquoise, indigo and an Iowa green that revives the soul
I carry her colors onward through the years because she cannot.
***
This would look more like a poem if there was some apparent poetical structure in it. For starters, you could try minimising the vast variation in line length.
This poem is already rated 4.5 by two reviewers. I need to review it objectively.
It consists of four lines--
I saw a beggar sitting beside a river
Seems very happy I noticed in fewer
I expected not to see such ever
A poet of clever one knows never
***
Its shortness is not the reason for low rating. But, what is written must be intelligible. It must be grammatically correct, without which understanding suffers.
The second and fourth lines above are obviously faulty.
--M C Gupta
================================
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mcgupta44/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.72 seconds at 7:11am on Jul 12, 2025 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
