Hi Steph, I'm back reading your Know Thine Enemy. I never intended to abandon this. I've just been super busy. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression:Sickbay and Convalescence. Did you really mean just Convalesce?
Form: Chapter 16. It's a long one for you. I swear I already read this. I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Nothing jumped out at me except "Convalesce"..
What I liked:This was clean. None of the "sort of sloppy mistakes" in earlier chapters. The suspense builds
Hi Jaya, I'm reading your puppet, "In My Mothers Arms. Use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression Your title will draw any mother to read on.
Form: unrhymed Quatrains with a single line at the end. The lines are very short lines, which makes the poem a little choppy.
What I liked: Being a mother, of course I loved the theme. A grown child's appreciation for her mother.
Ideas: I was a little disappointed the only thing said about the mother was what she gave the child, what most mothers do. I wonder if a unique feature that the child found endearing was included which would set this mother apart from millions of others would make this poem more interesting.
The end: I enjoyed reading your poem. Keep writing and sharing.
~~Tink
Hi Harry, I'm reading your poem, "A Noble Enterprise" Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression:The poem on the page looks substantial and the title confirms it.
Form: Free Verse with a steady rhythm and good line break choices.
What I liked:I liked that your poem graphically or at least somewhat graphically describes the horrors of war and disputes its nobility. This tragic tale reminds me of the poetry of Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon, WWI poets who also did not buy into the fantasy. Owen even lost his life in the trenches only 6 days before the end of the war. So sad.
Ideas: I didn't realize the speaker was dead when reading the first stanza. This was probably intentional on your part. It began like a Spring flowers and butterflies poem and I questioned in my head what this had to do with a noble cause. I offer no suggestion for improvement unless you intended the first stanza to be more somber.
The end:I was impressed with this poem. The anti-war sentiment came through loud and clear without preaching.
Hi IAMWATIAM, I'm reading your poem, Unclear. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression:The title made me curious, the teaser set me up for a poem and I see two sentences.
Form: This is simply two sentences. It could easily broken into lines for a more poetic emphasis.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation and syntax unless it disrupts the flow.
"to many paths to choose which one to take." ~~ Should be too
" I will give thanks to him and pray." Should be Him and pray.
What I liked:Your faith shines through.
Ideas: I think the adjustments I already mentioned above would improve this poem.
The end:Thank you for sharing your faith and keep writing.
Hi HOOves, I am reviewing your sonnet, Wicked Harbor for I Write element. I am relieved and grateful you went before me to review the very long short story before you. I simply didn't have that kind of time this morning.
First Impression: The title is ominous and the "little song" promises romance, a romantic at heart I'd read without it being a part of a commitment.
Form:The obvious, a Shakespearean Sonnet with the exception this is tetrameter which was consistent and a choice.
What I liked: "The Roundstone vista's, life's hard truth." The sound, the juxtaposition of Roundstone/hard, this line is not only a nice rhythm it has depth.
Suggestions: The sound pattern doesn't have to be pure iambic but some lines could use smoothing, like: "He should have known never give trust," would be smoother He should have known to never trust.
The End: I liked this poem which may be more heartbreak than romance. And thanks again for not being intimidated by that very long short story which I am committed to reading when I have more time.
Hi Netty, I'm reading your poem, God is Bigger Than Me. Use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Yes, God is a bigger than me too!
Form: Free Verse with some long lines.
What I Liked: Your faith always shines through your words.
Suggestions:.
L2 "He holds the whole world in His hands"
L3 "He holds the moon and the stars in place, the clouds,
L5 bigger than me,He gave breath to meet
L7 He breathes snow.
Hi Victoria, I'm reviewing your poem, "The Flight of the Raven". The title sounds ominous.
A review is one person's opinion, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
Written in quatrains with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc x being unrhymed. The rhythm is fluid. I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Nothing jumped out at me.
The sadness of an ending relationship is supported by shadows and darkness. I loved "as darkness shifts into every corner" great imagery.
Hi Lou, I'm reviewing your poem, "Gulf Coast Fishermem". I thought your title interesting and thought I would be reading about adventures of s fishing boat but was surprised to read about a victim of Katrina.
Of course, fishing boats were destroyed in the hurricane but the images connected to Katrina in my mind are people wading in water or being rescued from roof tops. So this poem with your realistic images, "burning throat, warm belly" gave me another perspective. Thank you.
I see nothing I can offer to improve this poem.
I liked this: "Where old charts and maps/ tell tales and cry"
Hi Schnojo, I'm reviewing you poem, "I Wish I Could Take it Back". A review is one person's opinion, use what you think helpful an ignore the rest.
First Impression: Your title lets the reader know there is an apology in your writing. One look at the poem on the page and its length can appear intimidating. However the frame of couplets does make reading easier and less intimidating. The fact that the first line of the poem is the first line of every couplet makes it even easier to read. I think the repetition is effective.
It is almost as if I was reading two different poems, negative and positive every other couplet. I'm not sure that worked for me. The sincerity seemed to come from the negative lines.
I thought this was a skillfully written piece, taking some risk of style. I hope it worked.
Hi Mastiff, I just read your "Gunshot", attracted by the title. A very current subject.
Married to a retired deputy and the mother of an investigator with the Sheriff's Dept. guns have always been a part of my life. Gun safety always a top priority.
Your four lines are pretty powerful. A hunter, stalking his prey is shot himself. Was it an accident or was he prey? The end uncertain.
There are a few typo problems: "He'd been watching the edges of the clearcut"
"On his back and stared at the sky" did you mean "he stared" or maybe "and staring"...
I liked "He watched the light dim when it should lighten."
A lot is said this short piece. Leaving the reader with questions.
Hi Robert, I'm reviewing your poem, "Silly", the title of which led me to believe I would be readin a frivolous piece but was surprised to find substance within the frame.
I did stumble on your 6th couplet you use the words "wight" (archaic - brave or strong in war) and "wright" (craftsman) neither make sense to me within the lines?
I especially liked the 5th couplet. I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Hi Elisa, I enjoyed reading your poem "Without You". My review is one persons opinion, use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
I think your title is a good hook to bring in readers and the teaser just adds to it.
This is very short poem, free verse. No poetic devices used. Almost prose in 4 lines. I wonder if it could be a little more dramatic simply by adding a couple more line breaks. Here is just one idea:
You really think
I'd suffer without you
by my side?
Well I'm happy
for once; I found
the love of my life!
If it were mine, I would play with the line breaks and maybe even condensing further such as "for once" almost weakens "I'm happy" and "I found / the love of my life." Both statements with power. These are just ideas your poem inspired.
I felt this really was meant for just one person, but as a random reader, I appreciated the peek inside. It has a happy ending.
Hi Sinbad, I'm reviewing your poem, "A Cauldron". A review is one person's opinion, use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
I wasn't sure what to think based on the title, maybe a poem about witches? I read anyway.
This free verse poem in part becomes a catalogue poem, providing 2 lists. I thought this effective.
I don't actively look for error in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. Your poem has no punctuation which is a choice not an error, however I felt there are lines that could benefit from use of a comma or two. L12 and L16 in particular.
My favorite image was "The shining of the shallow water in the drain alongside the willow tree".
This was a compelling poem. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Devilcoco, I'm reviewing your poem, "To A Mother". A review is one person's opinion, use what you think helpful and ignore the rest.
First impression, the title will draw any mother at least. The appearance of the poem on the page looks easy to read, another plus.
Written in short, mono-rhymed quatrains, I thought the writing style a little choppy because of the short lines which makes the lines sound terse. Regardless, I was pulled further and further as I read. Court is a fascinating character.
Hi Netty, I'm reviewing your "When I Speak of Him". Your faith shines through this spiritual poem.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. I think I may have mentioned this to you in a different review, but I believe that pronouns referring to God should be capitalized. This is the only thing I can offer to improve this lovely Meditaion.
Oh, I love this Dave, I'm reviewing your "Season is Ripe", you just showed me a form I had never seen before. Yeah, David Marshall's "experimental haiku form" will be added to my Haiku page over at PMO.
I just wrote a "spring" "haiku chain" poem for Verdant Poetry Contest that I really felt was same old, same old Spring flowers and little lambs. I wanted to create a different kind of Spring poem and then I happen on your musky aroma from tilled garden, scrambled eggs, and a refrain for L3 of each haiku. I wanted to write this.
I have no crit to offer. I thoroughly enjoyed your Spring poem and got new information for my forms research. Thank you.
Hi ConnieAnn, I'm reviewing your "Alone and Sad". A review is one person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
The title could attract others feeling alone.
Written in quatrains with alternating rhyme. There is good use of concrete imagery to ground the poem for the abstracts later. The rhythm could be smoother with a little work.
I especially liked this statement:
"Loneliness has a reason,
Time to heal is its intent."
Hi Timothy, I'm reviewing your poem "Come Out and Play", of course I want to... A review is one person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
I like your title and yes many will want to come out and play....
Written in primarily, tetrameter quatrains rhyme xaxa xbxb xcxc etc. x being unrhymed. The frame allows a logical progression for your tale. If I had to mention one area where you could improve this poem, it is in the rhythm. example the last line... would be more effective without the word "asking" which is a given. There are other lines that could be smoothed but that jumped at me.
This was a delightful poem of friendship that is heartwarming.
Thanks for sharing, I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Fivesixer, I'm reviewing you poem A Farmer In the Fifties which sounds nostalgic.
The frame is quatrains with random meter and rhyme. Repetition is effective
The 50s, there was no such thing as the Internet. Technology was a foreign word. McCarthyism, fear of communism and marijuana were part of the times for city and country. The schools I attended in California were racially integrated. and the radio was the hub for news and entertainment for every household, even farmers, until the TV came into the home, for us it was 53, we were the 2nd on our block to get one.
I thought reading your piece, Even though the poem begins with some apparent respect for your character it changes to almost disdain, which I didn't understand.
Hi Cf.bose, I am reviewing your poem, Mother, You Deserve My Love. A title which might draw some readers.
Your free verse poem makes good use of line breaks
This seems to be a poem about a mother that had a difficult pregnancy and how she fought to keep here baby alive. The narrator feels he owes love to the mother who bore him.
I felt the poem drug on a little too long,. It should have made me feel,good,about child returning love for the things.the mother has done but is was kind of down beat.
Hi Netty, I'm reviewing your "Learn" which is kind of intriguing title.
The frame, a hexastich in free verse. I don't actively look,for,errors,I spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. You have unnecessary parenthesis after the question marks of both L1 and L2 .
I don't quite understand L3 but I think there should be a coma after earth, America.
I think more concrete images would help to deliver your message.
Hi flofree, I'm reviewing your "win or die trying". This is one person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest. I critique the writing not the content.
This is a letter to those with depression. It reads as a sincere attempt to be helpful.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow.
You misspell depression a couple of times in the first few lines. Odd you also spell it right in the same line.
The fourth sentence is way too long and could easily be two or even more sentences.
This is a sad but caring letter. I could feel the pain come through your words.
Hi All Smiles, I'm reviewing your poem, "Walking South". Use what you think helpful and ignore the rest, it is just one person's opinion.
The title suggests a journey and I was very willing to walk along. I thought the title a good hook for prospective readers.
The frame is unique, it matches no 16 line verse form that I can think of. Written 3 tetrameter quatrains followed by a tetrameter tercet and ending in a single line. I suppose one could count the last a quatrain but the separation of the last line is very effective. Rhyme is sometime near and sometimes true and the scheme changes, abab xcxc ddee eff x. x being unrhymed. I thought the repetition of the "walking South" in L7, L11 and L16 very effective.
I thought it interesting that you begin in the dark of night then move to sunset then to previous day, backward.
I enjoyed reading this piece.
~~Tink
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