|Hi Ben, Oh my, even though I was expecting a poem of loss by virtue of the form, I was saddened and surprised at the end of your poem. I'm taking a closer look for the Oriental Poetry Contest.
First Impression: I don't know why the title didn't tip me off, but as I began reading the poem my thoughts went to a sweet love poem, a positive Covid 19 experience. It was enchanting.
Form: The simple frame of the Yama, 6 syllable lines, 4 in a unit (quatrain), with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc was a piece of cake for you. At first I thought you missed the theme but of course, not so.
Words: I liked some of your unusual rhyme and the even flow of your lines. Maybe you should take a closer look at your comma placement. There are a couple of places a comma might help the reader. It's your poem, use what is helpful, ignore the rest.
I love the twist of this tale, though sad, it gave the piece a unique flavor.
Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest, it was a pleasure reading your poem.