This story is wonderfully told. I appreciate the background information you have given us in the beginning. You have an excellent grasp of the English language.
Suggestions
Where you first introduce Omina, you say Omina who were building. Firms are considered a singular entity. Thus, "were" should be "was." Also, you should have a comma after "Omina."
In the section where Kevin arrives at the funeral, I have always knew should be I had always known.
In the last section, you need a comma after "deary."
Overall
This was very well done! I'm looking forward to reading the second part. Your descriptions are good, and the dialog feels natural. Excellent job!
This is a lovely piece. It's a wonderful ode to lemon trees. I love your lemon tree in the beginning. It's been very well done. Sometimes the thought feels incomplete; but, the piece flows well, and your rhymes are spot on. You've covered an amazing array of all the way we utilize lemons. They are an amazing fruit. This is a really fun piece. Great job!
This is a wonderful piece! Pantoums can be difficult to execute well. You have done an excellent job. The repetition doesn't get boring, and you inject a different infliction in each instance. In the last stanza, you changed the first word of the third line. In the third stanza, it was "crystal" and, in the last, it is "gemstone." The piece moves well. I thoroughly enjoyed your descriptions.
One suggestion I might make, when you say "mother moon," would it look better/be more appropriate if you capitalized it. It does seem to be a name, and names are generally capitalized.
This is a fun piece. You introduced me to a new definition of "manipulation." Taking aside the first stanza (which doesn't rhyme), your rhymes are good. You tell the story well and bring us through the story line smoothly. I think you could use a comma at the end of the first line of the second stanza. It flows well, and your descriptions are good. Great job!
You boys and your toys! You would think you would know better!!
You tell the story well and surprise us a little in the end. In the second paragraph, I don't know what Jamison is. I would appreciate a little description of it in the piece or a blurb at the end. I'm assuming it's some kind of liquor, but I don't know.
In the second to last sentence of the second paragraph, I don't know that you need the first comma before "iodine." Also, you start with "first," but don't continue numbering. I think that sentence might read smoother if you left off "first."
You really are "Mr. Lucky." These sorts of stories give me the willies! I'm glad that everything turned out okay. Thanks for sharing this story with us.
This is a lovely piece. I feel a thread of melancholy woven throughout. Your descriptions are vivid, and I can relate to the feelings you are expressing.
In the third stanza, you have an extra space before the comma in line one. Also, line three, I think the comma should come before "yet" instead of after.
In stanza five, should it be "scared" instead of "scarred"? I think you could use a semi-colon at the end of this line as well. A comma might be nice at the end of the first line in stanza six.
I think this piece would look nice if displayed in couplets. Most of the piece is already in couplets. You could break the first stanza in half, and, in the third stanza, make the last line into a couplet with the break before 'yet.' This is just a design suggestion.
The emotions are well displayed. I can relate to each step of the journey. Good job!
This is a very funny piece. Your descriptions are fantastic. You have executed the rictameter form perfectly. Your syllabics are spot on. You might consider adding a little blurb describing the rictameter form for those unfamiliar with it. The lack of capitalization and punctuation works in this piece. Great job!
This is a terrific story. It didn't go at all the way I had expected it would. The shortness of the sentences in the middle really lend a hurried feel to the piece. You had me going there. The story was reminiscent of Hitchcock's "The Birds." Your descriptions were fantastic. You really got the character of the cat. Excellent job!
This is a fun piece! You paint your examples vividly. Your end of stanza rhymes are nice and add something to the piece. Technically, you might need commas around your mid-sentence prepositional phrases. However, the minimal punctuation works for me. I like how you have illustrated the unending nature of some things versus the yielding nature of others. Great job!
This is a lovely piece. Your descriptions are wonderful. I can relate to the images and feelings you are expressing. The form you have created is great, and you execute it well. I love how you go through all the seasons. In the last stanza, I think the last comma on the first line should be a semi-colon. This is a fantastic piece. Great job!
This is an interesting piece. I like how you have gone about it. You might consider a little blurb or description of what a diamante is. It's a great way for people to learn about new poetry styles and how, exactly, to go about it.
Your words are expressive. I can feel the underlying current. This piece doesn't fit in with what I'm familiar with as a diamante. This piece seems to focus wholly around the last word, instead of breaking in half and morphing from one into another.
Since you have commas on the fourth line to mark the distinction in your list, I think you should use commas in the other lines. The piece is very vivid. The piece moves rapidly and draws the reader into the nightmare. Good job.
This is an interesting piece. You might, either here or on your main page, stating what a senryu is or that the form is an adaptation of Haiku (the form is the same, the subject matter differs). I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have never heard of a Senryu.
I feel that the form has constricted you a little bit. The first line feels incomplete and disconnected from the rest. The last two lines are brief but clear.
The piece's theme is clearly expressed and one that many people can relate to. I like the determination expressed in the last line. Good job.
Thank you so much for the laugh! I thoroughly enjoyed this madlib. It seemed like it was going to be a long one. It was well worth the few moments spent thinking up random words. I actually laughed out loud at what came across the computer screen. Excellent madlib!!
This is an exceptionally haunted piece. You bring the words to life and make me shiver where I sit! The piece flows well, and your rhymes are spot on. I love the reiteration of "beyond the shadows." It really ties the piece together nicely. Your imagery brings the story to life. Great job!!
This is a tongue twister! I had trouble reading it through in my head. I can't imagine trying to read this out loud! This piece is right up there with "She picks seashells" and "Peter Piper." You've done an excellent job of capturing the scene and writing it in a tongue twister manner. This is more than just a tongue twister, it's a wonderful scene. Your images are excellent. Great job!!
This is a lovely piece. I enjoyed how you explored all the things that are magic. Indeed, magic is all around us. I like how you have the piece set up. You follow your form throughout the piece. The way you end the piece to mirror the beginning is a nice touch that makes the piece feel whole. Your descriptions of the world are beautiful. There are a couple of spots that I felt didn't flow quite as well as others. But, overall, the flow of the piece is good. Great job!
This is a poignant piece. I can feel regret on both sides. The grass is always greener on the other side (no matter which side you are on)! The piece flows well, and you have executed the Sestina form well. I don't think that a little extra punctuation would hurt the piece. I can relate to the feelings you express in the piece. Good job!
This is a lovely poem. You've captured the heart of a sonnet in the flow and lightness of the piece. Your rhymes are terrific. Your syllabics are a little off. The last three lines of stanza three are 9 syllables each instead of following the 10 syllables in the rest of the piece. I count 11 syllables each in the last two lines. The one syllable off is not enough to throw the flow off. The images you present are vivid. The last two lines are my favorites. The sum the whole of the piece up very nicely. Great job!
This is a fun Halloween poem. The piece flows well, and your rhymes are good. They rhyming of "seek" and "treat" is a bit of a stretch. In the first stanza, lets should have an apostrophe before the s. The piece could use some additional punctuation and capitalization.
You have a mix of no capitalization/punctuation and capitalizing the beginning of sentences. For this piece, I would recommend punctuation where you would normally have it (in story form) and you can choose whether to capitalize each line or the beginning of sentences.
In the sixth stanza, you might consider a dash or something to illustrate that the third line is directly connected to the fourth. At first, I didn't realize that you were saying the moon's light is the food they require, and I was wondering what had happened to the food they require.
I enjoyed your descriptions of the night. It is a fun and spooky look at Halloween. I'd be happy to take another look at this and re-review it if you make changes.
This is a wonderful, scary story. The flow is good. Your rhymes are great. The piece flows rapidly in the second half. Your descriptions are wonderful. I can feel the fear as it seizes.
In the fourth stanza, I think you might consider a comma after "strikes." You don't need the comma after "rolled." In the sixth stanza, the period leaves your sentence incomplete. As I walked I found/ though most nights I liked the quiet, dark night. It leaves us asking what you found.
I love your description of the apparitions. I could feel the terror rising. I love how the story feels told in poetic form. Great job!
This is a wonderful epic poem. You tell the story very well. Your syllabics and rhymes are both well done. You've chosen a specific rhyme scheme and have executed it well. Your descriptions are wonderful. I feel like I've been transported to the scene. It's full of suspense, and I detect a trifle bit of humor infused here and there. Great job!
This is a very spooky story! It's especially scary as we never see the bad thing. Not knowing adds a sense of mystery. You might consider rewording the first sentence. The wording sets the story up to be told in the past tense, but the story is told as events occur.
There's something amiss in the second half of the second sentence. he'd the initiative This spot doesn't feel right to me. I think it should read "he'd had," with two had's. (He had had the initiative.) Also, you might consider saying "put back" instead of "replace." To me, replace implies that he's going to bring back something else, as though she had brought up the wrong box.
I love how you leave the story open at the ending. We can only imagine what might happen next. Your descriptions of the events are good. You give us enough information to keep us interested and wondering. Good job!
This is a wonderfully dark piece. You pull me in right away. Your story is clear. The piece has a great rhythm. Your rhymes are terrific. In the first stanza, I really want to connect "Demon" to the verb that starts the last line. When I read it, I want "Demon" to be the subject and the next line to be the action he carries out.
In the third stanza, I think you might want a comma after "masquerading" in the third line. The last line of the fourth stanza should end with a period. With the series of phrases in stanza five, I think the comma should go at the end of line three instead of line two. You might also consider a comma after "afraid" in the last stanza.
I love the last line. The rest of the piece is dark and serious. I detect a note of humor embedded in that last line. This is a great story. You've described it all very well. Great job!
This is a wonderful poetic story. The piece flows well and the rhymes add a great feeling to the piece. The rhyming of lines three and four is a bit of a stretch, but it doesn't detract from the overall flow and feel of the piece. I love the reiteration of "where evil dwells." The descriptions are great and bring us right into the story. The cauldron image is a wonderful touch. Great job!
This is a good historical article about the creation of Halloween. I like how you have covered a wide history dating back centuries. You don't really need all the instances of "had." They had celebrated. "It had started. Both instance are just fine without "had."
In the second paragraph, I think you should spell out "1st." You might take another look at the second sentence. It feels a little run-on to me.
In the third paragraph, instead of connecting each point in the list with "and" you might try using a comma. Also, were they sacrificing the crops they were burning? It sounds like the bonfires were made to sacrifice the crops by burning them. I'm not sure that's what you mean. You might consider capitalizing "they" and making that a separate sentence.
In the seventh paragraph, when you put the comma after century, it reads as though people said this in the early century versus this occurring in the early century. You might consider rephrasing this sentence: With the new immigrants who came to America, so were new traditions. It doesn't have a clear subject. Also, you dropped the "e" in treating in the end of this paragraph.
I like how you ended the article with the present day. The first two words of the last sentence have been mushed together. (Iti s) This is a very interesting look at the history of Halloween. You have covered it's history well and given us something to think about. It's amazing how many people don't know where Halloween came from. Good job.
Keep writing!!!
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