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Review of A Cherished Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

A Puppet holds cherished memories.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Describe a cherished gift that always makes you think of the person who gave it to you. *CheckR*

Non-fiction story up to 1200 words. *CheckR*

Place word count with the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Tone of voice was full of reverence.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

What resonated with me was dealing with loss and how a puppet can draw on happy memories even though Enid had passed away.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* The author's respect and reverence shines through, but I might suggest a tad more introspection regarding Enid.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. The writing is honest and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
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327
for entry "A caring gift" Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. My review is on "A caring gift."

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

Santosh reached out to his mom, and the promise of family proved a balm to her long suffering.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Describe a cherished gift that always makes you think of the person who gave it to you. *CheckR*

Non-fiction story up to 1200 words. *CheckR*

Place word count with the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Nice character voice. I think the story is one that the reader can emphasize with.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

What resonates with me is making tough choices and the power of love of family.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* The author shares struggles and challenges and what she did to overcome them.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. The writing is heartfelt and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
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328
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

Seaman Frances has been demoted, but he's the only one who can solve the problem. What will it cost him?

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Describe a cherished gift that always makes you think of the person who gave it to you. *CheckR*

Non-fiction story up to 1200 words. *CheckR*

Place word count with the item.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It was uplifting.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Seaman Frances. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

There's a lot of themes here - hard work, leadership, determination. All of it can lead to something positive in life.


*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* It's an emotionally inspiring story.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation and capitalization. I would also suggest that the author increase the font on the story, as it's hard to read. Also, I would space between the paragraphs.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening catches the reader's attention. The writing is forthright and honest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
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329
Review of What's In A Gift?  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

Mum died and didn't leave much behind except an old, used pie dish.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Describe a cherished gift that always makes you think of the person who gave it to you. *CheckR*

Non-fiction story up to 1200 words. *CheckR*

Place word count with the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Nice character voice. It drew me right into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

I think there's a double message here, dealing with loss and poverty - and sometimes the everyday, ordinary things are the things that resonate with us. For me, I'll always fondly remember the pot that Aunt Mary and I used to make pierogis in during Christmas.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* *Checkr* The author's emotional memories around an aluminum pie dish resonate with readers.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. The writing is wistful and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
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330
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

A young girl learns a life lesson at Christmas time.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Describe a cherished gift that always makes you think of the person who gave it to you. *CheckR*

Non-fiction story up to 1200 words. *CheckR*

Place word count with the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Great character voice. It drew me right into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of life lesson. A young 9 year old receives the gift she asked for, but it wasn't what she expected. Her reaction and the consequences teach her a lesson that will resonate throughout her life.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* *Checkr* The author drew a picture of a how a child learned the lesson of humility.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. The reaction to her gift is one we all can relate to. The writing is candid, honest, and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
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331
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE VINYETTE

Inspired by a quote from Henry Rollins, the author reflects on how fast November passes, and what he can do to slow it down.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the honest introspection of the season.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Each stroke a desperate attempt to capture the transient beauty of the season."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A nice progression of the season, how the leaves start to change, how the author decorates to slow the season down, and yet in the end, there is no stopping it. A thought provoking vinyette that challenges the reader to discover what they do to slow down November.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review of Rescue  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Inspired by a quote from Emily Dickinson, the reader finds Amelia wrapped up in her writing, when Spunky interrupts the mood.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The character of Amelia took on an Emily Dickinson-like quality, as inspired by the quote.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* TENSE

Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "I welcome any distraction from my heart's chilly gloom."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A heartwarming vinyette where a dog draws Amelia out of her world to help another. The title fits the story. Good use of the quote.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review of November...  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Inspired by a quote from Emily Dickinson, Amelia takes November and finds that nature, the mood, and the lights inspire her writing.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The character of Amelia took on an Emily Dickinson-like quality.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "one chilly evening, as the sun dipped before the horizon, casting the sky in shades of crimson and gold."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I like the idea of using November as a muse. It's a dark, long, chilly month.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Inspired by a quote from Alphonse Karr, the author explores a thorn with a rose.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the inspiration message of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There is no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Roses have thorns, a warning given;"

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem uses a good economy of words to stir the reader's thought as they flip the illusion on it's end - why does a thorn have a rose? The use of alliteration with "One doesn't have one without the other," is in the perfect place to give the reader pause before the ending's message.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review of Bus Stop  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Inspired by a quote from Alphonse Karr, Winter's thorn will bring sweet heat at the Bus Stop.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem progressed from cold to heat and ended on a warm note, much like the quote from Karr.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There are 3 lines in each stanza. There is no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "fingers of frothy wetness crawl along my body."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem uses a good economy of words. I enjoyed how the poem told a simple story, yet it was layered with cold thorns which melt away at the end. Nice visuals.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review of Thorns  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Inspired by a quote from Alphonse Karr, Rose laughs and gloats, but there is a thorn on that flower. What could it be?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the easy flow of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. The 2nd and 4th lines of the stanza rythmes.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "laughing, gloating, cackling Rose,"

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The flow is light and easy; the thorn is stated with the last line. The poem resonates due to the catchy flow and begs the reader to consider if there's more than just bad prose to consider.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph


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Review of When In Rome  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE CROSSWORD

*Reading* This crossword tests your knowledge on Rome and Italy.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the crossword was very interesting.

*Star* ENGAGING

The crossword offers a lot of choices. Some questions were easy, some were harder, but nothing a search engine couldn't help you out with.

*Star*VARIETY

There were a lot of variety in the questions.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set the tone for the crossword, if doable. A good first attempt!


Reviewed by StephB for Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive .
Bee Hive Graphic
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Review of UK Universities  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE CROSSWORD

*Reading* This crossword challenges the taker's knowledge on universities in the UK.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the crossword was challenging, but nothing you couldn't complete with a little help from a search engine.

*Star* ENGAGING

There are a lot of clues to sift through.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set the tone for the crossword, if doable. I thought the crossword was a lot of challenging.

Reviewed by StephB for Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive.
Bee Hive Graphic
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Review of Halloween C-Notes  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. Thanks for your patience with me, as I'm just recovering from vacation!

THE CNOTE

*Reading* Halloween CNotes offer a unique set of Halloween theme notes.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought both notes offered a nice appeal to different viewers.

*Star* ENGAGING

The CNotes are appropriate to the season. The introduction sets the mood with a nice quote that sums up the season.

*Star*VARIETY

There were only 2 choices. I'd love to see the collection expanded.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I thought the cNotes were spot on for the Halloween season. 1 was whimsical and one was spooky. The notes were affordability priced for the community.

Reviewed by StephB for Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive.
Bee Hive Graphic }
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE CNOTE

*Reading* Sharmelle's Halloween Expressions are a fun set of CNotes to pass around during the fall season.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the whismical cNotes. They made me smile.

*Star* ENGAGING

CNotes entices the viewer to pass out a few with their whimsical, "feel good" vibes. The introduction is simple and straightforward.

*Star*VARIETY

There were a lot of choices.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I thought the cNotes were a lot of fun. Most cNotes are priced at 787 GP's which I thought were affordable for the community.

Reviewed by StephB for Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive.
Bee Hive Graphic }
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Blackwood Manor lingers on the outskirts of a rural town, harboring secrets to explore.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It was nice closure on the haunting of the mansion.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set mood and tone of the story. I especially liked: "they were met with a clammy, musty oder that filled their nostrils."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: Part 1 is 50 years before part 2
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Henry and James

The characters are likable. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I would check the paragraph that starts with "Their Flashlights spread sinister..." there is miscoded WDC ML at the end of the paragraph -- ./linespace}.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

#1 - I wasn't sure how part 1 worked into part 2, unless Henry was one of the group of the youthful friends that were curious and explored the house. If that was the case, I would make that a bit more "clearer" in part 2. #2 - The prompt items were used, but I felt they were a bit forced into the story. I might have Henry linger on them and evoke memories? to make it feel more natural. (suggestion only) Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was not listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph

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Review of Grandpa  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Grandpa comes to visit his grandkids on Halloween while their parents step out for the night.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author weaved in the prompt items. I thought it was a v natural fit.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. I might suggest an edit for past tense. Past tense is mixed with present tense on occasion. I would suggest being consistent and using past tense throughout.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set mood and tone of the story.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Grandpa and the grandkids.

The boys are bit apprehensive being left alone but Grandpa comes along and eases their nervousness. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph

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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

What is causing the flickering lights at the old Price mansion?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

There's plenty of suspects, and each has a motive.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: haunted house.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

There's an ensemble cast, each with their own intentions. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening piques the reader's interest. I thought the ending brought all the clues together well. Sentence count was listed in accordance with the rules with the Cop Shop Mystery. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Barney Fife goes to investigate the noises coming from the old Price mansion.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the ending. Just when Barney thought he had it figured out...

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Present tense is used mostly, but it is not consistent. I would suggest an edit for tense.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The opening begins with dialogue. Tags are appropriate, but I might suggest an edit for punctuation within the dialogue. Spell out okay in creative writing. "OK" is okay for journalistic writing.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Broken windows gaped like hollow eye sockets." There's a good economy of words which paint a very succinct picture.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: haunted house.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Barney

There's enough to understand his motivations. He goes to check out a complaint he has about the house. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I would also suggest spacing between paragraphs, at least on Writing.com to make it easier on the eyes for the reader.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening piques the reader's interest. Sentence count was listed in accordance with the rules for the Cop Shop Mystery. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

*Reading* A word search that highlights items you'll find on Writing.com.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

You'll learn a lot about what Writing.com has to offer.

*Star* ENGAGING

The word search kept me engaged. I wanted to solve the puzzle.

*Star*VARIETY

There were enough choices to make the puzzle engaging.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Other than spicing up the introduction to draw puzzle solvers in, I have no other suggestions. A challenging search!

Reviewed by StephBee for the Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive SEP 2023.
Bee Hive Graphic
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

*Reading* A nice little word search that celebrated WDC's birthday.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

This was a lot of fun.

*Star* ENGAGING

The word search kept me engaged. I wanted to solve the puzzle.

*Star*VARIETY

There were enough choices to make the puzzle engaging.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Other than spicing up the introduction to draw puzzle solvers in, I have no other suggestions. I really enjoyed this word search because it was simple and yet challenging, too.

Reviewed by StephBee for the Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive SEP 2023.
Bee Hive Graphic
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

*Reading* A word search based on words that tell a type of story.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

This is a great word search to learn different type of storytelling.

*Star* ENGAGING

The word search kept me engaged. I wanted to solve the puzzle.

*Star*VARIETY

The word search offered a lot of choices.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

A simple introduction. The title set the tone for the puzzle. I thought the search was a lot of fun.

Reviewed by StephBee for the Best of the Rest @ the Bee Hive, SEP 2023.
Bee Hive Graphic
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Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE WORD SEARCH

*Reading* A grammer based word search.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

This is a great way to learn grammar terms.

*Star* ENGAGING

The word search kept me engaged. I wanted to solve the puzzle.

*Star*VARIETY

The word search offered a lot of choices.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction set the tone & expectations for the word search. The word search was challenging.

Reviewed by StephBee for the Best of the Rest @ the Bee Hive, SEP 2023.
Bee Hive Graphic
349
349
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Becca is determined to beat a virtual game.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending and the message the story had to share. There is more to gaming, and even virtual gaming. Life is the ultimate game and there is a world out there to explore beyond a screen.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Becca. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. My constructive suggestion would be make me feel like I'm in the game with Becca. Tap into the five senses. Does the game smell? What is the forest like? Do the birds chirp in the forest? By using a good economy of words, you can write a sentence that taps into one of the senses and put the reader in the game with Becca.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader. By setting the virtual reality game in the near future, this will allow the reader's imagination to take off.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Becca

Becca lives for the game, but soon discovers there's something more. The ending allowing for character growth. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. My constructive suggestion in this area would be to use WDC ML to make the story easier to read for the reader. I would space between each paragraph and maybe consider increasing the font to 3.5 or even changing the font to another type.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Glowing Steph
350
350
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE ARTICLE

The article gives a write up/narration of a virtual reality game.
*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the narration touched on several qualities the game would develop such as determination, resilience, and adaptability, which are all admirable qualities to take into real life.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to describe what you should expect from the game as a player.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: futuristic setting


This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

There is no main character, just narration giving an overview of what to expect from the game.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

My constructive parting thought/suggestion would be to slow down and read the rules of a contest and if I had any questions, ask. While the article's (Bard's Hall Contest Entry) narration reads well to entice me to play the game it describes, it's more "telling" than "showing," in that I expected to read a story actually involving a virtual player in a game per the rules of the contest, than a description of a virtual game that a player would play.

Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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