Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
What is the goal of the main Character? To test his friend's story
What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He wants all the facts to make a judgement
What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Some of the facts question the actions of the supernaturals he knows. Is it a trick or does the girl really need his help.
Resolution He decides to meet her and judgefor himself
Do the characters develop in this story? I like the way you drop clues about the character into the story not telling the reader aside. Some of the time.
What I liked about the story I like the plot line. It is a good one, you have begun to set the rules for the world you have created. I don't know if vampires see their reflections (if he is a vamp) but that is not a set in stone requirement, a grey area. I like that he is a good guy, reminds me of that show about the Enforcer, I loved that show.
What do I think needs work "I nodded, taking another swig from the beer. If this girl was looking for me, that meant she was on bad times. I make it a point to be hard to find, accessible only to the people willing to put in the work to get my name. I make it a point to keep myself off the radar. My utilities bills, lease, all that are set up in a way to lead a curious type away from, rather than towards me, thanks to a clever hacker who owed me a favor. I have no social security card, no driver's liscence, and a throw away pre paid phone that I replace weekly. You tell here. All this can be dropped into the story as you go along.
"For the past five years, since I was twenty two, I've made it my business to help people in “odd” situations. Situations that other people either won't believe, or refuse to believe. Things the cops won't touch, and wouldn't be equipped to deal with if they could. Supernatural things.
See, the truth of the matter is that werewolves, faeries, vampires, ghosts angels, demons, wizards, zombies and pretty much every other thing that goes bump in the night from fairytale to myth exists and not all, most as a matter of fact, are not exactly what one would term friendly. I've learned that the hard way, and I have the scars to prove it. Hwere again is back story. This needs to be in the conversation. Maybe relating it to another past experience, good or bad.
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