Hi Jeff, I'm reviewing your "Night Shift" for I Write. I thought this short story clear, surprising and interesting.
What I especially liked was the obvious role reversal. I simply didn't expect the primary character to be Audrey. It was skillfully revealed. I also liked the equality of responsibility and commitment which touched me.
This was easy reading, I spotted no distractions. I liked this short story, thank you.
Hi Genipher, I am reviewing "Mermaid Dreams and Centaur Wings" for I Write. This was so well constructed.
A slice of life with a clear agenda and a peek at human connection or not. This had empathy, humor and a tolerance not often found in adversity. Sometimes we forget that the author of what we read is human too. We get so caught up in the story and our own peculiar reaction to it that we fail to see the other side. I thought this piece was thoroughly interesting and enjoyable. Thank you.
Hi Clara, I am reviewing your The Night Before found at Read and Review. A review is just one person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression, the poem seemed unfinished. As if you had typed it in html without <br> line breaks. But it looked short and fast and I'm just trying to meet my review commitment with limited time.
Actually I found this piece interesting and I'm glad I stopped by. I do think it would benefit but real line breaks not just broken phrases with periods. As posted it is a little hard to read. The random, disjointed moments of the poem ramble just as I felt the evening unfolded, unfocused, without direction or ambition. You communicated an empty sadness.
You managed to make me feel the poem which is goal of all poems. If you are just beginning to write again, I hope you don't drop the ball here.. Keep writing.
Hi T4tunes, I'm reviewing your What Evil Lurks found at read and review. I usually stick to poetry for review but this piece captured me. I had to read it after seeing "dialog between business man and his shadow."
I thought this very cleverly written. It was always clear who was speaking, which is often not the case in this type of writing. Your play with words was fun and interesting. I have nothing to offer in the way of improvement. I enjoyed reading your well thought out and creative piece.
Hi nn, I'm reading your The Funny LIfe found at Read and Review. A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Your title and brevity of form make this poem look easy and fun to read.
Form: Free verse with very short lines.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow.
This is what I liked:The first strophe lays out a pretty easy, good life. Your lines are clear. Then you question the reality of such a life. "unfair" is another word for real life full of zingers.
I wonder if: I question why that would be funny. Did I miss something? I wonder if you would have gotten your point across a little better if you included a line or two more which would reinforce the "funny" observation
Finally:. I thought this poem a fairly easy read. I will look for more of your work.
Hi HOOves, I am reviewing your poem Into the April Wind for I Write. We must be on similar time schedules.
I love the title....It brought up fluid images in my mind, lovely images of wildflowers bending and swaying. Unfortunately the form Count Down doesn't appear to allow fluidity or movement. I think the lines all beginning in caps may have contributed to chopping the rhythm.
I did like these lines,
Singing
Something stirs
Light dormant skies
Captured by a breeze
Bicycle in the wind
I could envision this.
My first read of this poem was difficult but after reading all of the footnotes and the lyrics the next read smoothed out a bit. I honestly think the concept behind this poem and some of your imagery could be molded into a beautifully powerful poem with a different form such as Free Verse. Just thinking out loud. I struggled with this one a little but finally got it.
Hi Rhyssa, I am reviewing your "time to unwind" found in Read and Review. I was rushing through looking for a simple review so I could meet my weekly goal and came upon this poem which at first glance told me it would be easy because of the imagery in the first stanza. WoW! Now is that easy enough?
Then I read on, this powerful free verse poem is filled with unique and mind altering concrete images. I felt each of them. The poem took a little more time than I first thought because I wanted to go back and read it over and over. I loved it, see how easy that was.
Hi Anthony, I'm flattered you requested my review of your "Query Letter". I hope the review will be helpful. I mostly review poetry and have personally never thought to write a query letter so I'm stepping into unfamiliar territory with this review. I can only offer my thoughts.
My first impression was one of surprise that a letter didn't begin with, "Dear XXX". You jump right in with acknowledging the recipient. I wonder if that is wise. I don't know the answer, i'm thinking out loud. My next surprise was the use of the words "mullato" and "Caucasian", "biracial and white" would be the words I probably would have used. "mullato" is a word of the past with negative connotation. "Caucasian" is simply an awkward word. Then again you are referring to a time when the words were more common. No judgement, just another observation.
Your 3rd paragraph offers a few scenarios that seem disconnected. "ferocious hurricane sneaks" seems like an oxymoron to me. I never thought of a hurricane sneaking before, I think they make a lot of noise and you usually know a little in advance that it is happening. Hero acts and saves his love and the community turns on him and his family for that? The community would turn because of open expression of his love but for saving her not likely. And what would his father being surprised that he was born have to do with his saving her or the community's threats? And if he Xavier saved Sophia, why would he have to reconcile with her? From your letter I was unable to gain the focus of your story. If this were mine, I'd rethink how those scenarios were linked and how best clarify their cohesiveness to your target.
I think you present a story that has potential but has been told before, "young love, frowned upon because of the racial divide". The thing that may set this apart is the twist of the father's relationship with Xavier. That story would be intersting and a little different.
I wish you luck in presenting your story and getting it out there for others to read.
Hi Payal, I am reading your, "you Telll Me". A review is one person view, use what is helpful and ifgnore the rest.
First Impression, your title sounded like a challenge.
Form A poem in 19 lines with random rhyme.
What I liked: The poem had a nice rhythm,
Thoughts: I was a little confused by the tone and the position of the narrator. The poem begins with what reads like frustration. The wife can't get a simple answer from the husband. He avoids, he evades, he obviously is deceptive and manipulative. Which for most would make him suspect. But instead the wife seems to abandon her frustration and humbles herself to admire him for his manipulative nature. The poem didn't seem consistent.
I may have read this entirely differently than intended but it is your words that led me. If I didn't understand you correctly then is there some way your poem could be adjusted to clarify? Just thinking out loud.
Hi HOOves, I'm reviewing your "Moonlight Over Alabama" for I Write. Love the title which fits the poem perfectly.
So much is told in this piece. The legendary, fiery love of Scott and Zelda across continents told in chained quatrains. Very cleverly done. Tragic story really but well represented in your poem. You capture the razzle dazzle energy of the time. Nice.
Hi Jacky, I'm reading your "The Shell". A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I live near the Pacific coast and love walking the beach seeking shells. Yes this intrigued me.
Form: Flash Fiction, prose.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Nothing jumped off the page.
This is what I liked:Well this wasn't what I as expecting, it was so much more. A magic shell. A switch of persona. Very interesting.
I wonder if: The mean Netti for some reason didn't seem that mean at first read. Going back and rereading, I saw it but why didn't I get it the first time? I wonder if, "Mary stood beside Netti. as first handmaiden?. I wonder if this said, Mary stood beside her mistress, Netti, as first Handmaiden". I read the book, The Handmaiden's Tale several years ago. I live in a rural area with satellite internet so I can't stream and I have been unable to see the Netflix or Hulu production, but I did think of the book. On first read, I did not understand the distinction between Mary and Netti.
Final Thought: Thanks, I really enjoyed reading your little story.
Hi Cory, I found your My Day to Day on Read and review. I'm unsure how a review of what appears to be a personal journal entry should be done but, I'm giving it a try.
For a personal entry, with only you as the reader, the single paragraph would be just fine. But, as an entry meant for others to read, breaking it up into 2 or more paragraphs would make it an easier read.
The droning sequence of events as described well communicates well the feeling of the experience and demonstrates skilled writing.
There is not much more I could add. It was an interesting read.
Hi Ken, I'm reading your Vanishing Act found at Read and Review.
First Impression: The title was intriguing, the story looked short and easy to read. Sorry, I'm in a time crunch.
Form:Flash fiction, I think or a very short story. Whatever, it is prose , mostly dialog.
This is what I liked:That you communicated this very complicated concept in so few words. Admittedly I had to read it a few times to understand it and at the first read I was totally lost. Then I read the prompt and I carefully reread the piece.
I wonder if: I wonder if there could be just a little more background given to set up the time travel concept. I'm not sure how but I just know even after the third read I think I know what I read but it was muddled in my brain. And that could be just the fault of my brain.
Finally:I love that I see you writing outside of the genre that I know you best at poetry. I haven't ventured outside yet but seeing you do it is inspiring.
Hi Carly, I'm reading your Winter Solstice, found at Read and Review.
First Impression: Title and appearance on the page conjured beautiful snowflake images in my mind.
Form: Free Verse with 31 lines, fluidly progressing through time.
This is what I liked:It wasn't about snowflakes at all. It was about the journey that life takes us on, in the vastness of God's plan.
These lines, so wise:
"Examining the past year
With all its foibles and accomplishments
And considering our way forward
And what paths to take
To make the next year even better."
Final thoughts:I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem.
Hi Fyn, Returning the favor and reviewing your Personal Effects. This one hit home. I've decluttered and decluttered to get rid of stuff but still have a house full of "gems" of value. My legacy for my grandkids who want none of it. I have my mother-in-law's china, my Mom's china and my own china and my son and spouse have their own china. None of which is ever pulled out and used. No one cares about china any more. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Your poem is so sad but inspires me to get clearing again. Going deeper. The true test will be my husband's shop... and he may never be strong enough to even walk out there anymore.
Hi Wolfbane, I'm reading your, Eyes of the Insect . A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Oh your title did draw me in. I had to read on.
Form: Interesting, 2 sixains rhyme aabaab aacddc followed by 2 quatrains rhyme effe ghhg. Random meter. Limited rhyme is difficult congratulations.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow.
This is what I liked: The humor. The concept was humorous. The imagery is humorous. A fun poem
I wonder if: The rhythm of some of the lines could be smoothed, especially in L4 and the quatrains.
Finally:This was just a fun poem to read. Thanks, and keep writing.
Hi Jay, I'm reading your, Hot in the City Tonight found at Read and Review. This was written a couple of years ago and it is interesting that reading it and comparing it to some of your recent work and it is clear you are improving as you keep writing.
First Impression: I like the title. This is a terrific title. I could feel the heat.
Form: Alternating rhymed quatrains. The meter isn't what I am used to reading in your work. It is kind of all over the place.
This is what I liked: I like the imagery. I could feel the stifling heat.
I wonder if: You know I'm going back to the meter here. I think this poem needs a work over to bring the meter in line. Otherwise you have another one of your gems.
Hi Angel, I'm reading your The Gift. A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: So many possibilities offered in those two words "the gift". Of course I wanted to unwrap it.
Form: Short Story, written in character development, background, plot and epiphany. Well done.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Second paragraph, midway, realise should be realize.
This is what I liked:This used today's political climate to assist in the set up. It ended hopelessly. I hope that will not be true for today.
I wonder if: I think the first paragraph gets a little muddled and could be condensed to make a little better sense. I wasn't sure what or when you were talking about at first.
Finally: This was a sad little story. But then I'm not really in favor of mind manipulation for evil or good. So that isn't the way to win anyway. This little story did make me think. Thanks
Ok Ken, I'm returning the favor... Here is a quick review of your Whiskey Limerick, A Punny Limerick. My competition in the Daily Poem contest. For pure humor, this is the winner. It made me laugh.
As far as the rhythm, you are a bit off. It should sound like this:
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM,
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM,
(da) da Dum da da DEE,
(da) da DUM da da DEE,
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM (da) in parenthasis is optional
Hi YoAn, I'm reading your, Never. A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Never is one of those words that sounds so final yet often is proven wrong over time.
Form: Quatrains with rhyme scheme xaxa xbxb xcxc etc x being unrhymed. Lines of uniform length.
This is what I liked:. I like the determination I hear in the voice of this poem. Clearly the burdens of life are overwhelming but the narrator is a fighter.
I wonder if: I do wonder what is it that is so overwhelming. The world's baggage is pretty broad.
Finally: I wanted to help, to say take it one moment at a time. And keep writing.
Hi Tim, I'm reading your, A Merry Christmas for Young and Old. A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Well it is 6 days until Easter, so why am I reading a Christmas poem? Because it came up on Read and Review. It's ok, Christmas cheer is always welcome.
Form: Free verse. Honestly, I think this is simply prose in lines.
This is what I liked: I loved the setting, the message of generations gathering and celebrating as family. This is skillfully written for an article or blog.
I wonder if: I wonder if this were more focused, using more concrete images to deliver the message.
Finally: I enjoyed reading of a lovely Christmas gathering even at Easter time. Keep writing.
Hi nan, I'm reading your, "The Darkness and the little Girl". A review is just another's person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I thought from title and teaser that this was going to be a bedtime story for children. I was very wrong and pleasantly surprised at the story that followed.
Form: Short Story. The story has characters, a plot and a conclusion.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow. There are many grammatical errors that brings forth the question, is English your first language? If not, I suggest you sit with someone prolific in English and read your story over with them. Things to look for, word placement to make sense, (There once was a little girl who didn't know where to go.) should be your opening sentence. Syntax L3 should be (that lay in front of her.) Punctuation, especially parenthesis "Do you know how to get out of here? I'm scared and want to go home." said the little Girl. Spelling and typing need attention too.
This is what I liked:I like the personification of darkness and the concept behind the story. If delivered in a more finished manner, this would be very good. It held my interest.
Finally: You have a good story here, now the delivery needs some finesse. Keep writing.
Hi Carly, I'm reading your, 2013 Nanowrimo Letter. I'm unsure if this could officially be considered a review. I'm not thinking I have anything to offer to improve writing such as this.
First Impression: I was surprised a letter of commitment was written. I signed up for NaPoWriMo and I didn't recall any requirement to write a letter of commitment. I have to admit that I thought you were writing about NaPoWriMo until I got further into the letter. I may have joined years ago but I didn't begin posting or participating here until the end of last July. I'm still sorting out all of the activities here. The two titles looked pretty much the same to me.
This is what I liked:I thought it a good idea to write a letter of commitment even for myself at NaPoWriMo, required or not. It was interesting that you knew how much time you would have to commit each day to accomplish your goal.
Finally: I learned something about myself and picked up a couple of good ideas to practice in my own writing. Thanks.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
First Impression: Your title and brevity of form make this poem look easy and fun to read. 
Form: Free verse with very short lines. 
This is what I liked:The first strophe lays out a pretty easy, good life. Your lines are clear. Then you question the reality of such a life. "unfair" is another word for real life full of zingers. 
I wonder if: I question why that would be funny. Did I miss something? I wonder if you would have gotten your point across a little better if you included a line or two more which would reinforce the "funny" observation
Finally:. I thought this poem a fairly easy read. I will look for more of your work.
HOOves