Hi Tim, I am reviewing your Las Vegas Spectacle. Please accept or reject any comments that work or don't work for you. It is just my opinion and it is your poem after all.
Title: Your title is appropriate but has no mystery. You read the title, you've read the poem.
Form: Free Verse, but really it is simply prose in lines.
Imagery: Very little imagery, the poem tells the reader instead of showing the reader the how wonderful Las Vegas is to the narrator.
Overall: Other than well placed line breaks, there is nothing poetic about this piece. I'm sorry. The syntax is excellent as is the rhythm but the lack of concrete imagery and use of abstracts such as exhilarating, exquisite, amazing, mesmerizing make this a poem with the need of a lot of work.
Your obvious mastery of language in your poem tells me you are a good writer and if you feel passionate about this subject you can turn this around.
Hi Elisa, I am reviewing your Entanglement. Accept or reject what I say, it is just my opinion and your poem.
Title: "Entanglement" good title, it made me curious to read your poem.
Form: Free Verse
Imagery: Minimal literal imagery. For such a long poem, not much to see.
Overall: This reads more like a journal or diary entry than a poem for others to read. Basically it tells the reader the person speaking has a crush on his/her boss and there is nothing that can be done about it. And you say it over and over. I think this is way to long for such little substance. It comes across as teenage angst. I'm sorry the poem did not touch me but I think your desire and ability to write will not go unnoticed. This poem actually has merit and I believe could be turned around by condensing, condensing, condensing.
Hi Prophet, I'm reviewing your poem "Call Me". As a review, accept or reject whatever works or doesn't work for you. IT is your poem after all.
Title: Call Me! Is a great come on which is what a title should do, draw the reader in.
Form: First, I need to say something about the all caps. Using this method seems like you are yelling at the reader. When you have this great message, you don't want to put the reader off by yelling at them. I suggest, unless there is a physical reason why you can't use lower case type, that you abandon the all caps. This is Free Verse but it looks like it is just a list of sentences.
Meter: Written in the rhythm of natural speech.
Overall: You have a great message here but your delivery doesn't do it justice. The all cap thing I already mentioned, the lines could be more thoughtfully cut to give emphasis on the most important message and I am wondering if English is your first language because improper tense is used on occasion. In my opinion you poem at a literary offering isn't very good but you have a great message to share.
Hi Ken, I enjoyed reading Winter Blossom. It has nice imagery. It isn't Blank Verse however. Blank Verse is always unrhymed iambic pentameter. A classic form.
Your poem is neither dominantly iambic or pentameter or even tetrameter. It's a little bit of all of the above plus trochaic meter with some trimeter thrown in. I think you should label this Free Verse., which it is.
Hi Ken, I read this poem first without the photo prompt and without reading the stanzaic form elements. Clearly both the photo and the form elements influenced the content. You capture the photo well and stay true to the frame designated.
Your content extracted from the photo shows imagination. The rentrament, repeating the first phrase, works well to support the mood which turns from light to dark.
Reading without the photo I stumbled on ""that" bench". I immediately questioned "what bench?" It distracted me from the focus of the poem. The photo may not always be available to the reader. I wonder if that could be expanded in some way to make "that" bench be more visible and less distracting. The photo itself is quite serene and beautiful. The lone bench a focal point.
Hi Twila, This is beautiful. You nailed the requirements of the verse form while sharing your love for your family and their influence on you. The story unfolds effortlessly and the reader is drawn in and feels your words. Thank you for sharing.
~~ Tink
Ken, This is a beautifully written poem clearly honoring someone you love. Since I find it here in the breast cancer awareness collection, I can only assume it was this terrible disease that caused this heartache. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi Ken, After reading a few of your poems I know when I open the post to read your work that it will be good. You are not only a talented poet but you have mastered the craft. I'm impressed. I thought Shed No Tears to be very cleverly written and it reminded me of some of the ancient Irish forms that require 3 syllable rhymes. You have a knack for writing fluid lines to include rhyme naturally. I enjoyed reading this.
Wow Teresa this is beautiful. Normally when I review, I break a poem down by its elements, form, poetic devices, syntax etc. But this one touched me with its message of love and that is what I see foremost. I too have a son to be proud of. Not a soldier in our military overseas as yours is. The overseas part has to be hard on you. But mine is a soldier in the streets of So Cal, he is a cop, An investigator on a special task force. He too is a husband and father of 4. I know exactly how you feel. Your love and pride vibrate from this poem.
Oh and as a side note, I liked the Free verse with repeating refrains that punctuate your connection, the holding hands, the blue eyes, the small rock, well woven into the frame. "I thought of someone today," Thank you.
Hi turtlemoon, I didn't really come to review your poem, I came to see what kind of poems were being entered in the recent contest to decide whether or not to enter and if so, what should I enter.
But since I'm here: I'm not on the judging panel so my opinion doesn't count for much but my first reaction to On That Day was ~~sigh~~ then WoW! My next thought was Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner.
Title: Drew me right in, I would have chosen to read this under any circumstance just because of the title.
Imagery: You are an artist. So incredibly clear and yet unique. I was carried away by the beauty of it all.
Rhythm: Fluid lines, soft, smooth word choices to match the scene you were painting.
Overall I have no crit. Just thank you for sharing this.
~~Tink
Weird, there is no star rating for this. This is definitely 5 stars.
Hi Bubble Gum, This was a fun challenge. It is hard to review in a standard way. So in lieu of a standard review please accept my interpretation of your challenge:
Once upon a time there was
a writer of dreams.
Everyday, in everyway,
words would turn to cream.
One day along the Milky Way
gilded scrolls appeared
with names of poets, scribes and hers,
the one lone page lop-eared.
Because of that caveat,
our author honed her craft.
Until finally, with lots of work, not magically,
appeared her book's first draft.
~~Judi Van Gorder
Hi Pat, I'm reviewing this because I saw you invented a new form and I document all forms I come across at poetrymagnumopus.com.
When you create a unique frame for a poem, it is called a nonce form. If that frame is emulated by many others it falls in the category of an invented form. I don't think you have quite made it yet to the "established forms" category with the Patina but I just wrote one to show an example with my description of your form. So there is one down. But hey everybody is inventing forms these days. I've added it to my collection of invented forms and poets visit the site all of the time looking for something new to stretch with. Including poets from writing..com Who knows this could take off.
The Patina is an invented form created by Pat Nelson at Writing.com. Rather than meter and rhyme the focus is on words, adjectives and nouns. The elements of the Patina are:
1. stanzaic, written in any number of tercets.
2. measured in words rather than metric feet or syllables.
* L1 two words an adjective and a noun.
* L2, 2 adjectives and a now, expanding the image in L1.
* L3 explains the meaning of the image or theme.
3. unrhymed.
4. unmetered
5. Titled.
Overall impression of your poem, it is delightful. If I can have your permission, I would love to use your poem as the example rather than my hurriedly written poem just to get the form documented. Let me know, If I have your permission your name of course will be included as the poet. I have already given you recognition as the inventor of the form.
Hi Pat, I'm Tinker1111 and I'm reviewing your Tanka, Frolic I love the form. The review is my opinion, accept or reject whatever works for you.
[b}Title Tanka are usually untitled and often numbered, like haiku, instead. There is no rule that says you can't title your poem but this title "Frolic" makes the first line redundant. Frolic / frolicking. It is overkill in such a small poem.
Form The elements of the tanka are:
1. syllabic, 31 or less syllables, most commonly 5-7-5-7-7, in variation the lines are best kept with odd numbered syllables.
2. normally but not always a 5 line poem, the 5 line pattern however does seem to prevail.
3. defined by content and style more than syllabic prescription. But there is still a pattern of short and long lines.
4. written as a personal or emotional expression of themes such as natural beauty, love, impermanence of life, or activities of the common people
5. composed with the priority of "to be touched by things" "mono no aware" and use of concrete images.
Your poem managed to meet all of the requirements of the form. On another note, the end of a line creates it own natural pause, therefore in poetry ending a line on an article (and, the a, an, as) results in a break in the rhythm in the wrong place. I know you were looking for a 5-7-5-7-7 effect but a 5-7-4--8-7 while uncommon does not break the rules and gives a smoother read to "as it dances . . . " Then again most people actually don't know the rules, they only know what is most commonly presented so you are probably best leaving it as written. But for future I would suggest you design your words more carefully to give your reader full impact of your images.
[b}Overall Impression You'd think from my comments that I didn't like this piece but in fact I loved it. It was refreshing, lively and it did for me just what a tanka should do, made me feel the beauty of nature.
Hi Dave, I happened on this page of Haiku in the Bard contest and if I had been a judge, #3 would have been my 1st place winner over all the others I've read from the contest. But sorry I am not a judge. Here is my review and of course you know, this is just my opinion, accept or discard whatever works or doesn't work for you.
First impression: You had me at "gurgling mountain steam". I was there even though the first image isn't that unique it was so real.
Form: In the moment, 17 syllable or less. All but one on this page are written in the most common pattern of 5/7/5 the exception is #6 short 1 syllable from the max allowed and that is perfectly fine.
Haiku is written in 3 units, the image, an expansion or parallel to the image and finally the twist or Ah ha moment. You clearly understand this process and each haiku reflects the 3 units. Haiku are not normally titled but often numbered. Again, you know your stuffl
Can I suggest you consider numbering for identification purpose if nothing else. I start over at #1 each year and include the year written with the #. As you say, you can't write just one.
Overall Impression: I thoroughly enjoyed reading these haiku.
#1 love the alliteration and the expanded image, L3 "through" felt a little awkward to me and I had to go back a couple of times to understand. If it had been mine, I would probably have said "prism view in haiku" But it isn't mine. ~~smile~~
#2 Love this modern haiku. Winner winner chicken dinner.
#3 Wow, This just trumped #2 for me, a forest blocks my sunrises, "orange marmalade" Yummy image. Blue ribbon.
#4 We are blessed to live in coastal environments where we get to see these things, you in the East me in the West. This was perfect.
#5 I swear I wrote this. I have one somewhere almost the same words. I'll have to look for it. Although I think the chicadas serenaded me.
Yes Jay, You didn't miss a beat. This was fun to read and my favorite kind of love poem. Because that is what this was. Light verse at its best. Woo Woo Woo.
I guess officially since I am in the review window I should break this down. I have no suggestions to improve. Even the title could have different meanings and therefore draw the unsuspecting reader in.
The form was met perfectly, syllable count, rhyme and style.
What I think I liked best about it was the love that shines through. So good. Thanks for the read.
Hi GreyJoey, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your poem Music because I was attracted to "Music is it a poem" in the static items block on the Hub. You are welcome to accept or discard my comments which are simply my opinion.
First Impression: My first read seemed a bit off but then I read your poem out loud and heard the rhythm, which in the first stanza is amazing. It continues throughout but at a lesser degree.
Form: Written in quatrains with no consistent pattern of meter or rhyme scheme. Rhyme is randomly employed both at the end of the line and internally which added interest.
Hi Dynamic Pencil, Thank you for sharing your cancer story. Normally I review poems, prose is out of my comfort zone but reading your story was comforting. I am currently in my second round with breast cancer, the other was 19 years ago.
I had the surgery, I'm prepped for radiation and just waiting on test results to decide whether or not to go through chemo. It has been much smoother the 2nd time around. I chose to document my journey in haiku and I've written one other poem about the experience. I felt the objective nature of haiku would be my best option to clarify each step I've taken. It actually helped getting through some of the scary parts.
Good luck to you in your recovery. I thought your piece can benefit many that are going through similar experiences. Well done.
Hi Harry, I've reviewed your poem A Husband's Lament and it made me smile. The thoughts expressed here are just my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title: It fit the subject but kind of gave away the twist. The reader knows what's coming.
Structure or form: 18 line poem broken into 2 strophe made up of rhymed couplets. No consistent meter, the rhythm of normal speech. L16 is a little out of sync, if it were mine I'd leave out the "it" after "drag".
Devices, rhyme, repetition etc: using the ellipses in the first 2 lines was effective. Technically in English, rhyme is on the stressed syllable, adding ing to unrhymed stressed syllables does not make them rhyme. ~smile~. But I have to admit, your doing so made the rest of the rhymed couplets less obvious which I liked.
Overall impression: I enjoyed reading this. It was clever.
I 've reviewed your poem Monday and liked it. What I write is simply my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title "Monday" equivalent to the beginning which is totally appropriate. But I'll bet a majority of poets out there have a "Monday" poem in their portfolio. What might be a more unique draw to your poem?
Imagery - this is a telly poem, not much show a lot of tell but its the conversational flow that gives it some of its charm. The one place there is imagery "Then you say, "Hi Margo," " is so clear, the very next line is unnecessary. Of course it all settles down, the image sets that up you don't have to tell us. The last line then brings closure. I like it.
Rhythm The flow of words is smooth and carries the reader day to day.
Structure, Form
Grammar/Punctuation Syntax, punctuation, spelling all spot on.
Theme angst over wanting to be noticed
Overall Impression I enjoyed this poem. It had a good flow and brought a smile to my face.
Hi Harry,
I 've reviewed your poem A Friend No Longer. What I write is simply my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title Aprropriate
Imagery - None This reads like a rhymed letter that is meant for 1 person, the ex friend who has seen all of the pictures of the friendship as well as the break up. The reader has not seen those pictures so is kind of in the position of reading someone's personal mail over their shoulder.
Rhyme, Repetition abab cdcd etc
Rhythm The rhythm is a little erratic, some lines smoother than others, nothing consistent.
Structure, Form Alternating rhymed quatrains.
Theme Resentment
Overall Impression I was disappointed at the lack of imagery that would have helped me empathize. This this poem seemed restrained and I couldn't help wonder at the circumstance the narrator found himself in. Was is a bad marriage in which he felt trapped. Or maybe a work situation where he had to continue working with a coworker who once he had a kinship and now felt some kind of betrayal. No hints were given as to what that betrayal could have been. Overall it wss technically a well written piece.
Hi Craig,
I 've reviewed your poem Looking From Pier and I loved it. What I write is simply my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title Fine or just From the Pier is less telly
Imagery - Yes, Awesome.
Rhythm Great except the word "every" which I think would be more fluid if "all" were substituted. Did I answer your question?
Structure, Form Free Verse and centered on the page. Fits well the content. Normally I don't like centered poems, it looks like the poet is adding a gimmick. But in the case of your poem, it gives the impression of the movement of the water and is right on the mark.
Theme water a metaphor for life
Overall Impression I liked this very much for all of the above reasons. So simple and yet as deep as the sea. Good writing.
Hi Jay,
I 've reviewed "Live to Love". What I write is simply my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title Live to Love is an appropriate title
Imagery Pretty tough to do in 3 syllable lines.
Rhyme, Repetition xaxa xbxb etc done according to form.
Rhythm - Smooth considering the choppy lines.
Structure, Form - You went beyond the criteria for the form and created a chain from the end of L1 of each stanza to the beginning of L1 in the subsequent stanza. Clever and gave the poem interest beyond content.
Theme - Its not enough to just love, one must serve as an expression of that love.
Overall Impression - At first I just thought nice sentiment but after studying the poem more I found the writing clever and interesting. I thought this line awkward. "Fair serve, too." But it is probably the most outstanding, thought provoking line in the poem. The rest of the poem, most of us at least give lip service to, but "fair serve" made me think. Nice write.
Hi,
I 've reviewed your piece, Real Love. What I write is simply my observation and opinion. Use whatever you choose and discard the rest.
Title - Real Love wouldn't attract me to read your piece it is too ordinary. A more attractive title might be "Love Tears" a little more interesting.
Rhythm = I'm wondering if English is a 2nd language here. L1 "gives" not "give" L2 "longer"
Structure, Form - prose.
Grammar/Punctuation - Punctuation is fine but L1 "God if He" capitalize He when referring to God.
Theme - honest love for a parent
Overall Impression - This was very short with a lovely sentiment. If it were mine I would probably make it even shorter buy making it less telly and repetitious. L2 with joy and gratitude in his eyes, he replied, "To give you a longer life." Your piece made my heart swell.
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