Hello, foxtale Thank you for requesting I review your story, ‘Aura of Authority.’
First let me mention the title, which I thought was a great choice for this piece. As I reflected on the words of the title, I came to the realisation that most times when Authority is being utilised, it's by giving the impression, or an Aura, which makes it even work at all.
On first read through I could tell it was written with so much love and pride the words almost jumped off the screen. The visuals were well portrayed, especially the dressmaker's dummy standing on the top of the stairs draped in all manner of things, which most likely had been tossed there without a thought. But the lifesaver's red whistle meant so much, more than anyone could possibly know, as in that little object was built in the hopes, dreams and determination of your daughter.
The story follows a somewhat predictable trajectory where Melanie faces a challenge, overcomes it, and gains confidence. While this is a classic storytelling structure, adding unexpected twists or moments of uncertainty could have enhanced the engagement for the reader.
Character Development: While Melanie's growth and transformation are evident, there is room for more depth in her character. I would have appreciated getting to know your daughter more. Her thoughts and emotions.
Dialogue: The dialogue is informative, but it could benefit from more natural and varied language to make the characters' conversations feel more authentic.
Setting Description: While there is some description of the setting, more vivid and sensory details could immerse the reader further into the world of the story. Engage the reader's senses by describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the beach, the lifeguard stand, and the lake.
Pacing: The story has a good pace overall, but some sections could be condensed for brevity, while others might benefit from more detail.
Showing vs. Telling: In some places, the story leans towards telling rather than showing. Consider incorporating more scenes and actions that allow the reader to experience the story alongside the characters.
Overall it’s a beautiful, family, story. The red whistle represent Melanie's journey, growth, and the bond between family members.
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