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Review Requests: ON
1,071 Public Reviews Given
1,098 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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Review of Top Secret  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting story, made strong by that final denouement. That took it overt the edge to a sttrong concept.

I do know this was written for a no dialogie conntest, but there does still seem to be a lot of tell instead of show throughout. A little more of a look into his mind and his feelings might have helped make it that little more engaging at the start.

I do feel this could be extended out to an even creepier longer short story.

There were also a few thinbgs with grammar that I was not sure about. For example: Holdfast had all the gear, the trilby hat, the rumpled raincoat and rubber-soled shoes. I would probably go: Holdfast had all the gear - the trilby hat, the rumpled raincoat and rubber-soled shoes. Little things like that. I am not sure what I noticed is wring, it's just not how I'd go.

Still, that ending made this a strong story.

Nice job.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like these sorts of tales - my own first wrestling match is here at WdC - because it is something that is so unique to every individual.

Technically, my only issue is your love affair with the ellipsis.

But there was something lacking in the story - you. Your emotions, your body's reactions, more descriptions of the fight, how you felt during it. These are the aspects that make this all yours, and it felt muted. I turned mine into a 3rd person PoV narrative, but I know I also lack these insights. At the very least, I wanted more of the in-ring action.

Of course, that is my personal opinion.

Good luck going forward!


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Review of You  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting look more at yourself than the "brilliant" poet. In this, you are playing a comparison game which is not the idea of any art - it should be personal creation. However, you put your point of view forth very well. You talk about your concepts and what you see as your foibles, and the structure flows nicely from point to point, working through different mental concepts well.

A couple of things. Your overuse of the ellipsis can be distracting and it really doesn't add a lot when it is used this much.

Andd this line:
Me..."Well," said the small boy in the corner of the room, "I have something to say."
You've already indicated by the "Me" that someone is speaking, so it's repetition that feels awkward.
How about:
Me (the small boy in the corner of the room)..."Well, I have something to say."

Just an idea.

Anyway, nice way of venting!

Good luck going forward.
(PS I was worried it was me, but I am not brilliant nor an award-winning poet. So... whew!)


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Review of Therapy  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I liked this one, one of those "twist in the tale/tail" stories. The subtle hint as to what she did at the hospital after her son's whinge was really well done. And doing it as a flash piece meant it was not drawn out - short, sharp and shiny. Not sure if the name stuff at the start was actually needed, however. It didn't give us an insight into her character that became important later, it was just there.

Technically, two little things:
The first comment that flew out of his mouth was [or some other verb], "People are the worst!"

"Yes, dear they can be,." she said, offering motherly support.

So, well done.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Technically, this is really good. No errors, nothing I coud see, professionally presented. Nicely done, and something I would like to see more of on WdC.

The idea of rules for writing is something that has been out there for a long time. I think the issue I have with this article is that it presents this as "these are the rules." There is no indication that these are not hard and fast (my personal experiences have not followed some of these things), and it does feel very prescriptive. Writing fiction should not be based on a series of rules.

Then it ends almost as an advertisement for your services and other external writings. While I have no problem with self-promotion (one of the writer's most important tools!), it did make it feel like the whole article was a spruiking piece.

This sounds very negative, and that is not my intention. These ideas are good starting points, especially for those who have not written a novel before. But it feels they are portrayed as more than that.


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Review of Sample Writing  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Okay, you asked for feedback, any would help.

The story, as it stands, is a good beginning. You have a defined main character, there are dreams that are troubling and puzzling, and the main character feels like they are based in a reality. All fine in that regard. I also liked the way you put the dream in italics - good choice.

Now, my feedback is going to be technical.

First, pick a tense; at the moment, it goes from present tense to past. It's your story, so pick one and stick to it.

Next, every time a new speaker talks, no matter how little they say, the standard is to start a new paragraph. This prevents blocks of text and makes it easier for the reader to follow a conversation.

There are a number of issues with punctuation. This will need a thorough edit to clean up.

There is a bit of tell instead of show. The whole section about breakfast, for example. And are all of these facets of the MC's life going to be relevent later? Don't inundate the reader with stuff they will not need.

Yes, this seems harsh, but you indicated you wanted all feedback, and that this is a start, so that indicates this will be revised. I see potential here for a story that could work quite well, especially with the hint of a murderer.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting personal look at the writing vs story-teller argument.

I feel you have missed one historical factor, though - story-telling has been with us since long before writing. It is the oral tradition of stories that have given us the epic of Gilgamesh, The Iliad and Beowulf before someone thought to put them on paper.

Writing is story-telling with an added complication - making yourself understood when you are not there. That is why the mechanics are important.

But, as you pointed out, being a story-teller first and foremost is where this comes from. You can't write if you have nothing to say.

The mechanics of this piece are fine, but some sentences feel confused. "The experts break different directions in answering this question." is a case in point. I didn't get what this meant until later on in the paragraph. The use of sentence fragments makes it feel a little less formal than I was expecting, but that is fine for an op-ed.

You have certainly got some food for thought here, though, and I like that you are not afraid to put your own point of view out there.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Alone  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
A fun read!

I liked the build up of tension. The use of language and sentence structure really helped in this regard. The emotions were portrayed well without being spelled out.

I think my only issue is that last sentence.

"Also a dead bird." It just felt out of place after the rest. It was a little deflating.
"And there, amidst the glass shards, lay a dark object. I reached a trembling hand towards it, and grasped something soft and covered in warmth. I groaned and almost laughed. A dead bird. Just a dead bird." I don't know - that's just something that came to me quickly.

Anyway, the rest of the story is really well done, well-written and with a fine rising tension at its core.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A CITY OF GHOSTS  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
The idea here is a really strong one. Layer of complication built upon layer of complication in the good ol' archaeological dig. This is the sort of concept that would make a rollicking novel.

You introduced the reader to the characters sharply (though the general rule of thumb is don't use parentheses for alternate names - put "Larry" in quotation marks instead), but the ages and what they were studying and details like that meant nothing in the long run. Vague indications of being young or old would have sufficed.

However, then it becomes all tell and no show. You tell us what is happening. This happened, then this happened, then this happened. While I'm there: Robots feels so out of place here; "automata" would have been better, and fit in with the way ancient worked these things. And why would a social sciences student go on an archaeological dig? But those just felt out of place to me.

What this feels like is an outline for a much longer work, where you can use the first-person narrative, and that person being told by others what else happened, if necessary, to focus all the emotions of terror and fear and excitement and everything else. That would also mean the ideas of these people, their ages, their fields of study, could become relevant to the story. For example, the social sciences student could recognise the fact that this dead person was a queen by the way the rest were place subservient to her, heads bowed, as she is looking at that sort of thing in one of her majors/subjects. At the moment, it reads like all of it was nothing. Even something as emotional as being engaged was mentioned in an off-handed manner.

So, like I said the idea is fine. Technically, I saw no obvious mistakes, so the writing is clean. It just lacked punch, to me, that's all.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An interesting... confessional? Memoir? Not sure how to classify this one.

As usual with your work, technically, I could find no issues. Edited well, expressed well, all ythe good stuff. It's why I read your work - I know I'm going to get something polished.

As to the set up of your work, again, I could find no issues. You have expalined your choices, you have put it into the context of your story, and you have allowed some of yourself come through.

I think my only issue was the length. it did feel like some concepts were repeated that were being shown quite well otherwise. Some edits could help maintain the attention of a reader. If writing this for yourself, that's fine; but it is in a public forum, so readers need to be taken into account.

Still, as usual, I enjoy your work.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting look at Barbra Streisand from your perspective. I still think she does the best version of 'Memory' from the musical Cats, and her version of my favourite songwriter Jim Steinman's 'Left In The Dark' is amazing.

As to this piece, it opens with a sentence fragment, which feels a little off. You need an "is" in there somewhere.

Some of the formatting of this piece also needs work - spaces where there should not be spaces, some carriage returns, some run-on sentences, things like that. A good edit will help this.

But I think the biggest thing this was missing was a "why". You mention briefly her singing gives you strength, but that's it. How does her voice affect you? How does it give you strength? What about it stirs within you? This is lacking an important piece of the puzzle - You. For this to work completely, we need to know more about you and your relation to Barbra from an emotional level.

Sorry if that sounds harsh; I do not mean it to be because I can feel in what you have written how much you enjoy Ms Streisand. But, as a reader, I just wanted more.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I was in two minds about reviewing this. As an Australian who has more than once got in trouble for not doing the Acknowledgement of Country, and who has issues with Indigenous beliefs being thrust against us as truths, I can see where you are coming from. However, having also taught adult Indigenous males, I can also see the benefit for doing what we are doing.

So I am going to look at this from a purely technial point of view.

When it comes to the arguments you put forth, I think maybe quoting an abbreviated Acknowledgement of Country would help especially non-Australians understand where you are coming from. There is the implication here that people understand what you are talking about, which would not be the case with those from the USA for whom the world stops at its borders.

You call universities "ideological indoctrination centers", which I think needs some explanation. Having graduated in 2021 (with my 3rd degree; I am over 50), only a few subjects did push this ideological concept. Some did, I agree, but not all.

Apart from that, your arguments are well put forth and logically constructed. Your own Acknowledgement of Country, therefore, is a a piece that is a fitting conclusion to your work. However, again, having the original to contrast against it might give it more impact.

When it comes to grammar, et al., it follows the stylistic elements of Australian literary magazines, and so I could find nothing to fault.

So, as to whether I agree with you or not, that is beside the point. The fact is I was drawn to this again and again, and so your arguments and your writing work as a persuasive piece of writing.

Well done.


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Review of Extinct  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is an intriguing opening to what could be an interesting story. The idea of the people being "punished" by not being allowed to have children is verging on the horror/fantasy genre, and this could go well.

Your descriptions on the whole worked well. You have painted some good images with words, and you have built the tension nicely. There is a sense of irgency that wortks throughout.

Now, WdC is about helping writers, so with that in mind:
* Is the lad's name Erik or Erick? You use both.
* You need to look at your punctuation. A lot of errors, especially in apostrophe use, direct speech, and commas. A good edit is needed to go through this.
* Erik's father burst into the church, then they were outside, then he was taken into the church. There needs to be consistency in place.
* Do they worship gods or God? You mention both, but if you are talking the Christian god, then you need to remember when capital letters are used in God, pronouns and possessives.
* How close was the hall these men were at with Erik's mother? It seems the way it is written the whole town could have walked there and been on guard, especially if this was something they were all hoping for. That felt like it burst the tension that you had built up so well beforehand.

That seems like a lot, but if you want this to be the best, then you need to look at the basics of writing.

Having said that, you have avoided info dumps about everything, you have avoided overlong descriptions of the people, only mentioning things that are relevent, and you have let the story flow without extraneous descriptors, all of which are huge positves.

There is a good story here, and the use of words is well done; it is in the technicalities where some polish needed.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Job  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
An interesting story. The idea of aliens collecting information through human disguises was well-done and you didn't harp on the description of the creature, just the points to indicate that it is definitely not human. That lack of info dump makes it so much easier to read.

The fact they acted like humans indicated some degree of cultural contamination, which was interesting to see.

But, for as much as I liked the story, the punctuation of the piece needs a lot of work. Especially in direct speech and using commas, there is a lot of room for editing here. I recommend getting hold of the book Elements Of Style by Strunk & White. It's short and even though it's dry, it has everything you'll need.

Still, the story itself was a good one. You have the ideas and imagination, now to sharpen the tools.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice piece of flash fiction. I didn't see the ending coming, which is always a pleasant surprise. The captain's exhortations are quite amusing and the ending is almost a dad joke.

When it comes to the technicalities, this needs work:
“Oy Matey, what on earth do you think this is? He asked, “there ain’t a cloud in the sky?”
I would suggest:
“Oy Matey, what on earth do you think this is?" he asked. “There ain’t a cloud in the sky!”

There's a few other commas missing throughout as well; this just needs a thorough edit.

Still, good story. I needed a laugh today. Thanks for that.


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Review of Winged friends  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, I found this for anniversary reviews.

This is a sad little vignette with a moral or message that could well be applied to many people. There was a sense of depression about the story, and that made the moral seem a little fatalistic.

One thing that felt missing was the niece's response to the bird being taken by the crow. They were her birds, and yet it was all about the narrator. I feel some of her reactions could have strengthened this piece.

Still, a nice piece, and technically very good.


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Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, I found this thanks to anniversary reviews.

As I do this, there are two flash pieces in this collection.

You have taken to the art of the flash piece, telling a tale in very few words, very well. Technically, I could find no errors, and these were easy to read.

The first one was a really strong one. Dante and Annaleise managed to have their own characters even without many words, and the ending made me chuckle. Really well done.

In the second, there was something that didn't quite ring true for me - he was in a busy office yet could hear the footfalls? They could have been in his mind, but that was not really alluded to. That drew me out a little.

Still, good works of flash. Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I looked at your port for an anniversary review, and found this.

I agree with so many of your points here. This does read like a ramble, as you put it, but it would not take much to move this into the realms of a good argument. There were a couple of times when you explained your point, but most was just the point. Adding to those with explanations (especially using the Bible against itself) would go towards making this sligthly more cohesive.

Technically, this is good with a few little things that a thorough edit will clean up, though nothing really bad.

This felt a little like the first draft of a good argument piece. It is good, but it could have been really strong.


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Review of SNOW  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your port because you are the featured author, but I am glad I did and stumbled across this.

Nicely done piece! Technically, this was very strong. No errors that I could see, and a good flow.

But what I liked most about this was that it was an anthropomorphisation of Snow without making it human in attitude. That is something that is not done well in any level of writing, and yet you have nailed it. The way you have centred on a single pilot and their plane adds something to the tale as well; this is not just a description but actually tells a story.

I also like the way you start each paragrah with another part of Snow's "personality".

Sorry that I can offer no advice, but just know I really enjoyed this.

Great work!


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Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your port while looking for annversary reviews, and this poem struck me.

I'm not sure if it is meant this way, but I had 3 different readings of it. The straight forward "this is an animal" reading, a supernatural (therianthrope) reading, and the reading of a person who becomes not pleasant at night after a few too many drinks, in the company of friends. Any of these ways, it works, and this layered meaning is a real strength of the poem.

However, I read poems out loud, and the rhyming scheme (that constant "-ite" sound) meant I wanted to give it a rhythm that the syllable count did not have. This is a personal thing, I admit, but it did make the poem feel awkward to me.

Still, a good poem and one that tells a creepy tale.

Good luck going forward!


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Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a good little story about hating the night, and the reasons behind it are sound. There is something about the description of the final death scene that rings really nicely with its inherent gore-horror.

My only issue is it felt too short. I think the build up could have been extended to really paint the picture of a loving couple, some conversations, descriptions of actions, that sort of thing, to make the final ending come as an even greater shock than it does.

To explain: the paragraph that starts "A giant fist..." is so strong. If we could have similar descriptions for the happier times earlier in the night, then I think this tale could have had more impact.

Still, a fine tale.


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Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting horror story. The idea is reminiscent of a few stories I have read, but there also seems to be some sort of allegorical meaning behind it with people sticking their heads in the dirt.

The jump to the memories was a little awkward. It starts with him holding the orb, then four years ago, but then it was last year. The time felt a little over the place. However, the response of Jeter felt muted. He was remembering his own family sticking their heads in the dirt and becoming human plants and his emotions did not feel like anything serious. It just lacked a punch to make it feel more visceral.

As for the competition, Halloween felt a little peripheral.

Technically, this was fine. A few missing pieces of punctuation, but that was all.

Good story!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Paige  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting little story. It is a style I have seen a bit, and so I did guess the ending, but that did not take away from the story.

As an all-dialogue/dialogue-only piece, it works quite well, and the scene shift at the end was well delineated.

I think the only thing I would say here is you have only half punctuated the direct speech where addressing someone is concerned. e.g. "I love you Paige, I always will. " should be "I love you, Paige, I always will." It might seem a little thing, but it can change the meaning of what is written.

There were also a few other punctuation errors and then there was "feeding you a home"... he fed her an entire house? And she ate it?

Still, a decent take on an old trope.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Power and Games  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fun little bit of flash fiction. I would argue with the conclusion, but it was pretty much the same thing my ex told me, so...

I think you have handled the restraints of flash fiction well with the telling of this story. However, one line didn't quite work:

“Excuse me?” Janet said, she was the only other person in the room, and she had just walked in.

It runs on and the punctuation feels off.

I'd suggest something like:

“Excuse me?” Janet asked. She had only just entered, and quickly realised she was the only other person there.

It's not brilliant, I know, but it is the same word count.

Anyway, still a good story.
Good luck with the contest!


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Review of Lend Me Your Ear  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This reminds me of an anonymous quote - we no longer have dialogues but intersecting monologues.

Could your brief work here have asked why this has happened? What has caused it? Is it social medias with their one-way communication? Is it an increasingly partisan society? These are the sorts of things that could have built up something to get to the core of a problem you describe well.

Technically, there are a few punctuation errors. And "...of tha attentivee earr..." shows that maybe an edit was not done?

Still, an interesting piece, one that I feel could have been fleshed out a little more.


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