|Hi, Sum1 ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .
My Thoughts: I have never been a fan of the sci-fi genre, but after reading a great story earlier this week by another author, and now this great story, I'm beginning to come around.
When I saw the length of the Prologue and Chapter One, I was going to read a little and come back later and read a little more, but I couldn't force myself to stop. I was immediately drawn in by the Prologue, wondering where Jon had been and what had happened to him. You did a great job of describing the characters and the scene, and I could easily picture what was taking place.
When I got to Chapter One, I was a little miffed that Jon had disappeared to be replaced by Mack and we had gone from the clinical environment to a farm, but Mack's tale was so interesting, I had to read on. Again, great descriptions of the characters and scenes. And you wrapped everything up nicely and answered my lingering questions at the end of Chapter One.
The story held my interest throughout and was anything but boring. I was anxious to read on, and I'm glad I did. I couldn't help but wonder why the aliens didn't appear to Mack before he involved the Sheriff and the Army to avoid the newsflash and the speculation...Maybe something to think about.
My Suggestions: In the last paragraph of the Prologue, there seems to be a pattern of "slowly...recounted". I suggest changing one "slowly" and one "recounted" to different words to avoid unnecessary repetition.
In Chapter One, the paragraph beginning, "Mack's worn features reflected...", there are too many instances of the word "this" in that paragraph. I suggest an edit to remedy this.
When Jean is introduced to the story, her brown curls hung loosely about her face (good description, by the way). Yet, a few paragraphs later, a yellow ribbon was holding her brown curls out of her face. I suggest editing to clarify how she was wearing her hair.
"...collect the debris and put it in the back of their truck."
Overall: To summarize, I loved the Prologue and Chapter One and will be moving forward with the rest of the story soon. I must warn you that I'll be pushing you to complete the story after I have read the next chapter, because I don't want to be left hanging. Thank you for letting me know about this story. I really enjoyed the read.