*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/peterson4279/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18
Review Requests: OFF
6,332 Public Reviews Given
6,332 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 14 15 16 17 -18- 19 20 21 22 23 ... Next
426
426
Review of Rain Check  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello K.H., I enjoyed your use of the pocket of seeds as a metaphor. We have the seeds and yet unless we do something with them they are left dormant and in a manner of speaking we are left behind. I consider the importance of relationships and growth. They can only happen if we let go to discover what is really inside. Thanks for sharing. Well done. God bless
427
427
Review of idk 4  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello Rebecca, I am guessing that you have a lot to say and that you fully understand what you are wanting to say. As a reader I have a hard time entering into the place in which you write.
1. I start reading and I feel lead to explore and abduction theme.
2. I start reading the next paragraph and feel lead to sort through what a birthday, go away party is.
3. There is the actual party and a lot is going on. Words are misspelt for example muscles vs. musical chairs.

I suggest you have someone else read it and then focus one idea that you want me as the reader to understand.
thanks
428
428
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Eden, it does come across as something worth looking at. The title and first chapter are good enticers. I think of the hero of the Christian faith who died on a cross and after that I look at the whole idea of rebirth which speaks to me of resurrection.

The descriptions are ethereal. I want to know more about what is going on. I think it would help to have an introduction mapping out who the characters and place(s) are. I feel like I have to work hard to catch up even if I go to the Http site.

thanks for sharing
429
429
Review of A Soul's Growth  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Fiction Diva, well said. I enjoy how you take all the senses to bring us near to the heart of what soul is all about. It is something very mysterious and elusive and yet at the same time akin to the joy that we can experience on any given day. Sometimes words are not as important as the experience of knowing that one has a soul worth wanting to know.
God bless!!
430
430
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sum 1, I was deeply touched by your poetic offering. I think too often we forget about fire truck upon which people risk their lives in order that we can be safe in a world that is on the brink of being on fire. The rhyme offers a deep abiding reason for staying in touch with symbols that matter. The fire truck is one of them. God bless!!
431
431
Review of REVENGE  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Audrey, I love the story line and mystery. I would love to get to know the woman at the bar-I feel drawn into that space. I also want to know more about the various characters and especially how Victoria actually died. The ending left me wondering about what kind of man James was. It is a dark tale that draws me in and at the same time empties me, because I do not know how to fill in the blanks. You story has a great deal of potential. I need to know more and look forward to knowing more. The format is a bit distracting. It might improve with more spacing. It seems all crowded into together.
God bless you in your writing pursuits. Thanks for sharing your gift. It will only get better.
432
432
Review of What Happened?  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Elisa, what you write is so true and sobering at the same time. You are a prophet in the sense you help people look at what is going on and challenge them to be accountable. There will always be a consequence in aligning oneself with a prosperity and power at all costs disposition. In refusing compromise people discover that they are uncompromisingly cold and distant. I pray for the day people will recover the need to dialogue and celebrate compromise that can unite and thrive. The word compromise speaks about being "with promise". How can we get to the promised land if we can not compromise? Well written, thanks for sharing.
God bless!!
433
433
Review of Lynaria  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ashle 1, I love the magical wonderland lilt. The descriptions of the elements are such that I want to be there to experience what will happen when Lynaria meets the wolves. It is a place that I want to be and in a manner of speaking reflect in my own dealings with people and the wolves of the world. Thanks for sharing.
especially like the vision of blue eyes like oceans, like two jewels. It makes me be thankful for my own blue eyes.
God bless!!
434
434
Review of Hey  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mason, I will never again breathe the same. It was a very entertaining thoughtful piece. I begin and awake each day with a breath and at the end I take a breath as I enter into the water of eternity. I am the one you single out wondering if anything good will come out of the keys that are danced and pranced upon. Wake up!!
Thanks and may you breathe well and know the inspiration that can make a soul whole.
435
435
Review of Black Monday Moon  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Fivesixer, at first glance I am caught in the spiraling out of control world of someone who can not sleep. As I go forward I see a deeper message about choosing to wake up to a new week, which is made harder by not wanting to sleep at all. I liked most the part about dreams that never come true. (therefore why bother sleeping).
Impressions/thoughts: I liked the depth of feeling near the end. There are eyelid skies, dust in the eyes (an allusion to wanting a sandman to come) and the clouds circling another black Monday. I have been fighting to sleep of late. Maybe somewhere in the midst of your writing there is an invitation to awaken to new hope.

thanks for sharing.
God bless
436
436
Review of playing with fire  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello sundog, I think your story has potential. The greatest strength it offers is a story that can give others a vision. The main character has a bed wetting problem and yet in seeing the mountain of a man Glen had become gave hope.

Impressions and thoughts: I think I would not be helping to point out grammar issues. It appears that the message is more important than how it gets communicated to others. I would encourage you getting feedback from others about what you are wanting to say. This may help you to see where you communicate well and where you need to work. One example is figuring out what playing fire has to do with bed wetting. I think it may be true, yet I need more information.
thanks for sharing. Keep writing. I am very sure you have a lot of good to share.
God bless
437
437
Review of Hear Me Cry  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello silenced, it was worth the read. I do wonder where it all leads to. I have been on a similar path in relation to feeling too scared to commit suicide. It did not mean I did not feel more awful than I ever have felt in my life.

strengths: You are telling your story in a way that blends present and past tense. It is a story that invites others to enter and learn with you what hope means. This of course does not mean that it will be easy and without pain.

impressions: I like the query about wanting to no more. It is more about invitation than forcing oneself on another. My only struggle with the writing itself was trying to figure out whether you are talking about what happened or is still happening. I pray that you find your voice and are no longer "silenced".
Thanks for sharing
438
438
Review of Math Scare  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Barbrella, It was fun to read your story. It speaks to me about how one blemish or perceived fault can distort our whole image and how we look at the world. My favorite part of the poem was seeing that there were people that could help when life lead one to be overwhelmed. None of us need to be alone in conquering the many challenges that come our way.

Thoughts/impressions: I experienced the story as a kind of fable. I wondered if that is what you were wanting to portray, even more than the sharing of a tale. I have been in school myself and have known failure. My gut was telling me that it could happen that I became so anxious that I might want to end my life. At the same time the reality seems to be way out of proportion to what actually takes place.
Other than that the word "batting" in the beginning of your tale was ambiguous.
"but this was truth! I never studied all around the year but did one day batting and still managed to stand first because.....
thanks for sharing
439
439
Review of The Package  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello River, I would of never known so much suspense could attend the opening of a box. For the longest time my wife would get boxes, which she paid for and the suspense involved what would happen when I saw what strange and crazy item did she get next?
Thoughts and impressions: I am equally curious about what leads this person to feel this way. Therefore is the real message in the person who is about to open it or is it in the person him/herself?
440
440
Review of Weight Loss  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Barbella, your poem stands as an aspiration and inspiration about what can happen if we give our bodies over to a greater purpose. I can relate. I have been taking daily walks to cut off pounds.

thoughts/impressions: I like the idea of belting out. In your case the belt went in.
thanks for sharing.
441
441
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Chi, I was touched by your sentiments. You offer romance that can be seen in the midst of nature's beauty. "Compared to you with each bouquet nothing changes".

Suggestions: There seems to be the lack of contrast between the bouquet and the beloved in the last line. I think you mean to say that bouquets continue to happen and yet they are no match for the one you love.
442
442
Review by drifter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Barbrella, I loved the testimony. I am reminded of my own family struggles. It can seem like everything is in a state of chaos until you get to know the God who created order out of chaos. Thanks for reminding all of us about where our help comes from(in the caring presence of God). You also share the importance of knowing God's timing in the midst of dealing with guilt. I pray that God continues to use you as God's healing, loving presence in love with God and in love with life.
God bless and thanks for sharing!!
443
443
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Antimony, it was a fun read, reminding all persons that before we were born we had parents who knew our world. I especially liked the yearbook allusion. We may forget the names of people we knew, yet they are a part of what prepares us to love the little girl who will become her own.

Well done
444
444
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello PlannerDan, I decided to read it to my wife and she understood perfectly. She was also very insistent that Linda was not asleep in the process. My wife let me know that it is her prerogative to change things around at will. Thanks for using the mirror of your story to help me reflect about my own struggles. I grope around in the dark also and with God's help I get what I want as my wife laughs and grins in the background
thanks for sharing.
445
445
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I applaud the realness of your expression Antimony. There is that possibility at the beginning of any relationship that sees and wonders if the other person sees. I also feel a sense of caution settling in. I have known circumstances when I thought I fell in love, only to discover it was only infatuation. I pray that you find Mr. right and know with him that love is something that can grow together. Outside of that experience the hope of love gets miscarried/aborted still waiting for a spiritual child that two can celebrate.
God bless.
446
446
Review of Dog Gone Nights  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Web Witch, I love the brogue. The story of the resolution of a conflict with a dog was an opportunity to laugh and problem solve, wondering what might solve the problem.
Suggestions: I think the only part that could use explanation is how the dog became the bitch. It kind of sounds like the light packing of the trash bags frustrated the dog. After all he could not make as much of a mess. Is that right?
447
447
Review of What A Girl Wants  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Antimony you offer your own definition about what it means to grow from a girl to a woman. You emphasize that you spring off of your initial thought of being romantic in a way that reveals passion and adventure, willing to risk loss to know love (as you share love that is bleeding).
Thanks for sharing your vision. It works for you, maybe it can work for those you long to love you.
God bless
bleeding?
448
448
Review of Abstract Art  
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Chi, a very curious quote. I like abstract art and yet at times it seems confusion enough to give on a headache. I am glad that you have found a quote that keeps you searching for the meaning beyond the surface. I would like to know more about how one gets there.
449
449
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Paul, I was shocked by the ending. I felt like I was just getting to know the girl and her dad and then they are gone. I experience the deep grief of a sudden accidental death. I do not understand how their love for the mom leads to such trauma. Then a blizzard wipes them off the planet. I leave wondering if death is the only comfort left.
Thanks for a lot of sobering thought.

suggestions/thoughts: the sentences were terse and choppy. It would help to combine the shorter sentences to make a more effective flow.
example: The answer in this girl's head was death. It was life's greatest gift. Life is cold for this girl.
I am not sure about the message.
After her mother's demise all the little girl could think of was death.
how do you incorporate your thoughts of death being a gift and cold without leaving me as a reader out in the cold. Your initial comments suggest how a connection can be made. The red rose is a symbol of love killed by the cold. How do you get it back?
thanks for sharing.
450
450
Review by drifter
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Joto-Kai, it is a curious piece. The author's note helped me see more clearly what the aim of your poem was. The piece comes across as dark and violent. The mention of ivory speaks to the idea of their being piano keys. In the midst of it all Caroline seems to hold the key to life and death. What will she choose?

Suggestions/thoughts: I would like to know how a chrysalis fits into the schematic. I think of a potential butterfly as I read it. Instead it is as if a vampire or something like it will be born with Caroline as the only one that could get in the way.
2,567 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 103 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/peterson4279/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18