| My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Fiona visits her family in the cemetery and finds an older man doing the same.
WHAT I LIKED
This is a very heartwarming character driven story.
This is told in the third person limited through Fiona's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Chilly one today missus, to fit for man nor beast. Best get going, it looks like snow." He said, lifting his rheumy eyes to the leaden sky."
MY SUGGESTION: He lifted his rheumy eyes to the leaden sky. "Chilly one today missus, not fit for man nor beast. Best get going, it looks like snow."
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "His ragged coat had buttons missing, she could see the dirty collarless shirt underneath. As she closed the gap, he raised his head, smiling, showing tobacco stained teeth." The descriptions are spot on throughout the story. There's a good economy of words which paint a nice visual picture.
TIME: modern day
PLACE: a cemetery bench.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
Fiona and Bill
There's enough here to understand their motivations. Both of them are a low point, struggling to find hope.
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
The opening engages the reader. Good luck in the contest. Overall, a very heartwarming, inspiring story. Good use of the prompt.