| Hi Sumojo. Nixie here. I have the pleasure of reviewing another entry of yours for "I Write in 2020"
Wow. Hard to believe I caught this story in the forum and was able to follow up from chapter one.
Excellent set-up skipping from one POV to another. Although this technique doesn't always work, the differing POVs gave me much more insight as each character continued the story. Also, the little lines in between help.
Once again, I'm dwelling on character development. I'm wondering if Marcus has upgraded his lifestyle. Here, we learn he comes from wealth, but quickly following, Marcus says he only gets a small allowance. I guess that means he's still living the simple life. No fancy cars, homes, apartments, expensive clothes...
Milly has to work and go to school, an indication her extra money is as slim as Marcus's. That's always good in a relationship. No one wants to be with their 'twin', a person who perfectly mirrors a self-image, but some essential qualities of sameness do apply. Money's a big qualifier.
Back to the beginning.
I can't decide if I agree with Milly or not. With all the tech and info available, she could easily look into his background and ensure he's telling the truth. Seems she goes on her 'gut' feelings. Even though sex has commenced, she's still leery of him. Does he sense this? IDK. After six months, I'd think she'd left this doubt aside. A relationship built on a lie or mistrust never works.
What a convincing write to show how the characters are moving forward. She's been introduced to his family—does she see his wealth, I wonder? And what does she think of that? Is she intimidated?
Escalating the plot
The sexual aspect of their relationship is outlined without being overly graphic. Although, considering the challenge, I'm thinking this will escalate to erotica. When that happens, I won't review any more. It's not 'my thing' Just saying, in case we run into each other again. I don't want you thinking that I ghosted on you.
Marcus's thoughts about how he's prepared his apartment had a moment of comic relief. Clean sheets, and then the two words following. [the lot]. A good summary of what he's cleaned up without listing tedious details unnecessary to the plot.
Much improvement in this chapter. Not nearly as many tech issues.
I know you’ll be starving...[knew you'd be]?
to keep this sentence in the same verb tense?
Even after all this time, I can’t believe she agreed to go out with me.
This sounded a little odd, considering six months have passed. Maybe [I can't believe we're still dating.]
my family love her > loves
Only a few days ago, I read the chapter one. I apologize. I can't remember what Milly is studying. Maybe another clue for the reader as a reminder? And what does she look like? You referenced Marcus's appearance again in a convincing way that flowed with the story. We saw him through Milly's eyes. But other than the facts that Milly has luscious lips, slim waist, looks amazing, and has a sexy butt, that's all the reader knows. Now that I'm actually typing this, I'm wondering if that's enough.
I'd like Marcus to twirl her hair, or something, to show what color and length it is. . . um .... how tall she is? Maybe her head tucks perfectly below his chin when they hug. How do they dress? Casually? Milly seems like a proper lady, but does she wear sexy clothes? Is this even important to the plot, at this point? That's me, talking (typing out loud)
Milly's nickname for him is adorable, and sums up his appearance. Does Marcus have one for Milly?
Oops. Before I forget (again) let me mention how you move your characters with ease. Especially the scene with the foot massage and the continuing exploration that Milly halts.
That's a wrap
Both characters have similar misgivings. Marcus isn't totally confident, still in awe of Milly, demonstrating a vulnerability. Milly's playing it safe, continuing to question his background, while still moving forward. Right now, I trust Marcus, but she could be in dangerous waters. Men always show women what they want to see.
I liked the last line (Milly's reflection) in this chapter because it sums up the question lingering in my mind.
Love or lust?
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your chapter. It was fun and thought provoking. I want to know more.