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1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
The story flowed well, it had a goal, motive, conflict and resolution besides a very good moral. The setting was good, having friends on a reservation I have seen the transition from Government poor to Casino Rich. The manner that you wove this story and the personal touches of emotion and feeling were well thought out. This was your story and it touches the reader to reach in and feel what you are feeling.
Many of us can relate to your story and that only brings the picture, feelings and the resolution to the forefront.
I hope many people find your port and read as I am reading. You have the gift of storytelling with a message.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great retelling of an old story. Not redundant, but sometimes the story told in a different manner is good no matter how many times we read it.
I wish that life was really like that. Yet we can't know that the words of love and our actions freely given are but seeds that sprout in another man's field. Often times I feel that going to the gospel mission these days seems a waste of time. Yet the Lord reminds me that His word will never remain void and what I do in His name is to my benefit also.
There is nothing in this story that I could find fault in except that it was too general. I would have liked more detail. Great story, good moral and I love the last line.
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Review of MILITARY COP  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great story. You have a goal, motivation to reach the goal and conflict to try to keep the characters from reaching that goal. I love the way you brought the story to light. You gave good and true points with some added emotion. The few things that did not work for me were:
1) There was no real setting/time. We have soldiers now. You could have been writing in the future, so a bit more description of the setting would help the reader at the beginning.
2) If the reader had no knowledge of the characters, you gave no explanation to who the main character was or why he would say these things. Also there is no indication of the "son's" age. He was 33 when he died. Since you are combining many of the actions in his life into one moment, then he would have been at an age to defend himself. On the other hand, if the ruckus happened after he left and Jesus' parents were just defending what he had said and done, it would have been okay.
3) The reaction of the soldier is combative. He would never have openly given his support for Jesus in front of so many. He would, like many in our day, defer the actual accounting to the governing body.
I like your story, I know what you are trying to say and you did a good job at bringing all the points to light. I would love to challenge you to write this same story as if the soldier had no idea who or what Jesus was and also keep in mind the reader. What can you tell the reader that may have no idea who you are writing about. Bring in the miracles, his love as he fed 5,000. Better yet, how would Mary and Joseph really defend their son against others. They were Nazarene, remember the saying "Nothing good comes from Nazareth"?
Using that, what story can you tell to fill in what we have read and know to be true. I would love to read what you come up with.
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Review of The Bus  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the set up and the word painting of the setting. It is a bus ride. So what? (a question!) Why should I care when nothing happened? There was no real goal other than getting to his/her stop. Nothing happened to prevent him/her from arriving. He/she arrived at the goal, the end.
What was the point of writing this story? I kept reading hoping that because of the what the boys were saying that this person was a Zombie child and no one saw them. They ride the bus to and from the school where they had once gone but no one sees them.
What was the purpose of this story. You definitely kept to the correct POV and used the right tense in this story, but I just didn't connect with it.
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Review of Dragon's Name  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
you didn't say if your dragon is male or female. I liked Zestia for a femail and Just Igneus No prefix, for a male. Dragons should have a single name. You will then have to use two names through out the entire book which makes some sentences hard to create and sound normal. Keep it to a single name that means what you want it to describe. good luck
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting. I know there will be more to this. But this was mostly about your hero not the antagonist. I wanted to know what was in it for the Black Rose? Why does he want someone to accept this necklace? Like Ariel in the little mermaid, there is a cost to both sides, If the knight does not take it what motivates the Black Rose to ask another? Why ask this Knight?
Why did the knight take it? With out counting the cost? Ariel knew she had to give up her voice to get her legs. What will the Knight give up?
Now that the Knight has taken the bait, what does The black rose get in return?
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting concept taking the tree's point of view. I like how you revealed information as the two talked. You words were concise, the sentences carried a lot of meaning and information without fluff. This could very well be the beginning of a great novel and one that would be very interesting to read.
I hope you go on to add to this short story. I didn't see anything wrong.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The first part of the story left me curious. I had no idea what she was complaining about that was never resolved so I don't know why it was there. It would have been better to have started by telling that the horse missed breakfast and she was afraid of what would happen.
You have the goal; to win the race. You have the cost, what happens if she doesn't win. You have conflict; what happens when she is too poor to feed the horse breakfast. and you have the resolution; she has to race her horse all over the galaxy.
I liked the story, pricked my curiosity. I can see that it would make a part of a greater story if you chose to expand it.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow I am almost sure you are writing about my life (technically speaking) Did you finish this novel? is it available to read? This is just the type of story I love to read on a cool fall evening.
I think you have the goal, you have the perquisites, some conflict and a resolution. I would like to have seen some Cost. What is the cost if she doesn't take a risk? lose the chance to meet Mr. Right? maybe in doing so she finds there is something about the coworker she missed? His father is a Publisher? Editor for a publisher? He offers her a deal go out with him and he will give her manuscript to his dad.
Okay this 5 years ago and I am sure you have done this over and over. I just got carried away.....
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great story. You had me hooked at the beginning. There was enough there to set the scene yet it could be in any time or on any planet. It was a moment in time that catches the imagination and wills the reader to follow using whatever means of mental criteria that the reader relates to.
The descriptions and voice of the characters are well thought out and you knew at once this odd story would take you where you didn't want to go, but were too curious to stop.
I wish it went on. I wanted to know who they were and why they were there and where they were going and what was going to happen to them. Yes too many "and's " but I felt like a child that wants to know all the answers.
Great job!
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful story and thank you so much for sharing. I am going to copy this and share it with my SS class of Mothers and grandmothers. This is the kind of story that will give the younger mothers a way to pray without ceasing in what they do. It opened my eyes to something I hadn't thought about! I appreciate your thoughtfulness in sharing this wonderful experience and lesson.
What a heritage to pass on to others.
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Review of The Bench  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? A successful businessman spends quality time with son

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The man realizes that quality time is important

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?Time passing-conflicts are inferred at end

*Balloon4* Resolution man has lost son but what is confusing is what lesson is learned?

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes but it is confusing see notes below

*Gift2* What I liked about the story The visual vocabulary sets the tone from beginning to end and the passage of time is carried through to the end. I like the premise, an old story done time and again so the expectation and end are not surprising even with some confusion. I hope you were trying for the same emotional ending I was writing in my head.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work 1) The part about the bench having a memory does not fit. I know what you were saying but the bench is the connection of the man and son, it is their memory not the bench's.
2)The reader begins to identify with the father as being a good man, who takes time with his son.The end of the story is confusing as we are expecting that even though the son is gone we expect it in death and a sad thing for a father who spent quality time with his son. " What does succeeding in the future matter if there is to be none?" this was the confusing sentence. The one that knocked my pre-conception off kilter.
3) The son dies at what age? there is no age that the son continued the walk as he became a teen. You call him a boy so he assumed to be under 12? add 12 years and the boy is 24, or so. As a teen what boy would walk everyday with his father, not going to happen unless there is something mentally wrong with the boy.
4) If the son is not dead, then you have given mixed signals. After being with his father every day for 20 years why would he suddenly leave him forever. After 1 week? What are you trying to tell us? We all would miss our child if they died. What is different about this story?

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Review of Eye Contact  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
This will not be long. I don't usually read poetry as most of the time I don't get it. This was simply, beautifully put. In fact my husband is gone for a short time and this would be a beautiful note for him to come home to!
Thank you for the beautiful lines, thoughts and word painting. Makes me wish he were home now.
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Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? This man is relating how he has progressed through his life with technology

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? His wife is uber-cyber and wants to be up with the latest and greatest technology item

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?The world became so dependent on computers that due to a world wide crash when the Mayan date of the end of the world came about, it changed everything. To a world dependent on electricity and computers, no one was ready to go back to the basics and deal with bad people on a personal level

*Balloon4* Resolution In the end Technology won

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes. We see the husband go from cyber ignorant to just as dependent on it as everyone else. His wife whose push and interest drove the family to always being on the edge of new technology, cost them dearly. We see how people react to the loss of technology and basic communication. People revert to what is important; food, shelter and protecting what is theirs.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I love the plot. I see the biblical influence in the story. You kept it close but didn't stick to the accepted prophecy. You put a little twist on it that I liked. Purely hypothetical in this case but many things could be possible. It is the twist on the truth that I liked and it kept me reading to the end to see how you wrapped it up.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work About 2/3 of the way though you wanted to pass time too quickly. I know what you were doing, but you could just jumped to the end and wrapped up as you did, by doing the recap. The growing up with all the details of the implant were OK but a slow down to a story that was just beginning to move faster. While that is just a feeling I had while reading it, it does not detract at all from the story nor does it mean great cutting process. Just read it from the time they start putting their lives back together to the last chapter. If some of that were gone or moved to the last chapter, would it detract from the story? Just a thought.

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Review of The Sound  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To find out what was making an annoying sound in his new apartment

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The sound is keeping him awake and he is stressed from the lack of sleep, among other things

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?There are so many I am not going to list them all. It is a comedy of errors that kept me reading to find out if he was ever going to find the noise.

*Balloon4* Resolution Because of the damage, he had to move out with an extreme bill.

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes, to a point. He is a normal boy. His reactions to the problem lend to the extreme humorous and horrific situations he gets into

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Everything!! It was funny. It was frustrating as so many things befell the poor guy. I loved what the Dad did! Each item that came in made my chuckle. As a parent I could see the joy and deviousness of his heart as shipped all his son's worldly accumulations to his new apartment.
I loved the end even though it wasn't a surprise.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work The eviction was too blase' I wanted a little more conflict there. He gave in too easily even tho he was at fault. Most guys would put up a little more of a fight over what he thinks is a problem with the apartment.
This is not a deal breaker. It is just a personal wish. I still loved this story very muc

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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? I am not sure of the main character. Leder may be the first. There is no goal in this story.

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? N/A

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? There are many conflicts. first Henry is found in the river. Minnie has run away from the orphanage and lives in a hole in the ground. Minnie is an abused child and lashes out at the caretaker man.

*Balloon4* Resolution Henry and Minnie apparently figure out about being a family and a child. Minnie is a mental person and Henry with his memory loss is no better. There is no real end in this story.

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? We just see that Minnie had a hard childhood and retaliated against her keeper and must have run off.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Since there was no goal, motivation or real conflict I had a difficult time understanding the point. There wasn't anything to like or dislike.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work What is the story about? This looks like your outline of a back story. You jump from time to time with no real purpose. We are introduced to characters but they have no real story or purpose.
As a suggestion I would leave off Minnie's story and gradually insert it into the story as you write it. She could reveal to Leder or Henry her past as the story unfolds. The reader will get Henry's story as he reveals his relationship with Minnie in their daily work. You need a goal. What is the goal of Minnie and Henry or Leder? Who is the main story going to be about?

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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
good action, a flare for the dramatic, but there is no clue to the reader what the point of the story was. 12 yr old girls were set apart from the boys and give a hand out. There is a mystery that is never solved. The red car had nothing to do with the story and I missed any symbolism it may have had.
The piece seemed to be telling something but it wasn't clear to the reader what the point was. It was very vague
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Review of Big Bad Wolf  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? jack needed to kill the wolf with wings

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? self preservation and that of those who are with him

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? The thing attacks jack and Eddie but wants the girl

*Balloon4* Resolution The thing dies, the girl is gone all is right with the world.

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? yes, we see them for what they are; in a way

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Good story, met the prompt well.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work In the context of the other story. I do not feel you have outlined either jack or Eddie's abilites or perimeters. I don't know what Jack is, Eddie doesn't follow any known elements of witches. This is why I don't care to read new fantasy. When an auther decides to mess with tradition or make up something new, set the world. What is the limitations and rules by which these characters rule. In all 5 of these pieces, I still do not know what Jack's and Eddie's abilities are. They are vague. Eddie thows a piece of wood and and it tears a wing. And that is amazing ? why? Jack turns into something different not sure what, and beats the wolf up. I thought he might be the Hulk. I was liking the story in the beginning but it became too far fetched for me.

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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? Deal with Adam and see what Melissa wants

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He made a promise to Melissa and he must keep it

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Adam wants her club and threatens to reveal a secret that would cost her everything

*Balloon4* Resolution jack says he will take care of it

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? No

*Gift2* What I liked about the story We have another plot line in the story that connects Adam to Jack.
I am sympathetic to Melissa and this opens a ray of hope for him to become a hero.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work I fear Jack will lose at any confrontation he has with Adam, but on the other hand, a clever author will come up with something that Adam fears or finds a weakness in Adam that can be exploited.

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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? to see if Adam had anything to do with what happened in the warehouse

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Fear of Adam, and a sense of justice

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Fear of Adam

*Balloon4* Resolution none they left not knowing any more than when they came in spite of their abilities

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Eddie and jack have a weakness, fear of Adam. That fear resulted in them not getting any information and going back defeated. (WEAK)

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Not a lot. It showed weakenss but didn't garner sympathy. They didn't rry to fight, they learnd nothing other than they suspect the sister is still alive.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work I am not sure where you are going with these 3 charcters. but you needed some conflict. Adam had the upper hand the entire time. He had no respect because they were weak against him. If so why did he let them go? If he was so cunning, why was he there in the first place? This chpt left me with more questions, but I am losing my interest.

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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? investigate the warhouse Amy told them about

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? to see if the tale is true and if so what is the cause

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? There are no clues. Nothing, Nada. There is no dust, snow. too clean.

*Balloon4* Resolution None at this time, but we are introduced, almost to a new character.

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? We find that Eddie needs earth to work his magic. Since there is no dust, he must resort to other means. Jack has shown no supernatural powers other than changing his appearence. That in itself seems to have no effect on his lack of ability to sense the other character nor react to it. I judged he isn't very good with his abilites.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story nothing is this chapter

*Gift2* What do I think needs work "We really need to work on your people skills, you know that?" Eddie said. "you are so fond of telling me that." Jack mutters. He just said the same thing in the last chapter. you are repeating.
*Gift2* I am not as impressed with this segment. it is slow and without merit as the action is at the end, there is littl build up to it. It is neither scary or intense. Jack makes some changes but we don't see any result of the changes or his ablity. lacking continuity.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? interview the girl and hear her story

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? She has gone through a bit of trouble to find him and he feels it is his duty to help her. I get the impression he doesn't have much of a life and he has to do somthing to aliviate the boredom

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? There isn't much to the story and she is pretty pitiful. He has compassion and makes sure she doesn't follow him by providing food and shelter for the night

*Balloon4* Resolution With everything in place Jack and Eddie are ready to venture out

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes, we see that Jack has money and carries quite a bit on him. He isn't afraid that he will be robbed. He has limitations as he is wary of Cyrus. He trusts Eddie

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I like the way it is developing. The segments are short and easy to read. It leaves me wanting to know more. To wonder what he is going to find and what kind of story this will develop into.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work “Yeah, still having em.” I responded with a sigh. One of the problems with being a descendant of a mostly forgotten God, was you had the pleasure of seeing the memories of their heyday. Sure, I could run faster, hit harder, and get hit harder than most humans, that was any of us. I was able to do other things, nasty things that I tried to not even think about, let alone employ unless it was absolutely necessary for me to keep breathing. This is a clue. It needs work. it is too vague and isn't intriguing enough to make me care. A passing comment that I have no relation to. I don't know what Jack is. I care only that he is able to save the girl, I don't care about the dream because it has nothing to do with the story. It is hanging out there like annoying insect.
*Gift2* Her face was thin, almost regal, with high cheeks, a slight upturn to her eyes, and a thin, almost button nose. The right side of her face and neck were marred with a massive, purple bruise, swollen almost grotesquely. Later you say she is plain. Fix this. If she is regal we assume pretty. if you want her plain then say "She had high cheek bones and the narrow pointed nose of royalty. She wasn't pretty by any means. Most royals aren't."
Ohanother thing, at the beginning you describe the bar. you wrote the tables were spattered. I think you mean "scattered around the room." don't use "here and there", sounds indecisive.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To test his friend's story

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He wants all the facts to make a judgement

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? Some of the facts question the actions of the supernaturals he knows. Is it a trick or does the girl really need his help.

*Balloon4* Resolution He decides to meet her and judgefor himself

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? I like the way you drop clues about the character into the story not telling the reader aside. Some of the time.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I like the plot line. It is a good one, you have begun to set the rules for the world you have created. I don't know if vampires see their reflections (if he is a vamp) but that is not a set in stone requirement, a grey area. I like that he is a good guy, reminds me of that show about the Enforcer, I loved that show.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work "I nodded, taking another swig from the beer. If this girl was looking for me, that meant she was on bad times. I make it a point to be hard to find, accessible only to the people willing to put in the work to get my name. I make it a point to keep myself off the radar. My utilities bills, lease, all that are set up in a way to lead a curious type away from, rather than towards me, thanks to a clever hacker who owed me a favor. I have no social security card, no driver's liscence, and a throw away pre paid phone that I replace weekly. You tell here. All this can be dropped into the story as you go along.
*Gift2* "For the past five years, since I was twenty two, I've made it my business to help people in “odd” situations. Situations that other people either won't believe, or refuse to believe. Things the cops won't touch, and wouldn't be equipped to deal with if they could. Supernatural things.
See, the truth of the matter is that werewolves, faeries, vampires, ghosts angels, demons, wizards, zombies and pretty much every other thing that goes bump in the night from fairytale to myth exists and not all, most as a matter of fact, are not exactly what one would term friendly. I've learned that the hard way, and I have the scars to prove it. Hwere again is back story. This needs to be in the conversation. Maybe relating it to another past experience, good or bad.
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting piece. While the end was better than the beginning it fit more into the prompt and what I was expecting. I love the visionary you painted with words. I could see the very spot in my mind and understood your reaction.
Coming across a place of contemplation that fills the emotional, spiritual and visual needs we have are few and far between. Thank you for sharing, whether in your imagination or an actual experience, we enjoyed the ride.
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Review of Please Call Me  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a great piece. It was ambiguous as I didn't get the correlation between giving keys out and you having the final say. Do you think Obama has any idea of what he is doing other than playing golf and raising money for a campaign that is doomed.
I personally think you have more of a concept of running a country than he does. You know the rules,.You controlled the house and the property and the toys. The others were just facilitators.
The House and Senate filled with people whose puppets strings are pulled by lobbyists, (Your dad).
I think you are getting the point of Government just like the rest of us, we are sick of it.
I agree that I will vote for anyone who runs against Obama, even a Demo if they were conservative and not a rhino.

Well written, concise, to the point and very inciteful.
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