StephBee's (sgcardin) Reviews

201

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#4847700

Review of The Watch

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Tommy wants a new watch for Christmas.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. While sad, it gave Tommy a happy memory.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 3rd person limited from Tommy's perspective. Past tense is used in the story.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph sets the scene in a dramatic fashion.

CHARACTERS

Tommy comes across as sincere and genuine young man and will resonate with readers.

FLOW & PACING

The opening set up the dilemma, and ending provided an adequate emotional conclusion.

MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The title fits the story which is succinct and to the point. A heartbreaking story that will leave the reader misty eyed.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4847544

Review of Love’s Triumph - A Blessed Call

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

Note: I found this poem on the Read and Review feature.

A moment in time captured on a bleak day can still host a heart full of love.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the message - even with storms, love can surge between gloomy clouds.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 3 quatrains and an AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: Certainly crisp like the earth's major storms - the wind persists challenged by dark eerie forms," For me, this was like taking the 40,000 foot view of life - envisioning a storm, that once over still lingers. Life is a lot of like that. Everyday life can be storm and it can linger which can be a bit sad if you think about it. Then the next line brings hope - "The life of love surges between gloomy clouds"

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader and keeps them reading. The title is a good fit for the poem. A poignant read.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4847469

Review of Krampus` Naughty Christmastime.

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

A word search about Krampus who likes to chase naughty children at Christmas time.

WHAT I LIKED

It was a fun puzzle which reminded me not to be naughty at Christmas time.

ENGAGING

I was very engaged and didn't have any difficulty finding the words.

VARIETY

There were a lot of good word choices that reflected the theme of the word search.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction had a trailer link to Krampus the movie and set the tone/mood of the word search well. Overall, a fun search for this time of year for the spook in your house!

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4847387

Review of Tetris-ctys

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about what happens when the Tetris doesn't make it.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the vivid action which was portrayed using a good economy of words.

STRUCTURE

This is a tetractys poem with a link that explains the type. I hadn't seen it before so I learned something new.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Quicker, more frenetic they start to fall." I read this line and felt rushed, danger, oh no! Yikes...! Sigh... Those blocks are falling and I failed to complete my mission. Well done, capturing the moment of excitement and disaster.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening paints a vivid of picture which invites the reader in. The title is a nice play on words reflecting the theme of the poem. I enjoyed learning about the form and how one can capture emotions using just the right words.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4847249

Review of Wonderland

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

An intriguing poem with a haunting invitation.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the imagery the poem evoked. I could picture, a curious little girl, debating in my mind if I should take up the invitation.

STRUCTURE

This is a kyrielle sonnet with structure explained as a footnote in the poem. This is very helpful, especially to newer community members or newer poets.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: Welcome to wondrous wonderland, Come deeper down the rabbit hole," I enjoyed the alliteration here using the "W" sound. When I read this I thought of place that's full of imagination. I guess the question is whose imagine. The invitation to go deeper rabbit hole plays the reader's curiosity well. Lots of good emotion here - #1 curiosity #2 daring #3 apprehension.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening invites the reader in with a warm welcome. The title is an appropriate fit for the poem. Nice beats, strong alliteration, spot on kyrielle - all solid techniques that make this poem shine.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4847142

Review of Born to Die

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

Reflections of a solider in a war zone.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the beat of the poem. The reflections were honest and sincere.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 6 couplets and each couplet rythmed.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Tell my Sister not to be upset, Her Brother will not rise after this sunset" Initially, this rings rather folksy, as if the brother is trying to soften the blow. In that regard, the phrase hits emotionally. There will be sadness and angst regardless and the reader can be sad for the sister who won't see her brother again.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening beat and sentiment draws the reader in, though the poem is a bit of sad read. The title reflects the mood of the poem. The poem touches the heartstrings with it's somber topic.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4846967

Review of Inner Turmoil

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem that expresses caution about the unknown.

WHAT I LIKED

There's nice spiritual undertones in the poem that resonates with me as a reader.

STRUCTURE

This is a free poem with no apparent rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "The Unknown is my helmsman, My deliverance!" There's a lot packed in this line. First, the unusual capitalization of Unknown. Taken in context with the rest of the poem, I personally interpreted the Divine, and if I do, then the rest of the line, rings poignant and true. There's a lot of reverence in the line, if read quickly, might be overlooked.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening evokes curiosity as the reader sails on a raft in the river of life. This curiosity keeps the reader invested. The title is reflective of the theme contained in the poem. A poignant poem that resonates with the soul.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4846917

Review of Our Silent Hero

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem shared a realistic look at war and how it can affect the psyche.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem told a story. There's a nice progression and growth that's outlined.

STRUCTURE

This is poem is reflective of an ode with a consistent AA rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "For the strength of his soul that the world couldn’t drown." There's a lot of emotional depth in this description. This soul has grown, faced the adversary and stayed true to his believe. There's pride and emotional strength here.

The descriptions in this poem are incredibly vivid and incredibly poignant. I might suggest submitting this poem to the Veterans Group for the monthly challenge.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening starts by setting the theme and mood of the poem in such a way it piques the reader's interest. The title is a nice fit for the poem. I enjoyed watching how the emotional strength of character led to hope.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4846749

Review of Simple Love

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about the power of love.

WHAT I LIKED

The example given really highlighted the theme of the poem which is "Simple Love."

STRUCTURE

This is free verse poem that starts and end with a couplet and the middle three stanzas are 4 lines each.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "I asked for pitter-patter raindrops.
You’ve given me a cyclone," This a vivid description that describes how love can start off with small expectations and turn into a BIG result.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening starts off with an easy metaphor involving chewing gum and love - it doesn't let go. The reader would have to agree. The title is a good, reflective fit for the poem. An honest and easy reflection on love.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4846748

Review of The Flower and the Bee

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about a flower that longs to be pollinated.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the story the poem told. It had it's ups and down, but did a great job portraying the circle of life and it left the reader feeling uplifted.

STRUCTURE

This is free verse poem with 40 lines.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Grief will heal in time, Everyone was kind," This is a simple statement, but it packs an emotional punch and reminds us just how the circle of life touches our lives.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening starts off with the reader hoping the flower will find happiness and that keeps the reader reading.

The title is a good, reflective fit for the poem. Poignant and full of heart.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

211

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#4846708

Review of Bible Characters

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: ASR | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE CROSSWORD

This crossword had a Biblical theme which is perfect for this time of year.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked that a good portion of the answers I didn't have to search for. When you know some/most of the answers it makes solving the crossword more fun.

ENGAGING

The crossword was very engaging. Some of the characters came right back to me, and some I did have to look up. In that regard, the crossword also proved educational and there's nothing better than fun learning. I think you retain it better.

VARIETY

There were a good variety of clues.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction was spot on and did a good job setting the theme of the crossword. The puzzle is a nice way to learn a little more about the Bible and it's stories and it's a nice compliment for this time of year. Well done!

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4846030

Review of Remarkably Like Bananas 11/10 -953 Words

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A foreign exchange student writes home about her disastrous attempts at cooking.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the comical elements of the story - cooking cultural foods were never easy, but Skylar is just not a whiz in the kitchen.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

Skylar's story is told in the form of a letter using the first person. Well done.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph intrigues the reader as Skylar implies she has found a new, more exotic playground in Moldova.

CHARACTERS

Skylar is a good natured person but cooking is not her forte.

FLOW & PACING

The letter starts off with Skylar going to a restaurant and then grows as she starts cooking.

MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The title has a comical fit to the story. The word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest. Skylar's adventures in the kitchen will make Mom, Dad, and the reader crack up!

Glowing Steph

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#4845747

Review of Life Goes On

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A women who is getting more forgetful, shares something painful with her daughter.

WHAT I LIKED

The story taps into sad and heartbreaking emotions in a respectful way.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 1st person by Marcie. Past tense is used in the story.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph paints the setting and then the next paragraph dives right into the crux of the story.

CHARACTERS

Marcie is an "everyday" character, a daughter, a mother we can all identify with. It's when her world is turned a bit upside down does she evaluate her life and choices.

FLOW & PACING

The opening set up the sets the scene, the middle sets up a frantic search and the ending leaves the reader to contemplate the what-if right along with Marcie.

MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The title fits the story. The story does a good addressing the prompt - a what-if life scenario we'll never know the answer to. It's a good story that resonates with a life lesson - consider your life choices. You might be surprised with the answer when you do. Overall, a story that tugs on the heartstrings.

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4845661

Review of Questions that keep me awake.

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

This is a poem that looks at the toll of mental health. It's never easy when one has a mental health issue.

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. I did not spot any spelling mistakes.

The poem stirs the reader's emotions. A raw, poignant read.

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4845379

Review of Long ago

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

I found this poem using the "Read and Review" feature.

The poem about a time when life was simpler.

WHAT I LIKED

The poet did a good job capturing an old-timey mood and feel.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 2 quatrains and an ABAB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "In her garden, Sweet William flowers," This is a simple visual - where the reader is just taking in a visual of Grandma's flower garden, but flowers have a way of making a person smile and invoking feel good vibes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening invites the reader in and teases them to find out what it was like "Long ago." The poem is easy and simple, but there's a lot of heartfelt family sentiment behind it. The poignant emotions the poem stirs leaves the reader in a good place. A feel good read!

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4845375

Review of The Visitor

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

I found this story using the "Read and Review" feature. A spooky tale about a visitor looking for the jewels.

WHAT I LIKED

The author did a good job building a spooky mood and heightening suspense with short, concise sentences.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Past tense is used in the story.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph puts the reader in the height of action. The tension in the paragraph was thick and as a reader, I wanted to find out what was going to happen next.

CHARACTERS

Ther person hiding in the shadows was the main character and she had a secret.

FLOW & PACING

The opening began with good suspense, the middle grew the tension and end answered questions and asked new ones. Well done.

MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The title fits the story, but is almost a bit generic. Overall, a suspenseful read.

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#1474097 by StephBee

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#4845246

Review of Conversations with nature

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem paints a wonderful day of basking in a meadow and enjoying mother nature.

WHAT I LIKED

While not explicitly mentioned, I felt an undercurrent of spiritually behind the visuals, a relaxation, a meditation, a calmness that behind in the spirit brings.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Today, the earth beneath her feet, rooted her in inner stillness," It's a strong visual, but there's a lot of quiet emotion, a calmness of being rooted (or grounded) and confident in that groundedness.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening invites the reader with a nice easy visual of a female enjoying the meadow around her. The title is very reflective of what to expect from the poem. The poet uses a good economy of words to paint vivid pictures and strike emotional beats. Well done.

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#4845244

Review of Thanksgiving was our time of year.

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A usually uplifting holiday is now full of sadness.

WHAT I LIKED

There's a lot of raw emotion in this poem that tugs on the reader's heartstrings.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with several near rythms which amps up the emotion.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "But until that time arrives, we will just have to endure and do our best to survive.," These are the lines that are full of emotion. Poignant, raw, full of heartache and yet possess that hint of endurance and determination to cope with unimaginable loss. Well done.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening strikes sad notes with precision, luring the reader in. The title hints at the reverence of the content. The poem connects on many levels. Excellent expression.

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#4844967

Review of The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

A creative word search based on the song by Andy Williams, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the inspiration behind the puzzle. I could hear the song playing in my head as I looked for the words. It was a great way to put someone in the Christmas mood.

ENGAGING

The word search was a lot of fun. I liked the link to the song on YouTube. Great Vibes!

VARIETY

There were a lot of good phrases from the song used in the word search. The variety was fresh!

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

Great introduction to set the mood and theme of the word search. This is a great puzzle that puts the good vibes in Christmas.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

Reviewer of the Month for August 2025 at the Angel Army

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#4844846

Review of Festival of Lights

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

This is a word search based on the holiday of Hanukkah.

WHAT I LIKED

I thought the words used were perfect for the puzzle.

ENGAGING

The word search was very engaging and I was curious how some words fit into the theme. In that regard, the puzzle is also educational and inspires curiosity.

VARIETY

There were a lot of word choices that fit the theme of the puzzle. Well done.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction gave a little background about Hanukkah and helped to set the theme, mood, and tone. Well done. A fun puzzle that inspires one to explore what the holiday is all about.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4844686

Review of Victorian Christmas Traditions

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

This word search put the puzzle taker in the mood for an old fashioned Christmas!

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the shape poem in the form of a tree in the introduction. It really helped to put me in the mood to hunt for these words!

ENGAGING

The word search is a lot of fun. A lot of these words were on the tip of my memory growing up as a kid in the 70's. I could picture listening to Christmas songs on the old stereo.

VARIETY

There were a lot of good words that embraced the theme well.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

Loved the title. I thought it summed up the theme of the poem well. A fun puzzle to get in the Christmas spirit!

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#4844393

Review of The Rhythm of You

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

Inspirational poem that encourages one to just be "you."

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the tone and uplifting message of the poem.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 2 stanzas and 6 lines. There is no rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "In the quiet dark, whispers drown your truth," This is the open line and I found it intriguing - what do we hide from ourselves and others "in the dark." It evokes simmering introspection and challenges us to look inside to see what we might find out about ourselves.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title sums up the poem as well putting the focus on what your rhythm is, encouraging one to slow down a bit and explore yourself. It's upbeat, uplifting and has a positive message. The poem strikes a heartfelt tone and has nice growth.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

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#4844169

Review of Thankfully

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about giving thanks to the Lord for his redeeming gift.

WHAT I LIKED

I really enjoyed the reverent and respectful tone of the poem. I felt like I was reading a Psalm.

STRUCTURE

This is an English sonnet with an ABAB rythme scheme and a rythme couplet.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "The Lord we thank for facing Calv'ry's skull" This vivid description with the use of the words "Calv'ry's skull" invokes an image of Jesus hanging on the cross and offering forgiveness to the thieves who were hanging next to him. It's a very powerful visual and evokes a range of emotions from sadness to admiration, and gratitude for the gift He gave us.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening is very formal, yet strives a respectful tone. The title is a simple, humble fit for the poem. A nice reminder of the saving Grace of our Lord.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

224

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14 days may be credited.

#4843339

Review of 17 Years at WDC, 17 Years At Home

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem was about finding oneself, appreciation, and gratitude.

WHAT I LIKED

The poem strikes a nice balance between hard knocks and inspiration.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form with no apparent rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easier to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Was one the life-giving water to quench a thirst I never knew I had?" I just loved this water metaphor as it explores a sincere and honest question. Also, the way it is asked evokes a genuine curiosity as to the answer.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening dives right in with 17 years and keeps the readers engaged. The title is a warm hearted fit for the poem. A heartfelt poem that explores home and friendship and offers hope and inspiration. Wonderful expression!

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama

225

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4843136

Review of The Mailbox

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Hannah settles down in a rural Vermont town only to find an old key in a turn of the century wooden desk. Where it will lead her is an adventure of a life time.

WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed how the mystery enfolded. I felt like I was finding the clues right alongside Hannah. Well done!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 1st person by Hannah. Past tense is used in the story.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph eases the reader into the journey by painting a rural, low key setting with a nice, easy going conversational voice. The reader feels like they're friends with Hannah.

CHARACTERS

Hannah's curiosity really shines in this short piece fiction and it makes her a very likable character.

FLOW & PACING

The progression of events seems very natural until we get to the old abandoned warehouse. If anything, it sets up the story for a part two to offer more explanations about the time traveling aspect.

MECHANICS

I did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes.

PARTING THOUGHTS

The title fits the story. The author uses a good economy of words to paint the setting and evoke emotion. There's a nice light hearted comedic beat with Max before diving into more interesting aspects of the story. It's well worth it to go on the journey with Hannah in this story.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§ama