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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Renewal  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Sue, I have to admit, following you at I Write, when I opened your entry my heart dropped. I'm playing catch up and here is this long short story in front of me. I was hoping for a haiku or 24 syllable poem. *Bigsmile*

But then I started reading and it went so fast, I never paused with a sigh, my thoughts never wandered, you had me.

I don't look for technical error, especially in prose but if something jumps off the page I will mention it. I saw nothing of that sort. The only caution I might have had was, you covered a lot of time in a very short piece and sometimes the transitions seemed abrupt.

I thought your character development was strong, the plot logical and the trip to the horse farm affirming. I've raised horses most of my adult life, I know the connection one can have with a special horse and my special needs granddaughter was in therapy with a horse to help her confidence, her balance and trust. So it was totally logical to me that horse therapy for addiction could work.

I enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you.

~~Tink


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2
2
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay, Thank you for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your Cool Summer Day. You easily mastered the frame of the hokku and also captured the spirit. Your words were simple but the setting inviting.

Your last line seemed a little separated from the rest of the poem. I didn't quite catch the connection to the harsh wind unless they went under the tree for protection. I am just thinking out loud. My brain is tired and I shouldn't be reviewing so late but I needed to complete this.

I appreciate your support of the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink


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3
3
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 17, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, This entry to the Oriental Poetry Contest was really interesting. Of course, I had to google the 700-year-old Madonna statue.

You easily handled the frame and you documented a unique setting that was compelling. I liked the way the place and event heralds the time. That's creating an image that makes one think. I hope you saw how your poem fit into a renga with a response. "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

I have nothing to offer that might improve this poem.

~~Tink


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4
4
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lisa, Thank you for coming back to the Oriental Poetry Contest with another gem.

You easily mastered the frame of the hokku and the purpose as an introduction to document the time and place of the gathering gave me the feel of southern hospitality. Nice.

I loved the imagery, especially the dogwoods.

The only suggestion I could make is if you somehow made mention of a gathering or an event in this incredible setting. Just me thinking out loud. I hope you saw how your hokku fit into a renga with a response inspired by your poem. "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

Thanks again for supporting this contest with your entries.

~~Tink


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5
5
Review of Hokku  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Elle, Thank you for submitting a hokku to the Oriental Poetry Contest. You clearly caught the spirit of the form. The frame was easily spot on. The imagery, memorable.

I loved the gunmetal skies and poets threatened. I hope you have seen the response to your hokku in renga form "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

I have no suggestions for improvement. I did wonder what you could use as a symbol for winter rather than using the word but then again, then the alliteration would be lost which added a western poetic effect. I'm just thinking out loud, looking at all possibilities.

Thanks again for supporting our contest. Your poem is an asset to the round.

~~Tink


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6
6
Review of Hokku #1  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh Rhychus, this is beautiful, spiritual.

Clearly you had no problem mastering the spirit and frame of the hokku. See how it fits into a renga with a response, "One hokku and eleven rengas"   by Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville

The only thing I can offer for you to think about is simile uses up syllables unnecessarily in a form that has limited syllable count. The word "like" offers nothing to the image. Using that syllable to further clarify the image would, in my opinion, bring more value to the image. Words like pure, clear, blest, vailed, versed. Sometimes you've got to work for the word. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Thanks for your support of the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink

I'll be taking a break from the contest for the month of July but you will be in good hands with Lilli who is stepping back in.







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7
7
for entry "Hokku 6/27/2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I was at the VA hospital in San Francisco today, taking my brother for hip replacement surgery. Safety net for vets, so true. I thought it interesting you used this imagery for the opening of a renga.

Clearly you captured the spirit of the hokku. I hope you saw the renga response to your poem {ltem:2225550} It fits right in. Love it.


~~Judi

I'm taking July off. I am just getting too far behind in everything here at WDC, amazingly with the Covid lock down, I'm working from home and I'm slammed. I thought working from home would give me more freedom but instead it is the opposite.


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8
8
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
And the winner is ... Kare Enga!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! The hokku could not have been introduced in a more fitting manne

Creating this renga using the submissions for this contest was brilliant. Clearly you understand the spirit of the hokku and you have gifted us all with hokku at its best.

I am privileged to give you an awardicon for effort.

~~Tink


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9
9
Review of Entanglements  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly, Following you at I Write, I’m reviewing your Entanglement. Your poem puts my entry to shame.

This poem is impressive. It begins strong and never weakens. .

Great metaphor. “ the lattice of life has roped me in”

The concrete imagery that grounds this piece. I recognize the prompt and think you captured the dark anguish perfectly.

Nice entry.

~~Tink


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10
10
Review of Dr. Nox  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Whoa! Now that was creepy. I'm reviewing your Dr Nox for I Write and I was pleasantly surprised to come on this unique piece. I could not have predicted it. Nice twist.

The are a couple of typos you might want to clean up 10th paragraph "should" should be "shoulder" and 6 paragraphs up from the bottom "ust" should be "just". You were just typing too fast. I don't look for that kind of error but when it jumps off the page at me I have to mention it.

I liked that there was a lot of dialogue which made this fast and easy reading. In such a short piece the characters were clear.

I enjoyed reading this.

~~Tink


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11
11
Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Kåre, I'm sorry for the late review for the Oriental Poetry Contest. I appreciate all of your commentary on this as well as your poem. You helped broaden my knowledge of Jue Ju.

The form has lots of wiggle room for the English writer, it simply is 4 lines of equal length. The interpretation of whether to count syllable or words is at the discretion of the poet. The real challenge is creating a mood. It need not be erotic but it should touch the senses. I connected to the natural images. The erotic suggestion is very subtle which I missed the first read but caught it the 2nd time around.

Thank you for entering this piece in the contest.

~~Tink

PS you might like The Anchor Book of Chinese Poetry by Tony Barnstone and Chou Ping. It covers the Tang dynasty with poems from many poets of that time with informative commentary. I love the book, I got it for research but find myself picking it up and odd times just to read a few of the poems in it.


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12
12
for entry "A sweet gentle kiss
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lisa, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest with your A Sweet Gentle Kiss. This has a poignant feel to it, like a goodbye kiss. I felt a sadness.

The Jue Ju is a fairly simple form in its 4 lines of equal length which you mastered with no problem at all. The important part is to create a mood. You did this with ease, this poem which from the title i thought was going to a simple sweet piece has a depth that the reader absorbs and feels.

The kissing of the forehead had the biggest impact on me, I wanted to cry. Really nice Lisa.

~~Tink


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13
13
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 9, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Your entry made me smile. I love the playfulness of this small piece.

Form: The Jue Ju gives lots of wiggle room in this 4 line poem as far as the elements go. The lines should be equal length and your L3 is a little long, "face to face" could have easily have been eliminated and your image would still have been clear. But what is most important is to set a mood, let the reader into the experience which is exactly what you did. Nice.

I loved your last line.

~~Tink


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14
14
for entry "Sultry Summer Night
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Dave, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

You easily mastered the technical elements of the Jue Jue which are pretty open to interpretation and discretion of the poet other than being a poem in 4 lines. I enjoyed the setting of this piece but I kind of felt detached from it, as if I was just an observer. I was hoping for a sigh. The spirit of the Jue Ju is to create a mood so the moonbeam caresses the heart of the reader. No easy task.

I liked the "tangle", I envisioned legs and arms hidden behind the dunes.

Thanks for again entering the contest. I appreciate your support of the forum.

~~Tink


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15
15
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Nani. So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

I was intrigued by your title "Poseidon's Mistique", now who wouldn't want to read on?

Form: The Jue Ju has lots of wiggle room in the 4 lined poem as far as elements go but the key is to create a mood, project an emotion which you did beautifully.

I loved that you chose the sea as a metaphor and could feel the whisper on the sand. Really nice.

This is another gem among gems, thank you for this lovely contribution to the contest.

~~Tink


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16
16
Review of Silk Dreams  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rychus, So sorry for this late review of your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

First impression: Your title is suggestive and set the tone.

I loved that you not only captured the spirit of the Jue Ju but also chose single syllable words in emulation of zi.

I can find no fault in this sensual piece. Another gem displaying your skill as a writer. Nice.

~~Tink



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17
17
Review of Ceremony  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very nice Beholden. I can see this round is going to be very tough to judge, so far nothing but gems, including this one.

First Impression: The title suggests something formal, orchestrated. But then you begin right off "devouring" which suggests impulsive, uncontrolled behavior. Then the routine benign act of pouring tea, controlled, civilized, action rehearsed, repeated in "ceremony". The contrasts can be felt tingling up from inside. So good.

Form: The Jue Ju is more a genre than form in that it is a small poem meant to create a mood, most often sensual. The counted characters are subject to interpretation of words, syllables or just the visual length of the line. You managed to control the frame into 5 words per line and still give me goosebumps.

This is beautifully written using concrete images to set the scene and light a fire. This is really well written and you definitely captured the spirit of the Jue Ju.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest, I loved reading your poem.

~~Tink


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18
18
for entry ""NO VISITORS ALLOWED"
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow Dave, How tragic this one is. "as human dignity is buried here today." but is it human dignity or humanity itself that is buried? This is a thinker made very real by your concrete imagery.

First Impression: The title is a grabber even though the timing has the reader knowing where it is going. Someday hopefully it won't be as obvious but still a grabber.

Form: The simple frame of the Yama, 6 syllable lines in units of 4 with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc was no problem for you and you couldn't have captured the theme more powerfully.

The imagery couldn't be more tactile "beep. . . beep . . . beep". You probably could have shown "social contact" a little more concretely with the "warm human touch" or something. Just thinking out loud. Use what is helpful ignore the rest.

This poem is impactful in this timely submission. Thanks for sharing it here in the Oriental Poetry Contest.

~~Tink



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19
19
Review of What We Never Had  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ben, Oh my, even though I was expecting a poem of loss by virtue of the form, I was saddened and surprised at the end of your poem. I'm taking a closer look for the Oriental Poetry Contest.

First Impression: I don't know why the title didn't tip me off, but as I began reading the poem my thoughts went to a sweet love poem, a positive Covid 19 experience. It was enchanting.

Form: The simple frame of the Yama, 6 syllable lines, 4 in a unit (quatrain), with rhyme xaxa xbxb etc was a piece of cake for you. At first I thought you missed the theme but of course, not so.

Words: I liked some of your unusual rhyme and the even flow of your lines. Maybe you should take a closer look at your comma placement. There are a couple of places a comma might help the reader. It's your poem, use what is helpful, ignore the rest.

I love the twist of this tale, though sad, it gave the piece a unique flavor.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry Contest, it was a pleasure reading your poem.

~~Tink



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20
20
Review of The Yama  
for entry "Being Old (Yama #1)
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rhychus, Loved the expansion you exercised in mourning your perceived loss of the ability to write. I don't think you have any reason for mourning there, you haven't lost a thing. But never assume the poet is the narrator who makes a good case and the sadness weeps through. I'm reviewing your Being Old to take a closer look.

First impression: Knowing the theme of the Yama and reading your title, my first thought was that this poem was going to be about mortality and preparing for the loss of life. I so related to the first 2 lines. Yes where did the time go?

Form: The Yama is a simple frame, 6 syllable lines, in units of 4 (quatrains), rhyme xaxa xbxb etc. A poem of loss. You obviously had no problem capturing the spirit of this form.

Technical observation: Overuse of commas chops up the sound creating longer pauses than necessary or fluid. If this were mine, I would take out all punctuation then read aloud and only put punctuation back in where necessary to make sense of the lines. Example, the 1st and 3rd lines of the poem should not have commas at the end and they make the poem choppy. If you were to write out your 2nd stanza in a sentence would you put commas at the end of sarong and of? Of course, this is your poem, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

Oh and I can so relate to "age steals vitality / from my senior season". Age sure has slowed me down. I loved your ending.

Thanks for entering the Oriental Poetry contest, it is a pleasure to read your work.

~~Tink









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21
21
for entry "The Yama - Mother
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Neva, Your "Mother" is a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. How does one review a poem like this? It is impossible to struggle through the sacredness of such a piece.

Your first line put a lump in my throat. I know you lost your mother in the last few years and clearly the loss is still fresh. The woman you describe must have been quite a blessing in your life. Your love and appreciation for her flow like tears through the poem.

The Yama seems the perfect frame for your sharing. Your images are fluid, your rhyme choices unique. The poem is well crafted though I expect nothing less of your work. But more than craftsmanship, this poem carries your heart.

Thank you for sharing it here at the Oriental Poetry Contest, as ever I am honored to read your work.

~~Tink


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22
22
Review of Seek His Light  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kit, Thank you for submitting your Seek His Like to Round 70 of the Oriental Poetry Contest. I am taking a closer look to help me pick the winners. Though I think you all are winners by just writing and sharing your work.

First Impression: The title announces spiritual content which will either draw or chase away, no middle ground. The first line has a real truth that is often ignored or not expressed and if the reader got that far they will read on because there is your hook.

The form: The Tanaga is pretty straight forward, a mono-rhymed tetrastich with 7 syllable lines. Some more modern tanagas change up the rhyme a bit but mostly when written in more than one stanza and I suppose alternate rhyme could be used. The intent of the form is to ask a question which your poem kind of misses. It informs, it doesn't question.

I loved the first line, it made me dwell on the 2nd phrase. I need to be reminded of that often. Thank you.

I appreciate your continued support of the contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink
23
23
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Kåre, Thanks for submitting these two little gems to round 70 at the Oriental Poetry Contest. They both made me smile. I am taking a closer look to make decisions in judging.

The form the Tanaga is pretty straight forward with a frame of a mono-rhymed tetrastich of 7 syllable lines. You had no problem with that. I particularly was impressed with some of your rhyme choices. In such small, simple poems your rhyme choices were unique and interesting. You did, however, sidestep the original intent of the form, to ask a question. No questions asked in either of them.

I especially loved your first tanaga. grrr / myrrh / cur / were Who would ever come up with that? This whole thing made me chuckle. Nice

I appreciate your continued support of the contest and truly enjoyed reading your entries.

~~Tink



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24
24
for entry "Anticipation
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Solace, Thank you for entering your Anticipation into the Oriental Poetry Contest. I'm taking a closer look as judge.

First impression: Another timely piece, addressing the topic most pressing on most people's minds.

Form: The frame of the Tanaga is pretty straight forward, a mono-rhymed tetrastich with 7 syllable lines which you stretched into 2 quatrains to give your imagery more depth. You end with a question that certainly fits the intent of the form. Thanks for getting that.

Wise words, your poem reads like a proverb. Nice.

I appreciate your support of the contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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25
25
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 5, 2020
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with Oriental Poetry Contest Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I always enjoy reading your Wheel of Fortune poems. They begin in such a unique place, they are always interesting. Thank you for submitting your May 5, 2020, Tanaga for Round 70. I'm taking a closer use as judge for the contest,

First Impression: This small poem appears to be quick and easy read and I can't imagine passing over it. Your title is very timely and everyone is talking about wearing masks right now therefore very compelling.

The form Tanaga ha a simple frame of a mono-rhymed tetrastich in 7 syllable lines which you mastered with ease. The original intent behind the form was to ask a question and your piece asks one of the ultimate questions so well.

I appreciate your definition of mitzvah which although I thought I knew its meaning you made it more understandable. Thank you.

I appreciate your support of the contest and enjoyed reading your entry.

~~Tink


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