I figure since you are going to review these yourself, I might as well help and keep mentioning the typos I notice. I am not actively looking, these just jump out at me. Paragraph 19 I think...typo "If they don't know where Sol is, we don't want them to find out from us. Have navigation hide out trail by using random direction changes and some doubling back. I think you want our
Para `5 up from the bottom same thing, you have trouble with your r's
"Scott pursed his lips. Mr. Drew, let them pull ahead until they reach the limit of out effective range. " our?
Now this is getting a little exciting. I don't trust the Russian ship. An dnow there is another entity the Aeons. Good guys or bad guys? Hmmm I guess I have to keep reading.
Hi, I'm on Chapter 3 now of Know Thy Enemy and I'm working at keeping all of the introduced characters straight. Whew, no Amazon take over, this just got much more interesting.
I wasn't sure who was thinking this? "I wonder why they won't shake? They shook hands with my officers.", one of the good guys, maybe Shay, maybe the Captain. Much later I came back to this thought, I can now see the italic "thoughts" belong to the Captain.
I never actively look for spelling, punctuation or syntax errors unless it jumps off the page at me. Dinner, 4th paragraph, larger should be lager, a typo with a easy fix.
I'm really enjoying this story, I'm dying to know what the Russian interpreters heard. ~~Tink
Hi CanIimagine, Here I am again, Chapter 2 Know Thy Enemy. It's Ok, I'm the boss so if choose to read, no one will challenge me. (Although I do need to take care of clients and staff needs as they come up.)
I'm starting to see character development and I'm particularly interested in the XO Shay who seems to drive the story and takes the plot from an ordinary events to inject an element of mystery. She is smart and clever, not necessarily the same thing.
The other characters so far are simply doing their jobs. Doing what they were trained to do.
Somehow I have the feeling there is going to be an attempt at a Amazon-like takeover... but that is just my imagination at play. Yes I have to read on.
Hi CanIimagine, I'm here reading Chapter 1 of Know Thy Enemy as an extension of the Read Me First notice. This is very out of my genre and although you gave suggestions of what to look for, I should have printed it.
Does the first paragraph have a hook? I do remember that. And yes, the captain is alerted. A crisis at hand obviously. So what is it? Yes I was hooked.
I actually had to go back to the first words of the first sentence to realize "startled" was being used as a verb rather than an adverb. I'm not an expert on grammar, it just didn't read right to me until I went back and decided it was deliberate. That is truly the only place I stumbled as a reader.
From there on I forgot all of what you said to look for and just enjoyed the chapter. I'm not a sci fi person but now I am curious about that pirate ship out in space, or at least that was how envisioned it. I'm at work and I don't have time to read on but I will probably find some time later.
I thought this was really good writing and I am curious where it will take me.
Hi CanIimagine, I am reading Read Me First found at Read and Review. I was intrigued. And you are right, I've avoided reading and reviewing chapters like the plague. No longer, you give me hope. I will go to one of your chapters and take a crack at it after finishing this review.
Hi Bic, I'm reading your Behind the Glaze found at Read and Review. I thought your teaser interesting and I had to read.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. This jumped at me..."We were painters, vainly painting ourselves behind the glaze of natures selfess artistry" I think this may be a typo "selfless" ? easy fix.
I also slightly stumbled over "Nature the infinite supplier it seemed." and "A slow and unwitting suicide." Neither of these have a verb making them not full sentences and technically I believe should be added to the end of the previous sentence after a comma as an addendum sort of. I don't really know the rules of grammar, I only know how I react when I read. As I began, I stumbled slightly... I'm just bringing this to your attention from the experience of a reader.
Actually, I thought this short piece, interesting and creative. I certainly would want to read further after reading it.
Hi Silver, I'm reading your "Nature's Lullaby" found at Read and Review. The title very relaxing and the appearance of such a short story on the page, says READ ME.
This very short story is a moment in time, making this a haiku short story if there is such a thing. It reads like poetry. There is rhyme and lovely vivid imagery here. At first I thought it was an error at the paragraph after and we slip . . . . then realized it was deliberate, like poetry.
Hi kuramar, I'm reading your "Melody of Silence" found at Read and Review. Yes the title would have drawn me in all on its own.
This free verse piece makes effective use of line breaks. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless they break the flow of the piece. I had no concerns.
This is a beautifully constructed symphony of words. It carries the reader along on dulcet tones. I loved it.
Hi dartagnan, I'm reading your "Fishing Date" that I found at Read and Review.
Yes the title would draw me. This simple poem in 2 quatrains with alternate rhyme, (well the odd #ed lines are unrhymed) is a sweet slice of life. You utilized the prompt words perfectly and the rhythm for the most part was fluid. L7 is a little awkward. It might be smoother as We roasted marshmallows but it is your poem not mine.
Hi history geek, I'm reading your Teach Me which I found at Read and Review. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
The title echoes a phrase inserted in a few places in the poem. It seem a little generic as the title to me. I'm unsure how many readers will be tempted to read if confronted with that title.
Written in unmetered quatrains with alternating rhyme. There Is a repeated phrase that I think may be more effective if it was used in a more consistent manner within the poem.
The theme: a plea to be taught not to feel empathy. I think you communicated this well however as Walt Whittman says "condense, condense, condense." I felt this poem drug out too long, basically saying the same thing.
Your poem did get your message across, the frustration, the pain of caring can be a heavy burden. Very sad, without empathy we lose our humanity.
Hi Lou, I'm reading your Steamer Trunk. Who doesn't want to look inside a steamer trunk? Great title.
The poem written primarily in iambic tetrameter quatrains has a unique 2 line refrain, repeating L3 and L4 of the first stanza as L3 and L4 of each of the subsequent stanzas BUT, the lines are flipped in alternating stanzas. L2 of each stanza rhymes with L4 o the same stanza. Very cool.
This is a poignant seafaring poem skillfully crafted. Nice.
Hi Joe, I'm reading your Stains on my Soul that I found at Read and Review. The title drew me right in and the appearance of your poem would have done that anyway.
I liked the form of this free verse, is that an oxymoron? The cinquains with the single word L5 made reading easy and emphatic.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. I think there is a typo - L2 Rescus ? did you mean Rescue?
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light" came to mind as I read your poem. I liked it very much.
Hi Fyn, I am reading your "How to Read a Poem Take 2" found at Read and Review. Of course I had to read this after seeing the title plus the attractive poem on the page.
"Flay it open, down to meat and guts
until it bleeds words,
and they splatter
on the floor of your mind." WOW!
And it gets better from there.... I loved your poem.
Hi Jeff, I ran across your Pantoum, The Mystery of Malachi at the Lighthouse. I thought the form perfect to explore the mystery. The back and forth tumbling refrain echo the quandary.
Use what is helpful and ignore the rest, I think the theme brilliant. The execution of the form is right on BUT the erratic rhythm of several lines spoils the fluidity. And it is an easy fix.
The Pantoum is primarily iambic pentameter. At the very least, the lines should be of equal length. It stress this because I think the rhythm of some of your lines is awkward. Paying attention to how it reads out loud will help. You use a lot of word that are not necessary that disrupt the flow. The form is originally from matching the rhythm of fishermen rowing out to make their catch. The even rhythm of the oars slicing the water. Form or no form, a poem should be fluid.
Your first stanza is close to flawless. It doesn't have to be the da Dum da Dum etc or the iambic pattern as long as there are 5 stressed syllables and that is what is reflected in S1.
L8 on the other hand, "Or maybe he and Ezra really are synonymous" runs on forever. You have already set up the concept of questioning, exploring so you don't need those extra word "maybe" and "really" like " Or, he and Ezra are synonymous." The "Or" suggests "maybe", you don't need to say it.
L10 "Perhaps Malachi wasn’t a name but a designation" could be "Perhaps not a name but destination." Your title and first stanza has established that the poem is all about the name Malachi, so you don't need to keep repeating it.
L12 It means messenger, apt characterization. (I'm just throwing out alternative ideas.)
L14 Over the years, many left perplexed
L15 Identity is second to the text
It is your poem, I think if you played with the rhythm it can be better.
I really like this poem, it brings up a mystery many have never pondered. Even people very familiar with the Bible.
Hi BS, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Sea of Angels that I found on Random Review. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
Your title is an attention getter.
The poem, primarily iambic quatrains with alternate rhyme.the odd numbered Lines are unrhymed provides an excellent frame for this picture of depression.
I,liked,that you don't hold back, "Full of talent" / "Empty of drive" a pretty good description of,depression.
I wonder if you found a way to include at least one concrete image how would that impact this poem.
Hi Angie, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Ethnicity. Use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
This uneven, 13 line poem with random rhyme, tackles a big subject. You narrow it down to an exchange between two mothers with vivid imagery. Beautiful.
The only thing I could suggest is to used the line break more efficiently. L5 is very lone in respect to the rest of the poem. You could easly break almost every line to give your images more impact and to show enhance the parallels you could indent the 2nd half of the hemistich. Something like:
We share different texture hair,
we share different accents.
My child plays on the jungle gym,
yours swing in the air
If this were mine, I'd play with line breaks. Of course it isn't mine and I remind you, ignore that which you don't find helpful.
I thought this a smart poem. You reach the reader through concrete images...Thanks for sharing.
Hi Anne, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your charming short story, "Fresh Bread".
Of course your title will draw reader, who can resist fresh bread?
This was a delightful slice of life, touching on an everyday event. So much is familiar yet none of it is. The smell of baking bread, the courtesy to an elderly neighbor, the expanded imagery and the guilty pleasure. I can't buy a warm loaf of sourdough bread and not tear some off to eat on the way home. I can imagine the temptation to a young girl. We all can.
Hi Abdulla X, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Everflowing Stream. Use what you think helpful and ignore the rest, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader.
For starters I think your title is enticing... The poem looks easy to read. That will draw readers in.
An interesting sonnet form. Primarily iambic pentameter, rhyme aabxbcdcdexegg x being unrhymed. The rhythm is off in a few of the lines. The archaic language fits with the form and content to an extent but it sounds a little flowery to my ear. That is just a preference of this reader.
Hi HOOves, Your Ghostly the Rain is hauntingly beautiful. The words carry a heaviness until the very last stanza when the words become light and clear. I thought it was interesting how that developed.
I loved the insertion of the name Connemara Coastline, I have no idea where that is but it gave the poem a distinct location. That is a feature I'm learning that often elevates a poem to poetry.
Hi Ken, Your White Raven posted at I Write more than embodies the image provided as the prompt for your poem. I've read a few inspired by the same image but I don't think I've seen as well crafted. The rhythm, the alternating rhyme, the story's progress all work together in dark harmony. I love that you create a legend.
Hi Gen, Here I am again, reviewing Pitching a Snowball. Great come on title. Who wouldn't read?
At first I was trying to figure out what was going on. Not your writing, my inexperience with snow. Then I got into it and I thought what an imagination this girl has but by the end I was wondering, is there such an event, is this actually possible?
Hi J., I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your Thaw that I ran across at Random Reviews.
First Impression: Interesting title and very short story, quick and easy read. I'm in.
Form: Short story which is not the genre I normally write or review but I'll do my best. I know to look for character development, plot, epiphany. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Techinically, this piece appears flawless.
What I liked: First the imagery, "blanket of white pinned down by a dull grey sky". I wanted to put this in a poem.
Progression: Winter snow, I been in snow only a couple of times and then it was in patches. I've seen photos and videos of course but the reality of living in snow is foreign to me. The hole in the snow drift, the sound, a snow drift up to a window sill, a drop of water still have me wondering although I am making a connection with the missing husband and child, (only at the end) and I'm still unsure how or why this could happen. It is not your writing, it is my ignorance.
Overall: I thought this well written and had a huge shock at the end when I realized that somehow, she knew they died in the snow and couldn't try and find them until the thaw. It was a very emotional piece.
~~Tink
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It reads like poetry. There is rhyme and lovely vivid imagery here. At first I thought it was an error at the paragraph after and we slip . . . . then realized it was deliberate, like poetry.