Hi, Carly, this poem certainly takes me to some places I have visited.
Sometimes having a vacation such as you describe is good for the mind and body. After being on a back packing holiday through Thailand for seven weeks when we were in our sixties, just to stop walking miles in the heat, sightseeing and searching for budget accommodation, a break was needed. We craved a hammock on the beach and someone to serve us drinks. Sightseeing is tiring but a mixture of looking at temples and then just closing your eyes on a beach under a palm tree is sublime.
The best of both worlds.
Hi Jeff, this is an intriguing couple of sentences intended to hook a reader into continuing to read a story.
I think you succeeded in following the prompts image of a hand emerging from, or disappearing into the lake. It forces the reader to wonder if something supernatural is occurring.
Does the phenomenon occur often? Is it a murder victim attempting to point to his killer, refusing to accept death?
Anyway one would have to continue to read on to find the answers to the inevitable questions.
Well done.
Well done with this poem. I loved the rhythm, it flowed easily, smoothly, when being read aloud. There’s nothing quite like a good zombie invasion to make people sit up and take notice. Of all the scary thoughts, the one that frightens people the most is the thought of not only being dead, but worse. Not really being dead!
Hello, Happy Anniversary. This little story of procrastination rings true. We always can find something more pressing to do, especially if it includes another cup of tea. A lovely vignette of life. Thank you for sharing.
My name’s Sue, living in Australia for fifty plus years but in my heat England is still my home. Where in the UK do you live?
Hoping you can participate more this year. Just enter the flash fiction if that is what you obviously love to write. There’s a chance to gain gift points and people her on WdC will begin to notice your name. You’re a great writer, please share more.
Cheers Sue
I’m reviewing your poem for Twenty-three in Eleven.
I found this contest very interesting but challenging. The two words you invented were both really clever and your use of them in the poem seemed quite natural. I think a feathain would be a useful tool to have, especially as a writer, because nothing is more frustrating than a pen running out of ink when inspiration is flowing.
Well done on attempting a difficult prompt.
Hi, Amy-Jo, I’m reviewing this poem for Twenty-three in Eleven.
For such a short poem it says a lot. Written from the view of someone, either male or female who has been hurt in love. They are begging their lover not to leave them.
This form of poetry is a new one to me too. You followed the rules perfectly and the finished item is a joy to read. Well done.
I’m reviewing this poem for the 23 in 11 challenge.
The way you have expressed yourself in the poem feels as if you were excited, inspired even, when you wrote it. It is full of energy and optimism. I really liked it. In a way the excites the mind did you mean that mind?
Similarly on line six, that sends…
Good luck with the contest.
I read this story in this weeks newsletter and even though if I hadn’t known it was one of yours I would have guessed. You certainly have the talent for writing horror. This story actually gave me shivers and I so wanted her to escape the house and it’s horrors. Thank you for keeping me awake tonight.
Hi Amy, I love the sentiments in this poem. My favourite line is our love will stand the test of time, it’s not for the faint of heart. You speak the truth there, true love isn’t for the faint of heart. It will be tested over and over again the longer you are together. I can certainly attest to that after 58 years of marriage.
The only problem is that the poem is supposed to be a shape or concrete one. I’m the first to admit I had to look up what that even meant. I’d never even heard of such a genre. I think it’s supposed to appear to be in the shape of something recognisable, such as a heart for a poem about love.
Anyway I’m not criticising, as such a task would be out of my league.
So good luck in the contest.
Cheers Sue
I really enjoyed reading this imaginative story. I could hear the narrator’s voice in my head. He was seething in anger and his desire for revenge.
Your arachnids sound like malicious little avenging creatures. As a person who doesn’t like spiders the idea of them spreading their sticky webs over the earth make me shudder.
Well done following the prompt.
My goodness, Amy, you’re a glutton for punishment. I have a headache just thinking about all the writing you’ve committed to this year! I’m sure to meet you along the way as I attempt to enter at least a few of your contests, blogs and challenges.
Please do take care of your health though, take your meds regularly.
Happy new year to you and good luck. I think you’ll need it🤗🤣
Thank you for sharing your story. A story to yourself. I’m pleased you’re determined to be kinder to yourself, to have faith that you shall, one day, find those words we all seek. To write something that will bring pleasure to others. Maybe the story or novel won’t get published in the way you’re thinking of, but even here on WdC people can find your words, read, laugh, cry or evoke an emotion which you intended.
Being published is not the holy grail, just the pleasure of completing a piece to your own satisfaction is reward enough.
Keep writing, because you ARE a writer.
Hi there, as promised I visited your portfolio. I found this beautiful poem written from the heart to your cousin. I too left my family to go to another place far away from them, never to return. There are lines in this poem that struck a chord with me such as : One day, the rest of us will come,
We'll reunite, we'll be as one.
I hope that’s true and I’ll be reunited with people I have loved.
Hi, Amy, I’m reviewing this poem as part of Twenty-three in Eleven.
I loved the feeling it gave me when I read it. One line in particular stood out as being very descriptive: Kismet’s malicious roll.
I imagined Kismet rolling a dice to select the next to depart this earth. Maybe that wasn’t what you meant it to be?
I loved how you selected blue as a colour to remind you of someone. I often hear my mother’s voice saying when she looked to the sky : “There’s a patch of blue, just big enough to make a pair of mens trousers!” I bet you’ve not heard that old saying before! It’s a very old Yorkshire saying, I believe.
So I too think of a person list to me when I see a blue sky.
Thank you so much for giving me the memory.
Lovely poem.
That is one really unsettling story. It certainly meets the criteria for a Grim Reaper contest entry. The idea of insects laying eggs in a persons body is pretty gruesome so well done on a very scary concept. I think what made it more horrific is the fact a hormone is injected to keep the host calm and feeling maternal toward the alien creatures growing inside the body.
Hi, Jeff, what a well written and reasoned article. Well done. You may have been living and working in Australia when you wrote this.
The working landscape is exactly the same here. We are going through so much industrial unrest and push back from workers here. The main ones are the public servants, nurses and the police force. They are the ones who are “acting their wage.” No more double shifts, going home when their shift ends, refusing to answer calls out of hours etc.
Of course with the rising cost of almost everything everyone needs more money too, so there is going to any others who will be “acting their wage.”
Hello again, I think this Limerick is the best yet. I loved how when Sleeping Beauty ate the poisoned apple she ended up in intensive care! That’s pretty funny.
I think you have the makings of a great contest here. You could do more with it still keeping the Limerick theme. Maybe instead of you writing the limericks the contest could challenge the contestants to write a Limerick to describe, I don’t really know. Perhaps a famous person or a season or an animal?
Anyway, I enjoyed your Limerick very much.
Cheers Sue
I love the originality of this contest you have devised. Limericks are always great fun and challenging. Although they seem simple they are actually quite difficult to write. I loved this first one of five. I don’t know when you wrote this or if it’s ongoing at the moment. I’ll have to check out your portfolio to see if you managed to get a good response. Or maybe this is just an idea for a contest?
The only error I found was when you wrote the word recently twice in the one sentence.
Anyway good luck with your Limerick Contest. The answer is of course “The little mermaid.”
Zelibazo sounds like one weird creature. I enjoyed reading about him.😂
In the first stanza I think it would have been better if the last line had a different animal instead of a dragon, perhaps a lion as a suggestion?
I’m not sure it was a good idea to wake a slumbering Zelibazo, much too risky.
Hi, Amy, I’m reviewing your story for I write.
This is so sweet. You described what it was like in a field of pumpkins with an excited boy selecting one to impress his friends. That he wanted happiness both for himself and his mother became a part of the story. You didn’t say whether Brad had died or simply left his family but that doesn’t change things. Cindy has experienced months of sadness and knows it’s time to turn her attention to her son and the practicalities of life. So much in so few words. Well done.
How wonderful it is you have overcome your doubts and fears. I love this personal piece of writing. Writing honestly about struggles and fears isn’t easy but so liberating. That’s why I like blogs. It’s for myself. When I write to a prompt like: “what was I born to be? As I did a few days ago, it’s difficult to know where to start. Yet when we allow ourselves to open up and just write it can be a journey of self discovery.
You have allowed your mind free reign when you write your stories. You grow, and your mind will continue to expand as your characters grow, and that’s beautiful.
Hi, Carly, I’m reviewing this story for I Write.
Your description of Zayda’s attempt to feel less anxious by creating a circle of peace was lovely. I wonder if it’s something that would work for everyone. A grassy park, a sunny day, bare feet and your own circle of safety. Sounds delightful. You did mention she bloomed twice in close proximity. Her smile bloomed. She felt a sense of freedom bloom within her. Perhaps you can find a substitute word for one of them.
I liked the interaction with Kathleen, the dialogue seemed natural.
Thanks for sharing this delightful tale of witches and the supernatural.
Those words are so beautiful, the meaning comes from the heart. I can’t imagine losing my partner of almost 60 years and yet it’s inevitable.
The words of the first stanza were the most powerful to me. I have grown with my partner from being almost a child to our old age.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem.
I’m reviewing your thoughts on the past fortnight as part of I Write.
When adult children leave the nest, we as parents are conflicted. I think we feel, I know I did, we should be sad, however it seems the opposite is true! In fact if there are any signs of them returning, we realise it’s quite nice to have not only the space but the peace which comes of having one less person in the house.
The trouble is, I speak from experience, they often return. If not permanently but certainly for advice, money, food, washing or just a shoulder to cry on. It’s a journey that’s not completed for a very long time, if ever.😂
As for moving furniture and clearing out cupboards it’s a sign of being ready for a change. It’s therapeutic, like a breath of fresh air.
Thanks for sharing your domestic and family goings on. It’s nice to know everyone has the same things to deal with. It’s just life.
Hello, welcome to WdC. I went straight to your portfolio after I received your review of my micro fiction story. I do hope you’ll continue to write and post more stories here.
I love the lyrical prose you have used in this short story “Sonder.”
How wonderful to have that affect on people who simply cast their eyes upon you. She sounds as if she’s a witch-like creature, bewitching all that see her.
the scars on her hears Did you mean heart?
Anyway please keep writing and welcome to WdC once more.
Cheers Sue
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sumojo/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.31 seconds at 9:34am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "