Hi Victoria, Welcome to WDC. I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your poem What happened? A review is just seeing your poem through one reader's eyes, use what us think is helpful and ignore the rest.
I was pulled in to read your poem by curiosity sparked by your title. your use of the line break in this 15 line, free verse piece allowed you to use no end stops or capitals. The poem is free of any punctuation except two appropriately placed commas. Nice job.
I don't actively look for spelling, punctuation or syntax errors unless they disrupt the flow of the poem. L13 barley. I think you meant barely. You might want to fix that typo.
This is a poem with a broken heart. It gratefully doesn't drag out the angst. It was typical of young love breakup poems. To make it extraordinary it needs a surprise or twist. Honey to vinegar is a pretty common parallel. I think that the creativity demonstrated in the frame of this poem can also produce that surprise.
Hi Heather, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Stop the Clock. The title stopped me from scanning for something to review and landed me right here.
Your free verse poem uses line breaks well but I think you are a little heavy handed with the commas and stingy with the periods. A line break gives a natural pause and a comma at the end of the line causes the pause to last too long. If you wrote
No longer the girl who would,
spend all day out,
exploring and getting dirty,
climbing trees and digging
all in one line like a sentence, you would only put a comma after the 3rd line and you would put a period after digging. Poetry is no different. It should be
No longer the girl who would
spend all day out
exploring and getting dirty,
climbing trees and digging.
If it were mine, I would take all of the end line punctuation out and read your poem out loud. I think you will hear where commas and periods go. Of course it isn't mine and I should have said earlier, use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
I liked this nostalgic look back at more carefree days.
Hi Jay, I like your poem Active Belief. Yep, faith is an action verb.
Your first stanza is so clear, I actually could feel my heart rise in my chest as I read it. It moved me. Your poem reminded me of the book of James, faith without works is dead.
You are right the form fit your message perfectly. Nice one Jay.
HI Maria, This was fun to read. Now for the review.... I'm Tinker and you will now see your poem through my eyes, use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
Loved, loved, loved your title. I wanted to play. And you right, there is something fun and playful about alliteration and when done excessively, almost silly.
The poem, a triplet, was short, literally too the point, demonstrating with skill the term alliteration and in rhyme.
I have no nits on this one. Is it great poetry, no. Is it informative poetry, yes. Is it fun poetry, absolutely.
Hi surf, I ran across your poem Copper Moon under the Paranormal genre list. I fell in love with the "Copper" Moon. I don't think I've seen that term before. And it is so right on, now I wish I had thought of that while moon watching a month ago when the Super Moon had me hanging outside in the cold to watch it's coppery glow. That's the poem that got away.
So you begin with a mystery, "Your Moon", who is your? I'm not asking you, I'm asking myself. Then another mystery, "Her glow", who is her, the fire or a waiting woman? It could go either way. The rest of the poem has a very sensual undertone that takes me back to the probability of a woman. But the previous lines say it is the fire. Hhmm?
This is a review, so a reminder, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest. A hearth is the area around the fire pit or box. It is not supposed to get hot. If it gets hot, your fire might be getting away from you. Warm, cozy, inviting, might apply but "hot"? Just thinking out loud. A question from one poet to another, did you mean for the woman to be a mystery in the sense of understanding whether is a referral to the fire or to a living breathing woman? If so it is fine, if you had a clear vision that you want to communicate to your reader, I think you need to rethink the line.
I enjoyed reading this poem. I never thought It otherworldly, I thought it a romantic poem.
HI Elukxhana, I'm Tinker and I ran across your poem There and thought "Where"? So I had to read it and review it. You use Free Verse with lots of repetition to emphasize the theme, the search for Utopia. Use what you deem helpful in this review, ignore the rest.
I thought adding "a poem about utopia" below the title weakened the poem from the start. It is up to the reader to find out what the poem is about. Why read further?
I was a little disappointed that although this was easy to read and I already knew what it was about, the poem didn't say much. No surprise, no unique images nothing to take away from "there".
I liked the pattern of the poem, like rambling thoughts, wishes.
Hi Smerelajiah, I'm Tinker and I was drawn to your Turtles don't thrive on Mars because of the silliness of the title. It is your poem, use what you deem helpful here and ignore the rest.
This certainly is a very short story which was a little disappointing because so much could have been done with this silliness. I think you have a strong base to let your imagination go wild. If it had been mine I would be laughing at myself from one silly image to the next.
I don't normally look for spelling, punctuation or syntax errors unless they disrupt the flow of the piece. I think that the third sentence is awkward and definitely disrupts the flow. I think you should play with it, maybe make it two sentences.
I wanted more from your little story but I thought the nonsense aspect quite good.
SHi Tellboy, I'm Tinker and I chose your short story to review because I ran across this looking for a friend's poem. Your title "First Concert" drew me in further.
I don't often review short stories but I was curious. The experience was told in the first person from 15 year old's perspective. The images came alive
I do have a couple,of things to pick on. Use what helps and ignore the rest, it's just a review.
I was a little disturbed by paragraph 13 "Watching through cocaine eyes". This was about going to a concert. No previous mention of taking drugs and no subsequent mention. This is a barely 15 year old taking a pretty serious drug and it is mention casually once. It shocked me and dulled the rest of the story. It doesn't seem to have any reason to be mentioned, so why is it mentioned at all?
Paragraph 14. "Entering from stage from right ". I think this should be fixed to "entering from stage right"
I did enjoy the challenge of reviewing a short story, normally I stick to poetry. This was interesting and well written.
Hi Slytha, I'm reviewing your Haikus of a Flightless Mammal. Just a reminder, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The format of WCD requires us to title all poems. If you have to title haiku, you certainly came up with an intriguing one. Loved it and even if they weren't titled, their appearance on the page would pull me in.
Form: Haiku, an observation in the moment in 17 syllables or less.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece.
What I liked: I love the form and you used it well. The concept behind the content was fascinating. Loved this phrase "our feathered compatriots".
What I didn't like: This just picky and my thought wen reading this line sounds awkward to me "we found wings we could fly on"
Hi Purple Princess, I'm reviewing your Hypertension. Just a reminder, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title didn't lure me but the shape of the poem did.
Form: A 14 line narrative and therefore not a sonnet. Written in rhymed or near rhymed couplets with lines of variable line lengths centered on the page.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I noticed no concerns.
What I liked: The content, not the same old, same old. It raises awareness of a deadly condition that so many of us have no clue we have.
What I didn't like: Nothing
Overall: This is an easy to read poem with an important message.
Hi Grayhawk, I'm reviewing your Walk on Bye. Just a reminder, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
Form: Free Verse, a 15 line poem and taking on the Persona of a homeless person. The power of Free Verse is in the line break, allowing the poet to make words important by their position in the line. It doesn't appear to me you used the form to its full advantage.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. typo-double comma L3, L14 "tonight".
What I liked: That your poem attempts to address the social issue of homelessness.
What I didn't like: Your choice of line break or lack thereof.
Overall: I liked the message of this poem but felt the delivery was sloppy.
Hi Xee, I'm reviewing your Tears of Solitude. I'm sure you already know, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title is lovely and sad. The teaser intrigued me.
Form: Three quatrains with uniform line length, rhyme abab ccdd efef.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I found the archaic language distracting "thee" ov'r if't and nev'r Since the syllable count was variable there was no point in trying to cut syllables and after stumbling I pronounce the words in full anyway.
What I liked: "wink the snakes, spray the light to dark" Very interesting imagery. "So allow the soul to ignite__Word of advice." Good advise.
What I didn't like: The archaic language and condensed words.
Overall: I thought this poem had some confusing moments but I applaud the concept.
Hi Antonia. I'm reviewing your Where I Left My Peace. As I'm sure you know, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title was intriguing.
Form: A 19 line poem broken into 2 stophes with random rhyme and L1 is repeated as a refrain in L1 of the second strophe.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns.
What I liked: I loved "You're a child beneath the canopy, amongst the ancient gentry." Oh yes I know that feeling so well. We are kindred spirits. I live in the coastal mountains of Northern California with the ocean to the west and a redwood forest in my back yard. I could relate to every line.
What I didn't like: That it is cold and dark right now and I can't go outside.
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your I Never Saw Grandpa Wear Blue Jeans. Just a reminder, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: How can anyone resist a title like that?
Form: Free Verse in 17 lines. The frame compliments the content. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. No concerns here.
What I liked: This was a nostalgic look at a slice of life. I loved your grandpa from the first line.
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. I am glad I stumbled on it, it reminded me of my own grandfather. Thanks for the step back with love.
Hi dramatica, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your Heartache. Just a reminder, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title Heartbreak and that run on and on line I see on the page says to me "do I want to get involved?" What the heck, I got this far I'm curious where this is going.
Form: Free Verse in 18 lines. Lines of random length, one line super long. Random rhyme aabbbbxbxxxcxxxddc
What I liked: The release of emotion through writing. A healing event.
What I didn't like: This reads like a journal entry, a lot of emotion but no attention to the craft. The poem was full of angst.
Overall: This is a great healing poem but it isn't a poem for the public.
Hi Wrd Girl, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Je ne suis. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Ok I saw this title, then the poem on the page and it looked beautiful to me. No I don't speak or read French.
Form: Written in 4 quatrains with lines of variable length, random rhyme and L1 repeated as L1 of each quatrain in refrain. "I am neither tourist or client."
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. In French I have no clue what to look for.
What I liked: I don't read French but I can use a translator, it doesn't do the poetry of the original justice but I can hear the sounds and concept of the last stanza is inspiring.
I am neither a tourist nor a client
By leaving no footprints I'm
Forever changed; I Cross continents
With my breath--my words--I build.
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: This is a beautiful poem, well worth the effort to cross the barrier of language.
Hi Marqese, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Sons of Beelzebub. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title, the appearance of the poem on the page looks thick. This could scare some off from reading. Just an observation.
Form: Free Verse, a poem in 21 random length lines. Some lines are very long giving the poem an ominous feel.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns. Well this line
"The principle forces that you wield binds are hands creating elasticity" Did you mean "binds, are hands" or did you mean "binds our hands"?
What I liked: The heaviness of this piece from its appearance to the density of lines and the intense word choices.
What I didn't like: Nothing
Overall: This is not a poem for the faint of heart. It beats you down and raises you up.
Hi Mr Y, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your "The Search". A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I have to wonder was this typed from an iPhone or iPad? The bullets before each line appear like a list and the space between each line makes the poem seem disconnected. The Search is a pretty generic title that might not bring a lot of readers in to read.
Form: Free Verse written in an octastich. I'm making an assumption but I ran across bullets with spacing with someone else and he didn't know how to correct it. I helped. Is this how you wanted this to appear? If so you are welcome to copy and paste in an edit to your static item.
The Knights set off into the night
To find Freedom
To find hope
To find the king who will restore life to the land
And stop the plague that brings death
To bring the traitor to the blood to justice
They will look day by day for the light in this dark land
So the nightmare can end.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns.
What I liked: That you attempted to step into this fantasy world.
What I didn't like: L6 makes no sense to me. Knight off to war to conquer an evil is nothing new in the fantasy world. What can you contribute to offer something new, surprising. Surprise is at the core of fantasy.
Overall: I believe this poem has a lot of work still to be done, but it has a good beginning.
Hi Sonja, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your "Eyes" . A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title is pretty generic. I don't know if I would have chosen to read bases on your title, I chose because you came up at the top of Fan Fiction genre and I was curious. I'm not sure what Fan Fiction is.
Form: Free Verse, a poem in 17 lines. After reading this I wonder if you made most of one of the most important features of Free Verse, the line break. The line break allows the poet to emphasize or give importance to specific words. Your poem as is seems to make "are with your eyes: look almost like an after thought. Such as:
"The most important conversation you'll have
are with your eyes"
or something like this:
The most
important conversation
you'll have
are with your eyes
Just something to think about.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns.
What I liked: The last strophe. It touched me.
What I didn't like: I had to read this a few of times to follow who's eyes when. It got a little confusing going back and forth. It sorted out but it took a little work on the reader's part.
Overall: I liked this poem after I sorted out who's eyes were talking. It was a clever concept and stepped outside of the same old, same old. I Still don't know what Fan Fiction is though. I'll have to google it.
Hi Jay. I'm reviewing your The Nocturne of Waiting . As you know, a review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I love the Title. It sounds like a symphony.
Form: 3, primarily 5 stressed lined quatrains with alternating rhyme. The rhythm is fluid, the sound low and contemplative.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. A missing comma L11 My dear, my deer
What I liked: The sincerity of the piece.
What I didn't like: Here is where I get picky and I remind you feel free to ignore. The use of archaic language sounds affected to me. L1 When my eyes linger from sleep. And if you need another stress When my weary eyes linger from sleep. The next line has too many stresses so it could simply begin. My thoughts . . . Just because it is a poem we shouldn't start writing differently than we speak normally.
Overall: I actually love this poem, I get picky when I can see the potential. This is beautiful but I think with attention to syntax and rhythm I can be be even more beautiful.
Hi Surfnrg, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Silver. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title seemed simple and alluring. The poem light on the page.
Form: Free Verse with very short lines, using line breaks well to give importance to words. A poem in 32 lines. The frame compliments the content.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns.
What I liked: The fluid imagery that languidly evolves with time.
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: This is a beautifully sensual poem. I enjoyed this read.
Hi Damien, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Bobo the Clown. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I was attracted to your poem because of the title. I was ready for some fun.
Form: 3 quatrains with long, fairly uniform lines followed by a single line, rhyme xaxa xbxb xcxc x. X being unrhymed. The frame compliments the content.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I think you need a couple of commas. L 7 playing with kids, squirting kids. L9 I believe it needs a comma after fun out, the smile . . . L12 seems to be missing a word " I stand in the ?, then I get a call.
What I liked: it is a human portrayal of a clown, shows the man behind the paint.
What I didn't like: This is where I get picky. Let me remind you, you are free to ignore. The number of very simple errors suggests to me a lack of interest. It just seems sloppy writing.
Overall: I think this poem needs some attention but it is worth the work.
Hi Mary Ann, I'm reviewing your Persona. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I remember the assignment but don't remember this poem, I think you should title it other than by the assignment. I love that the assignment inspired this interesting character.
Form: Free Verse with random rhyme. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. L7 eddit should be edit. L10 declaired should be declared L15 ciol should be coil and electonic is electronic. I think these are more typos than misspelling.
What I liked: I enjoyed reading about this lady and I thought this was humorous. It was a fun read.
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: I liked this poem. It was interesting and humorous.
Hi Crissy, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your One Blow. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title sparks interest and the poem appears easy to read on the page.
Form: Free Verse with line breaks well chosen to communicate and emphasize the thought. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no concerns.
What I liked: The last half of the poem. The imagery was condensed and clever.
What I didn't like: This is where I get picky and remind to feel free to ignore. In the first half of e poem some of the imagery gets a little wordy. "Rigidity of facial features". Sounds a affected and might be better "face rigid" Just an opinion.
Overall: I could feel the anger in this poem. That is what it is about, communicating an emotion.
Hi Jeff, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your Thief of Hearts. A review is seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you deem helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title was intriguing and the fact that it is a Quatern really drew me to this poem. Don't see a lot of Quaterns.
Form: Quatern, 4, 8 syllable quatrains with a tumbling refrain. Rhyme scheme at discretion of the poet but the refrain must be Axxx xAxx xxAx xxxA.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation, or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. If this were mine, I'd take hard look at your punctuation. I thought it chopped the fluidity and L9 has no need of a comma at the end. Poetry uses punctuation only when it is absolutely necessary for clarity. Line breaks create an natural pause. Punctuation at the end of a line produces a prolonged pause which unless it is the end of a sentence or stand out phrase, should not not be punctuated.
What I liked: I love the tumbling refrain. I felt the poem was well crafted and utilized the verse form to compliment the content.
What I didn't like: I think I've already address the punctuation. The meter is a syllable off in many lines but that is just being picky and it is fine. Then there is the personal preferance that the beginning of a line should not have caps unless It begins a sentece or is a proper ame. Classic poetry does it all of the time but in today's modern poetry, caps are more strategically used.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this well crafted poem.
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What the heck, I got this far I'm curious where this is going.