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1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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Review of Father and Son  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A good start. I would rather you start this whole thing at What Happened was...
If this is going to be a longer piece then the above can be dropped into the story as he is sitting and waiting for the principle. How about have a conversation between him and Mel and she ends up finding out more about his feelings than the father or a principle does. The principle might get called out on an emergency and he has a reprieve..
I like what you have going. You have a good handle on the dialogue and the tags are informative.
At twelve if he hadn't heard swear words in his home he wouldn't say it with out a bit of regret. His mother might have washed his mouth with soap, his dad doesn't seem to care what he says so he says a few other words in his head just or practice.

I think you have a great start, don't stop.
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Review of The Burden  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? mariel needs to find the truth of the amulet and which of the two men with her is telling the truth.

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Her mother died and many incidents cause her to question her childhood and her future. she seeks the truth

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?there are two men who tell her opposite stories and she doesn't know who to believe.

*Balloon4* Resolution: This reads like the first chapter of a book, there is no real resolution, only a transition to the next chapter

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Somewhat. We see the descriptions of the characters and some of their actions tell us a little of what kind of people they are. Not a lot of depth yet.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story: At first I was going to stop reading. The story was a little boring, and there wasn't anything prick my interest. I kept reading hoping for a change. I got it. Good second half. from the Astriks down.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work: The beginning needs a little less whine on Mariel and leave out her childhood and put it in later when she is at Bran's house. More detail about Bran's house, how she got there and what really drove her to go there. The action happens so quick at the end it is hard to follow, When you revise, make the scene longer and more angst to the situation.

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278
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To get help from a helpline maybe a suicide hotline

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He is unsure of many things and is trying get some guidance from the hot line

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? He speaks in old English, the Helpline person is having a hard time understanding what he is saying, but she asks him if she has heard correctly, by repeating in modern English what he has said in old English

*Balloon4* Resolution: None

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? to a point. We see the development of Hamlet's thinking in this situation. His fears and his beliefs.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story: I never understood Hamlet. I read it as a young person and this was a well done piece. I "got" what Hamlet's problem was and his delema. Good Job!

*Gift2* What do I think needs work: I would have liked the hotline lady give some advice, maybe based on the story whether it be related to the real story or just the author's justification.

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Review of Fade Away  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This comes as my opinion and is not meant as a criticism of the writer. Please accept my comments offered in kindness. You may do what you wish with them. iLove2write



*Gift1*Plot A man wakes and has died and doesn't know it. He go through the morning trying to find out why he feels so odd. Then comes the realization.

*Gift2* Characters A man, no age, no description.

*Gift3* Reference present day

*Gift4* General impressions Better story than before. There is more question to the problem and as he passes through situations the reader comes to realize he is dead. I like the story. There is nothing wrong with the plot this time.

Line Items:
First paragraph you change tenses from present to past and from first person to third. keep to the -ed and leave off the -ing.
The only comment I have is the sudden movement from place to place. There is no transition.
I.E. Yo might say he put his hand to head, it wasn't hot so he with his backpack he headed to the station to get to work even though he was late, they would understand when he got there.

When the train came to my stop, I rushed to the exit, falling out so the train wouldn't start up again before I could get out I didn't get why he fell out of the subway. There is usually time to get out, If he had to dance around people crowed at the doorway, then we get the picture he was still trying act like a "being." He doesn't seem to know that he can walk through people, and for a ghost they don't walk through him but can hit him and hurt him. That is curious and you give no explanation. Not that one is needed in this short piece.



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"The Central Bank" 
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Review of Beneath The Sand  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
this could be a good start but it isn't enough. It is very vague leaving out many things. I would suggest you might make a note of this. (it is what I use as I write my novel, and in each chapter)
1.What is the goal of the main character(s)? You will know this but is may be difficult to realize and write.
2.What motivates her to reach it? Is she really searching for Love? maybe just to be validated by someone other than herself. Is she looking for work?
3. What are the conflicts that are keeping her from reaching that goal? bad breath? poor work habits? no job? crazy cat lady next door?
4. What is the resolution? Does she find love? did something else take its place? did she realize love was just the side benefit of putting herself out there to have a relationship?

Almost chapter will have the first 3 in some form. It helps to keep you on track as you write so you don't wander off the path on some side story that has no relation to the goal.

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"The Central Bank" 
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Review of Dear Me  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
OH MY Were you inside my head last week????
What an awesome piece It is a reminder to those of us who succeeded the NaNoWriMo or just have a novel in the works that this is the YEAR to get it done and into the hands of those who can make it a published book.
And that 20 (or 25 pounds) we put on need to come off by summer! I love my butt too,but there is just too much of it.
Grammar! Honey, you have hit it on the nose, I need that class too. I just don't get the rules. When you understand them pass the clues to me.
That last paragraph is a winner! You have put into text/print what I need to be telling myself everyday. In fact I am going to print this off and put it on the wall of my cube to read every time I stare into space....I will become more focused.

This is a WINNER- If anyone sees this on the Review Page -Review this post!! {/}


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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I do not consider death an unknown nor is it a scary thing. When pain or suffering is involved the crossing is hard and arduous. The waiting is is like the moments before being put under for an operation. The moment you give up control is the scariest moment of your human life. What arrangements you made before getting to that point make the passing a joy or a fearfull, horrible, scary moment. What happens when you die?
After reading the answers above I feel I have the advantage over all of them.

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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poll is a bit confusing. You start out with a choice between two ways. But the choices you offer involve an oportunity of many choices, that do not include the two main ones. then you ask two questions in the original that should be included in the choices.
I suggest that you limit the questions to how or why one make one of two choice and a second poll about how the different choices in our life are made which are the subject of your poll.

I would suggest that the questions that deal with your first instruction are something like, When faced with a life changing decision do you? 1 research it on the internet, 2 go to a relgious text 3. Pray to a higher power, 4. Consult a medium, 5. leave it to some destiny 6 other (please expalin in review) I hope this helps define your answers because none of the choices really were the right one for me. I picked 3 but that answer was so general it could fit any quesiton. You can see this by the answer to your poll.


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"The Central Bank" 
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284
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was the most confusing thing I read it has nothing to do with the title and I was disappointed
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Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Love the pundit. Can you wscape the wrath? I think not, remember the mixed multitude and the earth opened and swallowed them. Zip zap nada! The verses were in proper usage which is something I find in low usage on WDC.
The point and result are clearly stated and there is no room for confusion here.
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Review of Jessi Ventura  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This time there was a bit more thought in the piece. The idea that there is a conspiracy in war or anything else seems a bit foolish. The lists of incidents amount the Bush's administration and Jessi Ventura are comical and it was a good joke. Jessi does get a bit far out in his thinking and his theories but they are fun to read about.
This piece says war is a political pawn and history has proven it is true. Building 7 is a mystery but your theories were fun to read.


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"The Central Bank" 
287
287
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The thought process starts out with a picture of life choice. then it goes describe China and all the oceans being polluted or raped by the careless Chinese. This piece jumps from that thought tow choices or global alternatives. Afte that there is a explaination of the second choice. the writer gives the reader a choice which is no choice as both are death in the end.

The wording was well done, the layout was a bit jumpy but the point was well given. What didn't work for me was the title had nothing to do with the subject. If one did not know these people there would be no clue in the writing as to who they were or what the connection was.


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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This piece seems to be a rant against a 1% of people who are assumed to be at the top of some supposed list. The piece goes on to denigrate by portraying all of those who are at the top of this list as ungrateful, selfish persons.
The piece then tells of all the trials and tribulations of the people who are not at the top. That they are woefully poor in spirit, never given a chance nor are their children given the opportunities that those at the top of the list have or are supposedly taking for granted.

There is a list of jobs and pay scales for those who might not know what they are being paid. Also the costs of things in case someone might not know what they are paying out.
There is the oft touted money must not buy happiness. How true but more so for those not at the top because they wish to be there.

My question is if someone in the lower portion of your group wins the lottery and becomes the 1% are they suddenly transplanted into the people you described above?

The tone of this piece leaves me the idea that this the person who wrote it lives in a sheltered bubble who has never had the bottom feeders (not just financially) being just as rude, insensitive or kind to each other. Of the 1% there may be even less than a half percent that doesn't know what it is like to have to live paycheck.


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Review of Knock Knock...  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a very good piece with two good pictures to illustrate the content of the piece. This began with a listing of some of the problems that were faced in 2011.
" I don't have the power to change what's inside me, but I surely know that I'm giving path to the next year, that will give way to the one after, and so on..." this sentence showed the uncertainty of the future and most of the past. If the year cannot change itself then it is up to the individual to make the year a positive or negative. This was explained in the second paragraph.
Next came questions that is asked each year that passes and a new one begins. The last part is one that is a very well defined with the opportunities to make 2012 a great year.


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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful story of how a person totally gives over their free will to God and becomes a conduit for his love and works. I was impressed by the miracles you shared in just that short period of time. I was inspired and blessed to have read how two people went about blessing and being a blessing to others in need.

Each incident in the time span was detailed so the reader was feeling the intensity of the need of that person. I loved the last one. When one does not "see" something that is there is quite the miracle. Great Job!


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"The Central Bank" 
291
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting thought about the contemplation for 2012. You have determined in your own mind that by making a list of what you purport to happen in 2012, will happen. You have assessed that visualization, using all your senses will be the catalyst to accomplishing this year long goal.
There was something about "awake beings necessary to trigger the consciousness of the masses..." There no indication of who is to trigger this percentage or how it is to be done.
I am curious to know if you have the visual and will power to discontinue smoking for all time. If so then there maybe a chance for you to accomplish the rest.
You seem to have covered the bases of what you think will help you attain the goal.


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"The Central Bank" 
292
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting story. A bit of historical information provided. I think the "Hebrews" were before the Bedouins, they were the first travelers, but I like the story's presentation and humor. I got no sense of time until the end reference to the Clinton's, I could pick out the historical value of the piece.
The style was easy to read easily understood and a great way to present a bit of history as well as bringing in the internet.


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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
At first # 1 was my obvious answer then when I re-read the question I wasn't sure how I would answer.
If one was meeting Jesus for the first time, one would not recognize him, know what he represented, or even approach him.
I suggest that you might reword the question to read "..for the first time in person..." Then the reader would assume that the person recognizes Jesus as someone they have had a relationship with even if they never saw him.

Good question with thoughtful articles included for those who want to know more.


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"The Central Bank" 
294
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is written as a memoir to something lost. I see that there are fond memories but the reason for going to the church was lost. It is sad that this person missed the essence of what was right before them.

Needs to be fixed: "like their keeping track" They are or They're
"Stairs Creek" creak or squeak
"dares to say their" again They are or They're (Their means ownership their boat, their hair bows)

It is a well told story with good imagery. Those who have been to this "church" understand immediately the picture that is portrayed. Good Job, well written.

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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Communication is the key to persuading anyone to your cause. When a person speaks to a group of people in a language they cannot understand the desires of either party are frustrated and anger ensues.
When speaking to the masses one must speak to the intelligence of the assumed education of the lowest or middle of the people.
What ever you are trying to communicate to people is lost in the over usage of large, misunderstood words. Most will not read this, pass on giving a review or totally misunderstand what you are trying to say and comment on what they think you are saying. This will cause consternation between the two fractions. Just saying.

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"The Central Bank" 
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Review of I Have Found...  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wonderful story. Once confession was made both to God and to the world life forever changed.
It is better to tell then to hide, You told that sharing and making confession to God was the way to truth and healing.
I am impressed and happy for you.


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Review of Religion  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This proves nothing. It is like asking if you love your husband or mother or child or dog.
Yes but not all the same.
What if the person reading this is thinking of allah, or buddah or whatever other god there is out there. Since you did not Capitalize the word God then it could be any god. There is only one God. You needed to ask to believe the God in Heaven that the Bible speaks of is the True and only God. Then you will have an accurate accounting of what people are voting for.



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"The Central Bank" 
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Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Interesting. I assume this piece is lumping many of the new age churches into one. while some purport the idea that the church needs to be hip and hopping to reach the young at heart, I agree there is much lacking in this church.
I like the words they tickle you ears with what you want to hear.
Too many churches have left the doctrine behind for the notoriety of numbers, money and fame. See Joe Orsteen, Benny Henman or whatever his name is.
I can just see the tears of God (if he cried in heaven) when he sees these churches leading people astray. When he comes and those that are left behind will be out to harm those preachers demanding to know why they didn't preach the truth.
"Because you can't stand to hear the Truth!!!'


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"The Central Bank" 
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Review of HARDLY HEATHENS  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Ricky was in school under reasons that he was taking advantage of. He didn't want to learn what the school was teaching him but because it was "free" to him. Offered under the auspiciousness of notoriety. I didn't see much difference between his attitude of getting something for free, just because it was free, and the Teacher's attitude of judging other of the same stereotype. Why was Ricky any better than the teacher? Both had bad attitudes about something given freely.
The teacher of the religious class he was sitting in talked hypocritical against other religions pro-porting his was the only real religion.
This story gives some interesting insight into the Souriquois Indian look at religion. It also show the fallacy of assuming there are many ways to reach heaven. There is only one true way to reach the Heavenly father and that is through his son.
In that truth one must accept that God sees that path can be reached many ways but it must end at the Cross.



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"The Central Bank" 
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Review of The Lost Calf  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great story with a wonderful ending and a good visual correlation to a spiritual lesson. We are all lost and need to be found and once found we need to have someone to guide us to the goal. I appreciate the good story in a few words. No need to elaborate when you had it all together.

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"The Central Bank" 
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