|Hi, Jack, I’m so happy to read this story, especially as it uses the prompts you suggested for the contest.
The beginning of the story drew me in straight away. You began with dialogue, I have always liked that. I have been told, more than once, that it’s not the best way to start a story, but I’ve usually ignored that ‘advice.’ I don’t know whether it’s the same for you, but by listening to the voice of a character, it helps enormously.
The character of Jim Penny is one the reader would easily feel empathy for. He was a young man trying his best to keep his head above water by working at a boring job with an overbearing boss. It appears his good looks and personality had been noticed as he had the opportunity to do a few commercials. However it’s not what he truly desires; he wants to be a singing star.
The storm outside emphasised his worries, his lack of money and his dilemma. Should he hold out for his dream or compromise for the sake of paying some bills?
Jim’s rash decision to flee into the night, leaving his phone behind was foolhardy as we discover. I felt dismay, frustration and disappointment at the ending.
This was a great use of the prompts. So pleased you were inspired to “pick up a pen,” again.