My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A couple is trying to sell their condo without using a realtor.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the comedic elements of the story. It kept me smiling. People never cease to surprise one.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the male seller. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Husband/Wife
The characters are very likable and you can easily sympathize with them.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no real suggestions for improvement, if anything I would have loved to have seen this a little longer. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for THE SHOW OFF YOUR BEST CONTEST. Thanks for entering and thanks for your patience with me. My reviews are a tad late because I'm just getting back from vacation.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dochia is posing as a man so she can be a soldier in the army and comes across an old flame.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the dialogue in the story. It moved well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 3rd person limited through Dochia's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "The scars are only months old, who did hurt you thus?" she asked, while she wiped his back with water and soap.
MY SUGGESTION: She wiped his back with water and soap. "The scars are only months old. Who hurt you?"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest 1 or 2 sentences stragetically placed in the narration to heighten the descriptions. For example, is there a scent to Duncan's body that transends the stink which stirs the passion in Dochia's soul?
SETTING
TIME: historical
PLACE: historical city setting
This is something that was clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dochia
While I understand her attraction to Duncan I needed to understand why she would pose as a soldier. That wasn't clear to me.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. If anything, the plot seemed a bit a choppy throughtout the story and it was hard for me to follow. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Gabriel is on the hunt to kill the "evil" Slithadon.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the creativity of the plot.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient from Gabriel's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might focus specifically on "settting" the battleground using the five senses to really create a solid imagine in the reader's mind where the fight is taking place.
SETTING
TIME: futuristic
PLACE: forest
This is something that could be clarified for the reader. Really paint the forest in the reader's mind.
CHARACTERS
Gabriel
There's enough here to understand his motivations. His mission is to kill the Slithadon.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for repeated words. For example "fluid grace" and "deadly grace" are used within sentences of each other. Try to vary it up.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening action intrigued me as a reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Michael and David are trying to find a cure for David's ailment.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the creativity of the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Past tense is used appropriately. I might tightened the point of view telling, and use one definative point of view.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest editing the dialogue for puncutation and quotation marks.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's just barely enough to set the scenes. This is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Michael
There's enough here to understand his motivation, he wants to save his friend from his ailment.
MECHANICS
I might suggest an edit for choppy sentences and punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The intrigues the reader. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
This is poem expresses the freedom of love of which dreams allow a person.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the heartfelt expression of that rare love found and wanting to hang onto it forever.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with an AA/BB rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling or puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The meter flows very well and engages the reader. The poem itself is easy to understand and plays on the reader's heartstrings. Well done. A nice read.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Guilt racks Will's poor, tormented soul.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the character's introspection. It didn't linger, kept moving forward, driving the reader to keep up with it.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Will. . Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: cemetary
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Will
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's hurting after losing his wife.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader and the ending brings home the meaning of the title. A very suspenseful read. Well done.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mike wants to impress Katherine, but getting out on the ice skating rink takes a little courage.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the setting. It worked perfectly in creating the romance between Mike and Katherine.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Mike. Good job with narration. I might suggest an edit for tense. It switches between present and past. I might suggest using past tense.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified enough for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Mike
There's enough here to understand his motivations. To impress Katherine, he'll brave the ice.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, paying attention to punctutation in dialogue tags.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader using a good character voice.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Pascal and Savannah share a relaxing summer, but when school starts up, peer presure gets in the way of their budding relationship.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the plot. Very heartfelt. Love wins in the end.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Pascal. Good job with narration. The tense switches on occasion from past to present. I might suggest an edit for tense consistency recomminding using past tense.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags as well as puncutation in dialogue tags.
For example as written: "Hey, I'm really sorry I'm so late." She said.
My suggestion: "Hey, I'm really sorry I'm so late," she said.
Also, make the action a seperate sentence and not part of the dialogue. The action sentence will still identify the reader.
My suggestion: "That's really sweet, Pascal. You are definately the nicest guy I know. I love it." Savannah's voice was soft and sweet.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified enough for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Pascal
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He needs to work up the courage to ask Savannah out.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest an edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above.
Spell out the work "okay" in manuscript writing. It's okay in journalistic writing, but professional editors want to see it spelled out in manuscripts.
Watch out for repeative words. Toward the end "yeah" is used repeativity. Vary your word choices.
The opening engages the reader with good character voice.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE CONTEST
This is a monthly contest that encourages details to include characters and settings. The authors do the rest.
WHAT I LIKED
The contest inspires creativity.
THE RULES
The rules were clearly stated and easy to understand.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Good use of WDC ML. If anything I might suggest using a graphic to set the mood/tone for the contest. I liked that it was an active community event.
This review is given for the Best of the Rest Contest. Forgive my tardiness with this contest. The last half of the year just ran away from me. Thank you so much for entering and Good luck!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE IN & OUT
This is a poetry in & out and encourages the posters to make rythmes.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the prompt encouraged posters to be creative to come up with rythmes.
THE RULES
The rules were clearly stated and easy to understand.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Good use of WDC ML. If anything, I might suggest a graphic to frame the mood/tone of the in & out. Well done.
It's a nice word-building activity.
This review is given for the Best of the Rest Contest. Forgive my tardiness with this contest. The last half of the year just ran away from me. Thank you so much for entering and Good luck!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE CONTEST
This is a "poem a day" contest with a daily poetry prompt given.
THE RULES
The rules were clearly stated and easy to understand. Prizes were clearly stated.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good use of WDC ML and I liked how you used a graphic to set the mood/tone for the contest. Well done. I liked that it was an active community event.
I also liked the added challenge provided by the daily prompts. It encourages the writer to stretch their imagination in a "timely" manner.
This review is given for the Best of the Rest Contest. Forgive my tardiness with this contest. The last half of the year just ran away from me. Thank you so much for entering and Good luck!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An old book stirs up scenes that haunt Robbie's mother.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the plot and pacing. There's a nice sense of mystery to the story as well that keeps the reader intrigued.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Robbie. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. For me, I might suggest one or two sentences placed just so the reader can picture the visual. I liked the use of cinammon (scent) to pull the reader into the paranormal scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that could be clarified for the reader. You might want to "frame" the story with "So and So College, 2011"
CHARACTERS
Robbie
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to find what's behind the haunting of his mother and help her if he can.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening pulls the reader in. A nice paranormal read for this time of year.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An unnamed narrator strives hard to success professionally, but personally he has lessons to learn in love.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the honesty of the character - it made the story that much more heartwarming.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He needs more than his fiancee can give him.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
If anything, I might find a way to slip in the narrator somewhere in the body of the story, perhaps in dialogue. The opening engages the reader with a good character voice. A very heartwarming piece.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Rema and Corey find a map while at a cookout. When they follow it, what will they find?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the plot and the mystery of the map. I thought that it was very creative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. I might suggest an edit for the narration and I would have the narrator accompany Rema and Corey on their adventure, but have him get away "by the skin of his teeth," so he's alive to relate the story. As it is now, narration switches between 1st person and 3rd person which can be awkward for readers, especially without line breaks.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I think the visual descriptions are spot on, but I might amp up or included descriptions to include hearing and smell. I think that would increase the "eerie" feeling the story is going for.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Narrator, Rema and Corey
Rema and Corey want to figure out the mystery of the map. Again, having the narrator accompany them and then get away would flesh out his motives for wanting to share the story.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs and dialogue here on WDC. As it is presented, lines back to back, are hard to read. The opening has a good voice which draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Anouck likes to race snakes.
WHAT I LIKED
The story embodied many fantastical elements and really captured the essense of the genre the author was writing for.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Anouk. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Skinny thing, aren't you?" he said, his quill scratching across the parchment before him.
MY SUGGESTION: The racemaster glanced at Anouk before scratching his quill across the parchment. "Skinny thing, aren't you?"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest really taping into smell and show me what the world smells like.
SETTING
TIME: ?
PLACE: ?
This is something that tcould be clarified for the reader by a simple block at the start of the story. Example:
The planet of Saturn
2211
The Snakes Pits in the dorian delta
CHARACTERS
Anouk
There's enough here to understand her motivations. It's all about racing the snakes and the thrill of the adventure.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. While full of adventure and excitment, the prompt was for Pirate Adventure. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
Thoughts and modern commentary by the author. I especially liked the posts about So Cal since I'm from the area.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved variety of topics and conversation starters.
CONTENT
Blog entries weren't that long, yet they engaged the reader. I especially liked the blog about the Kindle vs the Nook. Both are appealing ereaders.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctution mistakes. I'm easy with blogs regarding mechanics, but the mechanics in this blog shine and really make the blog stand out.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good use of WDC ML. Very engaging! Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
The blog focuses on writing prompts and creativity.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the entries tackled the prompts. You could see real craft building going on. Very inspirational for other aspiring writers.
CONTENT
Blog entries weren't that long, and they were expressive.
MECHANICS
I'm easy on spelling/punctuation with blogs because it's about how one expresses oneself.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to make your introduction more appealing to blog readers. Add a graphic or use WDC ML. Set the tone for your blog so readers get an idea of what to expect from you. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dan's sock drawer isn't where he expects it to be.
WHAT I LIKED
Great comedic elements that play on the human condition. (How comfortable we get when we're married for a long time.)
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Dan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
The author uses a good economy of words to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dan
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's trying to be considerate by not turning on the light, and so his wife by moving his sock drawer. This where the humor is. We're both on the same radio but men are on FM and women are on AM.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I really have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader by creating a great character voice. The story has great comedic elements and is well deserving of it's awards.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
WHAT I LIKED
