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126
126
Review of Clutter  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
In this poem you have stated plainly and simply your faith in God; you plead Father, Son and Holy Ghost and think you are responsible to keep your room free of clutter and you often hasten to clean the room, you have stated your habit clearly in words.

Edited portion of the poem:
Time is short; the sun is receding
as winter waits with makeshift whims.
I am spent shells
beneath each hazardous step.
I am summoned by urgency
as room is poor fellow closing in.

You are free to reject any edit and or comment; no one is perfect and none can write the last word on anything. Keep writing. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1697 / Mon 30122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your last poem of 2013 speaks feelings about the year and how you remember your friends and think about their changed status of living, and hope the New Year will come and pass and what new adventure it will bring and you do not know what song you will sing as the year will soon end and you look forward to make new friends and proclaim the glory of God to humanity; this is a simple taletelling about the year 2013.

Edited part of the poem:
I wonder what adventures the New Year will bring.
I wonder what new songs I will sing.
I wonder if I will survive the year twenty fourteen
to see another New Year's Eve.

You are free to reject any edit and or comment; no one is perfect and none can write the last word on anything. Keep writing. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
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#1937699 by Dave

1696 / Mon 30122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of I'll Never Forget  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a poem that tells an important event, some moments from memories, about your birth, and your mother's experience; but the poem does not show clearly and explicitly, the story telling is not clear in terms, rather it is implied.

Edited the poem:
Who could forget
those dark little eyes
that stared at me
with such surprise?
And reproach, perhaps
that she was born
snatched from the womb
so cosy and warm
not me, I’ll never forget.

Who could forget
those first baby words?
the sweetest sound
I ever heard
the first faltering steps
she took on that day
the journey through life
was well on its way
it was not me, I’ll never forget.

Who could forget
her first day at school?
Out into the world
which can be so cruel
hand clutching mine
as we walked through the door
how grown up she looked
a baby no more
it was not me, I’ll never forget.

Who can forget
the in-between years?
The search for the future
the laughter, the tears
as time passes so quickly
but, left in its wake
are memories so precious
which no-one can take
Oh no, I’ll never forget.

You are free to reject any edit and or comment; no one is perfect and none can write the last word on anything. Keep writing. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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The Poet's Place   (E)
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#1937699 by Dave

1695 / Mon 30122019



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem speaks the admitted settlers for settling a trip to the Mall on Black Friday, most of the friends left for their other business, only a few left, as man does nothing without need, per fulfillment of need, some of you wander without care, and left for the objective fulfillment, and you have managed to use the required or prompted words and expressed the poem describing your eventual activity. This is well said and well done.


You are free to reject any edit and or comment; no one is perfect and none can write the last word on anything. Keep writing. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
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#1937699 by Dave

1694 / Mon 30122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of The Fall of Gods  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

You have composed a good poem, I like.

I could not enjoy the read in full, because I find the poem is founded on too abstract thoughts, as I could not relate the gods to humanity or recognition of humanity in every authority, I think something is missing, though I appreciate the thought that you have endeavoured to express.

Edit:
The fall of gods
(The Fall of Gods

Edit:
As gods rise, the gods will fall
Their rivers fall into oceans below
What does not change act also cannot
And what does change will face its final cold

(As gods rise, the gods will fall.
Their rivers fall into oceans below.
What does not change act also cannot
and what does change will face its final cold.)

Comments:
The use of the word ‘their’ is not expressive here. The last two lines of the stanza are neither expressive nor grammatically correct, I think. So, I could not change the two lines to make them expressive. Truly speaking, I do not understand, may be it is me, what you wish to mean by the phrases, ‘what does not change act also cannot.’

Edit:
Take a breath
Make new from old
The world ain't a friend
But neither a foe

(Take a breath.
Make new from old.
The world is not a friend
But, neither a foe.)

Comments:
The first two lines of the stanza is not clear to me; I do not like to make a guesswork here, you would appreciate time is precious. As a poet, your understanding is not enough; you would appreciate your poem is placed on public read and reviews, so it is no more a private affair. Besides, writing for your self-entertainment or understanding is not fair. Your public readers’ entertainment is significant.

Edit:
New nights will come
New sun will shine
We will not be commanded
We will not be denied

(New nights will come.
New sun will shine.
We will not be commanded
and we will not be denied.)

Comments:
There are so many doubts about the last two lines of the stanza; I think there is no proper address or subject of the lines. However, the lines are not clear to me.

Comments:
I expected use of Author’s Notes about your art and style of expression and a word about the use of the word god and a word about the theme to help your public readers having general intelligence to appreciate and understand the poem well.

Thank you for placing and sharing your poem on public read and reviews; I am happy and glad to gift you my time writing this first (1st) review of your poem you created, recently.

You are ever free to reject an edit and or comment; you too know no one can publish the last word on anything, none is perfect as none can foretell; be sure, keep writing poems. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1692 / Friday 27122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of Journeys of Clay  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful! Game war of clays!

I like this 35 line poem and have enjoyed the journeys of clays, the army waiting for battles for the king, painted in words, the free flow of thoughts, the taletelling of a moral message in metaphoric use of words creating an environment of a real war situation with imaginary lesson, the word visuals, the word imagery, the art and style of epiclike taletelling in expression with flair of visual portrayal of a game of warlike environment, and the rhythms of taletelling the role of soldiers and others before a warlike state of affairs.

Edit:
An army waiting for...
(This poem tells about an army waiting for.)

Edit:
Horses stood, no neigh or stomp, near war chariots.
(Horses stood no neigh or stomp, near war chariots.)

Edit:
Surely not the very Gods who should welcome
this earthly god home?

(Should the very God not welcome
surely, this earthly god home?)

Edit:
Millenia marched onwards peeling paint from clay skins,
disintegrating sword and wheel. Still, as if waiting, they stood,
Listening, perchance, for sounding of imperial horn
to bring them to life in a different world?

(Millennia marched onwards peeling paint from clay skins,
disintegrating sword and wheel. Still, as if waiting, they stood
listening, perchance, for sounding of imperial horn
to bring them life in a different world!)

Edit:
No general able to call his troops to arms:
to guard, attack or defend.
(No general was able to call his troops to arms
to guard, attack or defend.)

Edit:
Spitefull minion god
swiping the board clean with mighty fist.
(Spiteful minion god, swiping the board,
was cleaning with mighty fist.)

Comments:
I have tried to change some words to make the poem more pleasant readable and more expressible.

Thank you for placing and sharing your poem on public read and reviews; I am happy and glad to gift you my time writing this third (3rd) review of your poem you created on 21st February, 2018 about twenty-two (22) months ago.

You are ever free to reject an edit and or comment; you too know no one can publish the last word on anything, none is perfect as none can foretell; be sure, keep writing poems. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1688 / Friday 27122019



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review of There  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Try for showing light, removing darkness from their souls, if feasible!

This fantastic poem tells how to help others and stand for them to remove darkness from their souls, while you yourself know all darkness is ever there in your soul.

I like this and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the humane message, the free flow of thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, the rhythms of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling actions for others happiness, encouraging them to help remove their darkness from their soul, at the cost of your own darkness in soul.

Edit:
There
In such a place unclear
Is where the darkness flows
Forcing you as it has in the past
To do things that you have often felt
That you are incapable of repeating
You are far more capable
Then the climbing that you do
To escape your absolute truth
And what hides down there
In the bottom of your soul…


(There
in such a place unclear
where the darkness flows
forcing you as it has in the past
to do things that you have often felt
that you are incapable of repeating.
You are far more capable
than the climbing that you do
to escape your absolute truth
and what hides down there
in the bottom of your soul.)

Comments:
I have changed some words to make the stanza more pleasant to read and more meaningful.

Thank you for placing and sharing your poem on public read and reviews; I am happy and glad to gift you my time writing this second (2nd) review of your poem you created on 23rd July, 2013 about six (6) years ago.

You are ever free to reject an edit and or comment; you too know no one can publish the last word on anything, none is perfect as none can foretell; be sure, keep writing poems. Wish you a happy, honourable, healthy, progressive and poetic New Year 2020!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1684 / Friday 27122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of REUNION  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a nice poem about your visit to your children after a long time. I have enjoyed the word visuals and the word imagery.

Edit:
REUNION
(REUNION)

Comments:
Title of a poem is generally not written all in capital letters; why and where we may express a title all in capital letters may be read: "Invalid Item" 

Edit:
I VISIT MY CHILDREN AFTER A LONG SEPARATION
(This poem tells about my visit to my children after a long separation.)

Edit:
A long drive to this place
To do what i must do
Not just for me
But for them.

(I go for a long drive to this place
to do what I must do
not just for me
but, for them.)

Comments:
The lines are inexpressive, so I have tried to express them expressively, correctly and completely.

Edit:
I park in front of the house
A place I have never been
My apprehension grows
I walk to the door.

(I park in front of the house
a place I have never been.
My apprehension grows
but, I walk to the door.)

Edit:
My family is inside, I stand confused
I should knock, this is not my home
Deep breath, take courage, here goes
His wife opens the door.

(My family is inside, I stand confused outside.
I should knock, but, this is not my home.
Deep breath, have courage, here goes
his wife opens the door.)

Edit:
She smiles, I'm expected
My babies, half grown, watching "Roger Rabbit"
Their eyes turn to me, excitement
I see blurred.

(She smiles, I am expected.
My babies, half grown, watching "Roger Rabbit."
Their eyes turn to me, excitement grows.
I see blurred.)

Edit:
A cacophony of shrill voices
Each saying different things
Yet the same
They are happy I'm here.

(A cacophony of shrill voices
each saying different things
yet, the same
they are happy I am here.)

Edit:
I smile, I am numb
I say the right things
They smile
They give me hugs.

I cannot feel my heart break.

(I smile, I am numb.
I say the right things.
They smile.
They give me hugs.

I cannot feel my heart break!)

Comments:
I have changed words to express each stanza more expressively and easier read. Rightly, you have expressed the taletelling orderly, I appreciate and have enjoyed.

Thank you for placing and sharing your poem on public read and reviews; I am happy and glad to gift you my time writing this first (1st) review of your poem you created on 13th November, 2001 about 18 years ago.

You are ever free to reject an edit and or comment; no one is perfect and can write the last word on anything; be sure, keep writing poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1682 / Thu 26122019



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review of I have Decided  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Incredibly true feeling expressed!
Wonderful, unchallengeable decision, monologue!

This is a life monologue saying in poetic order, I like this and have enjoyed the read, all the way, the free flow of thoughts, orderly and symphonic taletelling a decision and an unchallengeable decisiveness about no more waiting indefinitely for the last chance is over, and the word imagery, and the word visuals, and the rhythms of expression of taletelling an absolute decision, the free flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of decisiveness in expression, and the rhythm of thoughts.

Edit:
But I have given you one to many chances, I hope you will remember.
And please understand, I have a life to build that I couldn't wait for you forever.

(But, I have given you one too many chances.
I hope you will remember.
And please understand I have a life to make
that I could not wait for you forever.)

Comments:
No more waiting, no more sacrifice, no more teaching what is love, no more showing what is a love relation, no more chance to offer, no more gullible activities, you have taken a decision, well said and well done; I like the mode of taletelling.

Thank you for placing and sharing your poem on public read and reviews; I am happy and glad to gift you my time writing this first (1st) review of your poem you created, recently.

You are ever free to reject an edit and or comment; no one is perfect and can write the last word on anything; be sure, keep writing poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1681 / Thu 26122019


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review of Hippie Woman  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Wandering to one’s own tune!


This is a good poem about thought and attitude of a woman and enjoying at her own tune; I like the read, and the flow of thoughts.


Edit:
Flowing, flowered dresses,
knitted shawl and boots-
of a dark green suede.
Wondering streets
by foot or bicycle.

(Flowing flowered dresses
knitted shawl and boots
of dark green suede
wondering streets
by foot or bicycle.)


Edit:
Faraway eyes.

In the park, singing softly
swinging to and fro in time.
Lost to the present
forever in the past.

(Faraway eyes
in the park, singing softly
swinging to and fro in time
lost to the present
forever in the past.)


Edit:
At police department's door,
asking for an officer,
while actually seeking a man.
Craving company.

(At police department's door
asking for an officer
while, actually seeking a man
craving company.)


Edit:
Dancing to unknown tune...
in
flowing, flowered dresses,
knitted shawl and boots-
of a dark green suede.

(Dancing to unknown tune
in flowing flowered dresses
knitted shawl and boots
of dark green suede.)


Comments:
I do not think that I have fully understood the poem and enjoyed the read in full, only I got a little idea about the theme of the poem for I think the poem is too abstract sometime, for example, these four lines of your poem -- Dancing to unknown tune/ in flowing flowered dresses/ knitted shawl and boots/ of dark green suede, here I get a superficial idea for I think the lines are not expressive to me. But, I appreciate the endeavour and I think you have composed a good poem.


I expected a word might have been included in the Author's Notes to help your public readers to understand and appreciate your great poem easily.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; about 13 (thirteen) years ago on 31st March, 2006 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this first (1st) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.

by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1678 / Wed 25122019 Merry Christmas!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of why  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Human nature highlighted!


You have composed a good Japanese lyric verse, Tanka form, in five unrhymed 7-7-5-5-7 lines in 31 syllables, telling about common nature of human beings, and expressed human story of vowing something on the day of celebration, for example, celebrating Christmas once a year, and forgetting everything all other days of the year and we never forget to celebrate the day as festival once a year and promise doing that and that on the day of celebration and again we forget everything once the celebration is over.


I like this and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling and the free flow of thoughts.


Edit:
why
(Why)


Comments:
You have raised the common question, telling about our nature of talking or promising about the future but we forget doing what we promise on day of celebration, once the celebration is over.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; 3 years ago on 22nd December, 2016 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this second (2nd) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1675 / Wed 25122019 Merry Christmas!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A poem of wish!

This is a good poem you have composed simply, I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of appreciation of questions you ask after your lover has left you for good, the free and easy flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.


Edit:
Oh, please lover come back to me.

(Oh lover! Please, come back to me.)


Edit:
Oh, please lover come back to me.
(O lover! Please, come back to me.)


Edit:
Oh, please lover come back to me.
(O my lover! Come back to me.)


Edit:
Oh, please lover come back to me.
(O my love! Please come back to me.)


Comments:
Your lover has gone, leaving you for reasons unknown to you, and now you have been asking many questions of his leaving you and wishing your lover to come to you back as you have started waiting for his coming back to you, for you think you have not yet betrayed your lover so far.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; 10 years ago on 21st December, 2009 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this thirteenth (13th) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1674 / Wed 25122019 Merry Christmas!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of I Don't Know  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Telling your feeling or faith!


This is a good poem you have composed, you have used poetic licence, you are free to express anything and everything you like but everything proves your wisdom.


I like and have enjoyed the read, your mode of taletelling the truth or true feeling, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and word imagery, and rhythm of thoughts in a style of confession (privately, though the work is placed on public read and reviews), and your monologue flavour of taletelling about your faith, belief, thoughts and words of appreciation of happening and causing things that you do not understand who does and why and how.


Edit:
There are so many more things
About nature I don’t know

(There are so many more things
about Nature I do not know.)


Edit:

What makes the moon go ‘round the Earth
Why does Saturn have a ring?

(What makes the moon go around the Earth
and why does Saturn have a ring?)


Edit:
Some say it is God’s handiwork
That’s something that I doubt
If God does have a hand in things
He’d better work things out

(Some say it is God’s handiwork
that is something that I doubt
if God does have a hand in things
He would better work things out.)


Edit:
For something’s wrong most everywhere
Yes, something’s out of tune
He’d better figure out this mess
And He’d better do it soon

(For something is wrong most everywhere.
Yes, something’s out of tune.
God is better figure out this mess
and He would better do it soon.)


Edit:
There’re hurricanes and mudslides
And global warming too
And earthquakes and forest fires
Just to name a few

(There are hurricanes and mudslides
and global warming too
and earthquakes and forest fires
just to name a few.)


Edit:
But I don’t think there is a god
I watch the nightly news
How can you notice what goes on
And kneel down in your pews?

(But I do not think there is God
I watch the nightly news.
How can you notice what goes on
and kneel down in your pews?)


Edit:
No god would let this happen
Not one who’s good and fair
A god that’s filled with mercy
Would cradle us with care

(No God would let this happen!
Not one who is good and fair.
A God that is filled with mercy
would cradle us with care.)


Edit:
Perhaps I’ll watch more PBS
Watch NOVA day and night
They might explain the mysteries
They just might shed some light

(Perhaps I will watch more PBS.
Watch NOVA day and night.
They might explain the mysteries.
They just might shed some light.)


Edit:
They say that we should trust in God
But I don’t think I can
I don’t know if I’ll ever trust
In anyone again

Well, maybe PBS

(They say that we should trust in God.
But, I do not think I can.
I do not know if I will ever trust
in anyone again.

Well, maybe PBS.)



Comments:
You have doubt about God’s handiwork, but again you expect God should work out things, this concept is not expressive and clear to me about your actual point or point of view or idea about God’s working; I know God is God and God is not man, and man is man and not God, God does not act anything like man, for God does God’s job and it is never a handiwork or anything doing like what man does or man is able to do, for God is Omnipresent, God is Omnipotent and God is Omniscient and God is immortal but man is not immortal for man is created by God, God’s actions are divine and nothing like that of man who has been gifted no divine power like God, so the question of thinking God’s acting like that of man is manmade concept and is not appreciable;


If something goes wrong, or something happens beyond your wish, like, expectation it is not the God’s concern, for God does not act anything like man.


As such, you cannot expect, even in dream, or think, or make God responsible, accountable for anything happened and you cannot link God or concern God to an action happened to you, for you are man, who is a creation by God, and man has been gifted no divine power, as man has no supernatural, or super power to do anything like God.


Man has no power to dictate, direct, advice, order or request God for doing anything for man. Please do not assume or presume anything or everything beyond the meaning, essence of what I write here, it is such a huge subject and concept what is God and what God does and when God does anything that may affect man, but God does not do anything like man, God does everything as God, so it is never like that of a man’s action.


God is the creator and God does not destroy anything. Nature’s action is natural and automatic and we cannot make God liable as Nature is also a creation of God.


Again, you have expressed a controversial word and view or word stating if there is a God at all, so now you are self-contradictory about God and view of God and God’s action.


However, you have tried to put shield for saving about your mistrust, distrust, disbelief or concept about God.


Moreover, you have not used any Author’s Notes about your concept and many words you have used I do not understand and you have not explained your art and style of expression.

Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; recently, your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this first (1st) review of your poem.

You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
The Poet's Place   (E)
Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1671 / Wed 25122019 Merry Christmas!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of Telling Time  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
No regretful taletelling to tell time!

Fantastic!

You have composed a wishful poem expressing a wish not to tell and not to narrate a regretful taletelling about your memories and not to use your watch to tell time anymore for you have already thrown away your clocks for good for you wish to give a relief to your speedy lips for not repeating your disappointing state of living centering around telling time.


I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the rhymes, the rhythms of thoughts, the wishful wish about telling time, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, and monologue flavour of taletelling.


Edit:
Time!!! -a villanelle from the word prompts of para/poem challenge
(This is a Villanelle from the word prompts of para/poem challenge.)


Edit:
Have you noticed?I made a choice today.
My vagrant life to my liking I set,
To tell the time, I threw the clock away.

(Have you noticed? I made a choice today.
My vagrant life to my liking I set
to tell the time, I threw the clock away.)


Edit:
No red flag is up, hours promise to stay;
As seconds stretch, limp flowers I forget,

(No red flag is up, hours promise to stay
as seconds stretch, limp flowers I forget.)


Edit:
My frills, my ills expertly I relay,
In my carefree mode, an irony yet,
To tell the time, I threw the clock away.

(My frills, my ills expertly I relay
in my carefree mode, an irony yet
to tell the time, I threw the clock away.)


Edit:
Those years to store in my moderate way,
A veined age-capsule I’ve managed to get.

(Those years to store, in my moderate way
a veined age-capsule I’ve managed to get.)


Edit:

While I sat to sip my bliss with chardonnay,
These speeding lips have leaked tales to regret.

(While, I sat to sip my bliss with chardonnay
these speeding lips have leaked tales to regret.)


Comments:
You have expressed your wish not to tell time and accordingly you have thrown away clocks


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; about 16 years ago on 6th July, 2003 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this twenty-second (22nd) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
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#1937699 by Dave

1670 / Wed 25122019 Merry Christmas!



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140
140
Review of Wishing  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A poem of wish!


Well, this poem speaks of about your wish, you never welcome changes, but you wish to experience life and feel and live your life something different, not to live in the rut, something special and new, and something you wish to feel proud of, and you wish to go on adventures everyday differently to a new place, but you do not wish to feel and find changes for you wish today is not the day for a change.


I like and have enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery, and the monologue flavour of taletelling.


Edit:
always wishing for something different.
new experiences, new horizons,
lest I start losing interest.

unstable, unsettled, a wandering man,
on and on I go, as far as I can.


(Always I wish for something different
new experiences, new horizons
lest I should start losing interest.

Unstable, unsettled, a wandering man
on and on I go, as far as I can.)


Edit:
eternally searching, I'm trying to find
the glorious feeling, that shiver down my spine,
like the fireworks bursting in my mind
the first time I called you mine.

(Eternally searching, I am trying to find
the glorious feeling that shiver down my spine
like the fireworks bursting in my mind
for the first time I called you mine.)


Edit:
But I've begun to hate change,
Realized the future isn't mine to rearrange.
indeed, how bizzare,
indeed, how strange,
a man who seeks adventures afar
and a boy who's terrified to change.

(But I have begun to hate change
and realized the future is not mine to rearrange.
Indeed, how bizarre
indeed, how strange
a man who seeks adventures afar
and a boy who terrifies to change.)


Edit:
his mind wanders on and on, next chapter, next page,
yet he clings on and on, to the safety of his cage.
everyone says he'll break free someday,
but all he knows is that it is not today.

(His mind wanders on and on, next chapter, next page
yet, he clings on and on, to the safety of his cage.
Everyone says he will break free someday
but, all he knows is that it is not today.)


Comments:
You have stated your wish, you wish to live a new, different and adventurous state of living, but free of changes in any aspect of living.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; recently, your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this third (3rd) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1668 / Tue 24122019



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141
141
Review of Summer Haiku  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Summarily adventure in a summer sky!


This is a good poem, a Haiku poem, you have composed in a Japanese lyric verse form, having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five (5, 7, 5) syllables, and I find you have expressed it traditionally invoking an aspect of Nature or the season – summer.


I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, clear and explicit or expressive expression and the word visuals.


Comments:
You have done a simple and clear three line poem about your wish to enjoy summer and you go for visual activation and entertain yourself in the summer day simply by gazing at the sky and making an adventure in thoughts, enjoying and feeling the joy of being in the cool blue ocean in the sky and roaming in the sandy islands in the sky.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; about four years ago on 24th May, 2015 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this fourth (4th) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1665 / Sun 22122019



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142
142
Review of Blindness  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Assumptive act! Presumptive fact!


This is a good poem that speaks clearly about people’s assumptive act, action, activities and presumptive factual behaviour in making and growing relationship and promotes people’s wrongful, unjustifiable and unfair or fallacious thought and activities against other’s activities and behaviour, and states how people behave wrongly treating and considering a positive goer a negative goer and act against and create trouble in relations and make others living a chaos.


I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling that I can relate to in our everyday living about how people behave egoistically and wrongly about others seemingly considering them negative, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and word imagery.


Edit:
They are all so convinced that I am a sad,
lonely person who is extreme.
But what is extreme.
What is morbidity.

(They are all so convinced that I am a sad
and lonely person, who is extreme.
But, what is extreme?
What is morbidity?)


Comments:
You have rightly stated blindness of people’s attitude and behaviour and assumptive and presumptive blind act against others and raising and causing distress in others living.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; recently, your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this fourth (4th) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1664 / Sun 22122019


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143
143
Review of Just A Few  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Feeling bizarre living shared!


You have composed this poem rather in a lighter space and thought, but shared your peculiar in your own words of feeling, the state of living, and how you have expressed each course of living in your poems and how many and how often you had to struggle for survival as if starting from zero, isolated, solitary, unorganized and uneventful living, and you kept writing each state of experience in words.


But, this poem also speaks as a whole some words, a few words, about experience of finding, experimenting and exploring meaning of living.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; about 4 years ago on 30th March, 2015 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this third (3rd) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1663 / Sat 21122019


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144
144
Review of swimming  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fun swimming!


I think this is a good Haiku poem, I find it has thoughts that may traditionally invoke as aspect of Nature and it follows a Japanese lyric verse form maintains three unrhymed lines of five, seven and five (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables and it is written in present form.


I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visual and the word imagery, the third line has a general, if not an ‘aha’ effect, and the flow of thoughts.


Edit:
swimming
(Swimming)


Comments:
The matter of fun is well explored and expressed and the cause – swimming in the dirty river, is nicely reasoned and stated.


Thank you for sharing and placing your poem on public read and reviews; about four years ago on 11th July, 2015 your poem was created; I am happy to gift you precious time writing and sending this third (3rd) review of your poem.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing more and more poems.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1937699 by Dave

1662 / Sat 21122019


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145
145
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Watching Movies, Down Memory Lane!


In this free verse, the poet tells about her days of enjoying and entertaining watching films at old movie theatres and remembers those happy moments starting from buying tickets, entering into the cinema hall and enjoying movies and coming back home walking and talking about the heroes, the roles, acting, and chit-chatting about the films.


I have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery , the narrative expression, simple and entertaining versification, lucid style of painting in words.


Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted on 9th February, 2019; I am happy to write and glad to send this seventh (7th) review of your work.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.
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#1937699 by Dave

1659 / Fri 20122019



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146
146
Review of Thunderstorm  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic, lively taletelling!


I like this Rictometer poem and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling about scaring state in natural calamity, act in Nature and how the scaring attitude is generalized as a common suffering, circumstantial and attitudinal change in causing status in living, free flow of thoughts and word imagery.


Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted on 15th April, 2012; I am happy to write and glad to send this first (1st) review of your work.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.
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#1937699 by Dave

1658 / Fri 20122019



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147
147
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Concordance of thoughts in abcedarius poem!


This 26-line abcedarius poem written in abcb, 7-8-7-6 format is a nice work done, I like and have enjoyed the read, all the way, the free flow of thoughts with proper rhyme and meter, nice conceptual derivation, taletelling of confidence and wisdom and performance achievement, the lessons for living.


Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted on 14th April, 2008; I am happy to write and glad to send this seventh (7th) review of your work.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.
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#1937699 by Dave

1656 / Fri 20122019



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148
148
Review of Prophecy  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Fantastic! Prophecy comes!


I like this fascinating work of poem and have enjoyed the read, the order, the sequence, the rhythm the chains of thoughts in taletelling, the flow of thoughts, the supernatural spirit of prophetic activity with devotional note of truth in appreciation, the word visuals, the act and action in expression, the implication of environment for appreciation of thematic perception, and the word imagery.


Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted on 6th May 2004; I am happy to write and glad to send this first (1st) review of your work.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.
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#1937699 by Dave

1655 / Fri 20122019



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149
149
Review of We Were Kings  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wanted, wished, got and visualized!


The kings wandered in search of a promised child and found him; and when the kings, the magi or the wise persons were no in need of a child, but found a child in a manger as the Saviour of mankind, because the kings sought for a one’s kingdom and visualized so.


I like this sonnet and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling in both real and eternal or divine spirit in appreciation, the octave and sestet and the resolution.


Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted on 25th December, 2016; I am happy to write and glad to send this fourth (4th) review of your work.


You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject a comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.
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#1937699 by Dave

1653 / Fri 20122019



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150
150
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Commonly uncommon!

This is a nice poem, simple and eloquent, I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling about the unrequited love at the instance of meeting her five times completing the status of love one way, and the monologue flavour of love in the making one way ending up the tale like love’s labour lost after a series of meeting, and the free flow of thoughts, the rhythms of thoughts in the making of a unrequited love, the word imagery, the word visuals.


Edit:
The first time I saw you
(The First Time I Saw You)


Edit:
The first time I saw you
My head ceased to think
Your eyes drew me in
And your words made me numb

(The first time I saw you
my head ceased to think.
Your eyes drew me in
and your words made me numb.)


Edit:
The second time I saw you
My heart was melted to liquid
Your smile was all I needed
And your company was all I wanted

(The second time I saw you
my heart was melted to liquid.
Your smile was all I needed
and your company was all I wanted.)


Edit:
The third time I saw you
My soul could not sing
Your love was for another
And your time was spent away from me

(The third time I saw you
my soul could not sing.
Your love was for another
and your time was spent away from me.)


Edit:
The fourth time I saw you
My ears grew anxiety
Your wedding had been planned
And your happiness was not with me

(The fourth time I saw you
my ears grew anxiety.
Your wedding had been planned
and your happiness was not with me.)


Edit:
The fifth time I saw you
My tears were a mask of joy
Your vows had been made
And your life would never be mine

(The fifth time I saw you
my tears were a mask of joy.
Your vows had been made
and your life would never be mine.)


Comments:
The progression of the tale of making a unrequited love story is very organized, truthful and expressed in sequence, I appreciate the waves and emotional sequence of love in the making endeavours of taletelling.

Thanks for sharing and placing this work on public read and reviews; your work was created and posted recently; I am happy to write and glad to send this first (1st) review of your work.

You are free, as you have right to do so, to reject an edit and or comment, if you like so. But, keep writing.

by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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Poets can discuss, review, request reviews, etc. of their unique form of writing.
#1937699 by Dave

1649 / Sat 14122019


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