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Review of Foolishness  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A young man in love, doesn't see the "gem" in front of him.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the rythme scheme. The poem was easy to read and understand.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The first line of each stanza uses "her" to keep the reader focused on the "theme" of the poem. The 2nd and 4th lines rythme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Great expression. Write on!

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Review of SimpliCity  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Norman goes through the motions of his life only to be thrown a curve ball at the end of the day.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the take on the futuristic world. Very good world building.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person from Norman's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I would definitely like that," Elena replied as she moved a little further onto the couch.

MY SUGGESTION: Elena moved a little further onto the couch. "I would definitely like that."

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the 5 senses, including smell. What does the dystopian world smell like? Stale and metallic? Crisp? Flowers?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: distant future
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Norman

There's enough here to understand his apprehensions. He wants more out of his life, but the City discourages it. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes. I might suggest spelling out "OK" as "okay" in manuscript writing. "OK" is good journalistic writing, but most editors want to see "okay."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening describes Norman's world, using a good economy of words. The opening doesn't linger, instead it makes the reader wonder why "The City" is the way it is, drawing the reader into the story. Write on!

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303
Review of Remember Human?  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem paints a picture of the future and then asks a very important question.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how the title captured the essence of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem. There is no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I spotted only one puncutation mistake. There's a period after the question mark in "how old is human memory?" I might suggest taking out the period.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions for improvement. I like how the poem makes one think. The poem does a good job capturing a dystopian feel. Write On!

Review Signature
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304
Review of Slaughterhouse  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Harley works in a slaughterhouse with a family history of mental illness. Is it just a matter of time before he goes off his rocker.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The setting was totally creepy and set the tone/mood for the story perfectly.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 3rd person limited from Harley's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's enought to augment the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the story and paint vivid pictures for the readers in their minds. The whole depiction of the cows being led to their deaths was well done and totally creeped me out as a reader.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Harley

There's enough here to understand motivations and feelings. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Using Halloween as a catalyst to set Harley was inspired. Well written. Bill, it's always a pleasure to read an item out of your port. *Smile*

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305
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The narrator, an unnamed soldier who has returned home, finds a different way of life greets him.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the story was easy to read. The character's voice feels natural and honest and hints at hope despite all the changes he has to face.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the mood of the story with the word count restriction. Well done.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed male narrator

There's enough here to understand his feelings. He has a lot of change to deal with. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The story is easy to read and captures a sense of challenge and hope.

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Review of The Question  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE PROSE

A prose that pleads for a chance for her lover to stay.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The expression and emotion are heartfelt and full of honesty.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form format.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestion for improvement. The author uses a good economy of words to capture description, both emotional and setting. Well written.

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307
307
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is a prose-like styled poem where a soldier lays, dying, and his last thoughts.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The poem paints a vivid picture. I enjoyed how the author used a good economy of words to describe the soldier's dying minutes.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation and capitalization.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. A poignant read.


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308
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem captures a genuine love for winter and the world it brings.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play in the poem. The author paints very vivid pictures.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no set rythme scheme, but there are rythmes.

*Star* MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor ediit for punctuation mistakes, though I suppose this could be the author's style.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A very expressive poem that challenges the reader to feel the affection behind the words.


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Review of War Bride  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A woman recalls how she lost her one true love to war.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The poem is easy to read, understand, and paints a vivid picture with words. The emotion is heartfelt.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with a ABCB rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Very poignant and taps into emotion that every reader can feel, lonliness, sadness, full of inner courage in the face of tragedy.


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310
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is about a couple seperated by war and they have to face the Christmas holiday without each other.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The poem is easy to read and understand. The emotion is heartfelt.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is written in a abcb, 7-6-7-6 format.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot an spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Expressive, well written, and reaches across all age groups.


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Review of The Letter  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LETTER

The letter is one from a girlfriend to her soldier in World War II.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the tone of the letter. It sounded very authentic and heartfelt.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the tone, but this is something that could be expanded on. What are her friends like? Is this their favorite theatre?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: World War II, USA
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Emma

There's enough here to understand her feelings. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

My only suggestion would be to have a line seperating the paragraphs here on WDC so it's easier to read.




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Review of Hope Fades  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* THE POEM

The poem talks about what happens when hope fades away.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how the poem evoked emotion. There was a natural emotional progression.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rhythm scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might recommend an edit for puncutation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. I liked how the poem had a message that readers can relate to.

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Review of Love Haiku  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Love and Hate play off of each other.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I like how the poem comes around full circle, capturing the "yin/yang" of two passionate emotions.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is done in a Japanese poetry style known as Haiku.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling or punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The dynamic word choice grabs the reader's attention and makes them think. Well done.

Reviewed by StephB

Review Signature
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314
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A look at time and how it can "play" with us.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Dyanamic word choice.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is done in a Japanese poetry style known as Haiku.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot and spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement.I was reminded to be mindful of time because it can play with us and when we choose to love. Well done.

Reviewed by StephB

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Review of Rose  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Describes the romance of a rose.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the word play, especially the last line - thorns remind us to not take love for granted.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is done in a Japanese poetry style known as Haiku.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot and spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Even beauty has defenses that one must overcome to win a cherished prize. Well done.

Reviewed by StephB

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Review of Morning  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Paints a nice, sweet visual of a romantic embrace.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Nice word play to invoke images.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is done in a Japanese poetry style known as Haiku.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot and spelling or punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Very expressive and evokes heartfelt emotion.

Reviewed by StephB

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Review of Time May Tell  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Reading* THE POEM

Time needs patience.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The expression draws the reader in and offers an invitation to ponder time.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with a AABB rhythme scheme after the 1st stanza.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might recommend puncutation for the poem to establish pacing.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Thought provoking.

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Review of Stuck  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Reading* THE POEM

Whatever is "stuck" must break out. (Be it a physical object or an emotion)

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Very good expression. The poem makes one think.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with a AABB rhythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for puncutation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. A heart stirring poem.

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319
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Reading* THE BLOG

The centers around misc topics. (texting slang and taste in music, both appealing)

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

It was very personable and relatable. The blog engaged others and there were several comments.

*Star* CONTENT

There were three entries during June. I liked how the entries appealed to everyday life.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any glaring spelling/punctuation mistakes, but I'm not so picky with blog entries and journals unless it's consistent.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The blog is engaging. Keep on blogging. Trust me, it's not easy. There's a graphic to set the tone/feel for the both. I might add a small paragraph to define the goals you want to accomplish with the blog.

Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox

Review Signature
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320
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Juan evokes passion in Carolina

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author used images and and description to evoke romantic feelings.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Carolina. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes and evoke emotion.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Carolina

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She embraces newfound love, but as she and Juan "settle down" into their day-to-day lives, she has questions. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. I especially liked the use of the line, "Senorita, you are cold, no?" to evoke that initial warm feeling of finding romance. Well done! *Smile*

Review Signature
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321
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The narrator, a lady on a train, has a passionate affair.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the "escapism" of the story. The author writes "We were in love with the idea of being in love," and knowing that, I lost myself in the affair.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses, especially smell to evoke romantic images.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Kondrick

There's enough here to understand his motivations. His off to find his "fortune" as a knight. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for puncutation. When using quotes, place the punctuation in the quotations.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. Keep writing!

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Review of To Love A Monster  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Angela and Paulo share an interesting relationship against the backdrop of a "myth" that haunts their community.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the plot. It kept reading to find out what would happen next. I also liked how the "demon" wasn't who or what you would think and the ending fit the storytelling of the story perfectly.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent by a narrator. Good job with narration. I might suggest a minor edit for tense. Professional editors recommend using past tense. Currently, there are tense shifts to the present which confuse the reader.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward well.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses, especially smell.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader. I might suggest framing the story in the beginning with the place and date.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Angela/Paulo

There's enough here to understand their motivations. Love can drive a person to things they wouldn't expect. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I might suggest an edit for spelling. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic. Where you used "was walking" consider using "walked."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. On WDC I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs to make it easier on the reader's eyes. The opening is a bit descriptive and telling, I might suggest just starting with her and Paulo in the field and let the information about her being 17 come out in dialogue/narration naturally. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.

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Review of The Wash  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

This is the story of Kareth - friend or foe? Demon or hero. You decide.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the imagination and creativity in the story and how it's up to the reader to decide if Kareth is a hero or a "night terror."

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

Past tense is used appropriately. A note to the reader advises that the story is told in a non-traditional narration which I appreciated. Kareth's story is told between "eye-witness" snippets and his own narration. It is definately non-linear.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The eye witness snippets act as dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much, but I might suggest taping into a sense of smell. Does Kareth have a distinctive scent that upsets the witnesses?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: Medievel -type setting
PLACE: Another world

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Kareth

There's enough here to understand his motivations. There's enough of his back story given to let the reader decide what his motivation is. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling/punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.
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324
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Simon is searching for the ultimate magic trick to add to his show.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. It drew me right into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Simon. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much, but I might draw on the five senses and a sense of smell.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day ?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Simon

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's looking for the ulitimate trick. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. I might also suggest to try limiting sentences that begin with "I." It can be a challenge with first person stories, but the flow would be better. The opening intrigues the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The Rider haunts a local road on the night of the full moon. Can anyone escape?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the storytelling. The plot flowed really well.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Johnny and the truck driver. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. Maybe the Rider has a distinct smell that signals his impending arrival?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Johnny and the truck driver

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They are going to go about their business because they don't believe. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and keep them reading. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest. Thanks so much for your patience with the judging in the contest.

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