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2,987 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of What Happens  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi njames. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



What drew me in?
The topic and brief description. Since I don't have any suggestions for improvement, some of this review will be the personal experiences you created with your words.

The simple things
The overall presentation is pleasing. I like the larger, color and bold font. Nice job using the extra spacing for an easier read.

Feelings evoked
My sister died in 1983, at the age of thirty. It came as no surprise, she battled with Leukemia for over a year. The memory is poignant. What's in my head is what remains of her. Often, I sense her, but after all this time, it no longer feels like a visitation.

I idolized her. I followed everything she did. Horseback riding, writing, learning German, singing. She was incredibly talented in so many areas. It's not an exaggeration. Such a waste to lose her.

My ten-year-old grandson recently asked me this very question. What happens after? He caught me so off guard, my answer was, 'I don't know. I've never met anyone who died and could tell me what is was like. *Pthb* How lame.

The loss hurts. How could it not? But it's the memories, and especially the unexpected ones that you mentioned in the last few lines. Your words are eloquent and original. Unique.

And in the end?
I really didn't notice the 'Everyday' at the end. I'm not sure if you intended to separate that so much from the body of the poem. Just asking.

It's important to make memories for those left behind in the vacuum of absence. There's a hole inside me that remains. Filling it with past thoughts helps, but the missing never ends. Not for me, anyway.

Last thoughts
Happy anniversary. Why I chose a dark piece for a celebration is 'off' somehow. What can I say? Not so much that the read was pleasant, more like the effect of the words. That's what I'm applauding, quietly and respectfully. I suspect you have an abundance of 'sorry for your loss' but I'll say it anyway. The words are hollow, I know. *HeartBroken*

~Nixie


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77
77
Review of Syl  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Arakun. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I tried to find a more recent story, but this one kept calling out to me, so I indulged myself. Your wrote a beautiful story, so imaginative, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Maybe one of the genres could have been fantasy. Except, for the most part, kids books are fantasies.

It's so easy to write the garden was beautiful with lots of colorful flowers. That's not what happened here. You described every color and flower so vividly, I imagined myself walking with Sandy. I really had to work though, trying to reconcile a living statue, who only picks people who do understand and appreciate. Kinda cool.

Oh, I have to interrupt myself here and remark on the relationship between the two sisters. You made me smile with the 'hide and seek' line, and also Sandy knowing exactly why her sister wanted to 'go for a walk.' lol. I've done the same, a billion years ago, of course.

It was easy to love the grandmother, and it reminded me of my grandsons' shock when they realized I had a name other than Nana.

Wow, my comments are all over the place. One often reads about an echoing voice, but I've never heard it described as sounding as if coming from inside a barrel. Clever.

Oh, and the Big Bird's little sister comment made me laugh. What a vivid image. I think I once owned a dress like that. How wonderful for the cherub to see her as a flower. What a miracle to be accepted by nature. That's how I commune with the world. Well, one way. I bet Sandy could communicate because her grandmother did. Excellent story arc.

Imaginative and vivid. You really stretched my brain. *Laugh* Thanks for the read.





New identity for SPR

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78
78
Review of Night and Day  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mara. Nixie here. I'm on an exploration for anniversary members I can't remember reviewing. So . . .

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Good grief, it's so obvious why this story won the coveted first place. The words made me hurt everywhere for different reasons. I don't have any friends, other than those I meet here. I had a friend, a lifetime ago, but I moved from Maine to Florida, and that was it. In the way back, there wasn't even an internet.

Using backstory can be a dangerous hole to fall into when writing. You pulled it off brilliantly. The difference between the two girls was shown in several different ways. No telling here! Excellent and vivid word choices added to the sad, engrossing read. It was refreshing to find a story with no mistakes. One I could enjoy (which really isn't the right word) without editing in my head.

Friends for life. What a gorgeous thought. To always have someone there. And it was a bit of a shock to find out that Jewel could appreciate and enjoy a simpler, less elegant life. Both girls were so alive on this page.

I never expected the terrible twist at the conclusion. The words are still running through my head. I had to read that last part three times over, merely to convince myself that my understanding was accurate.

The scenes painted here were perfectly set. If I wrote every passage that made me 'feel' the entire story would be copy/pasted here.

Outstanding write. Inspirational for a reviewer; thanks so much for the read. Here's to hoping your anniversary month is full of delight and joy.





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#1300305 by Maryann



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79
79
Review of Doggy Kisses  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nikola

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY (a little early) FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



When I think of doggie kisses, yuck comes to mind. (I'm a cat person.) But I could imagine a child's face lighting up while reading your poem. It's a heart breaker when a child is sad. They're not always easy to talk to.

I think it's great to have some sort of 'tradition' for these occasions. Kind of like a bedtime story. I would say, 'do you want me to read the Doggy Kisses poem to you?' (assuming there is a dog). I'd be prepared to buy a dog because your poem is so sweet, and if my child asked for a dog, well...I'm a sucker for kids.

Every emotion came through in your words, and the scene was easy to visualize. In my mind, the child was curled up in my lap, with the dog near by. My cat had to listen to every story read to my three children. It was a beautiful moment in my life.

The last two lines resonated with my feelings for doggy kisses. Ick, a wet face. And dogs' breath usually stinks. *Laugh*

It would be cool to see this written in a larger font. I had to squint a bit.

Also, how cool would this be if it were an illustrated poem. Kids would love it. And since the rhymes are simple and they flow, I bet it wouldn't be long before they could read it for themselves.

How about this for a closing? Since your anniversary isn't until the end of the year, I'm hoping my review might carry you all the way through.

Nice writing and a fun read.





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80
80
Review of Salvation  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Snow. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Overall Impression
I'm always filled with excitement when your write is the one up for review. I've never found fault in any item, and each addition of yours to the activity brings me mixed emotions, curiosity, or enlightenment. Sometimes all three!


Thoughts
I'm fascinated by a writer's take on a prompt. I guess for this prose, I would start off with emotions evoked. Right from the first stanza, desolation wept. The mood was established as dark and broody.

As I read, thoughts tumbled around in my head. Would this piece end with disaster? But I remembered the title and found my answer. You painted a conflicting scene of desperation and hope. Clearly, the scene is one of the ocean, but I could also imagine these thoughts in a person's mind. Words that resound with that person's mood. I think we all experience moments of darkness. If we're lucky, we do see a buoy of light promising safety. Maybe I meditate too much, and that's the source of my observations. *Facepalm*

Excellent alliteration (my favorite poetic device) showed up in the last stanza, third line. That phrase flowed through my mind. In fact, the entire piece had the same effect. You created a simple (yet complex) work using the prompted form.

In closing
Two things. Thanks for the author's note. You're wise to read newsletters, and in this particular piece, you included the link to a contest. Very cool.

And lastly, I've no idea how you included all the words in your prose. The words did lend themselves to this theme, but still...well done! (as always).


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81
81
Review of SYLLABLES  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jack. Nixie here. I'm so happy your entry was the one before mine! It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Well, you and I both know how tricky this contest is! Bleary eyes, indeed. I count on my fingers several times, but still resort to using a calculator, just to be sure.

Sometimes, the words flow, but I've definitely had times when my eyes burned from concentration.

Great job, personifying the actual contest name. I enjoyed reading your take on this, so similar to my own.

The punctuation guided the tempo and expressed the writer's frustration. I can see (you) lol sitting there squinting at the words and recounting the syllables.

The cover art was perfect for the poem. I especially liked the break in the letters. It emphasizes how hard we work to finalize that count.

I have to say it again. So funny how the poem speaks of the contest title. Thanks for the read!


My vulnerable side
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82
82
Review of Feat or Folly  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lovina 🐕‍🦺 I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Time traveling stories always fascinate me. This plot ran as expected. The travelers came back having never aged, and the families had long since moved on.

The first sentence puzzled me. Was Robert on a ship at sea? That's what I think of when I read 'porthole'.

I'm not a fan of backstory, and that's what the beginning sounded like. I understand it's essential to the story, so Robert can look back, creating the story arc. I would like the story more if it began at the beginning. Perhaps the sentence that begins with 'we interrupt this story' would sound more dramatic.

Now what had me puzzled were the probes. Were the probes coming back during those 30 missing years?

Nice ending. Robert's work had not been in vain. The story didn't 'wow' me, hence the rating.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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83
83
Review of A Paean to Summer  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Graham B. I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!


The story didn't exactly begin as back story, but it had the feeling of it. I'm not sure what 'casting the Truthspeaker' means. I'm guessing the sorcerer was a traveling man, and he's telling his story in a place like a tavern?

I wondered if the story could have been shortened, because the sentence beginning with 'After a year-long search' sounded much more interesting than what is written prior to this. Something to ponder.

I've never read a story like this before! The plot was rich with sounds and smells that brought the story to life. Excellent job. All writer's strive to accomplish what you have here.

Thanks again for entering the contest!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review of Know When to Fold  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Mastiff I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I'm not quite sure what happened here. The amount of going back and forth between the characters confused me. Maybe I need to learn more about how to play cards. Probably a card game such as this requires the amount of characters portrayed here.

Character descriptions came across loud and clear. I could see the action taking place, more of less. I like to see dialogue followed by action and then follow-up dialogue. Nicely done.

The stakes ran high and tension tightened when the computer only allowed Sean's input.

Paragraph spacing led to an ordered read, even if I experienced confusion.

I read this over several times and came to the conclusion that Sean created hell on earth.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Words Whirling 'Round . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Okay, well, I read this story a few times over the last few days and every time I end up laughing at the clever take. I certainly hope a genie doesn't ask me because I'd be clueless. And some genies count every question, even questions about what can be wished for as a wish.

My one problem was the multiple uses of punctuation, rather than showing an exuberant reaction, or exclamation. Take a peek and see how many exclamation marks you count. *Wink*

The switching of POV's was easy to follow, and I liked hearing the genie's thoughts, because who knows what genies are really thinking.

Nice twist at the conclusion, and as a woman, I had to laugh. Ha! Let the men know. Woven in, I appreciated the further explanation of how Diego forgot what actually happened and let his 'memories' fill in the blanks. That's what life is, anyhow, right? A dream.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review of Fame?  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Wonder Queen Sox I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Once the story began, it drew my interest. Remember to start at the beginning. Rather than write paragraphs about what happened in the past, it's possible to condense this to one paragraph and then launch into the story.

You can begin in the middle.
A car smashed into Cecilia's...you can choose a car that represents who she is. A Nova vs. his flashy display of a car.

Watch out for passive verbs and telling, rather than showing. Using dialogue helps a story move along.

Here's a tidbit that can help when you edit this. *Wink*
His attention was getting a little creepy.

Remember, less is more. And fiction is immediate.
Consider:
His attention creeped her out.

There were particularly sheep-like clouds floating across the sky at a pretty quick rate.
Consider:
Sheep-like clouds floated across the sky.

*Checkg* This is a fantastic line because the reader can relate to the smells, and 'see' the damage to the car.

The air smelled of spilled oil and antifreeze.

A condensed story would be more engaging. I related to Cecilia, and had the same feelings. I wonder why Sebastian was fixated on her?

A bit of polishing would help the story shine. *Smile*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Sumojo . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

The read was mostly predictable, with Harry's effort to own a dog thwarted time and again, for one reason or another.

Do you mind if I point out one thing that applies to the story? There's way too much telling going on here. Ask yourself what is important to the story> fir example, the paragraph about Fiona. Eliminating some words, a pared down sentence would read like this.
Harry married Fiona, the love of his life.

Some dialogue would work here. Harry can directly ask Fiona about the dog, rather than the reader being told what happened.

Watch out for passive verbs. Avoid distancing words like (decided).
Use action, not punctuation to show a character's reaction.

I admired Harry for finding a dog from the pound, rather than looking for a new pup. Ah, but the drawbacks. One never knows what the dog will be like. I can attest to that.

Gosh, poor Harry. Now what's he going to do with the dog?

The rating reflects the comments above. *Wink*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, jolanh . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

An interesting read, which would be stronger without the opening paragraphs. Since the POV is Hector's, how would he know about husbands and wives history? It's best to begin at the beginning.

Hector's a character of little needs, so unusual in America, and unexpected from a person living in a box or under the bridge. I bet many people would find a simpler life with less wants more pleasant. Although, I'm not sure about the homeless part.

Since the story is from Hector's POV, I'd skip the part about 'one would expect'. It distances the reader and really, Hector should be either thinking these words, or saying them out loud. An author wants to keep a reader enveloped in the dream.

The irony in the conclusion evaded me. Sorkvild's wish got him killed. Why would Hector want the same? Thanks for entering the contest. The rating reflects the comments above.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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89
89
Review of Winner  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I enjoyed reading this story. It's well-written, comical, and easy to relate to.

So...about the phone call. I read your bio and learned you're from the UK, which answered one of my questions. I've never heard the term 'engaged' used for a busy number. In America, we listen to a computerized voice and wait for 'our turn'. The music is awful, but why was classical music inappropriate for this occasion?

Sheree's personality came across loud and clear. I'll admit to falling in love with actors. (I think that's the point). No men like those in films exist in real life. Good job demonstrating Sheree's size.

I never expected what happened when she arrived at the restaurant, waiting for Fernando. As I read, I thought, of course that's what would happen.

Rather than using the same 'woman in pants' repetition, I wished there had been more description. I'm guessing she's the assistant. That's the only drawback, as reflected in the rating.

Excellent twist, if ironic, at the conclusion.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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90
90
Review of Madam President  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 

I have a lot of respect for this story. The first American woman POTUS. Dreams are made of this.

Overall, the story was well-written and followed a believable plot. The characters descriptions where short enough not to be boring, and just enough to create a visual.

Because of TV, I carried on with the image of the room and the car.

I appreciate the effort of the first woman president to find a non-conflicting solution to multiple problems. But she sounded incredibly naive, or unprepared.

The last part of the story was not believable. Too much, too overwhelming. Honestly, if Russia launched nukes against America, a president would return the favor. No time for discussions or lengthy solutions. And I googled for hours to see if SAMS could take out a nuclear bomb. Some SAMS have nuclear warheads, so the world would be dead when those two collided.

Thanks for entering the contest. The author has a pleasant writing style that helped make this a good read.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review of With My Own Money  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Thankful Sonali I AM WRITING! . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Your title drew my eye. It created an aura of mystique.

What a wonderful and educational story. The plot and characters engaged me as I read. As always, I enjoy reading your stories for the cultural education and the plot itself.

I did wonder why Vishnu's family received the extra special treatment. Gosh, the servants slept on the stairs.

Excellent build-up to the candy-buying scene. It was obvious Vishnu was making some kind of mistake buying the expensive chocolate. And then I was curious about why that candy was so disliked.

What a turn-around for the conclusion. A wonderful lesson is learned and I admired Vishnu's mom for her insight so the story ended on a happy note. She said exactly the right words.

Well done, and congratulations on the second place win!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review of Cooking Dinner  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.
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All reviews are generated from the random review option. Let the reviews begin!


Cute story and funny. Expectations from mother to daughter. What if the daughter wanted to be a rocket scientist? Obviously, the mom's assumption rankled her daughter. Adding in the word old-fashioned straightened out any doubt as to why a mom would make such a demand. And it started early in life, as I interpreted it.

Anyone who chooses cleaning the bathroom over learning to cook, really, seriously hates cooking. The stark contrast screamed the message.

I laughed reading this:
You’re welcome Nancy!

Do husbands still expect their wives to cook? What if they both work? What was the wife's name?

Excellent dollop of drama was added in by the ridiculous notion that the wife could replicate a restaurant meal. I would have started with burgers or hot dogs. It's those little details you added they keep the story going.

I've tried several reads, but I can't find a way for the [and] to make sense in this sentence. Hence, the docked 1/2 star.

... and I finally knew the answer.

Excellent and to the point conclusion. All aspects present for FLASH. Nicely done.



It was
Image #1837600 over display limit. -?-
to review your story.

~Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann


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93
93
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.

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All reviews are generated from the random review option. Let the reviews begin!


Hmm. What happened here? Words in sentences are missing. There's no spacing between sentences. If you so desire, email me and I'll point out the various problems.

Other than technical issues, this would be a great story for children. It loses impact without illustration, but visualizing it made me laugh. It's a total mystery as to why all this happened to Hannah. I was hoping for a twist, or some explanation.

I've had random kids point me out and tell their moms, 'she's a nice lady.'How that kid knew, or why he chose me, remains a mystery. So that could apply here, other than the fact that incident after incident occurs.

Descriptions were vivid with strong (mostly) strong verbs. The rescue of the cat really had me laughing. I clearly saw Hannah wiping away leaves (plural) (not leafs).

I wish this story could have a higher rating, but there's simply too many basic errors to overlook. Since you wrote this some time ago, maybe you'd prefer to forge ahead and make sure this doesn't happen again. If there's a reason for the errors that I didn't know about, I apologize.

Best of luck
~Nixie

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94
94
Review of Wiccan Ch. 8  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Piratess. I'm playing.

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All reviews are generated from the random review option. Let the reviews begin!


The problem with using random is that a reviewer can land anywhere in a person's portfolio. It's clearly stated at the top that this is chapter 8. I read it, and didn't pause to think how confused I would be by not beginning at the beginning.

And confused I was. I got all the characters' names mixed up, because Aisling's friends' names could have been used for a girl or a boy. (Of course by the end, I know who the guy was. *Pthb*

So, what can I offer after squinting to read this chapter? Firstly, I suggest a larger font for easier reading. (I use 3.5)

The beginning of anything works best if it starts with something being interrupted, rather than a person waking up late. Unless, that's tantamount to the plot. And that could very well be true.

Remember to show a person's feelings by identifying body language (clenched fists, confused expressions, picking at a napkin, biting fingers, you get the idea.) adding feeling in a sentence tag isn't the best option. It's a direct no-no.

The reader needs to be completely immersed in your dream world. Try to avoid adverbs, as they indicate a weak verb.

Here's one problem sentence.
Glancing at Bailey, Aisling realized that something was incredibly wrong.

What was Bailey's expression? (Eyes round? lips in a firm line, a furrowed brow? teeth clenched...) to name a few. Also the word (realize) pops up often, and it's a distancing word.

Fiction is immediate. In many places, dialogue would help get a writer out of this puzzle. For instance
Realizing that she must have slept through school, Aisling told the person knocking to come in.

Consider dialogue.

"Oh no. I overslept and missed school." or if you want to use internal dialogue
Oh no, I overslept and missed school.

This one definitely needs to be fixed or avoided in the future.
he whispered worriedly,
I'm not even sure what that means.

Some adverbs I noticed.
[really] didn't bother.

[presumably] Taylor had told...
"Taylor, you told Bailey."

Last example, so I don't overwhelm you.
The familiar tingling sensation [immediately] followed, along with a surge of electricity that flowed straight into his body.

You can skip that first part, and go right to
...a surge of electricity flowed into his body.

As you progress with the chapters, remember less is more. Be succinct. Use action, not passive verbs. Avoid filler words.

I'm not tattering your chapter to shreds. Rather, I wanted you to recognize pitfalls to avoid in the future. You have an interesting chapter here, that asks many questions of the reader. This helps propel them forward.

You can add links to the other chapters, making it a breeze to simply click and read (for example) chapter nine. And you can include links going back to Chapter seven, and so on.
Keep on writing. Don't ever give up! Especially after reading one review. And don't be afraid to ask for help. *Smile*

~Nixie


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95
95
Review of Outside the Box  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Pretty, pretty cover art, and an enticing brief description. You're off to a great start.

I really like surprise or twisted endings. And that's what happened when I reached the end. The girl in the story sounded so innocent. You were spot on to mention her age in the beginning. *Checkg*

I meditate every day, and I'm guessing this was what happened here. Opposite of this girl, thinking outside the box has brought me inspiration and wisdom. It's joyful to look beyond what's in front of us and imagine something different.

For this girl, her parents' message (that I totally disagreed with) thinking outside the box ended up being devastating. So, again, I wonder if this is happening in her head.

A few thoughts. This sentence can by pared down.
Remember, less is more.

I used to have parents before they died in a car accident to get groceries.

Consider:
[My parents died in a car accident.]
You have a decision to make. Does the fact that they were going grocery shopping add to the story? Does it make a difference?

But when they were alive, they always told me to never leave the box, for the world is a scary place, they said.

Two thoughts. ('always' is what we call a filler word, that adds nothing to the story.) Secondly, you don't need to add 'they said' at the end of the sentence. You already told us.

The overall impression of the work fascinated me, because I admired her bravery. When leaving the box the first time, she didn't give up. She tried again, to a disastrous conclusion. At that point, it sounded as if she's no longer in her head. You may want to clear up the confusion.

The concept of the experience leading her back to the beginning is an innovative one, in this story.

I did wonder why you wrote this line by line, and not in traditional story format. Maybe you wanted each line to have more impact. Your choice.

It's a good idea to fill out your bio and portfolio tab. It helps the reviewer. I hope you continue to 'play' here and reap the benefits. We're always excited when someone joins. We like to celebrate. So, a party hat for you. *Partyhatr*

You can click the link under my sig. It's one group among many. Maybe it's not for you, but take a look at some others. Make friends. Be happy.

Take good care of yourself,
~Nixie

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96
96
Review of Love Me  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm participating in this activity.

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First, welcome to WdC! You've found a haven to explore your feelings and expand your skills. Mostly, for me, this happens by writing for contests, but especially through reviewing.

I have a wonderful idea for you. Why not fill out your bio, or portfolio tab? Preferably both. Because with no input from you, I'd guess, by the innocence of this poem that you're quite young.

The stanzas have a pleasing lilt to them, each with a subtly different message. The rhymes work well, and keep the flow of the poem even. And you're correct, I'd prefer no promises, only actions to demonstrate love. I wouldn't expect a smooth ride, because that's not indicative of a true relationship.

This is a sweet message, but if you're upset because I deduced you're young, then you definitely need to give us some information. *Bigsmile* There's a difference between a new member who's never written vs. a new member who is seasoned.

I'm rating this a four because of the simplicity of the rhymes, even though I liked the message. Sometimes, thoughts pour from my brain to my fingers, and that's what this poem felt like to me. My suggestion would be to continue from here, and don't worry about editing this poem. (Unless you're so inclined.)

I like to tell new members how beneficial it is to review others, and the extra support you'll receive if you join a group. I belong to the one below, as you may gather. I have reliable friends there, who bring my joy, and prop me up when I'm falling.

Best of luck in all you do. Your presence is appreciated and celebrated. *Balloonb*

Warmest regards,
~Nixie

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97
97
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Your work, a light and comforting poem, encourages people to live for the day. With the bright message, hearts can be uplifted. Maybe even a few smiles or sighs of relief from readers will be elicited.

I respect this beautiful piece, even knowing it's not meant for me. Fear of (what?) drives my car. It's an empty, lonely feeling that keeps me tethered, afraid of a misstep, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of being me.

If I so choose, I can see my life as an unending storm. Maybe instead of "But after the storm,..." "But after any storm" works for me. Who has only one storm in their life? It's fraught with dangers and misleading information. Dissent and disillusion. Will a rainbow shine? It's a lovely thought.

The last stanza is especially poignant. 'December snowflake' created unique imagery, easy to appreciate and marvel over. The closing line, once more (it's repeated several times) we're reminded not to be afraid. And the message is reinforced with the repeated words from the first stanza.

It's obvious this poem came from the heart. People like me prefer to be alone, and weather storms with no expectation of the outcome. Life is what it is. Am I cynical? No, I'm practical.

Hugs and pats on the back for reaching out to others with your words. Maybe a little less repetition and more unique phrasing will make the poem gleam. Your choice, of course.

Welcome to WdC, Ms. Newbie. We have lots to offer a new writer, or any writer. I hope you find your time here as happy and rewarding as mine. See? I'm not all gloom and doom. Sometimes a rainbow glows. Especially if I win a contest. *Laugh*

My advice? Review as much as possible. It's amazing how it improves one's writing skills. Join a group and find instant camaraderie.

All the best,
~Nixie


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98
98
Review of My Son  
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jack. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Should we say synchronicity? Continuing to follow each other? This time, I even waited to see if someone else would post in the forum. I don't mind if you don't. *Smile*

A simple title and applicable cover art demonstrated the author's pride in his work.

I sit heartbroken after reading your poignant words. Why do they grow up so fast? For them, it takes forever. For a parent of grandparent, it happens faster than a goldfish circling its tank.

The excellent first stanza set the scene, exactly as it should. Immediately, the image came to mind and teased memories of my own experiences from my vault. Due to specific word choices, the cold felt real. Especially with the contrast of 'pale white' against 'bright red'.

As the stanzas flowed, the punctuation was consistent, guiding the reader as it set the pace. Words like 'races' and 'jumps' propel the poem into action.

It's remarkable that these simple words created such a strong reaction for me. I haven't seen snow since 2009, but the memories never fade. Mostly, I recall my own sledding experiences, the worst when someone's toboggan slammed into me, fracturing my tailbone. Ouch.

In your poem, the mood is quiet and gentle. The last line in the second stanza established (more or less, yet sufficiently) your son's age at the time of writing this. The sense of pride is heard not only in the words of the third stanza, but in an overall take-away. Merely the fact that you (the dad) are watching demonstrated your love.

My dad was stoic, but he was there for the ice-skating and skiing. His love was shown with action, since loving words just weren't spoken in that WW2 generation. At least in my family. No 'I love you' no kisses or hugs. But the love was palpable, if I could parse through all the bad stuff and suss it out.

In the last stanza, thinking about your son climbing up the hill, I remember my aching legs and huffing to catch my breath. Snow and winter. Both were magical, albeit down right freezing. In Maine, the temps went down to -20 degrees for weeks at a time. I still went to work wearing high heels, despite the frost and the snow.

Look at me, prattling on about myself. When that happens, the writer can take pride in knowing their words, or experiences, evoked emotion in the reader. Well done. *Smile*


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99
99
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Life's Journey" 
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Carly. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Smile*
What first caught my eye was the presentation. The middle lines are longer than the others, marking the moments of life expanding, or in your words "blossoms." The line below, using the word dimension, also enhanced the reading experience. Most likely because writing of other dimensions is a passion of mine.

*Think*
A bit of disappointment in the line "and the curtain drops". Cliches are familiar, and often serve in writing to make the write instantly relatable. A curtain dropping accomplished that. It sounded a little trite to me.

*Infinity*
Now a bit of my personal reaction. We have directly opposite concepts of life beginning and ending. Here goes. A life begins with a baby delivered from a warm, watery womb into the cold and clinical world. Hardly quiet solace. The middle, expanded lines echoed with agreement.

*Clock*
Time is a concept, and it's hard to get one's head around that fact and still demonstrate passage. Space moves, we don't. To take it one step further, the past only exists in our minds because we remember, and the future exists because we can imagine one. Now, if I ever figure out how to express that without the word time, I'll jump up and down. Nothing in this paragraph takes away the thunder of the message.

*Infinity*
In the last, time shows up again. I'm, not you, stuck with the same problem as described above. Ah, life would be much easier if I could, you know, figure it all out. I desperately hope our time is not a loop.

*Heart*
Even though memories are inaccurate, that's what people leave behind. I try to make remarkable memories. I seek out the audacious, which mostly eludes me. My legacy will probably be that 'wow, she was weird' because I never go with the flow. I fight.

*Questionb* Did you intentionally use the words 'of its own' and 'all its own' in lines 10 and 11?

*Gears*
More about mechanics. Punctuation in poems, at one time, had to be consistent. I'm happy that changed. Your punctuation was minimal. A period after the first four lines created a flowing read, as line after line followed logically. (One can witness the life of another.)

Interesting, the last two lines ended in periods. Was that intentional, to place emphasis one the conclusion? It makes more sense, to me, leaving no punctuation after the honoured, with the only the last line ending in a period. Especially since the two lines are directly related.

*Star*
The reason for the half-docked star? the rating was not a reflection of my opinion vs. yours. However, since I had such a strong reaction to the last two lines, the 1/2 star felt 'right'.

Nicely done!








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100
100
for entry "Body Like A Back Road" 
Review by Nixie 🦊
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Infinity* I've been thinking since yesterday how to review this entry. Nothing new has come to mind, but I don't want to delay the review any longer.

I like to 'know' the authors, because it helps me gain a deeper insight. The last personal information I recall about you is that you're a screenwriter. Reading your port tab answered all my questions. Except for one. Where did your burning desire for music come from?

I've read the blog challenge, so I know you satisfied the requirements. And since you made the guidelines...how could you miss something requested. *Laugh*

Music is poetry. Sometimes, when I start writing, songs come to mind, and I think, well, the lyric writers are the true poets. Some people like the music, the lyrics are what grab me. There's quite a bit to learn from them. Here's my favorite line from the song.

"I'm gonna take it slow just as fast as I can."

It gives a listener pause, as we're free to interpret as we choose. Like an oxymoron, the opposite words 'slow' and 'fast' in the same line attract me. I know there's a better way to phrase that, but it's all I have.

I've seen video clips showing Taylor Swift working out a song. She had one line of lyrics and a the beat she wanted to use. From there, she just kept going.

How your entry related to me? As gleaned from your writing, I, too, am frustrated by the repetition and singular subject matter. Yet I can't deny the irresistible tempos and the gentle ease of listening.

From the back halls in my mind, something I heard long ago sprang up. Paraphrased, since memories are unreliable, 'play a country song backwards and the guy's dog, truck, and wife will come back to him.'

The offense taken by Blake Shelton and Jason Aldean makes me think of Taylor Swift, again. For the life of me, I can't dream up the song in my mind, just the overall take on the lyrics. There will always be haters and people who judge. So, might as well do what you want. There's no escape. People are people.

I laughed at the replies from Shelton and Aldean.

A child of the '70's, I miss the intellectual lyrics of protest or social injustice. I remember high school! when we had to write an essay on the meaning of this phrase from the song Eleanor Rigby. "Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door". I don't remember figuring it out, but now I think, well, since we all have to wear masks, women no longer need to use makeup. Covid may bankrupt the companies who manufacture the products. *Laugh*

I really miss 'my' music. *sigh*

Sam Hunt? I confess to relaxing while playing and listening to the video. Repetitive, yes, but an easy listen.

Time to close this review. The entry is well-written (of course). I enjoyed my time here, both for the nostalgia on my part, and for the informational aspect of what you wrote. I bet you're as well-spoken, too. Oh, I agree with your conclusion. *Smile*

~Nixie



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