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126
126
Review of A Story For You  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Triv ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less. I must say that you did a great job.

You made excellent use of the sentence prompt. Horror is my favorite genre, and you did the genre justice with this little tale. First person narrative worked well for this piece, and I was almost feeling sorry for the narrator until the revelation of how he had treated his dog. I was wondering how no living person could have known the dog until that revelation.

The ending was perfect. I love twisted little tales with a bit of a cliffhanger ending, and this one was right up my alley!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First and foremost, I would suggest that you add more genres to the story. Yes, it's a contest entry, but it's also dark, horror, suspense. Adding to the genres will likely result in more views.

There were a few sticking points for me in the story. How could the narrator tell the man was in his mid-twenties since he only saw him in the dark room? Also, I would imagine that the narrator would notice that he was chained to the wall by his neck before he worried about the ropes binding his hands.

Since there is a limit of 300 words, you have to make every word count. In that regard I noticed a few unnecessary words. For instance, in this sentence: "All I remembered was me sitting at home with a beer and in front of the TV.", the red words could be omitted without changing the story at all.

I suggest a word change in this sentence: "The door creaked and bright light illuminated my prison for a brief flash and the darkness returned." to "The door creaked and bright light illuminated my prison for a brief flash before the darkness returned."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This was a good story that could be even better after a quick edit. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Superpower image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
127
127
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because the title interested me, and I wanted to see how the girl silenced the voices. I'm glad I did! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here. You smoothly transitioned over a period of years, yet the story was complete and flowed well. Good job!

You managed to convey a positive message about constructive criticism, which is particularly relevant on a site such as this. It's important to remember that constructive reviews can make an author's writing better while it still remains the work of the author. Even without being given her name, it was easy to empathize with the little girl. The story left me with a positive feeling as I'm sure you intended.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest capitalizing the word "voices" in the title to make the story look more professional. Due to the lack of capitalization, I didn't expect such a terrific story.

In the third paragraph, "any more" should be changed to "anymore".

In the fourth paragraph, "it's flaws" should be "its flaws". It's is a contraction for "it is" and is not to be used to show possession.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this sweet, inspirational story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
128
128
Review of Don-Caram  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because horror is my favorite genre, and I was intrigued by the title and description. I wasn't disappointed. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, and you did a good job here.

I was immediately drawn in, because I had never heard of Don-Caram even though the narrator thought I should have. The description of the man created an eerie atmosphere, and I have seen the little overlooked and unwanted toys on store shelves like you described.

The ending was a bit of a surprise and added to the story's mystique. You did a great job of creating a lasting impression with such a short piece.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed an error in the last sentence of the story. It should be, I am running out of test subjects."

You have a good idea here with this Don-Caram character, and I'd love to read a more in-depth story about him. What does he do with his test subjects? Why does he make the toys? Are the two related? I suggest that you write more about him!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It was a pleasure to read and review this short story, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
129
129
Review of Gift for Natalie  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I looked in your port for something to review that didn't have an award, but it was nearly impossible. *Laugh* The title of this story and its description caught my eye and, as horror is my favorite genre, I couldn't resist. I made a great choice! This story is excellent! You created a masterpiece with the sentence prompt, and I imagine you won the contest.

You immediately captured my attention with the scene at work, and I couldn't imagine why Natalie wouldn't appreciate such a thoughtful gift. When you mentioned her neighborhood shortly thereafter, I was confused. Why didn't this married couple live together? You quickly answered that question in a perfect way! Also, the way you switched from past to present tense during this part of the story intensified the emotion and kept me on the edge of my seat.

The ending was perfect and, despite the tension leading up to it, I couldn't help but chuckle. You have a terrific writing style, and I enjoyed every word of this short story. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: It's hard to make suggestions for such a perfect story, but I have to offer something. *Laugh* In the fifth paragraph, when the boss is talking about her husband, I suggest italicizing the word "Your" to stress the way the boss is saying it. "Your husband?" It just seems like she would be saying it that way. I also wondered what type of job Paul had, but I know that's not relevant.

A few paragraphs later, I stumbled a little with "I grabbed the bouquet off of my bed and held them..." since a bouquet is a singular item. I would suggest changing it to "I grabbed the bouquet off my bed and held it…" or "I grabbed the bouquet off my bed and held the flowers…"


*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall:It was a pleasure reading and reviewing this short, dark story, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
130
130
Review of The Hitchhiker  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction (both reading and writing), and I know how difficult it can be to writing a meaningful story with a limited word count, especially with the use of prompt words. You made it seem effortless. You wrote a realistic, interesting story, and the prompt words fit right in. Good job!

As I am also a fan of the thriller genre, I just had to check this story out. I'm glad I did! The title was appropriate and made me want to read the story. Although the tale didn't turn out to be dark, there was that possibility that it could have been, and that made it better. The character descriptions were adequate for such a short piece, and I liked the way you always referred to McNerny by last name. It added a bit more mystery to the piece.

The ending was great, and the conflict was resolved. I imagine that you won the contest with this little jewel.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I saw no issues with grammar, spelling and punctuation. The story flowed smoothly and held my interest throughout.

Since you had the 300 word limit, I would suggest that you reconsider having two different sentences near the end of the story informing the reader that the gun was small. With such a stringent word limit, you have to make every word count and, since you already established that the gun was small in the first sentence of that paragraph, there was no need to repeat it a few sentences later.

Also, I would suggest changing the description to tell a bit more about the story to help draw more readers. You could put a note at the beginning or end of the story itself to inform the reader that it was written for a contest with the 3 prompt words.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I can't believe I was the first to rate this well-written story! It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
131
131
Review of One Last  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Although it was very short, this poem adequately described the reasoning of a person with alcohol addiction. The title was appropriate and catchy, and it's actually what led me to read and review this piece. I had to find out one last what? I thought the poem would have something to do with relationship issues, and I was pleasantly surprised.

I would normally have an issue with the lack of punctuation, but due to the brevity of the poem, it worked here. I loved the line "One last drink to rehydrate my denial." Although I have never suffered from alcohol addiction, I have known a few who have, and this poem and that particular line perfectly described them. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that this poem has been posted for several years but has only received a few ratings. I think you may be able to draw more attention to it by changing the description you have posted. It isn't really necessary to ask readers to read and review in the description as we tend to do that anyway. I would suggest letting the reader know that the poem relates to alcohol addiction.

Also, you have the genre listed as "other". Maybe you could attract more readers by choosing a few different genres. How about emotional? Drama? Even personal? When looking for something to read and review, people often look for things they can relate to. Mentioning alcohol in the description and choosing more genres could make the poem show up in more searches.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Although I don't often read poetry, I really enjoyed this poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
132
132
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I was intrigued by the description. And I must say you met your objective. I am a big fan of the horror genre, and you adequately set a nice little horror scene, even if it was just the narrator's imagination.

I liked the way you began the story with the question about directions on a shampoo bottle. I'm sure many readers can relate to this, as I have often questioned the necessity of those directions myself.

At the end of the first paragraph, you relate being especially crazy to always locking the door. I couldn't make this connection. I would think it crazy not to always lock the door, especially with the potential for intruders. Still, I enjoyed the story, especially the narrator's quickly increasing departure from reality. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest doing a thorough edit of the story to correct spelling errors. For instance, in the last paragraph, the words shriek and ceiling are spelled incorrectly. Also, "the ceiling is moving downward."

"..three years in counting..." should be "...three years and counting..."

In the last paragraph, " I reach for the knob to lock the door, but as my feet try to move they are glued to the floor." If you're already reaching for the knob, why would moving your feet be necessary? Also, why isn't the door already locked since you were so adamant in the first paragraph that you always lock the doors?

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a good story that I think could be even better if you take my questions/suggestions into consideration. Regardless, I enjoyed the read!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
133
133
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Wow. Horror is my favorite genre, and you did an excellent job with this short story. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful horror story using few words, but you made it seem effortless.

The title of the story grabbed my attention, and just a few sentences in, I decided the story was chilling, haunting. First person narrative worked well for this piece. I was immediately drawn in, and I remained on the edge of my seat throughout. Although I expected a horrific ending, I was still taken by surprise.

I see the story was a contest entry, and I can't imagine that it didn't win. You could write an entire series of stories about this character, and I would read every one of them. *Laugh*

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that you indented every paragraph except for the first one. Was there a specific reason for this? I would suggest indenting it.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, a comma should be inserted between "me" and "what".

In the sixth paragraph, you write, "It must have been drugs that brought her to this." And I assume you are referring to what the man is thinking. I stumbled over that part. I would either italicize that sentence to indicate it's not the narrator's words or say something like, "You think it must have been drugs that brought me to this."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific story in my favorite genre. It was a pleasure to read and review. I love your writing style, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
134
134
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sum1 ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I have never been a fan of the sci-fi genre, but after reading a great story earlier this week by another author, and now this great story, I'm beginning to come around.

When I saw the length of the Prologue and Chapter One, I was going to read a little and come back later and read a little more, but I couldn't force myself to stop. I was immediately drawn in by the Prologue, wondering where Jon had been and what had happened to him. You did a great job of describing the characters and the scene, and I could easily picture what was taking place.

When I got to Chapter One, I was a little miffed that Jon had disappeared to be replaced by Mack and we had gone from the clinical environment to a farm, but Mack's tale was so interesting, I had to read on. Again, great descriptions of the characters and scenes. And you wrapped everything up nicely and answered my lingering questions at the end of Chapter One.

The story held my interest throughout and was anything but boring. I was anxious to read on, and I'm glad I did. I couldn't help but wonder why the aliens didn't appear to Mack before he involved the Sheriff and the Army to avoid the newsflash and the speculation...Maybe something to think about.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the last paragraph of the Prologue, there seems to be a pattern of "slowly...recounted". I suggest changing one "slowly" and one "recounted" to different words to avoid unnecessary repetition.

In Chapter One, the paragraph beginning, "Mack's worn features reflected...", there are too many instances of the word "this" in that paragraph. I suggest an edit to remedy this.

When Jean is introduced to the story, her brown curls hung loosely about her face (good description, by the way). Yet, a few paragraphs later, a yellow ribbon was holding her brown curls out of her face. I suggest editing to clarify how she was wearing her hair.

"...collect the debris and put it in the back of their truck."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: To summarize, I loved the Prologue and Chapter One and will be moving forward with the rest of the story soon. I must warn you that I'll be pushing you to complete the story after I have read the next chapter, because I don't want to be left hanging. Thank you for letting me know about this story. I really enjoyed the read.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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135
135
Review of WhataLand  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! I dropped by, because you mentioned this group in a review you sent me, so I had to check it out. This is terrific!! I added the site to favorites, and I'll be sure to mention it when I do newbie reviews. I'm sure we can all learn something from this, but I would have loved to have found a place like this when I first joined the site!
136
136
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, RICH ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Thank you for pointing me to this humorous little story. It's just what I needed to get me chuckling first thing this morning.

The title worked well for the story, and I also enjoyed your narration style. You draw the reader in, promising to explain how BBQ came to be, and you proceed to do just that. The story held my interest throughout, and the ending was perfect.

I'd love to see more of the adventures of UG and OG. I think you could write several funny little stories with these characters, and I'd be reading all of them. Maybe you could even tell a story about the goat (hint, hint).

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: Near the end of the introduction, I would change "non-the-less" to "nonetheless".

In part II of the story, I would change "potroast" to "pot roast".

I also have a question. Was the narrator one of UG and OG's kids? It seems that way, because the narrator wasn't able to tell what happened when the kids had to cover their ears. Maybe you could elaborate to make that a bit clearer?

When Berry beer is first mentioned, it is written as two words. Later in the story, it's written a few times as one word (Berrybear). I suggest editing to refer to it the same throughout.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Even through I have communicated with you in scroll numerous times, I was pleasantly surprised that your humor extends to your writing style. It was a pleasure reading and reviewing this story, and I look forward to reading more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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137
137
Review of imagination  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to review this piece to help celebrate your 1 year anniversary. I see you wrote it the day you became a member of the site and haven't had any reviews. I'm here to change that.

This is an interesting, thought provoking piece, but due to the numerous errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation, the piece doesn't have the intended effect. Despite the errors, I think you have some good ideas and legitimate questions. I especially like the way you differentiate between thought and imagination and explain to the reader how the two are so intertwined.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My first suggestion is to capitalize the title. This would make the writing seem more professional and would likely lead to more reviews. The word {c}benefits is spelled incorrectly in the description. Again, a lot of readers are put off by spelling errors in the description and will not bother to read the piece.

Throughout the piece, you didn't capitalize "I". I suggest doing so. At 1 point, you wrote "?" instead of writing the word "question". While I understand that you were likely in a hurry to get your thoughts on paper, after you do so, it is important to edit so your reader will see the best of your work.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is in interesting piece that would be so much better after a thorough edit. While I didn't list all of the suggested edits in this review, feel free to send me an email should you decide to edit this piece, and I would be glad to help. Thanks for sharing your work. I look forward to seeing more work in your port soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
138
138
Review of The Dance Of Dis  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Angus The Red Nosed Gargoyle ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I read this poem in the tune of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. It worked for it. Anyway, I digress. I love your writing, but I'm not a big fan of poetry, mostly because it intimidates me. I must say, though, that I really enjoyed this one. The poem had the dark theme that is usually evident in your writing and, although it was relatively tame, it still left me with feeling of foreboding.

The poem flowed well, and the definition you placed at the end was especially helpful. I could easily imagine the scene as you described it.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the fifth verse, you used "a place" at the end of one line and the beginning of the next. Although it worked well for the rhythm of the poem, I would have liked to have seen more variety? I'm not sure that's the word I'm looking for, but I'm sure you get the idea. I suggest that you consider changing it to "They come once a year, from a place..." That would also explain how often it happens. The description mentions their one night of freedom, so maybe it's annually?

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: As always, it was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. I rarely review poetry, but I couldn't resist in this instance.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


My beautiful PR Ornament Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
139
139
Review of The Consequences  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I was intrigued by the title of this story, and I'm glad I checked it out! You told a complete, interesting story using few words, and I know from experience how difficult that can be. Good job!

The two scenes were perfect for the story. I was immediately drawn in by the plight of the narrator and quickly learned of the transgression that led him to the deserted room. Before I had a chance to recover from the shock of what happened, I was in the mortuary. The plot was interesting and held my attention.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: The story begins with the narrator repeating some things the masked figure had relayed to him. We soon find out the masked figure is his wife. So, my big question is why didn't he recognize his wife's voice when she told him these things?

In the sixth paragraph, beginning, "My wife is trying..." the quotation marks aren't needed. The narrator his having these thoughts, not speaking them to someone.

I also think the transition from the room to the mortuary could have happened more smoothly - maybe a few ~~~ in the center of the page before beginning that part of the story to indicate the transition.
*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this dark little story. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. If you haven't taken part in "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge, I think you should give it a try. These types of stories are exactly what they're looking for.

I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
140
140
Review of The Comma  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I was drawn in by the title of this story, and I couldn't wait to see how a comma (maybe misplaced or omitted) resulted in the end of a relationship. I wasn't disappointed! You have written a complete, terrific story, using less than 300 words. I know from experience how difficult that can be, and you made every word count. You made it seem effortless.

The dialogue worked well for this piece, and you didn't waste space with words that didn't add something to the story. I could easily imagine the scene as you described: employees at the end of the work day, done with the day's work and ready to leave, but not before they talk to/tease each other.

The scene between Stacy and Phil at the end was perfect, and I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I know you were at the end of your word limit, and the story is great as-is. However, if you ever decide to expand this piece, I would love to read more about the comma incident that started it all; maybe dive deeper into the background of the characters to tell the story of the frustration that led to Stacy breaking point coinciding with a punctuation error by Phil.

Grammar, spelling and punctuation were flawless, by the way.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this humorous little story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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141
141
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because the title and description drew me in. I'm glad I did. This short story packed quite a punch. It held my interest throughout, and I could easily imagine that most aspects of the story could actually happen. I alternated at being a bit horrified that something like the story could actually happen and humored by the way it was written.

I'm still undecided about whether or not I like the narratives written in blue. On one hand, it certainly adds to the humor of the story. On the other, I think it detracts from the story's impact. Regardless, I really enjoyed reading it and lean toward thinking the blue narratives should remain in the story.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the second sentence of the sixth paragraph, "then when" should be changed to "then went".

I couldn't help but wonder why Cravis didn't get Student of the Month. After all, he was still alive, and he had already been promised before the accident. Yeah, I know, I'm focusing on unimportant details, but it stuck in my mind.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It was a pleasure to read and review this story. I truly enjoyed your unique writing style and look forward to reading more of your work!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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142
142
Review of Smoke Screen  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece, because I know how difficult it can be to stop smoking, so I was anxious to read a flash fiction piece about the experience. I particularly enjoy flash fiction because of the difficulty of writing a meaningful story using 500 words or less. You did a great job here.

The title was interesting, and the story immediately captured my full attention. The interaction between the husband and wife was a good choice for the story, and it gave the reader adequate information about the two characters. I could easily relate to Bill's difficulty and need to sneak a cigarette every so often.

Janice's little bombshell about the security webcam was a great ending for the story. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First I would suggest taking advantage of the ability to list three genres for the story and add two other possibilities to attract more readers. I would suggest comedy and possibly relationship?

In the fifth paragraph, you forgot the closing quotation marks following Janice's question.

I suggest breaking down the sentence beginning, "The first couple of days..." into 2 separate sentences. As it is, it's extremely long and a bit of a run-on sentence. I believe the story would read more fluidly with that edit.

In such a short story, there were a lot of instances of he said/she said, he asked/she asked, he replied/she replied. I suggest doing an edit to avoid that redundancy. For example, rather than "Would you care to make that interesting? Janice asked with a grin," you could say Janice grinned at him slyly. "Would you care to make that interesting?"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a very good, humorous story that could be even better after a quick edit. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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143
143
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Angus The Red Nosed Gargoyle ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: When I saw that you had written something new, I had to rush to read it. I'm glad I did! As you know, I love your writing style. Whether it's a horror story or a satirical piece, I'm never disappointed. Using less than 300 words, you created a complete story with a rather original plot and a great twist at the end. You used the 3 prompt words brilliantly!

You immediately set the scene, and I could easily picture the events taking place as I read. Even though you posted that it wasn't a horror story, I started to wonder. And then came the twist. I love writing and reading these types of stories, and this one ended perfectly. I even chuckled at the ending. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: You have already proven that you can write a spectacular story in any genre, so my first suggestion is keep it up!

In the second sentence, you wrote "...he could he hear..." The second "he" should be omitted. I know it's often hard to notice errors such as this when you edit your work, because you're reading it as you expect it to be.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: As always, it was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. I wish you luck in the contest and can't wait to see more from you!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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144
144
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I stopped by your port, because it's your account anniversary, and I wanted to celebrate with a review. I noticed that most of your writing tends to be about vampires. I was pleased, because I like reading the fantasy/gothic genre.

I chose this particular story, because I found the title intriguing. I was anxious to read about a moonlight encounter. I like the way you wrote the story in first person narrative. I think it makes it more eerie to read the story from a vampire's point of view.

Although the story is short, I found it to be complete and interesting. Your descriptive writing made it easy to imagine the scene as it unfolded. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I found the story a bit hard to read because of the numerous spelling and grammatical errors. While I don't want to go into great detail, I will give you a few examples:

There's no period after the first sentence. In the second sentence, "a women" should be "a woman". You're speaking of only one woman.

A little later, "my breathe stroked" should be "my breath stroked". Later in that sentence (which is a run-on sentence), "them self's" should be "themselves".

I would also suggest that you break the story into paragraphs to make it easier to follow as well as more visually appealing to the reader.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to edit and would like to further discuss the errors I spotted, please feel free to email me. The story has a lot of potential, and I enjoyed reading it.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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145
145
Review of Doggy Door  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, John Yossarian ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I was intrigued by the title of this story, and I'm glad I checked it out! I thought it was terrific! I often tell myself I'm not a fan of the sci-fi genre, but stories such as yours tend to make me change my mind.

I was hooked from the first few paragraphs. I mean, who could resist a scene with a clueless husband and two dogs? The story held my interest throughout and had me on the edge of my seat, anxious to figure out what was gong on with the blob dog. As I read, I kept thinking that I might just be willing to crawl through the Doggy Door given the opportunity. *Laugh*

The story ended perfectly, and I was easily able to imagine the scene with the now cautious wife and the 2 forlorn dogs curled up at the door, missing their friend. I loved the story from beginning to end!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I wondered as I read (and after I finished reading) why Wayne didn't check the doggy door after he installed it. Surely, he would notice that the other side was solid. And how were the dogs finally able to get back in through the solid door? Maybe I wouldn't have these questions if I read more in the sci-fi genre.

In the sentence that starts, "With kids and dogs that either meant trouble or sleep..." I suggest inserting a comma after dogs. Without the pause that the comma creates, the sentence has somewhat of a different meaning, and I don't think that's what you intended.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this great short story. The plot was interesting and original, and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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146
146
Review of Black Ice  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Rory Mels Tims ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I found this little gem by clicking on the random review tool, and I'm glad I did! Although short, the story is complete and very interesting and well written. At first, I thought the narrator was with his teacher from school, but I learned differently rather quickly. I was immediately intrigued when I learned what was under the ice, and I was captivated throughout.

First person narration worked well for this piece, and even though I had been forewarned how the story would end, I was still somewhat surprised. I loved being surprised at the end of the story. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 500 words or less, but you made it seem effortless. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest putting a small description of the story in the space provided on the edit screen. That could lead to more readers. So could listing the genre of the story. I would suggest death and dark as genres.

First, I have a question: why did the acid only cause a stain on the shirt? I suggest that you reconsider this part, as it caused the knife to slightly disintegrate and destroyed your skin later in the story.

About halfway into the story you have written, "only the black endless and ice and white endless sky...". I believe the 'and' I have colored red should be omitted.

Near the end of the story, I believe "died purple-black" should be "dyed purple-black." In the next sentence I believe you mean "black tears instead of "back tears".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I really enjoyed this terrific story that could be even better after a quick edit. I see that you have only been on WDC for a short period of time. I'm excited to welcome a great new writer. I'm sure you'll love it here. If there's anything I can do to help you navigate the site or answer questions, please let me know. It was a pleasure reviewing your work, and I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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147
147
Review of I Killed Grandma  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I am a sucker for dark comedy as well as a stickler for punctuation, so this little gem was calling my name. I loved it. In a very short piece, you managed to tell a complete story, bestow a valuable lesson and make me laugh. I especially like the way you told the story in a somewhat relaxed way that immediately drew me in and had me anxious to see what would happen.

The ending was brilliant, further engaging the reader. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you did a terrific job with this one. That little dose of humor was exactly what I needed on a Friday afternoon.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I stumbled on the first sentence of the second paragraph. I believe it would read more smoothly if you break it down into 2 different sentences. I was also confused as to why you used the word "but" instead of "and". I would write it something like this:

You see, my family was hard of hearing, and after three years away, I had forgotten all my sign language. As a result, we were forced to resort to using a whiteboard and a marker.

It's essentially the same, but it doesn't seem as much like a run-on sentence anymore.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I love your writing style and the way you turned a little lesson in punctuation into a humorous story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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148
148
Review of Never Again  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because of it's title, and I wasn't disappointed. I have written many stories of this type, and it was a pleasure reading one from a fellow author. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less, but you did an excellent job here.

Now that the contest you entered the story in is over, this would be a great story to expand, telling of the events in Jessie and Stephen's relationship that finally led her to take such drastic measures. You could also expand on the scene itself as well as letting us in on what happened to Jess afterward. I know that's a tall order, but I love this type of story, and I think it would be great if you expanded it!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: Currently, you have the story's genre listed as "Contest Entry, Women's, Other". I believe changing "Other" to "Dark" or even "Relationship" may result in the story getting more views and reviews.

In the story description, "A women..." should be changed to "A woman since you're only talking about one woman.

When you're describing the dirty sweat running down her cheeks in the first paragraph, maybe you could change it to sweat mixed with blood or something similar to give the first hint of the darkness of the story and better set the tone.

Also, even though the story takes place outside, I couldn't help but wonder how the police learned of the situation so quickly.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I love this type of story, and you did a great job with yours. I enjoyed the read, and it was an honor to review it. I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
149
149
Review of Bad Valentine  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece, because the title drew me in. I wasn't in the mood for a sweet love story today, so this was right up my alley. I especially like the way you switched colors to differentiate between the speakers.

I'm sure many of us can relate to this piece...the ex that just won't go away. You captured that perfectly here. And the growing frustration of the speaker being pursued was spot-on. Even though the dialogue was short, it was to the point and adequate. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My suggestions are going to contradict, so bear with me. I would have been more likely to check out this piece if the description had given more of a hint as to its content. For example, "The Valentine that won't go away, written for the Dialogue 500..."

I noticed as I read that the responses written in red appeared to be messages on conversation hearts candy. If the reader didn't notice that, some of the responses would appear a bit unusual. So, alternatively, I would suggest making that clear in the description. "Conversation using quotes from conversation hearts, written for the..."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this easily relatable, humorous piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was an honor to review your work. I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
150
150
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, writerfromheart ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Normally, I shy away from reviewing poetry, but in this instance, I couldn't resist. As my father recently passed away, I could relate to this emotional poem all too well. You did a terrific job of characterizing your feelings, that deep hole in your heart, when missing your father during the holidays. Although short, the poem was packed with emotion. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: The way the poem was punctuated was a bit confusing for me. You used question marks but very few commas and no periods. I believe the poem would read more fluidly if you edited to add commas and periods or even semicolons in certain instances.

In the third verse, you are referring to more than one Christmas; I would suggest changing the word to Christmases.

In the last verse, I kept wanting to read the third line as "...happy in your arms" rather than "happy with your arms". I would suggest you think of making that change. Of course, that's just my opinion.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a very good poem that would be even better after a few quick revisions. It was easy for me to relate to and sympathize with you. I see from your port that you just joined in October, and you're already off to a fantastic start. If there's ever anything I can do to help you along, please don't hesitate to let me know.

I look forward to seeing much more of your writing!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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