*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nann0827/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
1,172 Public Reviews Given
1,361 Total Reviews Given
Favorite Genres
fantasy,sci-fi, dark, nature, mythology
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, flash fiction
Public Reviews
Previous ... 3 -4- 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
76
76
Review of Waves  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

Clear and concise.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

With the lack of capitalization and punctuation, the ending period sort of stuck out to me. You might consider capitalizing the first word of the piece to balance out the period.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

It's a scary feeling you describe. It makes me uncomfortable just thinking about being held down in the water. Sometimes life does feel like that. It's a sensation I can relate to. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
77
77
Review of My Storoems  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

I love your "storoems."

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

*Thumbsup*None.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I love the fluidity of this piece. It flows effortlessly. The rhymes are terrific. I thoroughly enjoyed the comparison of brief poems and M&M candies. That really gave me a smile! Personally, I wish I had your knack for rhythm, flow, rhyme and length. Your poems always convey a great picture that is crystal clear. Excellent.

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
78
78
Review of I've Been  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Cat*First Impressions*Cat*

Life is a roller coaster.

*Ghost*Questions/Suggestions*Ghost*

In the eighth line, I'm not sure about the use of "got" in relation to what you have in the next line. I suppose you can obtain friends, but it's a little harder to obtain family. I think "have" might be more fitting.

*Witch-hat*Overall *Witch-hat*

You've covered a nice range of both extremes. I really like the point you make that no matter what happens, you have family. Generally speaking, there's always something you can be thankful for if you look hard enough. Good job.

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
79
79
Review of A Possum's Story  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Cat*First Impressions*Cat*

Cute story!

*Ghost*Questions/Suggestions*Ghost*

There are a few times when the punctuation is outside the quotation marks, rather than inside.

What is a kitchen "shelf" door?

*Witch-hat*Overall *Witch-hat*

I thoroughly enjoyed the bouncing off the walls bit. *Bigsmile* How accurate and realistic! I like how the story is separated with each section having its own title. It helps bridge the time line gaps. The last section is beautiful. I like how you leave it open for additional stories. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
80
80
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Cat*First Impressions*Cat*

A very intriguing idea!

*Ghost*Questions/Suggestions*Ghost*

I'm not sure I get the full sentiment intended. I got a little lost in stanza 2.

*Witch-hat*Overall *Witch-hat*

It's amazing what you can put together with bits and pieces of other pieces. I really like the turn of 'gut instinct' into "belly intelligent." That's a phrase I had not heard before. I wonder how it was originally used. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
81
81
Review of The Beast  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Cat*First Impressions*Cat*

Dialog only is a difficult task! You've included enough descriptions in the dialog to give me a clear picture.

*Ghost*Questions/Suggestions*Ghost*

Some of the dialog felt a little stiff to me. At one point, she says, "You're only 12," but the dialog doesn't feel like kids to me, especially at the end, when he says "help me revive her."

*Witch-hat*Overall *Witch-hat*

I really enjoyed the twist at the end. There's enough narrative in the dialog to give a good image of the surroundings. I think I have a good feel for the location, etc. I really felt the suspense and Sammy's on edge-ness. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
82
82
Review of The Teddy Bear  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

A nice, quick image into a life.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

There are a few commas missing (second paragraph, after "candle and" for instance) and an apostrophe needed in "mothers" in the second paragraph. In the second paragraph, instead of "chocked voice," do you mean "choked voice"? In the third paragraph, the comma in the first sentence should be a semi-colon or a period, as phrases on both sides are complete.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I think you wove the three elements in beautifully. The story flows logically and feels natural. There are a few bits that could be cleaned up a bit, but the images are strong and moving. It's amazing how much the outer world affects our inner world. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
83
83
Review of Ariadne  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

This is a lovely piece.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

Since the last stanza is a question, I feel that the last period might be better off as a question mark.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I love the images and emotions described. On the first read, I was thinking there was a little bit of comma overload. On second look, all the commas do look appropriate, and it does create an interesting sensation while reading. It's as though I can feel the rocking of the ocean, that rhythmical motion. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
84
84
Review of Success  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on being the Honorary Featured Non-Moderator for this week in the Mod Review Blitz!

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

Youthful soccer games. I remember them well.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

It's too bad you don't have more words to work with. I'd like to get a better image of what happens to the ball as it rolls across her foot. Is it just the idea that she got a little game play or does something accidentally happen that makes her dad so excited?

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

This reminded me of my own kindergarten soccer games. I was never one to pick dandelions during the game, but we never really got into it. We all just ran whichever way the ball went with no idea what we were doing! *Bigsmile* It's nice to see a piece like this where they're just happy playing rather than having the crazy sports parents yelling at the kids. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
85
85
Review of Texas Hold 'Em  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

Very exciting!

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

My only question is are the players actually playing standing up? That's the image I get in the fourth paragraph. players stand Or is it a Texas Hold 'Em term? Similar to staying in Black Jack? Or check/call in poker?

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

What a cliffhanger! You've painted an enthralling image. I was really getting into the game, and you left me hanging. I'm really wondering what card got turned up. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
86
86
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

Great descriptions!

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

Just curious. All but the last stanza have the even lines rhyming (foot/look is a stretch but they have the same sound). In the last stanza, the first two lines rhyme instead. I'm just curious if there's a reason you changed the scheme at the end.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

This piece has a wonderful rhythm. It pulled me right in and held me from beginning to end. You also kept me guessing as to which animal you chose in answer to the contest prompt. I had ideas and images and your answer fit everything beautifully. Excellent job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
87
87
Review of Fiery Red Hair  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

Absolutely beautiful.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

One tiny little thing. In the second or third to last paragraph (Shouting from...), a comma would do well after "bow."

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

It's just lovely. Tears are brimming, it's so beautiful. I love the repeated image of the first sentence and "that's what everyone else saw." It keeps you coming back and unifies the peace. There's sadness as well as joy. The words flow wonderfully and rhythmically. Excellent job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
88
88
Review of Mental Circus  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

This is a feeling/experience I can definitely relate to!

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

In the first stanza, the first line seems like it should be a separate, complete thought from the second/third lines while the fourth line feels like it belongs with the second/third lines as "complementing" needs its own subject.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I like the contrasting, yet, synonymous images (solely independent, collaborative). It's amazing how things work like that sometimes. Two things can seem disparate and yet alike in their own fashion. The mind works in strange, unfathomable ways! Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
89
89
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

A lovely piece!

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

In the second stanza, a couple of lines feel incomplete to me. treasured in every way and Whispers sweet love songs in the wind, The first one, to me, feels like it should be connected more firmly to the previous phrase (i.e. love). The second one, is "whispers" the verb? With the following phrase (it...), it feels more like it should be a verb. (Whispered sweet love songs..., should be cherished)

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I love the finality and assurance in the last stanza. Your emotional descriptions are terrific. I like the image of an open doorway to the heart of angels. This piece reminds me of all the wonderful things about love. It gives me a warm feeling. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
90
90
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

A lovely piece.The rhymes are great.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

*Thumbsup*None.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I loved the ending! You really hid the twist very well. The piece flows very well. Your descriptions are nice; it's a great story. I can't get over that last line. It made me laugh out loud. It's the perfect ending. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
91
91
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

This is a nice acrostic. I like how you set it up to highlight the form.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

The singular comma in stanza two feels out of place. The piece flows well without punctuation and I think it would be best to leave it punctuationless, rather than have one lone punctuation mark.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I feel a little like I'm being told the story, but I can't feel it. There's a disconnect in the rapidity of the piece. That said, it's echoed well in the second stanza with the overrun and the many voices at once. One definitely gets an overwhelming feeling, something grand on the horizon. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
92
92
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

The wonders and terrors of Nature. The animal kingdom is really something.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

Towards the end, things move very quickly and I became a little confused. You make a point to tell us that there is only one car but do not indicate that there is anyone else there who could drive if there was another car. I also find it a little odd that it's mentioned a few times that time is of the essence, yet it keeps being put off.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

Cats can be wonderful pets as well as terrors. Growing up, I had a cat that loved to hunt. I loved the cat but hated what it brought back. This is a good narrative of some of the incidents you run into with predatory animals. It's especially stirring as the victim is a baby rabbit. They're so adorable. Good job.

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
93
93
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

I love the vivid descriptions.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

In the second to last paragraph, the phrase stroke through doesn't feel natural to me. Personally, I think "run through" or simply "stroke" would read more natural since stroke gives a vision more of a skimming across than through.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I like watching the scene through the main character's pov rather than from an omniscient pov. It gives us a smaller, clearer window, especially a view of what is most important to the mc. Though, there is one point in the third paragraph that I would like to see a little deeper. What corrupt thoughts circle while alone at the top? It seems an odd thought while enjoying the beautiful scenery. It's amazing the effect nature can have on us. There's nothing quite like standing at a great height with a view. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
94
94
Review of Dear God  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

I think now, especially, this piece is very poignant and easily related to by the masses. Who of us has not felt hopelessness?

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

Sometimes, the thoughts feel incomplete. For instance, in Let me know the hope I hold, I'm not sure quite how to interpret. If you are holding on to hope, it seems like you should know it. This leads me to wonder if it's not that you want to know that your hope is not unfounded. Unless "my faith" is synonymous with the hope you hold. In that case, to better link hope with "is not", you might consider a comma after "faith." Also, the capital letters don't match up with the punctuation. The eighth line is capitalized though the seventh ends with a comma.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I can relate to the feelings you are expressing. It seems like if we could just receive one sign, it would make it much easier to bear. Sometimes we feel so alone in this world, it feels like all is for naught. Good job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
95
95
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

A wonderful introspective letter! I can really relate.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

*Thumbsup*None.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

The letter's second paragraph really hit home! It's amazing how we each have our own ying and yang-something to balance out both extremes of personalities. It really does seem that the soul and mind exist separately of each other. It gives one pause for thought. We can be so many things at one time. I think we need both sides to strike a balance. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
96
96
Review of Pigeon Parade  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

How terrific! I enjoy feeding the birds as well.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

*Thumbsup*None.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I find pigeons and doves very amusing. They both have a similar strut. I used to watch Sesame Street when I was little, and Burt created this dance-"Doin' the Pigeon." I still think of that when I watch them strut around!

It's amazing how, when you really look at something, there's always more depth to it. I think it's wonderful that they aren't just ugly pigeons to you. They kind of remind me of people. We may look similar, but we are all unique (and resilient in the case of the lover pigeon!).

Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
97
97
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

A wonderful, descriptive piece.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

Personally, I'm not sure about the prepositional phrase separating your subject and verb in the first stanza. Is the warmth describing the sun or the way it paints?

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

Your descriptions really pulled me in. Between the players themselves and the game, I was enthralled. I could smell the grass, I could hear the pieces being moved. I found the fourth stanza especially riveting. I can feel and relate to both feelings-the thrill of victory, and the disappointment of feeling the game slip away. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
98
98
Review of Our Beginning  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

What a lovely, sentimental piece!

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

I feel that some of the punctuation contradicts the underlying feel. For instance, in the first stanza, the second line feels like a continuation of the first line rather than the start of a new sentence. The third line feels like a description of the second that should be set aside rather than flowing from the second line as one unit.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

The rhymes are great and add a wonderful feel to the flow of the piece. The piece is fluid; the description of feelings and the progression is terrific. I love how everything comes together in the last stanza. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
99
99
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

This piece has a wonderful feel to it. The rhythm pulls you right in.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

I felt surprised by the last stanza (the fade). Personally, I would like a little lead up from the blossom to the fade as a transition. I feel like the end came too soon.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

The rhymes and flow are great. I can relate to the rise and fall of feelings. Sometimes it does seem as though it ends before it begins, but there's usually some sort of tipping point that leads to the demise. I love the setup you have going. It adds to the momentum and rhythm of the piece. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
100
100
Review of She Walks  
Review by § Forsaken §
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

*Note6*First Impressions*Note6*

This is a wonderful piece. I love the rhythm and flow.

*Idea*Questions/Suggestions*Idea*

The comma on the twelfth line separates the subject "house" from the verb "was." I would suggest adding an additional comma after "house", omitting the coma, or rearranging the sentence to where the phrase "built in the 1800's" starts the sentence rather than coming between the subject and verb.

*Note6*Overall *Note6*

I love the tragic story. It has a fluid feel that lends a ethereal sense to the piece. It has that feel that all great ghost/romance gone wrong stories. The descriptions are wonderful. Great job!

Keep writing!!!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
380 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 16 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nann0827/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4