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Public Reviews
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I’ve read chapter five and enjoyed it as much as the the previous chapters. There was more useful backstory about why Gary is battling so hard to get his peers to take his research seriously. I’m unsure though that doing the ‘trick’ on a tv show will get him the outcome he’s wanting.
The first paragraph made me take a second glance though with your use of an interrobang: ?! together after a word. Apparently this is acceptable in casual usage such as texting etc, but rarely in a more formal setting.

Once again I must say how much I enjoy reading your dialogue. I’ve learned something. It flows so well without unnecessary dialogue tags which pull the reader away from the flow of the action.

Thanks again for sharing an intriguing story.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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27
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, this chapter explains a lot. Gary is an even more complex character than I first thought. His living arrangements and habits surprised me, I suppose I imagined him to be more of an OCD type, but I was so wrong.
What I was impressed with was the way you explained the unexplainable. I couldn’t imagine a way of writing the scene with the spoon: He then compressed the universe along the thread until everything in the universe that touched that line co-existed at a point in front of her at the same time. Within this incredibly dense - but massless - jumble existed both of her hands and the spoon
In those two sentences you attempted to explain something that is impossible to imagine and yet I could! I think it was the image of a pink thread that clarified the image for me.
I like where you end this chapter, it leaves the reader needing to turn the page to see what Cherie will do next. My bet she’s packing her bags as we speak!




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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, the story continues apace, it has lost no momentum which is quite a difficult task in a story which is mainly set in one location and time.
My favourite character is Cherie. I’ve met people like her in real life. They’re the ones who can spot potential where others can’t, yet at the same time have confidence they can help that person achieve that potential.
I can’t yet get a feeling for Lacy although the last paragraph gave me an insight to her struggle and determination to get to the place where we, the reader, find her.
There was one typo: one hell of a resum/FONT> builder for you."
Of course you may not be able to fix any typos I find as the novel has already been published.
Looking forward to Chapter Four.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, I’m still here. Chapter two has the same momentum as the prologue and chapter one. It leaves the reader even more keen to see what Cherie can pull off. Can she really change Gary into the appearance of a normal human being? Can he actually win this contest? And don’t tempt me into believing there may be an actual love interest?
Agh!
There is one thing that makes me jump out of the story, a thing which makes me realise I’m reading a story and not living a story and that is your constant use of parentheses. Each time you do, I’m taken away from the rest of the text. I wish you could incorporate the words used in the parentheses into the storyline. This is simply a personal preference and I know some big note authors have used them but…
The only other word which I didn’t get was: a greethe smile. This was used by another contestant. Wasn’t sure of what you could have meant. Maybe a greasy smile?
Anyway I’m really wrapped up in Gary’s progress and chapter three here I come.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Where's Noah?  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I’m reviewing this very short entry for I Write in 24
As it’s so short, just 32 words, it’s difficult to give an in-depth review.
I do know this contest though as I also entered it. Your entry is inspirational. I hadn’t thought a biblical reference could be apt, but yes, on reflection one could imagine a city inundated after weeks of precipitation. The title is amusing and may well appeal to Jeremy😂
Good luck in the contest.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kåre Enga in Udon Thani I read this poem out aloud and it soothed me with its simplicity. I can imagine you sitting, watching, seeing the beauty in an unthinking act; Breaking a stick and carelessly throwing it into the water. There was the water, the stick and Avery. And you.
Beautiful. Thank you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, as promised I’ve returned to read chapter one, which proved you left me with no option but to come back after the prologue. And that is what a writer needs to hear, that his reader can’t wait to find out what happens next.
What happens next: three little words we’ve been saying since we were children and being read to. In fact even day to day when a neighbour or friend is relating an occurrence we are usually simply waiting to find out what happens next.
Now I’ve reached the end of chapter one you still have me. So I’ll be back tomorrow to read chapter two because like Cherie I too need to know how Gary goes on in Phase four.
I love the naturalness of the dialogue and how you didn’t feel the need to repeat Gary’s name continuously. A simple he said, was sufficient and I liked that.
There was one thing which surprised me and that was he was still in contact with his abusive mother. But on reflection maybe that rings true as many people who were abused still want to desperately please that parent or guardian.
I was surprised he became a magician also as there was no hint in the prologue. But that’s fine it was there to give an insight to the protagonist whose life we were about to be absorbed in if we chose to continue reading.
Thank you for the first chapter. It was great.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
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Review by Sumojo
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, this is a good prologue, it does as it’s intended, that is to pique the reader’s interest and eager to turn the page. It’s very late her in Australia and I was readying myself for sleep. But I’ll definitely read chapter one tomorrow. Goodnight, Sue.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I thought I’d repay the favour and visit your portfolio. I decided to read your poem. Ode to a dead deer…
I do believe I’ve learned a new word today; chimerical.
I read the poem out aloud as I tend to do with poetry. I actually know nothing about the rules of poetry but I do enjoy writing and reading it. This poem is fantastic. I love the rhythm as well as the rhyme, the tension and build up to the moment of impact and what led up to it.
You are new to WdC but certainly not new to writing and I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing.
Cheers Sue.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Baby  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Loyd, welcome to WdC. I came across this story in the Read and Review section. And how happy I am to have discovered you so early in your membership here. I’m always on the lookout for stories which interest me and I must admit I’m a sucker for birth stories.
You wrote this so well, I must presume you have been in a similar situation. Your characters were so believable and the dialogue flowed seamlessly. Janie had it all planned didn’t she? Eric was typical of first time fathers, afraid to do the wrong thing. He was determined not to be cliche, to be cool and contained as if this was just another day and event in their lives.
The last line summed it up nicely, nothing is truer than those words; and everything changed forever.
I’ll certainly be checking out your other stories in your portfolio and hope they keep me glued to the page as this one did. I appreciated the well spaced out paragraphs and the larger font.
The only error I saw was in the line: Clichwas not one of them
I’m presuming you meant cliche


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Review of The Devil  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, there John, I’ve just finished reading this story and thought I’d share my thoughts. I could imagine the scene. A group of people in a circle such as an alcoholics group. But maybe I was mistaken. Could it have been a book launch? It wasn’t made clear as to what sort of group it was.
Mary’s nerves were on show at the beginning, with her reluctance to share her story. This makes me wonder if she’s a reluctant but successful writer.
I think the most poignant part of this story is that it showed the importance of being careful choosing one’s words when one reviews someone’s stories. I know for a fact, having been on the receiving end, criticism hurts. I don’t mean the sort of criticism which is helpful, constructive, but the thoughtless, sometimes nasty remarks.
I had one such review which had I’d received it at the start of my attempts at writing would have stopped me putting pen to paper ever again. So I loved to discover that Mary continued writing in spite of her reviewer. In fact she turned out to be a prolific bestselling author. How wonderful.
I loved the way you wrote about her religious doubts and fears in the beginning and tied it in nicely at the end with the mysterious Michael, whom it appears was some sort of evangelical character who was in touch with the other side?
Thank you for sharing this story and keep on writing more.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Hapenis  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon i found your poem on Read and Review. I scrolled on, looking for something which piqued my interest, something out of the box, so to speak. There it was, a poem called Hapenis. Written so long ago, I noted, but the subject matter is as old as time, so it hasn’t lost anything throughout the ensuing years.
I’m not the owner of a penis, so I can’t really know how your member leads you on and dictates the manner of your day, but you describe your relationship with said ; add whatever moniker name here.
Thank you for a smile.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I’ve come across your story in, Read and Review. I see you amalgamated two separate prompts for the Daily Flash contest. The two prompts worked well together in this story of mystery.
The geographical setting sounds as if it’s an actual town and that gives the story a sense of realism. Of course there are many things which can’t be explained although I’ve never heard of a whole building disappearing. But we writers can make anything seem possible.
Thank you for sharing.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ultimatum  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Vicki, I just read your story. I really enjoyed it, but of course felt sorry for Tim. Hoarding is an illness and hard to understand. However I thought this was going to end very differently. Of course that’s just the way my mind works and if you’ve read anything of mine I do have a tendency for a more twisted ending.
It’s good Leeann had a good friend to come and help her. Roberta was going to come and assist. But help her to do what? Would it be easier to clear the house or dare I suggest it, get rid of Tim?


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Review of Musings...  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Gaby, I’m reviewing your piece of writing for ‘I Write in 24.’
What touched me most was the picture of that little girl who had drawn her heart out only to be ridiculed. It’s hard to believe a teacher could be so cruel, but I do believe it because I had one such teacher. I’m amazed you have still managed to put it behind you, although with great difficulty, and still proceed to be so creative.
I know nothing about graphic design but we’re surrounded by examples each and everyday without consciously realising it. It’s great to be able to find an outlet for your artistic eye. You obviously seek images that speak to you, images you can utilise in your new found art. One needs to have an eye for colour and design to be able to complete a picture that is pleasing to the eye. It makes me happy to know you have found this outlet. I too know the pleasure of being in an art supply store, surrounded by every colour and medium. The excitement of taking home tubes of paint and art paper. But then being thwarted by one’s own lack of talent and the inevitable disappointment.
But I found my artistic outlet very late in life when I began to write.
I’m hoping you at least had a teacher who encouraged and nurtured your love of words.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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for entry "~ Nature or Nurture ~
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Ruwth, I’m reviewing this entry as part of I Write in 2024.
This entry for, ‘Share your Faith,’ certainly shows the uniqueness of yourself. I’d go as far as to say there’d be no one else like you. It shows examples of your individuality in such an unusual format, and there was nothing I personally didn’t find either amusing, interesting or surprising. To say you’ve led a different life to many of us would be an understatement.
You began the piece asking yourself whether the way you went headlong into your life was moulded by nature or nurture. I wonder whether having written so many examples of your drive and determination to do things your way, you’ve come to a conclusion how you came to be the way you are?
I enjoyed so much reading about the many examples you described. It seems as if you were determined to miss out on nothing.
I admired the child you were, especially the way you stood up to the teacher, something I would have never dared to do. Your self confidence shone out throughout, like a beacon.
Daring to hitchhike was something else I would never done either.
You’ve led an amazing, varied, interesting life, Ruwth, thank you so much for sharing just a little of it with us.



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Review of Piano Time  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Vicki, I loved this story. How wonderful to have your talent. I’m envious actually. When I was young, the youngest of three children, my brothers both had musical instrument lessons. My eldest brother played the piano. Mr Kirk came each week to our house and I’d sit and watch, wishing I could have lessons. But my mother said I needed to go to elocution lessons and learn to speak like a lady.😂
How fortunate you were to have your grandmother teach you and to have that closeness with her. Such special memories.
I loved reading about your fifteen minutes of fame too. You must have been so proud.
I wonder if you still play? I’m sure it’s something you never forget how to do and you must have been asked so often to play at parties.
Having a piano in the home isn’t so common these days, I find. Probably because children have so many other interests and of course their screens!
Thank you so much for sharing your Dream that came true.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Hope. I really enjoyed this story; an unexpected little treat.
I’m sure we all have come across ‘know it all,” kids at some time in our lives. It wasn’t to be unexpected that someone was going to try to get revenge. But stinging nettles was a quite innovative choice and obviously one which worked, but a little too well.
I was intrigued by the Heneage Finch, or is it Finch Heneage? I’ve never heard of Heneage used as a Christian name before. Maybe you invented it? Anyway it suited him and his type of personality.
But the line I liked best was the last. It completed the story with a smile for this reader. Well done Hope. Keep on writing such little gems.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi I’m reviewing this poem for ‘I write in 24. ‘
I’m afraid to admit I’ve never even heard of an An Archimedes Pi Chain poem before.
Well done, you fulfilled the brief by using the correct number of words per line as required.
Now to the poem itself. You chose carefully with your words, I particularly enjoyed the first and second lines: Beginnings ending again. Vanished. Those words certainly makes one think. They are open to interpretation. Were you writing about a new year? How we start a new one with hopes and expectations for better things and then that too ends and vanishes?
I wasn’t sure about the word: predestined in the fifth line. I hope it’s not predestined as that takes away my hope things will improve.
Well done with this piece. It certainly made me think about life and love.
Happy New Year.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Normality  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Kare, this was a beautifully written piece. I loved this paragraph: I was the wounded fox quivering in the dark forest waiting for the fog of oblivion, the seed wedged in a crack in the parched pavement waiting for the rain. And I was the golden child who didn't know he was fool's gold waiting for a hug he never received.
It epitomised the way you often speak about your life, as if you’ve already had many lives and none of which you’ve found particularly satisfying or meaningful. But maybe you’re such a good writer you’re able to write a story such as this without feeling the angst which you instilled into this reader.
I wish you all the happiness for a better 2024, Kare.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Untitled  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, this is probably a good observation. But not everyone can change the world, we do need pen pushers. However there are the ones who aren’t all talk, that do have a fire in the belly which never gets extinguished by years of setbacks and other people’s doubts. I don’t think it’s because it’s convenient, there’s another word you could have used. Maybe disillusionment?


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Review of Songs for My Dogs  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your Secret Santa sneaking in!

Hi there, this is your Secret Santa paying you a visit as I said I would. You didn’t even know, did you?
Anyway while I was here I decided to put my feet up and read myself a story.
I’m a dog person too, although I’d forgive you if you thought Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer was my favourite animal. I don’t tell him I prefer dogs in case he goes on strike. He’s prone to sulking.
I loved this delightful tale of your musical dogs. What a great training tool. Dogs are so smart aren’t they?
I did note this was written a long time ago and as our furry friends lives are much too short, they’re no longer with you.
However you probably have another one whom you love and have taught it even more songs and dance tunes.
Anyway it warmed my heart to read this story.
I’ll be on my way now. Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year.
From your Secret Santa.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for sharing this tale of rule 42. Like so many rules they often backfire, rarely producing the effect they set out to achieve.
I loved the quirky way you wrote this story. It reminded me a little of Dr, Suesses’s ‘The Grinch.’ A town of tiny people struggling to find a solution.
I enjoyed how some, not all, of the story rhymed it’s something that needs to be read aloud to appreciate the clever, unique style.
Thank you again for a perfectly lovely five minutes of reading.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
49
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, Vicki, what can I say? You’ve certainly been through some experiences with health issues, haven’t you? Your description of your heart attack was gripping, much like the pain you described so vividly. You must have been very young to have had such a massive attack. It would have been so easy for your life to have ended there on that bathroom floor with so many people unaware so close by.
Hopefully you’re in good health now. You said you’ve completed your bucket list? It made me wonder what was on the list and also made me think about my own list, which I actually don’t have😂
There aren’t many things I feel as if I should complete before I die, such as travel etc. Done my share of travelling and am quite content, although I’d love to live and see how all my great grandchildren, all six of them, turn out. And we have a brand new grandson from our son and his wife who thought they’d never have kids. Our oldest grandchild is 36 and the new one less than a year! So yes, you’re right, life is short. Health is everything. Thank you so much for sharing your heart attack experience. I’m so pleased you are still able to tell the story.
Sue.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Aura Of Authority  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, foxtale Thank you for requesting I review your story, ‘Aura of Authority.’

First let me mention the title, which I thought was a great choice for this piece. As I reflected on the words of the title, I came to the realisation that most times when Authority is being utilised, it's by giving the impression, or an Aura, which makes it even work at all.
On first read through I could tell it was written with so much love and pride the words almost jumped off the screen. The visuals were well portrayed, especially the dressmaker's dummy standing on the top of the stairs draped in all manner of things, which most likely had been tossed there without a thought. But the lifesaver's red whistle meant so much, more than anyone could possibly know, as in that little object was built in the hopes, dreams and determination of your daughter.

The story follows a somewhat predictable trajectory where Melanie faces a challenge, overcomes it, and gains confidence. While this is a classic storytelling structure, adding unexpected twists or moments of uncertainty could have enhanced the engagement for the reader.

Character Development: While Melanie's growth and transformation are evident, there is room for more depth in her character. I would have appreciated getting to know your daughter more. Her thoughts and emotions.

Dialogue: The dialogue is informative, but it could benefit from more natural and varied language to make the characters' conversations feel more authentic.

Setting Description: While there is some description of the setting, more vivid and sensory details could immerse the reader further into the world of the story. Engage the reader's senses by describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the beach, the lifeguard stand, and the lake.

Pacing: The story has a good pace overall, but some sections could be condensed for brevity, while others might benefit from more detail.


Showing vs. Telling: In some places, the story leans towards telling rather than showing. Consider incorporating more scenes and actions that allow the reader to experience the story alongside the characters.

Overall it’s a beautiful, family, story. The red whistle represent Melanie's journey, growth, and the bond between family members.



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