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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sumojo/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
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315 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review of Shiver  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’m reviewing this untitled story as part of I write 2020.

There are some great visuals in this story. I could imagine the two friends peering through the bushes at the haunted house, their excitement tinged with fear. The story also has a little comedy in it when she teases her friend with the words: "Er ...Ghosts don't eat dinner, idiot“
Thanks for sharing this flash fiction. I hope it did well.
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Review of The Indian  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hi Jack, this is a great story. It follows the prompts you gave us for Anthology 2 very well. I liked the way the story is told using the voice of Detective Burgos. It reminded me a little of Dragnet. I don’t know whether you remember Joe Friday?
The story flowed well covering many years. The relationship between Indian and the Detective was an integral part and you showed it well.
The dialogue sounded genuine and flowed well. The only error I could see was in chapter 3. The second mostly missed, a few of the pellets peppering Rae's sleeve. Then the bike hit him, the front wheel slamming into his ankles and knocking him ass-over-teakettle as he flew down the driveway and crashed on the back of his head.
This reads as if the bike had hit Rae and yet it’s not until the second paragraph we read: as I went to check on Bodaway. Blood was spreading from the back of his head and he was completely unresponsive. Did you mean it to read that the bike had hit Indian on the back of the head? Maybe I’ve misread it?

Anyway, it’s a great story, a worthy addition to the anthology.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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28
Review of The Indian  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jack, this is a great story. It follows the prompts you gave us for Anthology 2 very well. I liked the way the story is told using the voice of Detective Burgos. It reminded me a little of Dragnet. I don’t know whether you remember Joe Friday?
The story flowed well covering many years. The relationship between Indian and the Detective was an integral part and you showed it well.
The dialogue sounded genuine and flowed well. The only error I could see was in chapter 3. The second mostly missed, a few of the pellets peppering Rae's sleeve. Then the bike hit him, the front wheel slamming into his ankles and knocking him ass-over-teakettle as he flew down the driveway and crashed on the back of his head.
This reads as if the bike had hit Rae and yet it’s not until the second paragraph we read: as I went to check on Bodaway. Blood was spreading from the back of his head and he was completely unresponsive. Did you mean it to read that the bike had hit Indian on the back of the head? Maybe I’ve misread it?

Anyway, it’s a great story, a worthy addition to the anthology.
29
29
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville thanks for giving these words one last outing. I liked the second verse....forgotten bones and meat! Wow. 😮 I suppose that’s true. Sad but true. 😩
30
30
Review of I Am Jellyfish  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi Jellyfish, I sought out someone who’s anniversary is the 14th September, the same as mine. It seems as if you’ve been here much longer than my two years. However it doesn’t matter how long one has been a member, it doesn’t take long to become entranced. This piece made me laugh out loud as I too am addicted to WdC. It reminded me of myself trying to explain, to anyone, what I do most days. The place where I go to. My dopamine fix.
I loved the dialogue between you and the other character, and how cool was it to be able to dismiss the voice‘s opinion as immaterial, not real? It was just someone you made up.
Like you say, there are so many other things we addicts should be doing, instead of writing, reviewing, reading or just hanging out here in WdC sphere. But nowhere near as much fun.
Thank you so much for sharing this amusing piece of dialogue, I loved it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Artful Flower May I be one of the first to welcome you to WdC? My name is Sue and I’ve been a member for two years on the 14th September. I hope you receive as much support and help with your writing as I have.

I have just finished reading your story. The title, “Is the water warm enough?” has a menacing tone. A great title for this psychological thriller. Your story is captivating and had me on edge the whole time I was reading it. You describe the girl’s feelings of horror really well and my heart went out to her. Her mother, the one person in the world she should have been able to trust, let her down with her denial.
Lili’s paranoia increases as the story unfolds. You describe her fear of water, and the reader could imagine the clouds of blood she saw every time she saw even a glass of water. This story would transfer well to the screen as a horror story.

There were a few things which I noticed which could make the story flow better. They were just repeats of words or phrases which are easily fixed. In the second and third paragraphs you said “the tub was spotless“ in both. Maybe find another way of saying the same thing.
In the paragraph after the nightmare scene, you say “my bed, my hair, my clock, my face, my bedroom. Try not to repeat words so much, so close together.
I think I’d change the scene of when she wakes up from being dragged from the pool unconscious, to waking up in hospital. It would be more realistic.
Check out Writing.Com Tools to help with centralising your paragraph breaks.

I really loved this story. Your imagination is wonderful and so is your story telling.
Thank you so much for sharing. Keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Moral Weakness
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Carly, I just finished reviewing Jeff’s musical piece and just as I went back to, I Write, I saw you’d beaten me to it!
So here goes. It’s really tricky for me to do a meaningful review on a piece of only 24 syllables. I was surprised to find the second meaning, that of failing to act...
I had only heard of supine as lying down. However you have used the word correctly in context. I suppose we should all be more vocal and protest more in the face of racial injustice. However it can’t be done in 24 syllables.
Well done for trying ipwithin these parameters.
Cheers Sue
33
33
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The aspirations of young people, boys as well as girls, hopefully are changing since this song was released. I know it’s only five years ago, but the groundswell of public opinion against the abuse of young women is growing. Schools have a big role to play in this regard, they’re teaching girls, they can be anything they want to be. They are teaching our young men that women aren’t there for their sexual gratification.
I’m pleased you differentiated between the young woman who simply wants to find a man to support her financially for the rest of her life, and that young woman who wants to be the best role model for her children, who wants to teach them right from wrong and to make a comfortable home in which to grow up safely.
I haven’t listened to the words of the song in question, but the title says it all, doesn’t it?
Powerful men will always have their trophy wives, and there will always be the women to take on that role. They are in the minority though. It takes work to stay looking the part of the “loving wife” often to a man decades older. Hours spent at the beauty parlour. What a waste of a life.
Thanks for raising this subject, I hope your daughter makes you proud.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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34
Review of Supine  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OMG it’s so difficult to make a worthy review on something that’s just 24 syllables. I sighed and thought, well I’ll have to check it out or I’ll miss my chance to double up. Anyway, Jeff, I’m pleased I did because it made me smile, even chuckle when I read the last line. Thanks for sharing. Well done.
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for entry "~ No More Smores ~
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Oh my, this was a disaster trip, wasn’t it. Thank you so much for sharing. I did smile, although I’m sure you weren’t finding much to smile about. The best thing about experiences such as these, they make great fodder for a writer!
I do hope things improved somewhat and at least a little fun was had by all.
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Review of The Hole  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari I’m reading this story as a fellow ‘I Write 2020’ member.
Well, for such a short story it certainly conjured up a great visual for me. I can almost see everyone standing around the mysterious hole as first the cat, and then the police sergeant, disappear. You may have written it for the dialogue only contest? If so it’s a great entry.
Thanks for sharing this funny piece.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Words Whirling 'Round Congratulations on your worthy win in the Prompt contest. Your story has a chilling feel to it, right from the get go. A story of sibling rivalry, a jealous older sister who is sick of having to take care of a baby sister. who’s very existence has ruined her life.
The image of the blackbirds gathering is an ominous one. I am old enough to remember the movie, The Birds.
Ellen spitefully leaves Dory behind, lying to her grandmother she hadn’t taken Dory with her. Inexplicably the blackbirds attack the small child, leading to bad facial injuries. Ellen is left with the guilt of her actions and the dreams which haunt her forever of the blackbirds singing, taunting her.
Thank you for sharing this well written story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
38
Review of Stormy Weather  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jack, I’m so happy to read this story, especially as it uses the prompts you suggested for the contest.
The beginning of the story drew me in straight away. You began with dialogue, I have always liked that. I have been told, more than once, that it’s not the best way to start a story, but I’ve usually ignored that ‘advice.’ I don’t know whether it’s the same for you, but by listening to the voice of a character, it helps enormously.
The character of Jim Penny is one the reader would easily feel empathy for. He was a young man trying his best to keep his head above water by working at a boring job with an overbearing boss. It appears his good looks and personality had been noticed as he had the opportunity to do a few commercials. However it’s not what he truly desires; he wants to be a singing star.
The storm outside emphasised his worries, his lack of money and his dilemma. Should he hold out for his dream or compromise for the sake of paying some bills?
Jim’s rash decision to flee into the night, leaving his phone behind was foolhardy as we discover. I felt dismay, frustration and disappointment at the ending.
This was a great use of the prompts. So pleased you were inspired to “pick up a pen,” again.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
39
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Review of A Study in Grey  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Madeleine, I thought I’d pop over to your portfolio and have a look around and came across this great little story.
The title is very apt, as is the cover picture. I was intrigued from the very beginning, needing to carry on reading until the very end.
The reader doesn’t discover until the end about the killer’s lack of colour perception. I’ve never heard of that happening to anyone before, if you invented that, then well done for your imagination.
The killing scene has a darkness but is tinged with comedy somehow. I really enjoyed the third paragraph. You incorporated the murder of her parents as just another thing to do on her list along with the hoovering. Very macabre.
The term, ‘a little picnic of dead bodies’, is gruesome in the extreme, but a great choice of words.

Suggestions: The light revealed soft carpet and smooth leather and a glowing fireplace (it was cold, even with the sun beaming as it was) and blankets strewn over soft cushions and two dead bodies. I think this sentence would sound better if you omitted the bracketed phrase.
The light revealed soft carpet and smooth leather, glowing fireplace, blankets strewn over soft cushions and two dead bodies. It has more impact.

In the following sentence, did you intend to say being on the lookout?
She would have heard the grim voice of the reporter droning on about people ebbing on the lookout for her van.

I really liked this story. It was very imaginative and a worthy recipient of the award.
I’ll certainly be popping into your port again.
Well done. Keep on writing.
Cheers Sue



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
40
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Review of Night Thoughts  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a beautiful piece of poetry. It encompasses a life together, long lived with all the highs and lows. What’s left? Just the two of you. The ones that started out together on a journey. Now the journey is coming to its inevitable end, yet still you’re together. The same and yet different. Sharing the same bed, feeling the closeness that only comes with years of familiarity. Simply touching each other gives a sense of security. A feeling that we’re not alone throughout the darkness.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I loved it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden I adore this piece. With your permission I am planning on printing it out to take with me to my weekly writing group. We have endless discussions on sentence structure, including length. I laughed out loud as I read your piece (poem) or whatever you’d like to call it. It proves one can write a sentence as long as one likes so long as it is punctuated correctly. I’m the first to admit my commas are sprinkled throughout my work without angst. Reading out loud is my way of judging where a comma should or ought to be. I love your way of writing most things actually and have been a ‘fan’ for a while. Thank you for sharing this piece, maybe you should put it out there again. The trouble with items once they have settled in to a portfolio they get lost in the ether unless one is inspired to seek out a piece. Usually it’s just luck when one falls over a gem like this.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
42
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Review of Time  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The thing I really loved about this piece is the honesty. You have expressed, in such a unique way, the struggles throughout the life of whoever it is you are writing about. It may be yourself, I don’t know. It reminds me of my granddaughter’s difficult journey to find happiness. Unfortunately she’s not there yet, but where there is life there is hope.

The first verse was the most sad. I hate to think of any three year old experiencing mistrust and betrayal.
The fourth verse is heartbreaking although you didn’t spell it out it sounded to me like a cry for help from this fourteen year old, well I hope that’s all it was and not a genuine attempt.
At seventeen she decided to chase down those monsters and face them with a battle cry.
At last, in the ultimate verse, I could breathe, she found happiness, peace and love.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, insightful piece. It was beautifully written.
Keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
43
43
Review of Name of Names  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mastiff As a fellow member of I write 2020 I’m reviewing this piece ‘Name of Names.’
The story kept me interested from the beginning until the end. I’m telling you this because the walking dead and fan fiction is not something I would normally attempt to read. This story however may have changed my mind a little.
The main character is well described from the moment we meet him as a dependent youth escaping from an invasion along side his father. When he realises he is alone is when he begins to grow as a man.

The world in which the story is set is becoming more of a reality as we in 2020 begin to view our fellow human beings as maybe a source of disease and to be avoided. Of course this is nothing like that, as the Zombies or the Undead’s sole aim is to destroy any living human being they come across.
You kept the tension throughout the story which covers several years. The boy grows into a man who has to be forever vigilant.
The ending came as a little light relief when his rescuers renamed him Jesus because of his looks.

I did wonder if this story had been taken from a previously written story. You mentioned that the narrator’s foster father was advising the younger man what to pack for their great escape. What was the reason to make the character a foster father when afterwards you called him Dad and my father? He’d obviously been a big part of the boy’s life as it was he who’d taught him to fight and survive. I would drop the foster-father unless you want to explain what had happened to his real dad.

As more of a romantic I’m hoping that one of those female rescuers becomes his lifelong love? No? Okay wrong genre😩
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the read.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff , thank you for writing such unsettling story, you managed to keep me awake all night.😱
I see this is an old story of yours but believe me it still packs a punch. The moment when the phone began ringing under the sheet of the body on the gurney made my heart leap. The fact it was her husband who had done the shooting was bad enough but when the last two bodies turned out to be her kids was pretty shocking. I read the story to my husband who always, without fail, guesses the twist in stories but even he said he hadn’t seen that coming. So well done on that score.
The only thing that made me doubt the scenario was Carmen working solo. Once she’d received the news of six bodies coming to the morgue all at once she would had needed to call in reinforcements. However that’s nit-picking and for her to be alone worked better for the shock factor.
The last line worked well too in a macabre way. Her family, who missed her so much when she worked such long hours joined her there. Did her husband guess it would be his wife who would have to face this scenario. If so this just adds to the horror.
To say I enjoyed it wouldn’t be true but I certainly will remember it and I guess that’s the true test of a well written story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
45
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Words Whirling 'Round thanks for this lovely story and memory you have of time spent with your dad. You wrote of a time long ago when people accepted goods for services. This story reminds me so much of my husband. He’ll have a go at anything a typical Jack of all trades. The chainsaw incident made me laugh and I read your story out loud to my husband as he eventually had to admit defeat when he couldn’t get his chainsaw to start.
You described your father’s frustration perfectly and in a humorous fashion. As I read out all the steps you mentioned to get the thing started my husband nodded in agreement. He never ended up hitting it with a sledge hammer although I’m sure he must have felt like it. The colourful language was certainly part of the process. I heard it as I passed by the shed, silently.
In the end the chainsaw was put back together appearing as if this a great bargain for someone and dropped off at the local Men’s Shed where it was pounced upon by someone who declared “thanks mate, I can get this going, no problem!”
Thanks for sharing such a lovely story and giving us a smile.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
46
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for entry "Picturesque
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi hullabaloo22 , this piece is written at a time when the earth has been able to take a breather. Mankind has been forced to hide away for a while, to stop the continuous abuse of our planet. This has given our rivers and air time to recover just a little. Unfortunately for the earth and the animals this won’t last and the air will once again be full of fumes from our cars, aircraft and factories.
I liked how you personified the lake in this story, you managed to perfectly convey its antagonism toward the perpetrators who had destroyed the health and beauty of this body of water.
The same thing is happening to our oceans. We are only recently being made aware of how much rubbish and plastic is in the water, killing our sea creatures. We, ourselves are consuming micro plastics into our bodies at a alarming rate which surely must have alarming effects on our health.
Picturesque was a great title for the piece for even if a river, lake or stretch of countryside can be called picturesque underneath the surface unseen damage can be taking place.
As you so aptly stated, the natural world can manage to keep its dirty secrets hidden until it one day it simply can’t any longer.
The tsunami of water, mud, diseases and pollution which engulfs the neighbourhood came as a surprise, nature had its revenge.
I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
47
47
for entry "Summer
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow writing poetry
I read your poem ‘summer’ as part of I Write 2020. It’s apt I should happen to read this on the Summer Solstice day in the Northern hemisphere. Today we are experiencing the Winter Solstice of course here in Australia.
I actually prefer winter to summer and as I read your poem it brought back memories of the extremely hot summer we endured 2019/20. ‘The short night’s sweltering slumber’ made me compare to the good nights sleep I had last night to the many sleepless ones I have in the summer months. Although in your lovely words you mentioned the cooling rain which we were so short of. I saw the selection of words you had to choose from and the word Languorous jumped out at me. That’s such a lovely word and one which I would have had to use!
Thank you for sharing this poem. It’s lovely.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
48
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Review of What's in a Name?  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Odessa Molinari thanks for sharing this flash fiction story. It actually made me smile. I remember the singer Engelbert Humperdinck from years ago. We lived in the UK then and my mother-in-law was a huge fan of his.
Years later when we lived in Australia, as did my husband’s mother, he toured the country. Mother was a very old lady by this time but she wanted to go and see him play live. We took her and she was very excited. When he eventually came out on the stage, she whispered “ Who’s that old man?” She’d forgotten he had aged too!
Thanks for giving me that memory. Of course he had taken that name from Engelbert Humperdinck the German composer. His real name was Arnold Dorsey I think.
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for entry "Lucky Charm
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello hullabaloo22

Thank you for sharing your story. "From Maniac To Melancholia
I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First ImpressionsOh,I love these kind of stories. When nature gets its revenge.




*StarfishB*Plot
The story begins innocently enough as a rabbit’s foot causes consternation between friends. Kelly is the proud possessor of a lucky rabbits foot. Given to her by her Uncle to give her good fortune and to protect her from adversity. On a walk into the countryside Kelly becomes uneasy as she notices an unusual number of rabbits in her vicinity, they seem decidedly bold too. The scene is set in farmland, a place familiar to the main character. After a benign start the story takes on a creepy feeling as Kelly becomes more alarmed.



*StarfishB* Characters
The only character after the first few sentences is Kelly. Now, I’m presuming that Kelly is female but I may be mistaken.


*StarfishB*Climax
The climax is quite horrific as the rabbits begin to wreak havoc and herd Kelly into an oversized rabbit warren. As the earth begins to fall and trap her, she realises to her horror the rabbits are getting revenge for her possessing the foot of a rabbit and begin to gnaw off her feet. Then they leave her to suffocate in the collapsing tunnel from where she can’t escape.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
I have no suggestions to further this story. I may add that this could be expanded on and would be a worthy entry to the “Screams” Contest.





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for sharing this story. I will avoid any rabbits feet I may be offered in the future.




Reviewed by Sumojo



Frog in a Hanging Basket

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Gotta Hold On  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Fangus
I couldn’t help but make a reply to your heartfelt post. I am so sorry your country is experiencing so much pain this year. I can’t help but agree with you that much of the blame can be placed at the door of your President. Viewed from afar I think what is happening is not surprising after years of mismanagement and divisiveness.
We saw all the events of which you speak shown on our news channels and this has caused a groundswell of protests here in our country too, as it has all over the world. I think it’s a backlash of the fear and lack of control the Coronavirus has caused. People have a desire to feel there is something they can do to take back control after being forced to go into isolation. Of course I feel bad about George Lloyd, it’s terrible, I just wonder if the people are protesting not only about the Black Lives Matters but about everything that has happened this year.
I too am scared for my grandchildren and wonder what sort of world we are leaving them. I’m pleased to be getting to the latter end of my life, the world is changing to a place I no longer recognise.
Thank you so much for writing from your heart. Let’s hope things take a turn for the better in the next year or so.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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